Looking back.

Something I meant to mention in my last post is that on my way round to my Dad's house, I took a minor detour to walk past a couple of specific houses, namely those where BW and FA2 used to live. That's how they met: they were originally neighbours.

I only met FA2 a couple of times when she lived beside BW and I barely remember talking to her. So it was a surprise when BW told me that she had separated from her husband and that she had specifically told BW to tell me.

Our paths only really started to cross after she'd moved out of the marital home. But I'd always wondered when she'd started being interested in me, romantically. I think it was a lot earlier than she ever let on, even when we talked about it.

LOL.

I was swapping messages with USHW and she said something that provoked a memory of CAB.

I was out at a pub with CAB and BW and a few others including BW's younger brother. We were having a discussion of some kind, a light-hearted "boys vs girls" kind of conversation when BW's little brother proudly pronounced that "blokes invented batteries" and sat there feeling quite smug.

We knew what the undercurrent was of that, but it was kinda surprising to hear that come from BW's little bro.

"Blokes didn't invent fingers though, did they?" retorted CAB.

BW's little bro was flabbergasted. We all laughed at him.

"Looks like you lost, go get some drinks in!" laughed BW.

So... yeah... an enjoyable semi-conversation with USHW today and an enjoyable memory of CAB. 

Not quite right...

I can't remember if I've posted about this before, but I had a random memory earlier today about a Saturday afternoon spent with FBS and a few others in the pub. The night before, I had been at D's house, having beers and playing video games.

I seem to recall D making a point about FBS being out with BW and a few others and why I wasn't with them. D was one of the few people who knew that FBS and I had been fucking. I knew he knew. He knew that I knew he knew, but still, I never really admitted it to anyone.

So, the next day, I arrived at FBS's house, which we'd preplanned. We were meeting D and others in town. Why I was at FBS's and not D's, who only lived two streets over, and closer to my house is lost in the mists of time.

I knocked on the door and BW answered. I can't say I was surprised. I would say that 90% of the time BW went to a bar, he went with a plan to meet a girl. He didn't know about FBS and I, so to the best of his knowledge, FBS was available. I'm willing to bet that he'd tried it on. 

He had kipped on the sofa. FBS was nowhere to be seen. It was silent. I couldn't even tell if she was still asleep. But it was rapidly approaching lunchtime and I wanted to get into town, grab a bite somewhere and hit the pub.

While BW made himself presentable and tidied the sofa, I went upstairs and knocked on FBS's bedroom door.

"Are you awake?"

"Yes. C'mon in."

FBS was lying in bed.

"Get your arse out of bed. It's time to meet the rest."

It wasn't really. We had about an hour or so, but that allowed time for FBS to get ready, perhaps shower and get a bus into town.

"Yes, well, not with you watching. Turn around."

I'd forgotten that FBS had made two surprising claims about her sleeping habits. The first was that she didn't have a "side" of the bed. She just went to bed on whatever side was closest when she was ready. The other was that she slept naked. 

I'd already seen her naked at this point, but this was months after we'd last spent the night together. She wrapped herself in a dressing gown and opened her wardrobe.

"Is BW still downstairs?"

"Yeah."

"OK, I'll get ready. Go downstairs, I'll be 20 minutes."

The thing is, while I am 100% that this happened, some of the details of my memory feel off... not quite right. Like the night with D, playing video games, feels like it was the middle of winter, while the next day arriving at FBS's house feels like today: not quite spring, but dry, bright and just a little cold. Given our recent history and how it ended - I wouldn't say I ghosted FBS, but we didn't spend a lot of time alone once she admitted she wanted more than just casual sex - so me turning up at her house months after we last fucked and being cheeky enough to walk into her bedroom and demand she got out of bed also feels off.

Ah well, it's a pleasant memory nonetheless. 

Provocation?

I was reading Reddit earlier and a post in a Men's sub asked the question about turning down an attractive friend.

I instantly thought of the evening that E3 kissed me, at the end of M's birthday party. What I didn't put together until today were the parallels between that evening and the first night I kissed FA2.

On the evening I first kissed FA2, I was out with another group of people that included FA1. FA1 and I had a bit of chemistry, but I could never tell if that was translated into actual romantic interest. BW was meant to be out, but there was no sign of him when we all met in the early evening. Eventually BW turned up, with FA2, nearly three hours after the rest of us had met. By that time, I'd been chatting to FA1 for a while. I'd ruled out any interest on her part due to the fact she'd recently started dating a new guy. But as I said, we'd always had chemistry, so the conversation flowed easily, and that was how BW and FA2 found me, deep in conversation to the point of being oblivious to anyone else around us.

At M's birthday party, while there was a group of old school friends in attendance: G,BR,E3 and others, I was being more of a social butterfly. I was chatting to some of MM's friends, including MMBF who was looking mighty fine in one of her figure hugging dresses. There was a bit of low-key flirting going on. Both M and MM knew that I had a bit of interest in her, but I think we all agreed that we probably weren't suited from a personality perspective. On more than one occasion, MM's friends had me on the dance floor.

There are strong similarities in both nights - me being fully engaged with other, attractive, women. So, it struck me earlier. Was it my behaviour with MMBF and FA1 that prompted E3 and FA2 to make their moves? Another similarity was that I didn't see a lot of E3 or FA2 at that point (that changed with FA2 after this night though).

Zzz

My sleep this week has been awful. Is it a change in the weather? That sometimes plays havoc with my sleep patterns. Is it being back at work after 2 weeks off? That doesn't help either. Nor does having to get up at 7 AM for a rare day in the office, like yesterday.

Anyway, there were several dreams last night in between bouts of being awake. K feature in a dream, as did BW, though I have no recollection of the actual dream content, just that they featured. BR might have featured too.

So, with three nights of poor sleep behind me, I am really struggling this afternoon. Roll on the weekend. 

Party mood.

A series of memories popped into my head a few minutes ago. I think I've posted about one of them before: AM invited FBS to our New Year's Eve gathering at a party two hours away. But it wasn't just that one evening that popped into my head, there were many times where BW and I had gone to visit AM and QC1 at their student house and ended up having a great time. 

I recall sharing cigarettes and conversation with QC1 in the stairwell of the local student's union, parties in AM's flat and a few dalliances with friends of AM and QC1, even though I had the largest crush on QC1. 

I presume these memories all popped into my head because of the specific night FBS came with us, which was a New Year's Eve, probably around this time. We'd have been on the bus on the way there. 

Good times. 

Out of the blue. Well, green.

In a meeting earlier, while bored, I randomly thought of the night I first slept with FA2. I can't remember if I blogged about it before, but I'd be surprised if I hadn't.

I was out with school friends. BW, for some reason, invited out FA2. FA2 turned up wearing her "I'm going to get it" outfit. All that really meant was jeans, a see-through green blouse and a green Wonderbra. We'd had a previous conversation where she explained that's what she would wear to make an impression on a guy.

We'd already spent many hours on her sofa making out at this stage, but I still didn't grasp that the person she wanted to make an impression on was me. At least not until that night where she dragged me upstairs back at her place.

Anyway, I genuinely don't know why that random thought popped into my head at 2:30 PM  this afternoon... but it did.

Well then.

I had a dream last night about a night that actually happened. I might have already blogged about it, but I wanted to type this up before the details fade away.

I was out at a pub, with BW plus AM, QC1 and their respective partners. An old flame of BW's was out as well. We were out to see the band I posted about over the weekend, at the bar where I met R2.

But the main memories of the night were that I spent most of the night dancing away with a friend of BW's ex-girlfriend. From memory, she was an attractive brunette woman with a great figure. In the dream, it was TV weather forecaster Lucy Verasamy.

Ultimately, just like real life, nothing came of it beyond a quick kiss and lots of knowing looks from AM and QC1. 

But now that I think back, my vague memory of the woman in question, I do get Lucy Verasamy vibes off of her. Is that the influence of the dream of did they have similar vibes from a physical perspective?

Dance to the music.

Back in the day, I spent a lot of time in what would become known as CB Pub. FP, G and a lot of others from school would regularly have nights out there, especially if there were bands playing. One of our favourite bands played Blues Brothers type music and they were very good.

In my late teens and early 20s, I saw them a lot. Then they disappeared and I saw them infrequently. They were the band that BW and I went to see when I met CAB. They were the band I was watching when I met R2. They played at AM's wedding. I took FA2 to see them a few times and she was both impressed and annoyed that she got me to dance. Impressed that she liked me dancing, annoyed in that I didn't do it often.

Anyhoo, this is all preamble. Guess who's playing CB Pub in two months time? Yup. Now, who can I go with?

Ssshhh!

Years ago, after I left school and most of my friends had gone to university, I worked an office job, where I met QC2, FBS, Friction Guy and that lot.

BW went to university in our home town so we often socialised together. During this time, he had an on-again-off-again girlfriend. I don't think they were particularly good for each other, but they found themselves getting together briefly before drifting apart again for a few months, then repeating.

I think I've blogged about my first date with CAB. Well, this girl was the reason CAB's friend lucked out that evening.

Regardless, this was before CAB or FBS. One night, BW launched himself at the girl and within seconds they were full-on snogging. Her friend was shocked.

"What are you DOING?"

"They're kissing, Rhonda," was my smart-arse reply.

I'd met Rhonda before and we got along well. We were often left talking to each other when BW and the girl inevitably hooked up at the end of the night.

Rhonda laughed.

"I know, silly. But are they going to go through this again?"

I shrugged.

"We don't have to hang around here while they fumble away."

"Where do we go?"

"Home? I'm fucked if I'm waiting around for them to finish"

"I don't want to walk home on my own."

I knew roughly where Rhonda lived and knew that BW's girl lived on the next street, which is why they'd go home together. It was in the opposite direction to where I needed to go, but I could order a taxi from hers. I shared that thought with Rhonda who pondered it briefly and then nodded. It was about 25 minutes walk.

We chatted on the way up the road. Rhonda had explained that she'd had a conversation with BW's girl who was adamant they wouldn't hook up again, hence her somewhat vocal disapproval of their actions. I laughed.

When we arrived at Rhonda's, she invited me in but before I could order a cab, we were kissing. I admit, I'd never given Rhonda any thought toward anything like this, but this first night, I just kind of went along with it. I left a few hours later when I ordered a cab and we eventually stopped snogging.

The thing is, it seemed that we were both on the same page. We both enjoyed ourselves, but there was no desire to take it any further... nor was there any real compulsion to admit what we'd done. Until we had a repeat performance about a month later after BW pulled the same stunt. After that, we both went out of our way to get the two of them together so we could have our own secret fun.

Rhonda and I eventually slept together a couple of times. One morning, as I left Rhonda's and was waiting for the bus, who should amble up but BW. As he saw me, the penny dropped, both in figuring out why I was there and the subtle way Rhonda and I had been putting BW and Rhonda's friend together were suddenly not so subtle.

I don't know what changed. BW and Rhonda's friend stopped hooking up each time they bumped into each other at the pub. Had it run its course? Had Rhonda and I just extended their usual cycle by a few months so we could have our own fun? I never found out. It happened a few times, but the regularity of it ceased.

Rhonda and I slept together once more after that. We bumped into each other at a club, she was headed in a different direction to her friends. I offered, with no assumptions, to walk her home, and she asked me to stay over.

A mostly forgotten memory of my early 20s, until I bumped into Rhonda's friend yesterday while I was at my parents' house. She'd been living just around the corner for years.

Kiss.

Late yesterday evening, CAB popped into my head. I don't know what triggered it, but it was a memory of one of our first dates. I'd returned from a foreign trip to see AM and QC1 the day before. I think I've blogged about this previously.

This was a Sunday. Back in the day, some school friends and I would head to a quiet bar, out of town and have a drink or two to wind down the weekend. This time, though, it was CAB who phoned. She agreed to pick me up and the arrangements were made. Not long after, BW called for the usual weekend wind-down.

I apologised and explained that CAB had already been on the phone.

She turned up not long after and off we went. It was enjoyable though uneventful. When she dropped me off at home later that evening, she kissed me. It turned into a bit of a snogging session and by the time we parted, the car had well and truly steamed up.

That then provoked another memory of our first date. I'd asked CAB out to lunch. We had a great time and as we parted, we made last-minute plans to meet after work to continue the date. Halfway through the date, CAB got a message that her friend (who had a thing for BW) had been made redundant. She needed a shoulder to cry on, so our date ended. CAB at least asked her friend to give me a lift home.

As I was dropped off, CAB asked that I didn't just run into the house. She got out too and went in for the kiss. If her friend hadn't been in the car, and already impatient, then it would have lasted a lot longer than the few seconds we spent kissing.

So, yeah, unprovoked enjoyable memories.

Argh.

I had a really weird dream last night. It involved M and MM getting married in a seaside town where I used to spend my summers as a kid. All my school friends were there - FP, G, BW, BR etc. But with hours to go, I realised that I left my suit back home. There was then a frantic struggle to find a replacement suit, which was initially successful, but then I couldn't find a shirt and tie to go along with it. Panic ensued.

Along the way, during the suit hunt, I managed to meet three attractive women, all of whom seemed interested in me romantically. Inexplicably, I never managed to find a suitable shirt/tie combo despite an extensive search with the three attractive women. Eventually, I turned up to the church bare-chested and red-faced. I was also too late - M and MM were already leaving the church.

MM was laughing. Then one of the attractive women showed up - she kinda resembled Chloe from before Xmas from what I remember of the dream - with a shirt and tie. I dressed and we all went off to party at the CB Bar which wasn't in my hometown in the dream but had been transported to the seaside town.

Suffice it to say, I woke up this morning somewhat stressed about the suit hunt aspect and not feeling positive but frustrated about meeting an attractive woman part.

Denied.

Another dream last night though the details are, once again, already fading. It was a dream that featured me meeting someone in a hotel for sex, but then getting blocked every time we found some privacy and time to do the deed. By BW of all people! Unsurprisingly, when I woke properly this morning, I was extremely frustrated.

And then I remembered that I had to go to the dentist.

Awful morning.

At least I was able to treat myself to a really nice coffee once the dentist had robbed me blind.

Gut Feeling.

I can't remember if I ever posted about this before, but for some reason, this popped into my head earlier this afternoon. It's about FA2, and specifically my suspicions about her feelings towards me much earlier than when we first started fooling around.

The thing is, there have been few times where hints have been given, by women, and I've noticed them. QC1, FA2, and QC3 of those mentioned on this blog, are good examples.

When FA2 first announced her availability (or, more accurately, her separation from her husband), she specifically asked BW to let me know. The thing is, while I'd met FA2 a few times, it struck me as weird that she insisted that BW share the news specifically with me. I thought nothing of it at the time, assuming that it was all BW's doing. BW seemed very taken with FA2. FA2 admitted later that it was her doing.

BW got a contract to work abroad for a few months. He asked me to look after FA2, which I thought was a little weird. I called her randomly one evening and asked if she fancied doing something. She declined and I thought nothing of it. I reported back to BW that I'd made the effort.

Again, there was a night when me, FA2, BW and others went out to see an ABBA tribute band. There was lots of booze and dancing, and I caught FA2 giving me looks. Again, nothing concrete, but this was probably the first time that I had a hunch that something was up.

Then we get around to the night we first kissed. I had arranged a night out with FA1 and her friends. BW and FA2 were meant to turn up, and they did... albeit hours later as they'd gone out for dinner while I was trying to figure out FA1. I had suspected that FA2 was interested in me, but I also thought that there was an outside chance that BW might have been interested in FA2. 

It later transpired that when I called her to do something, she had assumed I was asking her on a date. But I wasn't. I didn't view her with romantic ideas until she the moment that kissed me. It was the BW influence. If he wasn't interested in her, they were close friends, and that needed to be managed, so I think I kinda refused to consider something romantic/physical on that basis.

Of course, a mutual friend later explained, after FA2 and I had been officially dating for a few weeks, that BW had been interested in FA2, but BW had never said to me.

But still... I wasn't always useless at picking up signals. Just most of the time. And even when I did, I tended to second-guess myself.

Bluesday

This funk has really kicked me in the nuts today, and I don't understand why. I'm not entirely sure that it's solely down to KfW2 potentially moving to a new company, though it's likely to be part of it. It might also be partly to do with the events of BW's Dad's funeral and seeing AM and M, amongst others.

I do at least recognise that a large part of the funk is loneliness, but there's something else there that I can't quite put my finger on.

Bitter sweet

I got to see a lot of people today, but as seems to be the norm these days, the reason why we all got together is a sad one. It was BW's Dad's funeral. So, yeah, not great circumstances but I still managed to get to talk to FP, AM, BW and others. 

AM was very keen to get a night out arranged. It was funny because I had been explaining to FP how I've lost contact with AM because when I stopped making the effort, she never stepped up to make arrangements.

It was great seeing everyone, but given the circumstances, not actually enjoyable, if that makes sense.

Party time.

I often think of FBS at this time of year. Usually we've had one of our (semi) annual nights out, which is a Christmas affair, so she's on my mind. And, of course, there was my last post with the craving of some companionship.

But it was around this time of year, many years ago, where things between FBS and I got physical. While it started a month or so earlier with a misstep on my part around sharing a sofa with FBS, it really got moving after a Christmas party hosted by D. I wasn't even meant to attend. My favourite local band were playing at the same pub where R2 worked and, with FP and BW, I was planning on that. 

Except I got drunk during the afternoon, fell asleep at home and woke at 11 PM, It was too late to hit the bar, so I went to D's party instead. (As an aside, when I showed up to the party, FP and BW were there. They had arrived late to the gig, couldn't get in, tried to leverage my friendship with R2 and she refused, so they bailed out to D's party).

While nothing happened at this particular party, I did get a notion that she was considering something (and I learned after the fact that D was talking her into it). 

FBS called me a few days after Christmas. She had an emergency and, for some reason, thought I'd be able to help. While I wasn't able to fix the problem, I was able to help a little and point her in the right direction. We then sat and had a few drinks, smoked some cigarettes and chatted. This was the first night that I remember we kissed, on her sofa.

AM suggested I invite FBS along to our NYE celebrations. I can't remember why. I don't remember sharing with AM that anything was going on with FBS. But for some reason, I did invite FBS along, to the party, that was out of town and 75 miles away. What could go wrong? What was I thinking? 

FBS did seem to have a good time, though. Once the party started to die down and people started leaving or disappearing off to the room that had been set aside for people to crash. FBS and I ended up making out on AM's sofa (I was due to sleep there), once everyone had gone, and this time, it got a lot more handsy.

It was a few days later again, into the New Year, when we first slept together, but when the loneliness sets in around this time of year, I remember back on this series of events quite fondly.

I think I've posted before about this, but by my reckoning, I've had more success over the Christmas and New Year period with meeting new people than at any other time of the year.

Fond memories.

I was re-reading an email conversation that USHW and I had a good few years ago and I had explained to her how CAB and I had met. It provoked some pleasant memories, so I thought I'd share. I think I've mentioned a little of how we'd met, but here's the story in more detail:

I was out with BW and another friends of ours, watching one of my favourite local bands. This would have been somewhere around the start of March or end of February. BW met a female friend of his, and CAB was her friend. At the end of the night we all disappeared off to get a taxi. CAB mentioned that her friend had a crush on BW, so the two of us made ourselves scarce to see if anything would happen. I had a slight inkling that CAB might have had her own ideas, but I didn't see any obvious signs. Eventually we got a taxi and as I dropped CAB off, there was a brief kiss, that she initiated.

Back in the day, a group of us always used to go out for a Sunday night drink to close out the weekend, and this was no different... except BW brought CAB's friend out (though nothing had happened between them the previous night). BW and the mutual friend were teasing me about CAB and I mentioned that she was nice and I'd be interested in seeing her again. The friend disappeared for 5 mins and half an hour later we were sitting in CAB's house drinking tea. Between the four of us, we arranged to go out on Monday for drinks. CAB recommended a pub out of town and off we went. In the pub, we were left alone, so I asked CAB for a lunch date. She said yes.

We did lunch on the Wednesday, both of us had a good time but I was due to be going to France on the Sat morning for ten days to visit AM and QC1 and CAB was busy until the weekend, so we agreed to meet again when I came back. 

I was all packed and ready for a quiet night on the Friday when CAB called. Apparently her plans for that night had fallen through, did I fancy a few drinks? (To this day, I don't think they did fall through and she cancelled them herself).

Anyway, we went to the pub and had a great time. She said that her friend was out trying to find BW that night. I knew that BW was out with BR and that everyone would likely go back to BR's house for afterparty/somewhere to order a taxi, so CAB and I walked there, stopping every now and again for some kissing. We got there before anyone else was and stood on the doorstep having a bit of a snog. As luck would have it, Friction Guy's girlfriend lived a few doors down from BR and they were walking past and invited us in for a drink.

An hour or so later, we left and went to BR's. BW was there but CAB's friend had already gone home (BW had hooked up with an ex that night). I tried calling it a night, but CAB dragged me into a dark corner and we made out for a while. I eventually got home about 4AM, to be up at 6AM to go to the airport.

I admitted to AM and QC1 about CAB while I was visiting and they quizzed me heavily. Yes, she was cute. I thought she was nice. I saw it going somewhere, but it was too early to tell, I seem to recall telling the girls.

Nearly as soon as I was in the house when I returned, CAB phoned and arranged to meet. I was due to meet BR, BW and others, but agreed to meet for a drink first. She was very insistent on that. It turned out that while I was away, she had kissed one of her male (and supposedly platonic) friends. BW and our friend from the first night witnessed this, so she wanted to tell me before anyone else had a chance. 

I was ambivalent. I explained that we'd had one date and knew each other for a week, it's not like we were official or exclusive. She seemed happy with that and we pretty much the started dating from then.

It ended a few months later, again I'm struggling with the actual dates, but probably early June. We dated for just short of three months. I probably jumped the gun as it had an extra few months in it, at best, because she was leaving for studies in another city at the end of the summer and I wasn't ready for long distance.

She did spend a few weeks trying to reconnect, but I was too stubborn to give in.

Afternoon delight (Part 2).

The memory of christening FA2's new house a few days ago prompted another memory. FA2 and I had travelled to see BW. At this stage, we had officially been dating about a month (and this was probably six weeks before the other incident mentioned a few days ago). 

In typical BW fashion, he was buying a house and had signed the paperwork mere hours before FA2 and I arrived. There were issues - the deal was supposed to have been done weeks earlier.

Instead of spending the entire weekend in the pub and generally having a good time, we spent most of the weekend tailing BW as he did lots of errands for the new house.

He literally had no furniture. FA2 and I slept on the floor, we had to take sleeping bags with us etc. I was surprised there was electricity and hot water.

We went to the pub at night and one night, BW got royally toasted on Saturday. When we arrived back at his place, he fell forward as soon as he entered his house and fell asleep on the living room floor. FA2 and I briefly made sure he was OK then FA2 made a move to go upstairs. I pulled her into BW's conservatory where we had sex. It wasn't the first time we'd had sex that weekend. We christened BW's house the first night we were there, Thursday. By the time we left on Sunday evening, we'd ticked off three rooms: the bathroom, the guest bedroom and the conservatory.

Obviously, we said nothing to BW about it though he had said to me that he was looking forward to getting someone back to his to christen the conservatory. FA2 wasn't present for this conversation - I think she was at the bar at the time.

A few weeks later, BW sent me a message. He'd met someone at a bar and had brought her back to his. His house, and specifically his conservatory, had been christened he claimed. I shared this news with FA2 and she laughed. 

Even though we were still in the honeymoon get-naked-and-fuck-every-opportunity phase of the relationship, I don't think it crossed BW's mind that FA2 and I would have had sex that weekend and, to this day, he thinks he christened his house.

Playing games.

Years ago, on a typical Friday night, if I wasn't in the pub, I would be at D's house with a carry out from the off-licence, playing video games and having a laugh. Sometimes there could be three or four of us.

One particular Friday night, I was at D's, ready to play a new game that he'd bought that day, when he pondered out loud why I wasn't out with BW and FBS. I think this might have been around the time that things had gotten physical with FBS and I was a) trying to keep it secret and b) figure out what it was that I, and FBS, wanted. Of course, D knew (FBS told him), but I don't know if he was trying to get me laid or working for FBS for whatever she wanted.

A memory that popped into mind as I was taking a stroll down memory lane by reading about my favourite video games from way back.