The end?

Last week I prompted CH once again for a lunch date. She was apologetic - she couldn't do last week (I hadn't specifically asked for last week, just a date) but could we do this week? We could meet at Starbuck's.

That suited me. All I want is to get her alone for a bit of time where we can chat. I agreed.

I pinged her on our IM system this morning to confirm. The conversation went something like:

Me:

What time you want to go today?

CH:

This afternoon suit? I've a meeting at 3 so just whenever its over? Its just a big list of people and I could be first or last

Me:

I thought we were meeting at lunch?

CH:

I thought we where doing coffee? I

Me:

I thought it was coffee @ Starbucks @ lunch.

CH:

LOL! I thought it was coffee at Starbucks at coffee time.

Me:

Fair enough - my boss is not in today so I can nip out for a bit.

CH:

OK, actually why not make it [coffee shop]? It's closer.

Me:

OK.

Now, I wasn't happy about this. When I raised my concerns with CH in the middle of February, she got ultra defensive and said she was too busy with work or that her family always comes first and her geographical stuff made socialising difficult before accusing me of not understanding.

The stuff I mention in this post is not a one-off or anything. In fact, most of the stuff on that list is something she's done within the past six weeks, since I voiced my own concerns.

Doing a coffee break rather than a lunch meant less time to talk about, well, anything really. Why she decided to go to Starbucks is beyond me - it's a ten minute walk from work, so ten minutes there and back is already twenty minutes plus the coffee. We get fifteen minutes for tea breaks. It simply doesn't add up. Plus, once again, she expected me to drop everything when she was ready to go.

But, part of me can't walk away without having this chat with her, even if we were doing it in fifteen minutes and on her terms... until this arrived in my IM shortly before CH's 3 PM meeting.

CH:
Hey the agenda is out and I'm last on the list. Coffee might have to wait - I'm off for a week over Easter.

I didn't reply.

The further adventures of Ruuude in online dating.

My match.com subscription runs out in just over a month at the start of May. So far, my results are pretty much as expected. This time though, I have radically reduced my expectations, so it's not as depressing as it has been the past two times. It's not what I would call "fun" either, though.

Over on PoF, after being a "new" member for a week now, I still only have one visitor. As mentioned previously, she's cute and I will message her, but I'm really lacking in energy recently - work stuff and family stuff has really taken it out of me this week.

There was one girl on Match who I've messaged who, physically, really reminded me of Near Miss. I've popped a message off to her, but as she's already visited my profile on Match, I'm not really expecting a message.

Another girl who I think I've mentioned before who asked me to tell her about myself has repeatedly been back to view my profile, but has not offered up any information or photos of herself as I requested. I really don't know how anyone expected to meet anyone on an online dating site if they're not prepared to upload a picture, never mind talk about themselves.

It might not be getting me down as much this time around, but I still really don't understand the mentality of women on online dating sites. It just seems to be more work than it should on sites supposedly designed to get people to meet.

Online dating.

Tinder Girl has been quiet for a week now. Obviously it's longer since I sent her a message, but she's not logged on at all in that time. I don't understand why you match with someone receive a message and simply don't say anything.

There's been nothing from any of the other Match.com girls, which is disappointing. One of them was quite promising, looks-wise.

I've had a girl message me and ask for more information, but seeing as my closing line is something along the lines of "Well, I've put a massive blurb and some pics of me up, it'd be nice if you could do the same". Ummm... read the profile, dear.

I did message her back and cheekily ask for pics. I don't make a habit of asking people for pictures (I try to avoid mentioning anything physical in the first few messages at least), but this time I wanted to make an exception. Partly because she claims to be attractive and partly to draw attention to the fact her profile is appalling. I think she's been back to view my profile a couple of times, but I've not heard from her since.

The only other noteworthy online dating thing was that I restarted my PoF account - same blurb copied across from Match.com, same pics used thus time, they're public. I've only had one girl view me in the four days my account has been reinstated and she's very cute. There's no message from her though and I will probably get in touch over the weekend once I get some personal time.

Box, ticked.

At the end of this post, I said that my next phase is to buy a bike (for exercise purposes) and to arrange a night out with KfW2. They're already as complete as I can get them at this point. The bike has been bought and I am awaiting delivery, which will probably be the week after Easter.

I've already made tentative plans with FP about doing a lot more cycling this year and with FP as company, I'm hoping that we can motivate each other.

However, KfW2 has been cagey about a night out, but has almost demanded that we meet for lunch soon. That's now in the bag for the Easter weekend and I have a gut feeling that she's going to break some (good) news to me. I'd be delighted for her, of course, if it is what I think it is, but part of me will be disappointed as it will slightly curtail some socialising.

I don't feel guilty about the disappointment either. As I said to CH in one of our rare, serious (albeit drunken) conversations - I love my friends to bits always want the best for them, but that's tempered with wanting to see them socially. It's a kind of selfishness that I really don't feel guilty about at all.

FFS.

My mum hasn't been well for a while - something neither we or her GP have been able to put our finger on (I suspect it's stress-related due to an ongoing family thing). My sister has just called to say that they went again to see the GP and he immediately told them to go to hospital, where she's been since this morning.

My sister had literally only found out about 4:45 PM and immediately got in touch. She hasn't heard anything apart from that one piece of information. I've tried calling my Dad, but he's not picking up his phone.

EDIT: I've literally just called my sister to see if there's any news and both my parents have arrived at my sister's. Dad has shouted that it wasn't anything serious. Sheesh. Telling me that a couple of hours ago instead of "disappearing" and not answering your phone might have fucking helped, Dad.

Downer.

There was a repeat performance on Saturday night with Foreign Girl and GM. We managed to talk S and one of his friends to come out as well. Foreign Girl was stunning in a black t-shirt and jeans I've always maintained that a good looking woman can look as good in a t-shirt and jeans as a full on posh dress) but I was never able to identify who she reminded me of.

Possibly the actress Amy Acker, but I'm not 100% sure. But, regardless, Foreign Girl is a blast and very sweet. We ended up at a club that I love from a decor perspective but hate from a musical perspective and it was nearly 4 AM by the time I got back home.

FG pulled some fella shortly before I left, pretty much confirming what I'd thought on Tuesday that FG wasn't interested in GM beyond being a platonic friend.

We swapped a few messages on Facebook where she hinted that she had really enjoyed herself and would be back again, maybe even quite soon, as long as GM would be willing to put her up. I think that's kinda of a no-brainer.

I didn't sleep well last night and have been in a massive funk all day long. This isn't like my usual "loneliness" funk, this is something different - possibly just a come-down after nearly a week of fun and drinking, but there's something else as well - a sense of foreboding.

I had a brief chat with KfW2 today while she was on her way to lunch with a friend and off the back of that, sent her a text suggesting a night out again soon. I'm still waiting to hear back. I've also sent a text to CH trying to do what she should have done a few weeks ago - re-arrange our cancelled lunch date. Still nothing from her either.

All about chemistry.

I met up with GM and Foreign Girl last night, just for a few drinks as a last-minute thing. Foreign Girl was quizzing me on my life and we managed to get onto the subject of CH and KfW2 (well, GM steered the conversation that way). Before that though, GM shared some drama about Sports Girl who provided some late night drama the last time we were out by essentially admitting to not actually wanting a fuck buddy but wanting a boyfriend. That's still ongoing (at least from the perspective that she's still to apologise).

I let GM do the talking, so he explained to FG about my chemistry with CH when everyone had thought we'd be at each other's throats. I can't remember the exact wording, but GM said something along the lines of "Within two minutes it was apparent that these two probably should be married". It wasn't a surprise to me - he's essentially said that to me before. 

He said something similar about my relationship with KfW2 as well, but less dramatic.

Of course, I don't think he knows about the underlying feelings I have for KfW2 or the physical ones I have for CH and I'm not planning on telling him either. I will just agree with his not inaccurate observation that my ideal woman would be a combination of both of them. He's only talking about personalities... he doesn't know that physically, between the two of them, they tick most boxes.

Later, when FG was away talking to people, we were talking about her. GM admitted to not knowing her particularly well. It was essentially a holiday romance that continued via Facebook and text messages. I said to GM that I saw the same kind of chemistry between them that he'd said that I'd had with KfW2. He seemed surprised but didn't disagree.

It was a good night - Foreign Girl is lovely and very easy to talk to. There could be a repeat tonight, but we'll see.

The luck of the Irish.

We had a traditional day out (it was St. Patrick's Day, don't you know) yesterday with some of the usual crew - GM and S. It was interesting in that GM was bringing along a couple of female friends - one, a foreign girl, met GM a few years back while they were both on holiday in Las Vegas (they hooked up to some extent at the time). The other was a girl who plays sports with GM and who had slept with him a few weeks ago.

Both women are attractive enough in their own way, but Sports Girl reminded me a lot of a porn star, Mindy Main, not just in looks either - body-wise as well.

Despite knowing Sports Girl's history with GM, I decided that I might at least put in a bit of effort. It was very much a ONS or FB type of attraction - more lust/sexual attraction than anything. I've only met her twice but both times she was very sexily dressed - a figure hugging short skirt and a jeans/strapless corset thing. But she also seemed quite flaky. I'm not a fan of flaky.

I was interested in Foreign Girl too, to an extent, but it was a GF attraction and there was no way that was going to happen (plus other factors as well), so she was immediately ruled out. Sports Girl seemed to be scoping out Foreign Girl as potential competition (there was/is an ongoing thing between them that hasn't been resolved yet), but I don't think that Foreign Girl was that interested in hooking up with GM again (plus she's here for a week specifically visiting GM, so if anything was going to happen, it already has).

Soon, it was apparent that S was interested in Sports Girl as well and I simply bowed out. I wasn't interested enough to actually put in the effort and S can be a bit of a dick under these conditions (see this post), so I ended up talking to Foreign Girl, who is great company.

The night ended quite late, especially given the early start, and while I didn't have a hangover per se, today was a write-off. My head was muggy all day long and I've been in a bit of a funk. Not my usual funk (though this has been omnipresent for a while now), more of a come-down than anything else.

I have a couple of other things to do this week, including meeting up again with GM and Foreign Girl (and maybe some of the others) and a family thing. Once I get them over and done with, then I can move on to a new "phase" - arranging a night out with KfW2 and buying a new bike amongst other things.

Mmmm...

I've always maintained that, looks-wise, I prefer my women with shoulder length (or shorter) hair. I dunno... anything longer can ruin a look and if it's halfway down a woman's back, then I tend to assume they haven't grown up. It might be a ridiculous assumption, but I can't help it.

Anyway, the love of my life, Jessica Alba, has had a haircut. Mmmmm...

An online dating update.

Following on from this post, I have now sent messages to two additional women, both on Match and both who are cute but have given me nothing to go on, profile-wise. I fired off a cheeky message to both of them a few days ago but have heard nothing since from either of them or from the Tinder girl. All three women have logged onto the respective sites/apps, though the issue with Match is that I don't know if they are paid up members. You'd like to think that they were seeing as they're logging on every 24 or 48 hours.

As I explained to USHW yesterday, I am most surprised that I've heard nothing from Tinder girl (after all, we are mutual matches, having both right-swiped each other), but I am most disappointed in not hearing from the sporty Match girl.

OK Cupid is, as previously blogged, no longer accessible (I could sign up using another email address, but there wasn't anyone near me that was taking my fancy anyway) and PoF doesn't have a lot of cute women either.

Cheers!

It was a last minute thing with M and another school friend. I only got the text message at lunchtime. School friend was home and did I fancy a few drinks with him and M? The answer was very much a 'yes'. For a while around sixth form, the school friend and I were very close friends... we've distanced a little, but either of us would still drop everything if the other was in trouble. I can say that about most of my school friends - FP, G, M etc.

We talked about a lot of things, but the primary topic for pretty much the entire night were girls. We talked about MMBF (she gets mentioned a lot when M and I are together) and a lot of talk about old crushes from school off the back of a chat about an upcoming school reunion.

Luckily, with work today, it was a huge session as I'd feared. While I was home pretty late, I was only a bit tipsy and hangover free this morning.

The reminiscing has left me somewhat frustrated though, in more ways than one.

You'll never guess what happened.

Today was meant to be me meeting with CH... again. She had gone quiet on the subject, so I pushed for it at the weekend and today was the first day that suited us both.

I arrived into work today to an email sent from CH during the early hours of the morning. No lunch date as she had to go to a funeral. Sigh.

Almost as if she were psychic, KfW2 sent me a text five minutes after I'd gotten CH's email. The "conversation" went something along these lines:

KfW2: You meeting CH?
Ruuude: Nope. Funeral.
KfW2: Not really her fault, is it?
Ruuude: Not really, but there's always something. And a legitimate excuse does not make a last-minute cancellation any less frustrating.
KfW2: I know I'm going through the same with [her friend]. I know how you feel, your annoyance. I've been in the same situation.
Ruuude: It's not annoyance per se. When the cancellation reasons are spurious like only the two of us going to the pub or having to do some shopping for her sister, that's annoying. I don't feel bad for being annoyed at that, but I feel guilty for being frustrated today.
KfW2: Understandable, but do you not feel that if it wasn't [the funeral], it would be something else?
Ruuude: Yeah, and that's the whole core of that part of the problem.

And that's it really. CH has yet to suggest another day to meet. She never has a suggestion to make up for her non-appearances. The funeral wasn't of anyone close - a friend's relative - so it's not like she's emotionally not in the mood. It's pretty much three months now that I've been trying to get to talk to CH about this and four weeks since I came right out and said I thought there was a problem and I'm still trying to get her out on her own so we can talk.

Mmmmm...

And for no other reason than appreciation, there's this... I've been watching a lot of "My Name is Earl" recently in a kind of marathon. Catalina aka Nadine Velazquez. *appreciative noises*

What's that? Pictorial evidence? Well, go on then.

Teehee.

I've just posted something on Facebook that I'm expecting everyone bar one person to ask me what I'm playing at. That person is E's sister, and is semi-related to this post. I'm not expecting anything other than banter, but it'll interesting to see what, if anything, is said.

Oh, hello!

Continuing on from the last post, we have a bit of a breakthrough. For the first time since I installed Tinder (which must be a good nine months at least), I matched with someone that I was genuinely attracted to. Saying that, like all my other online dating experiences, Tinder hasn't exactly been throwing mutual matches at me - probably less than ten in all that time, and all people I was very "meh" about.

I fired off a quick message about twenty four hours ago. I'm not too happy about it - her profile has given me nothing to go on and only has one picture - but it's an opener nonetheless.

In real life news, I took a trip to talk to the cute neighbour. We're having work done in the house and the two guys are creating a hell of a lot of noise, so I went upstairs to apologise. I think the cute neighbour works during the day, but I wanted to make sure. Slamming of doors etc. as the guys have been doing is like Chinese water torture to me, and there's no doubt the noise and vibrations are carrying.

Sadly though, she wasn't in.

You have to laugh.

So, having had an account on Match.com for about a month and reactivated my OK Cupid (well, this was just not used rather than inactive) and Plenty of Fish ones, it's about time I actually messaged a few people.

There are a couple of women on Match.com that look cute and/or interesting (though I'm not hugely excited by either of them) that I'll message once I shake this apathy.

PoF is offering very little given the sheer numbers and lack of subscription.

The interesting part is OK Cupid, where I appear to be banned, being unable to log in for a week now. I don't know how - all my pictures are of me. I can't have offended anyone cos I haven't sent any messages apart from one person, details in this post.

Interesting customer services - no email and no onscreen message when I try to log in. I go to the contact page and it says, after asking me for the details of my problem, "please enter the code below so we know you're a real person". Except there is nowhere to enter any code.

Good work, OK Cupid. Thankfully I hadn't actually subscribed.

The unexpected.

While not quite a surprise night out, it was reasonably last-minute. I had sent GM and S an email asking if they fancied doing something as I simply wanted out of the house for a few hours.

GM had prior arrangements but suggested I go down to meet him and his friends. S stated quite categorically that he was staying in. I joined GM quite late - it was well after 10 PM. Usually by 10 PM I'm sitting in front of the TV or the PC, quite content.

One of the girls that GM was out with was very sexy. Cracking body, tight short dress, couple of tattoos and great legs. Facially, she was doing nothing for me (though a hint of porn star Mindy Main, maybe) and she was tiny without her heels, but I wasn't looking at her face. Which was an issue when I was chatting away to her.

Another cute friend of GM's arrived and stayed for one drink.

We left the bar after GM's sexy friend got herself thrown out. GM's second cute friend left at that point and we trundled around to a bar that GM had never been to before. It was at that point that GM had admitted to recently pulling the sexy girl from earlier. We had a chat about women and sex. Apparently sexy girl had offered up a friends with benefits option to GM who was pondering the option... then she turned weird on him before coming full circle again once they'd chatted and GM told her she wasn't a one night stand. It was the kind of serious conversation that GM and I settle in to quite quickly when we're out. In return, I explained to him the ongoing CH dilemma and he, once again, told me how he and GB were sure that CH and I simply would not like each other. CH's reliability was discussed (it's not just me, she's well-known for last-minute cancellations) and her communication. GM wasn't able to offer any solutions, not that I was looking for any. It'll be solved by talking to CH and that's it.

Who did we bump into at this new bar but S. It was well-timed because we'd just been having a conversation about him, then he caught our eye across the room with his mates. So, we spent a while chatting to those guys. I eventually called it quits about 3AM, mainly because the bar had stopped serving and I was starting to sober up, but the music had gone more in a dance direction than the fun pop they'd been playing.

Still, like most unexpected nights out, a lot of fun.

Feeling hot, hot, hot.

It's been a lovely day here. Temperatures hit over 15 degrees centigrade and even with a hefty breeze blowing, it was quite warm... which didn't stop HG burning the heat at 100% for hours at a time.

And he's still turning down the hot water temperatures to less than tepid. How he thinks anyone is meant to actually wash anything in nearly cold water is beyond me.

It's not that he might feel cold. I understand that he may well do... it's the fact that he's burning the gas at 100% while running around in shorts and a t-shirt instead of putting on a pair of jeans and a jumper. He's paying for the gas because for some reason he won't tell TV Guy that it's his turn to top up, but the reality is that the rest of us are sweating because HG doesn't have the common sense to turn down the heating temperature and put on a jumper to regulate his own comfort. Just like he turns down the water temperature because it's too hot instead of mixing cold water.

Dilemma (cont'd 2)

I've made a decision on CH. Today was going to be the day I decide to pull the plug on our friendship, stop making the effort etc. but I've been mulling it over this past week. USHW helped by talking it through with me and I'm going to text her this weekend to try and get her out for lunch or a coffee ASAP.

I still might have to walk away, but I don't want to. I've left GB and DSC by the wayside with pretty much no guilt or worry over the past two years for being shit friends, but I don't want to be jettisoning friends willy-nilly. For starters, my social life is bad enough and the number of people I feel I can talk to is limited. CH can be one of those people if she'd just take some time out for me rather than try and shoehorn everyone into her own plans.

I'm possibly giving CH more leeway because I'm lonely and because there is an element of attraction there (though I know nothing will ever happen). This week especially has been tough - E has been at the forefront of my mind after she posted some good news on Facebook recently. And for some reason yesterday, I spent a lot of time thinking about CAB.

It's kinda weird though - I opened up to her and complained about feeling like an afterthought, about how conversations never seem to happen... and despite a promise that we'd meet for lunch after her holiday (after she'd been super-defensive), the conversation hasn't happened.

Still, I don't want to just walk away, but I'm not that hopeful. Let's see what the weekend brings though.

Dilemma (cont'd)

Following on from my previous post, I still haven't made contact with CH. The temptation is still strong to do so... I don't want to simply throw away something that has, in the past, been good. But I am concerned that if I crumble and contact her either about meeting for lunch or the upcoming work night out, that I'll jut fall back into a habit of doing all the work in the friendship.

She still has said absolutely nothing to me and while I saw her in the town centre earlier today, I dunno if she saw me. She was on her own, without any of her usual friends.

It annoyed me a bit... the whole point of opening up to her was because I can't remember the last time she initiated a conversation... and any time I do so, she dictates pretty much everything.

Maybe the problem is that she's used to people falling in line with her way of thinking? I know part of the reason that we hit it off so well and so quickly originally was because I challenged her on everything. She respected the fact that I wasn't argumentative - if I disagreed with her, I had my own reasons and voiced them. We debated stuff and I enjoyed the verbal sparring.

She has a strong personality and I'd argue that she's easily the strongest personality out of her friends (though there are a couple of firecrackers in there), and maybe she's just used to getting her way?

Dilemma.

In trying to arrange a quiet night out with some work colleagues earlier today, it turned out that the next big work night out would be at the start of next month, on a Thursday night.

No big deal to me... I can do a Thursday no problem and I might even take the Friday off. I did something similar for a recent night out with KfW2.

But it raises a conundrum. CH's presence at these things has been sporadic to say the least... and part of that is because she's not in the office on Fridays, when these things are usually held. She is typically in the office on a Thursday though, so this should be do-able.

But I'm still waiting to hear from her about, well, anything really. Since promising, on Valentine's Day, to meet for lunch after her holiday, she still hasn't initiated contact of any kind beyond playing Words with Friends.

I really want to ask her if she's going to go to this night out... but part of me really wants to leave her alone and let her make first contact (or call it quits on our friendship come the end of this week). Well, I don't want to call it quits on the friendship, but you know what I mean, right? Should I swallow my pride and just ask or should I continue to test her?

Oh, hello.

Watching Top Gear tonight, and couldn't help but have a little crush on Gillian Anderson. I've always thought she was attractive, all the way back to her X-Files days, but it's different actually seeing someone be themselves.