Decision, decisions.

Unsurprisingly, FP has decided he can't come out with his wife being ill (even though she's a vehement NYE is just another day person) and he's been out before when she's ill. I don't blame him though. In the light of FP's decision, I pondered about whether or not I could be bothered leaving the house, but there's been too much of that, this year.

The CB bar is only 20 minutes walk (or less than five minutes in a taxi), so why not at least head over for a few drinks with FC and Mrs FC and play it by ear? If I'm not feeling it after an hour or so, I can come home and drink all the beer in the fridge. Or I could have a good time.

Looking up.

FC and Mrs FC have been in touch. As it happens, they had already made plans to go to the CB Bar that I'm trying to talk FP into. He's in agreement on the details, just not whether he's going to go. GM is staying in - an offer of a bed and a few quiet drinks was not enough to sway him. S finally piped up to say he was going to a friend's house. It's only taken him, what, four days?

So... I have a backup plan, which is essentially do what I was gonna do anyway, but meet FC and Mrs FC instead of FP.

FP is due to call in a couple of hours to see what his final decision is.

Hedging bets.

I'm feeling pessimistic about going out tonight, so I've made a quick trip to Sainsbury's and gotten in some chips, dips and beers. Just in case. FP wasn't offering up anything concrete the last time we spoke, so I'll ask him again around tea-time.

If he does agree to meet for a few drinks, I'll ping S and GM and let them kn ow our plans. If they want to tag along, they're welcome, but I'm not holding my breath. S has been quiet since I  originally asked about their plans a few days ago. GM is working tomorrow, so he doesn't want to be out late and/or drunk. That's understandable.

Dream a little dream.

Last night I had a somewhat half-remembered dream. Its theme was something that I've had before, albeit infrequently. In it, I'm failing my university degree. I'm trying to find a solution to this, trying to find out how to pass exams, coursework etc. all within a few months and without any help from my lecturers or advisers. This was the pattern last night.

At the same time, I was also trying to organise our work's Christmas party, though with limited success.

KfW2 featured somewhere, but upon waking this morning there was only a fleeting memory that she was involved.

I've had the university dream before, as explained above. I usually wake up disorientated after it, almost in a panic until I realise that I left university many, many years ago and I did indeed pass my exams.

Planning

I sent a question to S and GM, asking what their plans were on NYE. GM is working on Jan 1st, so he's extremely unlikely to be out. S has read the messages and question, but has not replied. I'm betting he has something planned with his other friends, but he could at least say something.

It's starting to anger me how he doesn't reply. It's been a factor with him within the last few months. Don't start me on the absolute rubbish he posts on Facebook though. He can add a witty or pithy reply to a stranger, but he can't answer a friend. Sigh.

I'm kinda resigned to staying in, though there is an outside chance that I can talk FP into hitting our local favourite aka the CB pub. Not that I'm expecting to see CB there - it's just a reference for you, dear reader.

Further pondering,

"It's Christmas - who would you happily sleep with, given half the chance?"

That was the question posed on a forum I frequent. The membership is mostly male.

My reply was "The amount of girls I would happily sleep with at this point in time is an enormous list."

It was a sentiment shared by quite a number of people.

I didn't go into details, but off the top of my head I thought of CH, GM's ex that I've mentioned recently, a good portion of our HR department, a couple of managers of teams next to me in work, a girl that Stalky Guy pointed out on Instagram, MMBF and FBS.

And that's just people who've been on my mind over the past week or so. I need to meet someone.

Pondering the annual quandary.

It's that time of year, after the Xmas stuff is all over and done with, that my thoughts turn to New Year's Eve.

This year, I'm not sure there will be any takers, but I'm going to ask anyway. I might get FP, for a change. GM and S are unknowns. Anyone else is unlikely.

I've always liked NYE socialising. I like seeing out the old year with its good and bad and looking forward to the unknown, the potential of something more, better etc. I seem to be in the minority in making this a celebration.

Plus, I've always had much more luck in meeting people on NYE than any other single night - QC1, R2 and a few others not mentioned on the blog. There's a different vibe on NYE than other nights that encourages people to mingle more, I think.

Let's get physical.

Going through my memories on Facebook today and I see a post I made six years ago that CC commented on.

Specifically, she suggested that we hit the gym together.

I'm not a gym person, so I always fobbed her off. Actually, that's not entirely accurate. I told CC that I was not a gym person and that if she came up with something else we could do, then I would consider it.

It turned out that she couldn't... and it took CC herself another five years or so to go to the gym.

Unfortunately, CC is going through a tough time right now, mentally. I think this is fallout from her breakup with her boyfriend in the summer, but I've told her to pick up the phone and call if she wants to chat. She's suggested that she might call over during the holidays. I hope she does come down.

Detox.

Years ago, on an impromptu night out with MM and MMBF, the conversation revolved around exes. Specifically, MM was talking about an ex of MMBF. MMBF was being coy about the actual details, but I got the impression that this ex was not good for MMBF. She as good as admitted it without explaining why.

I was asked for a guy's view of it.

"Well, I can't say anything for sure as I don't know the details, and I'm not asking for them"

I paused.

"But if someone is in your life and they're causing you pain or being negative, then get rid of them. Distance yourself from them if you can."

MM nodded.

"See? I told you. Don't talk to him anymore MMBF, he's no good for you."

The reason for this reminiscing? Well, MMBF posted on Facebook - a seasonal message with a pic of her current boyfriend... whom I believe is the negative influence mentioned a good few years ago. Interesting.

Missing

Since I moved into this house, the guy across the road has been somewhat of an enigma. He appears to have had a succession of short-lived or temporary jobs, all similar in nature - taxi driver, food delivery etc. That meant that he was often cleaning out his car, throwing whatever rubbish was there all over the street, in front of his house and mine.

At the same time, there were often a string of cars appearing at the house, picking up passengers, tooting their horn and generally being loud.

But it dawned on me the other day that I've not seen him in some time - probably since early summer. The car is gone, the street is tidier and quieter and the visitors have all but disappeared.

I can see into their front room and the TV is no longer dominated by football.

I wonder where he has gone to?

Gossip

Stalky Guy was quick to message at the weekend to gleefully inform me that GM's attractive, blonde ex that I mentioned recently, got off with an ex-colleague at the Xmas Party after-party.

I know that this guy had, a few years back, pursued the ex for a while after GM had broken up with her (possibly encouraged by CH), but I didn't think he'd been successful.

The guy in question seems to be very Marmite (for those of you not in the UK, this means he divides opinion and there's usually no middle ground - in this case you like him or you dislike him). I think he's OK (though my interaction with him was minimal, but CC and Quiet Girl think he's a massive dick).

The morning after.

It was the work Xmas party last night. KfW2 didn't go in the end - she's not feeling well at the moment. I was back home and binge-watching some TV all night, so I wasn't there either, despite GM's ex-gf (I mentioned her a few posts back) trying to talk me into turning up later for a few drinks.

Strangely, apart from JB, there's been little posted on Facebook.

Hello! Oh, erm... nevermind.

I took a cheeky half day today to meet up with a few people I used to work with... plus potentially Nerdy Girl. In the bar where we agreed to meet, I was mesmerised by someone who looked like CH. My eyesight is not great, so from roughly 30m away, it certainly looked like her. Roughly the same build, same hairstyle and same mannerisms. Should I go and talk to her? I had another idea. I sent a text message.

"Your absolute twin is in the bar"

A reply wasn't long coming back.

"Nope, not me."

I did a scouting mission and got within ten metres. It wasn't CH, but the resemblance was uncanny.

I explained the above.

"Take a picture of her!"

"I'm not taking pictures of random women in the pub FFS"

"Just do it. Sneak it if you have to."

In all honesty, I'd already taken a sneaky photo. I sent it to her.

"OMG! It totally is!"

"You have no idea, CH. Mannerisms and everything. It's crazy how much she is like you."

And CH went quiet.

But you know what? It was a good afternoon that ended too soon.

As a side note, Nerdy Girl turned up.

"Look at how much side-boob this jumper gives me!"

"Ummm... do you mean profile?"

"Yes, that!"

"And surely it's the bra doing the work, not the jumper?"

"Yes, that too!"

A conversation ensued. It was decided that Nerdy Girl had a profile not unlike Christina Hendricks out of Mad Men. I'm not sure I agree. Nerdy Girl is busty and has curves for sure, but not to Hendricks' level (and that's not a bad thing).

And a potential avenue for a new job opened up. A potential significant pay-rise and a chance to work with some people that I know. All I have to do is get past the interview. Though this is all just talk right now. if anything's going to happen, I might have something to share in February.

Just another random thought.

A random thought crossed my mind today of a night, in my past, where I turned down a night out with BW and FBS (amongst others) in order to go to D's house and drink and play a new video game that we'd bought. I can't remember who suggested that, with FBS it would have been guaranteed sex. D might have said something while we were gaming. BW may have said something the next day (though I think he might have tried it on with FBS himself at some stage). I'm pretty sure that it never crossed my mind on my own, though.

That wouldn't happen today, I tell you.

Just stuff.

When I used to work with GM, he had a period where he dated a fair proportion of our HR department.  One of them, a stunningly attractive blonde girl, requested my friendship on Facebook. We got along pretty well, so I had no qualms in doing so.

I've still got quite a few of GM's exes as friends on Facebook, but that's maybe another random, rambling post.

Regardless, the blonde regularly posts pictures of her out partying - she has a nice line in thigh-length dresses with plunging necklines... and she fills those dresses pretty damned well, it has to be said.

She's been pretty busy over the past few weeks, updating profile pictures etc. and it's made logging into Facebook worthwhile.

More random musings

One thing that's always annoyed me about KfW2 is how things that's she incapable of doing in the real world suddenly become non-issues in work. Her time-keeping, for instance. She's always been notoriously bad. All of her friends admit it, and while she's often late with me, it's not to the extent that she is/has been with some of her other friends. I think I nailed that down fairly early in our friendship. Unreliability is possibly my biggest bugbear. I'm digressing though. Get KfW2 into work and the flighty, ditsy girl disappears and a reliable, diligent, driven person appears.

I saw exactly the same thing with AM and QC1. And it annoyed me. Being late, forgetting things etc. all of which have happened between AM/KfW2/QC1 would never have happened had they been meeting requests in work.

And I've never understood that. If you can be that person in work, then why can't you be like that in your personal life?

Random stuff.

I had an impromptu night out with FP last night. He'd already been out for a few hours and was tipsy by the time I'd arrived. It was a good night. In between talking about our usual things, we got talking to a group of women who had arrived and were also, like FP, tipsy. One, a brunette, caught my eye. The brunette also compared me to one of the other woman's husband, who proceeded to call me by her husband's name while we chatted Sadly, they left before I could make any real conversation with the brunette.

Also, towards the end of the night, a group from work arrived at the pub. Included was a girl who seemingly has a sizeable male fan club who follows her around each social event.

The following photo is Sabrina Lynn... I think she's an American Instagram model of some description. Facially, she's actually very similar to the work girl, but the work girl is slimmer and without the curves.

Also, as a side note, apparently, Sabrina Lynn is about 5' 11" tall. 180cm for you metric lot. I love tall women.

Quelle Surprise.

We were meant to head out last night to help S celebrate his birthday plus have a kinda of Christmas night out as well. Despite asking S for the actual details all this week, we were still chasing him for the plans late yesterday afternoon.

Then came the kicker.

"Sorry, I'm not going to go out tonight"

It wasn't the world's most unsurprising news but it was frustrating enough regardless. It wasn't just me that he let down - KfW2, FP and a few others from our social circle were due to go out. And I was looking forward to it as well.

Grrr.

One of the things that's annoyed me about KfW2 is that, in work, she's selfish/single-minded. She's asked me to do favours for her, then made demands on my time when I say I'll do it when I can.

"Can you do me this favour please?"

"Not right now, but I can do it after lunch"

"OK"

Five minutes later...

"I really need it right now. Can you do this for me please?"

And then we'd get into an "argument" about our internal reward system because I would do the favour and she'd refuse to acknowledge my generosity in the system.

Earlier, she pinged me and asked me to go for coffee... in ten minutes. So, I arrive at her desk at the requested time and she's finishing up some work. This is also a recurring issue, by the way. I'm standing nearby, waiting for her to finish. Just as she's finishing up, probably five to ten minutes later, someone approaches her desk and asks her a question.

What's the etiquette here, dear reader?

Personally, I'd say "Can I get back to you in fifteen minutes, Ruuude's been waiting for me".

KfW2, however, perceives this person to be a higher priority than I am, and I spend another fifteen minutes while she has a chat with this person.

So, that means I've spent fifteen to twenty minutes waiting for KfW2.

That's not a one-off, and with KfW2 moving into a new job with greater responsibilities, this kind of thing isn't going to get any less frequent.

Girly Nights Out

I bumped into MFF today. She asked if I was going to go to the Xmas Party. I'm not. It's not fun any more and the people I used to have fun with have moved on. MFF is going - she has a routine with OK and another girl (and previously CH as well) where they'll all get ready to go out at MFF's with a few drinks then arrive just as the meal is being served, and follow that up with a few hours of dancing.

And, quite frankly, I've no desire to socialise with Stalky Guy on my own. If I am being honest, the years of favouritism shown to him has bred resentment when there's only the two of us. That's why I don't do our monthly work thing if it's only the two of us any more.

KfW2 is going, though she might only stay for the meal and leave. My offer of a bed for the night has been refused. I had kinda hoped that she'd be out a while, take me up on my offer and we'd at least have a few drinks when she got back into the house. After all, she managed to stay up until well after 4 AM last year with CC when she stayed there. Still... if KfW2 is not staying at mine, that frees me up to try and get a few friends out for a beer or two.

Well, I never!

In the past, I've sometimes gone Facebook stalking for old acquaintances and crushes... Most of the time, it's curiosity on my part and the person in question has crossed my mind for some random reason. Other times, it's because someone has asked specifically about them - KfW2 or USHW for example would sometimes want to know more about someone I've mentioned in conversation.

A lot of them cannot be found on Facebook - they don't have social media accounts or I can't remember their surname, or they married and changed it, or never knew it (for some of my more fleeting dalliances).

Once, I came across someone (CAB) purely by accident, probably eight years or so after we'd dated and she left the country. That provoked an email that turned into a very brief chat (she was about to travel the world, just as I was). We've not been in contact since.

However, imagine my surprise when I was hunting through YouTube recently and a video that included CAB was recommended to me. That was confusing - the video was not on a topic that I'd be interested (university courses). Still, it provoked a few good memories.

Just stuff

Today is the sixth anniversary of an interesting night out - it was the night that something serious might have happened with CH (I've blogged about it before, but I can't find the post or I'd link it), and I ended up dancing, albeit briefly, with the woman who would go on to become Quiet Girl.

Quiet Girl is opening up to me more and more each time we talk. It's a far cry from the first few times where it was impossible to get anything out of her (I remember a bus journey in particular). We actually sat on the bus yesterday on the way home and she was being very chatty. This is on top of the fact she's now sitting closer to me and getting involved in some of the chat that I'm provoking with the others around me.

Maybe she's simply like me - takes a while to open up to someone. I'd hope that I'm not giving off the impression of being that standoffish though.

Lookalikes

I've posted a few times about a local celeb that I've spotted on Tinder, and despite swipes and super likes, I'm still nowhere near starting a conversation, never mind getting a date.

I was browsing a news website earlier and I came across a story about the new Prime Minister of Finland.

Here she is:

What is the link between a local celebrity and the youngest Prime Minister in the world? Well, nothing really apart from a similarity in how they look. There's more to be said about Sanna Marin's new position how she will head a women-led coalition government in Finland and how I hope she's as successful as Jacinda Ardern (who I'm a great admirer of). And jealous, because we're about to have Boris Johnson as Prime Minister.

Bah humbug?

"It doesn't feel like Christmas" opined KfW2 as we walked to the bus stop.

I agreed.

Unlike KfW2 though, this didn't disappoint me. I don't particularly like Christmas. I tend to feel very lonely, even when I'm busy socially. This year though, it looks very quiet from a social point of view.

Just stuff.

I don't want to go into the specifics, but a friend of mine posted something on Facebook that tied them to a reasonably famous actress. I've found myself day-dreaming all day about being asked to show this person around my home town. It's far-fetched. My friend is unlikely to meet the actress in question, much less recommend me as a tour guide should that celebrity come to town.

Oh la la!

I haven't been sleeping well this week due to illness, but last night I dreamed of V. Specifically, the night V and I went out partying for Halloween and then stayed up all night long, drinking and talking.

And then, browsing the Internet this morning, I came across a photo that reminded me of V's costume that night, Snow White. When she turned up at my place afterwards, she'd changed into jeans and still looked awesome, but part of me reckons had she still been in the costume that I'd have made a move because she was sexy af in that outfit.

Edit: Actually, V's costume might have been Alice in Wonderland, but it was pretty much the same thing, including the stockings.

Stuff (cough, cough)

I've been out of sorts over the past week or so. It's mostly just being run down, but a few weeks ago I developed the beginnings of a cold that I was able to shake before it took hold properly. Then last week, I simply wasn't sleeping well and though I didn't take any time off work, I was burned out by Friday.

Then yesterday, I got out of bed having had practically no sleep - back pain in my lower back made sleep tricky, plus a cold finally got me. I spent all day on the sofa wrapped in a blanket, drinking herbal tea. And I got no sleep last night either - continued back pain coupled with the cold's symptoms meant that I managed to doze in 45-minute bursts.

I'm drugged up today and I'm sitting in the house. I had a PTO day pre-booked, so I've yet to take any actual sick days.

The back thing is not related to the cold... it's more related to my sedentary lifestyle and, this is just a hunch, but the new office chair I bought around this time last year.

Daytime TV is crap, I'm currently watching Sliders - an old science fiction programme.

I remember back in the day having a massive crush on Sabrina Lloyd: petite, dark eyes, brunette. Probably not a massive surprise given her (vague) resemblance to Kate Mara in the below photo.

Just stuff.

Another broken night of sleep last night, so I decided to work from home. I don't tend to work from home because I have zero motivation and do very little. Today has been no exception. Lack of motivation coupled with being physically and mentally exhausted has meant I've done about an hour's proper work.

I have, however, binged the entire Season 3 of The Expanse. I'd recommend it it - some really good, adult sci-fi... if sci-fi is your thing.

Feeling down.

Another dream, and again, most of the details are eluding me. Vaguely, I was meeting KfW2 for dinner. It was an occasion. A birthday. Her's, mine, someone else's... I don't know. KfW2's closest friend was there too. What happened is something I can't remember, but what I can remember is that, at the end of the dream, as I was waking up, was that KfW2 was no longer speaking to me.

I don't know if this is related to KfW2's recent promotion/job move. It's provoked something in me that I can't put my finger on. I've touched on my (slight) jealousy and my apprehension that I think KfW2 is up to the task now being asked of her.

She has a pay rise, but it's come at a price. It might not even be a pay rise at the end of the day. 

Years ago, around the time that KfW2 got married, I confided in USHW that I saw our friendship diminishing as a result. USHW had suggested that the friendship would likely change, but KfW2 would remain my friend. This is true... but... I dunno. This time it feels different. 

It's been too long since KfW2 and I sat down, had a drink and a chat. In public. We do have semi-regular, small chats, but it's mostly work related, or I've been doing her a favour and the chat is secondary. We haven't had one of our nights out in years.

And it looks like that's further away than ever. And that saddens me a great deal, and I guess I'm feeling a bit lonely.

Looking up

I've always had a thing for tall women. I don't know where that came from... it's not like I've dated a really tall girl* who really impacted me enough to form a preference.

However, when I was looking after KfW2's kids last week, I bumped into a very pretty (bordering on beautiful) brunette girl. Literally bumped into her as I was chasing the kids around. I looked up... and up... and up. She was my height (6' 1"). I managed to apologise without seeming like too much of an idiot before running to catch up with the children who were running riot, filled with adrenaline and sweeties. We crossed paths a few more times before it was time to leave and I got a smile each time.

When it was time to take them back to KfW2's, her eldest told KfW2 about my collision.

"She was a giant!" declared KfW2's eldest.

"Right up your street then, Ruuude" said KfW2 with a raised eyebrow. She knows I like tall girls.

"You have no idea," I laughed.

*FBS is, I think, about 5' 7", that's the same height as KfW2. Most other flings, crushes and girlfriends have tended to be between 5' 2" and 5' 5" with two exceptions: both K and QC1 are 4' 11"

Who?

I woke up after another semi-sleepless night and another dream, this time I recall little detail except it involved K and us having lots of sex (though the context escapes me), and another vaguely identified woman who featured in only a small way. I can't remember exactly who it was, but like Melanie's appearance a few nights ago, it was someone I knew, but wasn't particularly close to, nor was in current contact with. An old school crush maybe? Someone like that.

Weird.

There was a girl who joined my school in sixth form. I've no idea where she came from and to be honest, our paths barely, if ever, crossed. I couldn't even tell you if she knew my name. I see her pop up on Facebook from time to time as part of those "people you may know" lists. She did, however, feature in a dream of mine last night.

I was having a barbecue on the roof of my apartment block when this girl (let's call her Melanie) approaches me and makes conversation. She knows my name and is quite obviously interested in me romantically. Suddenly, there is an emergency. I can't remember what the details of this emergency were, but it requires me to leave immediately. Before I can leave, Melanie leans in and kissed me. It was a great kiss. I left her with my barbecue and went to deal with the emergency.

It's a few days later. Once again I am on the roof, barbecuing. Melanie approaches me again, this time wearing a micro bikini. We chat, but the spark from before is gone We chat, but then I wake up and the dream ends.

The dream itself is weird. I don't actually live in an apartment, for starters. I've never given any real thought to Melanie either in school or since, though she is pretty. And micro-bikinis do nothing for me. I've not seen a picture of one yet where I've thought the woman wearing it looks good in it. Just... weird.

Untitled.

FP is fond of KfW2. They've gotten along really well since they were introduced, so FP often asks after KfW2 when we're in the pub.

I had told him about the recent KfW2 thing with her new job and my gut feeling that it was, once again, about the money rather than the job itself.

I don't know why I'm bothered about this to the extent that I am. I'm guessing at least part of it is my experience with managers. In my current company I've had two excellent managers, one good manager, three disasters and the rest fall into a middling group of "meh".

That's roughly 1 in 3 managers have been a disaster. Two of them were flat out bullies and one was the very definition of incompetent.

So KfW2 going for a management job is off to me. Obviously, I worked "with" her on a few projects. I can't say it was a pleasant experience. She was a control freak, making big promises that required long hours because she couldn't admit that she was wrong. The big promises also meant that all the knowledge was in her head as she had no time to write training documents, so when it came time to leave the team and pass on her knowledge she couldn't.

Actually, by the time she came to leave the team, she was too busy waltzing off for a chat with her chums in the department that the knowledge transfer never really got anywhere near completed and when I mentioned it in passing one afternoon, months after she'd started her new job, she went home that evening and spent hours trawling through emails to try and prove me wrong.

And let's not ignore the professional "jealousy" when I told her about the recognition I had been getting this year.

Being a manager means being fair, transparent, having the respect of your charges. With this behaviour, how does KfW2 meet those traits?

So... I have issues with managers. I hold them to high standards and have strong ideas about what good managers do. Standards that KfW2 doesn't have and ideas that we don't share. As she admitted a few days ago at tea break, she's a mother first and whatever else is down the list. That's what she works weird hours... so that she can spend time with her kids. Unfortunately, our company will allow her to maintain that, which I fundamentally disagree with. Some jobs require that those benefits are restricted... and in my opinion, being a people manager means you need to be in the office, interacting with your staff. Otherwise, how do you build the respect? How do you build the knowledge of what they do so you can give them accurate performance scores every year?

All conversations with KfW2 have talked about her pay rise or being able to maintain her working arrangement. She's said nothing about the new job, her excitement about taking it, the opportunities it will afford her etc.

FP is a lot more experienced in the management side of it than I am, but he's in full agreement with me when I explained all the above to him (and he'd tell me if he wasn't - this isn't taking my side for the sake of it).

I have a bad feeling about it all, but nothing specific I can put my finger on, just a gut feeling.

Concern

QC3 is leaving the country today, destination unknown. Which is weird because she's been very vocal about nearly everything else on Facebook over the past weeks and months. She split with her long-term partner several months ago and has seemingly gone off the rails. The breakup itself may have been due to an addiction issue. Her daughter now lives with another family member.

Part of me is concerned, but I also think that QC3 is the type of person who will drag you down with her if you get involved.

This isn't the first time that QC3 has upped sticks and left. She did so roughly twenty years ago. We had kinda, sorta gotten together one night and then spent the next six weeks circling each other, waiting for the other to indicate it wasn't a drunken mistake, before she left. QC3 was never girlfriend material though - it was very much a lust thing for me. She was a potential FwB rather than anything more substantial mainly due to her being flaky.

And we repeated that when I went to visit her, this time waking in bed with her, naked but with no recollection of the night before. I think she was the same.

And that thought reminded me that there have been several girlfriends and crushes who left the country. CAB, R2, QC3 and FA2 are the ones I remember offhand, at least those who have been mentioned on here before.

Conflicted

KfW2 has an interview today. She's very nervous, but the job specification was written for her and, unofficially at least, the guy she'd be replacing and one of the interviewers wants her to get the job. It's amusing because this is similar to something that happened a few years ago with Stalky Guy... and KfW2 was extremely critical of both the management and Stalky Guy at the time.

It wasn't Stalky Guy's fault, of course. He was just the golden boy of management, but he wasn't suitable for the job. The criticism came because he didn't (publicly) admit that the job was written for him. It's not like he didn't know - we'd all told him. His boss had also pretty much told him in a lateral, innuendo, implied way. And that's where KfW2's criticism came from. Arguably, the job should have been KfW2's, but that favouritism that I've mentioned or hinted at previously isn't just stacked against me.

So, KfW2 is now panicking in case she doesn't get the job. The fact is, if she doesn't get the job then she has fucked up the interview in a pretty major way. The people involved want her to get the job.

I'm conflicted. I want her to do well, though I don't think she's really cut out for the job she's going for: management. She has at least admitted that the job spec was written for her, though is not admitting that the interview will be made easier for her. She's been well-prepped by the two people I mention above and she's mentioned that it's been shared that the company want more females in management. So everything seems to be in her favour. However, just like the last time she went for a new job, this seems to be driven more by the pay rise she'd get for the new job rather than the challenge of something new itself. I personally think it's dangerous that someone goes into management for the cash rather than a desire to do so as a career move.

And, yes, I'm a little jealous. After missing out (i.e. been deliberately overlooked) for a mid-year promotion, it's still a little raw with me and I'd love just to have the support of someone to get a pay-rise and promotion like Stalky Guy and KfW2 have had recently.

Oh, hello!

The first time I saw Attractive Neighbour on Tinder (or Plenty of Fish, I can't remember, but one of the dating sites/apps), one of her pictures showed her in a short-ish skirt with knee-high boots. I've always been a fan of the short-ish skirt and boots combo, so I was a fan of this particular picture, more than others of her. I recall expressing that appreciation to USHW at the time. USHW had always encouraged me to make more contact with AN, but she was never interested in me, though I sometimes wonder if a friendship could have been formed.

Regardless... at work a few days ago, as I was leaving for lunch, I walked past a pretty girl wearing a short-ish tartan skirt and knee-high boots. I think she's new. I don't recall ever seeing her before.

Kinda, sorta like this (similar boots in black, skirt lower in the waist and lower on the leg):

It made my day, the shallow person that I am.

Oh dear

So much for the anticipated improved financial situation. Neither my promotion nor the supposed upcoming reworking of my mortgage is happening that should have made me a few hundred pounds a month better off. The former I've already mentioned - an ongoing feeling that my face isn't fitting here at work. God know the objective evidence should have been enough. But I had thought that my mortgage was coming to the end of its fixed period with a few weeks. Shopping around had shown me that, at the very worst, I'd be just over £100 better off each month.

However, once I dug out my paperwork, it appears that I have another year to go.

FFS.

FFS... Oh!

"Did you know that we're going to join you?"

One of the guys in work, who sits in the team beside me was talking about our upcoming team night out. Sadly, I've been saddled with the organisation. I replied in the negative.

"Yeah, we discussed it in our meeting yesterday"

Hmmm... Did they maybe want to ask if we minded? I don't particularly want to spend more time with the fast-talking mumbler who becomes more and more incoherent as he gets drunker. Or the guy who seemingly spends all of his free time reading Wikipedia articles so that he can pontificate all day long in the office. I contemplated saying something until a realisation hit me. That would mean Quiet Girl would be out.

I can get on-board with having drinks with Quiet Girl. Maybe it's not a bad idea after all...

Lookalikes

There was talk today about your favourite sitcom that no one else liked or had heard of. My nomination was "Becker", starring Ted Danson, Shawnee Smith and Terry Farrell. No one else knew about it. Both Shawnee Smith and Terry Farrell were super cute.

Someone mentioned "Time Gentlemen Please", a British sitcom that I'd never heard of. As I'd never heard of it, I was quickly on to IMDB.

It starred Julia Sawalha. God, I had a massive crush on her when she was in the teen drama "Press Gang". It was her profile picture that caught the eye, though. There was a strong resemblance to CH... very strong in fact, especially around the smile and the eyes. I'm also seeing a bit of FA2 in Sawalha's more serious moments.

Here's a picture:

Sadness

Facebook kindly reminded me that it was the recent anniversary of a night where three things happened:

1. It was GB's birthday
2. CC first admitted her interest in GM - something that still seems to crop up even now (the night in question was back in 2012)
3. CH asked me to kiss her and, separately, was sneakily grabbing my ass whilst we were chatting to other people. It might have prompted the first post where I realised there may have been something more going on than us being friends.

I kinda still miss CH from time to time. The ambiguous flirting was fun and a bit of an ego boost (albeit incredibly frustrating at the same time) and she was good fun. She was also especially good at getting people to talk. The night in question above saw CH getting CC to talk about blow jobs.

I'd love to just have a good chat with her again - over coffee or beers - with no other distractions.

Sigh

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the secret promotion never happened. There were some secret promotions in the department, just not me.

Knowing the people promoted, I have to wonder what it is they did to deserve it. As far as I know, they come in and do their vanilla job from 9 to 5 every day before going home. They haven't, until recently, been involved in department-wide committees etc.

Ever just get the feeling that your face doesn't fit with managers?

A quick digest

I have the lurgy. A guy in work has been coughing and spluttering for nigh on a week now... and it appears that sitting within ten metres of him has cost me my health.

I hope it doesn't last... I have a work thing on Friday that I wanted to attend (to laugh at Ideas Girl) and GM, S and myself have tentatively booked a night out on the Saturday.

In apropos of nothing, it looks like the secret promotion that I was expecting is not going to happen. I need an email from HR by the end of play tomorrow to let me know it's happening, otherwise I'm shit out of luck. Pessimism has set in.

Just stuff.

Chatting to JB today and she surprised me by telling me that she was engaged. I offered my congratulations. She's been dating her boyfriend for around ten years. I'm surprised it didn't happen earlier.

She showed me her ring. I feigned interest. It was nice enough. Gold, but I'm more of a silver platinum man.

Still, I'm delighted for her.

Sigh.

Yesterday, KfW2 confided in me that her boss had gotten a promotion and she was thinking about applying for his job. An interesting career choice. KfW2 had never struck me as the management type. Then came the kicker.

"I need the pay rise"

Ah. Here we go again. This was her spiel last year when she got her new job. It was less about the job and all about the money. That's fine. If you need the money, you need the money. Don't dress up the desire for more money as career progression though. I went through that recently with another guy who eventually left the company for new opportunities. New opportunities that doubled his salary. Each time I see him, he doesn't talk about work... he talks about money.

Frustratingly, both KfW2 and Money Guy have been well looked after by various managers. And yet they remain unhappy. To be fair, KfW2 was well looked after until she went off on maternity a few years back, but since her return, her crown was given to Stalky Guy. It's annoying that, apart from Money Guy, the other two don't recognise their good fortune.

I admit that there's an element of jealousy and frustration. Stalky Guy, KfW2 and Money Guy have all had opportunities handed to them which, admittedly, they've grabbed with both hands and used to their advantage. I haven't had that break. Salary-wise I could/should be 30% better off. It still wouldn't put me anywhere near what the others are earning, but it would mean a lot to me.

KfW2 was talking about the new job all day to day and implying that the job advert is being written with her in mind. The thing is, I don't see her as management material. She doesn't have the personality for it, I don't think. She feels she can't lead right now and that having the title of "manager" will give her the gravitas to make decisions. Her time keeping is flaky, she can be unreliable and she can be all over the place. I'm not sure I'd want her to be my boss. Saying that, my boss is reliable, always in the office etc. and he plays favourites, so maybe KfW2 will work out fine?

My gut says "no", but I've pledged my support.

But I kinda feel that I need something to go my way either personally or professionally. I feel really worn down, exhausted, sick of hard work being ignored. I've not really felt this way in a while, but recent things have brought this back to the surface.

FFS.

For well over a year... nearly two years, I've been angling for a new job. Same boss, just a sideways move. He's told me it's happening. His boss told me it's happening. It just has to be worked out. Two years sounds like a long time, but I'm happy in my current role. It's just that this new one would be a new challenge and get me away from the current set up (including Stalky Guy). It'd mean working with a guy that I used to work with, who I get along with really well.

In fact, the new team have said they'd love to have me on-board. We presented a proposal to the senior boss a few weeks ago around training etc.  and... nothing. Apparently they've put it all on hold until next year.

Until Monday, when I saw a job advert. For the sister team. That would require an interview.

If the interview would be carried out by someone on the team, I'd go for it. They know me. I'd be nervous, sure, but they know my background etc. It's not though. It's to be carried out by a random fella, and the interview is more of an assessment and, quite frankly, it's poor. It's meant to test soft skills (communication to be accurate), but it doesn't.

So, over the past two years, the team has given Stalky Guy a free promotion (and pay rise), and two other guys have been given sideways moves. When it comes to me? No, that door's closed. Do an interview.

That's surely not coincidence. I'm not just being paranoid, am I?

Just stuff.

Another post from QC3 on Facebook. She's gone off the deep end. She was always bonkers. She's leaving the country at short notice, has apparently spent the last few months living with a guy half her age in some foreign country and has lost custody of her daughter. There are also hints that there may be alcohol abuse as well.

Oh dear.

Remember?

As Stalky Guy and I were leaving work this evening, who did I see outside, on the phone? CH. There's only one reason she would be outside - waiting on one of her friends, OK. She had a huge smile on her face and waved. I waved back.

Another guy was with us.

"Who was that?"

I gave CH's real name.

"Oh, is that who it was?"

Stalky Guy chipped in.

"She's nuts! I know a story about her"

Stalky Guy proceeded to explain to the other guy about a night out with work - one of our monthly work things - where she effectively got a friend of mine to show her his junk.

I can't remember the details - I guess it was something to do with whether or not he shaved... or something like that. So he called her bluff and proved her wrong. As it happens, that was also the night of this post, a night I still can't really understand bearing in mind she stopped talking to me after some criticism a few months later.

Chat

G was in touch at the start of the week. Was I free at the weekend to meet for a drink?

I nearly always am. G usually gives me enough notice that I am never double booked.

While we were only out for a couple of hours, we usually cover a load of topics.

For the first time, I admitted to G about one of my body issues. It's not a secret, my family, FP and KfW2 know about it, it's just never come up in conversation before. So while we were talking about fitness and weight loss, the subject came up.

Still... I always enjoy nights out with G, especially those when it's just the two of us. The conversation is more personal than if FP or M also show up.

Reminiscing

Surprisingly, the night out with D, FBS, Opinionated Guy and Friction Guy went well. It's been a while since we were all out together (nearly two years).

We ended up in one of my favourite bars, sat on stools. I was sat beside FBS, who was being very tactile. This, coming from someone who had professed earlier in the evening, wasn't "touchy feely".

If D hadn't been staying at mine last night, I'd have invited her back for a drink (we usually share a taxi anyway). She was looking good.

Of the girls I've slept with, who I'm aware of today, I can't think of anyone that I wouldn't sleep with again. Crushes are another matter though.

Hot off the press

New just in! There's a rearrangement going on in the office. People are moving all around. Looks like I'm going to be sitting facing Quiet Girl from now on. Might be a chance to get to know her better. I think she's still awfully hard to read. Reserved or just dry? I don't know.

Still looks great in yoga pants.

Totally Random.

FP and I were telling each other how we hadn't heard from G in a while. So it was almost inevitable that, two days after FP leaves the country for a week, that G texts to suggest we hit the pub. That's not due to happen until this weekend though. M might be along too, though I've not heard from him in months.

A weekend that already sees me out with D, FBS, Friction Guy and Opinionated Guy.

I might need to take Monday off.

Random stuff.

Off the back of this post, I was in the pub with FP a few nights ago. Towards the end of the night, the guy sitting next to us at the bar got involved in our conversation. Before too long, he started bitching about work. Now, I'm a believer that there are always three versions of any story: your version, their version and the truth somewhere in the middle. However, this guy's bitching seemed to be nothing more than a rant, so I interjected and cut him down to size with a few cutting words. I didn't meant to sound so aggressive, and FP apologised for my "somewhat autistic counter-argument".

Another reference to me being on the spectrum. It's happened before, too. I used to get some private messages when I did my online hobby asking if I was autistic. I still don't know how to approach my GP though, and I still have doubts as to what it would ultimately achieve.

Wow!

Regular readers will know that I have a type: athletic, brunette women. As such, Kate Beckinsale has always been a favourite, especially in her catsuit/Underworld offerings. And now this. How about that for flexibility?

"Listen all y'all, it's a sabotage"

Ploughing through a somewhat rock-orientated playlist in work, trying to distract me from a beer-induced lack of sleep last night, and Sabotage by the Beastie Boys comes on.

I love this track, but it also provokes other memories. Specifically, lying on FBS's sofa late one Saturday night with a music channel on, kissing and hands everywhere (as were her's). We'd been at it for some time, but when this particular song ended, she dragged me upstairs where we quickly undressed each other and, well, you know.

Good times.

Hello!

I was surfing IMDB today when I came across a photo of British actress Helen George. She's best known for "Call the Midwife", a drama that's not really my cup of tea. But do you know something? She really reminds me of GM's friend AH. Due to various things that have happened with GM, AH doesn't come out any more.

That's a shame. AH was always good fun and, as far as I am concerned, easy to talk to. I always give a lot of time to people that I can communicate with.

Pondering.

A few weeks ago, my brother-in-law described me as "sometimes weird". In the past both he and my sister have inferred that I might be further into the autism spectrum than most. While neither of them are medical professionals, they do have experience of autism. But how do I go about a diagnosis?

I'm not entirely convinced myself, though there are times I think I show traits. And have no idea how I would go about it. Just ask my GP? Based on some comments from my family, that even I'm not entirely sure of? When, even if it's true, I don't think has had any kind of influence on my life (and certainly not as much as my social anxiety or shyness).

Things to ponder.

Totally random. (Part 2)

It only took 24 hours for the Ideas Girl thing to escalate. Thankfully, not with me. But one of her admirers asked her out... while at work. And over the work's IM system. That could have been a costly manoeuvre, but she seemed to take it as being non-creepy and politely declined.

In telling me the story, she accidentally let slip the name of the young would-be paramour. I'd been teasing her, telling her that she'd eventually let me know who they were. I'm not that interested in them (apart from the identify of the married lothario), so I had continued the teasing in the hope that she'd crumble and tell me.

She hasn't so far, but time will tell.

Totally random.

Ideas Girl ambled over to talk to me.

"Did you go to the thing on Friday?"

I was confused. How did she know about the thing I was at? Oh. Hang on. She meant our monthly work thing.

"No, I was at something else"

"Ah. I heard some stuff about it. An almighty cock up. I can't name names."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Oh?"

"I can't tell you"

I laughed at her.

"I bet you will."

"I can't say owt here. Text me and I'll let you know."

I picked up my phone and sent her a text, right in front of her.

"I can't believe you would do that!" she declared.

When she went back to her desk, she replied. Someone from work had been making clumsy advances towards her on Friday, via text. IG herself hadn't gone to the monthly event.

"And he's married!" she complained. Wait, was it a complaint? I don't know.

"Do these people not know I'm an incorrigible bachelor?"

And before I could reply:

"He told me he loved me!"

So I asked who it was. IG was tight lipped.

"You know him, so I'm not saying. And he's not the only one. There are three."

Three, eh?

"Ooooh, who are they?"

"They're undateable. That's all you need to know"

"In this company? It's not like you're narrowing it down"

I chuckled to myself and sent her a few texts through the afternoon, teasing her. Then it hit me... her actual confession wasn't what she had originally been talking to me about. Interesting.

Surprise!

We had a work thing yesterday. Not our monthly work thing, but something only for our team. We try to have a few of these every year, for bonding and whatnot. However, due to a couple of last-minute dropouts, we roped in a few people who sit beside us, including Quiet Girl.

I didn't expect her to come along, but when the department boss gives you a half day and is going to pay for everything, what are you going to do?

So, I was in the pub by midday. Spent a pleasant few hours playing crazy golf in QG's team, before adjourning to another bar to meet up with, amongst others, Nerdy Girl.

Drunk and tired, I flopped into bed around 11 PM.

Am knackered today... and could do with The Cure.

Movin' on up. Now?

Maybe I've been imagining things, but I've been semi-expecting an impromptu promotion for a while now. Partly because we've lost some people recently and I'd expect our bosses to try and prevent more losses (they know of my unhappiness about my grade) and partly because my immediate boss said something that made me think he's be trying to get me in the next promotion cycle (that's this month) and his manager giving me knowing looks recently.

Plus... I genuinely think I deserve it. I've outshone Stalky Guy, who has had success handed to him over the past few years but is no better than I am (worse actually, on a day-to-day basis). My results speak for themselves, I just hope that they've gotten to the managers. My workplace is big enough that the political aspect does come into play and having my name seen by the Big Cheeses would be influential.

Any promotions will be announced any time from now until the end of the month, but I'm starting to get butterflies... in a bad way. After convincing myself I was a shoe-ion for the past six weeks, I'm now starting to think the opposite and that's gonna hurt.

Woah.

A while ago, I shut down my previous account on Reddit and started a new one. The previous one wasn't particularly active, but it was a username I've used elsewhere on the internet and I made some personal posts that potentially could have been used to identify me. It was probably nothing (though I do have days when I am convinced KfW2 knows of this blog), but in order to play safe, I started a new one.

Reddit accounts have karma points - if you say something funny, intelligent etc. you get positive karma and if you say something offensive etc. you get karma taken away. My previous account, despite being years old, only ever had a couple of hundred points of karma on it.

A few days ago, I made a post on a thread asking a question. I replied, not in any kind of detail - a few sentences at most and went off for lunch. When I cam back, I thought something was wrong. My Reddit score was off - it had increased by a hundred points, tripling what it had been an hour earlier. As the afternoon wore on, the score just kept rising. Apparently the original question had gained some traction and was being widely read, and as such, my own reply was popular in its own right. There were lots of comments, nice comments, being left as replies.

When I woke up this morning, the activity seemed to have died down, but my score now sits at 3.5K karma points. And well over 90% of that was from yesterday alone.

It's strangely satisfying seeing the points rack up. It tells you that what you have said strikes a chord with people, but the comments were better, albeit fewer in number.

Edit: the score has risen to 5000 points!

What a tangled web we weave.

Yesterday, something triggered a quite powerful memory of a weekend I spent in Glasgow roughly fifteen years ago. It was a gathering of a group of people from the online hobby that I was involved in at the time.

The personal highlight was meeting F for the first time. We'd swapped messages and emails and had hit it off, so we were both looking forward to meeting in person.

And we had a brilliant weekend. We did hit it off in person, just as much as we had done online, if not more. We probably would have been inseparable all weekend, if it had not been for two small problems: F's bit-on-the-side, and K.

F and her bit-on-the-side had arrived in town a full 24 hours prior to anyone else, so had plenty of time to do whatever it is that people do. When everyone else had arrived on the Friday, we adjourned to a bar where F and I managed to find ourselves sat beside each other, and began to chat. Accidentally, we kinda shut ourselves off from everyone else.

A while later, maybe an hour or so, F's bit on the side disappeared in a bad mood. One of the other girls followed him out to see if he was OK. She returned shortly and spoke to F. He was in a bad way. Crying. Apparently I was "hogging" F and he wasn't happy about it. Apparently he'd been firing dirty looks my way for ages, but I was so engrossed in convo with F that neither of us had noticed. F sighed and got up to leave.

"Where you going?"

"To see the BotS"

"Fuck him. He's just being childish, clingy and immature. There are plenty of people here he can talk to."

"No, I have to go." She sighed. "You are right, though."

F's bit-on-the-side was always a weird sort. He'd set up a website to support the community side of the online hobby, but then never wanted to do anything with it - to evolve it or let it be something more. USHW would sometimes voice her frustrations at his inability to do anything or make decisions. What I didn't know at the time was that the rumour mill had been in full flow and there had been talk that F and I were having an affair, which was laughable as we'd never even met. This had fed the BotS's paranoia and also K's.

F walked off. I looked around the table. K was furious. Oh dear.

A few months prior to this weekend, K and some other hobbyists were in my hometown. I got dragged out to see them, somewhat against my wishes, and I ended up having sex with K at the end of the night. K had driven this - she had jumped me for a snog, she was the one who put sex on the table and at no time prior to this had she shown any sign of any kind of attraction.

A few days later, she started talking about relationships... I was refusing to get involved, for all manner of reasons. She simply wasn't someone I saw as girlfriend material. She was too serious, for starters, with little self-awareness. There was distance to consider, as well. I wasn't even lying to her when I said this. Strangely, she tried arguing these points as if it was something logical that she could turn around. This was a shame. We had actually been friends to this point. If she'd suggested some kind of FwB arrangement or hadn't been so full on with the "we should start a relationship" nonsense, we might have slept together again. Or maybe that's something we should have done prior to her going 100 mph for a relationship.

What I didn't really realise was that she was trying to get in with a couple of females that I was publicly friendly with in the hobby circle - F, R and another girl. R herself is private, so K suddenly appearing in her inbox being friendly scared her off. I knew nothing of the K and F thing for a while until F confessed to me one day. K had admitted to F that we'd had sex, though I'd said nothing and F had been trying to coax a confession out of me to no avail.

So... K was furious that I'd been talking to F (and presumably ignoring her). If I am being honest, I did have half a mind on seeing if I could bed K that weekend. She was still talking (behind my back) about relationships though. She was telling F that I wanted to be with her, but wasn't going to commit. I was telling F that I'd have sex with K again, but she really wasn't my type for a relationship and it would need to be casual.

F eventually talked BotS round and he returned, eyes puffy and red. I spent the entire weekend taking the piss out of him (much to F's delight) and avoiding being left alone with K.

On the last day, F asked if I would go and speak to K (I later found out this was actually K's request and F was just the messenger). She was in her room. I knocked, she answered, and invited me in.

She started the whole relationship talk again. I told her that it was completely out of the question and I didn't know where she was getting the idea from that this was something I was considering or would consider. Obviously, this wasn't said as bluntly as reported above, but I probably should have. Bear in mind that I'd deliberately distanced myself from K at this weekend, barely talking to her, never mind trying anything sexual.

I left, went back to the hotel lobby, collected my bag, gave F a quick update and a hug and left. I winked at BotS too, just for kicks. The journey home was uneventful. A few days later, F was in touch. Apparently, after I'd left, K had come down and chatted to F.

She'd shared that we'd spoken, told F what I'd said and then followed that with "I don't believe him. He does want a relationship with me, he's just scared of commitment."

I believe at that point F told K to "seriously get a grip" and that she was being "delusional" and suggested if I'd been interested, I'd have tried something that weekend. While I wasn't against the idea of sleeping with K again, I wasn't prepared to feed her delusions or lead her on just for sex. Though, it would have ticked a Bucket List item, had we screwed.

K never mentioned a relationship ever again... but that was mainly down to me keeping my distance from her, I think. But she did blame me for our friendship falling apart, about 18 months later.

Memories

With the past few days being political box office both here in the UK and across the pond in the States, I've been paying close attention to the various news outlets. Productivity in work has been down. Oops.

However, the recent allegations against Boris Johnson with regards to Jennifer Arcuri have "forced" news outlets to post pictures of the ex-model. In some of them, there's a sense of deja vu. I want to say that, at certain angles, there's a resemblance to RB... and there kinda is... but I'm not sure that's who's sparking the undefined memory. Maybe someone famous?

Dreams

There were two semi-remembered dreams from last night. The first was more of a memory, while the latter was one of those random ones.

The first was when I was living abroad. I was in my local pub, having a drink and chatting to the barman, who I'd quickly befriended. In fact, I was friends with all of the bar staff actually. That wasn't difficult, there were only three. As I was the only customer in the bar, I had the choice of music. The barman on duty had created a dozen or so playlists that he was able to put on that would last a good few hours. I selected one that had a lot of soul and funk in it. I was in that kind of mood. A while later, the bar started to fill.

A woman arrived in and, while standing at the bar waiting to get served, asked for a change in music.

"Put on a different playlist," she demanded. "Number Seven is the best!"

Playlist Seven was really not my cup of tea and, in all honesty, I was sick of hearing it. The barman turned to look at me. He knew my thoughts on PL7.

"Nooooo! Stick with this one," was my retort. "It's better! We can change to something different when it ends."

The woman turned to look at me. She would have been slightly older than I was at the time. Or she was a decade older and looked after herself. I couldn't tell. She was attractive though.

"Sounds like someone needs to get laid. Chill out!"

I hadn't thought my reply was angry or anything. I actually thought it was quite playful. It was an interesting reaction.

"Are you offering?" I asked, smiling. The barman laughed out loud.

"You wish!" She looked as if she was going to say something else but couldn't think of anything. She settled with ordering a drink and moved away.

When she returned a little later for another drink, we ended up talking for most of the evening. She was good fun, if a little arrogant. We were part of a small group left as the bar was closing, well into the early hours of the next morning. I lived about twenty minutes walk away. As did she, albeit in the opposite direction.

"Will you walk me home?" she asked. I looked at the barman and he winked at me.

"Sure" I replied.

And I think you can tell what happened from here. There haven't been many times when a woman has actually, literally thrown herself at me, but this was one of them. It was late the next day when I eventually made my way home.

And the second dream was work-related. I think. Well, the setting of the dream was work. I was being shifted around many different desks, but each time I was allocated one and had started to settle, they would decide I had to move elsewhere. This was continuing as I woke up and was, in the dream, the cause of immense frustration. I can't figure out what that was all about.

Chilling out

This past week, I've taken some annual leave. I didn't take it for any particular purpose - I have LOADS left to take before the end of the year and I've already booked in my days for Christmas. Suffice to say, I've done nothing this week.

Well... not nothing but as good as. Some minor house stuff plus given the place a damned good cleaning. Oh, and I met FP for a few drinks. I had some other other stuff to do, but just like when I am in work, the two big tasks have slipped my mind all week. I can't do them now as it's far too late and it's the weekend.

It's back to work on Monday, and I wonder how I'll feel. Currently, I have no issues with having done  nothing, but will I feel that way on Monday? Something similar happened at the start of the summer when I took a week's leave and did nothing, then felt incredibly guilty about it upon my return to work.

And I am hopeful that my return to work on Monday will kick off a few things that I've been expecting for the past few months, but that's a post in itself I think.

Money, money, money.

It's a record number of rollover in this Tuesday's EuroMillions lottery. The jackpot is estimated to be in the region of £167 million. With today's exchange rate, that's roughly $206 million or €186 million.

I can't even begin to comprehend how much money that is, nor what I would do with it if I actually won (Yes, I've a ticket for it, for a laugh).

What would YOU do with a substantial lottery win?

Memories

This morning I was thinking about people I knew at school, after digging up some old scans of photos from around the time I left. I was specifically think of  two people: a guy I'd been friends with all the way through school since Year 8, and a girl who I'd been friends with in sixth form and I'd developed a MASSIVE crush on.

They both went AWOL after school and have, to the best of my knowledge, no social media presence. I have looked. Neither of them turned up to our school reunion (which would have been nearly five years ago now) and none of our circle of friends seems to know where they've gone to.

The girl, let's call her SJ, was always going to go away for university. While she had never confided in me about it, she was the kind of girl that wanted to go out and see the world. And once she left, it was unlikely she'd ever be back. However, she didn't seem like the type that would simply disappear, even though this was pre-social media. Bearing in mind that I'd stayed in touch with R2 for a few years after she left, and we barely knew each other - a budding romance/friendship that was just at the wrong time. SJ and I were actual friends.

I know FP saw her a few times shortly after we all left school. He even claimed that she'd made moves on him one night. I don't know how much I believe him. SJ was the kind of girl who would have made a move herself if she was interested, but I don't know that FP was her type.

I saw SJ once after we left - I bumped into her and her little sister at a musical at the theatre when I was out with AM and tried to have a conversation or at least arrange to meet after the show for a drink. I think the term "frosty" would adequately describe her engagement in the conversation. It was disappointing and somewhat confusing. After all, when she broke up with a boyfriend, I was the person she called for company, not any of her female friends. We were close.

Of all the people I've lost touch with over the years, SJ is definitely top of the list of people I'd love to hear from again.

Ring ring.

A part of me half-expected G to be in contact today. It was the anniversary this weekend of his father passing away, and he usually comes home for that. I was out of town five years ago when this happened. As it was, I was actually meant to be meeting G, along with FP (who was travelling with me). We ended up in Brighton that weekend. I was keeping an eye out for CAB and R, both of whom are based in Brighton these days, I think. (I have no idea how CAB would react to bumping into me on the street, though.) And I do have this habit of bumping into people I know when I travel over to London.

There's been no sign of G today though. I was busy doing some stuff about the house today, so this thought hadn't crossed my mind until a few minutes go.

He still might be in touch, if he's in town. G can be the master of late phone calls at times.

Memories Part 3

As abruptly as the conversation started, it ended. CH simply stopped replying to messages at the end of the afternoon.

Years later, she's still the same sadly.

Memories Part 2

Off the back of my earlier post, CH and I have been swapping messages all afternoon. I had re-posted the Facebook post that had prompted the memory, to which CH replied.

An hour or so later, my phone buzzed. It was CH. We chatted, as best we could for a few hours, though the conversation never really took off beyond the initial topic - CH is currently off work due to surgery.

Sometimes, I miss CH's company. More often than that, and what is true right now, is that I wish I could have had the same friendship with CH that I had/have with KfW2, at least in terms of being able to see her socially, to chat to her freely without her backing off.

Memories

According to Facebook, today is the sixth anniversary of the night that CH made some very interesting comments with what I perceived to be hidden meaning. Hinting at... what? You can read about it in this post.

All she said, using actual words, was that I should join her for a drink for a bit, to get away from another gathering for half an hour or so. It was a Tuesday night, so I can't remember what the occasion was.

But what did she actually mean? My gut told me (backed up by USHW) that there was something she wasn't saying.

One of life's unanswered, though frustrating questions.

Chatty.

Quiet Girl did indeed turn up top the social event, KfW2 didn't sadly. Nerdy Girl also showed up, eventually.

Quiet Girl stayed a lot longer than I had predicted. I think she simply enjoyed our company - we're a reasonably tight knit group, though welcoming to people we like... and we like Quiet Girl. It was nice to get chatting to her for a bit, not talking about work etc.

I think I put to bed the ambiguity around Nerdy Girl as well. There was nothing last night that suggested she was interested in anything other than being pals, which suits me down to the ground.

There may be a few sore heads today, but not me. All I'm suffering from is lack of sleep.

Oh, what a sight.

Headphones on, listening to tunes as I walk into the office and I stop dead in my tracks. Literally three metres in front of me, Quiet Girl is bent over, fishing something out of her bag, in full yoga gear.

A nice set of well-fitting yoga pants is a joy to behold. So I did. Well, as long as I could without being seen to perv in the office.

I hope she's going out to this thing in the pub later, but whether it's happening is in the balance, due to some personal issues of the guy who's leaving.

Circles.

Speaking to KfW2 over lunch, and she once again reiterated how skint she is.

"And I will be until 2021!" she quipped.

Well... there goes adult night out for the foreseeable future. Unsurprisingly, she suggested that I might go to hers... along with her hubby's friend. I think I've mentioned before how often an invite to KfW2's often coincides with her hubby inviting his friend over for drinks. It's not that I don't like the friend... I just don't know him very well, so I'm unlikely to be vocal in any conversation.

Still... I haven't seen her, outside work in, like, forever so the invite is really tempting regardless.

Who knows when this will actually be though. I've already got a night out in October (possibly two if the usual Hallowe'en night happens), so my own finances aren't going to be in great shape unless this suspected promotion (and subsequent pay rise) come along.

It literally will be three years since our last adult night out before we get another one.

Memories Squared

I was reminded of something that Nerdy Girl said a few weeks ago, earlier today. I can't remember what prompted the memory of that particular conversation, but Nerdy Girl effectively said that she thought that myself and three fairly close colleagues (ex-teammates) were "safe" and she could trust us implicitly.

If I remember correctly, when she said this, I raised an eyebrow as a) I'd already had that suspicion that she was looking for something from me and b) there was no context to her saying this.

Today's memory prompted another memory of working with QC2, in my early 20s, and a small group of us (including Friction Guy), talking about arranging a weekend away to go on the lash. QC2 stated that, if required, she'd share a room with Friction Guy as she didn't "trust" the rest of us. I mean, she had a point, I had a MASSIVE crush on her back in the day, so sharing a room with her would have been the jackpot. That trip never actually happened, so room sharing was a moot point, but the memory was there.

Thoughts.

It struck me as I posted yesterday about KfW2 that we've not seen nor spoken a lot to each other over the past few months.

We do message in work over the IM system, but KfW2 has weird ideas in work. Or at least, she's not consistent. Some days, she can be chatty, other days she'll say nothing, but it's mainly at her discretion. If she's chatty it's because she wants to be, not because I'm coaxing a conversation out of her. We did have a lunch date in July, but it seemed off. I think that was me, seeing as she had cancelled the lunch date several times because of work, when I think she could have refused to attend lunchtime meetings as she had already made plans. That would have been the truth, as well, not some kind of fib and completely acceptable.

I can't remember the last time I saw her kids, though she did make a point of saying that she didn't want to ask me to babysit any more as she felt guilty that we've not yet had our adult day or night out.

Accordingly to Facebook, she is doing more socialising with her daughter's friends' parents - both adult evenings and kid-friendly days out.

Maybe the friendship just has to move on?

Social talk

Our regular work night out is tonight, but I'm not there. I'm still recovering from an impromptu boozy afternoon with a couple of colleagues on Wednesday. Ideas Girl hasn't been in touch in a while, so I'd not be entirely surprised if tonight saw some drunken texts.

However, we do have a night out this time next week. It's a leaving bash, so I'm expecting it to be fun. KfW2 will be invited, though she has recently mentioned that she will be skint for a few months due to rising childcare costs, so I'm not expecting her to come out, even though the guy leaving and KfW2 are friends... or close colleagues at least. CC was quite withering about that admission around KfW2's finances. Quiet Girl could also get an invite and I think she might attend, at least for a bit.

Quiet Girl seems to have a good sense of humour, but I've not really spoken to her in a social setting. It'll be interesting to see if she lets her hair down if she comes out and has a drink.

Part of me wants KfW2 to come out, but part of me would rather we managed to arrange our adult night out, if she has to pick and choose.

Memories II

For the past few days, I've been thinking an awful lot about my time with FA2. I've no idea why it popped in to my head or has stubbornly stayed there, there are no recent anniversaries or particular memories from this time of year.

Memories

Today marks the 5th anniversary of the night that CH told me how awesome I was, how much she valued my friendship and other, really nice platitudes. It makes the falling out a few months later all the more saddening, and surprising.

If I recall correctly, she was also very tactile that night and, in full view of several co-workers, kissed me several times.

Sometimes I do miss talking to her, and I wonder where our friendship would have ended up.

Lookalikes.

Another girl who often pops up on Tinder is an attractive, petite brunette. She's always well turned out in the photos she chooses, and if she were older, I'd definitely be interested and chasing up Mr QC1 (they're friends on Facebook). As it is, I think she's just a little too young for me. At least I think she is. I can't actually remember what age she is.

That's just rambling on my part. I just wanted to post to say that she reminds me of actress Anna Kendrick - similar shape of face, style etc.

Swipey McSwipeface

As I may have suggested in previous posts, it's infrequent that someone really grabs my attention on any of the online dating apps or websites. CB is the prime example, of course, but there have been a couple of others. A drop in the ocean compared to the amount of women I've swiped, messaged or whatever else is done on online dating.

Today, one of these rare people popped up. I've seen her a few times on Tinder, and I've always swiped right or Super Liked though I still don't understand how the latter works).

I swiped right, but I meant to Super Like. Bearing in mind that I've done this a couple of times before with this particular person, I'm not expecting any results, but you never know...

I want to ride my bicycle.

For the first time in ages, I took my bike out for a spin yesterday. It's about five years old (at least), but if I've been on it more than a couple of dozen times, I'd be surprised. I didn't go far - roughly a 3.5 mile round trip - but I'm feeling it in my legs today.

Of course, burning an extra couple of hundred calories is always good... but not when you follow that up with going to your sisters and drinking beer all day in the sunshine. Oops!

Rock 'n' roll

It was a good day. I had a few days off work, and part of the reason was for an all-day gig in my hometown. it was the same gig that I first introduced FP to KfW2 many years ago and I was pleased about how well they got along together.

This year there was also the possibility of some introductions, again with FP and some work colleagues, though it didn't pan out that way.

I was also expecting to see Nerdy Girl - she was going to the gig too (though I was unable to pinpoint of she was an actual fan or just enjoying the day out) and I still haven't figured out if she has grander designs than friendship. While we ended up swapping text messages, our paths did not cross.

I had also assumed that we might stay out after the gig for a few drinks, but that never happened either. It's probably just as well... by the time I got back into the house, it was very late and I was shattered. It was the best night's sleep I've had in ages.

Another day off today, back in work tomorrow and a short week until the weekend rolls round again.

Pub Hunch

Nerdy Girl hugged me tightly when I was saying my goodbyes. It was leaving drinks for a few people from work, most of whom I didn't know, but Nerdy Girl had specifically asked me along, despite us not knowing each other particularly well or for too long.

"Can I get you to stay?" she asked.

I was a little confused. I'd barely seen her all evening as she'd been flitting from group to group. She was hammered too. I was more than tipsy myself, hence my leaving. It wasn't particularly early or late. I'd been out for about five hours, but I know when to call it a night and this was a good point.

"Nope! I'm horrendously drunk* and I need to go home"

* This was an exaggeration.

Still... I can't escape the feeling that Nerdy Girl was looking for something, despite the fact that she's shown no obvious indicators of interest, I just have this hunch based on very little.

Questions.

Today marks the tenth anniversary of my Facebook friendship with QC2. Obviously, the real anniversary is a different date, and much further in the past.

It must be about seven years since we last spoke/met. I must say that I'm a little disappointed how it fizzled out, but it's not like I miss her or anything. Actually, the last time I remember seeing her, I was out with KfW2, FP and their respective partners, basking in the glow of how well they got on. I got a drunken hug off QC2 (she's really not tactile) and we went our separate ways.

However, I am intrigued. When I browsed her Facebook page a while back (a couple of years), I got suspicious about a picture of her partner and a baby. QC2 was adamant she was never having kids and, seeing as she's older than I am by about a year, if it hadn't happened when we were in contact, I'd have thought it was too late. Sadly, QC2 has always been extremely private and never been that active on Facebook.

Had she actually had a baby? And at her age?

Mysteries.

Baby got back.

Years ago, in a conversation with USHW, I admitted a fondness for the female back. I don't know where it came from. The only other time I ever admitted anything about it was to A and she semi-teased me for ages about it. The first time I remember thinking about it in terms of a real-life turn-on was QC3's outfit at D's wedding. QC3 was, back in the day, slim and very toned - six-pack and everything.

I had, previously, loved stroking my partners' backs when we were cuddling and stuff, but it had never been a visual thing until QC3 that I can remember. And it was never anything I'd shared, except with A and then USHW.

And so I was surfing Bumble today (an online dating app like Tinder) and there was a photo of someone in my catchment area showing off an impressive back. Of course, I swiped right.

Catching up

Of course, we couldn't just go out without S inviting his "proper" friends along. He does it almost all the time. Most of his friends are OK, but there's one guy who's a selfish, arrogant asshat. But even so, inviting his mates out all the time can be tiresome. Last night, for example, was the first night I've seen S and GM in months. It would be nice to get out and have a proper catch up. It's difficult to get S to talk about anything with any substance at the best of times, but he clams up even more when he's out with his friends, even though he's quite open with them.

Still it was an enjoyable night, even if S's friend did end up calling the shots with regards to where we went. We managed to shepherd him toward our preferred bars.

We ended the night with cocktails and GM and I having a conversation about CH, about her unreliability and how my criticism of her ended our friendship. We didn't speak of the undeniable sexual tension that had existed between us. I'm convinced that no-one noticed apart from CH and me. If anyone had, they've never mentioned it.

According to Facebook this morning, I narrowly missed bumping into FBS in our starting bar and if we hadn't made a last-minute decision, at the end of the night, to go to a club instead of our original choice of bar, we'd have bumped into an ex-girlfriend of GM's... on her hen night.

Off and on.

I was meant to be out with FP tonight, but that's fallen by the wayside. We'll need to reschedule but neither of us is free for at least a week, and we're due to meet up for a prior arrangement anyway.

However, all is not lost. An out of the blue text from GM, and we're due to meet up later for a few drinks, along with S.

I've seen neither of these guys, properly socially, for months (cinema trips don't count). I'm looking forward to it.

Also, KfW2 was in touch. She's off out again for another night out. I think she sensed my disappointment (any night out she has without me means our own night out is even further away as she can't afford to do a lot of socialising plus she has called in favours for babysitting) and tried to downplay it by saying she didn't really want to go nor could she afford it.

I understand the obligations... that doesn't mean I can't be disappointed.

Just stuff.

I logged on to my work laptop tonight, not to do any work, but to get the details for my fantasy football team. We're having a bit of a competition in work, and I wanted to do a bit of tweaking.

My email app was still running from earlier and I had an email that I had been given an award for recent efforts (I believe that I have previously posted about it... well complained mostly about not being given the credit). I was nominated by Stalky Guy.

This is good as it will be used to justify the promotion that I believe I'm pencilled in for come September. It could also mean more - perhaps a bonus payment or even a foreign trip away, but that's going to be unknown until around the end of the year.

It has cheered me up though and I'm sitting with a daft smile on my face.

Woah (sad face)

When USHW and I communicated regularly, we would often ask questions out of leftfield. Some would be simply fun - "What super power would you like and why?", some might be a little more personal "Would you sleep with CH if given the chance?" and some were somewhere in the middle "Would you date someone who worked in the sex industry?"

I answered that last question that I'd not rule anything out, but I would have concerns. Maybe surprisingly, but the concerns that I would have would be around the girl's mental health. It's no surprise that a lot of girls who end up in the sex industry have mental health issues.

I have long enjoyed the work of Jenni Lee for a number of reasons and I knew that she had dropped out of the industry a few years ago, though had gone independent as far as I knew instead of working for the big studios.

And then this popped up while I was navigating around the internet:

Living homeless (she has kids that she's estranged from) with a drug habit. It's truly heartbreaking, even with her apparent positive attitude to her circumstances.

Oooooh!

Over the past weekend, in a fit of nostalgia, I was watching one of The Rock's first films, Walking Tall.

Nostalgia because it reminded me of working abroad, meeting some people who would become friends and V.

One night, instead of hitting a bar, we congregated in one of the guy's apartments, hired a couple of films, bought in a lot of beer and snacks and just had a good time.

One of those films was Walking Tall, and we all had a good laugh while watching it.

On repeat viewing, it's not as bad as I remember and had the added bonus of having The Fit One From "How I Met Your Mother" aka Cobie Smulders in it, albeit for a few seconds.