I've done stage 1 of the carpet shopping. On the way there, I took a minor detour past one of FBS's old houses. The one she lived in when we had our brief thing. It brought back some very fond memories. Fond x-rated memories.
And now I need a cold shower.
It's only been a week and a bit since I was meant to do dinner and drinks with KfW2. The recent night out with G has given me a taste for... something. I would try with KfW2 to rearrange something... and I will... but she's unlikely to have any free time until near the end of November.
There's a potential work night out at the end of this month, but that's 4 weeks away. I have a definite night out with D, FBS and Friction Guy in three weeks time.
That's the kind of thing that I'm craving - a night out with friends somewhere that I don't usually go. Interaction with strangers, too. That's what I got with G on Saturday.
I think it ties into the whole loneliness thing from last week, too.
I did send out the messages to The Crowd and D, FBS etc. and got the messages back that I'd expected. I think GM said that he'd call round to see me. On a side note, while I've spoken to KfW2 a couple of times, I'm a little sad she hasn't actually visited.
I will see her tomorrow, albeit only for a few minutes, but it'll be great to see her.
I was chatting to KfW2 earlier and I realised that I needed to share some news with The Crowd and D, FBS etc. So I've fired off a quick WhatsApp message to all of them, to keep them updated.
Another recurring dream of mine last night: that I'd failed my university exams. It's always university exams, never GCSEs or A-Levels. And the dream's always the same: I know I've failed them, I was totally under-prepared and I have to sit there while my peers celebrate their exams.
The relief when I wake and realise that my university years were 30 years ago and I'll likely never have to sit an actual exam ever again is palpable.
When I have recurring dreams like this, I always remember back to FBS's house. She had a book about understanding dreams. On her bedside cabinet? Beside the sofa in the living room? I can't recall the exact details.
Apparently a dream about failing exams usually means you feel anxious, stressed, or underprepared for a challenge in your waking life.
FBS messaged last night. Not specifically to me, but in the group chat with D and Friction Guy. So we could potentially have a night out in October.
That means that before the end of October I could have about 4 nights out. Next Friday, I'm out with my sister at a pub quiz. the following week, I'm out with KfW2. Potentially there's a work night out at the end of September, and if not, a near-guaranteed one in October.
Plus this planned October night with FBS etc.
I'm looking forward to them all.
More poor quality sleep and a dream that felt more like a memory than anything else... purely because a lot of the dream did take place. It involved FBS and I having a slot of sex. And that was pretty much the dream.
In real life, we'd been to the pub, she'd asked me back to hers afterwards, we'd kissed on the sofa which escalated, she asked me to stay, I agreed, we went to bed, fucked, fell asleep and spent most of the next day in bed going through another couple of rounds. Late afternoon, I eventually left to go home, shower and change before heading out to the pub again.
And that was pretty much the dream, except we were a lot more adventurous in the dream than we had been in real life.
Going back to the real life aspect of my memory/dream, we might have repeated the same feat that second evening, too. There was definitely a weekend where we did just have sex and go to the bar, but whether that's the night of this dream, I can't say. And because it was the middle of Winter - mid-January, I think - I don't think I saw daylight for nearly three days.
So not only am I still exhausted after nearly a week of rotten quality sleep, I'm now uncontrollably horny, too.
I'm pretty sure I've commented on this before, but back in the day, around the same time that I briefly hooked up with FBS, she would often wear a really nice pair of black OTK boots over her jeans.
They're also known as "fuck me boots" or, as FBS called them: "CFM boots" for "come, fuck me". I don't recall FBS wearing them in the three or so months we were doing our thing. She definitely never wore them any time we went back to her house for... fun. I definitely would have remembered that.
And while I do have fond memories of FBS wearing that combination of jeans and footwear, it wasn't a look I recall seeing other women wear... until I saw an Instagram post with this actress, Helen Flanagan.
A post made on Reddit asked how old was the oldest piece of clothing that people own. My record is 31 years: a t-shirt that I bought at a gig back in, I think, 1995. It's on its last legs, but there's a bit of sentimental value to it. It was a gig I was at with D and FBS and had a great time (this was long after my dalliance with FBS).
But I also have another t-shirt that's over 18 years old. This one doesn't really have sentimental value - I don't recall where or when I bought it - but I do remember that I wore it on my "proper" date with Recruitment Bird. Does getting handsy and making out with RB mean that I can attach sentimental value to a t-shirt? Maybe it does.
We're a few weeks away from it being the 18th anniversary of the start of the RB thing, but I think it's time that the t-shirt gets retired*
*binned.
We had a team-building event yesterday that involved an escape room then a trip to the pub. I was drunk, dear Reader. The first time in a long time. I can't remember the last time I was properly drunk. Maybe the last time I was out with FBS and that crowd?
Anyway, it was a good night. I spent a while chatting to the tall woman that I've posted about a few times before. The one who might have made a drunken approach at a previous work event. I don't think she really remembers that.
I met a few other work people from other teams and offices and they were all really nice.
I could do with going back to bed, though. Drunk sleep + waking early means a very tired Ruuude.
D prompted FBS for some dates where we could go out, but it transpires that she's not available until the start of July, with travel plans and family commitments.
I messaged D separately and suggested if he wanted to meet for drinks, seeing as he's in town, I'd be more than happy to meet up. He said that Friction Guy was going to the same day time thing that D was, so there's a real possibility that he could also tag along.
Out of all of us who worked in the same place all those years ago: me, D, FBS, Friction Guy, QC2 and Opinionated Guy, I'd say that me, D and Friction Guy would be the core group (from my perspective). It'd be nice to head out, just the three of us. It must be 20 years since that happened.
I did call KfW2 at lunch and we spent 20 mins or so, chatting. I think that's the the first time we've spoken since I was at her house about 2 months ago. Our calls and texts are getting more infrequent, and she doesn't really interact on social media any more (not that I am massively active on Facebook). I should follow up over the weekend see about getting her out properly for food and drinks.
I also did get the gardening done. Well, about 80% of it. I have some tidying up to do, but the equipment I need to do it is at my Dad's house. I'm meant to be heading over there tomorrow, so I could get the work done by the end of the weekend.
FBS has already replied to D's text message saying she's unavailable on the day that D's suggested for drinks, but she's not offered up any alternatives.
And finally, thanks to some guy in work who's been a massive PITA over the past few weeks, I have a work call to attend tomorrow morning at 4AM. FFS. These use to be fairly regular when I was in the same team as Stalky Guy, but in my current team, these are almost unheard of.
D's just sent a message. Do we want to meet for drinks at the end of next month? I've checked my diary and I've got nothing on, so I've replied that I'd be interested.
I can't remember if I've posted about this before, but I had a random memory earlier today about a Saturday afternoon spent with FBS and a few others in the pub. The night before, I had been at D's house, having beers and playing video games.
I seem to recall D making a point about FBS being out with BW and a few others and why I wasn't with them. D was one of the few people who knew that FBS and I had been fucking. I knew he knew. He knew that I knew he knew, but still, I never really admitted it to anyone.
So, the next day, I arrived at FBS's house, which we'd preplanned. We were meeting D and others in town. Why I was at FBS's and not D's, who only lived two streets over, and closer to my house is lost in the mists of time.
I knocked on the door and BW answered. I can't say I was surprised. I would say that 90% of the time BW went to a bar, he went with a plan to meet a girl. He didn't know about FBS and I, so to the best of his knowledge, FBS was available. I'm willing to bet that he'd tried it on.
He had kipped on the sofa. FBS was nowhere to be seen. It was silent. I couldn't even tell if she was still asleep. But it was rapidly approaching lunchtime and I wanted to get into town, grab a bite somewhere and hit the pub.
While BW made himself presentable and tidied the sofa, I went upstairs and knocked on FBS's bedroom door.
"Are you awake?"
"Yes. C'mon in."
FBS was lying in bed.
"Get your arse out of bed. It's time to meet the rest."
It wasn't really. We had about an hour or so, but that allowed time for FBS to get ready, perhaps shower and get a bus into town.
"Yes, well, not with you watching. Turn around."
I'd forgotten that FBS had made two surprising claims about her sleeping habits. The first was that she didn't have a "side" of the bed. She just went to bed on whatever side was closest when she was ready. The other was that she slept naked.
I'd already seen her naked at this point, but this was months after we'd last spent the night together. She wrapped herself in a dressing gown and opened her wardrobe.
"Is BW still downstairs?"
"Yeah."
"OK, I'll get ready. Go downstairs, I'll be 20 minutes."
The thing is, while I am 100% that this happened, some of the details of my memory feel off... not quite right. Like the night with D, playing video games, feels like it was the middle of winter, while the next day arriving at FBS's house feels like today: not quite spring, but dry, bright and just a little cold. Given our recent history and how it ended - I wouldn't say I ghosted FBS, but we didn't spend a lot of time alone once she admitted she wanted more than just casual sex - so me turning up at her house months after we last fucked and being cheeky enough to walk into her bedroom and demand she got out of bed also feels off.
Ah well, it's a pleasant memory nonetheless.
It's FBS's birthday today. She's three years younger than I am. Back when we briefly fucked, she was a lot more wordly wise than I was. She'd moved out of her parent's house quite young. She had, by her own admission, gone through a rebellious streak. She didn't have a great relationship with her Dad. She'd taken a lot more drugs than I had. Her body count was much higher than mine. And she'd already been engaged.
But she was always positive and optimistic. It's the one thing I would say was her defining characteristic.
Anyway, I sent her a message earlier, wishing her a Happy Birthday.
I've always claimed that I'm not a boobs guy or an ass guy or a specific body part guy, and that's true. But I have to say that boobs have been on my mind a lot over the past few days. That picture of Anna Kendrick that I posted yesterday is really doing it for me. When considering my past, FBS and CAB have been on my mind a lot, too, and they were blessed in the chest department.
Brie Larson has popped up a lot recently when I have been browsing the internet, mostly on Instagram or Reddit. And her current look is giving me serious FBS vibes. It's the way she's styled and coloured her hair. She had it cut very short last summer for some theatre she was doing in England and she's growing it out.
It's still short, but not buzzcut short, which is how FBS wore her hair for a long time. And she had it the same colour too.
A series of memories popped into my head a few minutes ago. I think I've posted about one of them before: AM invited FBS to our New Year's Eve gathering at a party two hours away. But it wasn't just that one evening that popped into my head, there were many times where BW and I had gone to visit AM and QC1 at their student house and ended up having a great time.
I recall sharing cigarettes and conversation with QC1 in the stairwell of the local student's union, parties in AM's flat and a few dalliances with friends of AM and QC1, even though I had the largest crush on QC1.
I presume these memories all popped into my head because of the specific night FBS came with us, which was a New Year's Eve, probably around this time. We'd have been on the bus on the way there.
Good times.
When I was last out with D, FBS etc. we were talking about a gig that D and I went to earlier in the year. It wasn't a genre of music that I usually like, but D had a spare ticket and I wanted to get out of the house more.
It also helped that the artist in question was an attractive woman with a great rack.
"Didn't think that was your thing," queried FBS.
"Attractive women with great racks? I'm all for it."
D pulled out his phone, did a search and showed FBS.
"I don't think that's a great rack," she mused.
I've stated plenty of times before that FBS has a great rack. Or she did when she was 21.
"Oh, it's great all right," confirmed D.
"Well, I disagree," sniffed FBS.
It seems to be that a memory or a blog post prompts other memories, these days. This time, it's FA2 and QC3. I think I've mentioned before that QC3 and I were attracted to each other. We both knew it, but we never acted upon it. I don't know that I ever regarded her as girlfriend material, but I did want to have sex with her. However, the timing was bad.
Around the time that our mutual attraction became apparent, QC3 was ready to move away, to Glasgow. One night, after a night out where I bumped into QC3 and her friend, I slept at QC1's, in her bed. Nothing happened between us that night, but shortly afterwards I think QC1 admitted to D that she wanted something to happen.
In the remaining time, maybe three or four weeks, while we saw plenty of each other, it was always in group company. We never thought of going on a date or going out without anyone else, I think we were each expecting the other to make the first move. On the eve of QC3 actually moving, we managed the grand total of one kiss, while we were out with D and he was at the bar or in the toilet.
I did visit her a few months later, we did share a bed, we were both naked and cuddling when I woke but I don't think we slept together. I returned home and we never spoke of it again.
About a month later, the thing with FA2 started and that was it.
QC3 lasted about a year in Glasgow, possibly slightly less, before she returned home by which time I was dating FA2. I'll be honest, I never really stopped wanting to fuck QC3 even when I was dating FA2, but I was dating FA2, so I never made any moves.
FA2 and QC3 saw each other a bit - I was still going for drinks with D etc. and QC3 was our friend. I think FA2 suspected something, she seemed more keen to get to know QC3 than anyone else. But I don't think she heard about our orbiting from anyone else. I had been upfront about fucking FBS, the night FA2 and FBS met each other.
But that's a long-winded story about QC3 who kick started my thing with pierced belly buttons. I'd seen it loads of times. She also had a ring of tattoos around her navel and a super flat stomach. She wore plenty of crop tops to show off her midriff long before any attraction between us. It wasn't just about that one time seeing her naked.
But I'd never admitted to FA2 that it was QC3 who started that appreciation, but I do wonder if FA2 got her belly button pierced because she thought (correctly) I wanted to fuck QC3, and QC3 had piercings and tattoos.
(I think I also was influential in FA2 getting a tattoo a few years later - I had always said that I wanted to get one done, but could never find a design that I liked. We had split up by that stage, though.)
