Sigh

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the secret promotion never happened. There were some secret promotions in the department, just not me.

Knowing the people promoted, I have to wonder what it is they did to deserve it. As far as I know, they come in and do their vanilla job from 9 to 5 every day before going home. They haven't, until recently, been involved in department-wide committees etc.

Ever just get the feeling that your face doesn't fit with managers?

A quick digest

I have the lurgy. A guy in work has been coughing and spluttering for nigh on a week now... and it appears that sitting within ten metres of him has cost me my health.

I hope it doesn't last... I have a work thing on Friday that I wanted to attend (to laugh at Ideas Girl) and GM, S and myself have tentatively booked a night out on the Saturday.

In apropos of nothing, it looks like the secret promotion that I was expecting is not going to happen. I need an email from HR by the end of play tomorrow to let me know it's happening, otherwise I'm shit out of luck. Pessimism has set in.

Just stuff.

Chatting to JB today and she surprised me by telling me that she was engaged. I offered my congratulations. She's been dating her boyfriend for around ten years. I'm surprised it didn't happen earlier.

She showed me her ring. I feigned interest. It was nice enough. Gold, but I'm more of a silver platinum man.

Still, I'm delighted for her.

Sigh.

Yesterday, KfW2 confided in me that her boss had gotten a promotion and she was thinking about applying for his job. An interesting career choice. KfW2 had never struck me as the management type. Then came the kicker.

"I need the pay rise"

Ah. Here we go again. This was her spiel last year when she got her new job. It was less about the job and all about the money. That's fine. If you need the money, you need the money. Don't dress up the desire for more money as career progression though. I went through that recently with another guy who eventually left the company for new opportunities. New opportunities that doubled his salary. Each time I see him, he doesn't talk about work... he talks about money.

Frustratingly, both KfW2 and Money Guy have been well looked after by various managers. And yet they remain unhappy. To be fair, KfW2 was well looked after until she went off on maternity a few years back, but since her return, her crown was given to Stalky Guy. It's annoying that, apart from Money Guy, the other two don't recognise their good fortune.

I admit that there's an element of jealousy and frustration. Stalky Guy, KfW2 and Money Guy have all had opportunities handed to them which, admittedly, they've grabbed with both hands and used to their advantage. I haven't had that break. Salary-wise I could/should be 30% better off. It still wouldn't put me anywhere near what the others are earning, but it would mean a lot to me.

KfW2 was talking about the new job all day to day and implying that the job advert is being written with her in mind. The thing is, I don't see her as management material. She doesn't have the personality for it, I don't think. She feels she can't lead right now and that having the title of "manager" will give her the gravitas to make decisions. Her time keeping is flaky, she can be unreliable and she can be all over the place. I'm not sure I'd want her to be my boss. Saying that, my boss is reliable, always in the office etc. and he plays favourites, so maybe KfW2 will work out fine?

My gut says "no", but I've pledged my support.

But I kinda feel that I need something to go my way either personally or professionally. I feel really worn down, exhausted, sick of hard work being ignored. I've not really felt this way in a while, but recent things have brought this back to the surface.

FFS.

For well over a year... nearly two years, I've been angling for a new job. Same boss, just a sideways move. He's told me it's happening. His boss told me it's happening. It just has to be worked out. Two years sounds like a long time, but I'm happy in my current role. It's just that this new one would be a new challenge and get me away from the current set up (including Stalky Guy). It'd mean working with a guy that I used to work with, who I get along with really well.

In fact, the new team have said they'd love to have me on-board. We presented a proposal to the senior boss a few weeks ago around training etc.  and... nothing. Apparently they've put it all on hold until next year.

Until Monday, when I saw a job advert. For the sister team. That would require an interview.

If the interview would be carried out by someone on the team, I'd go for it. They know me. I'd be nervous, sure, but they know my background etc. It's not though. It's to be carried out by a random fella, and the interview is more of an assessment and, quite frankly, it's poor. It's meant to test soft skills (communication to be accurate), but it doesn't.

So, over the past two years, the team has given Stalky Guy a free promotion (and pay rise), and two other guys have been given sideways moves. When it comes to me? No, that door's closed. Do an interview.

That's surely not coincidence. I'm not just being paranoid, am I?

Just stuff.

Another post from QC3 on Facebook. She's gone off the deep end. She was always bonkers. She's leaving the country at short notice, has apparently spent the last few months living with a guy half her age in some foreign country and has lost custody of her daughter. There are also hints that there may be alcohol abuse as well.

Oh dear.

Remember?

As Stalky Guy and I were leaving work this evening, who did I see outside, on the phone? CH. There's only one reason she would be outside - waiting on one of her friends, OK. She had a huge smile on her face and waved. I waved back.

Another guy was with us.

"Who was that?"

I gave CH's real name.

"Oh, is that who it was?"

Stalky Guy chipped in.

"She's nuts! I know a story about her"

Stalky Guy proceeded to explain to the other guy about a night out with work - one of our monthly work things - where she effectively got a friend of mine to show her his junk.

I can't remember the details - I guess it was something to do with whether or not he shaved... or something like that. So he called her bluff and proved her wrong. As it happens, that was also the night of this post, a night I still can't really understand bearing in mind she stopped talking to me after some criticism a few months later.

Chat

G was in touch at the start of the week. Was I free at the weekend to meet for a drink?

I nearly always am. G usually gives me enough notice that I am never double booked.

While we were only out for a couple of hours, we usually cover a load of topics.

For the first time, I admitted to G about one of my body issues. It's not a secret, my family, FP and KfW2 know about it, it's just never come up in conversation before. So while we were talking about fitness and weight loss, the subject came up.

Still... I always enjoy nights out with G, especially those when it's just the two of us. The conversation is more personal than if FP or M also show up.

Reminiscing

Surprisingly, the night out with D, FBS, Opinionated Guy and Friction Guy went well. It's been a while since we were all out together (nearly two years).

We ended up in one of my favourite bars, sat on stools. I was sat beside FBS, who was being very tactile. This, coming from someone who had professed earlier in the evening, wasn't "touchy feely".

If D hadn't been staying at mine last night, I'd have invited her back for a drink (we usually share a taxi anyway). She was looking good.

Of the girls I've slept with, who I'm aware of today, I can't think of anyone that I wouldn't sleep with again. Crushes are another matter though.

Hot off the press

New just in! There's a rearrangement going on in the office. People are moving all around. Looks like I'm going to be sitting facing Quiet Girl from now on. Might be a chance to get to know her better. I think she's still awfully hard to read. Reserved or just dry? I don't know.

Still looks great in yoga pants.

Totally Random.

FP and I were telling each other how we hadn't heard from G in a while. So it was almost inevitable that, two days after FP leaves the country for a week, that G texts to suggest we hit the pub. That's not due to happen until this weekend though. M might be along too, though I've not heard from him in months.

A weekend that already sees me out with D, FBS, Friction Guy and Opinionated Guy.

I might need to take Monday off.

Random stuff.

Off the back of this post, I was in the pub with FP a few nights ago. Towards the end of the night, the guy sitting next to us at the bar got involved in our conversation. Before too long, he started bitching about work. Now, I'm a believer that there are always three versions of any story: your version, their version and the truth somewhere in the middle. However, this guy's bitching seemed to be nothing more than a rant, so I interjected and cut him down to size with a few cutting words. I didn't meant to sound so aggressive, and FP apologised for my "somewhat autistic counter-argument".

Another reference to me being on the spectrum. It's happened before, too. I used to get some private messages when I did my online hobby asking if I was autistic. I still don't know how to approach my GP though, and I still have doubts as to what it would ultimately achieve.

Wow!

Regular readers will know that I have a type: athletic, brunette women. As such, Kate Beckinsale has always been a favourite, especially in her catsuit/Underworld offerings. And now this. How about that for flexibility?

"Listen all y'all, it's a sabotage"

Ploughing through a somewhat rock-orientated playlist in work, trying to distract me from a beer-induced lack of sleep last night, and Sabotage by the Beastie Boys comes on.

I love this track, but it also provokes other memories. Specifically, lying on FBS's sofa late one Saturday night with a music channel on, kissing and hands everywhere (as were her's). We'd been at it for some time, but when this particular song ended, she dragged me upstairs where we quickly undressed each other and, well, you know.

Good times.

Hello!

I was surfing IMDB today when I came across a photo of British actress Helen George. She's best known for "Call the Midwife", a drama that's not really my cup of tea. But do you know something? She really reminds me of GM's friend AH. Due to various things that have happened with GM, AH doesn't come out any more.

That's a shame. AH was always good fun and, as far as I am concerned, easy to talk to. I always give a lot of time to people that I can communicate with.

Pondering.

A few weeks ago, my brother-in-law described me as "sometimes weird". In the past both he and my sister have inferred that I might be further into the autism spectrum than most. While neither of them are medical professionals, they do have experience of autism. But how do I go about a diagnosis?

I'm not entirely convinced myself, though there are times I think I show traits. And have no idea how I would go about it. Just ask my GP? Based on some comments from my family, that even I'm not entirely sure of? When, even if it's true, I don't think has had any kind of influence on my life (and certainly not as much as my social anxiety or shyness).

Things to ponder.

Totally random. (Part 2)

It only took 24 hours for the Ideas Girl thing to escalate. Thankfully, not with me. But one of her admirers asked her out... while at work. And over the work's IM system. That could have been a costly manoeuvre, but she seemed to take it as being non-creepy and politely declined.

In telling me the story, she accidentally let slip the name of the young would-be paramour. I'd been teasing her, telling her that she'd eventually let me know who they were. I'm not that interested in them (apart from the identify of the married lothario), so I had continued the teasing in the hope that she'd crumble and tell me.

She hasn't so far, but time will tell.

Totally random.

Ideas Girl ambled over to talk to me.

"Did you go to the thing on Friday?"

I was confused. How did she know about the thing I was at? Oh. Hang on. She meant our monthly work thing.

"No, I was at something else"

"Ah. I heard some stuff about it. An almighty cock up. I can't name names."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Oh?"

"I can't tell you"

I laughed at her.

"I bet you will."

"I can't say owt here. Text me and I'll let you know."

I picked up my phone and sent her a text, right in front of her.

"I can't believe you would do that!" she declared.

When she went back to her desk, she replied. Someone from work had been making clumsy advances towards her on Friday, via text. IG herself hadn't gone to the monthly event.

"And he's married!" she complained. Wait, was it a complaint? I don't know.

"Do these people not know I'm an incorrigible bachelor?"

And before I could reply:

"He told me he loved me!"

So I asked who it was. IG was tight lipped.

"You know him, so I'm not saying. And he's not the only one. There are three."

Three, eh?

"Ooooh, who are they?"

"They're undateable. That's all you need to know"

"In this company? It's not like you're narrowing it down"

I chuckled to myself and sent her a few texts through the afternoon, teasing her. Then it hit me... her actual confession wasn't what she had originally been talking to me about. Interesting.

Surprise!

We had a work thing yesterday. Not our monthly work thing, but something only for our team. We try to have a few of these every year, for bonding and whatnot. However, due to a couple of last-minute dropouts, we roped in a few people who sit beside us, including Quiet Girl.

I didn't expect her to come along, but when the department boss gives you a half day and is going to pay for everything, what are you going to do?

So, I was in the pub by midday. Spent a pleasant few hours playing crazy golf in QG's team, before adjourning to another bar to meet up with, amongst others, Nerdy Girl.

Drunk and tired, I flopped into bed around 11 PM.

Am knackered today... and could do with The Cure.

Movin' on up. Now?

Maybe I've been imagining things, but I've been semi-expecting an impromptu promotion for a while now. Partly because we've lost some people recently and I'd expect our bosses to try and prevent more losses (they know of my unhappiness about my grade) and partly because my immediate boss said something that made me think he's be trying to get me in the next promotion cycle (that's this month) and his manager giving me knowing looks recently.

Plus... I genuinely think I deserve it. I've outshone Stalky Guy, who has had success handed to him over the past few years but is no better than I am (worse actually, on a day-to-day basis). My results speak for themselves, I just hope that they've gotten to the managers. My workplace is big enough that the political aspect does come into play and having my name seen by the Big Cheeses would be influential.

Any promotions will be announced any time from now until the end of the month, but I'm starting to get butterflies... in a bad way. After convincing myself I was a shoe-ion for the past six weeks, I'm now starting to think the opposite and that's gonna hurt.