What now?

OK, so with the new year just around the corner, what am I going to do?

I've already decided to go back to the gym. I gave it up because I was playing a lot of football, but I seem to be prone to injury at footy, which never happened in 18 months at the gym, so I'll go back there. I won't be taking up GC as a personal trainer though. I think I'm now experienced enough in the gym to know my way around and paying for the privilege of staring at GC's (fake?) tits, flat tummy and nice arse is beyond even what I will do!

I think I've also pretty much decided to join a dating website, at least for a month, to see what's out there. It's not a huge amount of money and the one I've looked at over the past few days does seem to offer a couple of potentially interesting women, but still the list of potentials is woefully small. I'm not comfortable doing it, for a couple of reasons: firstly there's still the stigma of using them. It shouldn't be a big factor because I know a couple of people that have used them to good effect. Secondly, I'm just annoyed that my social life is so crap that I can't meet people through normal channels (though I suppose there is a better chance of meeting someone through a dating site than simply turning up to the pub of an evening).

My promotion kicks in at the start of next week which should mean that I've got a little bit more money to spend on myself (and save!) I think that should broaden my possibilities for next year, too.

The previous entry, about comments, provoked a response from USHW who is of the same mind and, like me, is considering jacking in the blogging. I don't do the blogging purely for the comments, but I did have half a mind that I'd get to meet a few people and swap stories and the like. Ah well.

Comments

People should comment more on blogs, I think. That's because I'm selfish. I want comments on babyneeds, but I think I've had about six in the entire time this blog has been 'live', not including three spam comments. I've made comments on quite a few blogs, though I don't leave return URLs because I don't believe in that kind of reciprocal thing. It should be a "pay it forward" thing. If people comment on your blog, go forth and leave comments elsewhere. It's good for the blogosphere and somewhere down the line, your commenting will be returned to you in kind.

That's the theory at least.

The Xmas Haul.

Ah... weeks of planning and frustration and worry* and it's all over. Not a bad haul for me this year - most of the stuff I like such as booze, money and tokens. I'm actually looking forward to getting out and spending the dosh and token this year. I could do with a new pair of jeans and a couple of new t-shirts and perhaps a shirt or two. No Jessica Alba in my stocking though... damn you Santa! *shakes fist*

*There wasn't really any worry or frustration. I don't think enough of Xmas to let it get to me.

Ooooh.

I got an Xmas card from USHW. Yay!

Xmas bash

Our Xmas bash has been a topic of conversation around the office for quite a while now. The guys and myself have been very vocal about the amount of money being spent on superfluous entertainment rather than putting it towards the food or a more popular form of entertainment such as the band or the DJ.

Anyway, the Xmas bash turned out to be OK. The superfluous entertainment was complete pants (as expected) and though I had a good time, it wasn't as good as I suppose it could have been, and was mainly due to having a laugh with my co-workers rather than any of the organisation.

On a more personal note, I was hoping that I might actually make some contact with Pretty Blonde, even if it was just to say "hi". I had a feeling that it would happen at the Xmas bash. to be honest, it's been on the cards for a while now, I think. I've no doubt that she's seen me about at our monthly things enough to recognise me. We do keep catching each other's eye, which is surely a good sign. Surprisingly though, I never did make contact. I saw her once, near the start of the night and then nothing after that. I have a sneaking suspicion that she left early...

Maybe next time.

New phone!

Yay! I got through to O2 last week and negotiated a new contract which means I get a tenner off my monthly bill and a Sony Ericsson K800i (which I had to pay for), though I'm still going to save around £60 this year.

New gadgets are great!

F*cking computers!

OK, I'm back after what seems like an eternity, but in reality was only about four days. I finally traced the problem to my wireless network card, but not until I bought a new wireless router and USB dongle.

I was going to buy one anyway after Xmas because my other one was well over two years old and the signal strength from the router to my PC got extremely bad at night (only at night for some reason). The new one has better range and a stronger signal, so yay!

A quickie!

My internet connection has been playing silly buggers all day. It's taken me hours to accomplish the smallest of tasks and I really meant to post here earlier. As such, it's late and I'm tired so won't get into anything too lengthy.

Here's a brief overview with fuller details to follow later, probably tomorrow.

It's been a busy few days. Work's winding down as I'm moving into a new position at the start of next year (with a small chance of some travel). It was our Xmas bash last night, which I thought was underwhelming, but wasn't a bad night or the disaster that I had predicted. I got my year end appraisal which means that I know what my pay rise is going to be next year and my Xmas shopping is all but done.

USHW did make some guesses as to "the point" (see a few posts ago), but never mentioned anything in public. I may expand on this over the Xmas period, but will wait to see if she's going to offer up any of her guesses.

That time of year again.

So, I was out with my old work buddies last night. It's kind of a traditional thing that we get together every Christmas for a load of beers. Last night was no exception. Usually, it's just the guys, but last night FBS also showed up. FBS and I have a little bit of history. Over ten years ago, there were a few months where we did a bit of fooling around. I thought it was completely casual and never made any secret that I liked the fact it was casual, but eventually, FBS made it clear that she wanted something more. I couldn't do that. It was a lust thing for me and nothing more, though she is really nice, there was no romantic spark from my end. Physically, yeah - tall, curves, tattoos,  a variety of short, but funky hairstyles. That's it, though. Friends with benefits.

Being the private person that I am, I never mentioned anything about our dalliances to any of my co-workers, though some of them were quite friendly with FBS. Word did leak out though. I guess FBS mentioned something, though I was unaware and denied it all. That wasn't done intentionally to hurt FBS, it was just a privacy thing and I wanted to avoid office gossip. Anyway, my co-workers have since made a point of taking the piss about my privacy, especially where FBS is/was concerned.

I left that workplace probably about eight years ago but popped in to visit every now and again (and I was still in contact with a few people on a more regular basis) and was told on one visit that FBS was still very much into me. I never pursued anything there, though, then FA2 came along.

Anyway, after all that background, I did detect some signals that FBS was still interested in me. I've noticed them infrequently when we've been out. They weren't major, obvious signals, but signals nonetheless. Being more tactile than usual etc. Given the week I've had, I'd have taken the opportunity had it been offered. That was never going to happen though because FBS's boyfriend was also out with us.

It was a good night, though. They always are with that crowd of people. It's a shame that QC3 didn't show up, as she was also part of that crowd, and she was always very easy on the eye and one of the sexiest people I've ever met. I suppose having a family is really time-consuming at this time of year, not to mention the financial aspect, too.

Frustration

This has been a *ahem* frustrating week. I'm not sure what exactly has provoked it, but I've been thinking about sex pretty much constantly. I think it's down to two main reasons. First, it's a crap time of the year to be single. It doesn't bother me that often that I'm single, but I usually get pissed off around this time of the year if I am single. Second, I think the flirting with USHW made me think about getting a shag (oh, and as for "the point" mentioned below, it never reached there, USHW is wondering what it is, but hasn't made any guesses yet).

For the past few nights, I've been having some incredibly erotic dreams about GC. I've no idea why. She is attractive and all that but, as I've no doubt mentioned before, she's not really my type and we have absolutely nothing in common as far as I can tell. I'm sure I'm analysing them too much, as usual. They were very enjoyable (but frustrating) though!

*sigh*

I'm knackered. I spent all day trying to get through to O2, my mobile phone supplier, only to get knocked back with the choice of phone they were offering. Now, I've just spent another few hours hunting down mobile tariffs and it's sapped all the energy from me. *sigh*

Bloody mobile phone companies!

I'm in the hunt for a new phone. The new-ish Sony Ericsson K800i looks quite nice and with the built in camera, is just the thing I'm looking for. However, if I want to upgrade to it, I'm being told I have to pay £140. Fuck that for a game of soldiers. On an additional note, to"upgrade" to my current phone, I'd have to pay £80! That's just taking the mickey completely. *growl*

*ahem*

Flirting with USHW continues unabashed.

Still not a good idea.

Still good fun.

There's a point that this conversation of ours could get to. I'm not sure if/when that will be because I am keeping it at bay, but it'll be interesting nonetheless to see what happens if we get to that point.

Oops!

I meant to add to my last post that I want Helen Barker to win.

She's lovely.

My taste in women... continued.

Remember, ages ago, I mentioned FHM's latest "High Street Honeys" competition? No? Well, it's here. At the time, I was questioning whether I had weird tastes, because my tastes never seemed to match anyone else's. However, I have been slightly surprised by the ten finalists where eight of my 'green' list have made it through!

Here's the final ten, with members of my green list highlighted in bold:

FHM# Name
03 Charlie Taylor
07 Susie Allman
21 Charlotte Wood
24 Helen Barker
35 Jodie Grant
54 Charlotte McKenna
75 Megan Thomas
80 Becky Hayes
82 Kylie Shelton
96 Jodie Penman

Giggity giggity goo.

Quagmire: Hey there sweetie, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18? You're first.
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I like where this is goin'! Giggidy, giggidy, gig-gi-dy!

C'mon. I'm watching porn, is there anything more appropriate than a Glen Quagmire quote?

*howl*

Hopefully, if all goes well, I shall be handing in my last piece of work in my current role at work. I'll then spend three weeks pottering around, tidying up a few loose ends etc. before taking a well earned break at Christmas and returning to a new job (and hopefully pay rise) in January.

I'm not sure I'm entirely ready to move on, but given the antics on work over the past three weeks, I am (at this moment in time certainly) glad to see the back of this last project.

I think this is one of those weeks where I'll do the lottery. It always generates a bit of interest and provides a few hours of false hope (before I win fuck all as usual!)

Flirting

Hmmm... over the past week or so, USHW and I have indulged in a little flirting online. It's great fun, of course, but given what happened last year, I have to question how sensible that is.

I'm probably worrying over nothing...

... and it is bloody good fun.

And so the story continues...

Another work's bash the other night which, as usual, was great fun. Pretty Blonde was there too, though I didn't see much of her, I did manage to catch her eye a few times at the start of the night, but she disappeared from view for a while. I've already said that I'd never do any real approaching at a work's bash and that point of view still stands, but I do keep an eye out for an opportunity to make contact e.g. be at the bar at the same time to at least say "hi". That'd make life so much easier if I ever saw her outside of work.

Entering self pity mode...

Following on from my last post about a massage, I suppose it's only right to explain why I've been tense recently. There's nothing particularly serious going on, but lots of little, silly things are all happening at once, adding up.

E's finally left the country after what seems to be the longest saga in the world. Nearly two years after making the decision to leave, everything finally fell into place for her and she's gone. I've even had an email from her already and she has arrived safely. We went out a few weeks ago (see the post here) and I was quite disappointed about how things were left, so tried to get to see her again. She volunteered to go out for a drink for an hour or so the night before she left to catch up/say goodbye. That would have been great, except she called an hour or so before we were due to meet as she was having a packing crisis (her pre-packed bags were over weight and would require re-packing) and had to cancel. Despite the fact we'll be in touch fairly regularly, it was still an unsatisfactory way to end things.

Work's been a pain in the arse completely. I've been training some Indian people who work for a company that's contracted the work that we currently do from our parent company, meaning the end of our department at work. It's no real big thing, job-wise as we'll be found new positions internally, and some of us will even get promoted as a result, so that's not too stressful, but we get along really well and it'd be sad to see the group split up. Dealing with the Indians directly – a girl and a boy isn't even that bad as they seem to be nice enough people, though they are taking up a lot of time and I still have my own work to do. What is annoying is that their boss is a fucktard that continues to make huge demands on my time as if he has a right to do so. My boss, thankfully, is on my side and we battle this guy constantly which is stress I don't need. Additionally, with taking this time to deal with the Indians and their boss, my own work is suffering. After a flawless record over the past two years at my current position, I made my first error last week, which was exacerbated by other mistakes happening at the same time. The whole sorry mess isn't my fault, but it all came at the wrong time and I attribute to the fact that I've felt like I've been pulled in four different ways at once over the past three weeks. I don't usually get stressed out, but the last three weeks have been hard. My boss is off at the moment, so I'm not sure if he's aware of the situation. It'll be interesting to see what he says when he comes back.

I think as well, I've rolled into one of those moods where I'm fed up of being single. I've looked at the online dating sites with a view to joining for a month or so, but it just depresses me. I've had a look at the people on the sites in my area and there's nothing really there that jumps out and would demand I joined up to make contact. I've always been useless at approaching girls the normal way in the bar etc. and I'm still unsure about the Pretty Blonde from work. I didn't see her at the last work's bash and I'm not sure if I'm going to the next one this month. I've not been out a lot recently, so getting to meet single people is not something that's regular. Maybe I will go to the work's thing after all just to get out and socialise a bit.

A craving.

You know how you can sometimes get a craving for chocolate or a really cold beer? This week, I've been craving a back massage. It's been ages since I last had one.

I've been feeling tense up the spine recently, especially between the shoulder blades and I'd really love a back massage followed by a long hot soak in a bath (we don't have a bath at home). That would be bliss! Jessica Alba's company would be an added bonus, but is not necessary.

I feel weird posting this.

There’s something that’s been bothering me lately, but I’m not sure about venting because I do feel kinda guilty/immature that it’s even an issue. I might as well vent though. My nephew is just over two years old and he’s adorable. I love him to bits and he seems to adore me. However, seeing as I still (sadly) still live with my parents, who do a lot of babysitting, there are problems that arise. Firstly, my parents are very self-centric. While the house is theirs, they don’t seem to be able to grasp some basic fundamental manners, specifically with keeping doors closed. This might sound like a peculiar rant, but as I live in a converted attic, I have no door to my room, only an open staircase. I’m aware of everything that goes on in the house because the noises travel up the stairwell. My parents are getting on and are going slightly deaf, as you might expect, but the increase in volume around the house (television, phone calls, raised conversations etc) isn’t helped by the tendency not to close any doors in the house. The dishwasher is put on last thing at night, but the kitchen door is not closed, so the sound travels throughout the house. In the morning, when the dishwasher is unloaded, the same thing applies because the door isn’t closed so there’s a clattering of plates and cutlery being taken out of the dishwasher and put into the drawers and cupboard.

What does that kind of thing have to do with my nephew? Well, I’ve raised the subject of the doors and sound with the parents before, but it’s continually an issue. Get the nephew into the house, though, and all of a sudden doors are closed, voices are lowered and efforts are made to accommodate another person in the house when he's having his nap or if he's staying over.

Additionally, the door thing is an issue when it comes to smells. For some reason, my mother starts cooking our dinner at 8 am. There’s nothing more sickening than being awoken to the smell (and noise) of frying meat or some kind of curry/pasta sauce. The smell gets everywhere. My father has a hard time remembering to close the door to the bathroom after use, but enough about that. Ew.

It’s. Really. Fucking. Annoying.

I can’t wait until I finally get enough cash together to buy my own place.

How do girls think?

E and I went out again last night. It was a fun night and I handed over the present I bought her (some nice white gold jewellery). I think it’s the last time I see her before she leaves, but it wasn’t treated as such, at least by her. I know I’ve mentioned in the past that she’s not particularly tactile, but at the very least I was expecting a hug or something…

Not from E, though. I left her in the taxi as I was dropped off at my place and she continued on her way to hers.

Weird.

Arse.

Friday night was the monthly work's bash. It was, reather predicably, Halloween themed, but was still a very good night out. Better than the usual ones, if I'm being honest. However, this night was supposed to be interesting for a different reason as I had planned to try and make a better effort in seeing if Pretty Blonde was interested. I wasn't necessarily going to make any move (I've made my thoughts on pulling at work's bashes quite clear), but at least test the waters if possible.

Sod's Law: she wasn't there.

"Yes. Considerably"

I'm a sucker for James Bond and was really looking forward to the new one.

Then I saw the trailer at this site: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/casinoroyale/site/ (or you can get it at the Apple website for your iPod).

Now, I'm far too impatient to wait the three-odd weeks until it is released.

?

Friday night was a weird night. I was out with E and we were having a good night. I was going to bring up the subject of her behaviour over the last couple of nights, but decided not to after we had a chat about various related matters. E admitted that the night of the BBQ, where I was pissed that she seemed to be trying to leave me behind at her friend’s house, she was actually trying to do a little match-making between me and her friend. In another piece of the conversation, E admitted that her feelings for the new bloke were very strong, perhaps stronger than she’d experienced before. Despite the fact that E considers us to be close, this is not the sort of thing she usually shares. I decided not to give her a hard time about it as she’s only going to be around for approximately another three weeks.

From the same night, whilst in the pub, we were seated beside a group of four women. I’d say they were probably around their mid-twenties. We got talking to them later in the evening and one of them asked outright if E and I were a couple. When we replied in the negative, there was lots of coo-ing and “but you look so comfortable together” and “you two should consider dating” and all that kind of jazz. It was kind of amusing, but also a bit weird and it never let up until the girls left the pub at closing time. I’d never considered how E and I appear to other people and I’ve always been wary about giving myself away during those times where I’m not entirely sure my relationship with E is platonic. Ah well, it was a fun night.

The whole E thang.

I was reminded this morning that I haven't explained the E/bloke situation terribly well, if at all. Well, it's like this. A few months ago, E met a bloke she worked with in a bar. They met "accidentally". Actually, from putting the pieces together, he knew where E was going to be and turned up. They ended up getting off with each other and over the next while, started doing stupid things like meeting up for a snog and a grope during work. The reason they do this is not because they're both fifteen, but because he's still in a relationship… a relationship with a live-in partner and two children. That also explains why he's sneaking around, collecting E from the pub at closing time on a Tuesday night and why she's being a bit crap. While I wouldn't criticise her behaviour in dating someone already in a relationship (after all, I've posted often enough about fucking USHW, so it would be a little hypocritical), I do still think badly of her behaviour because of the skulking around. Does this make any sense to anyone apart from me? I do think it's a little hypocritical of E, though. A few years ago, I was telling her about my friend, F. I don't know if I've mentioned anything before, but F used to fool around on her partner a bit. When I mentioned some of F's antics to E, she was most disapproving about the cheating aspect. Apparently, it's OK for E to be the second woman because the bloke isn't happy in the relationship and is only remaining for the kids. At least, that's what E told me. I'm not sure E's "explananation" justifies the behaviour, but I've found that women can get very illogical when there's a bloke involved.

As of today, this "relationship" is probably about three months old. Having spoken to E's friend recently, I think she might be a little concerned about E. E's friend asks for my opinion on E and this bloke a lot given the small amount of time we've chatted. Why she would do so is a mystery unless E's been talking me up as someone she feels close to, which seems weird given the weirdness (i.e. varying levels of closeness) of our relationship. Anyway, getting back to this, E's friend is convinced that she's in love with this bloke, but she doesn't seem convinced that it's reciprocated. I'm not sure that E's friend likes the bloke that much, though is unwilling to say anything to E. I think that's a good move under the circumstances. If E's friend's suspicions are true, it would be tough for her to find out when she leaves the country next month, so I hope it's not the case. She does feel enough about him to tell her Dad the entire story, which is pretty unnecessary if it's only going to last another month at the most.

It's confusing. I still have to sort out my annoyance at E's behaviour the last two times I've seen her, so I think I'll try and organise something for next week or next weekend and have a chat with her.

A cautionary note.

I spoke to a few friends recently about Pretty Blonde and they were very encouraging about making a move if I see her out and about. I do have quite a good feeling about this, which is most unlike me.

However, I think that means I'll have to be careful. I think that, more than once, I've talked myself into liking someone and I've got to be careful this doesn't happen again. There's also the fact that I'm going through one of those periods where I'm not really that happy with being single, so that can also add potential problems.

The one with no title

Another work's bash last night. Turned up for a quiet drink, went home at 11pm absolutely toasted. Regretting it this morning apart from the fact that I was getting appreciative glances from Pretty Blonde. This annoys me. I refuse to go on the pull at a work's bash. I try not to date people from work unless they're in a completely different department to me (I've 'dated' someone from work before and it's not worth the hassle in my opinion). If I see her out and about in a non-work environment, I'll probably test the waters, but not in work or at a work-related event.

f*ck

So, E and I arranged to hit a comedy club last night. It was all her idea, really. I'd suggested heading out at the weekend, but she was busy and suggested this instead. We usually end up pretty toasted on these nights out at the comedy club, and I wasn't expecting this to be any different, so had planned to head out for another hour or so after the club ended and really make a good night of it.

However, right from the very beginning, E made it clear that she was going home as soon as the comedy night ended. The reason? Her bloke was able to sneak out of the house (it's complicated, I'll leave the full story for another time) for a few hours and he was going to give her a lift home so that they could spend some time together. We grabbed some dinner before hitting the comedy club, and to be honest, the rest of the evening after that could have been spent with anyone. E spent a large proportion of the night texting the boyf and while I had a good time at the comedy night, it's not that E's presence made the night any different and her rush to leave at closing time was annoying, rude and frustrating. Now, I know that my feelings for E are uncertain but I don't think that they play any part in how pissed I am at her because of this.

If she wanted to see the boyf, then spend a night with the boyf. Don't go out with someone else and then blow them out when someone else becomes available. This is a trait I've noticed in a few female friends (and girlfriends) in the past and I've always told them how annoying it is. Girls that I've known seem to have this habit of blowing off anyone as soon as there's a sniff of a relationship in the air. I've even had words with old girlfriends about getting out and seeing their mates, but it's something they don't really "get". The thing is, E's done something like this before when she invited me to hers for a BBQ (Hangover City) so it's not new, but it is recent behaviour that I've never seen in E before. I've only met the boyf twice now - once during the BBQ night and once last night (for 5 minutes as I got a lift home), so I'm not really sure about him as yet. They say first impressions are usually correct, and my first impression of him is unfavourable, though I really can't put my finger on why.

This is on the back of having her friend call me last week to arrange a surprise party at the end of next month for E going away to NZ, and I had a really good conversation with E's friend about a few things. With the mood I'm currently in, I really don't have the inclination to show up, though.

noTitle.

*sigh*

That is all. I may post more tomorrow, but I'm kinda pissed off at the moment.

Just how bored am I?

I've always been told I was a picky man when it came to women. I apparently had very high standards in the women I found attractive. I'd always just assumed people were correct, but this evening, in a fit of boredom and because someone had handed me this month's FHM UK 'High Street Honeys' supplement and I had a quick browse through. 

So, I decided to see if I was picky. How many girls did I immediately find attractive, how many were people I was unsure about and how many simply didn't do anything for me? To be honest, I wasn't sure.

My experiences with the kind of people that the average FHM reader seems to like would indicate that my 'green' list of immediate cuties would be small compared to the 'orange' and 'red' lists. So, off I went with pen in hand (actually, a spreadsheet) to see who went in which category and what the totals were... You know what? I think I was surprised by the result. 

Green: 27

Orange: 34

Red: 39 

I don't think that's too bad at all for a quick ten minute browse through all 100 shortlisted girls. I wonder how many will get through to the final ten?

Alcohol induced dream.

I was at a mate's house on Friday night. I don't see him very often, but when we get together, much alcohol flows and the nights are late. This time was no exception to that rule and we eventually called it a night at around 3am after hitting the bottle at about 6pm.

I was woken at 6am by my friend's son running around the house shouting and whooping. I rolled over and tried to get back to sleep. I had a weird, but quite vivid dream that involved me, PD and F.

I'm not sure how it started, but I do remember PD and I were in bed together. I went down on her which she enjoyed and there seemed to be a large passage of time between me going down and finishing (night became day become night again). When I did finally stop and come up for air, it was no longer PD, but F that was lying in bed with me.

I know that some people think that dreams are just the unconcious mind sorting itself out and trying to make sense of things, but I've no idea what the hell's going on with this one. While I've yet to decide about where any potential relationship with PD would go (potential date? just a friend?) and the thought of sleeping with her is not unpleasant, I've never harboured any thoughts at all about sleeping with F who's a dear friend of mine.

So what does it all mean? Do any of the people involved have any meaning? The large passage of time? The fact that sex was involved? Maybe it means nothing and I'm over-analysing it all.

Things to do...

OK, in light of the announcement in work at the weekend, here are some things I'm going to do this weekend (or try to do):

• Have another look at my finances and get a better saving system in place
• Get my CV up to date (shouldn't be too hard, I updated it last month)
• Register/browse all the IT job websites I can find

It's not a lot, but that means I should get it done. Not now, though cos I have to go to the sports shop as I've started playing footy in work twice a week and need some sportswear. If I can keep this up AND still make the gym at least once a week, I should be in better shape before too long.

Grrrr

Well... I had a meeting with my boss today who gave me a heads up on the supposed pay rise we were meant to be getting that was announced months ago. Despite the fact that everything is supposedly in place for the pay rise to go ahead, they're going to postpone it until January at the earliest (but it could be as late as March).

I was kinda waiting on that announcement before I made decisions about whether or not I was going to look for another job. I think I will keep my eyes open, but I don't think I'll go all-out job hunting. I'm sure there'll be some updates to it over the next few days as the employees get their feedback.

I'm kinda fucked off right now.

Introspective II

Contemplation time again. After spending a lot of cash over the past few months, it's time to re-evaluate my spending and saving. That's something I'm going to have to do over the next few weeks because I really should be saving a lot more than I currently am plus there are a few things I want to do over the next few months, including visiting a few friends (which are never cheap weekends).

I'm also getting close to E leaving permanently and while there are no firm dates that I'm aware of yet, it's likely to be within six weeks. I've no doubt there'll be at least one big night out on the lash and I keep meaning to buy her a present before she goes, too.

As far as everything else is concerned, I think the next few months are going to be fairly important. I'm awaiting the outcome of a decision on a company-wide pay rise that could ultimately decide whether I stay where I am (happy, but seriously under-paid in the market) or move on (and earn at least the market rate – a substantial jump in salary). I've also been meaning to contact PD again to try and arrange a night out. I know that I called it quits with PD a few months ago, but we swapped a few emails at the start of the summer and on the back of that, I think I'll give her one more chance. If we can't agree a definite time to grab a coffee or a drink, then I'll call it quits once again, but for some reason I'm feeling fairly upbeat about it. I've no idea why. There have been no indications that this will be any different, but we'll see what happens.

Money and friends and work.

It's been over a week since my last post. I've been quite busy during that time and will be for at least the next week, so I'm not sure I'll get a chance to post about things in detail.

As a brief recap of what's going on in my life, here it is:

Work's going fairly well. My current project is frustrating because work keeps getting added to it and changed (which is the source of the frustration), but things should still be handed in on time at the end of the week.

I'm just back from visiting a few mates for a long weekend. It was expensive, but great fun, and it's always good to catch up with friends.

The money thing's playing on my mind a little. I spent far too much this month and had to dip into my meagre savings to be able to afford the short trip away. I was also kinda hoping to buy a new iPod next month as my old one has died and I've really gotten used to having an mp3 player for work and going to the gym (my gym attendance has dropped to zero since my last one died), so I'm going to have to think long and hard about whether I can justify spending the cash (I could afford it, but can I justify it? The thing is, I probably can.) At the same time, I'm meant to be saving money to clear my credit cards and build up a deposit for a house. I am clearing the CC debt a bit, but not as fast as I should, but I've done nothing about the house deposit apart from stashing my bonus from last year (and just spent half of it at the weekend). This is going to require sitting down and re-evaluating my spending and saving habits.

Confession.

So, what is USHW's confession?

Another work's night out.

So here we are at some ungodly time of the morning. I woke up about half an hour ago and can't get back to sleep. I'll post this and see if I can't grab some kip.

Last night was a bit weird. Yet another work's do. On the plus side, Lickable Girl was there, despite the fact she's left our company and looking (in my opinion, though it seems to be a minority) mighty fine. Sadly, I didn't get a chance to talk to her – she spent all night (well, the few hours she was there) talking to her ex-colleagues. It was still nice to see her, though.

Pretty Blonde. Remember her from last month? Well, she was spotted too, but showing absolutely no interest at all in me, so I probably imagined whatever it was I saw at last month's thing. Shame… she is kinda cute and has a nice ass.

So our team went out for a few beers, but despite a few of us turning up early, we got fragmented again. It happens with our team all the time. It didn't really bother me until last night, but one of the guys was concerned and wanted to know why. It appears that half the team takes itself off because of a perception that I don't like one of the newer team members. I'm not entirely sure that it's an accurate perception, but it would be right to say that this new team member is, well, frustrating.

I'm sure he's a decent enough chap, but I find myself not wanting to talk to him because he has a habit of interrupting. If someone in the team asks me for advice or help, he interrupts when I'm about to speak. If I'm having a conversation with someone across the desk, he interrupts from twenty feet away. If he asks me to explain something to him, he interrupts me to repeat what I said in the previous sentence. I find this incredibly rude and off-putting when trying to talk to someone and so I try to limit the conversations I have with him. I'm sure he does this with other people, but I'm probably the only person who has distanced himself from the guy because of it.

I don't think it's enough to make half the team piss off and do their own thing on a night out, is it?

USHW

... and I've just noticed that USHW was online last night and I completely didn't see her. I just came in and shut down the PC and trundled off to bed.

Pity. I wanted to know what other questions she'd been expecting me to ask.

Hangover city.

I rolled in last night at some time... don't know what time. Probably half-past midnight or thereabouts, and I meant to blog this, but it's perhaps better that I didn't - alcohol and a foul mood are not good ingredients for a rational blog post.

E invited me down to hers yesterday for a BBQ. She shares a house with a friend of hers from school and it's the first time I've really met people that E knows (though to be fair, most of them were friends of friends of hers). That was fun, and it was great meeting new people (despite the fact that I'm not really that good at meeting new people).

Later in the evening, E suggested we headed into the town to try a bar. I knew, because E had told me, that she had been trying to arrange to meet up with the bloke she's kinda been seeing recently. I'm not sure what the exact situation is and how serious it is, but she seems quite keen. Either way, E was going to meet up with her bloke whether I was interested in going or not.

That's where the problem lies. Despite the fact she'd invited me to hers, she was quite prepared to let me sit in her friend's house and chat to people I'd only just met a few hours previously while she nipped off to shift a bloke or I could accompany her where I'd probably end up as a third wheel. For the first time since I've known her, E did something that I didn't like.

As it turns out, when we did meet up with her bloke (and all I can say on the subject right now is 'Wow'. I may post more later), E didn't just walk off and leave me as I had kinda expected her to, but I was included in the conversations as much as possible and when the bloke went off to chat to his mates etc., E and I struck up our own conversations. I was still kinda pissed at her original attitude about seeing this bloke, though.

It looms closer!

Following on from my reminiscing, regret and certain amount of frustration about CAB, my mind turned today to the 'near misses' i.e. girls and women that could have had potential, but for a slight difference in fortune.

Two spring to mind immediately, for different reasons. The first happened years ago - probably fourteen, at least. Having managed to swing a few summer jobs for a couple of friends, one of whom was AM (who were dating each other at the time), they spent the summer working in a department beside mine with other university students. Sadly for them, their work was cut short and they were released with a few weeks left before uni started again, but AM invited me out for a drink one lunchtime with her new friends, one was a girl called B. On the bus on the way home a few weeks later, having bumped into AM who had just finished her last day, she proceeded to tell me that B had confided in her that she thought I was great. Why AM never said anything is beyond me, especially as she knew (and still does) that I am bloody useless at meeting women. AM never got B's contact detail, so following up on that was never on the cards.

More recently, G and myself went out on the lash on Saturday night to a local bar that I'd never been in before. Towards the end of the night, we were both fairly inebriated and, as I am prone to do when out with G, I am a lot more forward and less shy. We managed to get talking to a couple of girls standing nearby – a blonde and a brunette. They were good fun and we spent the rest of the evening chatting away. It turned out that the blonde lived within walking distance of where G and I live, so we decided to share a taxi. The girls invited us back for a drink, which we accepted.

It soon became apparent that further shenanigans were on the cards, should we want. I'm not sure G did, but the brunette had certainly caught my eye and for once, I was fairly sure that the feeling was reciprocated. Anyway, finally getting the girl on her own (and I can't even remember this girl's name, sadly), we proceeded to swap saliva for the briefest of times before the blonde threw one almighty (and loud) hissy fit. It turned out that once myself and this girl had disappeared, G had decide that he was going to go home (at this stage, it was nearly 5am) and the blonde was not impressed (despite the fact that nothing had happened and G had not done anything ungentlemanly).

I was gutted. I was just about to ask the brunette if she fancied a drink (the blonde had no booze left and I had an empty house and a fridge full of booze having had a BBQ that day) when she decided she had to see what was up. Less than thirty seconds later, I decided I should probably leave. The brunette gave me a very nice send off and I trundled back to mine, the rage of an angry blonde still ringing in my ears. Waking up the next morning, hungover, I realised that the brunettes send off (nothing more than an excellent snog) had clouded my mind and I'd completely forgotten to get her phone number. Bollocks.

The mid-life crisis looms.

Today has seen me in a very 'High Fidelity' mood, contemplating ex-girlfriends which is never a good thing to do at work. Specifically, I've been thinking about CAB, a girl I dated very briefly about 12 years ago. CAB was fun, she was sexy (ticked a lot of boxes of my 'type') and we had fun together. Sadly, not the kind of fun I wanted to have with her, though not for the lack of trying of both parties, although mainly me.

Circumstances made it difficult to get the kind of alone time we both wanted – for starters, we both lived at home at the time. CAB wasn't a huge earner, either, being on a government scheme after her graduation, so weekends away weren't on the cards. They were suggested, but CAB didn't want to feel like I was paying her way – a sentiment I understood at the time, but only really related with when I was dating FA2 and I found myself in CAB's situation.

I'm not sure where it would have gone if things had been different. Shortly after we started dating in March, CAB announced that she was going to go off and do a Masters or a PhD which would have meant leaving in the summer.

I called it off long before then, though. Things got very routine, very quickly. Every week, it was the same thing. We'd meet up on a Wednesday after work, get drunk in bars around our hometown and then get an early-ish bus home. The weekends would be similar, though we'd often be out with friends.

They were fun, but it seemed as if the relationship wasn't actually going anywhere. I've no doubt that CAB could tell you exactly why, she was a psychologist, but I've still no idea. Perhaps CAB's lack of money, coupled with our inability to get horizontal and naked meant that the relationship, even in its early stages, was going to remain stagnant.

Even with the odd fumble when we found some privacy in an environment that allowed such things (and granted, CAB did look magnificent naked – not something I can say about every woman I've undressed), the lack of sex was very frustrating to me (and I think to CAB, though she never actually said anything).

I do wonder what she's up to these days. I do have an idea, as I see her name attached to some important looking documents on the internet, though I am reticent about getting in contact. I do still wonder about what she's like in the sack, though. Maybe I should have just gone along with it for a few more months, until she left, and then called it quits then.

QnA

Well, thanks to the marvels of the internet, USHW has provided me with a list of what the acronyms mean. They all make perfect sense, and now I'm thinking of that arse. Mmmmm...

Still, the questions do not end. What questions was USHW expecting me to ask?

Old skool.

I was browsing through USHW's blog today. Some of the old posts rock (i.e. the ones where I'm talked up, big time). While I do know the people involved in a lot of the posts, the acronyms have kinda stumped me. What the hell does SoNA, MA and SL(PB) mean?

Another dilemma...

So there's been a spate of recruitment going on around here in my area of expertise. A job with another company could get me about a £3K pay rise (to the market average for my position and experience), although that's all I really know at the moment.

My salary is well below average for my sector, so the idea of a £3K pay rise is tempting. However, where I work is quite relaxed and I'm quite happy (apart from the low salary) and the benefits are good - dental plan, private health, gym membership amongst other things. The thing is (and this is where the dilemma part comes in because until now it's a no-brainer, right?) if things go well for me during the second half of this year, I could be hitting the market average salary by year end and still have the job satisfaction and the benefits. It all depends on what happens over the course of the next month or so (but then, by the time that rolls around, the recent recruitment buzz could be all done and dusted).

I do think it would be short-sighted of me not to at least investigate the market, so it looks like I'll have to brush up my résumé this week (which probably means a re-write).

On the plus side...

I have identified the blonde girl, and I have at least a name to work with...

*sob*

Reports filtering through to me today have indicated that Lickable Girl has left work for another firm! Noooooo! There goes my perving opportunities at work dos!

Jeez, there are other people out there!

I've just spent a few hours talking to A. I talk to A quite a lot, mostly on MSN. She can be very depressing at times, though. I think she is clinically depressed, but it doesn't make for good MSN chatting as this means she can be very self-centred when in one of those moods.

I was really not in the mood for that, either. As far as my own situation is concerned, I had a load of stuff going on in my own mind that I would have liked to have talked through with someone, but that was never going to get done tonight.

It's my own fault for being a closed book to most people and only relying on a few people. I should open up more.

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.

My ipod's died again. I rescued it from death a few months ago, but nothing that I've tried over the past few days has worked. It looks as if I'm in the hunt for another mp3 player... I'm lost without my music on the move and at work. Today, especially, was tough.I could have done with it at work to focus my mind on work, but I ended up letting it wander everywhere. Fucking iPod!

Introspective

I was out last night with E. Things went well. They always do. I really enjoy E's company, despite my usual turmoil/indecision/whatever you want to call it. Last night was no different. I did spend the entire night still trying to decide how far away from Platonic our relationship had gone, if at all. Perhaps all this is is simply a good friendship and I'm reading too much into it because E's a girl. That's from my perspective, of course, not E's. I've no idea what E thinks. Sometimes, I've no feelings beyond E being a good friend, sometimes it veers towards lust and sometimes it is a matter of finding E good girlfriend material. I've spoken about this before in this blog in a few places, but here's one post from this time last year.

Originally, when I first started thinking of E in non-Platonic ways, it really did bother me. I've no idea why, but it did. Now, I think I'm more bothered by the fact that I can't seem to make up my mind or perhaps more accurately that I don't have a consistent take on the situation. Each time we see each other, I can vary wildly in what I'm feeling.

E, on these matters, is unreadable. I've no idea what her feelings are on this situation. I've no idea if she knows or suspects about my less than Platonic feelings and if she does, if she even cares. I'd suspect not, as far as knowing is concerned. I've never made any moves towards E in that respect and I wouldn't unless there were clear indications that doing so would screw everything up. Female friends of mine (F, especially) are quite adamant that girls do pick up on that kind of vibe quite easily and are quite prone to consideration of male friends as potential boyfriend material amongst other things. I think there are probably clues there if she looks for them, though not many. For example, I'm not sure she has too many male (and straight) friends who buy her small tokens/send her cards when she's feeling down. So, perhaps she does know and perhaps she has considered possibilities.

I've no idea if the feelings are reciprocated in any way. Sometimes, E is open and sometimes she's not. Last night, for example, the body language fluctuated several times between open and closed (as far as my limited body language reading skills are concerned). There were tactile moments and moments where she shied away from contact. Obviously, some of that was with respect to the topic of conversation where she was quite agitated about a few things and at others, she was quite happy. Tactile moments with E are rare, though.

E was telling me that she'd met someone. I'll call him CW. E's quite unsure about the whole situation as, ordinarily, this wouldn't be a situation she'd find herself in. This isn't an ordinary situation though as E's world is going to turn upside down within the next two to three months, so any situation she finds herself in at the moment is never going to be long-term. This is a case in point of what I've been saying until now. When E told me, I felt hardly anything. There was a faint glimmer of something, but what? Jealousy that she'd again hooked up with someone that wasn't me? Sadness that I realised she'd soon be gone, perhaps forever? Happiness that this, on top of a few other recent events, meant that things are going well in E's world?

Why does this bother me so much? Even reading back on the post, I still can't make head nor tail of it at all. Perhaps the over-analysis is clouding the answer.

Isn't the weather fabulous?

That's enough weather talk, for now!

OK, let's see. What was I up to this week?

Well, am currently in the middle of arranging a night out with E this weekend (she was unavailable last weekend). Night to be decided, but an early show at the cinema and a night in the pub afterwards is the order of the day. All I have to do is arrange it around a birthday party on Saturday afternoon, but that shouldn't be too much of an issue.

With this in mind, I've put off the PD issue until next week. As it is, I'm booked up (yeah, a social life *gasp*) for at least two weekends (including this coming one), so no point in making any progress there if any potential meeting is going to be put off for three weeks.

Have also tried to trace the blonde from work, but I haven't seen her about and I can't find her in the office intranet. Mission continues...

I was at the gym tonight, which might not have been the greatest move in the world seeing as it's like 28 centigrade here at the moment. It did turn out to be a good move, though. Spent an enjoyable hour chatting to GC while I got a bloody good seeing to on various pieces of equipment. It was half empty, too, just the way I like it. If I can get out of work fairly early tomorrow, I might try for another night and burn off a shedload of calories before I drink them at the weekend!

It's a glorious day!

It's warm, the sun is shining and I can only think of one thing: that I'd really like to go to the pub tonight. I wonder if I can get anyone who'd like a few pints tonight?

Yay!

I got a card from USHW! It arrived today (we've had public holidays recently so all post was delayed), and it's lovely to hear from her again. Thanks, USHW.

Woah.

Was out with a few mates last night, well a mate and a few of his work buddies, to be more precise. One of my mate's friends bumped into a couple of barmaids that work in his local. One of them was this blonde stunner - athletic and curvy, shortish hair, at least one nice looking tattoo. Sadly, they sat down as I was nipping off to the bar and by the time I'd returned, they were finishing up and leaving. I didn't even get introduced or have a chance to talk to them. I'll have to see if I can start drinking in their pub, though. *wink*

Things to do...

Well, after that weird weekend, it's time to sit down and consider what's going on.

I have several potential irons in the fire, so to speak, so what am I going to do?

Well, first things first, I'm going to see if E's about this weekend. I haven't seen her since her birthday and it'd be ghreat to catch up. I drop her an email or send a text to see when she's available.

I think, next week, I'll see where the PD thing is going (if anywhere). I'm off work this week, but after I catch up on my return, I'll push for meeting up for a drink ASAP and if I'm not getting anywhere fast, then I'll simply stop contact again and leave the ball firmly in her court.

The tricky one is this potential interest from the Pretty Blonde from Friday and Saturday night. Like Lickable Girl, the trouble here is getting her into a social situation to be able to ascertain what's going on and one that's preferably away from any other work colleagues. That's something I have to work on (but given my complete lack of advancement with Lickable Girl, the Pretty Blonde might be a no-goer, too).

A weird end to a good weekend.

What a weird night. I ended up in a pub quiz with my sister, my brother-in-law and a guy I used to work with a few years ago. I'd been celebrating most of the day and by the time we arrived in the pub, to catch the last period of extra time of the World Cup final, it would be fair to say that I was fairly tipsy. Six hours of drinking can do that to a man.

Anyway, after the match ended, the pub quiz started and we stood beside two girls who, after swapping some banter, kind of joined our team. I say "kind of", because they were busy talking between themselves and sending lots of text messages, but they did chip in with a few answers every now again when they knew the answer or we asked and we generally had a good time chatting to them.

It was the weirdest feeling, though. Both girls were quite attractive (I think they might have been sisters, though am not 100% sure), although the younger of the two girls was, well, I dunno. There was a little flirting going on between me and the younger girl, but not that much. I get uncomfortable going on the pull when my sister (or anyone I know) is around and reign myself in. 

However, I don't think I've had the horn so strongly and so immediately over someone as I did last night. It completely took me by surprise, especially seeing as the girl was nearly 13 years younger than me. Unsurprisingly, I did spend the rest of the night in complete lust. They left towards the end of the night without a chance to swap numbers or anything, so nothing ever came of it. Waking up this morning, the feeling had passed. Well, when I say 'feeling', I meant the huge urge. The physical attraction's still there.

Now that I'm sober again...

...and reading my last post regarding the goings on over Friday and Saturday night, I'm not entirely sure that I'm that positive the blonde girl was casting glances my way. I'm sure it was more like I had about nine pints of dutch courage in me on Friday and a similar amount on Saturday, forcing me to see what I wanted to see.

Oh, go on then, I'll be cautiously optimistic.

A weird feeling.

I was at a work function last night (or maybe I should say "Friday". What time is it?) It involved a lot of us going to a local pub and getting trolleyed. I like these work things... it's a good chance to kick back and have a good perv at the females who (in my own opinion) tend to look better during the 'dress down' days as they do in normal 'business attire' (and there are some cracking looking girls in work, although not to the standard of Lickable Girl).

Yesterday was a bit weird though. I caught one group of girls paying particular attention to the small group of colleagues I was circulating with. One girl, in particular, was a very pretty blonde with a great smile. She's totally not my "type" (as previously identified, quite accurately, by F and E separately), but there is something intriguing about her, nonetheless.

Tonight, I was out with my friends AM, C, MA2 and QC1 and who walks in the door of the bar I'm drinking in but the cute blonde. Over the course of the night, I do catch her sneaking the odd look, confirming what I had thought last night that I was the one being picked out. Sadly though, tonight was an "occasion", so I couldn't really leave the party and pursue this any further and then she disappeared to who knows where. I'll have to wait until I go back to work and see what's going on here.

The postal service

Well, I replied to UHSW's letter and posted it yesterday. Hopefully, it should arrive on her doorstep quite soon, if it hasn't already.

Just like a bus...

After saying yesterday that I hadn't seen Lickable Girl in ages, I bump into her twice today. She was wearing a rather fetching red summery dress, but I still think she looks best in a plain jeans and t-shirt.

Confusion.

I got a letter from USHW today. Hurrah! She promised ages ago to send one and here it is!

So, this post's kind of dedicated to USHW, with a few questions for her thrown in, too.

Brief Status Report:
Lickable girl: not seen LG in a while now. Bumped into her at a work bash a few weeks ago, but in my semi-pissed state completely lost the power of speech and after a chirpy "Hi, LG!", couldn't speak a word.

PD: I stopped emailing months ago after I decided I was doing all the running and getting absolutely nowhere, despite making several requests to meet up. (Yes, I was incredibly pro-active). I sent a mail a few days ago as she's graduating soon, so I just dropped her a line to congratulate her. She asked me to stay in touch and included a "we'll really have to head out for that drink soon". Yeah, right. I'll give her a couple of weeks, then it's dumpsville (again), PD.

E: It's E's birthday this week and I've been invited down her direction to celebrate. That'll mean that, for the first time ever, I get to meet her brothers and sister. The taxi home will be a pain in the arse, and because of that, I'm kind of considering inventing an excuse at the last minute for not going (I know, slapped wrists). I'll make a decision at the weekend when I see what the weather's like...

OK, that's enough of an update. I'll be more verbose when I write back. I haven't decided if that's an email or letter yet, but something's going to come your way.

The summer is here!

For the past few days, the weather here has been absolutely glorious. That's meant a bit of time out in the fresh air, getting some (much needed) exercise on the bike, plus a spot of walking etc.

Yesterday, I met up with a group of ex-work buddies and we went out for a few (i.e. lots) of beers and to catch a few of the World Cup matches. It was a good laugh (it always is with that group of guys), and a very late night indeed, only coming back home as it was growing light. It's the kind of night that I should do a lot more often, but don't.

Ah...

Today was one of those days that just happens (like all good things, really). As it was a glorious day outside, I didn't feel like staying indoors until 5pm. Taking a few hours of flexi-time this afternoon, I was able to hit the gym when it was least busy (myself, about three other people, GC and a client of hers). For the first time in ages, I remembered my iPod, too. The gym is so much easier when I'm plugged in, though I must remember next time to plan a few playlists specifically for the gym. It kinda made me wish that I could go at 2pm every day! (Mental note to self: win lottery).

After that, I spent a fabulous hour or so playing the garden with my nephew. If the gym hadn't done the job of wearing me out, my nephew surely did.

So now, while the weather's still nice, it's out in the garden enjoying the weather, chilling out and reading.

Pity I've got work tomorrow...

Eff

Spent last weekend visiting F, which was a great laugh. Plenty of chat and booze and staying up late. The amount of people who were convinced we were a couple last weekend was astounding, too. Personally, I thought it was extremely funny though I'm not 100% convinced F thought the same way.

Those mistakes by other people prompted a discussion on the people in the bar we found attractive. F's type (in blokes) is more along the nerdy lines, namely tall, thin/medium build, nerdy interests (that match her own - sci-fi programmes, Terry Pratchett etc.)

Having pointed out only two girls in the bar that piqued my own interest, F quickly spotted that I was extremely picky, but that I liked brunette, athletic girls with some curves who were pretty rather than gorgeous. Those were F's words, not mine. Personally, the girls I think are cute, I do think are gorgeous. I'll have to take her word for it.

I didn't realise I was so obvious. E pretty much pointed out the same thing to me around this time last year based on a few observations in the pub.

Baby needs a new pair of... tits?

I go to the gym, and I see a personal trainer (GC) once per month. I like GC. She's easy to talk to (though I'd guess that she makes it that way as someone who deals person-to-person on a daily basis). As someone who is quite thin (probably the HUGE amount of working out she does) with long blonde hair, she's not my type (more on this another time).

However, the last time I saw her, something bothered me. Something had changed, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I saw her again today, and the difference I'd noticed the last time was quite obvious. GC has a chest!

Where did this come from? I see no real weight gain to indicate that it's just that. I can only think of two other possible sources. The obvious one's surgery, of course and I suppose it could also be the result of a hormonal change (contraceptive pill? Something else?).

Either way, I think GC suits being slightly curvier. Athletic is good, athletic and curvy is better. Nice one, GC, now I can have a bit of a perv when working out.

Work woes.

Not woes as such, but just a general pissed off feeling with work (or more importantly the clients I work for/with) who seem to think that I am not in I.T., but am, in fact, a fucking mind reader.

Time to do what I usually do in these situations: the lottery and a quick browse around the recruitment websites.

Wibble.

An email from USHW today: she's figured out that her Hotmail account has been buggered recently (lots of spam), but on the plus side, she's sending a letter. Yay! I really like letters. Getting stuff through the post is fabulous - cards, pressies, postcards and letters. It shows that people care and are thinking of you, because of the time and effort in posting something. E-mails are nice, but there's no real effort in sitting down and typing out a couple of hundred words. We've varely spoken over the past year because of various matters, so it'll be interesting to see what's been going on in her life (and I've already been given hints that it's not good).

I called E earlier to see if she was interested in going to the cinema this evening, but she's already booked up. It looks like it'll be later in the week, perhaps as early as tomorrow, though. It'll be good to catch up with her, too.

There's now less than a fortnight to go until my trip to visit F. I'm really looking forward to it - we'll get drunk, insult each other, offer each other advice on our respective lives and be evil to others.

And finally, in relation to the love triangle I've mentioned in previous posts, that looks as if it's finally died a death. I've already explained that the male in this triangle has "dumped" the two females, A and K. While being kinda friendly with them both, K never spoke to me about this, but I did get to know A. A was devastated for a long time about this, but finally seems to be getting over the whole thing by indulging in some good old casual sex. There's never a finer way of getting someone out of your system than by sleeping with someone else. Good going, A!

It's been ages, hasn't it?

Not that anyone seems to mind or care. I think in the year that I've been writing this blog, I've had the grand total of three comments. Three! Fuck me, that's depressing. Maybe that's another reason why I simply didn't post as often as I had originally planned - I think when I first started, I had this idea that someone might post the odd comment, perhaps leading onto a conversation about whatever was floating around in my mind. Never happened, though. Pity, though with a lot of the posts moaning about my lack of sex life, can anyone be blamed for not hanging around or coming back for further adventures in Forced Celibacy-ville?

Online dating.

I think I've mentioned this before. I "joined" an online dating thingy (the YAHOO one) a few months ago. When I say "joined", I mean I filled in my free profile and let it sit there, dropping by the odd time to see what's on offer (ahem).

I live in a fairly small city and I'm not really that mobile so I've never really thought that it made sense to actually pay up the cash because the (meagre) search results don't return a lot that takes my fancy. I did actually sign up once to, I think, udate.com when I was travelling around New Zealand a few years ago. It seemed the easiest way to make friends (and my co-workers weren't up to much) and I wasn't really looking for anything other than someone I could share a laugh with (and they could show me around their city/country). It was far too much like hard work, let me tell you. I felt I was jumping through so many hoops just to get one or two people to meet, and I think that's also kinda put me off using these things in future, whether it be for friends or something less platonic.

I do know of others who have had quite good luck with them, though they don't live anywhere near me and in larger cities, too. As I said, I'm reticent about shelling out the cash for it, but then again, why not? It's not as if my current social life is providing any extra friends, platonic or not.

Arse etc.

Sometimes, reading back on my own blog and posting on it depresses me. I've read around other blogs and I see people posting huge pieces almost on a daily basis, whereas I can barely scrape together enough to post once a week. That, in turn, has the knock on effect where I can forget all about the blog and don't post when I do think of something. Now, I know I've said before that I don't post here for other people's entertainment, but it would be nice to know that sometimes, enough happens in my life that I can make frequent, meaningful posts to the blog (especially without sounding like a loser who's only thinking of getting laid).

I think there's more to it than me just getting laid, of course. I think that I'm still uncomfortable with people identifying this blog with me. While I could simply write a blog that I'd happily be associated with, there wouldn't be any of the more personal posts about my love live (or lack thereof), but would simply be silly posts and moans about my job, for example.

Let's see what happens, but I really can't see any good reason to continue posting to the blog.

All this and only four days off of my first blog anniversary, too. Mid-blog crisis?

Finish Finnish.

The emails from the Finnish girl have dried up and they never really got beyond the smalltalk stage anyway. I did my best, right up until the last email from her which was very much a dead end one not inviting further discussion. I did send off another one afterwards, but that was a few days ago and I'm not expecting to hear from her again.

So, as a question to you females out there... Why was she so desperate to get contact details off of me? We only spoke for a few hours, there was nothing ever going to happen apart from a pen-friends kind of thing (which is slightly weird I suppose when you're 30+), but still might have been cool. I dunno...

The non-girlfriend.

I read a post on a blog somewhere recently. I'm convinced it was at Midwest and Wombat's place, Kiss'n'Blog, but I'll be damned if I can find it. The post (it was by a bloke, and in this case that would have been Wombat) mentioned women who were platonic friends, but who treated you like a boyfriend they wouldn't shag i.e. not splitting the bill at dinner, using you for something they needed done etc.

While reading this post, a light bulb appeared over my head, cartoon-style. PD could be this type of person. OK, she's extremely easy on the eye and has one of the greatest racks I've ever seen (although I haven't given it the close scrutiny I'd like to) and as I've no doubt said before, was great fun to talk to. We met at a work-related night class (though we do not work together) at the tail end of last year, found ourselves sitting beside each other at the back of the class, often sniggering like we were schoolkids again.

It turned out that I'd covered most of the material at university, so it was mostly old news to me – just a refresher course, but it was all new to PD. As possibly the only person in the class that she conversed with, I ended up helping her out. I can't remember if she asked or if I offered. Does it make a difference? Maybe, maybe not. It didn't take up a lot of time anyway – perhaps fifteen to twenty minutes to look over each assignment we had to hand in which was about once every three weeks. So, it was hardly the biggest commitment in the world.

I found her easy to talk to. I'm not a big conversationalist, so finding people that I can simply talk to is a rare thing and I try to keep in contact with these people because they are so rare. The class did end before Christmas though and we did agree to keep in contact. PD explained that, at the very least, she felt she owed me a drink or two for guiding her in the right direction throughout the course. As a single guy who likes the company of attractive, sexy women, I was never going to argue.

And we actually did stay in contact… at least by email (though she has other contact details of mine). There were even plans to try and get our respective groups of friends to be in the same bar at the same time, although these plans invariably fell by the wayside as last minute changes were made. However, over the past few weeks it occurred to me that I was doing all the running. I was the one sending the emails, asking the questions, making the suggestions. PD, if I was lucky, might send a reply that was friendly but non-committal. Does that make sense? I'd never really made up my mind if PD was someone I wanted to pursue romantically (she does tick a few of ruuude's checklist boxes for potentials but there are negative aspects, too) or remain just friends with her.

So, was she using me? The email contact is getting worse, briefer and less regular (and I'm still making the running). Perhaps I should just dump this non-girlfriend?

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Apologies to all druids, though!

USHW

Hey USHW... How you doing?

Questioning my own behaviour.

When I first started this blog, it was for my own reasons. It wasn't because I thought anyone would be interested in my life (or more accurately, these isolated incidents in my life) but that I would write these things down as a cathartic exercise interspersed with various other thoughts going through my head.

No-one knows who I am, apart from one person and the aim was to keep myself to myself and just write the blog. I could have done the same thing with a private blog, but really I don't think it would be the release that I sometimes want or need it to be if I didn't think that someone popped by randomly every now and again and read it.

I keep hitting the random blog button and seeking out other blogs, mainly for entertainment and have found a few great ones but always watched from afar. Today, though, I've done something I didn't think I'd ever do. I've left comments for other people on their blogs and not anonymously either. They're done with my username for this blog. I wonder why I did that? Is it tied in with the fact I've made about four posts today when I can sometimes barely remember this blog even exists?

Sigh.

A friend of mine, A, is going through a breakup that happened quite a while ago. She's not really listening to reason about it, or so it seems to me and I do have knowledge that it wasn't all rosy as she thinks it was. There are previous posts about it if you choose to look 'em up. That makes it very frustrating to listen to her because, while I do have sympathy for her, I think this news could help her get back on her feet though I feel that it's by far not my responsibility to let her know.

The Matrix

Ignoring all of the obvious plot hole in The Matrix, one question I always wondered how or why the graphical representation of each (human) character inside The Matrix was actually how they looked outside of The Matrix. I mean, I only know what I look like by looking in the mirror. Those people never even opened their eyes unless they were pulled from The Matrix, so explain that Wachowski Brothers. Smug twats.

Oh... I was reading a piece about V for Vendetta in case you were wondering where that came from.

Mhm.

From my time in the Baltics, I met a nice young Finnish girl. We've been swapping emails recently, though it's all small talk at the moment, hopefully it'll develop into something - a 'penfriend' or something. I don't like small talk, really. Partly because I'm no good at it but mainly because I find it so... pointless. Unless it leads onto something else, which leads me back to 'penfriend'.

PD's home today, though I don't expect to hear from her until next week at some point, if at all. I made a mentionin my last email of forgetting about this meeting up at the weekend when we're both out with friends idea and simply nailing down a night and going out for a drink. She can take that any way she chooses, but if this doesn't happen soon then I'll probably just give up.

The book on flirting and body language arrived a few days ago, and I've just about started reading it. It is interesting, but will obviously only ever be useful if I actually remember the stuff it's telling me AND pay attention to other people's body language. I guess it means I'll simply have to keep re-reading it until it sinks in.

For the future: I finally made arrangements to go and visit F at the end of May. I've promised her for ages that I would visit, but never got around to finalising any details. Now we have, so that's in the pipeline, and it should be really good fun.

With it being St. Patrick's Day next week, I'm sure I can head down the pub and toast good old St. P. The gym's still going (slowly), but I'm close to signing up for the work's footy team that plays once per week and we've also been offered a deal on a new bike by work too which could mean substantial savings (e.g. £150 for a £300 bike), which I'll probably take them up on. Both of these should mean an increase in exercise without having to go near the gym (plus the bike's always handy for getting around).

Lazy Sunday afternoon.

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Well, well. (It's a hole in the ground you get water from).

It's been a busy few weeks. Work has been mad - everything's gone tits up over the past fortnight, and there's a HUGE project to be handed in over the course of the new few days, so it's a busy time as you can imagine.

I still managed to get away with the boys recently to one of the Baltic states. Had a great time - beer was cheap, food was cheap and there were plenty of people to talk to. I even managed to get an email address of a girl from Finland. It'll be interesting to see what that's all about - she did all the chasing for contact details, though I wasn't able to offer mine at the time (too drunk y'see). Still, I think I prefer it this way as it put the onus of contact on me. I'll drop her a line next week.

I still haven't seen or heard from PD or E in ages. I emailled PD today and I'll drop E a text tomorrow.

Phew.

This how lazy I am - I'm just back from the gym. Tonight was one of those nights I meet up with GC and she proceeds to kick the shit out of me with various exercise machines. I always find it tough going, but it's a really pleasant feeling afterwards. It is worth it, seeing as I get no other exercise, so why can't I motivate myself to go more than once per week?

Wednesdays are usually my night to go, but given that there was a really cute blonde girl in there tonight, I might make the effort to go more often on Mondays!

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Well, where to start? On Vally's Day, I got TWO e-cards. One was a platonic one from USHW, which was very much appreciated plus another one from an unknown source that erm... wasn't. I hate not knowing stuff like that, so I sent an email to the Gmail account asking for their identity, but I doubt I'll ever get a reply.

I did chicken out of sending cards to any of the females who are currently taking my fancy - that'd be about three, I think. I blame the lack of contact details, but really, I have email addresses so I could have sent e-cards quite easily. Maybe I should just blame the fact that I'm chicken, especially when it comes to women. Meh.

As you might have guessed, things haven't moved on at all on any front. PD's still the most difficult woman in the world to get hold of and I haven't seen Lickable Girl from work in months. In fact, thinking back on it, I don't think I've seen her since before Xmas. That's most definitely my loss.

I have caught up with QC2, who was telling me all about her trip to NYC (thankfully, she returned a few days before the HUGE snowstorm hit), and it sounds like a fantastic place to visit. I haven't seen E since she came home from her skiing trip, so I will make a point of contacting her this week to see if we can't meet up or something.

Going away next weekend for a weekend on the booze with the lads, which promises to be excellent - lots of booze and lots of fun. Looking forward to that, already. I think I'm going to arrange a talk with the boss, too. I have concerns regarding work that need addressing if things are going to go well for everyone in my team this year, otherwise it could be a looong year.

No!

So, it's St. Valentine's Day tomorrow. I'm neither sending nor expecting anything (though am quite willing to be surprised). There aren't even any real targets. PD's still kinda floating around, but that's not looking as if it will develop anywhere and anything else is, well, just never going to happen. 

I did toy with the idea of sending PD (and a few others) an e-card earlier, before giving up on that idea. It did mean that I did find this cool e-card site: http://www.grtz.net/grtz/index.html It's well worth taking a look at.

Meh.

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title.

I heard from USHW recently, asking after myself (but also being nosey about PD). There was nothing to tell, and that's still the case, despite the fact I heard from her (PD) today. It wasn't anything important, though, just the usual email asking what I was doing at the weekend, but no urgency about the two of us getting together for a chat.

General stuff.

Not been online much recently, but that doesn't mean there's a lot to report. Is it really a fortnight since I last posted?

The K, A and third party issue is still ongoing. K's gutted, A's gutted (but starting to cope) and F and myself still think the third party's putting it about a bit.

I've not heard from PD since my last post, but I've contacted her today, so let's see if that brings any joy.

Everything else is trundling along as it should, though I was disappointed not to have won £100 million on Friday in the Euro Millions draw. Still, there is always this week - £125 million!

Upcoming events include heading out for a meal with some chums on Saturday and then down to my mate's house on Sunday for beer, pizza and the Superbowl. It's Superbowl XL this year, which means Superbowl 40, not "Fat" Superbowl. Should be a good laugh.

Well, well, well.

I actually heard from PD the other day, too. I'd almost forgotten about that. Apparently she pretty much lost all of Christmas due to being laid up with the 'flu. I shall be contacting her this week and pushing a trip to the pub, I think.

Secret fun and games... part two.

Well, where do I start? I got a message from F yesterday, telling me that the third party had called it a day with K. (See this entry: Secret fun and games) That's interesting for a few reasons. The first is that, knowing K, she's probably infatuated with D. It seems to be how she is, but the "relationship" (and I use that term loosely) is just over a year old by my reckoning, so I reckon she's devastated. Secondly, to the best of my knowledge, the third party is still supposedly still dating A, another friend of mine. In fact, A's relationship with the third party is probably about 18 months old at the moment which means she's been seeing the third party longer than K has.

K's been aware of A for a while (in terms of possible relationships with the third party – K and A do actually know each other, though it would be inaccurate to call them friends), but I'm not sure how much she knows for sure. From what I can gather, K's been friends with the third party longer than A has, but when A and the third party first hit it off and became an item, the third party wanted things kept a bit hush-hush, so K wasn't told outright. Suspicious, huh? I thought so.

Sadly, A's a bit insecure (actually, K is too, but K's bunny-boiling tendencies tend to over-ride that) so didn't tell K directly that she was seeing the third party, due to the third party's wishes for secrecy, but instead dropped loads of hints. I've already said that K would ignore the most obvious signs if that's what she didn't want to hear, so it's possible that she has deliberately ignored what A has told her.

That has all been covered before, though.

I haven't spoken to A for nearly a week, but when we last spoke, she was planning on being a bit more forward in getting what she wanted from her relationship with the third party (and the third party has been a shocking boyfriend to A since I've known her) including visiting the third party this weekend. This is what strikes me as strange – why did the third party dump K on the eve of A's first visit down there in months? Did A get to meet up with the third party (who can be difficult to pin down with arrangements)? Did the third party dump A, too?

I have loads of questions about this, because it all smells funny to me. As I've said, the third party is a shocking boyfriend to A, and from the little information I've gathered from F, to K too. So, is the third party actually looking for a relationship or just some sort of on-call fuck?

It would appear to be the former at this moment in time, and with A rather than K, though it's my personal opinion that the third party really needs to pull his socks up if he's to make anything last with A (though A will desperately hang on until the bitter end rather than be pro-active about the whole thing).

I suppose it's pointless pondering this further until I've spoken more to both A and F. I should speak to A at some point over the next week and I know that K is visiting F next weekend, so there'll be some gossip/news after that.

Travelling.

Again, this year looks as if it could mean a bit of travelling. I've already plans to go to Dublin, the lads and I are planning a foreign beer weekend at the end of February, probably to a Baltic state and I've promised F that I'd go visit her around May/June. None of these weekends will be cheap. Dublin's always at least £100 for a few nights out (though as I kip over with a mate, there are no hotels). The Baltic states will be expensive too - it's about £80 for a flight plus £100 on top of that for a hotel and then there's the spending money. Visiting F will be expensive, too. It's about £50 for a flight and £120 for a hotel for two nights (hopefully, Holiday Inn will do a special offer before then) plus spending money. And I was supposed to be saving money this year? Fucking hell.

On the bright side, I have been in contact with F, who's doing well by the sounds of it and has given me gossip. I may post it later as I've previously touched on the subject. Plus I got an email from QC2 who I haven't heard from in ages. Now that she's back online, I'll have to arrange a drink or something. I've also not forgotten about E, who's a bit skint at the moment and probably pretty stressed given everything that's happening with her at the moment. It's a shame because a night out on the piss is probably what she needs, but she's can't afford it at the moment.

Dirty minded test.

http://www.queendom.com/tests/minitests/fx/dirty_mind.html

I scored 90%, but then again, anyone reading this blog knows exactly how much I think about sex...

Goal setting - 2006.

OK, so I actually got around to typing out a post a few days ago and then my PC promptly crashed, the bastard. I've totally forgotten what I was going to say, too.

Ah well, here's another one. I started off on the first of my many goals today which is to sort my financial situation out. It will be a long, hard slog, but all the pieces have been put in place and within a week or so, that can kick off properly. I'm also hoping to be in a position before too long to start thinking about mortgages and the like, but my current estimates are looking at between £4K and £5K which is bloody scary, quite frankly. I might have to seriously consider a second job for a while, part-time of course, to speed up the saving process a bit.

In other news, work's getting back to normal. There was a huge fuss made over Xmas by a couple of people who have ideas above their station which turned into a circus by shoddy management. One of the guilty parties has handed in their resignation at the start of the month, and while I quite like the person, will not be sad to see his attitude leave.

Their replacement was supposedly meant to be one of the attractive looking ladies that I had done a bit of office perving over, but it seems that the company reshuffle has given her the opportunity to go to another company, which she's taken. It's a shame, really. Our team needs more females in it, and if they're attractive and sexy, then all the better.

2006

Not much to say, really. Pretty much just wanted to post something seeing as it's 2006. I've got a busy week this week, what with going back to work and all and with it being the start of the year. I don't really make resolutions as such, but I've a few ongoing goals to achieve, both short and long term, that will need worked on this week, plus it's ages since I've seen E, so I'll try and arrange to see her ASAP too.