Random thoughts.

When I was younger, I had a crush on Louise Nurding (Redknapp). Most of my male friends did, to be fair.

Imagine my surprise when I was told that she may have had an account on Plenty of Fish since her breakup with her husband. It's not that she would be online dating, but I would have thought she might have used something a little more up-market and exclusive.

Just thinking.

Twelve years ago, probably to the minute, I was in the air somewhere, on my way to visit, amongst others, E. Tellingly, while I was going to be in FA2's neighbourhood, I never let her know. She was history then, though to this day we're still Facebook friends. The fact this popped into my head is because it's a leap year. I landed on 29th February.

It was a trip that nearly changed my life. Both FA2 and E had emigrated to that specific place because of me. FA2 had adopted a dream/goal of mine when she was originally looking to take a career break and had no ideas of her own. E had listened to me extol the virtues of that country for years prior to her desire to emigrate, so when she made the decision to go, I was the major influence.

FA2 never admitted as much, but E admitted the last time she was home that I was the reason she left. No, hang on. I was the reason she picked where to go. Yes, that's better.

And that's got me thinking about both E and travel again. Sigh.

Dreams... again.

I woke this morning, not dis-similarly to yesterday. Again, no dreams to prompt my train of thought, though I'm pretty sure it's related to the book I'm currently reading: "The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August". It's similar to one of my favourites books, "Replay". Both have roughly the same theme - what if you could live your life over and over again, with knowledge of what had gone before?

That prompted, much like yesterday, a half-dream-half-memory of pieces of my life, specifically romantic encounters (and lack thereof) around my late teens and early twenties including a couple of crushes from school, CAB, QC1 and QC2.

Getting out of bed was a struggle, as was going into the office. It's a miserable day here - wet and windy. I'd far rather be in bed having a lie-in.

Dream a little dream

I woke early this morning. Early enough to doze off for a bit, but not to actually get out of bed and late enough not to get back to sleep properly.

In this twilight doze, I found myself thinking about CAB for some reason. She hadn't been on my mind previously, nor had I been dreaming about her. But in the half hour between dozing off and actually getting out of bed, I reminisced about that period when I met CAB, but also when I travelled to Europe to visit AM, QC1 and another friend (who I might have posted about on here previously).

I had thought that I was over my crush on QC1 at that stage, and I had a fully developed crush on the other friend by this time, but arriving in town, when QC1 threw herself at me, platonically, old feelings started stirring.

AM was fully aware of my feeling towards both QC1 and the other friend, and she quizzed me during the course of my stay about them. She was super-surprised when I shared that I'd met CAB and shared that, although we'd only met a couple of times and had one official date, she was someone I liked and saw it lasting.

When I told QC1 about CAB, she wanted to know all the details.

It didn't last, as regular readers will know, but that was due to CAB leaving rather than any difficulties between us. We were no longer an item when AM, QC1 etc. returned from their year abroad.

However, it was a pleasant memory and I've had worse starts to the day.

Memories

I've mentioned before that when I worked with QC2 and Friction Guy, we would sometimes socialise together. It was out of the ordinary in our office. I don't recall other teams or even people within other teams doing anything similar. But I've always been someone to bring people together.

But, come Friday afternoon, at clocking off time, maybe once a month, we'd head into the toilets to get changed out of our office clothes into jeans and whatever else we wore. QC2 would return with a touch of makeup on, looking stunning.

And we'd have brilliant nights out.

The last night we had was long after I'd left. QC2 sent me a message and asked me to come out for her leaving party. We went out, we partied and we ended up back at QC2's house, with Friction Guy and talked until sunrise the next morning. A really good night and the last time the three of us were together.

I left and walked back to FA2's, sliding into bed beside her just as she was waking up.

A memory, or series of memories, that popped into my head this morning after talking to KfW2, who was asking about QC2 and my suspicion about her having a child.

Dreams

This past week, my stomach problem has been ever-present. I've suffered from it since my late teens, but there's never been a diagnosis as to the root cause. I can see no real pattern - the usual suspects of coffee, spicy food and alcohol can cause it to flare but it's not a guarantee that they do.

That's an aside - it caused me to wake last night, around 3 AM. When I got back to sleep last night, I had a vivid dream. I met a girl. We hit it off. We were still in the early period where we'd only had a couple of dates (including one on Christmas Day, strangely) and not slept together, but it was looking good. I was comfortable with her, she clearly liked me and any interaction with friends and family was positive.

We were leading up to our third or fourth date, she had invited me to hers for a home-cooked meal... and then I woke up.

There have been times recently where dreams have shaken me or caused me to be in a confused mood all day, but not to this extent. It seemed so real - the feeling of chemistry with the girl in question, the excitement of starting something with someone new... all of it.

It's a feeling I don't remember having since... well.. probably since meeting Recruitment Bird. CB didn't invoke these feelings (probably since there was no actual meeting or anything to start) and Date No. 1 was over before it had a chance to go anywhere.

Coincidence.

As it happens, in my small little world, life overlaps. Stalky Guy knows S, for example. So when I was telling Stalky Guy about my night out with The Crowd last week and S's admission that he was dating someone new, Stalky Guy was naturally inquisitive.

When I explained in more detail about what S had shared/confessed, Stalky Guy got quite excited. Apparently a friend of his had spotted some interaction between S and a female on Facebook and had put two and two together and gotten four. Stalky Guy knows S's new girlfriend. S and his new girlfriend seemingly have a lot of history.

Stalky Guy gushed - she was very attractive, athletic. He mentioned her name. Her first name is not a common name, though it's not rare either.

But I had recently seen a very attractive, athletic girl on Tinder with the same first name. Could it be?

A quick Facebook stalk later and...

Yes.

If memory serves, she last popped up on Tinder about a month ago. Around the time that S claims they started dating...

Double meanings.

Swiping through Tinder and an extremely attractive blonde lady pops up. Around my age. Interesting, and funny, bio. And quite a few pictures, too! This is all very good. She looks good in jeans, dressed up, in sporty gear... Oh, what's this? A picture of her crawling on the floor, away from the camera, naked, with a tactically placed emoji? That seems off with the rest of the pictures and blurb. Let me re-read.

Hmmm. I guess this can be read in a couple of different ways, but you probably wouldn't think of the second way unless you saw the last picture.

Is she just looking for fun? Is she a prostitute?

I swiped right.

Ooooh.

"She has a great figure" whispered KfW2 conspiratorially to me earlier.

I looked about, initially confused as to whom she was referring. It was one of CC's friends. I'd actually heard KfW2 make this comment before.

What she meant was:

"She's got a great rack"

At least, that's what I thought she meant. The girl in question did have big boobs. But a great body? I'm not sure I would agree.

IMO. KfW2 has a great figure. In my mind, that means that it all ties in together, in proportion, without one aspect being too big or too small. For example, RB had a great body, though she was much slimmer than KfW2 and not as tall... petite actually, but it was all in proportion.

I nodded my agreement, but really I was already drifting off into a daydream of women I know with great figures.

Hurrah!

It looks like the past few years of hard work have paid off and that I am finally going to get that promotion that I been looking for. That promotion that I believe I have deserved for the past three years.

I'll get a pay rise - nothing earth shattering, but enough that I'll notice a little, and a bonus that will let me treat myself.

It's not the end. I'm still not at the level that my responsibilities, never mind my actual performance, dictate, but it's a little bit of a relief. I don't know that I could have continued fighting.

Getting this one gives me faith that I can take a step forward and get the next one. KfW2 (the only person I've confessed to so far) has been gushing in her praise. She's worked beside me for years, so has seen how much I've given. She's also said it was about time and made some comments about my bosses that are not for family ears. Hah.

Wanderlust

Whilst watching "Lost in Translation" I have an overwhelming sense of two things: a desire to travel and a loneliness.

I'd love to see Tokyo and just generally travel... but specifically have enough money that I can fly first class, stay in nice hotels etc. plus it would scratch an itch for an adventure. I think the recent news from E made me think about visiting her again. I had always planned to go out again, but I'd assumed it would be for her wedding.

The loneliness thing came out of nowhere. I don't know why the film has stirred up this, but the melancholy seems oddly fitting for a Sunday night.

Still, Scarlett Johansson in a pink wig is a welcome distraction, and the film is excellent too.

Elementary.

In between arranging out night out last night, S said something that sounded suspicious to me. Well, not suspicious per se, but something didn't add up.

So, while we were out last night and with The Crowd in tow, I asked him outright:

"Who was the girl you were out with last night?"

He looked confused.

"Where did you see me?"

"Who says I saw you?" I replied.

He confessed to being on a date. It was an old friend from school. They'd hooked up in the middle of last year, lost touch again and bumped into each other at the cinema at Christmas.

They've been dating for about a month or so, he claimed.

That's annoying. S and CC were the only two people I know who could realistically accompany me to a speed dating night, and I extremely unlikely to go on my own. So S is now dating someone and CC is really not in a good place at the moment.

Still, it was the first time we'd all been out as a group in months, and I had a really good time. I should be at my sister's right now, but I fancy a quiet day in front of the telly. I don't get hangovers after a drinking session, but I do get lethargic from a lack of decent sleep.

Hurrah!

I've managed to talk The Crowd into going out for drinks this weekend. S has asked that we go out on Saturday, as Friday is another night out for him. I'm happy enough with Saturday. It's been a long, long time since I was out on a Saturday night and I'm really looking forward to it.

However, GM has suggested that there's another storm due in, so we'll have to play it by ear on where we go etc.

It'll be good to see everyone again.

Hello!

I finally bit the bullet today and messaged CC. She was on my mind because JB was asking about her yesterday. I've not gleaned much information from CC - I'm not sure how intrusive my questioning should be and it's difficult to have a conversation over text - but I have gotten her to agree to dinner soon.

I should point out that you're probably thinking that I could phone her... and you're right. Kinda. CC is someone I don't find easy to talk to. Even KfW2 has confided that she finds CC awfully hard work, conversation-wise.

Going back to dinner, it all depends on CC. She suffering from gastritis at the moment that's not showing any signs of getting better, but she promised that when she's feeling better, she'll be in contact and we'll grab something to eat.

Coincidence?

So... only a few days after I last  posted about QC2 and mentioned to KfW2 about the suspected baby, QC2 actually updated her Facebook profile picture to be the one I mention in this post. Talk about coincidence!

Ew!

Over the past day or so, I've been trying to arrange a night out with FBS, D, Friction Guy etc. It's a little more difficult these days, what with FBS and D working jobs that have shift work rather than the typical 9-5 office jobs.

As part of the conversation, FBS let slip that she was potentially having surgery in March. However, that wasn't the bombshell. It was eye surgery.

I am extremely squeamish about eyes and even something as trivial as an eye test is a cause for major concern on my part.

So we spent the afternoon, in group chat, teasing each other. FBS, giving out details of her potential surgery and general eye stuff, and me linking to stupid things like this supposedly poor Jessica Alba film. I say "supposedly poor" because, despite my massive crush on Ms Alba, nothing on this earth (including a tryst with Ms Alba) would make me want to watch a film about eyes and eye transplants. A horror film at that. A big load of "nope" there.

We're still none the wiser about nailing down a date, but at least the eye chat has stopped. Phew.

Here's a photo of Jessica Alba just to make me feel better:

Questions, answered?

I posted a while ago that I had a suspicion that QC2 had become a mother. Amusing and interesting because of the fact that when we were close (and in our mid-20s), she was adamant that she didn't want kids.

Even when we were both older, before we lost touch with each other, she still didn't want kids. We'd spoken about it a few times. I'd shared my theory that I'd maybe not been as pro-active as I might have been in meeting people because I had no interest in starting a family. Well, meeting people for a relationship, that is.

Obviously, that's not the sole reason - there are plenty of others - my chronic social anxiety/shyness is probably the main reason. But in my 20s and early 30s, I was happy doing short term dating and having the odd one night stand. A proper relationship wasn't really in my sights (though I wasn't actively avoiding one either as my time with FA2 will attest).

Getting back to the point at hand, I was browsing through the Facebook photos of a local Parkrun - a friend of mine had recently run his 200th race and had been tagged on Facebook. Lo and behold, who should I see in one of the photos, but QC2. Not just QC2 though. QC2 and a pram.

Looks like my suspicions were true!

Just wondering.

I can't say that there are a lot, if any, advantages of being semi-active on online dating sites and apps for a prolonged period of time. Actually, just the apps... it's been a long time since I had a member ship of PoF or Match.com.

However, as I may have said in previous posts, there are some faces that do pop up again on a semi-regular or infrequent basis - my sister's athletic, hot, school friend, a couple of local semi-celebrities and others.

Sometimes, when bored, I wonder why they keep popping up. There's one girl who pops up in my feed probably twice a week (when I am more active). How does she do this? You need to reset your account, I believe, to show up again. Why does she do this?

Another girl who seems to pop up every now and again is this cute, blonde girl with a good figure who's only a year or so younger than I am. We've never matched sadly (I always swipe right), but she tends to disappear for a while - presumably dating - before re-appearing. And repeat.

I'd not seen this girl probably for a year and a half at least, when she popped up on my Tinder feed again... this time her profile was slightly different.

She still likes playing pool, but her time is now limited due to there being a one year old to look after.

Active on dating sites roughly eighteen months ago... goes off the radar... reappears with a one year old. Certainly gives you* something to ponder.

*Well, me. It gives me something to ponder.

Ouch

I was running for the bus this morning - probably no more than fifty metres - and I nearly didn't make it. My Achilles tendons, in both legs, were extremely sore. It's a problem I've had before, years ago. I can't remember exactly when, but probably around 2012 sometime.

I can recall talking to KfW2 about my sexy physiotherapist (and she was), because that's what it took to get the problem sorted. Well, physiotherapy and plenty of stretching. If I recall correctly, it's not a tendon problem per se, but more a general tightness around my lower legs - calves, tendons etc. all of which present itself as pain when I try and run.

I don't have any issues walking or cycling, just running.

So I'm going to have to start doing a lot more stretching of my legs (well, I could do with stretching in general), and maybe then seeing about more physiotherapy if stretching alone isn't fixing the problem.

Maybe I could get MMBF to run her hands up and down my legs?

OMG!

Fuck.

E replied to a message I sent a few days ago. I didn't say much... I was just trying to set up a video call as we've not had a proper chat in months. I feel really guilty about that, since KfW2 asked if I'd spoken to her recently.

She dropped a bombshell in her opening sentence.

She's split with her partner of around ten years. She hasn't been happy in some time, she claims. I'm not doubting her, but she never mentioned anything when she was last home, under a year ago.

I don't have any more details right now. I don't want to have this conversation via snatched Facebook messages,  so I will try and get something sorted - a proper phone call, Skype... something.

I wish she lived closer. I think she could do with a night on the town. or maybe I just want to relive old days and go out on the lash with E? they were always good times.

Sigh.

Another dream, semi-remembered but one that definitely left me feeling off-kilter for most of the day.

In the dream, I was dating a girl that I knew at school. In real life, she was extremely attractive, but while I appreciated her looks, I don't know if you could call it a crush. I have also seen her naked, by accidentally stumbling into the wrong room at a house party where she was sleeping on a bed, with no clothes on. She did have an amazing figure, so this was quite the eyeful. We ended up becoming sort of friends when she ended up dating a friend of mine after we had left school.

Anyway, back to the dream. I was dating this girl and it was going very well. She was ticking all of the boxes. I was in a group of people trying to do a favour for my dad, by calling in lots of other favours. KfW2 was there, being extremely helpful and her usual friendly self.

All of a sudden, without anyone saying or doing anything, I knew that KfW2 wanted to be with me. I could see it by the way she looked at me.

KfW2 and this other girl left together and came back a while later, but before anything else happened, I woke up.

It was an extremely vivid dream, and I think that's part of the reason that it's knocked me sideways all day.

It's the weird dreams like this that I always wonder what it is my head's trying to unravel.

I was pre-occupied all day long, working with Stalky Guy and Brusque Guy, which left me exhausted due to eight hours of constant negativity, but on the bus home, a girl who kinda looks like Anna Kendrick (with a touch of Quiet Girl and CAB) smiled at me, seemingly for no reason other than we made eye contact. That properly made my day.

Blast from the past.

I slept in last night, mostly due to not feeling tired and not going to be until late by pottering about. As such, I was getting a later bus into work this morning. There was a familiar face at the bus stop, but it took me a while to place her.

Years ago, when I met E at our mutual place of work, there was a girl who was older than I was (I only bring age into it because I was a good 5 years older than anyone else there). She was difficult to get along with and she was always negative. She was also the older sister of a guy I went to school with.

Regardless, it was her who I saw at the bus stop this morning, still as miserable as usual. I don't know if she recognised or remembered me, but she showed no sign of it. I was glad because I was still tired and in no mood to be polite with someone who used to be hard work.

Still, I must message E and let her know.

Out and about.

It was the first work thing of the year and despite a plan to come home early after doing a bit of mingling, it was nearly midnight when I finally got to bed.

Midnight's not that late, but when you've been in the pub from before 5 PM, then it's late enough.

Nerdy Girl turned up and we spent all evening chatting.

She was complaining about not having any sex in a while. Well, it was briefly mentioned a few times in passing, but it was notable as we've never actually talked about anything like that before.

As I was enjoying myself, then I stayed out longer than I was meant to. I didn't want to get too drunk because I am meant to be meeting FP tonight, which we arranged last week.

I woke this morning needing The Cure, which hasn't happened in a long time.