Last post of the year.... definitely.

GM just text to tell me that he was staying down home. So, sending out an email on December 17th and following up with texts and phone calls to try and cut out all of this last minute rubbish has been a complete waste of time. A text, less than an hour or so before we should have been in the pub, and I had to force that out of him as well. This is most unlike GM though - he's usually very good at being in contact.

It shouldn't be a big thing but I am pretty gutted for two main reasons - the first is that I am throwing my lot in with S and his friends tonight, but the two options on the table are a rather snooty bar/club with clientele whose age is significantly lower than mine and a brand new bar, both of which are complete unknowns for big occasions such as New Year's Eve. The second is that I was hoping that by turning up to the same bar as last year I could guarantee a good night, but also I might actually put this CB thing to bed. Chances are, that's where she'll be tonight, if she's in the city - the plan being to actually talk to her (with GM on board, this would have been very likely) and regardless of the outcome, the whole MFF/GB thing could be forgotten about.

This has been the worst year on record for meeting women... even with KfW2 supposedly "pimping" me out to her friends (another admission just today of some done at the weekend), the only person I've seen who I was in any way attracted to was CB. I think the problem is that I haven't met anyone else, so CB remains as the "best" option I had this year, though I do still feel that I shouldn't feel as strongly about it after all this time... it is a year ago to the day since I saw her in the flesh.

I'm meant to be meeting KfW2 at the weekend for lunch and drinks. I told her a while back that once we had Xmas over and done with, I'd give the online dating a go again... so Saturday will be the start of it. Or, rather, I shall be setting the wheels in motion. I can't have another year in 2014 like this one.

Last post of the year... probably.

So, the upshot of it all - "it" being the anger and frustration at the lack of contact from people over the holiday period - is that I am sat here awaiting a phone call or text message from GM.

He was belatedly in touch earlier to apologise for not being in touch, said that he was still considering coming out tonight, but hasn't decided if he'll do it back home, where his parents live, or here in the city.

If he does come to the city, we have two options - meet up with S or do our own thing. I've already stated my preference for going to the same place as last year. While there might only be two of us, when we're together, we usually have a good time and can get talking to people with no problems.

Regardless of where we go (if GM stays at home, I still have the option of meeting S and his friends), we'd need to be in the pub by 2100 at the very latest, so that's about two and a half hours away and I'm hoping that I get my way.

Pretty much from here on in, I am getting less optimistic as every minute passes... I would have thought he'd have made a decision by now.

Bah!

In nailing down the final details in the night out with old school friends, one of them has pulled out. That's not a bad thing - the person who pulled out is the girl that I don't particularly like and feign friendship for the good of the group really (though there are some who do know that I am not her biggest fan).

What has happened is that ten minutes after this girl has said she's not coming is that E3 has also cried off. E3 and this other girl are really close friends and I honestly can't remember the last time I saw E3 out without her mate.

While I have no conclusive proof beyond knowing E3 and it is an assumption, it saddens me that people feel they cannot come out socially without certain parties also being in attendance.

While I've turned E3 down in the past when she came on to me, she's my friend and we always got along really well and I was looking forward to seeing her, doubly so when I found out her annoying friend wasn't coming along. Bearing in mind what happened a few weeks ago when I met them in the pub, there was a ego boosting element to it as well.

Feeling down.

Still nothing from either S or GM, though it has only been about 24 hours for GM, but we're only 48 hours away from when we should be settled in the pub. S is less of an issue - I wasn't expecting him to go along with my plans and he's in severe danger of getting left behind as he won't let go of his life. I don't think I phrased that well... he has his life that has a very definite routine and he refuses to break that routine. Cards with his mates on a Friday, out to the same club every week on a Saturday. Any request to do something different is always met with the same result - "I can't... I've got cards/clubbing/whatever with my mates".

It's been the cause of at least one breakup and I know that a few budding romances have ended abruptly because his friends remain his priority. I'm not suggesting he has to dump his friends, but he needs to realise that sometimes, breaking routine at the weekend is a good, positive thing.

It's the GM thing that's getting to me though. As I mentioned earlier, I only really ask for favours when it's important to me, so GB earlier in the year with CB/MFF, DSC at the end of June about a shopping trip and now GM for New Year's Eve are the main ones I can think of, and I've been let down each time. It's not even the fact he won't come out on NYE... it's the fact that an email and a text message have not had replies, specifically when I've said that going out was important to me. That's made me feel extremely lonely and let down at a time where I feel quite lonely anyway.

Certainly GB hasn't done anything that deserves my friendship this year and come 2014, I'll  not be involving her in any plans and DSC has also been jettisoned. I'm a very generous person with my time, but I won't stand for one-sided friendships where I'm doing all the work. It's not even anger here... just crushing disappointment.

The one person that's not let me down, when it comes to the important things, is KfW2. There's still a small chance that she might come out on New Year's Eve, but contact has been infrequent over the holiday period for some reason.

But the lack of contact from S and GM has reminded me about how lonely I'm feeling this year and while I do have a backup plan in that I can go to my sister's, I'd far rather spend the time out in public, with friends.

Hello!

In order to cheer myself up, I've been watching a lot of Community this afternoon that stars the absolutely delightful Alison Brie.

The countdown to NYE starts here...

The second night with FP was a bigger success than the first. We settled in one of my favourite bars - my planned venue for NYE - and just chatted. As happens sometimes, things just clicked and through a combination of good fortune at our table position and general mood, we ended up chatting away to quite a few people over the course of the night.

I've had nights like this before, but usually with GM. It's the kind of night that I wish would happen more often, but doesn't.

Off the back of a reminder from USHW, I messaged GM last night about New Year's Eve plans, but I haven't heard anything back. Given that he didn't reply to my original email, I can only assume this is a bad sign... and slightly disappointing as he's usually more reliable at being in contact and I would have thought that my admission that I needed a good NYE for personal reasons/having a shit year would have implied that it was important to me.

I think that's the most disappointing thing - I don't ask people for very much in my opinion, but when I do, it seems that I've been let down this year. So far this year, DSC and GB... and now potentially GM too.

More, more more!

The night with FP was so successful that we're talking about doing it again tonight. We did a mini crawl around some new bars in the city's trendier areas. As a side bonus, I bumped into FA1 and a couple of her friends. FP was appreciative of FA1, so I told him about my attempts to try and pull her before realising that I was well and truly just a friend (and that she had just started a new relationship with her now husband).

I was planning on going into the city to do some shopping, but the poor weather is putting me off, so I'll probably just lounge in front of the TV this afternoon. I definitely want to get out and do some clothes shopping though.

I'll probably get in touch with GM as well later today and see if he's even remotely interested in heading out on New Year's Eve. If so, I'll steer the plans toward my preferred option, but I'd be happy just to get him out.

Funktastic Xmas.

So, the official part of the holiday season has been and gone. I spent a few days at my sister's place, running around after nephews and nieces, eating, drinking and doing all the usual Christmas stuff and it was really rather enjoyable, if tiring.

However, I was slightly distracted for the three or four days that I was there. I can't pin it to anything specific bar a vague sense of loneliness, but I think it's probably a good bet that it was my funk and the upcoming New Year celebrations.

As I've posted about repeatedly here, Christmas is the time where I feel the singledom thing the most... given that I've been funked by it for most of the year, having a particularly bad holiday season isn't that surprising, especially when my attempts to mitigate it are so far proving to be less than successful.

To get back to the funk though, in my entire dating life, I've only ever been in a relationship over the holiday season with one person - FA2 - and even then, we weren't together during either of the two Christmases during our relationship as she chose to spend it with her family. To clarify, I'm not begrudging her going home for a day or so, but both years she was away for over a week. Not just home, which is about an hour's car journey... but Transatlantic to visit distant relatives. There was never any discussion about it either, just an announcement, but she knew I would have preferred her to stay over Xmas.

I've already told S what my NYE plans are and explained that I'm trying to talk GM into it as well. I'm still hoping that KfW2 will come out as well. Ideally, I'd love for her to confirm regardless, then anyone else who comes out is a bonus.

I'm out tonight with FP and I've another night out already lined up with M, E3, BR and a few others. I'm looking forward to it, but my focus is still on New Year's Eve rather than anything else.

Meh.

On top of this year's funk arriving later than usual, I also think it's worse than usual as well. Part of that is the lack of social options during the Xmas holidays, which has distracted me from other aspects, hence the funk arriving late. However, the relationship stuff is worse than ever this year. Part of that was off the back of a few comments that KfW2 made recently - nothing earth shattering or newsworthy - but really a sign that, as a friend, she knows and understands me.

That kicked off the desire to want to have someone close to me, who understands me. I do have KfW2 and USHW - they're friends who listen and understand me, but I want more. Whilst cleaning out my email account last night, I came across an email I sent to USHW at the start of the year, just after seeing CB in the pub, and that hasn't helped matters, reminding me about CB as well as dredge up the anger and frustration at GB's uselessness and being reminded of how positively and optimistically the year began.

For the first time since my nephews and nieces were born, I'm not really looking forward to Christmas and it's been a long while since I've been this deflated.

Here we go...

It's later than usual, but my Christmas funk has finally arrived. It's the lack of social options between Christmas and New Year that's the biggest influence this year, I think... that's on top of my now annual "I don't like being single at Christmas" funk.

I made a bit of an effort to see what S is doing on New Year's Eve when we were in the pub last night, but while his plans are not set in stone right now and I could try and talk him into doing what I want, it's his mate who's a problem - uncompromising, selfish, argumentative and generally just a pain in the arse. S's other friends are all fine - nice people - but this one chap has the ability to ruin a night all on his own.

I'm going to have to see what happens... and I'm still trying to get GM on board as well.

Quelle surprise (Part 2)

Still nothing from GM regarding my suggestions about New Year's Eve, which is concerning, as once the Xmas holidays roll around contact will be minimal. I shared with KfW2 my disappointment in GB and her laziness (for that's exactly what it is), though KfW2 surprised me by saying that her decision to stay in wasn't set in stone.

I said that if there were plans, I'd keep her in the loop and that she could always use my place as a base - somewhere to crash or phone a taxi from. I'd love for her to come out, and said as much to her, but I appreciate that it would be difficult for her to get home.

However, I still need to make arrangements. I'm seeing S tomorrow night for a few drinks, so I might run my plans past him to see if I get any joy, though some of his friends are monumental twats.

Goals!

Part of my goals for next year and longer term is to save money. So, to start off, I've set up some automated jiggery pokery with my bank accounts to shift some money around at convenient times. That should at least get it started. I can revisit it in a few months and see if I can't increase the amounts a little to speed up the process.

This is in addition to my pension and an ISA I've currently investing in (that I have earmarked for other purposes).

I should have actually done this about nine months ago when I got a hefty pay rise in work, but I was too busy enjoying myself at the time. Better late than never.

Phew

Another year down, a week to go and all of my Christmas shopping is done. Well, the presents are bought. Still have food and booze shopping to do, but that can wait til the weekend.

Quelle surprise

I shouldn't be surprised really.

I was chatting to JB today about various things - some future goals, Christmas plans etc. when we got onto the subject of New Year's Eve. I was telling JB that I didn't want any risk this year and outlined my preferences which were essentially the same plans as last year, though hopefully with more people and that I was planning on contacting GB and GM.

She was quite positive - it's not a bad night out, even on New Year's Eve, but there was a reason that I was planning on sending an email to GM and GB this early and that was that neither of them are particularly reliable.

So, after chatting to JB, I wrote the email this afternoon, explaining what I wanted to do this year and why I wanted to do it. I don't think I was unreasonable... in fact, given the circumstances, it's the sort of thing any good friend would get on board with.

It took 3 minutes for GB to reply. "I'm having a quiet one this year and going round to my friend's house" is what she said.

"That bar is too far away from my house and really, the entire evening will be too much trouble for me" is what she actually meant.

I've yet to hear from GM, so the night can still be rescued, but I think that's the final nail in the coffin of my friendship with GB.

It might not have been a surprise, but it's left me pretty deflated.

Surprise!

Yesterday saw a somewhat spontaneous, drunken afternoon out at the pub with KfW2. From the texts that were swapped, it looked like she would be on her own, but she turned up with her husband. It's not a huge disappointment - we get along well and I really like him, but I was hoping that I could start the ball rolling on the online dating thing.

We did have a brief chat about women - specifically, she had said that I don't talk a lot about women and she'd never heard me say anything about pulling people. I don't - often because there's nothing to say... but since I've known her, I guess there have been about half a dozen female-related "stories" - Near Miss, the 26 year old one night stand, the South African girl I had sitting on my lap within seconds, E3, CB and one or two others. She knows bits and pieces of some stories (CB, E3), but nothing at all of others.

I'd said to USHW a few days ago that the frustration from this year had, as she had predicted, gotten the better of me. I'm not expecting big things from it, but I guess a few months with an account on Match.com and PoF will either get me a few dates or it will be a monumental disaster. Either way, I'll be being pro-active and that's a start.

Online dating isn't the only thing to pursue, but it's the only thing I really want to do on my own (can do on my own). Other things, like singles nights or speed dating, would be more fun with someone else coming along - GM or S, for example.

Sigh. Yawn. Shiver.

I'm in a bit of a funk at the moment. Part of it is a comedown from the rather excellent works party last night (I even danced with a cute stranger and more shenanigans with CH), part of it is that I'm not feeling great - an illness rather than a hangover - and the final part is just my general funk that I get about this time of year. Plus I'm tired. I'm not sleeping well this week, but can't identify why.

I don't like the lead up to Xmas - it's too much stress and work for little reward in my opinion - and, of course, I have the being single at Xmas thing going on too.

As you may have guessed or read in previous posts, this hasn't been a good year for myself and one or two people close to me (for numerous reasons). I'm looking forward to sending the year on its way and welcoming in 2014, hopefully as fortunate and positive as 2013 started, albeit with better results. Until then, though, I am very tired, mentally. I kinda need something really positive to happen.

I meant to talk to GB about our New Year's Eve plans today, but she wasn't in the office. I don't want repeats of the past few years, so I'm hoping that my plan is readily accepted without having to force the issue or even tug at the heartstrings of GB and/or GM.

We'll see...

FFS.

As part of my dad's birthday celebrations, we were due to be heading to my parents' house later this afternoon. I was tasked with getting some beers in on top of having to buy a birthday present for him.

The beer task was taken care of earlier in the week and was sitting in the kitchen ready and waiting for me to leave the house... until I woke up this morning and found that not only has MfW actually opened the crate of beer, he's taken a quarter of it already.

This is completely unacceptable. It's bad enough that he takes beers when I have already opened a crate, but to actually open the crate itself goes way beyond that.

It's not the first time it's happened either - about 18 months ago he and UF did exactly the same thing the night before Father's Day, then rather than go out and replace the beer, they randomly left roughly the price of the beer sitting on a table. They never told me that's what it was for, so I spent four days wondering why someone had left ten pounds-ish in coins lying around the house.

Subsequently, MfW has been helping himself to my beers, albeit opened ones. I don't mind the odd one - when you live with other people, there's a bit of give and take if you run out of essentials - "borrowing" a slice of bread, taking a splash of milk if you've run out. There are three things you shouldn't do though:

1. Open someone else's stuff
2. Use the last of their stuff
3. Don't take the piss about how much you take regardless

I don't remember MfW breaking #2, but he's guilty of #1 and #3.

I told UF, when he finally admitted to it, that it was completely out of order, that I had plans for the beer and to open a crate without permission was something that I wasn't at all happy about. Now I am going to have to have that same conversation with MfW.

Knowing MfW, he won't recognise these three unwritten "rules of life" that I reckon must be pretty standard - at the very least, they're simply good manners.

*squeeze*

I was out with FBS, D and a couple of other friends recently. I've mentioned that I'd always thought that things were a bit strained with FBS for many years because of a misunderstanding. Well, specifically that she wanted more than what was purely a physical relationship. We drifted apart after that, but we kept seeing each other because we worked in the same department and we had mutual friends and did a lot of socialising together.

Over the past few years things seem to have thawed, though part of me wonders if there was ever an issue from her end. Regardless, the last couple of times we've been out, it's been really nice just chatting with her. When we were out for a smoke, just the two of us, conversation flowed smoothly when before it had been a little forced. That culminated in FBS telling me that my hugs were weird and then spent a few minutes telling me how to improve my hugging technique, complete with more hugs and feedback. This wasn't even that late - in fact it was quite early.

We went back inside where I bumped into QC2 and her husband. I sat with them for 10 minutes catching up with them and swapping gossip before returning to the table.

After an hour or so, D got it into his head that I shouldn't be single. Obviously it was the drink talking - it's quite unusual for this group of friends to get into personal stuff like that on our nights out. We had some banter around that and a bit of a perv at the women in the bar, all of whom seemed to be dressed up for the Oscars.

Not long after, D and FBS went for a smoke... when they returned, they announced that they were leaving. That prompted another couple of lingering hugs from FBS. I don't know if there's never anything untoward with FBS like there seems to have been recently with, for example, E3 or CH, but the hugs were maybe too frequent and a little too long. That has happened before, but I don't know if I'm just reading too much into it.

Not that I'm complaining. I love a good hug.

Well, hello!

I bumped into E3 and another school friend in the pub last night. I ended up staying and chatting with them. E3 was, once again, very affectionate. There were a few prolonged kisses, lots of back stroking etc. This wasn't unexpected - E3 has always been very affectionate towards me, but after she threw herself at me a few years ago, she's increased that. It's not inappropriate, but it is noticeable.

My ego likes it, even though I've turned her down in the past - E3 is a very attractive woman. However, you can imagine my surprise when I was introduced to "her new man". While I was talking to E3's friend (who I don't like very much), I even overheard E3 tell her new man about the night she did throw herself at me. Weird. Also, I was rather drunk last night, but I seem to recall asking E3's friend if she approved of the new man and got surprised by her less-than-positive answer.

That'll be worth keeping an eye on!

FA2: The story as it began... and how it ended.

OK, so, where to begin? I've spoken about FA2 before, but I am not sure I ever told the entire story. I started writing this post ages ago, in order to try and sort out the details in my mind because KfW2 was asking about her/us.

I only met her after she'd been introduced to me by BW. This was a few years before anything happened and while I'd been invited to parties hosted by her, I'd never gone. She started coming out more, socially, with BW. She had separated from her husband for, let's just say, reasons that are not the usual ones. She'd been interested in me for a while, I think, though obviously hadn't done anything because she was married. She'd not actually said so much after we hooked up, but I think it was obvious and I'm fucking clueless with women, so if I noticed, it must have been obvious.

However, the night we first hooked up, I was actually trying it on with FA1 and only pulled back from that because she had recently started dating the bloke who would eventually become her husband. Go figure!

Anyway... after a shaky start for a couple of months (which involved the odd hook-up and me being generally clueless), we dated for well over two years. Well, I say "dated", but in this day and age, Facebook would decree that we were "in a relationship". All the while, FA2 had some issues. For a start, her parents never, ever shut up about grandkids. Never. Every single conversation that FA2 had with her mother had mentioned kids. This is not an exaggeration. Whether by accident or design, serious conversations with FA2 had a tempo which was decided by the ticking of her biological clock.

Don't get me wrong. I was in love with FA2, but my own circumstances meant that I wasn't in a position to talk about the things she wanted to talk about for another few years. I could have, but ultimately I think it would have been pointless trying to make those kinds of plans for four years in the future.

In addition, she was in the middle of a divorce. It wasn't the world's messiest one, but it still screwed with her head.

It got to a point where FA2 would have a mini-breakdown every five or six weeks or so. It was never anything obvious and only something that I would notice, given that we were practically living together by this stage. So much so that after a few months of this, I sat her down and gave her a good talking to.

We decided, after a lot of talking, that she needed a break - a complete break - from her family, from the divorce, from, well, everything really. I suggested travel - head away somewhere for a few months, take a mini-career break and just clear her head and enjoy herself, put the stresses of her divorce, her family and stuff behind her and gain perspective.

And she did. She handed in her notice at work, made all the arrangements and took herself off, though while I had made the suggestion with a 3 - 6 month trip in mind, she quit her job totally and made plans for 12 months. She had no ideas of her own, though... it was me who suggested where to go, what she might do/accomplish etc. Somewhat naively I distanced myself a little from her. Part of her going away was to get her head together and us trying to maintain a relationship from over 5000 miles away could have gotten in the way of that, in my opinion, and I thought, hers.

Ultimately, that's probably where it all fell apart. I maintained contact, friendly, but not overly emotional which was less a deliberate decision and more about who I was at the time. She'd been gone a few months when Xmas rolled round. We had a few telephone conversations and had planned lots of IRC/MSN chat as a cheaper option, except she couldn't get internet access.

She'd been hinting that I would go out and visit her and while she was somewhere I very much wanted to go (remember, I had made all the suggestions, so in essence, she was living my plans), I simply didn't have the time or money. I tried to explain, but she either didn't understand or believe me, I guess.

A few months after that was when she met someone else and entered into another relationship. I didn't know this at the time... it was many, many months after that before she decided to tell me. In fact, it was only when she let me know that she wasn't returning home as planned and was staying where she was that this all came out. That was a car crash of a few months for me.

So, in a few (very expensive) phone calls, I tried to get to the bottom of what was going on. She said that she'd come to the conclusion that we were over as a couple because of two things: a throwaway email I’d sent that she misinterpreted and the non-arrival of a card to celebrate our anniversary.

Rather than ask outright, she chose to make an assumption. The story didn't really add up to me, though. The email thing and the card thing happened months apart and it's not as if everything suddenly happened at once. But, we talked through it over a week or so and snatched phone calls when finances and time differences allowed. Then she dropped the bombshell... she was coming home soon, but not permanently... just for a holiday, then she would return and start seeing about emigrating.

It was a rough plan that she'd only started thinking about, she said, but my reaction to her news had given her something to think about, and we'd sit down and talk about it when she came home. That was eight weeks from that phone call.

The next eight weeks were tough for me. I had a lot going on in my life at that point anyway, and I really didn't need the distraction. A week before she was due to come home, I tried to make arrangements. I took some time out the day we were due to meet so that we could spend an entire afternoon talking, if needed. She refused and said that an evening would be enough, but she agreed to meet early in the evening, to give us a good few hours talking before we were due to meet friends, including AM and QC1.

So, we went out for food, and we talked. We talked a lot. Then we left and went to a quiet bar to continue the chat. On the way up the road, she took my hand. She looked at me and told me softly that I still hadn't said "it". "It" was "I love you". It had been a bugbear of hers before she'd originally left and she'd always maintained that I'd never said it to her. I had, though. Admittedly, too little, too infrequently and started too long into the relationship, but it was said... and it was true.

However, she meant that I hadn't said it that night. I told her outright while I still did, I still had my concerns that the conversation that we were having was all for nothing, that her desire to emigrate meant that it didn't matter what had or hadn't happened between us, that was what was important to her. I told her that it was my opinion that she wasn't about to completely change whatever plans she'd had simply because I did or didn't say three words and that despite her protests, I'd said them to her before. Then she kissed me. Passionately.

We continued the conversation, slowly but surely covering ground that we should have done over the previous year until AM and QC1 arrived. FA2 was always very fond of AM and QC1, so they unsurprisingly disappeared for a girly chat. Part of it was a catching-up exercise, but part of it was talking about me. AM grabbed me later that night and told me that whatever it was I'd said to her, it was the right thing and that she was very confused. She still loved me and her initial reason for meeting with me that night was simply to get closure and hopefully give me some... but old feelings had resurfaced and, in FA2's eyes, she'd seen how much I'd grown as a person in the time she was gone.

And it was true, I had... I had become a more confident person at the very least. AM and QC2 stayed for a while, then invented excuses to leave and let FA2 and myself continue/complete our conversation. I bought some more drinks and then told FA2 the three words she wanted to hear. She kissed me again. When the bars closed in the early hours of the morning, we went back to mine and sat drinking vodka and talking some more. By this time, the serious conversation was pretty much over, we'd both said what we wanted to say. FA2 needed some time to think things over. She was due to stay in the UK for a couple of weeks, visiting family etc. so it was my assumption that this would be ample time.

We were sat on the sofa, at 4AM, watching a video of mine... probably something sci-fi. FA2 snuggled up to me "because she was cold", which lasted about two minutes before she started kissing me again... except this time it went beyond that. Before it got to actual intercourse but was long after we were both naked, she stopped suddenly. She can't do it, she said, it would be unfair.

Unfair to whom? I didn't ask. I think I knew. We dressed in silence, she kissed me again, told me she'd be in touch and left. She went AWOL for the next two weeks and I phoned her a few days after she left the country again. She was apologetic. What came next was no surprise... when she left me, she returned home. It was true that I had really given her something to think about, but ultimately, she was starting to get into the relationship with a new bloke (the two AWOL weeks were her visiting/being introduced to his family)  and the emigration thing was very important to her. I had certainly told her that I had assumed the emigration thing was big. We talked for a while, and then I wished her good luck. I was devastated. A few days later, QC2 called and offered to take me out, and although we'd been friends for years, I think this really brought us together, which is at least one positive.

It's not the last time we spoke nor is it the last time we actually met. I did eventually find, a few years later, the time and money to do the things I wanted to do, and when I was in FA2's new neck of the woods, I got in touch. I met the other bloke, who seemed nice enough, but in the few weeks we shared a city and went out a few times for dinner and drinks, I found out that things weren't exactly what I had been told.

For starters, this bloke had been pursuing FA2 pretty much as soon as she turned up to the hostel, literally days after leaving me. That, before the misunderstood email, they were sleeping together (or it was around that time) and that before our anniversary came round (so before anything had a chance to arrive), they were moving in together. That before FA2 called me to tell me she wasn't coming home, they'd already started the emigration process and were making significant financial commitments together – buying a car together, for example. There were a few other things said that simply didn't add up to what I had been told.

It was around that time that I decided to give up on FA2. There wasn't any real anger, just tiredness about it all. It had just confirmed some logic/gut feelings I'd had at the time. I don't think FA2 considers it to be cheating, I think in her head, she’s rationalised it all. She might even believe the stories/timeline she told me. But FA2 was someone I believed would never cheat on ANY partner, not just me and it's always saddened me how a relationship that had lasted nearly three years (when she left the country... I guess you could add a further nine months to that if you want to count the total amount of time I thought I was in a relationship).

And in the year she had been gone, I had turned down other women. FBS was practically putting it on a plate on the night of her own leaving do, for example.

Since then, contact has been brief, irregular and usually instigated by FA2 when she wants something. Any time I'd tried to have a conversation with her (my excitement at the potential with RB was a prime example), she simply wasn't interested. It was all small-talk as a prelude to asking for a favour.

Hmmm...

It's been three months-ish since this night, swapping texts with CH. Tonight, she's out again in my home city and I have been half-expecting a repeat of that night off the back of one or two comments made (by her) that have led to one or two assumptions (by me).

The cutoff point I had in my head was half past eight for going out to the pub IF she had gotten in contact. Right about now, in fact. I'm kinda surprised that, barring a few swapped texts this afternoon, she's not been in touch at all.

That's probably a good, if frustrating, thing. She's good fun and even more so when she's drunk and I'm not going to lie... I like the drunken flirting thing we've got going on.

Looks like it's me and Jenni Lee later on.

Here we go again...

On a recent lunch date with KfW2, she once again mentioned online dating. Rather than completely rule it out, I said I'd revisit the idea after Xmas. There's no point in doing anything before Xmas - everyone is busy - the caveat being that you don't meet someone on a night out and click. But starting an online dating profile now? Nah. I'm busy enough as it is. I also said that if I did revisit the idea, then I expected her to be there if it goes wrong.

But we did cover some ground that we've never really discussed before - the fact that I might not meet as many people as I should because I don't have any "wingmen". Offhand, only really GM or FP can really fill that role. USHW has already expressed surprise that neither GM nor GB stepped up when I set eyes on CB.

These are subjects that I've covered with USHW before, but I think they need raised with KfW2 and anyone else who's interested in my relationship status - especially anyone who's liable to be out and about with me in a social context.

Come the new year, if KfW2 is serious about getting me into online dating, then I forsee a more frank discussion on the subjects of women and dating, but having conversations earlier than that can't do any harm. The problem is that I can't keep conversation on track, and what might begin as a chat on a specific subject, can often veer wildly onto completely different topics.