It's the final countdown to the big holiday event and it's been a stressful week. Things went wrong in work which meant really long hours on Monday and Tuesday and the ongoing work issues haven't help in both my boss refusing to acknowledge the efforts that were put in over those two days and refusing to accept the criticism that's recently been levelled at him (he accepts some, but has rejected the majority of it as unimportant).
Not helping this has been CC's complete lack of willingness to take control over any part of the holiday that can be shared. Travel to and from the airport at both ends, a wedding gift (KfW2 doesn't want wedding presents, but that's not gonna happen on my watch) and just now, CC called and asked if I could get a wedding card (this was the one thing she was going to do herself... now she's going to the corner shop to get one instead of going to a proper card shop).
It's like having a girlfriend and not getting any sex out of it.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Monday, June 24, 2013
Damned timing.
I bumped into GB today on the way to tea break. She mentioned that she was going to a singles night tomorrow night and asked if I wanted to go with her and her friends.
Now, my opinion of GB has diminished a lot with the lack of effort involved with CB, but this kind of singles night is really the kind of thing that I'd like to investigate... though I had thought it would always be with GM, if anyone.
That still might be the case as I had already arranged to see my sister and her family tomorrow night before I go on holiday later in the week. If I hadn't already made those arrangements, then I would have gone to this event.
Now, my opinion of GB has diminished a lot with the lack of effort involved with CB, but this kind of singles night is really the kind of thing that I'd like to investigate... though I had thought it would always be with GM, if anyone.
That still might be the case as I had already arranged to see my sister and her family tomorrow night before I go on holiday later in the week. If I hadn't already made those arrangements, then I would have gone to this event.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Deja Vu.
I needed to do some clothes shopping this weekend in preparation for going away for KfW2's wedding trip. I have little confidence in myself when it comes to buying smarter kinds of clothes and I pretty much need a new suit.
I asked DSC to accompany me, partly for ideas etc. and partly to tell me if something I've picked looks good or not. I've made more than a few fashion faux pas in the past. We originally pencilled in Sunday for a shopping trip when DSC text to change arrangements to the Saturday instead.
She's in stinking form, by her own admission - relationship issues, divorce proceedings etc. all ganging up at once, so had already cancelled one social engagement (not with me) that had freed up her Saturday afternoon. She was going to come up at 10AM. I asked her to leave it an hour as I was due to be heading out with FP (which I did do in the end) and she abruptly changed her mind.
I'm getting fed up with these mood swings of DSC's that often keep her isolated and away from people. When she's in one of these moods she's even more irrational than usual and really hard work.I'm the opposite though... I like to be out and about with people when I'm down. I don't necessarily feel the need to talk about any issues, but the act of being with other people often helps me feel better, so I guess I find it hard to understand why people feel the same way as DSC.
There's also the matter of timing. My own friends situation is still playing on my mind, so DSC being mardy and unhelpful, even with good reason, has pissed me off. I might back off from DSC, even though I can't really afford to jettison friends right now, but I am fed up of her constant misery and negativity.
I asked DSC to accompany me, partly for ideas etc. and partly to tell me if something I've picked looks good or not. I've made more than a few fashion faux pas in the past. We originally pencilled in Sunday for a shopping trip when DSC text to change arrangements to the Saturday instead.
She's in stinking form, by her own admission - relationship issues, divorce proceedings etc. all ganging up at once, so had already cancelled one social engagement (not with me) that had freed up her Saturday afternoon. She was going to come up at 10AM. I asked her to leave it an hour as I was due to be heading out with FP (which I did do in the end) and she abruptly changed her mind.
I'm getting fed up with these mood swings of DSC's that often keep her isolated and away from people. When she's in one of these moods she's even more irrational than usual and really hard work.I'm the opposite though... I like to be out and about with people when I'm down. I don't necessarily feel the need to talk about any issues, but the act of being with other people often helps me feel better, so I guess I find it hard to understand why people feel the same way as DSC.
There's also the matter of timing. My own friends situation is still playing on my mind, so DSC being mardy and unhelpful, even with good reason, has pissed me off. I might back off from DSC, even though I can't really afford to jettison friends right now, but I am fed up of her constant misery and negativity.
You have to wonder...
JB messaged me a few weeks ago and asked me to come to her birthday bash. It was slightly out of the blue - JB and I banter away, but I would hardly describe us as close. She was in contact on Friday to confirm and as part of our conversation, suggested that S was invited along so she could matchmake with a friend of hers.
When I turned up to the restaurant last night, she admited that she hadn't been in contact with S, but I should text him. I sent a text suggesting he met us in a bar that he usually frequents, but he declined, having already made other arrangements. He did seem quite insistent that we all (there was about a dozen of us) went and joined him and his friends, which I said was definitely not happening.
I wonder what he'll say tomorrow when I tell him that JB was going to set him up with a girl who turned out to be a very attractive brunette.
It's that kind of thing that has made me be a little more flexible in not automatically saying "no" when something outside of my comfort zone is arranged. Who knows what I've missed out on sometimes by being inflexible and sitting in when called at short notice to go out?
When I turned up to the restaurant last night, she admited that she hadn't been in contact with S, but I should text him. I sent a text suggesting he met us in a bar that he usually frequents, but he declined, having already made other arrangements. He did seem quite insistent that we all (there was about a dozen of us) went and joined him and his friends, which I said was definitely not happening.
I wonder what he'll say tomorrow when I tell him that JB was going to set him up with a girl who turned out to be a very attractive brunette.
It's that kind of thing that has made me be a little more flexible in not automatically saying "no" when something outside of my comfort zone is arranged. Who knows what I've missed out on sometimes by being inflexible and sitting in when called at short notice to go out?
Sunday, June 16, 2013
*deep breath*
I think there's an issue in my life where an awful lot of things are building up at around the same time and some of them are interlinked, making them (seem) worse than perhaps they are...
I've always had the opinion that in most of my friendships, I perhaps devote more time than others. Mostly because my friendships are very important to me, but partly because, for the most part, I've lead a single existence and therefore have more free time.
I also seem to be the most socially minded (possibly because of the single existence thing above), so nights out, especially with groups of people, are usually my idea.
So when my friendships don't manage to "pay back" in the incredibly infrequent time I ask for favours etc. then I start to get a little down. For example: trying to get GM out for a chat (though I might be a little harsh here and I haven't specifically said that I want a chat) or the GB/CB thing from the start of the year.
Which obviously takes me on to the CB thing and the desire to meet someone. I don't know if the desire is specifically to meet someone, a girlfriend, or if it's just a general malaise brought on by the friends thing above. I suspect a combination of both, but probably trending towards the latter - I do think I would like to meet someone. Part of me thinks the CB thing is not dead in the water yet and I've no other "options" on the horizon. I found an MSN conversation on my laptop a few days ago from the time when I was leading up to meeting Date No. 1 for the first time that brought back a few pangs (she was really quite cute and easy to talk to).
This is all in the run up to KfW2's wedding. While I have an unofficial date in CC, there are specific times were being single is a real drag - Christmas/New Year and weddings are the two that spring to mind. Plus, I'm looking beyond the wedding - KfW2 would like to have kids with her new hubby and I don't see them hanging around, so the nights out that I currently have with KfW2 are going to disappear very quickly, I think.
Wrap all that up into one little ball over the past six months and you can see how that's going to hit me. I'm not saying I'm depressed, but it hasn't put me in the greatest of moods.
And that's only one aspect. There is also the work thing, which should be coming to a head within the next two weeks, but the longer it takes, the less confidence I will have in the proper outcome. In addition, I've just completed a large project which has taken the edge of some of the stress and concern, but I am still busy at work. I like being busy, but I don't like the feeling that matters outside of my control are having a direct, daily influence on me.
Given KfW2 and CH's recent comments, both of the above two main factors have had a real impact on my mood over the past few months, probably much more than I actually realised.
There are two other issues, not as major, but still playing on my mind. I have body issues - nothing to do with fitness or weight loss, but something that's played on my mind more and more over the past six months or so. It's been an issue for probably a dozen or so years, but I think it's getting worse. It's not life threatening, just cosmetic, but I think it's having an effect on my confidence when trying to meet women (or more accurately, when it looks like I might actually get a cute girl into bed).
The latter, which I think stems from my childhood, is that most of my friends are younger than I am - possibly 80% of them are significantly younger. GM is just over thirty, CH is early thirties, S is early thirties, KfW2 is mid-thirties. I think this stems from when our family had a summer holiday home. During the summer season, we'd pack up at every opportunity and spend every bit of free time at the holiday home. I had two sets of friends from the time I was eight until I was seventeen. The people I knew at the holiday home were much younger than I was. I think this set a precedent, because since then, I've always managed to meet/click with people younger than myself.
If you couple that with a couple of disastrous (read: lazy) years in school when I didn't manage to get myself to university until I was in my mid-twenties, in my more down moments, I sometimes consider that my life is about five years behind what it possibly should be across all aspects of my life - personal, professional etc.
The thought of being a forty-plus year old, single man, living in rented accommodation and relying on people almost ten years his junior for a social life is not filling me with positive emotions.
Most of the above things have been a concern in isolation at one point or another over the course of my adult life. It's just that, for one reason or another, they all seem to be cropping up now. It could well be that having a more active social life means that being single is less important. Or that dating someone means that relying on FP or GM, for example, is much less important. Perhaps if the work thing gets resolved to my satisfaction, then everything else will just sort itself (as I believe the work thing is arguably the biggest influence on me at this moment in time).
I think it will all pass or get sorted in time... it would be nice if I could actually go out and do something about it though.
I've always had the opinion that in most of my friendships, I perhaps devote more time than others. Mostly because my friendships are very important to me, but partly because, for the most part, I've lead a single existence and therefore have more free time.
I also seem to be the most socially minded (possibly because of the single existence thing above), so nights out, especially with groups of people, are usually my idea.
So when my friendships don't manage to "pay back" in the incredibly infrequent time I ask for favours etc. then I start to get a little down. For example: trying to get GM out for a chat (though I might be a little harsh here and I haven't specifically said that I want a chat) or the GB/CB thing from the start of the year.
Which obviously takes me on to the CB thing and the desire to meet someone. I don't know if the desire is specifically to meet someone, a girlfriend, or if it's just a general malaise brought on by the friends thing above. I suspect a combination of both, but probably trending towards the latter - I do think I would like to meet someone. Part of me thinks the CB thing is not dead in the water yet and I've no other "options" on the horizon. I found an MSN conversation on my laptop a few days ago from the time when I was leading up to meeting Date No. 1 for the first time that brought back a few pangs (she was really quite cute and easy to talk to).
This is all in the run up to KfW2's wedding. While I have an unofficial date in CC, there are specific times were being single is a real drag - Christmas/New Year and weddings are the two that spring to mind. Plus, I'm looking beyond the wedding - KfW2 would like to have kids with her new hubby and I don't see them hanging around, so the nights out that I currently have with KfW2 are going to disappear very quickly, I think.
Wrap all that up into one little ball over the past six months and you can see how that's going to hit me. I'm not saying I'm depressed, but it hasn't put me in the greatest of moods.
And that's only one aspect. There is also the work thing, which should be coming to a head within the next two weeks, but the longer it takes, the less confidence I will have in the proper outcome. In addition, I've just completed a large project which has taken the edge of some of the stress and concern, but I am still busy at work. I like being busy, but I don't like the feeling that matters outside of my control are having a direct, daily influence on me.
Given KfW2 and CH's recent comments, both of the above two main factors have had a real impact on my mood over the past few months, probably much more than I actually realised.
There are two other issues, not as major, but still playing on my mind. I have body issues - nothing to do with fitness or weight loss, but something that's played on my mind more and more over the past six months or so. It's been an issue for probably a dozen or so years, but I think it's getting worse. It's not life threatening, just cosmetic, but I think it's having an effect on my confidence when trying to meet women (or more accurately, when it looks like I might actually get a cute girl into bed).
The latter, which I think stems from my childhood, is that most of my friends are younger than I am - possibly 80% of them are significantly younger. GM is just over thirty, CH is early thirties, S is early thirties, KfW2 is mid-thirties. I think this stems from when our family had a summer holiday home. During the summer season, we'd pack up at every opportunity and spend every bit of free time at the holiday home. I had two sets of friends from the time I was eight until I was seventeen. The people I knew at the holiday home were much younger than I was. I think this set a precedent, because since then, I've always managed to meet/click with people younger than myself.
If you couple that with a couple of disastrous (read: lazy) years in school when I didn't manage to get myself to university until I was in my mid-twenties, in my more down moments, I sometimes consider that my life is about five years behind what it possibly should be across all aspects of my life - personal, professional etc.
The thought of being a forty-plus year old, single man, living in rented accommodation and relying on people almost ten years his junior for a social life is not filling me with positive emotions.
Most of the above things have been a concern in isolation at one point or another over the course of my adult life. It's just that, for one reason or another, they all seem to be cropping up now. It could well be that having a more active social life means that being single is less important. Or that dating someone means that relying on FP or GM, for example, is much less important. Perhaps if the work thing gets resolved to my satisfaction, then everything else will just sort itself (as I believe the work thing is arguably the biggest influence on me at this moment in time).
I think it will all pass or get sorted in time... it would be nice if I could actually go out and do something about it though.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Saturday night fever.
Another week, another Saturday night in the house. This time, I think, I will be sober. I thought I had arranged to get FP out tonight for a much-needed catch up, but he's cancelled on me (though suggested tomorrow, which makes me think this is more powerplaying from him rather than an inability to make it out tonight) and I've text GM on the off chance he might be interested, but no dice there.
I've even taken the (unusual for me) step of inviting myself to his with a carry out, because GB wouldn't be about (he shares a house with GB) as she's off on holiday, but he's not even having that either.
To be honest, while I'm not big on the "feeling sorry for myself" kinda thing, this is starting to wear me down. FP is frustrating, but GM is the one who has made himself unavailable for pretty much the past few weeks, and it's starting to get annoying.
I've even taken the (unusual for me) step of inviting myself to his with a carry out, because GB wouldn't be about (he shares a house with GB) as she's off on holiday, but he's not even having that either.
To be honest, while I'm not big on the "feeling sorry for myself" kinda thing, this is starting to wear me down. FP is frustrating, but GM is the one who has made himself unavailable for pretty much the past few weeks, and it's starting to get annoying.
Friday, June 14, 2013
More talking. Happy Talk.
I grabbed a quick coffee with CH earlier today. I don't usually see her on a Friday, but she was floating around the office and she needed to pay off a favour I did for her last week.
We were sitting round a table, just the two of us and she mentioned, just as KfW2 had done a few weeks ago, that it was clear that I have been quite unhappy over the past few months. I said that it was work-related and she agreed. She said that she felt that the ongoing problem had consumed me and was hoping (as I was) that it will be resolved within the next two weeks.
I have mentioned that I can't recall anyone ever taking an interest in my life as much before to actually tell me that they're concerned in the way that KfW2 and now CH have done. Is it because they're tuned in better to who I am or is it because my unhappiness is a lot more obvious/serious than I actually thought it was?
We were sitting round a table, just the two of us and she mentioned, just as KfW2 had done a few weeks ago, that it was clear that I have been quite unhappy over the past few months. I said that it was work-related and she agreed. She said that she felt that the ongoing problem had consumed me and was hoping (as I was) that it will be resolved within the next two weeks.
I have mentioned that I can't recall anyone ever taking an interest in my life as much before to actually tell me that they're concerned in the way that KfW2 and now CH have done. Is it because they're tuned in better to who I am or is it because my unhappiness is a lot more obvious/serious than I actually thought it was?
Blogging introspective.
I don't post here as much as I like. Sometimes it's because I simply lose track of the time since I last posted, sometimes I have nothing to say and sometimes, I have something to say, but don't know how to phrase the post. Most of the time I post here, it's because I want to get something off my mind, or I'm thinking things through but have no-one to hand to talk it in a real-time, face to face way, so I get it posted and read it back later. In an ideal world, there might be comments, but I can only recall about half a dozen in seven years of blogging.
It has mixed results, to be honest. Talking it through (with myself) is obviously a very one-sided way of doing things whereas if you're talking it through with other people, then you have two or three different viewpoints and feedback to take on board and process. However, the nature of some of the things I post about here, I'd really not discuss with others.
With that in mind, there are some posts on this blog that I don't think are very accurate to an outsider looking in or are, at best, incomplete. I don't tend to write overly detailed posts - they're mostly short and sweet - 15 minutes of typing and posting that manage to get the gist of what I want to say/figure out. Sometimes, it takes a two way flow of chat before things become clearer. For example, years ago, after I came back from visiting E, my feelings towards her were a bit ambivalent (they always were, to be honest). I had a prolonged chat with USHW by email where I think I eventually figured things out, but I only got to that point because USHW was asking questions that I'd not considered.
This post was prompted by the conversation that DSC and I had the other day about my dating (or lack thereof). It's obviously something that does bug me from time to time, and while we reached no actual conclusion, it did seem at the time that were at least moving forward. Whether we actually were or not is immaterial, because it felt like were were at the time.
It has mixed results, to be honest. Talking it through (with myself) is obviously a very one-sided way of doing things whereas if you're talking it through with other people, then you have two or three different viewpoints and feedback to take on board and process. However, the nature of some of the things I post about here, I'd really not discuss with others.
With that in mind, there are some posts on this blog that I don't think are very accurate to an outsider looking in or are, at best, incomplete. I don't tend to write overly detailed posts - they're mostly short and sweet - 15 minutes of typing and posting that manage to get the gist of what I want to say/figure out. Sometimes, it takes a two way flow of chat before things become clearer. For example, years ago, after I came back from visiting E, my feelings towards her were a bit ambivalent (they always were, to be honest). I had a prolonged chat with USHW by email where I think I eventually figured things out, but I only got to that point because USHW was asking questions that I'd not considered.
This post was prompted by the conversation that DSC and I had the other day about my dating (or lack thereof). It's obviously something that does bug me from time to time, and while we reached no actual conclusion, it did seem at the time that were at least moving forward. Whether we actually were or not is immaterial, because it felt like were were at the time.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
"...in the middle of our street"
UF was due to contact the landlord about six weeks ago to confirm that he was leaving the apartment and to ask if it was OK if myself and MfW could stay on and get another tenant in to replace him. Everything went quiet until today when the letting agent called me to ask if we were going to renew the lease.
It became apparent that UF hadn't made any of the contact that he should have done. I should have known really... we ran into similar issues when we last had to move house and UF wasn't very forthcoming with information (he was the landlord's go-to guy with regards to contact).
The landlord also mentioned a slight rent increase and, immediately, MfW is onto property websites to see what others in the complex are paying. I've said before that he appears to judge value on what others pay, not what he thinks things are worth.
It's now looking like a semi-stressful summer instead of something more chilled, which is what I was hoping for.
It became apparent that UF hadn't made any of the contact that he should have done. I should have known really... we ran into similar issues when we last had to move house and UF wasn't very forthcoming with information (he was the landlord's go-to guy with regards to contact).
The landlord also mentioned a slight rent increase and, immediately, MfW is onto property websites to see what others in the complex are paying. I've said before that he appears to judge value on what others pay, not what he thinks things are worth.
It's now looking like a semi-stressful summer instead of something more chilled, which is what I was hoping for.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Ho hum.
Sometimes I get little notions in my head... someone will say something or I'll read something somewhere that will provoke a little thought. More often than not, I'll not even follow it through with a post here, but sometimes little ideas won't go away and I have to type something out.
Typically, these are drafted or deleted as I lose interest halfway through or get sidetracked or simply can't find the words to articulate what I want to say. A case in point is a post I made in May about 'rules' that started off well, but then just got random and I never quite got across what I was thinking. It was a shame because I think there was a bit in there worthy of thought or discussion which is probably why I posted it despite the obvious poor quality and the fact it didn't quite make sense.
Articulating what I want to say is not usually an issue, I hope, when posting here in general, or in conversations with USHW. I have more confidence posting here than I do talking to people in my life, and I wish that weren't the case. I wish I could just sit down and tell KfW2 that GB annoyed me because she made no effort to chase up something I was very optimistic about. Or be able to just sit down and have a conversation with QC2 without her having to drive the initial bit.
Also, I can say, here on BN, that part of me would still like to meet CB even after 5 months, but I don't know if I could ever say it to, say KfW2 or GM unless they brought it up first. That's more of a self-confidence thing rather than an inability to articulate myself, which I am usually pretty good at.
I really wish I could address that rather than waiting for someone to ask the right question or get onto the right subject.
Typically, these are drafted or deleted as I lose interest halfway through or get sidetracked or simply can't find the words to articulate what I want to say. A case in point is a post I made in May about 'rules' that started off well, but then just got random and I never quite got across what I was thinking. It was a shame because I think there was a bit in there worthy of thought or discussion which is probably why I posted it despite the obvious poor quality and the fact it didn't quite make sense.
Articulating what I want to say is not usually an issue, I hope, when posting here in general, or in conversations with USHW. I have more confidence posting here than I do talking to people in my life, and I wish that weren't the case. I wish I could just sit down and tell KfW2 that GB annoyed me because she made no effort to chase up something I was very optimistic about. Or be able to just sit down and have a conversation with QC2 without her having to drive the initial bit.
Also, I can say, here on BN, that part of me would still like to meet CB even after 5 months, but I don't know if I could ever say it to, say KfW2 or GM unless they brought it up first. That's more of a self-confidence thing rather than an inability to articulate myself, which I am usually pretty good at.
I really wish I could address that rather than waiting for someone to ask the right question or get onto the right subject.
Monday, June 10, 2013
LOL.
"Would you give her one?" asked CH.
I looked her straight in the eye.
"Under different circumstances, of course. She's a stunning looking woman. Just my type, too."
"Yeah, if I were that way inclined, I'd definitely give her one" she said, wistfully.
The subject of this particular conversation? KfW2. CH and her friend, OK, were quizzing me on my friendship with KfW2. In particular, OK seemed very interested in my invite to the wedding and the lengths (and expense) I was going to to attend, asking several questions about whether KfW2 and I were close etc.
It kinda trailed off after that, but that particular aspect of the conversation amused me. Partly because, even now, having known me for a while, I don't think CH expected me to admit to it.
I looked her straight in the eye.
"Under different circumstances, of course. She's a stunning looking woman. Just my type, too."
"Yeah, if I were that way inclined, I'd definitely give her one" she said, wistfully.
The subject of this particular conversation? KfW2. CH and her friend, OK, were quizzing me on my friendship with KfW2. In particular, OK seemed very interested in my invite to the wedding and the lengths (and expense) I was going to to attend, asking several questions about whether KfW2 and I were close etc.
It kinda trailed off after that, but that particular aspect of the conversation amused me. Partly because, even now, having known me for a while, I don't think CH expected me to admit to it.
Sunday, June 09, 2013
*sigh*
The friends thing has been bugging me a little over the past few months. GB, mainly, because of several things, but there are other things going on too. If you ask me for a list of my strengths, one of the things I would list is that I consider myself to be a good friend. I pour a lot into my friendships, and I guess I expect the same off people in return which is why things like the GB "saga" annoy me so much. I've already jettisoned a few people over the past few years because they were taking up too much time for no reward.
For the past few weeks, I've been trying to get S and GM out for a few drinks, but they've always had some excuse. S especially has been frustrating, because he's not hidden the fact that he definitely puts his core group of friends first.
GM is slightly different, but there's no less frustration there given that I've wanted to talk to him about the GB/CB thing, but getting him out has been, IMO, far too difficult.
The KfW2 thing that was supposedly cancelled, was briefly on the cards once more before being ruled out again. I'm trying to find the right opportunity to have a chat with her about FA2 and maybe expand that to the "finding someone" conversation... but most of our talking is done in work, which is not the right environment (though if it did come up, I would chat, otherwise who knows when the opportunity will arise).
What with everyone else maintaining a low profile or being unavailable, I wasn't in the greatest form last night. Following on from my post on Friday I was feeling just a little bit sorry for myself and a little bit lonely. I guess it's something that's been at the back of my mind recently, but the combination of alcohol and mood have made me recognise it for what it is.
For the past few weeks, I've been trying to get S and GM out for a few drinks, but they've always had some excuse. S especially has been frustrating, because he's not hidden the fact that he definitely puts his core group of friends first.
GM is slightly different, but there's no less frustration there given that I've wanted to talk to him about the GB/CB thing, but getting him out has been, IMO, far too difficult.
The KfW2 thing that was supposedly cancelled, was briefly on the cards once more before being ruled out again. I'm trying to find the right opportunity to have a chat with her about FA2 and maybe expand that to the "finding someone" conversation... but most of our talking is done in work, which is not the right environment (though if it did come up, I would chat, otherwise who knows when the opportunity will arise).
What with everyone else maintaining a low profile or being unavailable, I wasn't in the greatest form last night. Following on from my post on Friday I was feeling just a little bit sorry for myself and a little bit lonely. I guess it's something that's been at the back of my mind recently, but the combination of alcohol and mood have made me recognise it for what it is.
Friday, June 07, 2013
Oh FFS.
Already the KfW2 plans have fallen apart as her original plans look to have solidified into something definite. S has cried off a proposed trip out because he's on airport duty for his parents and GM is, once again, playing the "skint" card.
M and MM are appalling at even replying to text messages - I've not heard from them in months, barring a last-minute invite to a party that I couldn't attend plus with a young child, they're not exactly reliable for last minute plans. FP's out of the country.
It's probably our nicest day of the year so far - sunny, warm, a slight breeze just to keep things fresh, and everyone seems to be in a good mood, but I'm probably going to spend my Friday evening in the house watching the telly or mooching about on the internet because I can't find one person who thinks that a trip to the pub might be a good idea.
M and MM are appalling at even replying to text messages - I've not heard from them in months, barring a last-minute invite to a party that I couldn't attend plus with a young child, they're not exactly reliable for last minute plans. FP's out of the country.
It's probably our nicest day of the year so far - sunny, warm, a slight breeze just to keep things fresh, and everyone seems to be in a good mood, but I'm probably going to spend my Friday evening in the house watching the telly or mooching about on the internet because I can't find one person who thinks that a trip to the pub might be a good idea.
Wednesday, June 05, 2013
Big deep breaths
It's been a somewhat up and down week so far... the weather has been amazing here, which is always a huge mood booster, plus a definite positive step has been taken to ensure that the work troubles might not last too much longer - though I feel things will get worse before they get better.
I have tentative plans about getting KfW2 out for some socialising at some point this weekend, but the ball is very much in her court and still very much up in the air. I thought I'd managed to re-arrange my postponed night out with QC2 from a few weeks ago for tomorrow night but it seems that there's an imminent death in the family, so that's already been postponed again.
I also keep trying to get GM out for a chat, but it's strangely difficult for some reason. I might try again for this weekend, given the amazing weather - if nothing else he might come out for a bit of a perv as the women are likely to be out in force.
Still... I have a sunny weekend ahead and hopefully a few extra days off next week to think about.
I have tentative plans about getting KfW2 out for some socialising at some point this weekend, but the ball is very much in her court and still very much up in the air. I thought I'd managed to re-arrange my postponed night out with QC2 from a few weeks ago for tomorrow night but it seems that there's an imminent death in the family, so that's already been postponed again.
I also keep trying to get GM out for a chat, but it's strangely difficult for some reason. I might try again for this weekend, given the amazing weather - if nothing else he might come out for a bit of a perv as the women are likely to be out in force.
Still... I have a sunny weekend ahead and hopefully a few extra days off next week to think about.
Sunday, June 02, 2013
Things that make you go "hmmm" Part 2
Off the back of KfW2's comments about how I've not been myself over the past few months, I've been giving it some thought this weekend, in between having a fairly extensive converation about all sorts with USHW. As any regular reader will undoubtedly know that the two main issues are (roughly) work and my relationship status.
While I have frequently bemoaned the CB/relationship thing here, the main current issue I have is the work thing. I have serious concerns that this isn't going to get fixed soon, even though it should all be resolved by the end of August. If it doesn't get resolved then I will have proper reservations about the company I work for and their preference for a manager who's bad at his job rather than twenty people who are. I think this is a much bigger issue for me than I previously realised (or even that I've described above).
The relationship thing is still another issue that has brought other things to light (issues with friends who don't give as much as I do, for example) and while I've had the house to myself this weekend and really enjoyed the peace and quiet, there was always a little niggle at the back of my mind about spending it alone, even though I got tonnes of stuff done and generally chilled out.
USHW has suggested I need to open up more to KfW2 (well, probably everyone, but ultimately, USHW thinks she's the best person to talk it through with) and I agree mostly. I just don't find it that easy.
While I have frequently bemoaned the CB/relationship thing here, the main current issue I have is the work thing. I have serious concerns that this isn't going to get fixed soon, even though it should all be resolved by the end of August. If it doesn't get resolved then I will have proper reservations about the company I work for and their preference for a manager who's bad at his job rather than twenty people who are. I think this is a much bigger issue for me than I previously realised (or even that I've described above).
The relationship thing is still another issue that has brought other things to light (issues with friends who don't give as much as I do, for example) and while I've had the house to myself this weekend and really enjoyed the peace and quiet, there was always a little niggle at the back of my mind about spending it alone, even though I got tonnes of stuff done and generally chilled out.
USHW has suggested I need to open up more to KfW2 (well, probably everyone, but ultimately, USHW thinks she's the best person to talk it through with) and I agree mostly. I just don't find it that easy.
Things that make you go "hmmm"
Ages ago, after one of my chatty nights out with KfW2, I had started a post telling the story of my relationship with FA2. It got quite long and I kind lost interest halfway through it because I kept remembering little points I wanted to make and it was in constant revision for too long, plus I had doubts on whether it had any value as a post.
I think it does, though. As my longest and most serious relationship, it's safe to say that FA2 herself and my experiences coming out of the relationship had some influence on who I am today.
Talking to UHSW and KfW2 over the past few days about FA2, and especially some comments from KfW2 mean that I might re-visit it. It's sitting in drafts somewhere... I think I'll try and have a chat with KfW about FA2 some time this week.
I think it does, though. As my longest and most serious relationship, it's safe to say that FA2 herself and my experiences coming out of the relationship had some influence on who I am today.
Talking to UHSW and KfW2 over the past few days about FA2, and especially some comments from KfW2 mean that I might re-visit it. It's sitting in drafts somewhere... I think I'll try and have a chat with KfW about FA2 some time this week.
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