Time.

This month has seemingly been both the shortest, and longest, that I can remember. My days are long.  Settling into a new role at work, but have been left somewhat isolated with little to do. My evenings go by so quickly. That's felt weird.

I'm apprehensive about the new role. There's low level anxiety there. Nowhere near the amount I was experiencing before Christmas, but still there. But I'm also kinda optimistic about it. There are going to be hard times ahead until I get settled though.

Despite my best intentions, I'm not seeing KfW2 this weekend. Time just got away from me this week. I will call her and chat, but it'll probably be next weekend at the earliest.

No-kay Cupid.

So, despite this post, where I said I was going to reactivate my OK Cupid account to try online dating again, I've made no progress. The problem is that it won't let me reactivate my account and their customer service department has now stopped replying to my emails. The decision now is do I try something else (probably eHarmony) or just stick with Tinder and Bumble.

I'm edging towards trying eHarmony. Sticking only with Tinder or Bumble seems kinda pointless given my complete lack of matches over the past few years. I could also just create another email address to use to register on OK Cupid, but I've been put off by their customer service experience.

Ungentlemanly thoughts.

I've found myself going to bed later and later. I think it's a leftover from being off work for nearly four weeks over the Xmas period.

Typically, it's because I'm watching a film or reading a book. Last night, it was Guy Ritchie's The Gentlemen. It was reasonably enjoyable, but one of the final shots of the film was Michelle Dockery in a short skirt and boots.

Mmmm... short skirt and boots. Definitely giving me ungentlemanly thoughts.

Kinda reminds me of a picture that Attractive Neighbour used in one of her Tinder appearances.

Just talking.

KfW2 phoned earlier, just for a chat.

After talking about KfW2 and her mental health for a bit, we got onto the subject of communication. KfW2 was very guilty.

"We used to talk every day and I feel like I've ignored you for the past two years!"

I reassured her that that wasn't the case, but she was adamant.

"You're brilliant at being in touch with people. I just forget about them."

Our relationship has changed, slowly, over the years. She's changed, her life's changed and mine hasn't. I remember having a conversation with USHW, years ago, where I had concerns that our friendship would change once KfW2 got married. That came to pass, and despite my best efforts, we saw each other more and more infrequently, especially when she was pregnant twice in quick succession.

Then she decided to do more working from home, she changed jobs, she got a couple of promotions and each change meant we'd talk or see each other less. I've probably posted before, but I can't remember the last time we went out, just the two of us, for something that wasn't our birthday. I think it's at least five years.

Regardless, I shared none of this. I told her that she wasn't solely to blame. I had communicated less, too. And that's true, especially during 2021. I was more withdrawn in general, I had stuff on my mind that made me preoccupied and by the time I realised, it was December and the year had passed me by.

I had spent most of 2020 reaching out to people, chatting, and making sure they were OK during the first wave of the pandemic. I guess I got tired and when I had my own problems to solve, being proactive in chatting to people just fell away. And none of that proactiveness was reflected back to me.

I'm hoping that we'll see each other very soon, possibly even this coming weekend, but KfW2 won't make a decision. If she decides to drink, we'll have to go somewhere local to her, which restricts our options. If she doesn't want to drink, she can drive and the world is our oyster. It's just getting her to decide.

Catch up

It wasn't a really late night. I was back in the house around 145 AM, but I didn't wake up this morning until after 11 AM and I've been feeling really muggy all day long. It's been a long time since I was that drunk, and I have to say that I really didn't like feeling the way I did today. I don't remember ever feeling that muggy before, plus the not waking until after 11 AM thing is new.

And it was a good night, catching up with the boys. I've not seen FC in over a year, and chats with GM and S have been brief and not really going into any depth.

Balls.

We didn't go for a walk last night. The weather had closed in and was raining, so we adjourned to the pub to play pool. It was nice catching up and it was nice getting out of the house, although I would have preferred the walk if I am being honest.

Next up - potentially out with FC,GM and S at the weekend to a local bar.

About time.

A few days ago, KfW2 visited. That's the first time I've talked to her in any way since she had her episode a week before Christmas. We have been in contact, but it's all been via text.

And it was great seeing her. She still has some of the same symptoms that she exhibited that night, but not to the same extent as, maybe just as importantly, she's a little used to it, so the panic that probably made things worse, wasn't present.

I'm hoping that we might get out for dinner and drinks within the next few weeks. KfW2 is very keen for that to happen, but it's KfW2. At the best of times, she won't make a decision about where to eat or when.

Still, dinner and drinks, just us, is something I'm definitely looking forward to. I still can't remember the last time we were out for a non-birthday reason, and this upcoming thing falls under that category, but beggars can't be choosers.

Dreams

I had a dream about CH last night. The details are a little hazy, but I was visiting someone and CH popped in to visit too. Strangely, I don['t think this was someone CH knows. Stuff happened, I had to go elsewhere, and when I returned, CH had gone and the person I was visiting told me that CH had split from her husband.

And then CH reappeared and I decided that I would pursue a physical relationship with her. And it was around this stage that I woke up.

That's the first I've thought about CH in a long time, though it kinda falls into the same kind of dream that I was having over the Christmas period involving FA2 or FBS around wanting to wake up with a warm body beside me.

Well, maybe not the same kind of dream, but definitely a similar feeling/mood upon waking and remembering the dreams.

Hot coffee

I decided that I would treat myself to a coffee machine for Christmas. Ideally I'd like a full bean-to-cup machine, but I don't really have the space to put one, nor do I have the money to spend on one. I'll definitely revisit the idea once I get my kitchen renovated, which is probably at least a year away.

I did buy a pod machine. A Tassimo. If there's one thing I miss because I'm WFH and not in the office, it's the company of people. Secondary to that, though, is the treat of a nice coffee and no instant coffee I've tried has really scratched that itch.

It was delivered this morning... but the package with the coffee in it is still in transit somewhere, despite them both being part of the same order. Sigh.

Out and about

I'm meeting Nerdy Girl tonight for a walk. It's dry but very cold, but I'm looking forward to meeting her. We've arranged and postponed a few things over the Christmas period, so this is long overdue. If it rains, then it won't be a walk, it'll like be the less energetic, but still enjoyable, games of pool.

Here we go again.

I don't know why, but I've decided to re-open my OK Cupid account. It's been years since I had an account on a "proper" online dating site rather than one of the apps, but I've done most of the mainstream ones in the past (Match, Plenty of Fish, OKC, eHarmony) and only Match paid dividends (DSC, Date No. 1).

Even though Match owns pretty much everything these days, I've decided that OKC is the one. I don't know why. I have misgivings about the main Match.com site, about bots and fake accounts to bolster the numbers and fake traffic. Plus with it being limited free (with features locked in subscription), you can never tell if someone has read your email but not replied, or simply not read your email because they're not a subscriber (I seem to recall this was an question with CB).

But I guess I have nothing to lose at this stage, right?

Monday night beers.

Facebook, by the way of its memories, reminded me that it's the anniversary of the night I went to see GM and GB with a view to maybe trying to arrange an introduction with CB. Well, not today per se, but yesterday. It was after midnight when I posted the large collection of beer cans that GM and I had gone through, just chatting. If I remember correctly, it was a Monday night. I shouldn't be drinking 8.5% beers on any night, let alone a Monday.

So, it's left me feeling a little wistful this morning. I don't do regrets, but the whole CB thing is one of those times where it does come close.

Smell ya later.

A while ago (I can't remember how long ago), I posted about a crush from school who wore a particular fragrance but I couldn't adequately put my finger on what the notes of the smell were or what it might have been called. I always, in my own head, described it as "smoky/tobacco" kinda smell, but I couldn't explain to you why those were the words I chose to describe it.

Well, after all that preamble, I lit a candle over the holiday period, and bloody hell if it didn't spark some memories of the crush. I can't say if the candle is the exact same smell as her perfume/body spray back in the day, but it kinda feels the same. Here it is: Sugared Blossom. No mention of tobacco or smoke, but once lit, I'm back at high school chatting to the crush.

Out of the blue!

In another out-of-the-blue announcement, JB posted a picture on Facebook of a baby. Much like her wedding announcement last year, this was completely out of the blue. JB and I aren't exactly close., but had we been in the office, we would have chatted and both her wedding and pregnancy wouldn't have been a surprise.

In roughly 9 weeks time, it'll have been two years since we were in the office. Two years FFS.

Talky.

This first week back at work has seemed like it's gone on forever, despite being only 4 days. I haven't had a lot to do, so I've been clock watching and wasting time. I pinged Quiet Girl earlier and we chatted for about half an hour about Christmas and our time off. Eventually, I said that I had to log off to go and do some shopping, which was true.

Forty-five minutes later, I'm walking down the mall of the local shopping centre and I see a girl in front of me. She has a nice ass. I recognise the gait... Quiet Girl! 

I catch up with her and tap her on the shoulder. I was pleased to see that she was masked. We laugh at the coincidence of meeting especially after chatting online, minutes earlier. We chatted for a minute or so then I surprised myself by asking her to grab a coffee with me.

"Not right now... I have a couple of things to get, but if I meet you at Nero at 5 PM?" I asked.

Surprisingly, she agreed.

She was slightly early, though I was too. I bought her a coffee and we chatted for another half an hour or so before she had to leave. She tried to give me the money for a coffee.

"Nah, my treat."

"But I won't be able to buy you one back!"

"Never say never. If there is a next time, it's your treat. I'll hold you to that."

She seemed satisfied with that, and with that, we parted ways. Not a bad end to the week.

Easy listening/watching.

Despite unsubscribing from her YouTube channel a few months ago, I keep seeing notifications for Whitney Cummings. I stopped watching as I found her interview technique lacking, often calling attention to herself rather than her interesting guests.

However, the most recent interview was with Dita Von Teese, so I cracked and watched it, and I'd recommend it. She's hilarious, very eloquent and interesting to listen to. While I knew who she was, I knew pretty much nothing about her. If you have a spare hour and a half, I'd recommend it - on YouTube or Spotify. Cummings still seems to draw attention to herself over the guest sometimes, but I wasn't watching for her.

Time flies

A digest email from LinkedIn reminded me that it's been six years since CH left for a new job. I've barely heard from her since then, but that's not massively surprising given how things were when she left and our last-minute reconciliation.

Would things have been any different had she left a year earlier when we were on much better terms and she was sending me gushing text messages expressing how awesome I was? Somehow I doubt it. I know she's still in regular contact with OK, GWTNA and MMF, often seeing them socially. I still think she didn't know how to handle a male/female friendship and that was causing her as much angst as her other feelings.

Goals (Part 1 - Health)

Obviously with it being the new year, I have goals on my mind. I've been considering my health, especially after last year.

I need to start looking at my mental health. The issues I faced late last year are still present, and I have contact details that will hopefully kickstart some kind of resolution.

I also, as you may well have guessed by now, need to consider my physical health. I've started and stopped little things over the past few years, but since the pandemic, I've really fallen off the wagon as I'm not even doing my usual walking (when I'm in the office, I can easily do 9000+ steps per day, now it's about 300).

My main thought is to get back into my Yoga, which I've loved in the past, but I've also recently discovered Caroline Girvan who has a series of FREE workout programmes on YouTube. That might be a little much for me right now. I think the best idea is to get the yoga up and running again and then consider other options, once my body is used to doing some exercise again.

Urgh (update).

An update on my last post, I pretty much didn't sleep last night. The nausea went away, but the shivering, aches etc. lasted throughout the night. I eventually fell asleep around 5 AM, and woke at 9 AM. I felt OK this morning. I still feel a little off, but I was putting that down to the lack of sleep more than anything else. The other symptoms have all but gone.

I did an LFT, and it came back negative, which is reassuring, though I still couldn't figure out where I would've gotten Covid from, given my isolation.

Urgh.

I've been feeling off-kilter all day long. Not ill per se, just not feeling myself.

That was, until after 6 PM. Now I'm starting to feel achey, nauseous and shivery. Obviously, my first thought is that it is Covid, but I've not seen anyone apart from my family in weeks (KfW2's breakdown was the last time I saw non-family members).

I'm going to have an early night and see what I feel like in the morning. Regardless, it looks like a LFT for me. I hate those things.

Face to face.

I was due to be in the pub tonight with FP (the CB pub). We've scheduled, then postponed, a trip to the pub at least three times over the past week. It is a risk, what with Omicron currently sweeping the globe, but I kinda feel that I need to get out and see someone who's not immediate family. The one thing I wanted to do over the Christmas break was to be social and see people. That hasn't turned out that way, though, and I have two days leave left until I'm back in work on Tuesday.

KfW2 had suggested that we might meet this weekend, and there was a tone to the suggestion that she might have meant without the kids, only for her to message me 24 hours later to tell me that she had Covid. 

Tentatively, FP and I will get together next week, or the weekend, but we'll have to see.

No title, just the first post of the year.

Doing a New Year's Day re-watch of Deadpool and am once again struck by Morena Baccarin, so have a picture while I try to get my muggy head in the game.

I know I said it last night, but it's worth repeating: Happy New Year everyone!