Just more memories.

It was five years ago tonight (probably more like early tomorrow morning, if I am being pedantic) when Sports Girl said that she liked me. Now, we were both fairly toasted, having drank heavily at S's house, then continued that in the club, but it didn't strike me as being said as a platonic thing.

This was also the night that she was dressed as Wonder Woman and looked stunning in her home-made costume. I made an excuse to go powder my nose to gather my thoughts after her "confession". When I returned, SG was gone. GM asked what had been said. When I chatted to GM about it, and he asked if I reciprocated, I suggested I'd consider something physical.

And that was true. There were plenty of red flags to suggest that SG was not a good fit for me as a non-platonic partner. As a friend? For sure. As a FwB? Could be.*

Suffice to say, there are no Hallowe'en nights out this year.

*That is, until a conversation with SG months later where she seemed almost insulted that a guy she'd been on dates with wanted to sleep with her and invited her to his hotel room.

Status Update: Week 26?

 I've lost track of time. I have done my weigh-ins over the past few weeks, I've just forgotten to record them.

Week 24: 228.5 lbs

Week 25: 228.4 lbs

Week 26: 235.2 lbs

That's comfortably the heaviest I've ever been. My back and hip are giving me problems which are probably at least partly related to the extra weight that I'm carrying.

I don't feel that I've eaten enough crap to see a 7lb increase in weight in one week - the maths just doesn't really add up based on what I've eaten, and I have had a few of those weeks even when calorie counting (I can recall two separate 5lb increases). I think I need to get back into calorie counting and start again properly. 

If anyone knows any tasty low carb recipes, please get in touch! All advice etc. welcome.

Touching Point (con'td)

Any time Stalky Guy showed me the Instagram pics of the girl he e-stalked, there were always pics of her doing stuff, especially aquatic-related activities. I think part of me has wanted to meet someone like that, where we would be out and about a lot doing stuff. Probably not swimming around in the North Sea in winter though. Brrrrr... but just rambling, walking, getting out and about... that kind of thing.

A friend of KfW2's, who I'm friends with on Facebook, posted some pics of her rambling in the hills nearby, which reminded me of the above. My sister's cute university friend, who I often see on Tinder also posts pics of her doing some hill walking.

Plus, KfW2's visit earlier, has rammed home the loneliness angle too. So I'm in a single and lonely phase, having had precious little actual personal contact with non-family people apart from CC (which often does more harm than good) and KfW2 (too little, too infrequently recently and that's both our fault) in the past three months. Three fucking months.

It also reminded me of a conversation I had with USHW years ago. I was trying to describe the mood I was in, somewhat successfully. I think I suggested that I was really missing some physical affection and, at the time, was almost constantly thinking about meeting someone new, romantically. It didn't have to turn into anything, but some affection, physical contact... physical intimacy! That was it! I knew there was a phrase I used. So, there's a desire for that which has resurfaced which probably isn't a surprise because I've talked about being touch starved before.

But something that goes beyond hugging and close contact. Waking beside someone, cuddling on the sofa... that kind of contact is something that I've been craving since KfW2 left earlier (and not with KfW2... I'd like to meet someone new).

Touching Point.

KfW2 left a while ago. She'd popped in to pick up something that I'd promised her. Apart from CC, she's the first (meaningful and non-family) person I've seen in months. Since July probably. And the time was all too brief. She was only here for about 45 minutes, and I felt like I blabbed on and on the entire time, just from having someone different to talk to.

It's not that we've spoken much otherwise. In work, she's far too busy to have a chat (as am I these days), and outside of work I admit that I've been relying on her to get in touch, because I know she's busy and I don't want to make endless calls that aren't picked up.

And I didn't even get a hug as she's got a cold. Given what's happening, we probably shouldn't hug anyway, but a hug would be so good right now.

Eesh.

Another night, more weird dreams. I can't remember the coherent thread about it, but it involved owning multiple properties that my Mother disapproved of, failing exams and various friends popping in an out. And I woke this morning with a strong urge to go travelling, maybe even to see E again.

But it hasn't left me all day... I'd really love to go travelling, see the sun again, maybe do some snorkelling or learn to scuba dive.

Ummm.

Another night of broken sleep caused mainly by stomach problems. However, I did have a dream where KfW2 came to my house and we just sat and chatted and bonded... until she was suddenly topless, for reasons that either weren't obvious or I can't remember. It wasn't sexual though. She just sat in front of me, sipping her drink with no clothes on her top half and it wasn't even mentioned. Then I woke up.

What's all this, then?

Last night I had a dream that seemed to consist of pretty much everything except people I personally know. However, someone who did feature quite heavily was actress, January Jones. I believe she was in one of the X-Men reboot movies, and also in "The Last Man on Earth" which I thought was hilarious.

I woke up absolutely exhausted this morning, but I don't know if that's the weather, the dream last night or the fact I've barely lifted my head in work for the past week.

Additionally, Facebook reminded me that nine years ago, I met QC2 for one of our semi-regular catch-ups. I'd posted about it on Facebook to which QC2 actually commented (her social media use is about as frequent as Halley's Comet). Of course, that provoked a little nostalgia. I do miss our little catch-up evenings.

Om nom nom

I did some baking this weekend. Or not baking, maybe? I didn't actually put anything in the oven so it wasn't baked per se, but it was my favourite dessert: cheesecake. I make a cheesecake once or twice a year, mainly because I end up eating it on my own and get sick of it. I don't even have a real favourite, but what I've made recently: plain/vanilla, strawberry, orange and chocolate, ginger and lime and a few others.

Want to come round and help me eat it before I ruin tomorrow's weigh-in?

Music

 I don't get to discover as much new music as I would like. I do listen to music a lot - when I'm working, cooking, out and about, but it's all the same stuff.

Somewhat randomly, I ended up in a three way conversation last night in a chatroom where we were able to share/control our Spotify app with other people. If I started playing, for example, "Learning to Fly" by the Foo Fighters, then the other people would also be listening to that.

It was late when we called it a night - well after 2 AM - but we'd shared a lot of songs and I got introduced to a lot of new things. Two of the highlights from last night are below, from bands/people I've been aware of, but never listened to. I'll be finding more.

Just talking.

I think that FBS is the first person to actually call out that I might be a bit lonely or isolated due to the Covid-19 lockdown. Other people might have recognised it but not actually said anything. I'm pretty sure that FP has had that thought. I'd be surprised (and very disappointed) if my sister or KfW2 hadn't thought it. However, it is worth pointing out that my sister doesn't do social calls. That might sound a little ungrateful seeing as she spent quite some time here over the summer, but that was working on a project, and my sister loves a gardening project.

FP was on the phone earlier, suggesting we might visit a pub. My last official pub visit was mid-March just prior to lockdown, and there was a night out where we met up with S but I don't really count that.

But, as it is, during our semi-regular catch ups in the WhatsApp group, FBS did call it out, especially with another proper lockdown looking likely. And I was quite open and honest, to a point. I do feel isolated and lonely at times, and while I'm not a great people person, I do miss people. I miss some people a great deal, but I miss sitting in CB Bar having pints with FP and people watching. I'm gutted that KfW2 actually suggested that we have an adult night out (our first in three years) , a week before lockdown kicked in. There are conversations I would have had with my managers if I could look them in the eye, but don't want to do over IM or video calls.

I'm not expecting FBS to turn up on my doorstep, but her asking the question did mean a lot to me.

Money, money, money.

I think I need to sit down an analyse my spending over the past six months. I am in a fortunate position as my job is safe, but I'm not seeing a reflection in my savings that the current circumstances might suggest...

I know I've recently admitted to buying more household stuff than I have in the past, and I have spent quite a bit of money on my front and back gardens over the summer.

However, lockdown should have seen me saving probably about £200 per month as I stopped buying snacks, daily coffees and lunches. That's based on a daily £10 spend and roughly twenty working days per month. You could offset that with maybe a small increase in groceries expenditure. Let's say my grocery spending increased by £75. I should be saving £125.

Additionally, due to some other financial stuff that's gone on this year, I am better off each month by an amount that should be visible come month-end. However, it seems my spending has increased to "fill" that void, though I have nothing to show for it, hence the spending review.

I've activated a feature in my banking app that identifies what I spend my money on, so let's see where my weaknesses are.

Blast from the past.

For the first time in ages Sports Girl appeared in my Facebook news feed. I had blocked her years ago when she was dating GM because her own posts were just cloying couple-y posts. Like, constantly. When GM broke up with her, I re-enabled her posts, pretty much to keep an eye on her in case trouble brewed. However, despite her posts, she never appeared until she changed her profile picture a few days ago.

She still looks stunning, to be fair to her.

And possibly bustier. Or maybe it's just a good bra.

More semi-random pondering.

Facebook reminded me today that it's M and MM's 9th wedding anniversary. Which means it's roughly a week away from the anniversary one of my much-missed catch-ups with QC2, and her excitedly telling me that we had a mutual friend: MMBF.

I'd also tested the waters with both SBF and MMBF that day, seeing if there was anything there that might prompt a more serious attempt at nailing down a date, but I saw nothing to indicate that that was an option... at least with MMBF. SBF left for too early to have gotten her alone to investigate properly, but maybe that was a sign in itself?

It didn't go unnoticed by G that I had spent some time dancing with SBF and MMBF, both of whom were unknown to him, so when we met for drinks a few nights later, before he returned home, he was very inquisitive. He never questioned me also dancing a lot with E3, which got interesting a few months later at M's birthday. 

I also woke this morning with FA2 on my mind, specifically the "night" we became an item. Night is in quotes because we always disagreed on when we actually became an item. We had circled around each other for months, and we'd slept together a couple of times but I'd kept her at arm's length partly because she was a friend of a friend (BW), partly because she was recently separated and partly because I was unsure what I wanted.

It took AM to chat to me and make me realise that this was more than something physical, and that FA2 wanted more than something physical too. However, she had grown tired of waiting for me to make a move/make up my mind and had been on a few dates with a friend of FP's.

"You have to tell her" advised AM.

I called her one Friday night, just after she had returned from a date with FP's friend and invited her out for a drink. We needed to chat, I offered.  Strangely, she agreed.

The next night, we met in a bar and before I had a chance to speak, she said:

"I can't date FP's friend any more!"

We talked through it. She wasn't 100% comfortable with him. Not that she felt unsafe or anything, but more that he was a bit of a wheeler dealer and that didn't sit well with her though to the best of my knowledge, he wasn't into anything illegal. She was going to break it off with him, she decided.

I offered to take her out for a drink once she had. She decided she would do it on the Thursday night, so I offered drinks and maybe dinner the next night. I think even at that point, we both knew that we'd end up in bed together and that this wasn't a friend offering support but an actual date, even if it was unsaid.

FA2 did break up with FP's friend on the Thursday and called round afterwards. She was devastated. I don't think it was the first time she'd dumped someone and this was only after about four dates, but it hit her hard.

Just over twenty four hours later though, we were back at FA2's after dinner and drinks, and she was leading me up the stairs to her room. We had sex that night and first thing in the morning. That's when FA2 declared us to be an item and I agreed, and we had more sex to "celebrate" that decision/realisation between us.

And weirdly, for seemingly no reason, that's what was on my mind this morning when I woke up.

Status Update: Week 23 (plus digest)

 I did weigh myself yesterday, but as I had slept in and needed to get online for work, I completely forgot about (b)logging the result. In fact, that reminds me, I've not actually recorded my weight in MyFitnessPal in probably over a month, if not longer.

The magic number this week is 228.4 lbs

Again, no real exercise to speak of, though I had cut out the takeaways.

CC called in last night to pick up some stuff I'd done for her as a favour. As if that wasn't enough, she also asked if she could store some things at my place while she moves house. I expected her to mention some boxes or small furniture pieces, but no. A massive sofa, a king-size bed and a double bed. Sorry CC, my house doesn't have that much spare room. Sigh.

MMBF popped up on Facebook today which prompted a trawl through her Facebook pics. She seems to have a great collection of figure-hugging dresses, which she wears really well. It's been ages since I've actually spoken to her in person, though.

Just pondering

Despite owning a house for the best part of five years and prior to that, living on my own* for far too long in a few different countries, I've never been great at just buying for the house. It was a habit I never got into. The six or seven years of living with people like Useless Flatmate, Heating Guy, MfW and the whole general distrust that went on wasn't conducive to just opening my wallet and buying things on semi-impulse to improve our lives. It has to be noted that they didn't, either. But then, they rarely lifted a finger in cleaning up and doing general house chores.

It's only actually with lockdown that I've found myself buying little things here and there just to improve life in the house rather than only buying things when I absolutely need them. I wouldn't say that I live a Spartan existence, but I'd say that it was basic.

It's all functional stuff. I still can't get my head around buying shit for purely decorative purposes.

*With housemates

Wait, what?

I have an Instagram account, purely for perving purposes. The email account linked to it is one of (many) secondary email accounts I own and the display name is completely made up. I tend to follow celebrities and gamers - Jessica Alba, Felicia Day, Alison Brie, Brie Larson and pretty much any interesting, attractive, female celebrity mentioned on this blog.

And until recently, all my suggestions were based off the people I already follow. Until about a week ago. Now the suggestions are GM, BR, FBS and... Heating Guy. Fucking Heating Guy. Where the fuck did Instagram pluck him from? We've never been linked on social media, so it's not like that link is there in my Facebook history or anything. 

Weird. And creepy.