As I've probably posted recently, I need some time off, but since KfW2 moved to her new job, I've taken on the work of two people with imminent deadlines. Actually, the imminent deadlines aren't a new thing - we've been working to frequent, unmissable deadlines from the start of the year.
As a result of the most recent deadline, I had to cut short some time off as hinted by my boss. So it turned out that not only did I cut short my holiday, but I worked about 20% longer than I should have... for the 6th week in a row. My boss has often repeated that he will manage the resourcing issues, but I'm not seeing it and each repetition of this mantra just makes me angrier and hate my job more. He was quick to go and get a status report from Stalky Guy about his projects, but he came nowhere near me to find out if I'd be able to make the deadline that caused me to cut short my time off.
And so, literally an hour before the deadline, there was a meeting. The upshot was that they were pushing out the deadline by a month. With an hour's notice. Had I known that two weeks ago, I could have taken all the time off I wanted and properly recharged the batteries. But, no.
And then there's Stalky Guy's free promotion and pay-rise that will be announced at the end of August, if not before. And, to be honest, KfW2's ongoing gushing about how great her new team is and how she feels guilty about how much time she's taking off in her training period is not helping.
Sigh.
Sunday, July 29, 2018
Saturday, July 28, 2018
Memories
In the last few days of our relationship (I didn't know that at the time, obviously), when FA2 was getting ready to go on an extended holiday, we were doing some small chores around the house. I was putting all of her music onto CDs as MP3s. It wasn't a big job - FA2 didn't have a large music collection. She didn't have a PC of her own, we were using mine. In fact, I had been spending that much time at FA2's over the previous year or so that it had been resident there.
As I was doing that and as she was doing something else, one of her friends arrived. It annoyed me at the time that her friends would "pop in" to visit without warning, which would invariably lead to a good few hours of cups of tea and chat while I packed my girlfriend's things away so she could travel and figure herself out. I appreciate that they wanted to see her before she left, but at the same time, she had things to do before she left.
This one night, she was showing her friend some of her clothes for travelling in her bedroom, while I was in her office next door, burning CDs. The curtains were open even though it was late October. Some teenagers were passing by.
"That bloke's watching porn!" they shouted.
I laughed. Good one, kids.
FA2 sprinted into the room as I giggled to myself.
"Are you watching porn?" she demanded.
"Errr, no." I looked at her with a bemused look on my face.
I don't know if she believed me. But if I were, I'd barely had the time to close the window before FA2 came bounding onto the room where the CD converter software was on display, showing her songs being converted.
That's not to say that I hadn't ever watched porn in FA2's house. I had, but I wouldn't do that with guests only a few meters away and no closed doors between us.
As I was doing that and as she was doing something else, one of her friends arrived. It annoyed me at the time that her friends would "pop in" to visit without warning, which would invariably lead to a good few hours of cups of tea and chat while I packed my girlfriend's things away so she could travel and figure herself out. I appreciate that they wanted to see her before she left, but at the same time, she had things to do before she left.
This one night, she was showing her friend some of her clothes for travelling in her bedroom, while I was in her office next door, burning CDs. The curtains were open even though it was late October. Some teenagers were passing by.
"That bloke's watching porn!" they shouted.
I laughed. Good one, kids.
FA2 sprinted into the room as I giggled to myself.
"Are you watching porn?" she demanded.
"Errr, no." I looked at her with a bemused look on my face.
I don't know if she believed me. But if I were, I'd barely had the time to close the window before FA2 came bounding onto the room where the CD converter software was on display, showing her songs being converted.
That's not to say that I hadn't ever watched porn in FA2's house. I had, but I wouldn't do that with guests only a few meters away and no closed doors between us.
Sunday, July 22, 2018
Throwback.
In an IMDB article about film and TV stars, before they were famous, there's a picture of a young Liam Neeson in Miami Vice. That's not the interesting part. He's pictured with Saundra Santiago who played Detective Gina Calabrese in the series. The interesting part is that, in this particular picture, she's a dead ringer for CAB as I remember her from the time we dated.
In other photos on IMDB, she looks nothing like CAB.
And here's the picture in question:
In other photos on IMDB, she looks nothing like CAB.
And here's the picture in question:
Rambling.
I got drunk in the house last night. I don't often do it, but a combination of a bad week at work (the latest of many, sadly) and getting side-tracked with some online gaming meant that I kept drinking beers until it was too late.
It was after 11 PM when I started getting messages from IG. She was on a date and it was going badly. Was I out and about to rescue her?
I wasn't, of course, but we swapped messages until she got back home. She probably would have continued messaging but I fell into a drunken sleep around 1 AM.
After IG's offer to join me for some "company" a while back, I've always wondered if there was a hidden agenda to some of IG's Saturday night messages. I also, fleetingly, contemplate trying to sleep with her, but it was a literal thought before I ruled it out of hand.
I might be going through a long dry streak (I'll give you a clue - my condoms went out of date last month), but even drunk Ruuude knows that bedding IG would not be worth it in the long run for a couple of hours of enjoyment. And that's something I've always had - no matter how drunk I am, I've never made "drunken mistakes". That's worked against me as well as for me, though.
It was after 11 PM when I started getting messages from IG. She was on a date and it was going badly. Was I out and about to rescue her?
I wasn't, of course, but we swapped messages until she got back home. She probably would have continued messaging but I fell into a drunken sleep around 1 AM.
After IG's offer to join me for some "company" a while back, I've always wondered if there was a hidden agenda to some of IG's Saturday night messages. I also, fleetingly, contemplate trying to sleep with her, but it was a literal thought before I ruled it out of hand.
I might be going through a long dry streak (I'll give you a clue - my condoms went out of date last month), but even drunk Ruuude knows that bedding IG would not be worth it in the long run for a couple of hours of enjoyment. And that's something I've always had - no matter how drunk I am, I've never made "drunken mistakes". That's worked against me as well as for me, though.
Friday, July 20, 2018
Spontaneity.
Years ago, BW pulled up at my house in his car.
"Let's go!" he said.
"Where?" I asked.
"Dunno, let's see where it takes us!"
BW was no more spontaneous than I was. A few hours later and we pull up to a country pub about 70 miles from where I lived.
I knew that BW was working in this area of the country, so this was no coincidence.
It turns out that he had been seeing the daughter of the landlord on the quiet for a few weeks, though I don't think anyone else knew about it. It was, I had been told, a purely physical thing.
So we sat in the corner and drank. After a couple of pints, BW arranged a B&B for us a few miles away as we were too drunk to go anywhere else. And quite unsurprisingly, the girl in question came into the bar. I think she was due to work that night - it was her normal night, but this had changed. I don't know if this was pre-planned with BW or not. Regardless, she sat with us and a few of her friends joined us, too.
It was great fun and I had definite chemistry with a tall, dark-haired girl. BW was getting nowhere with his girl.
Eventually, before the night turned into a lock-in, we were kicked out. We decided to walk back to the B&B, to get some fresh air. As we walked up the road, a taxi pulled alongside. It was the cute brunette.
"I'm going your way. I can drop you off."
I clambered into the car beside her, and BW followed.
The cute brunette was stroking my leg. By the time we arrived at the B&B, it was more than my leg.
"Errrr... you go on in," I said. "I'll be back in a little bit."
BW climbed out and didn't hear the brunette whisper to me "No you won't."
She lived another 10 minutes down the road and by the time we pulled up at her place, we were kissing with hands everywhere.
Suffice to say, I had an extremely entertaining evening, and early morning too.
BW was seething on the way home. I managed to get it out of him that he planned the whole thing to sleep with the landlord's daughter. My laughter didn't last long as the alcohol fuelled evening with practically no sleep eventually took its toll and I slept most of the way home. By the time we arrived back at mine a couple of hours later, he still hadn't cheered up.
I don't know what prompted me to remember that, but it entertained me on the bus on the way home from a long week at work.
"Let's go!" he said.
"Where?" I asked.
"Dunno, let's see where it takes us!"
BW was no more spontaneous than I was. A few hours later and we pull up to a country pub about 70 miles from where I lived.
I knew that BW was working in this area of the country, so this was no coincidence.
It turns out that he had been seeing the daughter of the landlord on the quiet for a few weeks, though I don't think anyone else knew about it. It was, I had been told, a purely physical thing.
So we sat in the corner and drank. After a couple of pints, BW arranged a B&B for us a few miles away as we were too drunk to go anywhere else. And quite unsurprisingly, the girl in question came into the bar. I think she was due to work that night - it was her normal night, but this had changed. I don't know if this was pre-planned with BW or not. Regardless, she sat with us and a few of her friends joined us, too.
It was great fun and I had definite chemistry with a tall, dark-haired girl. BW was getting nowhere with his girl.
Eventually, before the night turned into a lock-in, we were kicked out. We decided to walk back to the B&B, to get some fresh air. As we walked up the road, a taxi pulled alongside. It was the cute brunette.
"I'm going your way. I can drop you off."
I clambered into the car beside her, and BW followed.
The cute brunette was stroking my leg. By the time we arrived at the B&B, it was more than my leg.
"Errrr... you go on in," I said. "I'll be back in a little bit."
BW climbed out and didn't hear the brunette whisper to me "No you won't."
She lived another 10 minutes down the road and by the time we pulled up at her place, we were kissing with hands everywhere.
Suffice to say, I had an extremely entertaining evening, and early morning too.
BW was seething on the way home. I managed to get it out of him that he planned the whole thing to sleep with the landlord's daughter. My laughter didn't last long as the alcohol fuelled evening with practically no sleep eventually took its toll and I slept most of the way home. By the time we arrived back at mine a couple of hours later, he still hadn't cheered up.
I don't know what prompted me to remember that, but it entertained me on the bus on the way home from a long week at work.
Thursday, July 19, 2018
Dream a little dream... or two.
I've had two memorable dreams this week - one good, one bad.
The bad one saw me as Best Man for a guy I knew at school. We weren't close or owt, but we knew each other's names from playing on the school football team. Anyway, the big day comes, I'm Best Man. I get through the wedding ceremony and off we go for the reception. Except, my social anxiety gets the better of me and I spend the entire afternoon and evening on the floor of my hotel room, curled into a ball, stricken in fear. And then I wake up, somewhat shaken.
The other involves a night out with D, FBS etc. Everyone goes home. FBS and I share a taxi. Instead of dropping me off on her way home, FBS wants to see my house as she's not visited yet. Once back at mine, I pour drinks, one thing leads to another and we're having sex. And we have more sex. And by the time she leaves the next day, we've covered every room in the house and are physically satisfied. I woke from this one in a much better mood, albeit quite frustrated. And unlike some of my dreams, this has been a daydream of mine once or twice.
The bad one saw me as Best Man for a guy I knew at school. We weren't close or owt, but we knew each other's names from playing on the school football team. Anyway, the big day comes, I'm Best Man. I get through the wedding ceremony and off we go for the reception. Except, my social anxiety gets the better of me and I spend the entire afternoon and evening on the floor of my hotel room, curled into a ball, stricken in fear. And then I wake up, somewhat shaken.
The other involves a night out with D, FBS etc. Everyone goes home. FBS and I share a taxi. Instead of dropping me off on her way home, FBS wants to see my house as she's not visited yet. Once back at mine, I pour drinks, one thing leads to another and we're having sex. And we have more sex. And by the time she leaves the next day, we've covered every room in the house and are physically satisfied. I woke from this one in a much better mood, albeit quite frustrated. And unlike some of my dreams, this has been a daydream of mine once or twice.
Sigh.
It's easy to tell when things are bad for me - my posting here drops considerably. And I mean "bad" bad. Not bad in a "I wish RB would contact me" bad.
And as you can now infer, I'm not a happy bunny at the moment. It's pretty much nearly all professional, too. KfW2 getting a new job is part of it (or rather, the fallout of her getting a new job). Stalky Guy and his friend AKA The Chosen Ones have been singled out for a promotion (for one of them at least), which isn't really deserved, but one of them could see a 10% pay rise. I've spent the last few years trying to catch up with them in terms of grade and salary, with no "luck" because these two have been in the spotlight for too long.
Meanwhile, I had been advised to cancel PTO this week to make up for the fact that KfW2 has left, nearly half of 2018 has been spent working long hours to did numerous un-missable deadlines and I need a rest. It took only 30 minutes on Monday morning for the previous week's rest to be undone.
In trying to explain to KfW2 that I was still tired, stressed and panicking because of this workload, I think arrived in this morning to an email from her telling me that she didn't like feeling that she had left me "in the lurch". She hasn't - it's my boss's fault that we're in this position and it's up to him to sort out. But, it only takes the perception of criticism (from a professional standpoint) to send KfW2 over the edge.
She'll laugh off criticism of her time-keeping and her ways will remain unchanged, but suggest that she might have done something wrong in work and she will spend weeks proving you wrong.
And that's tiring in itself, but no-one's listening.
KfW2 has known for months that I've been finding things tough, but it never seems to sink in.
I'm having trouble getting out of bed, I explain. Not because I am tired (though I am am mentally exhausted), but because literally, some days, I cannot face work I explain to her. And that's because I am fed up of busting my balls for zero recognition (see above). I don't think she realises the implications of that.
I explain to my boss that I'm on the verge of a panic attack because of the magnitude of the task ahead of me with KfW2's promotion. He sits three metres away - he cannot have failed to hear the hysteria in my voice when I was manic. But his response it to tell me how important this task is, how it has to go well, how it's all on me. It's the very opposite of managing my stress - he's added to it.
Explaining to my boss in a separate meeting that I have far too many deadlines, too much work and not enough time to be able to take (well-earned) PTO. His response is that one of the deadlines I mention has been changed. He's ignored the fact that I've only taken 5 days of leave this year, and he's just implied that he asked me to cut short my PTO by almost half.
I'm not understating these things. I did say those exact things to KfW2. I did have those conversations with my boss using that language (manic, hysteria etc.) and yet they just look at me.
And as you can now infer, I'm not a happy bunny at the moment. It's pretty much nearly all professional, too. KfW2 getting a new job is part of it (or rather, the fallout of her getting a new job). Stalky Guy and his friend AKA The Chosen Ones have been singled out for a promotion (for one of them at least), which isn't really deserved, but one of them could see a 10% pay rise. I've spent the last few years trying to catch up with them in terms of grade and salary, with no "luck" because these two have been in the spotlight for too long.
Meanwhile, I had been advised to cancel PTO this week to make up for the fact that KfW2 has left, nearly half of 2018 has been spent working long hours to did numerous un-missable deadlines and I need a rest. It took only 30 minutes on Monday morning for the previous week's rest to be undone.
In trying to explain to KfW2 that I was still tired, stressed and panicking because of this workload, I think arrived in this morning to an email from her telling me that she didn't like feeling that she had left me "in the lurch". She hasn't - it's my boss's fault that we're in this position and it's up to him to sort out. But, it only takes the perception of criticism (from a professional standpoint) to send KfW2 over the edge.
She'll laugh off criticism of her time-keeping and her ways will remain unchanged, but suggest that she might have done something wrong in work and she will spend weeks proving you wrong.
And that's tiring in itself, but no-one's listening.
KfW2 has known for months that I've been finding things tough, but it never seems to sink in.
I'm having trouble getting out of bed, I explain. Not because I am tired (though I am am mentally exhausted), but because literally, some days, I cannot face work I explain to her. And that's because I am fed up of busting my balls for zero recognition (see above). I don't think she realises the implications of that.
I explain to my boss that I'm on the verge of a panic attack because of the magnitude of the task ahead of me with KfW2's promotion. He sits three metres away - he cannot have failed to hear the hysteria in my voice when I was manic. But his response it to tell me how important this task is, how it has to go well, how it's all on me. It's the very opposite of managing my stress - he's added to it.
Explaining to my boss in a separate meeting that I have far too many deadlines, too much work and not enough time to be able to take (well-earned) PTO. His response is that one of the deadlines I mention has been changed. He's ignored the fact that I've only taken 5 days of leave this year, and he's just implied that he asked me to cut short my PTO by almost half.
I'm not understating these things. I did say those exact things to KfW2. I did have those conversations with my boss using that language (manic, hysteria etc.) and yet they just look at me.
Friday, July 13, 2018
Re-charge.
I had big plans for this week. It was my long awaited, and much needed, week off. It should have been longer - I have loads of PTO still to take and some accrued time as well.
Except, due to recent staffing reductions in my team, I can't take the time off. That may be another post entirely, but suffice to say, I'm more than a little pissed off.
I wanted to get out and do stuff rather than be stuck in the house. I think that's been part of my problem this year - I go to work, I come home and sit in front of the telly or the PC. So with my week off and the good weather, I'd hoped to not sit around the house all week.
Well, I mainly failed. Apart from a lunch date with KfW2 and a trip to Ikea yesterday, I've barely left the house. Potentially, I had a dinner date with CC and a few drinks with FP lined up. It looks like I'm meeting FP tomorrow, but dinner with CC has been pushed out to next week. There is also an outside chance that there may be something with GM and SG on Sunday for the World Cup, but that's yet to be confirmed.
Then it's back to work on Monday and a schedule so busy that I am unlikely to be able to take any time off until probably September.
I don't think a week was enough to re-charge the batteries, but it's helped a little. Enough to get me through to September? We'll see.
Except, due to recent staffing reductions in my team, I can't take the time off. That may be another post entirely, but suffice to say, I'm more than a little pissed off.
I wanted to get out and do stuff rather than be stuck in the house. I think that's been part of my problem this year - I go to work, I come home and sit in front of the telly or the PC. So with my week off and the good weather, I'd hoped to not sit around the house all week.
Well, I mainly failed. Apart from a lunch date with KfW2 and a trip to Ikea yesterday, I've barely left the house. Potentially, I had a dinner date with CC and a few drinks with FP lined up. It looks like I'm meeting FP tomorrow, but dinner with CC has been pushed out to next week. There is also an outside chance that there may be something with GM and SG on Sunday for the World Cup, but that's yet to be confirmed.
Then it's back to work on Monday and a schedule so busy that I am unlikely to be able to take any time off until probably September.
I don't think a week was enough to re-charge the batteries, but it's helped a little. Enough to get me through to September? We'll see.
Tuesday, July 10, 2018
Thanks!
As seems to be the trend this year, it seems to be common to hit "big" anniversaries of events important to me. This one's no different. Today marks the tenth anniversary of meeting RB. In fact, it was around this time of the evening when she first approached myself and FP at the bar.
While things didn't turn out they way I wanted to with RB (and I still kinda wish I'd gotten to sleep with her), it's safe to say that she had big impact on my life. Some things were said in conversation that led me to make big changes in my life.
She won't ever know that she influenced me, but I wanna say "thanks RB". You gave me the kick up the ass that I needed. It's shame you didn't give me anything else, but you were a great kisser and had a great body.
While things didn't turn out they way I wanted to with RB (and I still kinda wish I'd gotten to sleep with her), it's safe to say that she had big impact on my life. Some things were said in conversation that led me to make big changes in my life.
She won't ever know that she influenced me, but I wanna say "thanks RB". You gave me the kick up the ass that I needed. It's shame you didn't give me anything else, but you were a great kisser and had a great body.
Sunday, July 08, 2018
Get back.
Over the past few hours there has been an attractive, sexy woman roaming my house in various states of undress (and dress). Sadly, the woman in question was not anyone I'd met in the pub last night, but was KfW2. And I didn't actually set eyes on the stages of undress. I was ushered away when she took her top off to iron it and I was cooking breakfast when she went to the shower.
And while the above is tongue-in-cheek, it would be nice to report that I had someone stay over.
However, the night out in the pub was good fun. There were fewer people than I expected, FP wasn't there, but that didn't detract from the evening. SG wore a jumpsuit/playsuit that showed off an awful lot of cleavage and was backless as well.
And I did manage to sit with KfW2 and have a good few hours of chat.
That's a combination I can get on board with.
And while the above is tongue-in-cheek, it would be nice to report that I had someone stay over.
However, the night out in the pub was good fun. There were fewer people than I expected, FP wasn't there, but that didn't detract from the evening. SG wore a jumpsuit/playsuit that showed off an awful lot of cleavage and was backless as well.
And I did manage to sit with KfW2 and have a good few hours of chat.
That's a combination I can get on board with.
Saturday, July 07, 2018
Introversion.
I don't usually click on these "articles" that are often shared on Facebook, but BR commented on this, effectively outing himself as an introvert. I'd never pegged BR as an introvert, but I classify myself as one.
So, click on it, I did.
Here's the link, so you can click on it, but the text is below:
‘Rules’ for Being Friends With an Introvert
1. Unless something’s on fire, don’t show up at our home unannounced.
Most extroverts seem to have no trouble suddenly being “on,” and they love — even welcome — an unexpected social surprise. But not so for us introverts. We need time to mentally prepare to see people. And to us, our homes are private spaces where we let down our guard and relax. Do not, I repeat, do not infringe on our sacred space — without getting permission from us in advance.
2. If it’s supposed to be just the two of us, don’t invite other people.
It’s hurtful if we feel like we’re just another warm body in your entourage. We want to mean something to you, because if we’re friends, you mean a lot to us. Due to our limited people energy, we don’t let just anybody into our inner circle. As Adam S. McHugh puts it: “Introverts treasure the close relationships they have stretched so much to make.”
If you have to invite other people, at least give us a heads up. There’s hardly anything worse for introverts than being ambushed by a raucous crowd when they were expecting a quietly intimate chat.
3. Skip the crowd. Hang out with us one-on-one or in a small group.
Want to make an introvert disappear? Put them in a large group of strangers, and they may quietly fade into the background. Pretty soon it’s like they’re not even there.
But when you get introverts alone, it’s a different story. Introverts thrive in intimate settings because when we’re talking to just one person, it drastically reduces our stimulation level — we only have to pay attention to the words, body language, and tone of voice of one person. For our minds, which are already quite busy with the internal stimulation that comes standard with being an introvert, paying attention to one person is plenty.
Plus, one-on-one, it’s easier to talk about more meaningful topics. Group talk tends to revolve around “safe” topics like what you did this weekend or how the new work project is going. Introverts crave diving deep, sharing big ideas, and talking authentically about things that actually matter.
4. Give us a tiny moment of real connection over hours of polite chitchat.
How are you really? What’s actually on your mind? Don’t just say it was a good weekend. Tell us about the existential crisis you had over the fact that you’re getting older and your life isn’t where you thought it would be. We’d rather know what’s going on inside you — what’s really going on — than just see the polished, “social media friendly” front that you display to everyone else.
As Laurie Helgoe writes, “When an introvert cares about someone, she also wants contact, not so much to keep up with the events of the other person’s life, but to keep up with what’s inside: the evolution of ideas, values, thoughts, and feelings.”
5. Encourage us to share our thoughts.
As an introvert, I’ll be the first to admit that I often need encouragement to chime in, especially when I’m with a group of people I don’t know well. Often, I won’t talk about myself or give my opinion about XYZ unless asked. It’s just in my nature to keep my thoughts to myself and only speak if I think I have something of real value to add to the conversation. Honestly, sometimes it just don’t even dawn on me to say what’s running through my mind. Plus, like many introverts, I’ve been cornered by an overly chatty extrovert countless times, so I’m especially sensitive to dominating the conversation. Don’t pry, but do ask how we are or what we think.
6. Don’t judge when we go quiet or get lost in our inner world.
The introvert’s inner world is vivid and alive, and we process things deeply. This means we’re prone to daydreaming, suddenly going quiet, needing extra time for word retrieval, and just all-around getting lost in our thoughts. If we drift off for a moment, or need a few extra beats to think, don’t slap us with a “Helloooooo come back to Earth!” or a “Why are you so quiet?” This will only make us feel extremely self-conscious.
7. Let us talk, too.
I have an extroverted friend who will go on and on about her life if given the chance. Suddenly 20 minutes have gone by and I’ve barely said anything. I like to listen and support her, but of course I have my limits, as all introverts do.
Introverts like to talk, too, but we’re often loathe to interrupt, because we know just what it feels like to have your deep-processing train of thought derailed. Make sure your quiet friend gets their turn, too.
8. We need more than 10 minutes to mentally prepare to hang out.
Spontaneity can be fun, and it has its place. But seriously, we need time to mentally prepare to be “on” — even if it’s with a close friend. Every introvert is different, but I prefer to be asked at least a day in advance.
9. We’re probably going to head home earlier than you. You have to be okay with that.
The introvert hangover is real, so don’t expect us to stay at the party as long as you do (if we go at all).
10. Don’t expect constant contact.
Unlike your more extroverted friends, we’re not going to text you every day — or even every weekend. That doesn’t mean we’ve forgotten about you. On the contrary, you likely float through our busy mind quite a bit when we’re apart. But we know we’ll soon see each other again, and we’d rather catch up in a way that’s meaningful — in person, favorite beverage in hand, one-on-one.
11. Text, don’t call.
It’s no secret that introverts absolutely loathe talking on the phone, so use your “call” feature sparingly.
12. Understand that even though we had fun hanging out yesterday, we probably don’t want to hang out again today.
If you’re an extrovert, socializing energizes you. But we feel tired, even when we enjoy ourselves. That’s because our brain is wired differently than your brain; we don’t get “high” off socializing and excitement like you do. Give us time to recharge, and we’ll want to see you again soon.
13. Seriously, we’ll be at home.
There will be a lot of nights and weekends when we’re just too drained to go out. Trust us when we say it’s nothing personal — we still love having you in our life.
So, those are the rules.
2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8 and 11 especially strike a chord - scarily so. The others less, if at all, but those seven I would say are traits/a mentality that I have.
And I have a strange sense of deja vu posting this.
So, click on it, I did.
Here's the link, so you can click on it, but the text is below:
‘Rules’ for Being Friends With an Introvert
1. Unless something’s on fire, don’t show up at our home unannounced.
Most extroverts seem to have no trouble suddenly being “on,” and they love — even welcome — an unexpected social surprise. But not so for us introverts. We need time to mentally prepare to see people. And to us, our homes are private spaces where we let down our guard and relax. Do not, I repeat, do not infringe on our sacred space — without getting permission from us in advance.
2. If it’s supposed to be just the two of us, don’t invite other people.
It’s hurtful if we feel like we’re just another warm body in your entourage. We want to mean something to you, because if we’re friends, you mean a lot to us. Due to our limited people energy, we don’t let just anybody into our inner circle. As Adam S. McHugh puts it: “Introverts treasure the close relationships they have stretched so much to make.”
If you have to invite other people, at least give us a heads up. There’s hardly anything worse for introverts than being ambushed by a raucous crowd when they were expecting a quietly intimate chat.
3. Skip the crowd. Hang out with us one-on-one or in a small group.
Want to make an introvert disappear? Put them in a large group of strangers, and they may quietly fade into the background. Pretty soon it’s like they’re not even there.
But when you get introverts alone, it’s a different story. Introverts thrive in intimate settings because when we’re talking to just one person, it drastically reduces our stimulation level — we only have to pay attention to the words, body language, and tone of voice of one person. For our minds, which are already quite busy with the internal stimulation that comes standard with being an introvert, paying attention to one person is plenty.
Plus, one-on-one, it’s easier to talk about more meaningful topics. Group talk tends to revolve around “safe” topics like what you did this weekend or how the new work project is going. Introverts crave diving deep, sharing big ideas, and talking authentically about things that actually matter.
4. Give us a tiny moment of real connection over hours of polite chitchat.
How are you really? What’s actually on your mind? Don’t just say it was a good weekend. Tell us about the existential crisis you had over the fact that you’re getting older and your life isn’t where you thought it would be. We’d rather know what’s going on inside you — what’s really going on — than just see the polished, “social media friendly” front that you display to everyone else.
As Laurie Helgoe writes, “When an introvert cares about someone, she also wants contact, not so much to keep up with the events of the other person’s life, but to keep up with what’s inside: the evolution of ideas, values, thoughts, and feelings.”
5. Encourage us to share our thoughts.
As an introvert, I’ll be the first to admit that I often need encouragement to chime in, especially when I’m with a group of people I don’t know well. Often, I won’t talk about myself or give my opinion about XYZ unless asked. It’s just in my nature to keep my thoughts to myself and only speak if I think I have something of real value to add to the conversation. Honestly, sometimes it just don’t even dawn on me to say what’s running through my mind. Plus, like many introverts, I’ve been cornered by an overly chatty extrovert countless times, so I’m especially sensitive to dominating the conversation. Don’t pry, but do ask how we are or what we think.
6. Don’t judge when we go quiet or get lost in our inner world.
The introvert’s inner world is vivid and alive, and we process things deeply. This means we’re prone to daydreaming, suddenly going quiet, needing extra time for word retrieval, and just all-around getting lost in our thoughts. If we drift off for a moment, or need a few extra beats to think, don’t slap us with a “Helloooooo come back to Earth!” or a “Why are you so quiet?” This will only make us feel extremely self-conscious.
7. Let us talk, too.
I have an extroverted friend who will go on and on about her life if given the chance. Suddenly 20 minutes have gone by and I’ve barely said anything. I like to listen and support her, but of course I have my limits, as all introverts do.
Introverts like to talk, too, but we’re often loathe to interrupt, because we know just what it feels like to have your deep-processing train of thought derailed. Make sure your quiet friend gets their turn, too.
8. We need more than 10 minutes to mentally prepare to hang out.
Spontaneity can be fun, and it has its place. But seriously, we need time to mentally prepare to be “on” — even if it’s with a close friend. Every introvert is different, but I prefer to be asked at least a day in advance.
9. We’re probably going to head home earlier than you. You have to be okay with that.
The introvert hangover is real, so don’t expect us to stay at the party as long as you do (if we go at all).
10. Don’t expect constant contact.
Unlike your more extroverted friends, we’re not going to text you every day — or even every weekend. That doesn’t mean we’ve forgotten about you. On the contrary, you likely float through our busy mind quite a bit when we’re apart. But we know we’ll soon see each other again, and we’d rather catch up in a way that’s meaningful — in person, favorite beverage in hand, one-on-one.
11. Text, don’t call.
It’s no secret that introverts absolutely loathe talking on the phone, so use your “call” feature sparingly.
12. Understand that even though we had fun hanging out yesterday, we probably don’t want to hang out again today.
If you’re an extrovert, socializing energizes you. But we feel tired, even when we enjoy ourselves. That’s because our brain is wired differently than your brain; we don’t get “high” off socializing and excitement like you do. Give us time to recharge, and we’ll want to see you again soon.
13. Seriously, we’ll be at home.
There will be a lot of nights and weekends when we’re just too drained to go out. Trust us when we say it’s nothing personal — we still love having you in our life.
So, those are the rules.
2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8 and 11 especially strike a chord - scarily so. The others less, if at all, but those seven I would say are traits/a mentality that I have.
And I have a strange sense of deja vu posting this.
Thursday, July 05, 2018
Juggling
KfW2 started her new job recently and I've been picking up the pieces. Quite literally.
I may have pointed out that I had concerns about KfW2 moving off - her preparation, knowledge sharing and training was non-existent and that turned out to be true.
I was left holding a particular difficult baby who needed lots of care and attention. And as if that wasn't bad enough, KfW2 would pipe up every now and again and "remind" me of yet another task to add to the already-large list.
And it's not like the stuff she had left me was in good condition - it wasn't and I've been trying to fix things all this week.
It's been stressful - I've been literally panicking all week, trying to juggle an ever-increasing list of urgent items.
There was a specific state I wanted to be in by the end of tomorrow, but that's looking unlikely, even with KfW2's help.
Juggling lots of things is something I'm not good at, especially under pressure and that's coupled with trying to learn extremely technical things at the same time.
I'm due some holiday time, but that might have to be shortened to make up for the fact that I'm nearly a week behind where KfW2 told our boss we would be.
I have spoken to my boss, though I wasn't pointing the finger of blame, it was more about trying to manage my stress. Sadly, my boss was more interested in getting the work done.
He doesn't really understand though. Deadline after deadline this year with little time for holidays is taking its toll, just as it did last year. I need this time off, so I am definitely taking a week, though it should be two weeks.
It could all turn out OK - I could get a load of work done tomorrow and can leave work on schedule, but that's not been the case this week.
The last thing I needed this week was stress. I was hoping that KfW2 and I could get 90% of the outstanding work done and this week would be a tidying up and winding down period. But that was before I knew that KfW2 didn't have a complete "to do" list written down, that we were under-estimating the amount of work needed (that was on the list) and that we'd be continually side-tracked by unnecessary distractions.
Sigh.
I love working beside KfW2, but working with her is another matter.
I may have pointed out that I had concerns about KfW2 moving off - her preparation, knowledge sharing and training was non-existent and that turned out to be true.
I was left holding a particular difficult baby who needed lots of care and attention. And as if that wasn't bad enough, KfW2 would pipe up every now and again and "remind" me of yet another task to add to the already-large list.
And it's not like the stuff she had left me was in good condition - it wasn't and I've been trying to fix things all this week.
It's been stressful - I've been literally panicking all week, trying to juggle an ever-increasing list of urgent items.
There was a specific state I wanted to be in by the end of tomorrow, but that's looking unlikely, even with KfW2's help.
Juggling lots of things is something I'm not good at, especially under pressure and that's coupled with trying to learn extremely technical things at the same time.
I'm due some holiday time, but that might have to be shortened to make up for the fact that I'm nearly a week behind where KfW2 told our boss we would be.
I have spoken to my boss, though I wasn't pointing the finger of blame, it was more about trying to manage my stress. Sadly, my boss was more interested in getting the work done.
He doesn't really understand though. Deadline after deadline this year with little time for holidays is taking its toll, just as it did last year. I need this time off, so I am definitely taking a week, though it should be two weeks.
It could all turn out OK - I could get a load of work done tomorrow and can leave work on schedule, but that's not been the case this week.
The last thing I needed this week was stress. I was hoping that KfW2 and I could get 90% of the outstanding work done and this week would be a tidying up and winding down period. But that was before I knew that KfW2 didn't have a complete "to do" list written down, that we were under-estimating the amount of work needed (that was on the list) and that we'd be continually side-tracked by unnecessary distractions.
Sigh.
I love working beside KfW2, but working with her is another matter.
Sunday, July 01, 2018
Memories
It was E's birthday yesterday. A milestone one, too. I always think fondly to the times when I used to take her out for her birthday. Regardless of whether it was here, in our home town, or another UK city where she lived, we followed the same routine (her choice):
Out for lunch
Find a nice pub
Drink and chat
Find another pub for dinner
Play pool
Drink
Go home
They were always brilliant days out. Those are behind us now - E's got a family and lives too far away for these to be an option any longer, but the memory of those days brought a smile to my face yesterday.
I only realised that it was a milestone yesterday otherwise I'd have put in some effort to at least send a card, if not an actual gift.
Out for lunch
Find a nice pub
Drink and chat
Find another pub for dinner
Play pool
Drink
Go home
They were always brilliant days out. Those are behind us now - E's got a family and lives too far away for these to be an option any longer, but the memory of those days brought a smile to my face yesterday.
I only realised that it was a milestone yesterday otherwise I'd have put in some effort to at least send a card, if not an actual gift.
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