A-ha!

I found myself going through an old MSN conversation with A earlier this afternoon. I remembered us being quite open with each other, but the conversation was quite explicit. A was fresh off her "secret" relationship with the guy who was fucking K on the side. She was on match.com, trying out online dating, before online dating was actually a thing. Plus it was the early stages of her relationship with the guy who would become her husband, and who she couldn't get a read on at all.

It was notable for being around the time of a few interesting social nights that I might have blogged about before - a night out with G where we met some cute women and a night out with my sister and brother-in-law (and Friction Guy) where I met and had really intense chemistry with another cute woman. I'm almost sure I've blogged about the former, maybe not the latter though.

Anyway, A was being very explicit about a lot of things - her failed attempts to fuck the now-husband, her chesty Match.com photos, the now-husband's oral skills, her general horniness levels (the good weather gets her frisky), how great her tits were, and her concern that her holidays, the now-husband's holidays and her imminent period would take sex off the table for at least a month.

I'd completely forgotten that she was that forthright about stuff. But that kind of stuff never fazes me and unlike UHSW who was testing boundaries when we first started talking, I think A just liked that she could talk about whatever she wanted without pushing me away simply because she was talking about, for example, her period.

What if...

I'm blaming the booze for a weird dream I had last night. It was a scenario that I've dreamed and blogged about before: the weekend I originally met USHW. I think I blogged about a recent version of the dream that involved both USHW and K. Last night's dream just involved K.

It was a bit of a "What if?" scenario. I've already blogged many times about how K and I had hooked up, how she wanted to properly date whereas I just wanted something casual and how that effectively ended our friendship.

Well, in the dream last night, we had gone down the casual route, meeting every few months in cities across the UK for fun. As a result of that, in this alternative universe, USHW was never offered the opportunity to share the hotel room. And so when the weekend rolled round, it was K who shared the hotel room even if she wasn't attending the social event that required the hotel room.

It was kinda weird. Despite over analysing things at times (you should see some of the conversations between USHW and me when I was trying to bed Sports Girl), what might have happened with K is something I've never really revisited. I've no idea what "something casual" might have looked like with her.

So, it was a bit of a frustrating morning, but I do like the reminiscing sometimes. 

Romance is in the air...

I woke this morning thinking about K. Or rather an old MSN conversation with F about K. F was congratulating me on keeping my distance from K one weekend we were all in Glasgow. This would have been roughly six months after I had sex with K and she a) demanded a relationship and b) refused to accept that my reasons for not wanting to go down that route were genuine, despite being told by friends (specifically F) that they were completely valid.

K was adamant that she was going to bed me. She never said that to me directly - that was a conversation she had with F. And if memory serves, I don't actually recall her making any obvious move that weekend. If it weren't for her behaviour as described above, I'd have gladly gone to bed with her again. She had talked a good game any time we'd discussed sex. But I wasn't doing it when she was pushing for something that I couldn't, and wouldn't, give her.

So errr... Happy Valentine's Day, yeah?

Looking back.

I thought I'd already posted about this before, but this young lady, Ellie Littlechild, keeps popping up in videos that are suggested to me in my YouTube feed. Not a cause for comment or even posting, but she gives me massive K vibes. It's in that vague, squint and they kinda look alike way and they have a similar figure. Plus, there's also the fact she presents film-related videos, and K was a massive film nerd. She possibly still is.

I can't find any pictures where the young lady above gives me those K vibes, but I'm a visual person, so you get pictures because I can.

Zzz

My sleep this week has been awful. Is it a change in the weather? That sometimes plays havoc with my sleep patterns. Is it being back at work after 2 weeks off? That doesn't help either. Nor does having to get up at 7 AM for a rare day in the office, like yesterday.

Anyway, there were several dreams last night in between bouts of being awake. K feature in a dream, as did BW, though I have no recollection of the actual dream content, just that they featured. BR might have featured too.

So, with three nights of poor sleep behind me, I am really struggling this afternoon. Roll on the weekend. 

Dream a trois.

I didn't sleep well last night. It was after 4 AM before I finally dropped off to sleep, but I woke this morning to the end of a dream that I think I've had before in various flavours. It's actually based off a real life incident from back in 2005.

In real life, the people from the online hobby met up in London one weekend. During that weekend, USHW and I shared a room and a bed. Originally it was meant to be F, but she had to pull out for reasons I can't remember. Anyway, on the Saturday night, after we'd parted with everyone else at the pub, we got back to the hotel and were chatting in our room.

Someone started knocking on the door - it was a woman from the online hobby. I'd never met her before this day nor had I communicated with her, but she was friends with a guy that I sorta knew.

Anyway, we invited her in, we chatted and drank for a bit before I went to sleep. The next day, when USHW and I were talking, we decided that she'd come looking for a hookup with me and got blind-sided by us sharing a room. 

That's what happened in real life. In the dream, it wasn't the blonde woman who knocked on the door, but K. I ended up having a threesome with USHW and K and we all fell asleep contented. K woke me early the next morning, dragged me to the shower and fucked me. I dried off, leaving K to her shower and returned to bed where USHW was stirring.

When K left the bathroom to get dressed, I was going down on USHW. K got angry/jealous, hurriedly dressed herself and left and that's where the dream ended.

In real life, USHW and I never had sex. I had fucked K on another occasion that I think is pretty well documented on this blog. However, I have had variations of that dream before with different women. So I was in a combo mood this morning of being super-tired and super-horny and that's made me super-grumpy.

Oh, K.

A bit of a weird dream last night that involved K and KfW2. Specifically, it involved KfW2 heavily suggesting that I sleep with K, off the back of K and KfW2 having a girly chat. 

I suspect that I did, though I don't remember that bit actually being part of the dream. And it ended the same was as it did in real life: K wanted to take it further, I couldn't give that to her and we stopped being friends. 

KfW2 was apologetic and explained that K never suggested that was wanted anything other than just something physical.

And then KfW2 and I went out for dinner and drinks, KfW2's treat to apologise for what happened.

Remember when?

I was bored at work and spent the afternoon re-reading some email conversations with USHW from back in the day. Specifically, the interactions with Ideas Girl when she was drunk and supposedly flirting and the period of time after Sports Girl admitted she "liked" me.

It was kind of bittersweet. I really enjoyed my conversations with USHW for starters.  The Ideas Girl chat was funny, even though she was really quite rude. I recall sharing one such chat with KfW2 who suggested that I "bone her and get it out of your system". When I suggested that I don't something like that before and it didn't work out well (K), I was surprised that she didn't ask follow-up questions.

Just stuff.

FA2 featured in a dream last night. I don't recall exact details, but I was travelling. I was in New Zealand, I think, and generally pottering about. FA2 was with me but I don't really recall why.

And maybe K featured too. I don't remember any details of the dreamt hat featured K, but for some reason she was on my mind when the alarm went off this morning.

Doing the do.

I dreamed of K last night. I don't know what prompted it, but in the dream, we never drifted apart after sleeping together and instead formed a great FwB thing. We'd visit each other every few months and do what FwBs do, and it was all very chill and fun.

There didn't seem to be a point or a conclusion to the dream. I woke before anything like that happened, if it was even going to, but my sleep quality last night was awful.

20 years.

Today is the 20th anniversary of the London bombings. A day that I spent trying to get a hold of G who worked and lived in London at that time. Luckily he was OK, but as a coincidence, that was a day he'd forgotten his phone and left it in the house. He walked past the scene of one of the bombings only 15 minutes earlier.

I also received a snotty message on MSN from K who seemed miffed that I'd not been trying to contact her to find out how she was.

"Yes, Ruuude. I'm fine. Nice of you to ask," was what she had messaged. Or at least that's close to it. She was nowhere near any of the trouble. I knew that. She knew that I knew that. ho hum. Women, eh?

HBK

Facebook tells me it's K's birthday today, so Happy Birthday, K.

Shame you were bonkers, and a recent re-reading of some MSN conversations with F only re-enforces that, otherwise we coulda had a lot more fun.

Out of the blue.

For reasons that I don't understand, K popped into my head yesterday while I was feeling more than a little raunchy. I don't know why it was K over anyone else, but it was. I can't remember the last time I interacted with her. It's been at least 15 years since we had a conversation, but undoubtedly there'll be some kind of social media interaction more recently than that - a comment left, or something.

So I had a few memories of fucking K, and a wistful "what if" of what might have happened had she not gone full tilt into "I want a relationship".

But still... K?

Wet dreams.

I had a dream last night involving K, travelling to New Zealand and my neighbours from the back of the house that I've not met. The details are fuzzy, but I travelled to NZ for some espionage thing. I met my back neighbours, one of whom was an attractive woman in her early 30s (this is not the case IRL) and we hit it off over drinks by a random pool, only for K to arrive and ruin everything.

She did, though, talk me into taking her to my hotel room before things got physical in the shower.

I woke this morning somewhat frustrated (I've been low-key horny all week tbh) but also had that travel bug too.

The K thing is interesting as I can't remember the last time I thought of her, never mind sexually. Several aspects of the dream semi-mirrored real life - she deliberately hunted out women that I was chatting to online within my online hobby, including inviting herself to my home town when another friend was visiting. This was all done to ascertain if anything was going on with them. The online hobby did create its own set of dalliances, though that wasn't my thing.    

And she was a huge fan of shower sex. We never actually fucked in the shower, but she made plenty of references to it when I was trying to get her to consider a FwB thing.

Thinking back.

I'm having a side conversation with a guy I know from my online gaming circle. He's just shared some information about some recruiters calling him with jobs they think he might be interested in. One is in Bristol.

I voiced my appreciation of Bristol and explained that I had some really good memories of being in Bristol. Specifically, I'm thinking of E, and the times I'd fly over to visit her. We'd get drunk, play pool, and I'd spend some time trying to figure out if I just really enjoyed her company or if I had romantic feelings for her. I'm still not sure that I've ever come to a definitive decision on that, by the way.

But the damage was done. I went off into a little daydream of memories of visiting E, and I miss her. I can't wait til the summer when she'll be home. Hopefully, I'll get her out at least once for drinks.

The Bristol connection also has me thinking about K, who made a rare appearance on my Facebook timeline a day or two ago.

How low will you go?

A question was posed on a forum I frequent that asked the question about the shortest person we've dated. I can think of three women offhand (if we're taking "dating" in a very loose interpretation): QC1, K and Recruitment Bird.

QC1 was 4'11"

I think K was the same height. 

I don't know exactly how tall RB was, but I remember her being very short. Sub five foot? I dunno, but it was close.

And that provoked some nice, some frustrating memories.

Oh, K.

Out of the blue, I dreamed about K last night. It was a very adult dream if you catch my drift. I was passing through the town where she lives. We bumped into each other, went for a drink and one thing led to another. We adjourned back to my hotel and enjoyed each other all night long.

It's the first time I've thought of K in I don't know how long. It's the first time in ages I can remember a dream and it's the first time in ages that I've had a sex-focused dream.

I will always be disappointed in how and why our friendship faded away, but I am still adamant that most of the blame lies with K herself if you want to call it that.

Deja Vu.

I'm thinking about buying a new PC, so I am doing a tidy-up of my personal files. As part of this, I was going through some old photos, and I came across the ones I took in April 2005 when I met friends in London from my online hobby. I met USHW for the first time. R appeared as well, which I think surprised a lot of people. Actually, if I recall correctly, R turned up primarily to see me, which was a journey in itself for her. Thankfully, K had disappeared by that stage. I don't think seeing me getting along well with numerous women would have gone down well with her.

Anyway... I wasn't here to post about my reminiscing about a great weekend. It was to post that a blonde woman who was at the same event really reminded me of Chloe. 

Frustration.

Over the last week or so, I've had a series of recurring dreams. They're sexual in nature and all follow the same broad theme - I meet someone and we adjourn to a hotel room. We have lots of sex. I don't remember exact details like the hotel or the circumstances around meeting the women.

I do remember the women though. FBS, K and CAB have all featured at least once. I don't think there were any others.

While I wouldn't say that I never have sexual dreams, it's unusual that I'd have a series of dreams like this within a short period of time. And it's making me wake in the morning, a lot more frustrated than I usually wake.

Dream on. Not me.

The recent post where I explained that F had shared that K had accused me of leading her on has caused some further pondering.

I know we're talking about a series of events that happened twenty years ago, but I can safely say that I did not lead her on. We were friends. In all of our interactions, no boundaries were crossed. In person, I was not inappropriate in terms of conversation topics or physical touch, that I can recall. There was no flirting.

There may have been one conversation when K was pondering about how an ex-boyfriend wouldn't have sex with her as much as she wanted, and I suggested that blow jobs were always a good starting point versus her stance of trying to look sultry. I'm pretty sure that this would have been pre-sex with K, but it was suggested matter of factly, she seemed to agree that she should have been more proactive and the conversation moved on.

That may have been the catalyst for K pretty much jumping on me at the hostel, kissing me and grinding in my lap for an indeterminate amount of time before breathily telling me that she wanted us to have sex. But until that point, I had given practically zero thought to K as anything other than a friend.

And, even afterwards, I made no suggestion about a relationship beyond being physical after we'd had sex. So if she got anything in her head that I was leading her in a direction prior to her jumping on me, then that was all her doing.

I don't know why I felt the need to go into all that, dear reader, but I actually feel a little better for it. So thank you for reading.