Thoughts.

It struck me as I posted yesterday about KfW2 that we've not seen nor spoken a lot to each other over the past few months.

We do message in work over the IM system, but KfW2 has weird ideas in work. Or at least, she's not consistent. Some days, she can be chatty, other days she'll say nothing, but it's mainly at her discretion. If she's chatty it's because she wants to be, not because I'm coaxing a conversation out of her. We did have a lunch date in July, but it seemed off. I think that was me, seeing as she had cancelled the lunch date several times because of work, when I think she could have refused to attend lunchtime meetings as she had already made plans. That would have been the truth, as well, not some kind of fib and completely acceptable.

I can't remember the last time I saw her kids, though she did make a point of saying that she didn't want to ask me to babysit any more as she felt guilty that we've not yet had our adult day or night out.

Accordingly to Facebook, she is doing more socialising with her daughter's friends' parents - both adult evenings and kid-friendly days out.

Maybe the friendship just has to move on?

Social talk

Our regular work night out is tonight, but I'm not there. I'm still recovering from an impromptu boozy afternoon with a couple of colleagues on Wednesday. Ideas Girl hasn't been in touch in a while, so I'd not be entirely surprised if tonight saw some drunken texts.

However, we do have a night out this time next week. It's a leaving bash, so I'm expecting it to be fun. KfW2 will be invited, though she has recently mentioned that she will be skint for a few months due to rising childcare costs, so I'm not expecting her to come out, even though the guy leaving and KfW2 are friends... or close colleagues at least. CC was quite withering about that admission around KfW2's finances. Quiet Girl could also get an invite and I think she might attend, at least for a bit.

Quiet Girl seems to have a good sense of humour, but I've not really spoken to her in a social setting. It'll be interesting to see if she lets her hair down if she comes out and has a drink.

Part of me wants KfW2 to come out, but part of me would rather we managed to arrange our adult night out, if she has to pick and choose.

Memories II

For the past few days, I've been thinking an awful lot about my time with FA2. I've no idea why it popped in to my head or has stubbornly stayed there, there are no recent anniversaries or particular memories from this time of year.

Memories

Today marks the 5th anniversary of the night that CH told me how awesome I was, how much she valued my friendship and other, really nice platitudes. It makes the falling out a few months later all the more saddening, and surprising.

If I recall correctly, she was also very tactile that night and, in full view of several co-workers, kissed me several times.

Sometimes I do miss talking to her, and I wonder where our friendship would have ended up.

Lookalikes.

Another girl who often pops up on Tinder is an attractive, petite brunette. She's always well turned out in the photos she chooses, and if she were older, I'd definitely be interested and chasing up Mr QC1 (they're friends on Facebook). As it is, I think she's just a little too young for me. At least I think she is. I can't actually remember what age she is.

That's just rambling on my part. I just wanted to post to say that she reminds me of actress Anna Kendrick - similar shape of face, style etc.

Swipey McSwipeface

As I may have suggested in previous posts, it's infrequent that someone really grabs my attention on any of the online dating apps or websites. CB is the prime example, of course, but there have been a couple of others. A drop in the ocean compared to the amount of women I've swiped, messaged or whatever else is done on online dating.

Today, one of these rare people popped up. I've seen her a few times on Tinder, and I've always swiped right or Super Liked though I still don't understand how the latter works).

I swiped right, but I meant to Super Like. Bearing in mind that I've done this a couple of times before with this particular person, I'm not expecting any results, but you never know...

I want to ride my bicycle.

For the first time in ages, I took my bike out for a spin yesterday. It's about five years old (at least), but if I've been on it more than a couple of dozen times, I'd be surprised. I didn't go far - roughly a 3.5 mile round trip - but I'm feeling it in my legs today.

Of course, burning an extra couple of hundred calories is always good... but not when you follow that up with going to your sisters and drinking beer all day in the sunshine. Oops!

Rock 'n' roll

It was a good day. I had a few days off work, and part of the reason was for an all-day gig in my hometown. it was the same gig that I first introduced FP to KfW2 many years ago and I was pleased about how well they got along together.

This year there was also the possibility of some introductions, again with FP and some work colleagues, though it didn't pan out that way.

I was also expecting to see Nerdy Girl - she was going to the gig too (though I was unable to pinpoint of she was an actual fan or just enjoying the day out) and I still haven't figured out if she has grander designs than friendship. While we ended up swapping text messages, our paths did not cross.

I had also assumed that we might stay out after the gig for a few drinks, but that never happened either. It's probably just as well... by the time I got back into the house, it was very late and I was shattered. It was the best night's sleep I've had in ages.

Another day off today, back in work tomorrow and a short week until the weekend rolls round again.

Pub Hunch

Nerdy Girl hugged me tightly when I was saying my goodbyes. It was leaving drinks for a few people from work, most of whom I didn't know, but Nerdy Girl had specifically asked me along, despite us not knowing each other particularly well or for too long.

"Can I get you to stay?" she asked.

I was a little confused. I'd barely seen her all evening as she'd been flitting from group to group. She was hammered too. I was more than tipsy myself, hence my leaving. It wasn't particularly early or late. I'd been out for about five hours, but I know when to call it a night and this was a good point.

"Nope! I'm horrendously drunk* and I need to go home"

* This was an exaggeration.

Still... I can't escape the feeling that Nerdy Girl was looking for something, despite the fact that she's shown no obvious indicators of interest, I just have this hunch based on very little.

Questions.

Today marks the tenth anniversary of my Facebook friendship with QC2. Obviously, the real anniversary is a different date, and much further in the past.

It must be about seven years since we last spoke/met. I must say that I'm a little disappointed how it fizzled out, but it's not like I miss her or anything. Actually, the last time I remember seeing her, I was out with KfW2, FP and their respective partners, basking in the glow of how well they got on. I got a drunken hug off QC2 (she's really not tactile) and we went our separate ways.

However, I am intrigued. When I browsed her Facebook page a while back (a couple of years), I got suspicious about a picture of her partner and a baby. QC2 was adamant she was never having kids and, seeing as she's older than I am by about a year, if it hadn't happened when we were in contact, I'd have thought it was too late. Sadly, QC2 has always been extremely private and never been that active on Facebook.

Had she actually had a baby? And at her age?

Mysteries.

Baby got back.

Years ago, in a conversation with USHW, I admitted a fondness for the female back. I don't know where it came from. The only other time I ever admitted anything about it was to A and she semi-teased me for ages about it. The first time I remember thinking about it in terms of a real-life turn-on was QC3's outfit at D's wedding. QC3 was, back in the day, slim and very toned - six-pack and everything.

I had, previously, loved stroking my partners' backs when we were cuddling and stuff, but it had never been a visual thing until QC3 that I can remember. And it was never anything I'd shared, except with A and then USHW.

And so I was surfing Bumble today (an online dating app like Tinder) and there was a photo of someone in my catchment area showing off an impressive back. Of course, I swiped right.

Catching up

Of course, we couldn't just go out without S inviting his "proper" friends along. He does it almost all the time. Most of his friends are OK, but there's one guy who's a selfish, arrogant asshat. But even so, inviting his mates out all the time can be tiresome. Last night, for example, was the first night I've seen S and GM in months. It would be nice to get out and have a proper catch up. It's difficult to get S to talk about anything with any substance at the best of times, but he clams up even more when he's out with his friends, even though he's quite open with them.

Still it was an enjoyable night, even if S's friend did end up calling the shots with regards to where we went. We managed to shepherd him toward our preferred bars.

We ended the night with cocktails and GM and I having a conversation about CH, about her unreliability and how my criticism of her ended our friendship. We didn't speak of the undeniable sexual tension that had existed between us. I'm convinced that no-one noticed apart from CH and me. If anyone had, they've never mentioned it.

According to Facebook this morning, I narrowly missed bumping into FBS in our starting bar and if we hadn't made a last-minute decision, at the end of the night, to go to a club instead of our original choice of bar, we'd have bumped into an ex-girlfriend of GM's... on her hen night.

Off and on.

I was meant to be out with FP tonight, but that's fallen by the wayside. We'll need to reschedule but neither of us is free for at least a week, and we're due to meet up for a prior arrangement anyway.

However, all is not lost. An out of the blue text from GM, and we're due to meet up later for a few drinks, along with S.

I've seen neither of these guys, properly socially, for months (cinema trips don't count). I'm looking forward to it.

Also, KfW2 was in touch. She's off out again for another night out. I think she sensed my disappointment (any night out she has without me means our own night out is even further away as she can't afford to do a lot of socialising plus she has called in favours for babysitting) and tried to downplay it by saying she didn't really want to go nor could she afford it.

I understand the obligations... that doesn't mean I can't be disappointed.

Just stuff.

I logged on to my work laptop tonight, not to do any work, but to get the details for my fantasy football team. We're having a bit of a competition in work, and I wanted to do a bit of tweaking.

My email app was still running from earlier and I had an email that I had been given an award for recent efforts (I believe that I have previously posted about it... well complained mostly about not being given the credit). I was nominated by Stalky Guy.

This is good as it will be used to justify the promotion that I believe I'm pencilled in for come September. It could also mean more - perhaps a bonus payment or even a foreign trip away, but that's going to be unknown until around the end of the year.

It has cheered me up though and I'm sitting with a daft smile on my face.

Woah (sad face)

When USHW and I communicated regularly, we would often ask questions out of leftfield. Some would be simply fun - "What super power would you like and why?", some might be a little more personal "Would you sleep with CH if given the chance?" and some were somewhere in the middle "Would you date someone who worked in the sex industry?"

I answered that last question that I'd not rule anything out, but I would have concerns. Maybe surprisingly, but the concerns that I would have would be around the girl's mental health. It's no surprise that a lot of girls who end up in the sex industry have mental health issues.

I have long enjoyed the work of Jenni Lee for a number of reasons and I knew that she had dropped out of the industry a few years ago, though had gone independent as far as I knew instead of working for the big studios.

And then this popped up while I was navigating around the internet:

Living homeless (she has kids that she's estranged from) with a drug habit. It's truly heartbreaking, even with her apparent positive attitude to her circumstances.

Oooooh!

Over the past weekend, in a fit of nostalgia, I was watching one of The Rock's first films, Walking Tall.

Nostalgia because it reminded me of working abroad, meeting some people who would become friends and V.

One night, instead of hitting a bar, we congregated in one of the guy's apartments, hired a couple of films, bought in a lot of beer and snacks and just had a good time.

One of those films was Walking Tall, and we all had a good laugh while watching it.

On repeat viewing, it's not as bad as I remember and had the added bonus of having The Fit One From "How I Met Your Mother" aka Cobie Smulders in it, albeit for a few seconds.

Something to ponder.

I hope I am wrong, but I have a gut feeling that perhaps Nerdy Girl is viewing me as more than a friend. She'd neither said nor done anything obvious to make me feel this way, and she appears to be a very personable girl, but there's this little nagging feeling that things might change... especially as she's leaving the company soon and I was one of the first people she asked to her leaving do (i.e. a piss up in the pub).

I don't know her very well nor have I known her for long, so I could be completely mis-reading the entire thing.

Down and out.

It seems like ages since I last saw or spoke to KfW2 at any length. The last time I remember seeing her was a few weeks ago, when she took me for lunch, and that felt flat. Before that, it must have been June due to various working patterns, our own annual leave etc.

She's off on her spa day today with a friend and she's not in work until next week.

We've swapped text messages and stuff, but we've not had a proper conversation in... I can't remember.

That saddens me. KfW2 is one of my very closest friends and it frustrates me that I am still having conversations with her about a grown up day out. Meanwhile, in the past month or so alone, she's had a spa day, at least two nights out with other friends and our own social engagements (i.e. the lunch) were postponed a few times, by KfW2.

It kinda reminds me of the criticism that I levelled at CH, about her reliability and the fact that everything was done to her wishes/timetable etc. It's the same currently with KfW2, though it was this criticism and CH's inability/desire to take it on board that led to our friendship ending. I don't want that to happen with KfW2.

Too many thoughts.

The more I read about Brexit, the more scared I become. The reports I'm reading from reputable sources, are not painting an optimistic picture.

There are warnings around things that are perishable and that we rely on from outside the UK, specifically food and medicine. The reports are warning of food shortages, food prices rising by at least 10%, especially around fruit and vegetables, drugs and other treatments being unavailable.

Our own industries are fucked. Agriculture is in trouble, even with a deal. Manufacturing is in trouble. There's not a lot of optimism around a great deal of sectors.

The economy is going to tank. Today the pound is at a low point against the dollar, and it's performed poorly since June 2016.

I'm really scared about a No deal Brexit. It's going to annihilate the UK for years. Even a Deal might not be the optimal outcome. The only way to successfully move forward is to Remain, stay inside the EU and provoke change from within.

Christ.

Update.

An update of sorts... IG confessed to me today that the thing she had on Saturday night that she wanted to avoid was a family thing.

I mean... what?

She wanted to meet me. I don't know what angle she was going to take if we did meet - did she want sex? Or was she being literal in wanting a drink and a chat? But even so... instead of a family thing?

Weird.

Boxes.

A random message on Facebook from Ideas Girl led to a brief conversation. It ended with IG asking me to get in touch if my plans tonight don't pan out, that we could grab a drink. She's a thing on tonight, but wants to avoid it. I appear to be her backup plan.

That's not going to happen, of course.

I think any chance we had of becoming friends pretty much ended when she turned drunk-nasty a few times when I've rejected her advances.

Plus, well, I've rejected her advances at least two or three times.

She keeps saying that we're friends, but in my head, we're not. We're people who know each other. But I've often found that I categorise my relationships with other people quite strictly.

I remember in my last job, before I joined my current company, my then-manager sat me in a corner to tell me my contract wasn't being renewed. It wasn't anything personal, we'd still be friends.

Friends? I barely knew the man, had only worked with him for about six months on a temporary contract. It's only now that I look at KfW2's husband as my friend, rather than the husband of my friend, if that makes sense. That's taken nearly ten years.

So... me and IG. Well, we won't be meeting for drinks and it'll take a miracle for our current status to change into friendship or anything else.

Chill out

In a one on one meeting with my boss a few days ago he mentioned that he thinks I've been more open, more relaxed over the past few months.

You know, it's probably true. Things have been decent enough in work recently and there are real signs that my peers are recognising my input in ways that my boss can see. My boss himself has implied (or let slip) that a promotion is coming my way in the next few months - September or October.

Also, one of my co-workers has been out for the past two months. He can be difficult and while I don't actively dislike him, I think his absence has been calming. He's an angry, semi-aggressive, rude/brusque person, so having him about raises the tension levels. Or at least I believe that it does.

There's also the fact that, completely unbeknownst to my boss, I've been formulating some plans for the future of the team with some other people. A future that would be interesting, definitely help with any promotion chances (if the next few months don't come to pass as expected) and get me away from Stalky Guy and Brusque Guy.

I can't say that it's definitely one or the other. I'd suggest a combination of both definitely with an emphasis on the former - the knowledge of a promotion would definitely help, so does the thought of a change of scenery, a break up of the two favourites etc.

Of course, there are other changes afoot that no-one else knows about.

Home.

Today marks the eighth anniversary of moving into a quite spectacular city centre apartment with stunning views. You know, the kind you often see on young adult comedies. We managed to get a great deal on the place and while it wasn't perfect (some of the walls between apartments were terribly thin), the positives outweighed the negatives.

In fact I got the keys around this time and spent the entire afternoon moving and unpacking.

This was the place where one of ES's previous boyfriends had lived (hence us having slept in the same bed, albeit a few years apart). It was also the place where I met Attractive Neighbour, and where R2 had lived in an adjacent unit previously.

In a conversation with AN a year or so ago, we both admitted that we didn't get to meet our neighbours as much as we would have liked. Our expectations of apartment living, in that regard, didn't get met.

Obviously, I had to live with MfW2, UF, Heating Guy and TV Guy which posed problems (and I'm still disappointed that the Scottish doctor turned us down which led to Heating Guy moving in. But all-in-all I loved the place, if not the people I shared with.