A welcome distraction.

R2 popped into my head earlier. I was thinking about travel, again, and specifically New York. That's somewhere I've wanted to visit for some time. R2 used to live in New York: Lower Manhattan and Brooklyn specifically if I recall correctly.

But as soon as R2 popped into my head, then another memory surfaced: our interaction before she left. I thought she was attractive, and she often came for a chat if I was in the bar. Some of my female friends were convinced that she was interested, but I never saw any signs: she was simply being friendly. We did meet a couple of times, and we did a couple of lunches, but she was always moving to NY long before we became friendly.

And there was also this feeling that she would have eaten me alive. That's not strictly true, but there was probably a massive gulf in maturity, even with me in my early 20s. If anything romantic had happened, I don't think it would have lasted too long, and that was probably a consideration why I didn't really look too hard for any romantic interest from her.

She wasn't the only one where that happened: SJ from school, arguably the first person I really liked (I'd had crushes, done dates and had a girlfriend before SJ came along), but there was that gap in maturity that hung over my head.

I don't think I really found myself or at least was comfortable with myself until I was mid-20s, which probably explains why I never dated anyone seriously until then. CAB came close, but I always knew she was leaving town, too.

So, yeah, some fond memories of R2 today and a little bit of introspection.

Eureka!

I can't remember the exact details around it, but a memory popped into my head earlier. My sister and mum were in town and I had taken them out to lunch. I think it was at the bar where R2 worked, but I'm not 100% sure on that.

What I am sure about is that they left and I had an afternoon off, and I did find myself in the bar where R2 worked, chatting to R2. It was midweek so the bar was quiet and she had plenty of spare time to chat.

I'm also pretty sure that's the afternoon where I decided to go to university, or it was the catalyst for my decision. R2 was easy to talk to, so an afternoon of chatting about my career plans (or lack thereof) was an easy way to pass the time.

So by the time I'd finished a few pints, a number of hours later, not only was I feeling fairly optimistic about things, but I had a rough idea of what to do, who to talk to and what I'd need.

I'm pretty sure I got a hug, too. 

Let's go round again.

I slept really well last night. Weirdly, I woke this morning thinking about CAB. I don't know if there was a dream involved or not - I don't recall a dream. But the memory involved me talking to CAB. This would have been after I broke things off with her.

I was at a bar. The bar where I met R2. Actually, the same bar where I met CAB. I spent a lot of time there in my early 20s with AM, QC1 etc. Anyway, at the end of the evening as we were leaving to get a taxi home, I bumped into CAB. She started talking so I waved the others on. She wanted to get back together.

I can't remember the details of the conversation. I can't remember her argument for getting back together nor can I recall if I vocalised my reasons for not getting back together. My reasons for not getting back together were the same as my reasons for breaking up: she was due to move away to go to university, I wasn't interested in/considering long-distance, so I didn't see the point in continuing to date.

And I know that I definitely didn't share my ongoing frustrations about us not having sex. It was part of the reason I called things off, but not the main reason, which I explained above. I doubt it would have been a surprise to her, though.

But, yeah, that was the memory I woke to this morning. 

What's in a name?

Years ago, when I worked alongside Friction Guy, FBS, D etc. I mentored a guy who was about six years younger than I was. It became a running joke that he was Ruuude Jnr or Ruuude 2. They claimed that we were effectively lookalikes, but I thought they were taking the piss. Their opinion was based mainly due to the fact we had similar hairstyles more than anything else. Our build and height was completely different, for starters.

However, years after I left, I was due to meet someone in a bar. As an aside, it was the pub that I first met R2. Regardless, I stood at the bar and ordered a pint. A group of people walked in and stood beside me at the bar. I recognised some of them as being ex-colleagues,but having no interest in talking to them, I ignored them.

Literally seconds later though, they kept saying a name over and over again. It took me a while to realise that they were trying to get my attention, but they weren't using my name. They were using Ruuude Jnr's name. I continued to ignore them.

It was around that time that my companion (probably G or M) turned up and we moved on. 

Well then.

I had a dream last night about a night that actually happened. I might have already blogged about it, but I wanted to type this up before the details fade away.

I was out at a pub, with BW plus AM, QC1 and their respective partners. An old flame of BW's was out as well. We were out to see the band I posted about over the weekend, at the bar where I met R2.

But the main memories of the night were that I spent most of the night dancing away with a friend of BW's ex-girlfriend. From memory, she was an attractive brunette woman with a great figure. In the dream, it was TV weather forecaster Lucy Verasamy.

Ultimately, just like real life, nothing came of it beyond a quick kiss and lots of knowing looks from AM and QC1. 

But now that I think back, my vague memory of the woman in question, I do get Lucy Verasamy vibes off of her. Is that the influence of the dream of did they have similar vibes from a physical perspective?

Coinkidink.

We had an impromptu work event yesterday. Well, a small gathering. There were four of us and we went out for lunch and drinks. I was back home quite early (around half past nine), and I'm feeling good this morning.

While I like my co-workers, I don't think that there'll ever be the same kind of bond that I had in my last team where I formed my friendship with KfW2, Stalky Guy and a few others who've probably been mentioned but have no blog labels.

However, one interesting titbit of information was that one of my co-workers might have worked with R2. I'm tempted to message her on Facebook to ask, even though it was 30 years ago.

Dance to the music.

Back in the day, I spent a lot of time in what would become known as CB Pub. FP, G and a lot of others from school would regularly have nights out there, especially if there were bands playing. One of our favourite bands played Blues Brothers type music and they were very good.

In my late teens and early 20s, I saw them a lot. Then they disappeared and I saw them infrequently. They were the band that BW and I went to see when I met CAB. They were the band I was watching when I met R2. They played at AM's wedding. I took FA2 to see them a few times and she was both impressed and annoyed that she got me to dance. Impressed that she liked me dancing, annoyed in that I didn't do it often.

Anyhoo, this is all preamble. Guess who's playing CB Pub in two months time? Yup. Now, who can I go with?

Way back when.

I met Nerdy Girl tonight, though instead of going for a walk, we went for coffee, and then played pool because it was freezing and neither of us were really dressed for sub-zero temperatures. 

We played pool at the pub where I first met R2. And if that wasn't enough, the music that was playing would have been exactly the music R2 and I would have listened to back in the day - Guns 'n' Roses, Aerosmith, Red Hot Chili Peppers and that type of stuff.

So, yeah, I had a great time with Nerdy Girl, but I also got real nostalgia kicks too. I wonder if I should reach out to her, to see how she's doing?

Itch

While I was at her house for Sunday dinner, my sister suggested that I might want to travel. I mean, she's not wrong. Ever since I went halfway around the world after university, I've wanted to see more. But I don't really like travelling alone. I know that I visited NZ on my own, years back, but that was essentially a visit to see E.

Even though I spent practically a month in NZ, probably a third of that was in E's company.

So, yeah, I'd like to do something interesting.

CC suggested yesterday that I might take KfW2's place on their trip abroad. But as I posted yesterday, I can just about do a couple of hours alone with CC, never mind an entire weekend.

That's ignited something in me. I've been looking at things to do in New York. It's weird... I want to see New York, but there's nothing specific really that draws me there. Sadly, R2 no longer lives in the city. I would be really tempted to pick her brains about something cool to do, and maybe even arrange dinner or drinks.

There are other places on the list, but it's NY that's been on my mind today, for reasons I can't explain.

So, what's fun to do in NYC, if you were there for, say, five days? What's interesting to see or where's good to eat?

• Empire State Building
• Statue of Liberty
• Hudson Yards Observation Deck
• One World Observatory

Bah!

Over the years, the amount of personal post that I can remember receiving has been practically zero. I can't speak for anyone else, but the smallest things can bring a smile to my face and make my day. I recall a postcard from Foreign Girl that made me grin. It didn't say an awful lot, but the fact she'd taken the time to buy a card, a stamp write a brief note and post it meant a lot to me.

Over recent years, I've not posted too many things. I can recall only a few birthday cards for KfW2, and she always seems really appreciative. Back in the day, I swapped letters with R2, sent little things to AM and QC2 etc. and I did it quite frequently.

So when a handwritten, posted note came through my letterbox this afternoon, I was delighted. And intrigued. Who was going to send me a handwritten letter? It's not my birthday or any kind of event.

Sadly, when I opened the letter, it wasn't Morena Baccarin declaring her undying love but someone unknown to me, wanting to tell me how great the Christian Bible is. Sigh.

Pondering and reminiscing.

A few days ago, I sent E a message on Facebook. It's been months since we swapped messages and I want to know how she's getting on. It's been on my mind since my night out with S and GM a few weeks back, but like everything else recently, I keep forgetting. 

She hasn't replied as yet, but I did kinda dream about her last night. Somehow, I had the power of teleportation and used it to visit friends in far off places, like E, R2 and V. So I woke this morning with E on my mind, which has led to further pondering. It was kinda based on a Reddit post, "What does a platonic female friend bring that a platonic male friend doesn't?", so I wondered what would have happened if E hadn't emigrated.

Hopefully, I'll hear from her soon.

Curiouser and curiouser.

There were a series of posts made by R2 on Facebook over the weekend. It seems that she's moved, and gone from city living to a more rural lifestyle. Her old business has closed and she's started a new business, albeit in the same industry.

It's all rather cloak and dagger. People who have commented on these posts are wishing her luck, but also wondering why the sudden change. R2 has not posted any replies. Have there been changes in her life? Has she separated from her husband? Who knows? But moving 200 miles away, shutting down your own (apparently successful) business in the city, only to start up again under a new name in a small rural town without any kind of clues seems weird. Would she come home if she actually separated from her husband? Who knows?

I'll be watching this with interest.

Party time.

I often think of FBS at this time of year. Usually we've had one of our (semi) annual nights out, which is a Christmas affair, so she's on my mind. And, of course, there was my last post with the craving of some companionship.

But it was around this time of year, many years ago, where things between FBS and I got physical. While it started a month or so earlier with a misstep on my part around sharing a sofa with FBS, it really got moving after a Christmas party hosted by D. I wasn't even meant to attend. My favourite local band were playing at the same pub where R2 worked and, with FP and BW, I was planning on that. 

Except I got drunk during the afternoon, fell asleep at home and woke at 11 PM, It was too late to hit the bar, so I went to D's party instead. (As an aside, when I showed up to the party, FP and BW were there. They had arrived late to the gig, couldn't get in, tried to leverage my friendship with R2 and she refused, so they bailed out to D's party).

While nothing happened at this particular party, I did get a notion that she was considering something (and I learned after the fact that D was talking her into it). 

FBS called me a few days after Christmas. She had an emergency and, for some reason, thought I'd be able to help. While I wasn't able to fix the problem, I was able to help a little and point her in the right direction. We then sat and had a few drinks, smoked some cigarettes and chatted. This was the first night that I remember we kissed, on her sofa.

AM suggested I invite FBS along to our NYE celebrations. I can't remember why. I don't remember sharing with AM that anything was going on with FBS. But for some reason, I did invite FBS along, to the party, that was out of town and 75 miles away. What could go wrong? What was I thinking? 

FBS did seem to have a good time, though. Once the party started to die down and people started leaving or disappearing off to the room that had been set aside for people to crash. FBS and I ended up making out on AM's sofa (I was due to sleep there), once everyone had gone, and this time, it got a lot more handsy.

It was a few days later again, into the New Year, when we first slept together, but when the loneliness sets in around this time of year, I remember back on this series of events quite fondly.

I think I've posted before about this, but by my reckoning, I've had more success over the Christmas and New Year period with meeting new people than at any other time of the year.

Pondering the annual quandary.

It's that time of year, after the Xmas stuff is all over and done with, that my thoughts turn to New Year's Eve.

This year, I'm not sure there will be any takers, but I'm going to ask anyway. I might get FP, for a change. GM and S are unknowns. Anyone else is unlikely.

I've always liked NYE socialising. I like seeing out the old year with its good and bad and looking forward to the unknown, the potential of something more, better etc. I seem to be in the minority in making this a celebration.

Plus, I've always had much more luck in meeting people on NYE than any other single night - QC1, R2 and a few others not mentioned on the blog. There's a different vibe on NYE than other nights that encourages people to mingle more, I think.

Concern

QC3 is leaving the country today, destination unknown. Which is weird because she's been very vocal about nearly everything else on Facebook over the past weeks and months. She split with her long-term partner several months ago and has seemingly gone off the rails. The breakup itself may have been due to an addiction issue. Her daughter now lives with another family member.

Part of me is concerned, but I also think that QC3 is the type of person who will drag you down with her if you get involved.

This isn't the first time that QC3 has upped sticks and left. She did so roughly twenty years ago. We had kinda, sorta gotten together one night and then spent the next six weeks circling each other, waiting for the other to indicate it wasn't a drunken mistake, before she left. QC3 was never girlfriend material though - it was very much a lust thing for me. She was a potential FwB rather than anything more substantial mainly due to her being flaky.

And we repeated that when I went to visit her, this time waking in bed with her, naked but with no recollection of the night before. I think she was the same.

And that thought reminded me that there have been several girlfriends and crushes who left the country. CAB, R2, QC3 and FA2 are the ones I remember offhand, at least those who have been mentioned on here before.

Home.

Today marks the eighth anniversary of moving into a quite spectacular city centre apartment with stunning views. You know, the kind you often see on young adult comedies. We managed to get a great deal on the place and while it wasn't perfect (some of the walls between apartments were terribly thin), the positives outweighed the negatives.

In fact I got the keys around this time and spent the entire afternoon moving and unpacking.

This was the place where one of ES's previous boyfriends had lived (hence us having slept in the same bed, albeit a few years apart). It was also the place where I met Attractive Neighbour, and where R2 had lived in an adjacent unit previously.

In a conversation with AN a year or so ago, we both admitted that we didn't get to meet our neighbours as much as we would have liked. Our expectations of apartment living, in that regard, didn't get met.

Obviously, I had to live with MfW2, UF, Heating Guy and TV Guy which posed problems (and I'm still disappointed that the Scottish doctor turned us down which led to Heating Guy moving in. But all-in-all I loved the place, if not the people I shared with.

Out of time.

Facebook reminded me of a picture that I had shared on Facebook, a good few years ago now. As part of the photo being posted, I had a conversation with R2.

Bear in mind that there's already a web being weaved where I last lived - Attractive Neighbour knowing E's Sister, E's Sister dating the prior occupants of the house where I lived so even before ES and AN knew each other, they'd spent time literally 5 metres apart, albeit with a wall between them.

But the comments on the photo also reminded me that R2 had admitted to also living next door, in the same housing development, though she'd moved on just before I moved in.

Or, as I prefer to say... I've slept in the same bed as ES and lived beside R2, only not at the same time.

Hollywood endings.

After CC told me about her new love earlier in the week, I had a period pondering how weird it was to end up having sex with someone you've known that long (over 20 years), then I realised that, had things happened differently with E3, that I might have done the same without a thought.

The it hit me today that it's not that uncommon. Offhand, I can think of four real-life instances where something did or could have happened between two long-term friends:

• CC and her new man (roughly 20 years)
• KfW2 and her now husband (10 years)
• R2 and her now husband (though strictly speaking, this was an ex-boyfriend coming back, but other circumstances make it relevant to this list)
• E3 and me (friends since school)

I'm pretty sure I'm missing at least one more couple, as well.

Is this just me or is it more frequent, in general?

Oh!

I just noticed from posts on Facebook that R2 is back in the country. While I've not directly spoken to her in at least 20 years, we have swapped messages and proper letters. I'm pondering sending her a message to see if she wants to meet for a drink or a coffee while she's home, if she has the time.

Another memory.

Years ago, my favourite bar wasn't my current favourite bar. But we'd go there regularly - myself, BW, AM, QC1 and the rest of the crowd. It did live music music too. In fact, it was where I met CAB, though she is not the focus of this post. This one's for R2. R2 was serving behind the bar one night when BW and I were in. She let a pint overflow as she was trying to make too many drinks at one time and I teased her about it. We struck up a kind of conversation every time I went to the bar and, to give her credit, she remembered me a few weeks later.

From then on, if I went in and she was working, we'd chat if she served me. This continued to grow to the point where, if she was on a break and we were in the bar, she'd sit with us and chat.

QC1, QC2 and AM were delighted.

"She's really into you," they'd say.

I didn't see it. We chatted, that was it. There was no flirting going on that I could tell, no physical touching to suggest anything other than a potential friend. I never knew if she was dating or seeing anyone else.

It was months later when everything seemed to click. I had a spare weekend, she had a rare weekend off, we'd mentioned our shared interest in a few bands, one of which was playing in town. So we arranged to meet. I didn't consider it a date - I'd still seen nothing to make me believe this was anything other than platonic. I called to confirm times and her flatmate told me she was in the shower and would call me back. The call never came.

The next day, I was doing some charity work with QC2 and invited her back to mine for a coffee afterwards.

We were talking about R2 when the phone rang. It was R2. She was apologetic - friends called round and she got side-tracked having a drink with them and didn't even get to the gig. She promised that we'd definitely have a night out.

I relayed all this back to QC2 who was dubious.

Our normal routine returned for a month or so until she sat beside me, one night, on her break.

She was leaving, she explained. Once she got her graduation ceremony out of the way, she'd gotten a visa for the States and was off there to live.

And she did just that, but we retained our little friendship until she left, and did manage to see each other socially a few times - a night out and a couple of lunch dates, the last only a few days before she left. It ended with a kiss. Like those I used to get from CH - slightly too long to be a peck on the lips, not quite long enough to be able to definitively say was not platonic.

She took my address, though I never expected to hear from her again... but surprisingly, she did send letters and we stayed in contact probably for four years or so. They stopped suddenly, though I didn't ever find out why. There was a chance sighting in my home town in 2009 that prompted me to look for her on Facebook and send a friend request and we've been in sporadic contact ever since. Today, according to Facebook, is the 9th anniversary for our Facebook friendship.