Something to ponder.

I've been thinking about the Male Loneliness Epidemic recently. It's a big thing online. I don't know if it's as pervasive in real life, but I know that it's something I think about quite often. Regular readers will know that I've posted about loneliness before and my issues with my sister/brother-in-law and KfW2 always putting the responsibility for being in contact on me.

Often, from my perspective, the issue is not being alone but the quality of company when I do hunt it out. And "company" is doing a lot of heavy lifting there. I don't think I'm explaining myself too well. It's not the company per se but really how the company comes about and what happens when in company.

Even a nonsense conversation has value if someone seeks me out and makes the effort to get in touch. I was stupidly pleased when KfW2 got in touch at the end of last week, even if it was only she subsequently wanted a favour.

Having loved ones take some time out of their day to get in touch means an awful lot to me. I get zero from my sister. I can't remember if I've blogged about this before, but I've lived in this house for ten years and my sister has never popped in for an impromptu chat and coffee. She has been here, but there's always a specific reason for her to be here. But she's very much of the mindset that people go to her.

KfW2 has semi-pivoted to that. She used to pop in quite frequently, but since Covid, that's all but gone. She's mentioned more than once that I am always welcome down at hers when I need company, which is great, but sometimes I just wanna get her on her own, no hubby, no kids, and be open with her.

FP has been a big loss and probably a big factor to me feeling lonely more frequently these days as we'd chat a few times a month, in person, in the pub.

Conversations with G scratch that itch, but he's only ever home once every few months and we usually grab an hour or so to chat over coffee or a beer.

And to give an example where it doesn't have to be in-person and more about the kind/quality of communication, USHW and I used to have ongoing rambly email conversations that often got quite deep and often quite personal. And I held those in great regard. Even the quick WhatsApp chats we have these days can sort of get there, just not to the same detail that they would have years ago.

So, yeah, for anyone reading this, people don't necessarily have to be isolated or alone to feel lonely. It's always worth reaching out to your loved ones, and it's even better to make the effort and see them in person. 

Favourtown.

The cynical part of me had this niggling doubt about why KfW2 was so adamant that we met for lunch or something last week. It was too last minute, she seemed far too earnest for it to be nothing. And as I've already said, it really wasn't what I wanted, which was a good few hours in some decent surroundings, being friends. We've not done that since last year.

So I can't say that I was surprised when she sent a text message on Saturday asking for a favour. A pretty big favour. A repeat of the favour she asked of me in February.

I, of course, said "yes". I'm never going to leave a friend in need if I can, and the timing actually works out pretty well.

She's already been gushing with her thanks, and it means a lot to hear that - not everyone is as grateful as she is.

Gasp.

Remember in my last post, I said that the weather was great and that I am always more frisky in good weather?

Well, I should have added that I was out on a walk yesterday morning and as it was heading back home, I called into a local coffee place to treat myself to a latte.

As I collected my drink and turned to leave, I had to stop my jaw from literally dropping. Three women had joined the queue behind me, probably mid to late 20s. But they were, in my mind, dressed for clubbing and they were all stunning. 

But it was the style of clothing they were wearing.

 

This is Hollywood actress Jessica Henwick. I don't know what she's been in, but her dress is almost identical to what one of the women was wearing yesterday. I'm not complaining or being judgemental - she can wear what she wants - but I thought it was unusual to see this kind of glam in my home city, and at 11:30 AM on a Saturday morning in a coffee shop.

Bah!

I was going to make a post about the weather changing seeing as yesterday and today have been glorious, but despite England getting a heatwave, and the temperatures here getting into mid-20s C, we're not actually getting a spell of sunny weather. 

Tomorrow's meant to be rubbish, Tuesday looks OK and then that's it. Hot and wet after that. That's how I like my girlfriends, not the weather.

Maybe that's not a bad thing, though. I've posted before about how the hot weather affects me and I have been extremely frisky over the past 48 hours. 

What?

I had the weirdest dream last night. In it, a close friend was murdered, but before he died, he gave me a piece of technology. And from then on, I was chased around my home city, movie-style, by archetypal bad guys in black Range Rovers. In many of the "scenes" in my dream, I was naked for seemingly no reason.

I woke up before the bad guys caught me but also before any kind of resolution (or I'd forgotten it). 

Urgh.

I don't know what's going on, but I've been in a bit of a funk over the past few days. I could point to some obvious factors: the weather being rubbish, family stuff, not seeing anyone outside of family in weeks. But I can't say that any of them are responsible for the funk. Something feels off/missing, but I don't know what it is.

Oh? Ah.

I still haven't gotten around to doing the exercises for my back that I put together a few weeks back (probably more than that now tbh), but I have been making more of an effort to be on my feet more, doing stuff. And do you know what? That alone is starting to pay dividends.

Don't get me wrong - more, quicker, better recovery will require doing the exercises - but this feels like a good starting point and the slight easing of pain during the day does indicate that my own intuition about the root cause of the pain is actually correct.

LOL.

I was swapping messages with USHW and she said something that provoked a memory of CAB.

I was out at a pub with CAB and BW and a few others including BW's younger brother. We were having a discussion of some kind, a light-hearted "boys vs girls" kind of conversation when BW's little brother proudly pronounced that "blokes invented batteries" and sat there feeling quite smug.

We knew what the undercurrent was of that, but it was kinda surprising to hear that come from BW's little bro.

"Blokes didn't invent fingers though, did they?" retorted CAB.

BW's little bro was flabbergasted. We all laughed at him.

"Looks like you lost, go get some drinks in!" laughed BW.

So... yeah... an enjoyable semi-conversation with USHW today and an enjoyable memory of CAB. 

Sigh.

KfW2 called as I was getting on  the bus earlier. Was I free for lunch on Friday? Or if I wasn't was I free for an hour to go for a walk and some fresh air because she misses me and we've not seen each other since, what, March?

But she'd have to go and collect the kids from school.

So, a rushed affair. Not the lunch "date" I'd have liked - having a leisurely lunch, some drinks and then a couple of hours chilling in a bar, chatting.

It nearly always seems to turn out like this. KfW2 even  managed to mention that she'd just spent a lot of money on clothes for her kids - a school uniform for next year. She didn't say outright that she couldn't afford our usual afternoon out, but it felt like it was being implied.

I always feel bad complaining about this aspect of KfW2 because she did call me, she did offer to do something, and that's more than a lot of friends of mine would have done.

But I have been looking forward to going to a nice restaurant, hitting a nice bar and having some quality time with a friend.

Let's rock.

M was quite quick to reply earlier saying that he'd like to go to the gig at CB Pub in a few weeks time. I'll admit that I am surprised, but in a good way. I had half-expected him to say he had other commitments, but that wasn't the case. I'm looking forward to it already.

Groove on.

Quiet Girl's just sent a message about the music festival that's in town at the end of the month. We were talking about this a few weeks back at the last work's event. Her and her husband are taking in a few gigs that weekend, but they've also decided that they want to see my favourite local band who are playing that weekend as part of the same festival.

I've texted M to see if he wants to go. I'll happily go on my own - my ticket's been bought for a while, but I've not seen M in ages, so it'd be nice to have a pint and a catch-up. 

Grrr.

With the World Cup being on, I'm watching as much footy as I can. Sometimes I'll be doing stuff at the same time, like now for example. Germany vs Curacao is on ITV, and when I do, I watch online. This match is on ITV, so I'm viewing through the ITVX app/website.

It's horrible. I've seen worse user experiences, but not many and not recently.

Looking good.

I may have implied, or even stated outright, that I've lost quite a bit of weight over the past 18 months (actually about 20). While a few people have noticed, I've only gotten compliments off of two people that I can remember: a work colleague a few weeks back, and my cousin, today.

My sister and brother-in-law asked quite early into the weight loss journey about it. Nerdy Girl asked me if I was ill after asking if I'd lost weight. KfW2 didn't notice at all, then promptly forgot and then the next time she saw me a few weeks later, asked me if I'd lost weight.

Arguably, I'm still slightly overweight, maybe by as much as 8 lbs or 3.5 kg, but I've been hovering around my current weight for three or four months now. And I'm OK with that. I might be able to shift the last bit if I were more active, and I have been a little more active over the past few weeks, to start sorting out my back issues rather than from a weight perspective.

I'm at the stage where I feel comfortable buying new clothes. I've lost a lot of weight, but at 20 months into the journey, I'm kinda hoping that I'm settled and am not going to put it all back on again over the next few months. 

Oh no.

I had two separate dreams that involved KfW2 last night. I think they both followed the same kind of them. In the first, we were at a party. I might have been hosting it. And I was trying to chat to KfW2, but she was proving elusive. If I tried to make my way across the room, she'd be gone by the time I got there. If I tried to talk to her, she'd make an excuse to be somewhere else or talk to someone else. And a general feeling of us becoming more and more distant with each failed attempt to talk.

I woke early this morning, around 6 AM, and tried to get back to sleep. I did eventually, around 7:30 AM, and had a similar dream, though these details are much more vague. I think I was in a caravan that I owned, KfW2 and her family were there, but I couldn't get talking to her for a number of reasons.

I was planning on calling KfW2 today anyway because of the aforementioned family stuff, but I think those dreams will mean I do make more of an effort to find the time.

Sigh.

More family stuff happening, which is probably going to be the start of more serious issues in the upcoming months, and I will have to either phone or email someone over the next few days and shout at them.

Interesting.

According to a meeting that I was in earlier, it looks like the Tall Woman (who might have been hitting on me at a work Christmas party about ten years ago) is likely to become my boss within the next few months. Probably around the start of August.

As I've posted before, I don't think she remembers (she was horrendously drunk), so I don't see it being a problem. There are other aspects that are concerning about this, but Tall Woman being my boss is not one of them.

Oh yes.

Ideas Girl has already leaked the details for the work summer party. It's at the same place as last year. We had a good time last year, with Quiet Girl, Stalky Guy and another couple of people hanging around afterwards and getting a much later train home. The weather was good too if I recall correctly. Fingers crossed for more of the same thing year.

I still have the memory of QG laying her head on my shoulder on the train on the way home. That's not helping the loneliness. I do not have a thing for QG (well, maybe a little crush), but it's not QG that's provoking the loneliness, but the action itself.

Grrr.

I'm tired. It's work-related. I've been trying to solve a problem for about a week now and while I am making progress, it's slow progress. And really, it should have been sorted quite a few days ago. my boss isn't saying anything, which is good, but I'm still pressuring myself to get this sorted ASAP so I can move on to something else.

I would take some time off, but a) I can't really until this issue is sorted, which is probably a day or so away, b) I have a 2 week training course starting next week and c) shortly after that, at the start of July, I have a week booked off for personal time anyway. 

I just need to get this bloody problem solved. 

It's raining, meh.

I'm toying with the idea of going to the local shopping centre. I don't have anything to buy. Actually, that's not strictly true. I don't need anything, but there are a few items that i could pick up, and I would pick up if I were out and about. Whether that justifies me going shopping is another matter.

But it's more a case of me going out to get outside and stretch my legs. I've not really gotten into the exercise plan for my back that I put together a few weeks ago. I have made a point about being a little more active in general, but I do need to target this back issue.

However, the weather's rubbish. If it were nice, I'd walk there. It's just over a mile away, maybe about 20 mins walk. But with the rain, it's a bus journey.

I need a shower anyway, so I'll decide after I get showered and changed. The shops don't open until 1 PM. The weather is sucking my enthusiasm though.

A-ha!

I found myself going through an old MSN conversation with A earlier this afternoon. I remembered us being quite open with each other, but the conversation was quite explicit. A was fresh off her "secret" relationship with the guy who was fucking K on the side. She was on match.com, trying out online dating, before online dating was actually a thing. Plus it was the early stages of her relationship with the guy who would become her husband, and who she couldn't get a read on at all.

It was notable for being around the time of a few interesting social nights that I might have blogged about before - a night out with G where we met some cute women and a night out with my sister and brother-in-law (and Friction Guy) where I met and had really intense chemistry with another cute woman. I'm almost sure I've blogged about the former, maybe not the latter though.

Anyway, A was being very explicit about a lot of things - her failed attempts to fuck the now-husband, her chesty Match.com photos, the now-husband's oral skills, her general horniness levels (the good weather gets her frisky), how great her tits were, and her concern that her holidays, the now-husband's holidays and her imminent period would take sex off the table for at least a month.

I'd completely forgotten that she was that forthright about stuff. But that kind of stuff never fazes me and unlike UHSW who was testing boundaries when we first started talking, I think A just liked that she could talk about whatever she wanted without pushing me away simply because she was talking about, for example, her period.

Woah!

This happens quite often: I posted yesterday about not having spoken to KfW2 in ages and how I'd planned to call her today. Well, guess who called me this morning? Yup. That seems to happen quite a lot, both ways.

We spoke for quite a while, covering topics such as our families, CC, work. KfW2 again suggested that we should meet soon, but she seemed adamant that it would be lunch, not dinner.

Part of me wanted it to be dinner. An evening out with kfW2 would be fun. An afternoon out with KfW2 would be fun, too, but I think I'd prefer an evening. I don't know why. She also suggested a Friday. She's off work on a Friday. I am not. I could take time off, quite easily. I have taken time off for social things in the past.

So, anyway, mild disappointment aside, we could be out before the end of the month. I'd like that. 

Long time, no speak.

It's been ages since i last spoke to KfW2. I know she's off tomorrow, so I might give her a call and catch up on life and see if there's any movement on us getting dinner and drinks.

Guess what?

WhatsApp group update: still no further messages apart from one from AM's husband that mentioned my favourite local band.

I can't say I'm surprised. I'm documenting this more to share with you, dear Reader, about how bad they've been.

More Memories

Facebook reminds me that it was a long time ago where I returned from Chicago on a last-minute work trip. It was where, arguably, my friendship with KfW2 began. We'd met before but never really talked. On this trip, though, we'd spent some time together and actually had conversations.

Our friendship didn't actually take off for at least another six months and it wasn't as smooth sailing as I had thought. Something that KfW2 didn't admit for a couple of years.

But there are photos posted on Facebook from the trip that have appeared on my timeline today. Good memories.

Eureka!

I can't remember the exact details around it, but a memory popped into my head earlier. My sister and mum were in town and I had taken them out to lunch. I think it was at the bar where R2 worked, but I'm not 100% sure on that.

What I am sure about is that they left and I had an afternoon off, and I did find myself in the bar where R2 worked, chatting to R2. It was midweek so the bar was quiet and she had plenty of spare time to chat.

I'm also pretty sure that's the afternoon where I decided to go to university, or it was the catalyst for my decision. R2 was easy to talk to, so an afternoon of chatting about my career plans (or lack thereof) was an easy way to pass the time.

So by the time I'd finished a few pints, a number of hours later, not only was I feeling fairly optimistic about things, but I had a rough idea of what to do, who to talk to and what I'd need.

I'm pretty sure I got a hug, too.