Why is this such a big deal?

This thing with The Date is still weighing on my mind. I’ve already spoken to a few people about it… JB, RA and another acquaintance, but I’m still pre-occupied. There are two people I’d like to discuss this with – AM and A. I’ve sent A a few emails, but she’s very slow at responding this week, and I’m not due to see AM until next Wednesday. The AM timing is ideal, providing she doesn’t cry off again (she has a habit of cancelling at the last minute) as The Date returns on Tuesday from her travels and I was considering getting in contact, possibly one last time, on Wednesday evening.

A’s theory so far is that she’s buying herself some time so as not to appear too keen and I’d really like to believe that this is the case. On the other hand, my other acquaintance suggests that The Date is simply waiting for me to lose interest as she can’t tell me outright that she’s not interested in dating. I think she has a point, but at the same time, contact from The Date is always positive in tone and open, asking questions etc. I don’t believe that’s the action of someone who doesn’t want to be in contact with me.

Of course, all this angst is for nothing if The Date initiates contact herself between now and Wednesday evening, but I’m not expecting that to be honest.

Advice from friends

I was a bit mopey in work today. Part of it was due to The Date and her reply last night. I think the rest of it was just the past few months catching up with me in terms of job happiness etc. The declined date was just the trigger point to me hitting a low point, emotionally, having been in a decent mood since the turn of the year, despite things not really going my way.

It was picked up on by a few friends, including JB and RA, and both have suggested the same thing... put this behind me for the weekend, wait until The Date comes back from her travels, then try one more time for a more definitive answer to one last, final date request. I also sent an email to A, giving her an update, but she never replied. I reckon I'll hear from her tomorrow.

That makes sense, but I'm a little apprehensive about seeming creepy, stalkerish if she really doesn't want further contact/dates.

Oh well, what a day.

First off, my laptop died this morning. No big deal... it's just that I need a new AC adapter, but it'll be a few days until that arrives in the post, having already ordered one. I won't be able to use my laptop until then, but it's hardly an inconvenience with my desktop sitting in the corner.

I was due to meet up with a mate at lunchtime for some junk food lunch... Burger King. On my way over, who did I see in the street? RB, that's who. I passed within 5 meters of her, but didn't stop. I don't think she noticed me, but had we had eye contact, I definitely would have stopped for a chat. After all, that's kind of what I've wanted to happen... but the thing is, it's all still in her court so to speak, which is why there'll be no contact until there's eye contact. Is that making sense? It's sounds right in my head, but not when I read it back.

However, the "near miss" with RB prompted various things this afternoon. First of all, the guy I was meeting for lunch didn't know the RB story. In fact, the last time I was speaking to him, I was on my way home from work to prepare for the date which is five weeks ago now. (Is it really that long?) So, he got the entire story. Like everyone else, he seemed dumbfounded that it has ended the way it has.

Also, there was a fair amount of frustration... mainly that I didn't get the eye contact I wanted, but also other feelings that I am unsure of. She looked as good as I remember (albeit in profile) and while I know she's only 5 foot tall, she looked, well, smaller. I guess I'm also thinking that, the way my luck is going, this was my one chance to actually talk to her and that I'll not get another one. Still... I have those other avenues to pursue... Still, I spoke to RA and A about it this afternoon, but I'm not entirely sure I've gotten my head round it all yet.

Speaking of these other avenues, I have a profile on three sites: one on match.com, one on a Facebook application site and another on a 100% free dating site. My match.com profile was written for me by A and is brilliant... very comprehensive. The Facebook thing isn't really anything other than my age etc. and requires no thought and the last one is still a work in progress. I do have my picture up on the latter two, though, hoping for something to come along.

However, after a few weeks activity on the Facebook thing, I've gotten nothing in return. I've 'prodded' seven women to try and start a conversation but nothing's been said in reply, and most of them have been online since. With the last one, I only joined at the weekend so I'm not expecting much (and I'm not seeing much, if I'm being honest... one brunette girl stands out, but that's it), so there's not a lot of activity. I might have to bite the bullet and become a full (i.e. paid up) member of match.com, but that's a last resort for me as everyone appears to be a member of at least two out of the three sites I've mentioned above.

I need something to happen soon.

Get over it already!

In conversation with RA earlier, he asked the question that all the people in the know about the RB thing have asked at one point or another over the past two weeks...

"Have you heard from RB?"

I don't know if they were expecting RB to get in contact again or if this is just politeness, but it did start me thinking...

RB is keen (or she was). RB was single. RB doesn't like being single.

However, logic dictates that RB has been out of the dating scene in a while. After all, if she'd been dating recently, these issues would already be in her thoughts and I suspect she wouldn't have agreed to a date with me and the date wouldn't have gone so well. Whether this means she's rarely approached or rarely takes people up on dates shouldn't matter and is a good thing (can you hear the capitals?) If I do bump into her soon-ish, then it's entirely possible she will re-evaluate us (either as friends or more), especially if we end up having a conversation rather than, for example, her spotting me in town or at the pub. The liklihood of us meeting is small, but if we do, the possibility of me making another good impression on her is fairly good, I think. She won't suddenly change her mind out of the blue... that kind of stuff only happens in Hollywood movies unfortunately.

I can't and won't sit around waiting for that to happen and given my current mindset, I will be looking elsewhere, but I think there's cause for at least a little optimism should I see her again.

Eh?

In talking to RA earlier, I found myself browsing websites about foreign employment. Why? I'm only now settling back into my life again and am in no state financially or mentally to even consider heading off again. I know that the process for getting jobs and visas etc. is protracted, but I really shouldn't even be thinking about this until way later in the year, if not next year.

And that's only if things aren't going well here and there's no reason to think that it would. After all, things haven't been bad for me over the past couple of years, ignoring the housing issue which is out of my control and the odd moments where I'm unhappy being single or at least having a fuck buddy and/or better social life.

So, I'll have to put that behind me for now. I might look into this further at the end of the summer, if only to have a better idea of what's involved (paperwork, costs, timeframes etc.) so that any decision I make later in the year is done so with me being fully informed.

*smug look*

So, yeah. E finally called me just over an hour after my last post. We chatted for a while... probably about 90 minutes, which was great and, as predicted, before I got my call, she had been chatting to her family after she'd finished calling her sister. That's annoying, but something I'll have to live with given what I've explained below. If this continues, I'll have to arrange some other times to chat to E because I won't always be online after midnight on a Saturday night. In fact, I was only online that late earlier because I was chatting to RA on MSN (and now insomnia beckons!)

Money, money, money...

Finally, all my bookings (travel and hotels) for the UK legs of my impending travel are now booked and locked down. I'm timing my trip through London to hopefully meet up with A, though as it's still six weeks away, she could get called away with work, so until I finally arrive in London and meet her, I'm assuming that things could change. A reckons I'd be a big hit with her work colleagues (some of whom appear to be easy on the eye), so no doubt I'll be introduced to them, too. 

A doesn't want stuff to change so that she's unavailable. She wants to meet me. I want to meet her, too. If she calls it off, I'm not sure what I'd do. I know tonnes of people that I could meet up with, but I guess it'll be G or RA, both of whom I really do owe a visit. 

On a slightly less positive side, I've yet to hear back from E. I'm guessing that'll happen at the weekend, but it is a little frustrating.