Things that make you go "hmmm"...

Hot on the heels of my sex dream featuring CC a few days back, I had another one last night. This time it featured KfW2. Maybe calling it a sex dream is a bit much, but it did involve KfW2 and I being in a relationship. Sex wasn't the focus of the dream, though there were scenes where we were in bed, naked, and sex was implied. The focus was KfW2 trying to get me to open up, to communicate and to vocalise my feelings for her.

However, no matter how many times I told her that I loved her, she couldn't hear it or refused to acknowledge that I'd said the words. 

While CC's appearance in a sex dream was bemusing, KfW2's appearance is causing a little more confusion. I know that sex dreams aren't literal, but that still doesn't stop me from being concerned about KfW2's appearance in last night's dream.

In real life, KfW2 has made a couple of comments about the fact I've not told her that I love her as much as she thinks I should. Maybe it's just me, but while I have said it to her and meant it, telling someone else's wife that I love them on a regular basis, even platonically, doesn't sit right with me.

My friendship with KfW2 is very special to me, it's extremely important to me and I know that it's not something that's common: a single guy being close to a married woman. I know people have raised eyebrows that we've gone to the pub and gotten drunk together or that I've stayed overnight at her house while her husband was away. I'm not even talking about strangers who barely know us but people who've met us both, like CH, for example. 

I know CH was always intrigued by my friendship with KfW2, specifically that it was very much a two-way friendship and that KfW2 was as much a driver for us doing dinner and drinks as I was. This was obviously in stark contrast to my friendship with CH. My brother-in-law was surprised when I'd said that I'd been at KfW2's one evening for drinks while her husband was out with his friends, and he didn't return home until lunchtime the next day. 

So, yeah, I love that KfW2 wants me to tell her that I love her even if it doesn't always sit right with me, because it reminds me that she cares.

But really, the events in the dream better mirror my relationship with FA2. We weren't great communicators, though FA2 might argue that she was (she wasn't). I didn't vocalise my feelings towards her as often as she wanted, though from my perspective, I always thought my actions should have said enough. She needed to hear the words though. And one aspect of the dream rang true: I did say the words. She claims I never did.

It's safe to say that I'm a little confused this morning, the dream has thrown me a little, and I miss KfW2. 

Weather or not.

I'm looking forward to the work summer party this coming Friday, though with half an eye on the weather forecast, it's potentially going to be a damp affair. We've formed a fairly decent core group of people who usually attend these things with Stalky Guy and Quiet Girl and myself, plus associated colleagues.

Last year, we sat outside and stayed well after everyone else went home. Whether that happens this time is another matter, and the weather will be a factor in that. In previous years, we've adjourned to CB Pub afterwards, which is kinda central to everyone.

I do pride myself in being able to bring everyone together, and everyone genuinely tends to get along, which is always a bonus. 

WTF?

I had a dream last night where CC and I went on a city break somewhere. Nothing out of the ordinary in that. CC features in dreams occasionally, travel features in dreams quite often. What doesn't feature in dreams or thoughts in general is me and CC having sex.

But that was a large part of last night's dream.

CC is attractive. Physically, she ticks boxes: brunette, tall, great figure. But I don't think I've ever thought about her from a sexual perspective. Her personality always deflects from her obvious physical characteristics. Maybe a dream before? But never an actual conscious thought. Not that it concerns me... I'm a little bemused by it.

But last night's dream has given me though about travelling. 

And it was.

It was a decent night, last night. QC1 didn't show up, but she had been in contact with AM outside of the WhatsApp group.

I arrived on-time, got a beer and found some seats. Twenty minutes later, Mr AM walked in. 

"We're in the other bar"

CB Pub has like three different bars, and AM favours the one with no atmosphere, no natural light, is quite dark and is, IMO, very... oppressive?

So, yeah, they arrive later, instantly go to that bar then come looking for me. I don't think I blogged about it, but I was pretty sure this was going to happen.

Regardless, minor frustration aside, it was a decent night, catching up with AM and Mr AM. Another couple arrived  - the couple who said they were clearing out their kitchen.

But it's not something I'm inclined to do again soon.

We did talk about the useless WhatsApp group. I did say to AM that I was considering leaving it, which she was surprised about. My complaint about people not having the decency to reply to a question fell on deaf ears even though AM herself has been vocal about arranging things. The QC1 thing is a case in point. If I were relying on the WhatsApp chat, I could easily have been doing something else last evening.

"I was never not coming out," said AM.

"You suggested rescheduling in the group on Tuesday!"

"Yeah, but..." AM trailed off. 

I did try and catch the eye of an attractive blonde woman who was with a couple of friends, but AM's choice of bar was against me - not only is it dark and oppressive - it's not really a bar for mingling in the way the other bars would be.

She was really cute, though, in an Elizabeth Banks kinda way. 

Get on down.

While out at CB Pub last night, I saw a poster for my favourite local band. They're playing CB Pub a few days before Christmas. It's a Wednesday night, but I'll likely be off work anyway, so a few beers and some great music would be very welcome.

I think it might be stress free this year, too. I think we (the adults in the family) have agreed to only buy the kids, so no stress about buying presents as the kids will just want money.

Cooking up a storm.

Years ago, in the early stages of dating FA2, she decided to move house. That prompted two things: firstly, an unspoken agreement that we had to "christen" every room in her house and secondly, and most obvious, that she needed to do a clear out and pack.

As part of the clear out piece, we were doing her kitchen and I marvelled at how much foodstuff in her cupboards was out of date - mainly cooking ingredients like spices etc. I'm pretty sure I scoffed at her for having things that were ten years old in her cupboard.

Well, luckily no-one was around when I binned off a lot of stuff earlier today. Like FA2, a lot of spices etc. but also a lot of dried foods: rice, lentils etc. and cooking kits.

Hopefully, though, once the next few phases of house upgrades are complete, I'll have a better kitchen that will allow me to do more cooking. I do enjoy cooking, I just don't have the space currently to get into it properly.

And, yes, we did christen every single room in her house... many times over as it turned out. 

Here we go?

I'm looking forward to seeing AM and Mr AM tonight. To the best of my knowledge, no-one else is showing up. At least, no-one's said anything in the group chat. It really wouldn't surprise me if QC1 and her husband showed up. That's typical of QC1. She'd only have said anything if she were unhappy with the arrangements.

the girl who started the WhatsApp chat has claimed that she's clearing her kitchen in anticipation of getting work done soon, so she can't attend. Guess who else has been cleaning and clearing their kitchen in anticipation of getting work done within the next few weeks? Yep, me. And yet I'm still organised enough to attend. After all, this isn't a last-minute thing. The date has been out there since the start of the month.  Anyone not replying to say they can/can't make it is just plain fucking rude.

Plans.

Remember a few weeks ago, I stated in this post that I had tentative plans in place with AM and her husband to do dinner and drinks? Well, a few days after that, AM posted in the Quiet WhatsApp Group about it. I was the only person to reply. It's now two weeks after that again, and the tentative date mentioned is this coming Saturday.

I skipped the Quiet Group and messaged AM directly: are we still doing Saturday?

No reply as yet.

Regardless of what happens on Saturday, I'm leaving the group on Sunday. What's the fucking point when people don't even have the decency to reply to a message/question about meeting up? It's not even me being ignored, but I'm still angry at their uselessness.

(As an aside, I fully expect QC1 to be in touch with AM directly and if we do go out on Saturday, I expect QC1 and her husband to show up.)

Work and Play

Quiet Girl pinged our group chat in work earlier. Were we still going to the work even at the end of next week? I replied saying that I was. No-one else has said anything as yet, but I'm looking forward to it. It's been good fin the past few years and I think our group will be a little bigger than last year.

It might be similar to the year before that, though, where we ended up in CB Pub and QG's friend might have made a suggestion about me calling her.

That was a great night, and if we get close to having a night that good, I'll be pleased.

I will say that my capacity for alcohol has greatly diminished over the past year or so. Even on Saturday out with G, I only had like 5 pints over 5 hours and I was definitely not sober. 

It's weird... I can drink a lot more in the house than I can in the pub. 

But something to look forward to nonetheless. 

Walky talky.

Nerdy Girl finally replied to my message from last week. We swapped a few messages and we're going to meet on Thursday for a walk. It's been ages since we last met - maybe the start of June? So it'll be nice to catch up. The weather's gotten a bit cooler, so it'll be easier to do a walk of a few miles compared to last week.

Suits you.

Shortly after posting my last post, G was in touch. He was in the city. I replied and told him I'd meet him in an hour. That would give me time to finish a couple of chores, get showered and get the bus into the city.

And so it was, pretty much exactly an hour later, that I rocked up in a local tourist bar to meet G, his wife and youngest son. And it was good fun. We parted ways around 7:30 PM after roughly five hours of conversation and banter. Despite only having 5 drinks was very tipsy and horrendously dehydrated.

That's been a feature of me drinking alcohol over the past month or so - it doesn't take a lot to get me drunk, I don't like being drunk (even more so than in the past - this feels like a different type of drunk) and I get dehydrated really easily.

And as a side note, I had a bit of a strut on. I wore some of my new clothes - a shirt and a pair of jeans - and I caught myself in the mirror before I left and I looked good. I can't remember the last time I thought I looked good to the point where I actually had a confidence boost - probably wearing a suit and getting compliments from KfW2/eye fucked by CH. 

The Emperor's Next Clothes. (cont'd)

So after all that nonsense from the past few days, I got a text message saying that the second, and final, clothes package was ready for collection.

It (the clothes) reminds me of a couple of conversations from years ago. The first was with QC2 and a couple of other female co-workers. I'd commented that I didn't like "ornate" clothes or clothes with ornate designs during a random conversation. Then, one day, when I turned up in a pink t-shirt, I was called out for being a hypocrite (not by QC2, but by the other girl). My argument was that bright colours did not fall under "ornate" designs.

I also had a conversation with F back in the day where she saw photos of me and was surprised that I was wearing colourful clothes. She'd gotten it into her head that I only wore black, for some reason. It was an assumption she couldn't really explain.

Regardless, I've got some really nice (colourful) clothes to wear for a fraction of the price they'd normally be. Result!

The Emperor's Next Clothes.

I order a bunch of stuff from the Next summer sale a few weeks back. It was meant to be have been delivered to the nearest store today, but I've just had a series of messages that are contradicting each other.

1. The order's not arrived at the store, but they're expecting it imminently. It's on its way and will arrive within a few days.
2. We're getting your order ready and we'll let you know when it's ready for collection. 
3. Your order has been delayed and we don't know what it will be delivered. You can cancel if you want.
4. We're getting your order ready and we'll let you know when it's ready for collection. 
5. We're getting your order ready and we'll let you know when it's ready for collection. 
6. Your order is ready for collection! 

Yup, that message came in twice (4 and 5). For two different portions of the order. I ordered like 5 things: an order of 3 and an order of 2. But now it looks like there's an order of 4 and an order of 1. And the order of 1 is now ready for collection, but the bulk of it is nowhere to be seen despite being ordered first.

Very confusing.

Just deliver my new clothes already.

Plans ahoy!

G was in touch late last night. We've tentatively arranged to do something tomorrow, but the timing is still to be confirmed. It could be afternoon, it could be evening. With the weather the way it is, I don't really care either way.

I think G is leaning more towards coming into the city centre, but I don't really mind. It's unlikely that he'll be alone. I know his youngest son and wife are also over, so they could well be in tow. I don't really know his kids, and I've only met his wife a few times. She's one of those who doesn't show her face too often.

But it should be a decent afternoon or evening out, regardless. 

Incommunicado

Not heard back from G, though I wasn't expecting anything today, to be honest. My assumption is that he'll get some family stuff out of the way, freeing up the rest of his time here. And if memory serves, he said he'd be here until Sunday.

What is slightly more concerning is the lack of contact from E and Nerdy Girl. E eventually replied to my birthday wishes with a message, which I've replied to. But that was over a week ago and she's said nothing since. And I sent Nerdy Girl a message a few days ago suggesting we meet next week for a walk, but she's strangely silent too. It's only been two days, but she's rarely, if ever, taken longer than 12 hours to reply to a message.

I sea you.

G's just been in touch. I might have gotten it slightly wrong about his trip over. I think, this time, his wife is also over, and they're staying in a seaside town only a few miles away. He's suggested getting a train into the city for drinks, but I've countered that with an offer to get the train to them, for drinks.

For starters, it'd be a nice change of scenery. Secondly, with the weather the way it is, the idea of outdoor pints looking across the sea from a nice pub has a real draw to it, don't you think?

I'm just waiting to hear back from G. 

Q?

Back in the day, when USHW and I used to have our conversations via email, we would often ask direct questions of each other. Sometimes they were personal in nature and sometimes they were just random nonsense, like:

"You wake up one Friday morning and found that you were in a bloke's body and you somehow knew that you'd transform back being to being female on Sunday night, what would you do for the weekend?"

But I had a dream last night. I can't remember the details beyond waking up this morning and thinking "That'd be a brilliant Q for USHW".

But, like the dream, it rapidly faded and by the time I'd had breakfast, brushed my teeth, gone for a walk and returned home, the details were gone.

Planning.

G's meant to be back home from Thursday to Sunday. given the weather, I'd rather hoped he'd be in touch to maybe plan something more substantial than an hour of dinner and a swift pint somewhere. Maybe take an afternoon somewhere between my house and his sister's house (where he stays when he's home).

I know of just the place, too. Or a couple of them, to be precise. One right on the coast,  one attached to a hotel but would be brilliant for an afternoon of pints.

Things to do.

AM sent a message into the previously-quiet WhatsApp chat. It effectively said the same thing that we'd agreed on a few weeks back: dinner and drinks at a restaurant I'd suggested. I've said that I'm available but no-one else has said anything so far.

That makes a busy enough month: brunch with CC yesterday, I'm assuming drinks with G next weekend and dinner with AM (and others) the weekend after that. On top of that, there are two work-related things potentially happening before the wend of the month: dinner and drinks with some current and ex-colleagues plus our annual work summer party at the end of the month with Quiet Girl, Stalky Guy and others.

Lots of socialising this month. It must be my busiest month, socially, in ages.

Hands on.

I can only remember some vague details about last night's dream, but it involved work. I started a new team and most of the people were new to me, except for two people: a guy I used to work with about ten years ago and QC3. Why QC3 popped up when I've not thought about her in years is a mystery, but appear she did.

While the work was my current job, the place where we were was an amalgamation of various offices I've worked in over the years. 

I was sitting on a bench and she walked through the door. She immediately saw me and came over to sit beside me. her opening sentence was something about owing me money and that she had the money to replay me for video games and trips we'd taken. She was also getting very handsy, suggesting something physical, though the dream ended before anything like that happened.

It must be the warm weather because my dreams have been very random recently. 

Brunch to Lunch.

It was after Noon by the time I heard from CC, and it took me to message her first. She really is a night owl. though given that she's also a massive sun worshipper, I had naively thought that she'd get herself out of bed earlier because the weather is too good to waste, but no. So a request for breakfast/brunch turned into brunch/lunch.

Booty Time.

I'm pretty sure I've commented on this before, but back in the day, around the same time that I briefly hooked up with FBS, she would often wear a really nice pair of black OTK boots over her jeans.

They're also known as "fuck me boots" or, as FBS called them: "CFM boots" for "come, fuck me". I don't recall FBS wearing them in the three or so months we were doing our thing. She definitely never wore them any time we went back to her house for... fun. I definitely would have remembered that.

And while I do have fond memories of FBS wearing that combination of jeans and footwear, it wasn't a look I recall seeing other women wear... until I saw an Instagram post with this actress, Helen Flanagan. 

 

I didn't, but did.

I didn't contact CC about dinner. It's a bank holiday weekend over here, and the weather is gorgeous, so I assumed any where we'd likely go to would be rammed. I did get in touch about brunch tomorrow though. And she's agreed to it.

Redemption.

Ages ago, like years, like pre-Covid, I had a period where, for no reason, I got super-paranoid that KfW2 had found this blog. it was unfounded paranoia. I woke one morning with the idea planted in my head and couldn't shake it for a few weeks, then it disappeared. I can't remember if I blogged about it or chatted to USHW about it.

But, back to today and  the post I made on Wednesday where I complained about KfW2 pleading poverty and also her random text messaging because she wouldn't text yesterday.

Well, she did text yesterday and there was the seeds of an actual conversation. And she arrived today, fully apologetic because she had to literally drop off some stuff and leave. But even though she was only here for ten minutes, she still offered up about four hugs. I love hugs. I love hugs with boobs, too. They hit different.

And her final parting sentence:

"When we come back, do you want to go for dinner or do that thing we did a few years back?" 

No mention of poverty.

"Let's figure it out when you come back."

Though, dear Reader, I am already leaning towards dinner. 

But, yeah, anyone would think that she'd been  reading the blog. She does have a habit of redeeming herself like this, though.

And speaking of dinner, I'm tempted to contact CC and see if she wants to do something low-key this evening. I'll see how I feel in an hour. 

And we're off!

Not a bad start to my time off work. Well, that's not strictly true. I was at the dentist, first thing, for a filling. But that involved a pleasant walk of around 2 miles, listening to some music, and indulging in my... passion? for women in scrubs.

But I've also managed to do some gardening, paint the fence and message several people, including USHW. KfW2 hasn't been in touch, though that's sadly expected, especially after her message from a few days ago. I will be seeing her tomorrow, though, albeit briefly. CC hasn't been in touch either, surprisingly. I was half-expecting her to be in contact, suggesting we go out for dinner. 

There's plenty of time left in the day, though. 

And Jessica Alba didn't show up, USHW.
 

Sad Face

I was in the middle of making dinner last night when my phone pinged several times. It was KfW2. It was a pattern that long-term readers will find familiar coming from KfW2:

"I've missed you! We've not spoken in ages!"

"When we come back from holidays, you have to come and visit cos I won't be able to afford to go out!"

And then a gif and a voice note, all interspersed with a few "lol"s for good measure.

But this is a pattern. We don't see each other for ages, I suggest going out, KfW2 is unavailable then claims she can't afford to go out, and we end up having drinks at hers.

I'm partly to blame. I've not been in touch with her for months and the last time we spoke a few weeks back, she beat me to the call by about 10 mins: I was going to call her after seeing my Dad, but she called as I was leaving.

There are a number of reasons why I'm a little disappointed in the messages. I'm glad she was in touch. Having my friends get in contact proactively or even visit is hugely important to me. But if she'd done it tomorrow? That would have been so much better, for personal reasons (and she did cover that in her voice note). I'm also meant to be doing her a favour, and I was expecting to see her in person on Friday. But there's been no mention of that.

Here's looking at you.

I think my brother in law made a bit of a faux pas last night. I got a WhatsApp message from him, and I only saw it briefly. It mentioned my weight loss, fairly accurately too, so I think he used AI to determine how much weight I've lost because I've not told anyone exactly how much I've lost.

But the message was quickly deleted and he shared a photo from last Monday's family event: a picture of me, him and my nephew. And I have to say, it's a great picture of us.

But it's the first time I've seen "me" since I started the weight loss journey over 18 months ago. I mean, I've looked in the mirror but I've not seen a photo and it was difficult to recognise the person looking back at me. There's the weight loss, of course, but due to hair loss, I've also started keeping my hair really short.

So the face looking back at me from the photo was familiar,  but it wasn't me. In a good way, I think.

Bittersweet memories.

Facebook has shown me a picture of a pint of beer from three years ago today. I recall the day well: I met with FP and BR, we went to a restaurant, chatted then ended up in a pub that's close by.

It's memorable for all the wrong reasons. FP shared news about his illness with BR. BR shared news with FP about his addiction problems. And while the news sharing wasn't fun or great, it was great catching up with the guys, and the conversation quickly turned more positive and happy, even though strictly speaking, we shouldn't have been in the pub, but BR insisted it was OK and we did want to continue our conversation.

And a final, less positive note on this memory, it was the last day I saw FP in person. A very bittersweet memory. 

I'll have a beer later, I think. 

Looking good.

For the first time in a long time, V's posted on Facebook. A selfie of her and someone else going to a World Cup match. V has Italian and Argentinian heritage, and is very proud of both. And I have to say, she's looking very well in the selfie.

Sun's out!

I'm due to take some time off, ten days, in fact, and I'm looking forward to the break. I have some stuff to do about the house to prepare for the big work that's happening at the start of next month, and there's some stuff in the garden that I'd like to do. And that's handy because the weather for the next week is meant to be very good.

That means pleasant time in the garden, beers, books and music. And a very pleasant way to spend my time off instead of sat in front of a computer, like I normally do.

Hello?

I sent E a WhatsApp message a few days ago as it was her birthday. According to WhatsApp, she's not even read it, never mind acknowledged it. I hope things are OK. I don't think we've swapped messages since the start of the year.

Let's go!

G sent a text message to say that he'd be home in two weeks time. From the way he was talking, there could be a good chance we have a proper night out. I'd like that. I feel the need for spending some time with a close friend. Recent socialising with family and work colleagues has been fun, but it's not scratched that itch that a night out with friends would satisfy.

Starry eyed.

A bit of a weird dream last night: I was working in an old people's home that I think was owned and operated by my parents. For some inexplicable reason, several times a year, we needed to do some big work to a deadline - lots of admin and paperwork, some handiwork and decorating and things like that, but my Dad would always wait until the last minute and I'd get roped into helping him even though I disagreed with how he did things.

So far, not so weird and it did kind of mirror something that happened in real life. Where it gets weird is that the people who would drop in to help out would be A-list celebrities: Jennifer Lawrence, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake all featured. There were more, but I don't remember who else was there.

And it seemed that I was really friendly with both Jennifer Lawrence and Scarlett Johansson, generally chatting about all sorts including our respective careers and private lives. 

And... well, that's about it. 

Urgh.

Despite my social life being very quiet these days, I've now been in the pub three times since Sunday: the gig with Quiet Girl, a family thing on Monday evening and a work thing last night.

I wasn't expecting a lot from last night, to be honest, but it was surprisingly good fun.

Feeling it a little today. not a hangover per se, but a lack of sleep. Roll on 5 PM. 

You know, who?

Morena Baccarin's Instagram posts from today are giving me off some serious KfW2 vibes. It's the glasses, I think.