Old skool.

I was browsing through USHW's blog today. Some of the old posts rock (i.e. the ones where I'm talked up, big time). While I do know the people involved in a lot of the posts, the acronyms have kinda stumped me. What the hell does SoNA, MA and SL(PB) mean?

Another dilemma...

So there's been a spate of recruitment going on around here in my area of expertise. A job with another company could get me about a £3K pay rise (to the market average for my position and experience), although that's all I really know at the moment.

My salary is well below average for my sector, so the idea of a £3K pay rise is tempting. However, where I work is quite relaxed and I'm quite happy (apart from the low salary) and the benefits are good - dental plan, private health, gym membership amongst other things. The thing is (and this is where the dilemma part comes in because until now it's a no-brainer, right?) if things go well for me during the second half of this year, I could be hitting the market average salary by year end and still have the job satisfaction and the benefits. It all depends on what happens over the course of the next month or so (but then, by the time that rolls around, the recent recruitment buzz could be all done and dusted).

I do think it would be short-sighted of me not to at least investigate the market, so it looks like I'll have to brush up my résumé this week (which probably means a re-write).

On the plus side...

I have identified the blonde girl, and I have at least a name to work with...

*sob*

Reports filtering through to me today have indicated that Lickable Girl has left work for another firm! Noooooo! There goes my perving opportunities at work dos!

Jeez, there are other people out there!

I've just spent a few hours talking to A. I talk to A quite a lot, mostly on MSN. She can be very depressing at times, though. I think she is clinically depressed, but it doesn't make for good MSN chatting as this means she can be very self-centred when in one of those moods.

I was really not in the mood for that, either. As far as my own situation is concerned, I had a load of stuff going on in my own mind that I would have liked to have talked through with someone, but that was never going to get done tonight.

It's my own fault for being a closed book to most people and only relying on a few people. I should open up more.

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.

My ipod's died again. I rescued it from death a few months ago, but nothing that I've tried over the past few days has worked. It looks as if I'm in the hunt for another mp3 player... I'm lost without my music on the move and at work. Today, especially, was tough.I could have done with it at work to focus my mind on work, but I ended up letting it wander everywhere. Fucking iPod!

Introspective

I was out last night with E. Things went well. They always do. I really enjoy E's company, despite my usual turmoil/indecision/whatever you want to call it. Last night was no different. I did spend the entire night still trying to decide how far away from Platonic our relationship had gone, if at all. Perhaps all this is is simply a good friendship and I'm reading too much into it because E's a girl. That's from my perspective, of course, not E's. I've no idea what E thinks. Sometimes, I've no feelings beyond E being a good friend, sometimes it veers towards lust and sometimes it is a matter of finding E good girlfriend material. I've spoken about this before in this blog in a few places, but here's one post from this time last year.

Originally, when I first started thinking of E in non-Platonic ways, it really did bother me. I've no idea why, but it did. Now, I think I'm more bothered by the fact that I can't seem to make up my mind or perhaps more accurately that I don't have a consistent take on the situation. Each time we see each other, I can vary wildly in what I'm feeling.

E, on these matters, is unreadable. I've no idea what her feelings are on this situation. I've no idea if she knows or suspects about my less than Platonic feelings and if she does, if she even cares. I'd suspect not, as far as knowing is concerned. I've never made any moves towards E in that respect and I wouldn't unless there were clear indications that doing so would screw everything up. Female friends of mine (F, especially) are quite adamant that girls do pick up on that kind of vibe quite easily and are quite prone to consideration of male friends as potential boyfriend material amongst other things. I think there are probably clues there if she looks for them, though not many. For example, I'm not sure she has too many male (and straight) friends who buy her small tokens/send her cards when she's feeling down. So, perhaps she does know and perhaps she has considered possibilities.

I've no idea if the feelings are reciprocated in any way. Sometimes, E is open and sometimes she's not. Last night, for example, the body language fluctuated several times between open and closed (as far as my limited body language reading skills are concerned). There were tactile moments and moments where she shied away from contact. Obviously, some of that was with respect to the topic of conversation where she was quite agitated about a few things and at others, she was quite happy. Tactile moments with E are rare, though.

E was telling me that she'd met someone. I'll call him CW. E's quite unsure about the whole situation as, ordinarily, this wouldn't be a situation she'd find herself in. This isn't an ordinary situation though as E's world is going to turn upside down within the next two to three months, so any situation she finds herself in at the moment is never going to be long-term. This is a case in point of what I've been saying until now. When E told me, I felt hardly anything. There was a faint glimmer of something, but what? Jealousy that she'd again hooked up with someone that wasn't me? Sadness that I realised she'd soon be gone, perhaps forever? Happiness that this, on top of a few other recent events, meant that things are going well in E's world?

Why does this bother me so much? Even reading back on the post, I still can't make head nor tail of it at all. Perhaps the over-analysis is clouding the answer.

Isn't the weather fabulous?

That's enough weather talk, for now!

OK, let's see. What was I up to this week?

Well, am currently in the middle of arranging a night out with E this weekend (she was unavailable last weekend). Night to be decided, but an early show at the cinema and a night in the pub afterwards is the order of the day. All I have to do is arrange it around a birthday party on Saturday afternoon, but that shouldn't be too much of an issue.

With this in mind, I've put off the PD issue until next week. As it is, I'm booked up (yeah, a social life *gasp*) for at least two weekends (including this coming one), so no point in making any progress there if any potential meeting is going to be put off for three weeks.

Have also tried to trace the blonde from work, but I haven't seen her about and I can't find her in the office intranet. Mission continues...

I was at the gym tonight, which might not have been the greatest move in the world seeing as it's like 28 centigrade here at the moment. It did turn out to be a good move, though. Spent an enjoyable hour chatting to GC while I got a bloody good seeing to on various pieces of equipment. It was half empty, too, just the way I like it. If I can get out of work fairly early tomorrow, I might try for another night and burn off a shedload of calories before I drink them at the weekend!

It's a glorious day!

It's warm, the sun is shining and I can only think of one thing: that I'd really like to go to the pub tonight. I wonder if I can get anyone who'd like a few pints tonight?

Yay!

I got a card from USHW! It arrived today (we've had public holidays recently so all post was delayed), and it's lovely to hear from her again. Thanks, USHW.

Woah.

Was out with a few mates last night, well a mate and a few of his work buddies, to be more precise. One of my mate's friends bumped into a couple of barmaids that work in his local. One of them was this blonde stunner - athletic and curvy, shortish hair, at least one nice looking tattoo. Sadly, they sat down as I was nipping off to the bar and by the time I'd returned, they were finishing up and leaving. I didn't even get introduced or have a chance to talk to them. I'll have to see if I can start drinking in their pub, though. *wink*

Things to do...

Well, after that weird weekend, it's time to sit down and consider what's going on.

I have several potential irons in the fire, so to speak, so what am I going to do?

Well, first things first, I'm going to see if E's about this weekend. I haven't seen her since her birthday and it'd be ghreat to catch up. I drop her an email or send a text to see when she's available.

I think, next week, I'll see where the PD thing is going (if anywhere). I'm off work this week, but after I catch up on my return, I'll push for meeting up for a drink ASAP and if I'm not getting anywhere fast, then I'll simply stop contact again and leave the ball firmly in her court.

The tricky one is this potential interest from the Pretty Blonde from Friday and Saturday night. Like Lickable Girl, the trouble here is getting her into a social situation to be able to ascertain what's going on and one that's preferably away from any other work colleagues. That's something I have to work on (but given my complete lack of advancement with Lickable Girl, the Pretty Blonde might be a no-goer, too).

A weird end to a good weekend.

What a weird night. I ended up in a pub quiz with my sister, my brother-in-law and a guy I used to work with a few years ago. I'd been celebrating most of the day and by the time we arrived in the pub, to catch the last period of extra time of the World Cup final, it would be fair to say that I was fairly tipsy. Six hours of drinking can do that to a man.

Anyway, after the match ended, the pub quiz started and we stood beside two girls who, after swapping some banter, kind of joined our team. I say "kind of", because they were busy talking between themselves and sending lots of text messages, but they did chip in with a few answers every now again when they knew the answer or we asked and we generally had a good time chatting to them.

It was the weirdest feeling, though. Both girls were quite attractive (I think they might have been sisters, though am not 100% sure), although the younger of the two girls was, well, I dunno. There was a little flirting going on between me and the younger girl, but not that much. I get uncomfortable going on the pull when my sister (or anyone I know) is around and reign myself in. 

However, I don't think I've had the horn so strongly and so immediately over someone as I did last night. It completely took me by surprise, especially seeing as the girl was nearly 13 years younger than me. Unsurprisingly, I did spend the rest of the night in complete lust. They left towards the end of the night without a chance to swap numbers or anything, so nothing ever came of it. Waking up this morning, the feeling had passed. Well, when I say 'feeling', I meant the huge urge. The physical attraction's still there.

Now that I'm sober again...

...and reading my last post regarding the goings on over Friday and Saturday night, I'm not entirely sure that I'm that positive the blonde girl was casting glances my way. I'm sure it was more like I had about nine pints of dutch courage in me on Friday and a similar amount on Saturday, forcing me to see what I wanted to see.

Oh, go on then, I'll be cautiously optimistic.

A weird feeling.

I was at a work function last night (or maybe I should say "Friday". What time is it?) It involved a lot of us going to a local pub and getting trolleyed. I like these work things... it's a good chance to kick back and have a good perv at the females who (in my own opinion) tend to look better during the 'dress down' days as they do in normal 'business attire' (and there are some cracking looking girls in work, although not to the standard of Lickable Girl).

Yesterday was a bit weird though. I caught one group of girls paying particular attention to the small group of colleagues I was circulating with. One girl, in particular, was a very pretty blonde with a great smile. She's totally not my "type" (as previously identified, quite accurately, by F and E separately), but there is something intriguing about her, nonetheless.

Tonight, I was out with my friends AM, C, MA2 and QC1 and who walks in the door of the bar I'm drinking in but the cute blonde. Over the course of the night, I do catch her sneaking the odd look, confirming what I had thought last night that I was the one being picked out. Sadly though, tonight was an "occasion", so I couldn't really leave the party and pursue this any further and then she disappeared to who knows where. I'll have to wait until I go back to work and see what's going on here.

The postal service

Well, I replied to UHSW's letter and posted it yesterday. Hopefully, it should arrive on her doorstep quite soon, if it hasn't already.