So...

So, I'm in a "I don't want to be single" mood. I can identify why I am in this mood for a few reasons:

1. A invited me to her wedding, officially. I want to go, but I only know A and absolutely no one else. It would require some travel and a hotel, so it's a fair commitment. I can't do it on my own and I will probably RSVP and sadly decline. If I had a date (and I have daydreamed about this date being RB), I would in all likelihood, go. But I've not been offered a +1.
2. I was at a comedy thing tonight. Alone. Just me. Watching all these people come in to the theatre with their friends/boyfriends/wives/partners etc. just depressed me. It's not necessarily a relationship thing here, but more a social thing, but that A thing above and not-as-recent-as-it-feels RB thing are leaning me towards wanting a female mate for socialising (and, yes, if I am honest, some sex) and if that is a girlfriend/partner, then so be it.
3. I'd love to go travelling again and my experiences this year in doing a little mini-tour with E lead me to believe I'd not want to do it alone. As with point #2 above, this doesn't necessarily equate to females and relationships, but I've never done any travelling with a girlfriend and I think it would be fun (plus I could get my fill of hotel sex, which I absolutely love)
4. During a recent email conversation, A was asking all about my recent brushes with RB, the ones where we never made eye contact and the ones where we did. She was upbeat about the whole thing, suggesting that things might still change should we get a chance to chat. Well, I know it shouldn't, but it did put me in a good mood and I did kinda start thinking about RB again, a little.

So, there are the reasons, all of which have happened over the past week or so. Hmmm...

Three things of note...

1. I am squiffy
2. I could murder a cigarette
3. I really want a shag
   

A good day...

Today was a good day. I got a lot of the recent frustrating projects in work out the door. They weren't difficult, just disorganised which led to plenty of frustration around the office, not just from me, but from other people involved. They've pretty much been completed, so it's good that they're out the door.

Also, while I was out for a stroll at lunchtime for some fresh air, I half-bumped in to RB who was out with a co-worker. This time, we did make eye contact, swapped a reasonably enthusiastic "hi" and a smile. While I don't think anything will ever develop between RB and myself, at least she didn't blank me and there still is opportunity for a chat should I bump into her by herself in town or at the pub.

I remember her being prettier though... but that might have been because the only two times I've met her, there was a potential for sexytime. (Though that's not to say I wouldn't... because I stil definitely would!)

Status: squiffy

Yup, I've had a few drinks and am in that nice, warm, numb state between complete sobriety and actually being drunk.

Introspective.

In light of the stuff that's gone on recently, I've spent the past few hours taking stock of my life.

Things aren't bad, but they could be better:

Job: it's ok, but I recently missed the opportunity to go on a training course that could potentially lead to me learning some real skills that I can use in my career of choice whereas right now, I'm learning technical stuff that's not used elsewhere. All I needed to do was send an email to my boss a few months ago and I would have had a real shout at getting on this course. All I can do now is send the email and hope the course comes along again early next year.

Relationships: the frustration from RB is still there, but as I've already blogged about, I've signed up to a few different outlets that might provide a step forward. The reason there's been little progress is partly because of laziness, but partly because I haven't got the time to sit down and compose a good opening message to these potential dates. "Poking" them a la Facebook does not seem to have any effect and I would like to sort something else out before I really immerse myself in this project. A mentioned that I was on her wedding invite list and wanted to know if I'd go. I'd love to, but I've only ever met A in the flesh twice and her fiance once. I'd be in the middle of another country, on my own, with my useless social skills. I'd really need a date. Sadly, my daydreams have even gone so far as to imagine RB taking that role, so I'd better knock that on the head sharpish.

Living situation: I've seen a couple of places that I'd be interested in moving in to, but I've yet to make any moves to get in contact (and these places are likely to go fairly quickly). Again, there is a small element of laziness, but also the fact that searching for places to live kinda slips my mind and I forget about it after coming home from work. I need to be less lazy (though that could be said about my life overall) and more organised.

Health: my health's not bad, to be honest. It could be better, but that's because I've been remarkably injury prone over the past two years and that's really cut down the amount of gym time and football I could be doing/playing. I'm hoping to get down to the gym at least twice this week for a light workout to strengthen my groin muscles after a reasonably serious strain that I've found it hard to recover from. That should hopefully lead into more football the week after next and harder, more intense gym workouts.

However, if I could click my fingers and make those adjustments I've mentioned above, I think I'd be in a much happier frame of mind.

Weirdness

My aunt (my dad's brother's wife) died last night. She wasn't ill or anything, she just collapsed late in the evening and never properly recovered. I'm not even sure what happened, just that she collapsed in her home, fell over, hit her head and that was it. The paramedics tried for quite a while to resuscitate her, but to no avail. In fact, my parents had been down visiting her only hours beforehand.

I don't know what I should feel. Death hasn't been a big factor in my life, so this is the first true taste of it with someone relatively close to me. In fact, when we were younger, my cousin and I were extremely close. It's only within the last ten years or so that we've grown distant, more due to his apathy at maintaining a friendship than anything else.

That's weird in itself and I've been in a little daze all day.

What has compounded the weirdness a little was that I got a text message last night with a time stamp that pretty much matches the time that my aunt died from GFW, a co-worker I'm very friendly with, announcing the arrival of his first child, a baby girl.

Weird.

Good times.

I was out with D and the boys last night. As usual, it was a good night, though I wasn't 100% in the mood for a lot of beer. The problem with this group is that it can be very aggressive in the piss taking stakes, when FBS isn't about (and she had to cancel at the last minute due to family illness). Still, while I was outside having a smoke with D, we ended up chatting to a few girls and making a rather good impression on them. This was very late in the evening, so I didn't have time to see if anything was going to happen. One of our crowd was very sceptical when we told him that we'd been talking to real, live girls and was pouring plenty of scorn on us, until...

Then, on the way to get a taxi, I was stopped by this stunning blonde and asked for a cigarette and a light as the others stared and gawped. Good times.