Ouch.

I was out for one of my semi-regular walks with Nerdy Girl this evening. It was fun as usual, but my feet are in bits. I was wearing some new walking boots and I have blisters everywhere.

Weirdly, it's not the first time I've worn them so the blistering is a bit of a surprise.

Ouch.

Looks like I'm going to have to get some gel insoles.

Afternoon delight (Part 2).

The memory of christening FA2's new house a few days ago prompted another memory. FA2 and I had travelled to see BW. At this stage, we had officially been dating about a month (and this was probably six weeks before the other incident mentioned a few days ago). 

In typical BW fashion, he was buying a house and had signed the paperwork mere hours before FA2 and I arrived. There were issues - the deal was supposed to have been done weeks earlier.

Instead of spending the entire weekend in the pub and generally having a good time, we spent most of the weekend tailing BW as he did lots of errands for the new house.

He literally had no furniture. FA2 and I slept on the floor, we had to take sleeping bags with us etc. I was surprised there was electricity and hot water.

We went to the pub at night and one night, BW got royally toasted on Saturday. When we arrived back at his place, he fell forward as soon as he entered his house and fell asleep on the living room floor. FA2 and I briefly made sure he was OK then FA2 made a move to go upstairs. I pulled her into BW's conservatory where we had sex. It wasn't the first time we'd had sex that weekend. We christened BW's house the first night we were there, Thursday. By the time we left on Sunday evening, we'd ticked off three rooms: the bathroom, the guest bedroom and the conservatory.

Obviously, we said nothing to BW about it though he had said to me that he was looking forward to getting someone back to his to christen the conservatory. FA2 wasn't present for this conversation - I think she was at the bar at the time.

A few weeks later, BW sent me a message. He'd met someone at a bar and had brought her back to his. His house, and specifically his conservatory, had been christened he claimed. I shared this news with FA2 and she laughed. 

Even though we were still in the honeymoon get-naked-and-fuck-every-opportunity phase of the relationship, I don't think it crossed BW's mind that FA2 and I would have had sex that weekend and, to this day, he thinks he christened his house.

Dressing up.

Years ago, the relatively unknown Elizabeth Hurley burst onto the scene by wearing a Versace (I think) dress that created tonnes of column inches in the press.

It was a jaw-dropper all right, helped of course by Elizabeth Hurley being a very attractive woman.

I often wonder why the same thing didn't happen a few years ago when Brie Larson, one of the biggest movie stars in the world, was guest-hosting a talk show and wore this:

Or maybe it did and it passed me by at the time?

That time of year?

I feel a big time funk coming on. I don't know what's causing it - there's no one thing. The nights starting to lose in is definitely one aspect of it. I hate the gloom, I hate the winter.

I was meant to be doing a job application tonight, but the files are stuck on my work laptop and I couldn't download them in order to type everything up this evening. I know that as soon as I do submit the application, I'll need to prep, and the whole prep plus potential interview will really stress me out.

But the thing is, I need to do these applications and interviews. There's a deadline looming that I want to avoid, and to do that I need to apply for jobs.

I also called KfW2 earlier. I feel like we've not actually properly spoken in months. She mentioned me going to visit, I mentioned that I owed her lunch. We didn't actually get to make any arrangements as she had to chase her kids to bed for school tomorrow. I'd love to see her again, have a chat in private. Preferably in a bar where she can't be interrupted.

All of this is getting on top of me - not any one big thing, but lots of small things.

Afternoon delight.

A few months into dating FA2, she moved house. It was a process that went on much longer than necessary, but thanks to an understanding seller, she was able to store stuff at the new house (which was vacant) and was given a key to access the house for tradesmen etc.

As the process was approaching an end, she took me around one Sunday afternoon to measure up, get a few ideas together for decorating etc.

We were about to leave, to go to my parents' house for Sunday dinner when she actually jumped on me and we had sex, twice. I had to apologise for being half an hour late when we finally arrived at my parents' place.

Cut to a few weeks later, when all the paperwork had been done, the house was officially FA2's and she was moving in. A few comments from close friends about when we were going to "christen" the house were met with knowing looks between us.

Actually, at that stage, not only had the house been christened, but we'd ticked off a few rooms. The above incident was the master bedroom, but we'd also screwed in the guest bedroom, the utility room and on the stairs.

I don't know why that (rather pleasant) thought popped into my head this afternoon, but it brought a smile to my face.

Oh, go on then.

CC arrived at my door earlier, looking a favour. To be fair, she had asked this morning if I could print some stuff out for her, but I had assumed that she'd phone first or email the stuff across for me to print, then collect it when she had the time. After all, she is on a flight this evening at 7PM and still had to pack.

But, no. She arrived at my door, rang the bell. I didn't answer, having my headphones in, so she had to call.

Thankfully, she didn't hang around too long. Though, despite appearing on my door step in yoga pants and a sports bra, I did fleetingly wonder how she'd look these days in a bikini now that she's taken to exercise etc. I think I said this before, but she looked good back in 2013. She must look better now?

Mind games.

According to Facebook, today marks the seventh anniversary of the night that CH got a bit earnest about our friendship in text messages. In hindsight, knowing what I know now, surely it was just the booze talking? After all, any time I called upon her friendship after this, I was left disappointed. Actually, any time she had a chance to show her friendship after that, she seemingly chose not to. 

Part of me would still love to get to know what was going on in her head over that period of time.

Shame, that. Her loss.

Bewildering.

CC called a few nights ago. At first she was trying to get me to go out for dinner, but I was in the middle of cooking at that stage, then she shifted to talking about a holiday abroad.

While she didn't ask outright, I was left wondering if she wanted me to accompany her. Looking back, it kinda felt like she wanted to ask. Maybe that's shy she wanted to go out for dinner? To ask in person?

I wouldn't, even if we weren't in the middle of a global pandemic. CC is OK in small doses, but in anything longer, is a complete pain in the ass. Plus I have a work thing that I really need to get sorted before taking any proper time off. Sigh.

Seeing in her a bikini for several hours a day would not make up for that!

I think she found something, and is due to fly out tomorrow, alone. I don't know how anyone could be that desperate for sun that they'd go to that trouble, and do it on their own, under the current climate of travel restrictions, sickness etc. but that's CC for you.

Pondering.

Today MMBF gets married. I did wonder, this morning, if MM or M himself ever tried to set us up. If they did, they've never admitted to it, though there were a few occasions where I did get the feeling that they were sounding me out.

Physically, I think she's attractive, and I never made any secret of that to M. However, from a non-physical perspective, she's high maintenance (according to M) which would put me off, and I think I said as much to M as well.

MM never said anything that I can remember, but she did make a point of inviting me out when it was just her and MMBF.

While nothing ever came of it, if I do assume that they were trying something, then this is exactly the way I'd like it to be. No pressure, just get two people together and see what happens.

I did, though, make a bit of an effort at M and MM's wedding, but saw no sign that she was interested back.

MMBF has posted a picture on Facebook. She's blonde these days, which is not a good look for her, in my opinion. She's naturally a brunette, at least I think she is. The B in MMBF is 'brunette' and which suits her much better.

Here's hoping MM or QC2 post pictures later.

Jaw dropping.

I am getting really strong KfW2 vibes from this picture of Morena Baccarin.

I really should try and pin her down for our night out. KfW2 that is, not Morena Baccarin. She owes me a night out that should be different again. And she's also suggested that I go to hers one night. I'm hoping that's three different times to spend with KfW2, but the pessimist in me thinks it'll be different. After all, it is over 4 years since we've done a "me and KfW2" outing.

Woah!

MMBF is getting married on Friday! I found this out from M, who came out with myself and G for drinks tonight.

I had a great night out with G and M. I don't see them as often as I should, but we always click. The chat is good but the banter is better, even after all these years. It's always been the case.

I mentioned to M that he might seek out QC2. She might be at the wedding and she's good fun. M didn't sound as if he was a big fan of MMBF's fiancé. I don't think M knows him, but whatever information he's getting back from MM isn't great.

Woke up this morning...

I've not slept well the past few nights. Alcohol and job-related stress are the main factors, I think. Saying that, I have had similar dreams both night. Erotic dreams, in fact. In it, I meet a woman in a hotel in a foreign country. We don't know each other but I think she's a combination of CH and an ex-gf of GM's that I'm Facebook friends with.

She posted a holiday/bikini picture recently, which might also have fed directly into the dream.

Suffice to say, I've been awfully frustrated for the past few mornings, with a real desire to go somewhere hot, sunny and foreign for a holiday and not think about work.

Swipe, right?

I did another sweep through Tinder this morning, bored, hungover and horny and desperately trying to will myself out of bed for work. For the first time in a long time, Attractive Neighbour popped up on my feed. I, of course, swiped right. I don't think I'm her type. I'm not even sure she's my type (I get a high maintenance vibe off her), but I'm a sucker for a pretty face and AN is pretty.

Weekly weigh-in.

 231.6 lbs a very slight drop over last week's weigh-in.

This week is busy - meeting FP tonight, my sis's birthday tomorrow and meeting G on Wednesday. All of which means boozy nights, which is not great for weight loss, but we'll see.

Surprise!

An hour ago, G did actually send a message asking about meeting up, so we have tentative plans for Wednesday night. FP can't make it and is making a big deal of it, but Wednesday is the only night both G and I are available due to family commitments.

Sucks to be FP, but I'm looking forward to catching up with G.

Surprise! Surprise?

If Facebook is anything to go by, G is home for the weekend. A post by his sister seems to imply that, but he's said nothing to me or FP.

I wonder if there's going to be a last-minute call to the pub? My gut says no, but it's been wrong before.

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

I gave myself as haircut this morning. It's really quite short and, if I am being honest, a little shorter than I'd planned. But, I like me with short hair. I used to wear it longer when I was younger, but after a bet with QC2 back in the day where I got it cut short for the first time, I've really liked how I look. It makes me feel confident, and that's saying something.

FA2 hated my short hair.

"It make you look like a criminal," she opined.

It didn't end in a fight... but we did disagree. She didn't go as far as asking me not to cut it short, but I knew she would have preferred it because she was very vocal about it each time I would get a haircut.

But, as I said, I like how it made me feel. I'm not often comfortable in my own skin, so small wins like this were never being given up.

It also reminds me of KfW2 getting her hair cut short, which I thought really suited her and I made sure to tell her. She really liked it, though her husband hated it apparently. So she never cut it that way again, until last year I think.

"You get your hair cut short again? I really like it like that. Suits you." I said.

She seemed pleased.

"Thanks! It was the hubby's idea."

I didn't question the husband's earlier point of view. I just admired how she looked.

All about K.

One thing that might have been forgotten in the mists of time and temporary insanity (not mine) is that K was quite cute. Well, back when we met for the second time. Yes, I've been browsing old pictures again.

I think K and I met five times in total. The first was when I was leaving the country and it coincided with lots of hobby people meeting in London, and as I was in the area, I decided to join them. We hit it off instantly. As an aside, this was also the first time I met R, with whom I'd already built up a bit of a connection.

If I recall correctly, the meeting with the pictures was the first of that year and well over a year after the first time. It was the first of four times in fairly quick succession. I say "quick", but it was probably April, July, August and October in the same year. And bearing in mind we lived 350 miles apart at that stage, four times in one year is pretty impressive.  

I think she admitted at a later stage that it was the July meeting where she started viewing me as something non-platonic, but all I'd done was accompany her and a friend to a gig, then introduce her and the friend to BR afterwards where we drank heavily into the night, before walking them to their hotel and going our own way. Oh, and then repeating the same thing the next day. There were no moves made nor any actions that could be misconstrued, in my opinion. I wasn't leading her on.

August was the one where we ended up having sex, and the October one was, I think, primarily to make sure nothing happened between me and another girl who came to visit.

The final time would have been a few months after that again, the infamous gathering where I met F for the first time, K was determined to "nail me" and she refused to listen to what I had to say. Actually, strike that. That wasn't the last time I met K. She did show up briefly to another gathering where I met USHW for the first time, and R again, too.

Tossing and turning.

I went to bed at my normal time last night, read a bit and fell asleep. I woke several times during the night, more than I usually would, but something was different. I was on the opposite side of the bed, right on the edge. When I woke, I rolled over, back to my usual place, and fell asleep and would wake a while later, again on the opposite side of the bed.

I don't have a small bed, either.

I do toss and turn sometimes, but usually while staying in place. Last night was unusual not just for the amount of times I woke (probably half a dozen) but also for having moved across the entire width of the bed each time.

Saying that, I didn't feel as tired as I was expecting when I had to get out of bed this morning.

Jumble (cont'd)

I should add that the post I made earlier is not really a recent thing. I've been unhappy for a long time, it's just being exacerbated by a few things that are happening around me currently.

Self-confidence has always been an issue, alongside my social anxiety and shyness. I have terrible imposter syndrome that's holding me back, professionally. That might be added to/caused by the fact I always seem to have to fight for recognition when it comes easily to Stalky Guy or Brusque Guy. When I applied for a job a few months ago, I pretty much didn't sleep for a week between submitting the application and getting an interview (which I bombed, due to stress and my memory shutting down).

Part of the unhappiness is going through this stuff alone, not being able to chat to someone when I need to and just have some support when trying to make decisions.  

Jumble

There are a lot of things happening, right now, that I could do without. Work things, personal things... things. I'm not going to get into them in detail on this blog at the moment. I may revisit them with posts in the future, but I haven't really decided yet.

But I'm stressed. I'm trying to get these things settled in my head but I often struggle when trying to do this with more than one thing at a time. It's at times like this that I feel lonely and the lack of a significant other also weighs on me. But it's also a reminder that I've not had some alone time with KfW2 in years, barring a few quick lunches when we're treating each other for our respective birthdays. It's over four years since I had a night out with KfW2 and longer than that since it wasn't birthday-related.

Similarly with GM, someone else I can talk to, I saw him for the first time in a year and a half at the weekend. Despite having similar outlooks on life, I've often found it hard to pin him down for a chat, though he always claims to enjoy it when we do.

I've also been reading a blog - two friends date each other for forty days. It's years old by this stage (2013), and I'm only halfway through it, so have no idea how it ends, but it reminded me of this post. You know, that stage where you're finding out about this new person in your life and it's exciting and fun and nervy all at the same time. That's only added to the loneliness.

And I'd love to get some work done to my house. I have a list of tasks that would add value to the house, but also make the house more pleasant: new lighting in the hall and stairs, a new kitchen plus a few other things. I can't afford to do them all at once, but I also can't seem to get anyone out to give me a quote for the work, never mind getting several people out so I can choose a quote. While it might not seem obvious, the loneliness aspect plays a part here too: it would be nice to have someone to bounce ideas off about the improvements I want to do. As it is, I have some ideas that may be brilliant or may be outrageous. I simply don't know.

Still, a potential walk with Nerdy Girl on Wednesday and a group meeting with FC, Mrs FC, S and GM at the weekend. It's nice to have something to look forward to, despite the stress and the feeling of being over-whelmed.

Urgh.

I dreamed about CAB last night. I guess it wasn't a surprise. Due to revisiting some old emails, I've been working on a post, currently sitting in draft, about how we met and started dating. That was in between broken sleep. I felt awful this morning - sore neck, really tired, cannot concentrate, so I took some time off work and will spend this afternoon chilling, reading and making a few phone calls.

Weekly update.

No change in my weight from last week, which is not a disaster as I had a night out on Wednesday with lots of food and alcohol, an afternoon in the pub with colleagues/evening at the cinema with GM and yesterday spent boozing with my sis and brother-in-law. I was expecting an increase, if I am being honest, so maintaining the weight is a bit of a result!

Playing games.

Years ago, on a typical Friday night, if I wasn't in the pub, I would be at D's house with a carry out from the off-licence, playing video games and having a laugh. Sometimes there could be three or four of us.

One particular Friday night, I was at D's, ready to play a new game that he'd bought that day, when he pondered out loud why I wasn't out with BW and FBS. I think this might have been around the time that things had gotten physical with FBS and I was a) trying to keep it secret and b) figure out what it was that I, and FBS, wanted. Of course, D knew (FBS told him), but I don't know if he was trying to get me laid or working for FBS for whatever she wanted.

A memory that popped into mind as I was taking a stroll down memory lane by reading about my favourite video games from way back.

Talking

It was a social day yesterday. First I met a few co-workers, including my boss, Stalky Guy and Brusque Guy. I wasn't really in the mood for it - I've never really gotten over my boss's favouritism of Stalky and Brusque, plus he's let me down a few times when it's really mattered.

Saying that, I'm going to require a favour off the boss soon, plus I really need to get out of the house more and talk to people, so I figured that it was only a few hours. It turned out not to be so bad, plus the timing was good as I was meeting GM to go and see a film.

We had a brief chat after the film, which was great. I had been talking about getting some people out socialising - The Crowd, mainly. It might be a few weeks though there is appetite to get everyone together. GM was talking about potentially bringing out AH and an ex-FwB of his. I don't know that the numbers will work. We still have Covid restrictions and could only have 6 people out. FC, Mrs FC, S, his girlfriend (presumably), GM and myself. If S doesn't invite his girlfriend, that frees up one slot. If it were my choice, I'd choose AH every time. I just never warmed to GM's ex-FwB, I don't know why. I don't dislike her either, by the way, I just didn't click with her .

Of course, GM and I swapped "don't feel like you're stuck in the house, if you're bored come over to mine" messages at the end. I don't think he has cabin fever - he seems socially active on some really interesting looking stuff, but more if he's a bit lonely or needs a chat.

Falling.

231.8 lbs

Just getting that out there quickly. A loss of 1 lb over last week. Can I break the 230 lbs point by next week? Unlikely with meeting a friend for drinks on Wednesday, a potential work social thing on Friday and maybe a lunch date with KfW2 next weekend, but let's see.

Looking good.

I think I've posted before about how good Kate Beckinsale looked in her Underworld get-up. While I loved the figure-hugging costumes, I was equally, if not more, taken by her haircut.

Now she's returned to the bob-like look, only blonde this time, and in my opinion, totally rocking it.

She's a stunning-looking woman, regardless.

Just pondering stuff.

On of the questions on Reddit today was "What 'rules' of dating do you absolutely hate?", and the top answer seemed to be that, as a male, the expectation was that we should take the initiative and pay for things.

I think I've been lucky on that second point, though to be honest, pretty much all of my first dates have been in the pub or coffee dates, so even when I have spent some money, it's not been an awful lot.

But the first does ring true. I think I've mentioned before that I've had these conversations before with KfW2 and QC2 (and possibly others), and they were both shocked that I might suggest they ask someone out. Now, KfW2 has been single a grand total of a few weeks in the entire time I've known her, so this was never actually a factor, but she did admit that she'd never asked anyone out ever.

And yet, both of them would claim to be feminists, and they would show that across all aspects of their lives... except dating.

Just stuff...

I can't believe that it was supposedly National Boob Day a few days ago and I completely missed it. Now, I've always said that I'm not specifically a boob man or an ass man. I like the whole package, all in proportion.

Saying that... Salma Hayek showing a bit of cleavage in a tight outfit? Oh, go on...

Going down.

The number this morning was 232.8 lbs, a small drop from last week, but a drop nonetheless. It might have been more, had my sis and bro-in-law not dropped in unexpectedly on Saturday night and we stayed up late drinking rum and chatting. It was a lot of rum.

Anyway, a small drop is still movement in the right direction. I also have a walk coming up with Nerdy Girl later today, which is usually quite prolific - 6 miles or thereabouts equalling about 700  calories.

Travel Company.

For the past few nights, I've been dreaming of travelling. Specifically, dreaming of travelling with someone that I'm involved with romantically or physically. While sex doesn't feature in the dream, nor do I get the impression that I know the person, I seem to recall that they physically resembled CH or KfW2 - brunette, nice figure, shoulder length hair.

With the weather turning bad, travel has been on my mind a little.

It also occurred to me, as I started typing this post, that I'd never actually been on holiday with someone that I was involved with. I've met people while travelling, but I've never sat and planned a trip somewhere foreign with someone.

There was an incident with FA2 where, a few weeks after we'd officially started dating, she told me that she'd put a deposit on two tickets for a cruise for the following year, with her brother and his girlfriend. I suggested that that might be a bit hasty, and while I was willing to go on holiday with her, cruises weren't my thing and planning a year in advance after a few weeks of dating seemed foolish.

D and I, before the days of the internet, planned a road trip across America. We had rough costs, got a route and looked at hotels etc. We reckoned, to make it affordable and to be safe with the driving, we'd need four people. Then D went and invited both Friction Guy and FBS. This was shortly after FBS had told me that she was looking for something more than FwB, so I didn't think that having her along would be a great idea (even if, at the back of my mind, it could mean us sharing a bed on the trip, if you catch my drift).

So, yeah. Travel. Somewhere sunny with cool stuff to do. Where can I go?