What?

A bit of a weird dream last night. It featured KfW2 quite significantly. In the dream, she kept inviting me to social and work events but would never explain why. At these events, she wouldn't really spend any time with me.

Eventually I caved and pulled her to one side.

"What's going on? Are you OK?"

She hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"I just need to you be here, watching. I don't trust these people."

And then the dream switches to another social event with KfW2.

And it ended about there.

For some reason, it really shook me for reasons I don't fully understand. I know that, in the dream, KfW2 was really concerned about something and wanted my help, even if she was being vague about it. But is that it? As I said, I can't really put my finger on how it made me feel, just that I was feel off as a consequence. Illogically concerned and worried about her, even if it was just a dream.

What?

Every morning for the past few days, I've woken up thinking about K. I don't recall any dreams, though my sleep has been excellent, mainly due to spending all day being busy with the fallout from the family stuff.

And not thinking about K in any other way other than sexual, recalling the night we had sex and the weekend in Scotland where she allegedly tried for a repeat. 

I would have gladly slept with her again if she hadn't been carrying round that determination that we'd eventually be a couple, and I do sometimes wonder what she would have been like in bed, with time, comfort and privacy; three things we didn't really have when we fucked. I think we could have had a really good time.

I'm a little confused why I'm thinking about K and why it's purely sexual and why I have been uncontrollably horny this week. That's the last thing I expected after the family stuff.

Free failing.

Another recurring dream of mine last night: that I'd failed my university exams. It's always university exams, never GCSEs or A-Levels. And the dream's always the same: I know I've failed them, I was totally under-prepared and I have to sit there while my peers celebrate their exams.

The relief when I wake and realise that my university years were 30 years ago and I'll likely never have to sit an actual exam ever again is palpable.

When I have recurring dreams like this, I always remember back to FBS's house. She had a book about understanding dreams. On her bedside cabinet? Beside the sofa in the living room? I can't recall the exact details.

Apparently a dream about failing exams usually means you feel anxious, stressed, or underprepared for a challenge in your waking life. 

Urgh. FFS.

More poor quality sleep and a dream that felt more like a memory than anything else... purely because a lot of the dream did take place. It involved FBS and I having a slot of sex. And that was pretty much the dream.

In real life, we'd been to the pub, she'd asked me back to hers afterwards, we'd kissed on the sofa which escalated, she asked me to stay, I agreed, we went to bed, fucked, fell asleep and spent most of the next day in bed going through another couple of rounds. Late afternoon, I eventually left to go home, shower and change before heading out to the pub again. 

And that was pretty much the dream, except we were a lot more adventurous in the dream than we had been in real life.

Going back to the real life aspect of my memory/dream, we might have repeated the same feat that second evening, too. There was definitely a weekend where we did just have sex and go to the bar, but whether that's the night of this dream, I can't say. And because it was the middle of Winter - mid-January, I think - I don't think I saw daylight for nearly three days.

So not only am I still exhausted after nearly a week of rotten quality sleep, I'm now uncontrollably horny, too.  

Date for your Diary.

The poor quality sleep continues, as does the remembered dreams. This time, there's a festival in my hometown. I'm out with friends, enjoying the vibe and who sits beside us in the bar? Anna Kendrick. Obviously, I have a huge crush on her, so I'm chatting away, making small talk and it looks like she's actually enjoying herself and our company.

Then this faceless, unidentified, guy comes over and tries to butt into out conversation. I'm annoyed, but AK is trying to be nice, but this isn't working in getting the guy to leave.

And that's kinda the tone for the entire dream. I'm chatting with AK, we move from bar to bar, enjoying the festival, trying to get a feel for what she might say if I ask her on a date and the same, faceless guy keeps appearing to ruin the vibe we have, presumably by trying to get AK on a date. 

The dream ends when I wake up without any resolution. I don't have my date with AK, but neither does the random guy.

Dreamy

Two different dreams to report from last night. The first involved travel to Canada, but the details are now vague. I don't think it featured anyone I know or any celebrities nor can I remember any specific scene... just that it involved travel to rural Canada.

I woke up in the middle of the night, so that was it for that particular dream.

The second dream is again quite vague, but it featured some kind of underground community - think Zion in the Matrix films.  Like the first dream, I don't think it featured anyone specific, though some people might have been mashups of people I know. I'm pretty sure one unidentified person was a mashup of KfW2 and CB - I came out of it with a sense of familiarity rather than being able to identify specific people.

But two different dreams and more than a little weird. 

Things that make you go "hmmm"...

Hot on the heels of my sex dream featuring CC a few days back, I had another one last night. This time it featured KfW2. Maybe calling it a sex dream is a bit much, but it did involve KfW2 and I being in a relationship. Sex wasn't the focus of the dream, though there were scenes where we were in bed, naked, and sex was implied. The focus was KfW2 trying to get me to open up, to communicate and to vocalise my feelings for her.

However, no matter how many times I told her that I loved her, she couldn't hear it or refused to acknowledge that I'd said the words. 

While CC's appearance in a sex dream was bemusing, KfW2's appearance is causing a little more confusion. I know that sex dreams aren't literal, but that still doesn't stop me from being concerned about KfW2's appearance in last night's dream.

In real life, KfW2 has made a couple of comments about the fact I've not told her that I love her as much as she thinks I should. Maybe it's just me, but while I have said it to her and meant it, telling someone else's wife that I love them on a regular basis, even platonically, doesn't sit right with me.

My friendship with KfW2 is very special to me, it's extremely important to me and I know that it's not something that's common: a single guy being close to a married woman. I know people have raised eyebrows that we've gone to the pub and gotten drunk together or that I've stayed overnight at her house while her husband was away. I'm not even talking about strangers who barely know us but people who've met us both, like CH, for example. 

I know CH was always intrigued by my friendship with KfW2, specifically that it was very much a two-way friendship and that KfW2 was as much a driver for us doing dinner and drinks as I was. This was obviously in stark contrast to my friendship with CH. My brother-in-law was surprised when I'd said that I'd been at KfW2's one evening for drinks while her husband was out with his friends, and he didn't return home until lunchtime the next day. 

So, yeah, I love that KfW2 wants me to tell her that I love her even if it doesn't always sit right with me, because it reminds me that she cares.

But really, the events in the dream better mirror my relationship with FA2. We weren't great communicators, though FA2 might argue that she was (she wasn't). I didn't vocalise my feelings towards her as often as she wanted, though from my perspective, I always thought my actions should have said enough. She needed to hear the words though. And one aspect of the dream rang true: I did say the words. She claims I never did.

It's safe to say that I'm a little confused this morning, the dream has thrown me a little, and I miss KfW2. 

WTF?

I had a dream last night where CC and I went on a city break somewhere. Nothing out of the ordinary in that. CC features in dreams occasionally, travel features in dreams quite often. What doesn't feature in dreams or thoughts in general is me and CC having sex.

But that was a large part of last night's dream.

CC is attractive. Physically, she ticks boxes: brunette, tall, great figure. But I don't think I've ever thought about her from a sexual perspective. Her personality always deflects from her obvious physical characteristics. Maybe a dream before? But never an actual conscious thought. Not that it concerns me... I'm a little bemused by it.

But last night's dream has given me though about travelling. 

Q?

Back in the day, when USHW and I used to have our conversations via email, we would often ask direct questions of each other. Sometimes they were personal in nature and sometimes they were just random nonsense, like:

"You wake up one Friday morning and found that you were in a bloke's body and you somehow knew that you'd transform back being to being female on Sunday night, what would you do for the weekend?"

But I had a dream last night. I can't remember the details beyond waking up this morning and thinking "That'd be a brilliant Q for USHW".

But, like the dream, it rapidly faded and by the time I'd had breakfast, brushed my teeth, gone for a walk and returned home, the details were gone.

Hands on.

I can only remember some vague details about last night's dream, but it involved work. I started a new team and most of the people were new to me, except for two people: a guy I used to work with about ten years ago and QC3. Why QC3 popped up when I've not thought about her in years is a mystery, but appear she did.

While the work was my current job, the place where we were was an amalgamation of various offices I've worked in over the years. 

I was sitting on a bench and she walked through the door. She immediately saw me and came over to sit beside me. her opening sentence was something about owing me money and that she had the money to replay me for video games and trips we'd taken. She was also getting very handsy, suggesting something physical, though the dream ended before anything like that happened.

It must be the warm weather because my dreams have been very random recently. 

Starry eyed.

A bit of a weird dream last night: I was working in an old people's home that I think was owned and operated by my parents. For some inexplicable reason, several times a year, we needed to do some big work to a deadline - lots of admin and paperwork, some handiwork and decorating and things like that, but my Dad would always wait until the last minute and I'd get roped into helping him even though I disagreed with how he did things.

So far, not so weird and it did kind of mirror something that happened in real life. Where it gets weird is that the people who would drop in to help out would be A-list celebrities: Jennifer Lawrence, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake all featured. There were more, but I don't remember who else was there.

And it seemed that I was really friendly with both Jennifer Lawrence and Scarlett Johansson, generally chatting about all sorts including our respective careers and private lives. 

And... well, that's about it. 

Urgh.

I was invited to a family thing last evening, and I'd been looking forward to it for a while. But after the meal, we adjourned to a bar and I felt really off. Not ill or anything, but just something. I wasn't drunk - I only had like four drinks. But while I enjoyed myself, I was very antsy. I just don't know why.

I left, came home (quite early) and went straight to bed. I've been awake since just after 3 AM, and it's killing me. And I do feel a little off today, ina physical way. I don't know if there's something else going on or if it's the lack of sleep.

I also remember a very small portion of a dream where actress Kaley Cuoco was comforting me for some reason. She pulled me into her chest, then started kissing me. And that's all I can remember.

What?

I had the weirdest dream last night. In it, a close friend was murdered, but before he died, he gave me a piece of technology. And from then on, I was chased around my home city, movie-style, by archetypal bad guys in black Range Rovers. In many of the "scenes" in my dream, I was naked for seemingly no reason.

I woke up before the bad guys caught me but also before any kind of resolution (or I'd forgotten it). 

Oh no.

I had two separate dreams that involved KfW2 last night. I think they both followed the same kind of them. In the first, we were at a party. I might have been hosting it. And I was trying to chat to KfW2, but she was proving elusive. If I tried to make my way across the room, she'd be gone by the time I got there. If I tried to talk to her, she'd make an excuse to be somewhere else or talk to someone else. And a general feeling of us becoming more and more distant with each failed attempt to talk.

I woke early this morning, around 6 AM, and tried to get back to sleep. I did eventually, around 7:30 AM, and had a similar dream, though these details are much more vague. I think I was in a caravan that I owned, KfW2 and her family were there, but I couldn't get talking to her for a number of reasons.

I was planning on calling KfW2 today anyway because of the aforementioned family stuff, but I think those dreams will mean I do make more of an effort to find the time.

Saturday Night... what?

A bit of a weird dream last night. Most of the details are gone, but it featured FA2, KfW2 and random stuff like being backstage at Saturday Night Live, with the cast and guest stars. FA2 and KfW2 seemed to know each other and be friendly and that sparked some jealousy on my part, but most of the other details are gone.

Dream Girl.

Last night was a bit of a strange mish-mash of dreams. Plenty of people featured, but the context around most of them has already faded. The one aspect of the dream that I do still, sort of, remember featured CH.

We were at a bar, chatting. I think I mentioned something about the number of people who had been convinced that KfW2 and I were dating over the years. Not people who knew us directly, but those who kinda, sorta knew us and saw us out and about together.

In the dream, CH said something like:

"Yeah, I get that. I often have to correct people about my relationship with a close friend." 

I looked at her.

"You, dummy." She punched my arm.

Then she pulled me in and gave me a long, lingering hug.

I think there was more to it, but that's the bit I remember.

I do miss CH sometimes, but I think that's more the ambiguous touching/flirting and my attraction to her that went on rather than who she was as a person or a friend. Or the fact that it was clear that she had feelings for me. I can't remember the last time I had that, and it would be nice if I had that again. As a friend, I don't think she brought that much to the table.

But here are a few photos of Alison Brie in her "squint and she kinda gives off CH vibes" era. (I think it's definitely the smile.)

 I think my head might have exploded had CH worn a dress like that second picture.

A two-fer.

For the past two nights, FA2 has featured in dreams. In Sunday night's dream, I was in the city where she lives and I was looking for her, but I never found her. In last night's dream, I was working in her city, but with my current workmates. On a work night out, she comes into the bar where we're drinking and I explain our history to my colleagues.

I've not thought about FA2 in a while, so featuring in two dreams in a row is interesting.

What if...

I'm blaming the booze for a weird dream I had last night. It was a scenario that I've dreamed and blogged about before: the weekend I originally met USHW. I think I blogged about a recent version of the dream that involved both USHW and K. Last night's dream just involved K.

It was a bit of a "What if?" scenario. I've already blogged many times about how K and I had hooked up, how she wanted to properly date whereas I just wanted something casual and how that effectively ended our friendship.

Well, in the dream last night, we had gone down the casual route, meeting every few months in cities across the UK for fun. As a result of that, in this alternative universe, USHW was never offered the opportunity to share the hotel room. And so when the weekend rolled round, it was K who shared the hotel room even if she wasn't attending the social event that required the hotel room.

It was kinda weird. Despite over analysing things at times (you should see some of the conversations between USHW and me when I was trying to bed Sports Girl), what might have happened with K is something I've never really revisited. I've no idea what "something casual" might have looked like with her.

So, it was a bit of a frustrating morning, but I do like the reminiscing sometimes. 

Dream a little dream.

I woken this morning to a semi-remembered dream. It was something that actually happened: a night out with MM and MMBF. They were out celebrating their birthdays (they were born only a few days apart), and MM messaged me and asked me to join them.

What happened in real life was that we chatted, MMBF added me on Facebook (or was it the other way around?), we moved to a different bar after the girls insisted I do many shots, MMBF went missing for about half an hour before reappearing, then MM and I got a taxi and went home.

In the dream, MMBF got very tactile and when MM suggested getting a taxi home, MMBF made it perfectly clear she wanted me to hang around.

I kinda woke up at that point.

I'd always wondered if MM had any ideas about that evening. M was nowhere to be seen, so it was puzzling why I got an invite out. I'd never been shy with M or MM about saying that I thought MMBF was attractive, though I think we all agreed she was too high maintenance for me. And at least one conversation from that evening was MM trying to talk MMBF into not talking to a guy that MMBF admitted was no good for her. So had she any plans for me and MMBF? She never admitted to anything and I never saw anything from MMBF to think that anything non-platonic was on the cards.

A pleasant start to Monday if nothing else, though. 

Walkin' and talkin'

Another night of broken sleep. That's been a factor recently. But another semi-remembered dream, this one featuring KfW2. In it, we were walking around an old European city. I don't know which one, but the weather was glorious and we were just chatting about general stuff.

I don't think there was an actual point or theme to the dream, but that's the general vibe I remember about it. It, as you might expect, reminded me of the nights where KfW2 and I would go out, drink heavily and chat.

I owe her a night out for her birthday. I should maybe try and pin her down for a date, though that's probably not going to be until after the Easter holidays.