Wonderful?

Do you know who randomly popped into my head this afternoon for seemingly no reason? Sports Girl. I don't know why. I'm still her friend on Facebook, though I've not seen her post in ages. Last I heard, she was living in Spain with a guy, as a scuba instructor or something like that - a far cry from her days as an engineer.

Do I miss her? It's difficult to say. She "disappeared" long before she left the country when she started dating GM, and was at least self-aware enough to keep her distance when they split up despite being friends with The Crowd.

I daresay that if I re-read the lengthy conversations I had with USHW about her would bring back some frustrations around her flakiness and going non-contact for no reason. And a different kind of frustration from that two month period where I was trying to bed her. She did look amazing in that Wonder Woman costume though.

Dance the night away

I've booked my tickets for the gig at Xmas, with my favourite band at CB Pub. My sister and brother-in-law are going, too. While no-one else has said anything, I'd be very surprised if there weren't others there - AM, QC1 in all likelihood. I suspect M could show his face if I told him about it.

There's an outside chance that Quiet Girl might show up too if I let her know. She seemed to be quite impressed by the band at the end of June .

Even if no-one else shows up, I'm already looking forward to it. 

Grrr...

Adulting fucking sucks. I'm dealing with more family stuff - financial this time. And it always feels like there's more trouble than it worth. Like I can't just pick up a phone or send an email and get it sorted. There's paper work, applications... stuff that just rears its head for seemingly no reason.

And I think that's bleeding into some stuff that I want to do for me, to the house, and up until now I've been quite excited about getting the work done despite the fact it's going to decimate my savings, but now I'm suddenly anxious about it.

Sigh. 

Bah (cont'd)

Brother-in-law just messaged. He's literally waiting for the bus into town. I've just started cooking tea. Even if I were inclined to join them, I'm probably 2 hours from leaving the house. If he'd messaged an hour ago, I'd have cooked earlier or grabbed something in town.

Why is it so hard for people to communicate? 

Bah.

My brother-in-law sent a message at lunchtime. Did I want to go to the festival? I mentioned it in my last post. It's a music festival across the entire city centre. Facebook has been full of people having fun. But it's not really my thing. At least the music genre isn't really my thing.

I replied back and asked when they were thinking of going, I suggested that I'd probably go, but as it wasn't really my thing, I'd probably not hang around for long. I'd show my face, soak up some of the (supposedly excellent) atmosphere and then head back home once I'd had enough. And I reckon I'd probably not last 90 minutes, but it's the kind of thing that probably worth experiencing, right?

But that was hours ago. 

As I said, I'm not massively bothered about going, but still... I asked a direct question. Are they already there? When he said "later" did he mean this evening rather than the afternoon? I definitely got "afternoon" vibes from the message.

This is typical of my sister and brother-in-law. Communication is woeful. 

Chores.

I was going to cut the grass today - I've not touched it in about a month, and the weather forecast suggested it would be dry. but the weather forecast is wrong. It's been raining all morning, so that's scuppered that plan.

I also had a chore that I wanted to do in the city centre, but there's a massive festival going on, and it's going to be really crowded. I might wait until Monday morning, take some time off work and get it done then. It does need done though, so I can't hang about.

Urgh. FFS.

More poor quality sleep and a dream that felt more like a memory than anything else... purely because a lot of the dream did take place. It involved FBS and I having a slot of sex. And that was pretty much the dream.

In real life, we'd been to the pub, she'd asked me back to hers afterwards, we'd kissed on the sofa which escalated, she asked me to stay, I agreed, we went to bed, fucked, fell asleep and spent most of the next day in bed going through another couple of rounds. Late afternoon, I eventually left to go home, shower and change before heading out to the pub again. 

And that was pretty much the dream, except we were a lot more adventurous in the dream than we had been in real life.

Going back to the real life aspect of my memory/dream, we might have repeated the same feat that second evening, too. There was definitely a weekend where we did just have sex and go to the bar, but whether that's the night of this dream, I can't say. And because it was the middle of Winter - mid-January, I think - I don't think I saw daylight for nearly three days.

So not only am I still exhausted after nearly a week of rotten quality sleep, I'm now uncontrollably horny, too.  

Date for your Diary.

The poor quality sleep continues, as does the remembered dreams. This time, there's a festival in my hometown. I'm out with friends, enjoying the vibe and who sits beside us in the bar? Anna Kendrick. Obviously, I have a huge crush on her, so I'm chatting away, making small talk and it looks like she's actually enjoying herself and our company.

Then this faceless, unidentified, guy comes over and tries to butt into out conversation. I'm annoyed, but AK is trying to be nice, but this isn't working in getting the guy to leave.

And that's kinda the tone for the entire dream. I'm chatting with AK, we move from bar to bar, enjoying the festival, trying to get a feel for what she might say if I ask her on a date and the same, faceless guy keeps appearing to ruin the vibe we have, presumably by trying to get AK on a date. 

The dream ends when I wake up without any resolution. I don't have my date with AK, but neither does the random guy.

Wow.

As part of our work things, we often get in a private casino. We "gamble" using fake money, but it's usually good fun. I've posted before about one of the women who shows up to work at these events - our paths have crossed elsewhere. She's attractive and has a great smile.

Well, there's a piece in yesterday's LA Times about Susanna Hoffs of The Bangles fame, and stone me if the cover photo of the piece doesn't give off huge vibes of the casino girl. 

Dreamy

Two different dreams to report from last night. The first involved travel to Canada, but the details are now vague. I don't think it featured anyone I know or any celebrities nor can I remember any specific scene... just that it involved travel to rural Canada.

I woke up in the middle of the night, so that was it for that particular dream.

The second dream is again quite vague, but it featured some kind of underground community - think Zion in the Matrix films.  Like the first dream, I don't think it featured anyone specific, though some people might have been mashups of people I know. I'm pretty sure one unidentified person was a mashup of KfW2 and CB - I came out of it with a sense of familiarity rather than being able to identify specific people.

But two different dreams and more than a little weird. 

Talky.

KfW2 has been chatty today... at least via text message. That's weird for two reasons: firstly, she's been difficult to contact recently and getting a response from one text message is usually considered a bit of a result. Secondly, she's back at work today after over three weeks off. She gets super-focused when she's at work and doesn't usually reply to messages until after she's clocked off, but I must have gotten half a dozen messages today.

Wind down.

I only left the house to go to the cinema, so it's not like I can claim that I've done hours of chores, but that little thing alone has made me feel like I've accomplished something today.

And that's the last thing, socially, that I have on my radar for the foreseeable future. July was decent: work event, out with AM, out with G, a week off work, dog-sitting and a gig with AM and Quiet Girl (technically June, but it kinda fits this time period to count it as July).

KfW2 was in contact late on Friday night, claiming that she's on a detox, having been drunk for the past three weeks while she was on holiday. So that potentially means that her offer to take me out won't be any time soon, which is disappointing.

Urgh.

I'm feeling really lethargic today, which is not surprising seeing as yesterday was our work's summer party and I wasn't exactly sober. It was a good night, as predicted. There were about 9 in our group with a few people coming and going throughout the evening.

As tends to be the tradition these days, we finished the night in CB Pub, at Quiet Girl's insistence. Not that I put up a fight, mind you.

And an interesting finish to the night where Quiet Girl's friend got a bit tactile in the taxi - not crossing any lines - just tactile. She hasn't said anything, and beyond that first night that I only semi-remember, she's never done anything in our subsequent meetings.

But I am really lacking any kind of motivation today. 

Things that make you go "hmmm"...

Hot on the heels of my sex dream featuring CC a few days back, I had another one last night. This time it featured KfW2. Maybe calling it a sex dream is a bit much, but it did involve KfW2 and I being in a relationship. Sex wasn't the focus of the dream, though there were scenes where we were in bed, naked, and sex was implied. The focus was KfW2 trying to get me to open up, to communicate and to vocalise my feelings for her.

However, no matter how many times I told her that I loved her, she couldn't hear it or refused to acknowledge that I'd said the words. 

While CC's appearance in a sex dream was bemusing, KfW2's appearance is causing a little more confusion. I know that sex dreams aren't literal, but that still doesn't stop me from being concerned about KfW2's appearance in last night's dream.

In real life, KfW2 has made a couple of comments about the fact I've not told her that I love her as much as she thinks I should. Maybe it's just me, but while I have said it to her and meant it, telling someone else's wife that I love them on a regular basis, even platonically, doesn't sit right with me.

My friendship with KfW2 is very special to me, it's extremely important to me and I know that it's not something that's common: a single guy being close to a married woman. I know people have raised eyebrows that we've gone to the pub and gotten drunk together or that I've stayed overnight at her house while her husband was away. I'm not even talking about strangers who barely know us but people who've met us both, like CH, for example. 

I know CH was always intrigued by my friendship with KfW2, specifically that it was very much a two-way friendship and that KfW2 was as much a driver for us doing dinner and drinks as I was. This was obviously in stark contrast to my friendship with CH. My brother-in-law was surprised when I'd said that I'd been at KfW2's one evening for drinks while her husband was out with his friends, and he didn't return home until lunchtime the next day. 

So, yeah, I love that KfW2 wants me to tell her that I love her even if it doesn't always sit right with me, because it reminds me that she cares.

But really, the events in the dream better mirror my relationship with FA2. We weren't great communicators, though FA2 might argue that she was (she wasn't). I didn't vocalise my feelings towards her as often as she wanted, though from my perspective, I always thought my actions should have said enough. She needed to hear the words though. And one aspect of the dream rang true: I did say the words. She claims I never did.

It's safe to say that I'm a little confused this morning, the dream has thrown me a little, and I miss KfW2. 

Weather or not.

I'm looking forward to the work summer party this coming Friday, though with half an eye on the weather forecast, it's potentially going to be a damp affair. We've formed a fairly decent core group of people who usually attend these things with Stalky Guy and Quiet Girl and myself, plus associated colleagues.

Last year, we sat outside and stayed well after everyone else went home. Whether that happens this time is another matter, and the weather will be a factor in that. In previous years, we've adjourned to CB Pub afterwards, which is kinda central to everyone.

I do pride myself in being able to bring everyone together, and everyone genuinely tends to get along, which is always a bonus. 

WTF?

I had a dream last night where CC and I went on a city break somewhere. Nothing out of the ordinary in that. CC features in dreams occasionally, travel features in dreams quite often. What doesn't feature in dreams or thoughts in general is me and CC having sex.

But that was a large part of last night's dream.

CC is attractive. Physically, she ticks boxes: brunette, tall, great figure. But I don't think I've ever thought about her from a sexual perspective. Her personality always deflects from her obvious physical characteristics. Maybe a dream before? But never an actual conscious thought. Not that it concerns me... I'm a little bemused by it.

But last night's dream has given me though about travelling. 

And it was.

It was a decent night, last night. QC1 didn't show up, but she had been in contact with AM outside of the WhatsApp group.

I arrived on-time, got a beer and found some seats. Twenty minutes later, Mr AM walked in. 

"We're in the other bar"

CB Pub has like three different bars, and AM favours the one with no atmosphere, no natural light, is quite dark and is, IMO, very... oppressive?

So, yeah, they arrive later, instantly go to that bar then come looking for me. I don't think I blogged about it, but I was pretty sure this was going to happen.

Regardless, minor frustration aside, it was a decent night, catching up with AM and Mr AM. Another couple arrived  - the couple who said they were clearing out their kitchen.

But it's not something I'm inclined to do again soon.

We did talk about the useless WhatsApp group. I did say to AM that I was considering leaving it, which she was surprised about. My complaint about people not having the decency to reply to a question fell on deaf ears even though AM herself has been vocal about arranging things. The QC1 thing is a case in point. If I were relying on the WhatsApp chat, I could easily have been doing something else last evening.

"I was never not coming out," said AM.

"You suggested rescheduling in the group on Tuesday!"

"Yeah, but..." AM trailed off. 

I did try and catch the eye of an attractive blonde woman who was with a couple of friends, but AM's choice of bar was against me - not only is it dark and oppressive - it's not really a bar for mingling in the way the other bars would be.

She was really cute, though, in an Elizabeth Banks kinda way. 

Get on down.

While out at CB Pub last night, I saw a poster for my favourite local band. They're playing CB Pub a few days before Christmas. It's a Wednesday night, but I'll likely be off work anyway, so a few beers and some great music would be very welcome.

I think it might be stress free this year, too. I think we (the adults in the family) have agreed to only buy the kids, so no stress about buying presents as the kids will just want money.

Cooking up a storm.

Years ago, in the early stages of dating FA2, she decided to move house. That prompted two things: firstly, an unspoken agreement that we had to "christen" every room in her house and secondly, and most obvious, that she needed to do a clear out and pack.

As part of the clear out piece, we were doing her kitchen and I marvelled at how much foodstuff in her cupboards was out of date - mainly cooking ingredients like spices etc. I'm pretty sure I scoffed at her for having things that were ten years old in her cupboard.

Well, luckily no-one was around when I binned off a lot of stuff earlier today. Like FA2, a lot of spices etc. but also a lot of dried foods: rice, lentils etc. and cooking kits.

Hopefully, though, once the next few phases of house upgrades are complete, I'll have a better kitchen that will allow me to do more cooking. I do enjoy cooking, I just don't have the space currently to get into it properly.

And, yes, we did christen every single room in her house... many times over as it turned out. 

Here we go?

I'm looking forward to seeing AM and Mr AM tonight. To the best of my knowledge, no-one else is showing up. At least, no-one's said anything in the group chat. It really wouldn't surprise me if QC1 and her husband showed up. That's typical of QC1. She'd only have said anything if she were unhappy with the arrangements.

the girl who started the WhatsApp chat has claimed that she's clearing her kitchen in anticipation of getting work done soon, so she can't attend. Guess who else has been cleaning and clearing their kitchen in anticipation of getting work done within the next few weeks? Yep, me. And yet I'm still organised enough to attend. After all, this isn't a last-minute thing. The date has been out there since the start of the month.  Anyone not replying to say they can/can't make it is just plain fucking rude.

Plans.

Remember a few weeks ago, I stated in this post that I had tentative plans in place with AM and her husband to do dinner and drinks? Well, a few days after that, AM posted in the Quiet WhatsApp Group about it. I was the only person to reply. It's now two weeks after that again, and the tentative date mentioned is this coming Saturday.

I skipped the Quiet Group and messaged AM directly: are we still doing Saturday?

No reply as yet.

Regardless of what happens on Saturday, I'm leaving the group on Sunday. What's the fucking point when people don't even have the decency to reply to a message/question about meeting up? It's not even me being ignored, but I'm still angry at their uselessness.

(As an aside, I fully expect QC1 to be in touch with AM directly and if we do go out on Saturday, I expect QC1 and her husband to show up.)

Work and Play

Quiet Girl pinged our group chat in work earlier. Were we still going to the work even at the end of next week? I replied saying that I was. No-one else has said anything as yet, but I'm looking forward to it. It's been good fin the past few years and I think our group will be a little bigger than last year.

It might be similar to the year before that, though, where we ended up in CB Pub and QG's friend might have made a suggestion about me calling her.

That was a great night, and if we get close to having a night that good, I'll be pleased.

I will say that my capacity for alcohol has greatly diminished over the past year or so. Even on Saturday out with G, I only had like 5 pints over 5 hours and I was definitely not sober. 

It's weird... I can drink a lot more in the house than I can in the pub. 

But something to look forward to nonetheless. 

Walky talky.

Nerdy Girl finally replied to my message from last week. We swapped a few messages and we're going to meet on Thursday for a walk. It's been ages since we last met - maybe the start of June? So it'll be nice to catch up. The weather's gotten a bit cooler, so it'll be easier to do a walk of a few miles compared to last week.

Suits you.

Shortly after posting my last post, G was in touch. He was in the city. I replied and told him I'd meet him in an hour. That would give me time to finish a couple of chores, get showered and get the bus into the city.

And so it was, pretty much exactly an hour later, that I rocked up in a local tourist bar to meet G, his wife and youngest son. And it was good fun. We parted ways around 7:30 PM after roughly five hours of conversation and banter. Despite only having 5 drinks was very tipsy and horrendously dehydrated.

That's been a feature of me drinking alcohol over the past month or so - it doesn't take a lot to get me drunk, I don't like being drunk (even more so than in the past - this feels like a different type of drunk) and I get dehydrated really easily.

And as a side note, I had a bit of a strut on. I wore some of my new clothes - a shirt and a pair of jeans - and I caught myself in the mirror before I left and I looked good. I can't remember the last time I thought I looked good to the point where I actually had a confidence boost - probably wearing a suit and getting compliments from KfW2/eye fucked by CH. 

The Emperor's Next Clothes. (cont'd)

So after all that nonsense from the past few days, I got a text message saying that the second, and final, clothes package was ready for collection.

It (the clothes) reminds me of a couple of conversations from years ago. The first was with QC2 and a couple of other female co-workers. I'd commented that I didn't like "ornate" clothes or clothes with ornate designs during a random conversation. Then, one day, when I turned up in a pink t-shirt, I was called out for being a hypocrite (not by QC2, but by the other girl). My argument was that bright colours did not fall under "ornate" designs.

I also had a conversation with F back in the day where she saw photos of me and was surprised that I was wearing colourful clothes. She'd gotten it into her head that I only wore black, for some reason. It was an assumption she couldn't really explain.

Regardless, I've got some really nice (colourful) clothes to wear for a fraction of the price they'd normally be. Result!

The Emperor's Next Clothes.

I order a bunch of stuff from the Next summer sale a few weeks back. It was meant to be have been delivered to the nearest store today, but I've just had a series of messages that are contradicting each other.

1. The order's not arrived at the store, but they're expecting it imminently. It's on its way and will arrive within a few days.
2. We're getting your order ready and we'll let you know when it's ready for collection. 
3. Your order has been delayed and we don't know what it will be delivered. You can cancel if you want.
4. We're getting your order ready and we'll let you know when it's ready for collection. 
5. We're getting your order ready and we'll let you know when it's ready for collection. 
6. Your order is ready for collection! 

Yup, that message came in twice (4 and 5). For two different portions of the order. I ordered like 5 things: an order of 3 and an order of 2. But now it looks like there's an order of 4 and an order of 1. And the order of 1 is now ready for collection, but the bulk of it is nowhere to be seen despite being ordered first.

Very confusing.

Just deliver my new clothes already.

Plans ahoy!

G was in touch late last night. We've tentatively arranged to do something tomorrow, but the timing is still to be confirmed. It could be afternoon, it could be evening. With the weather the way it is, I don't really care either way.

I think G is leaning more towards coming into the city centre, but I don't really mind. It's unlikely that he'll be alone. I know his youngest son and wife are also over, so they could well be in tow. I don't really know his kids, and I've only met his wife a few times. She's one of those who doesn't show her face too often.

But it should be a decent afternoon or evening out, regardless. 

Incommunicado

Not heard back from G, though I wasn't expecting anything today, to be honest. My assumption is that he'll get some family stuff out of the way, freeing up the rest of his time here. And if memory serves, he said he'd be here until Sunday.

What is slightly more concerning is the lack of contact from E and Nerdy Girl. E eventually replied to my birthday wishes with a message, which I've replied to. But that was over a week ago and she's said nothing since. And I sent Nerdy Girl a message a few days ago suggesting we meet next week for a walk, but she's strangely silent too. It's only been two days, but she's rarely, if ever, taken longer than 12 hours to reply to a message.

I sea you.

G's just been in touch. I might have gotten it slightly wrong about his trip over. I think, this time, his wife is also over, and they're staying in a seaside town only a few miles away. He's suggested getting a train into the city for drinks, but I've countered that with an offer to get the train to them, for drinks.

For starters, it'd be a nice change of scenery. Secondly, with the weather the way it is, the idea of outdoor pints looking across the sea from a nice pub has a real draw to it, don't you think?

I'm just waiting to hear back from G. 

Q?

Back in the day, when USHW and I used to have our conversations via email, we would often ask direct questions of each other. Sometimes they were personal in nature and sometimes they were just random nonsense, like:

"You wake up one Friday morning and found that you were in a bloke's body and you somehow knew that you'd transform back being to being female on Sunday night, what would you do for the weekend?"

But I had a dream last night. I can't remember the details beyond waking up this morning and thinking "That'd be a brilliant Q for USHW".

But, like the dream, it rapidly faded and by the time I'd had breakfast, brushed my teeth, gone for a walk and returned home, the details were gone.

Planning.

G's meant to be back home from Thursday to Sunday. given the weather, I'd rather hoped he'd be in touch to maybe plan something more substantial than an hour of dinner and a swift pint somewhere. Maybe take an afternoon somewhere between my house and his sister's house (where he stays when he's home).

I know of just the place, too. Or a couple of them, to be precise. One right on the coast,  one attached to a hotel but would be brilliant for an afternoon of pints.

Things to do.

AM sent a message into the previously-quiet WhatsApp chat. It effectively said the same thing that we'd agreed on a few weeks back: dinner and drinks at a restaurant I'd suggested. I've said that I'm available but no-one else has said anything so far.

That makes a busy enough month: brunch with CC yesterday, I'm assuming drinks with G next weekend and dinner with AM (and others) the weekend after that. On top of that, there are two work-related things potentially happening before the wend of the month: dinner and drinks with some current and ex-colleagues plus our annual work summer party at the end of the month with Quiet Girl, Stalky Guy and others.

Lots of socialising this month. It must be my busiest month, socially, in ages.

Hands on.

I can only remember some vague details about last night's dream, but it involved work. I started a new team and most of the people were new to me, except for two people: a guy I used to work with about ten years ago and QC3. Why QC3 popped up when I've not thought about her in years is a mystery, but appear she did.

While the work was my current job, the place where we were was an amalgamation of various offices I've worked in over the years. 

I was sitting on a bench and she walked through the door. She immediately saw me and came over to sit beside me. her opening sentence was something about owing me money and that she had the money to replay me for video games and trips we'd taken. She was also getting very handsy, suggesting something physical, though the dream ended before anything like that happened.

It must be the warm weather because my dreams have been very random recently. 

Brunch to Lunch.

It was after Noon by the time I heard from CC, and it took me to message her first. She really is a night owl. though given that she's also a massive sun worshipper, I had naively thought that she'd get herself out of bed earlier because the weather is too good to waste, but no. So a request for breakfast/brunch turned into brunch/lunch.

Booty Time.

I'm pretty sure I've commented on this before, but back in the day, around the same time that I briefly hooked up with FBS, she would often wear a really nice pair of black OTK boots over her jeans.

They're also known as "fuck me boots" or, as FBS called them: "CFM boots" for "come, fuck me". I don't recall FBS wearing them in the three or so months we were doing our thing. She definitely never wore them any time we went back to her house for... fun. I definitely would have remembered that.

And while I do have fond memories of FBS wearing that combination of jeans and footwear, it wasn't a look I recall seeing other women wear... until I saw an Instagram post with this actress, Helen Flanagan. 

 

I didn't, but did.

I didn't contact CC about dinner. It's a bank holiday weekend over here, and the weather is gorgeous, so I assumed any where we'd likely go to would be rammed. I did get in touch about brunch tomorrow though. And she's agreed to it.

Redemption.

Ages ago, like years, like pre-Covid, I had a period where, for no reason, I got super-paranoid that KfW2 had found this blog. it was unfounded paranoia. I woke one morning with the idea planted in my head and couldn't shake it for a few weeks, then it disappeared. I can't remember if I blogged about it or chatted to USHW about it.

But, back to today and  the post I made on Wednesday where I complained about KfW2 pleading poverty and also her random text messaging because she wouldn't text yesterday.

Well, she did text yesterday and there was the seeds of an actual conversation. And she arrived today, fully apologetic because she had to literally drop off some stuff and leave. But even though she was only here for ten minutes, she still offered up about four hugs. I love hugs. I love hugs with boobs, too. They hit different.

And her final parting sentence:

"When we come back, do you want to go for dinner or do that thing we did a few years back?" 

No mention of poverty.

"Let's figure it out when you come back."

Though, dear Reader, I am already leaning towards dinner. 

But, yeah, anyone would think that she'd been  reading the blog. She does have a habit of redeeming herself like this, though.

And speaking of dinner, I'm tempted to contact CC and see if she wants to do something low-key this evening. I'll see how I feel in an hour. 

And we're off!

Not a bad start to my time off work. Well, that's not strictly true. I was at the dentist, first thing, for a filling. But that involved a pleasant walk of around 2 miles, listening to some music, and indulging in my... passion? for women in scrubs.

But I've also managed to do some gardening, paint the fence and message several people, including USHW. KfW2 hasn't been in touch, though that's sadly expected, especially after her message from a few days ago. I will be seeing her tomorrow, though, albeit briefly. CC hasn't been in touch either, surprisingly. I was half-expecting her to be in contact, suggesting we go out for dinner. 

There's plenty of time left in the day, though. 

And Jessica Alba didn't show up, USHW.
 

Sad Face

I was in the middle of making dinner last night when my phone pinged several times. It was KfW2. It was a pattern that long-term readers will find familiar coming from KfW2:

"I've missed you! We've not spoken in ages!"

"When we come back from holidays, you have to come and visit cos I won't be able to afford to go out!"

And then a gif and a voice note, all interspersed with a few "lol"s for good measure.

But this is a pattern. We don't see each other for ages, I suggest going out, KfW2 is unavailable then claims she can't afford to go out, and we end up having drinks at hers.

I'm partly to blame. I've not been in touch with her for months and the last time we spoke a few weeks back, she beat me to the call by about 10 mins: I was going to call her after seeing my Dad, but she called as I was leaving.

There are a number of reasons why I'm a little disappointed in the messages. I'm glad she was in touch. Having my friends get in contact proactively or even visit is hugely important to me. But if she'd done it tomorrow? That would have been so much better, for personal reasons (and she did cover that in her voice note). I'm also meant to be doing her a favour, and I was expecting to see her in person on Friday. But there's been no mention of that.

Here's looking at you.

I think my brother in law made a bit of a faux pas last night. I got a WhatsApp message from him, and I only saw it briefly. It mentioned my weight loss, fairly accurately too, so I think he used AI to determine how much weight I've lost because I've not told anyone exactly how much I've lost.

But the message was quickly deleted and he shared a photo from last Monday's family event: a picture of me, him and my nephew. And I have to say, it's a great picture of us.

But it's the first time I've seen "me" since I started the weight loss journey over 18 months ago. I mean, I've looked in the mirror but I've not seen a photo and it was difficult to recognise the person looking back at me. There's the weight loss, of course, but due to hair loss, I've also started keeping my hair really short.

So the face looking back at me from the photo was familiar,  but it wasn't me. In a good way, I think.

Bittersweet memories.

Facebook has shown me a picture of a pint of beer from three years ago today. I recall the day well: I met with FP and BR, we went to a restaurant, chatted then ended up in a pub that's close by.

It's memorable for all the wrong reasons. FP shared news about his illness with BR. BR shared news with FP about his addiction problems. And while the news sharing wasn't fun or great, it was great catching up with the guys, and the conversation quickly turned more positive and happy, even though strictly speaking, we shouldn't have been in the pub, but BR insisted it was OK and we did want to continue our conversation.

And a final, less positive note on this memory, it was the last day I saw FP in person. A very bittersweet memory. 

I'll have a beer later, I think. 

Looking good.

For the first time in a long time, V's posted on Facebook. A selfie of her and someone else going to a World Cup match. V has Italian and Argentinian heritage, and is very proud of both. And I have to say, she's looking very well in the selfie.

Sun's out!

I'm due to take some time off, ten days, in fact, and I'm looking forward to the break. I have some stuff to do about the house to prepare for the big work that's happening at the start of next month, and there's some stuff in the garden that I'd like to do. And that's handy because the weather for the next week is meant to be very good.

That means pleasant time in the garden, beers, books and music. And a very pleasant way to spend my time off instead of sat in front of a computer, like I normally do.

Hello?

I sent E a WhatsApp message a few days ago as it was her birthday. According to WhatsApp, she's not even read it, never mind acknowledged it. I hope things are OK. I don't think we've swapped messages since the start of the year.

Let's go!

G sent a text message to say that he'd be home in two weeks time. From the way he was talking, there could be a good chance we have a proper night out. I'd like that. I feel the need for spending some time with a close friend. Recent socialising with family and work colleagues has been fun, but it's not scratched that itch that a night out with friends would satisfy.

Starry eyed.

A bit of a weird dream last night: I was working in an old people's home that I think was owned and operated by my parents. For some inexplicable reason, several times a year, we needed to do some big work to a deadline - lots of admin and paperwork, some handiwork and decorating and things like that, but my Dad would always wait until the last minute and I'd get roped into helping him even though I disagreed with how he did things.

So far, not so weird and it did kind of mirror something that happened in real life. Where it gets weird is that the people who would drop in to help out would be A-list celebrities: Jennifer Lawrence, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake all featured. There were more, but I don't remember who else was there.

And it seemed that I was really friendly with both Jennifer Lawrence and Scarlett Johansson, generally chatting about all sorts including our respective careers and private lives. 

And... well, that's about it. 

Urgh.

Despite my social life being very quiet these days, I've now been in the pub three times since Sunday: the gig with Quiet Girl, a family thing on Monday evening and a work thing last night.

I wasn't expecting a lot from last night, to be honest, but it was surprisingly good fun.

Feeling it a little today. not a hangover per se, but a lack of sleep. Roll on 5 PM. 

You know, who?

Morena Baccarin's Instagram posts from today are giving me off some serious KfW2 vibes. It's the glasses, I think.

Urgh.

I was invited to a family thing last evening, and I'd been looking forward to it for a while. But after the meal, we adjourned to a bar and I felt really off. Not ill or anything, but just something. I wasn't drunk - I only had like four drinks. But while I enjoyed myself, I was very antsy. I just don't know why.

I left, came home (quite early) and went straight to bed. I've been awake since just after 3 AM, and it's killing me. And I do feel a little off today, ina physical way. I don't know if there's something else going on or if it's the lack of sleep.

I also remember a very small portion of a dream where actress Kaley Cuoco was comforting me for some reason. She pulled me into her chest, then started kissing me. And that's all I can remember.

Let's dance!

I think yesterday's gig could be regarded as being A Great Success. For starters, Quiet Girl loved the band. She's not someone who's usually outwardly enthusiastic, but she was very positive about the band. On the other hand, I have mixed feelings about Mr Quiet Girl - he was very drunk. He didn't get very drunk but rather he seemed to be very drunk from his arrival, which wasn't a great look if you ask me. Additionally, he disappeared randomly and probably missed half the gig, though QG said he would likely do that.

Additionally, and as a complete surprise, AM and her family turned up.

Once I'd arrived and secured seats, I took a quick snapshot of the band finishing off their soundcheck. I posted it in the silent WhatsApp chat (remember that?) and captioned it with "I'm here, are you close?"

It was a sarcastic post as no-one had arranged anything except Mr AM posting about the gig.

Mr AM replied a few minutes later:

"We're on our way!"

I assumed the message was, like mine, sarcasm. So imagine my surprise when, 20 minutes later, AM and her family walked in through the door. I introduced AM to QG and we settled in for the gig.

We also put tentative plans in place for food and drinks towards the end of next month and bemoaned the fact that no-one else ever did any organising.

All-in-all, a great Sunday. 

Vibing.

So the long-term weather forecast has indicated there might be another spell of good weather in about a week's time. I don't have the skin type for these heat waves, but the dunny weather does great things for my mood and mental health. It'd be better if the good weather held off for two weeks, because I am taking some time off work that week, and a week sat in the back garden with cold drinks and books and music would be fantastic. Just pure vibes.

Let's dance!

Quiet Girl IMed me earlier to say they'd decided that they were going to go to the gig at CB Pub. I've offered her M's ticket, which she's accepted. She wants to give me money, but I've shot that down. It's not a huge amount of money, but she won't take 'no' for an answer. We've agreed that she'll buy me a drink and that'll be payment.

Hmmm.

In the space of a few hours, both M an Quiet Girl have suggested they might not go to the Sunday afternoon gig in CB Pub with my favourite local band. Well, to be perfectly accurate, M has directly said that he won't be going due to his MM double-booking him for a birthday BBQ.

Quiet Girl has suggested that, because it's a tickets (i.e. paid) event and because she has guests over, they might not make it either due to price and potentially the guests wanting to sightsee rather than go to a gig.

I said that I'd be there regardless and if she does decide to go, I have a spare ticket courtesy of M's unavailability. 

Weather or not.

Despite feeling overwhelmed with adulting stuff, I was returning from some family stuff earlier and part of that was getting the bus home. I have a choice on the bus journey, I can get off close to where I think Chloe lives (where she told me she lived) or I can get off the bus close to my office.

If I took the latter option, I'd be roughly just under 2 miles from my house and there's a bus that would drop me pretty much outside my front door. If I got off near Chloe, it's roughly two and a half miles home.

However, due to the weather, I decided on the former. I had my earphone with me, I put on a Spotify playlist and walked home. The bright sunshine and scorching temperatures, even with the exercise, really put me in a better mood.

We have one more day of really great weather left (according to the current weather forecast) before it turns cooler and less sunny. It would have been great had it lasted into the weekend. If I hadn't been on a training course this week, I'd have definitely taken a last-minute day off.

Ooof.

I've been feeling very overwhelmed today. There's a lot of stuff going on and I'm useless at adulting. I'm semi-regretting agreeing to do KfW2 a favour, though this is about me and other things I have going on, nothing to do with KfW2 herself.

The house stuff is already stressing me out and it's not due to happen until around the start of August. There are a few unknown factors in there, and that stresses me out. The family stuff has been ongoing for a couple of weeks and show no signs of ending in the near future. I've a phone call scheduled for Friday around the family stuff and it's stressing me out. I'm useless at phone calls. I prefer to do things over email or instant chat where I have a record of things or things written down.

But for some reason, it all hit me today and that resulted in me being overwhelmed.

Suits you, sir.

A post made on Reddit asked how old was the oldest piece of clothing that people own. My record is 31 years: a t-shirt that I bought at a gig back in, I think, 1995. It's on its last legs, but there's a bit of sentimental value to it. It was a gig I was at with D and FBS and had a great time (this was long after my dalliance with FBS).

But I also have another t-shirt that's over 18 years old. This one doesn't really have sentimental value - I don't recall where or when I bought it - but I do remember that I wore it on my "proper" date with Recruitment Bird. Does getting handsy and making out with RB mean that I can attach sentimental value to a t-shirt? Maybe it does.

We're a few weeks away from it being the 18th anniversary of the start of the RB thing, but I think it's time that the t-shirt gets retired*

*binned. 

Something to ponder.

I've been thinking about the Male Loneliness Epidemic recently. It's a big thing online. I don't know if it's as pervasive in real life, but I know that it's something I think about quite often. Regular readers will know that I've posted about loneliness before and my issues with my sister/brother-in-law and KfW2 always putting the responsibility for being in contact on me.

Often, from my perspective, the issue is not being alone but the quality of company when I do hunt it out. And "company" is doing a lot of heavy lifting there. I don't think I'm explaining myself too well. It's not the company per se but really how the company comes about and what happens when in company.

Even a nonsense conversation has value if someone seeks me out and makes the effort to get in touch. I was stupidly pleased when KfW2 got in touch at the end of last week, even if it was only because she subsequently wanted a favour.

Having loved ones take some time out of their day to get in touch means an awful lot to me. I get zero from my sister. I can't remember if I've blogged about this before, but I've lived in this house for ten years and my sister has never popped in for an impromptu chat and coffee. She has been here, but there's always a specific reason for her to be here. But she's very much of the mindset that people go to her.

KfW2 has semi-pivoted to that. She used to pop in quite frequently, but since Covid, that's all but gone. She's mentioned more than once that I am always welcome down at hers when I need company, which is great, but sometimes I just wanna get her on her own, no hubby, no kids, and be open with her.

FP has been a big loss and probably a big factor to me feeling lonely more frequently these days as we'd chat a few times a month, in person, in the pub.

Conversations with G scratch that itch, but he's only ever home once every few months and we usually grab an hour or so to chat over coffee or a beer.

And to give an example where it doesn't have to be in-person and more about the kind/quality of communication, USHW and I used to have ongoing rambly email conversations that often got quite deep and often quite personal. And I held those in great regard. Even the quick WhatsApp chats we have these days can sort of get there, just not to the same detail that they would have years ago.

So, yeah, for anyone reading this, people don't necessarily have to be isolated or alone to feel lonely. It's always worth reaching out to your loved ones, and it's even better to make the effort and see them in person. 

Favourtown.

The cynical part of me had this niggling doubt about why KfW2 was so adamant that we met for lunch or something last week. It was too last minute, she seemed far too earnest for it to be nothing. And as I've already said, it really wasn't what I wanted, which was a good few hours in some decent surroundings, being friends. We've not done that since last year.

So I can't say that I was surprised when she sent a text message on Saturday asking for a favour. A pretty big favour. A repeat of the favour she asked of me in February.

I, of course, said "yes". I'm never going to leave a friend in need if I can, and the timing actually works out pretty well.

She's already been gushing with her thanks, and it means a lot to hear that - not everyone is as grateful as she is.

Gasp.

Remember in my last post, I said that the weather was great and that I am always more frisky in good weather?

Well, I should have added that I was out on a walk yesterday morning and as it was heading back home, I called into a local coffee place to treat myself to a latte.

As I collected my drink and turned to leave, I had to stop my jaw from literally dropping. Three women had joined the queue behind me, probably mid to late 20s. But they were, in my mind, dressed for clubbing and they were all stunning. 

But it was the style of clothing they were wearing.

 

This is Hollywood actress Jessica Henwick. I don't know what she's been in, but her dress is almost identical to what one of the women was wearing yesterday. I'm not complaining or being judgemental - she can wear what she wants - but I thought it was unusual to see this kind of glam in my home city, and at 11:30 AM on a Saturday morning in a coffee shop.

Bah!

I was going to make a post about the weather changing seeing as yesterday and today have been glorious, but despite England getting a heatwave, and the temperatures here getting into mid-20s C, we're not actually getting a spell of sunny weather. 

Tomorrow's meant to be rubbish, Tuesday looks OK and then that's it. Hot and wet after that. That's how I like my girlfriends, not the weather.

Maybe that's not a bad thing, though. I've posted before about how the hot weather affects me and I have been extremely frisky over the past 48 hours. 

What?

I had the weirdest dream last night. In it, a close friend was murdered, but before he died, he gave me a piece of technology. And from then on, I was chased around my home city, movie-style, by archetypal bad guys in black Range Rovers. In many of the "scenes" in my dream, I was naked for seemingly no reason.

I woke up before the bad guys caught me but also before any kind of resolution (or I'd forgotten it). 

Urgh.

I don't know what's going on, but I've been in a bit of a funk over the past few days. I could point to some obvious factors: the weather being rubbish, family stuff, not seeing anyone outside of family in weeks. But I can't say that any of them are responsible for the funk. Something feels off/missing, but I don't know what it is.

Oh? Ah.

I still haven't gotten around to doing the exercises for my back that I put together a few weeks back (probably more than that now tbh), but I have been making more of an effort to be on my feet more, doing stuff. And do you know what? That alone is starting to pay dividends.

Don't get me wrong - more, quicker, better recovery will require doing the exercises - but this feels like a good starting point and the slight easing of pain during the day does indicate that my own intuition about the root cause of the pain is actually correct.

LOL.

I was swapping messages with USHW and she said something that provoked a memory of CAB.

I was out at a pub with CAB and BW and a few others including BW's younger brother. We were having a discussion of some kind, a light-hearted "boys vs girls" kind of conversation when BW's little brother proudly pronounced that "blokes invented batteries" and sat there feeling quite smug.

We knew what the undercurrent was of that, but it was kinda surprising to hear that come from BW's little bro.

"Blokes didn't invent fingers though, did they?" retorted CAB.

BW's little bro was flabbergasted. We all laughed at him.

"Looks like you lost, go get some drinks in!" laughed BW.

So... yeah... an enjoyable semi-conversation with USHW today and an enjoyable memory of CAB. 

Sigh.

KfW2 called as I was getting on  the bus earlier. Was I free for lunch on Friday? Or if I wasn't was I free for an hour to go for a walk and some fresh air because she misses me and we've not seen each other since, what, March?

But she'd have to go and collect the kids from school.

So, a rushed affair. Not the lunch "date" I'd have liked - having a leisurely lunch, some drinks and then a couple of hours chilling in a bar, chatting.

It nearly always seems to turn out like this. KfW2 even  managed to mention that she'd just spent a lot of money on clothes for her kids - a school uniform for next year. She didn't say outright that she couldn't afford our usual afternoon out, but it felt like it was being implied.

I always feel bad complaining about this aspect of KfW2 because she did call me, she did offer to do something, and that's more than a lot of friends of mine would have done.

But I have been looking forward to going to a nice restaurant, hitting a nice bar and having some quality time with a friend.

Let's rock.

M was quite quick to reply earlier saying that he'd like to go to the gig at CB Pub in a few weeks time. I'll admit that I am surprised, but in a good way. I had half-expected him to say he had other commitments, but that wasn't the case. I'm looking forward to it already.

Groove on.

Quiet Girl's just sent a message about the music festival that's in town at the end of the month. We were talking about this a few weeks back at the last work's event. Her and her husband are taking in a few gigs that weekend, but they've also decided that they want to see my favourite local band who are playing that weekend as part of the same festival.

I've texted M to see if he wants to go. I'll happily go on my own - my ticket's been bought for a while, but I've not seen M in ages, so it'd be nice to have a pint and a catch-up. 

Grrr.

With the World Cup being on, I'm watching as much footy as I can. Sometimes I'll be doing stuff at the same time, like now for example. Germany vs Curacao is on ITV, and when I do, I watch online. This match is on ITV, so I'm viewing through the ITVX app/website.

It's horrible. I've seen worse user experiences, but not many and not recently.

Looking good.

I may have implied, or even stated outright, that I've lost quite a bit of weight over the past 18 months (actually about 20). While a few people have noticed, I've only gotten compliments off of two people that I can remember: a work colleague a few weeks back, and my cousin, today.

My sister and brother-in-law asked quite early into the weight loss journey about it. Nerdy Girl asked me if I was ill after asking if I'd lost weight. KfW2 didn't notice at all, then promptly forgot and then the next time she saw me a few weeks later, asked me if I'd lost weight.

Arguably, I'm still slightly overweight, maybe by as much as 8 lbs or 3.5 kg, but I've been hovering around my current weight for three or four months now. And I'm OK with that. I might be able to shift the last bit if I were more active, and I have been a little more active over the past few weeks, to start sorting out my back issues rather than from a weight perspective.

I'm at the stage where I feel comfortable buying new clothes. I've lost a lot of weight, but at 20 months into the journey, I'm kinda hoping that I'm settled and am not going to put it all back on again over the next few months. 

Oh no.

I had two separate dreams that involved KfW2 last night. I think they both followed the same kind of them. In the first, we were at a party. I might have been hosting it. And I was trying to chat to KfW2, but she was proving elusive. If I tried to make my way across the room, she'd be gone by the time I got there. If I tried to talk to her, she'd make an excuse to be somewhere else or talk to someone else. And a general feeling of us becoming more and more distant with each failed attempt to talk.

I woke early this morning, around 6 AM, and tried to get back to sleep. I did eventually, around 7:30 AM, and had a similar dream, though these details are much more vague. I think I was in a caravan that I owned, KfW2 and her family were there, but I couldn't get talking to her for a number of reasons.

I was planning on calling KfW2 today anyway because of the aforementioned family stuff, but I think those dreams will mean I do make more of an effort to find the time.

Sigh.

More family stuff happening, which is probably going to be the start of more serious issues in the upcoming months, and I will have to either phone or email someone over the next few days and shout at them.

Interesting.

According to a meeting that I was in earlier, it looks like the Tall Woman (who might have been hitting on me at a work Christmas party about ten years ago) is likely to become my boss within the next few months. Probably around the start of August.

As I've posted before, I don't think she remembers (she was horrendously drunk), so I don't see it being a problem. There are other aspects that are concerning about this, but Tall Woman being my boss is not one of them.

Oh yes.

Ideas Girl has already leaked the details for the work summer party. It's at the same place as last year. We had a good time last year, with Quiet Girl, Stalky Guy and another couple of people hanging around afterwards and getting a much later train home. The weather was good too if I recall correctly. Fingers crossed for more of the same thing year.

I still have the memory of QG laying her head on my shoulder on the train on the way home. That's not helping the loneliness. I do not have a thing for QG (well, maybe a little crush), but it's not QG that's provoking the loneliness, but the action itself.

Grrr.

I'm tired. It's work-related. I've been trying to solve a problem for about a week now and while I am making progress, it's slow progress. And really, it should have been sorted quite a few days ago. my boss isn't saying anything, which is good, but I'm still pressuring myself to get this sorted ASAP so I can move on to something else.

I would take some time off, but a) I can't really until this issue is sorted, which is probably a day or so away, b) I have a 2 week training course starting next week and c) shortly after that, at the start of July, I have a week booked off for personal time anyway. 

I just need to get this bloody problem solved. 

It's raining, meh.

I'm toying with the idea of going to the local shopping centre. I don't have anything to buy. Actually, that's not strictly true. I don't need anything, but there are a few items that i could pick up, and I would pick up if I were out and about. Whether that justifies me going shopping is another matter.

But it's more a case of me going out to get outside and stretch my legs. I've not really gotten into the exercise plan for my back that I put together a few weeks ago. I have made a point about being a little more active in general, but I do need to target this back issue.

However, the weather's rubbish. If it were nice, I'd walk there. It's just over a mile away, maybe about 20 mins walk. But with the rain, it's a bus journey.

I need a shower anyway, so I'll decide after I get showered and changed. The shops don't open until 1 PM. The weather is sucking my enthusiasm though.

A-ha!

I found myself going through an old MSN conversation with A earlier this afternoon. I remembered us being quite open with each other, but the conversation was quite explicit. A was fresh off her "secret" relationship with the guy who was fucking K on the side. She was on match.com, trying out online dating, before online dating was actually a thing. Plus it was the early stages of her relationship with the guy who would become her husband, and who she couldn't get a read on at all.

It was notable for being around the time of a few interesting social nights that I might have blogged about before - a night out with G where we met some cute women and a night out with my sister and brother-in-law (and Friction Guy) where I met and had really intense chemistry with another cute woman. I'm almost sure I've blogged about the former, maybe not the latter though.

Anyway, A was being very explicit about a lot of things - her failed attempts to fuck the now-husband, her chesty Match.com photos, the now-husband's oral skills, her general horniness levels (the good weather gets her frisky), how great her tits were, and her concern that her holidays, the now-husband's holidays and her imminent period would take sex off the table for at least a month.

I'd completely forgotten that she was that forthright about stuff. But that kind of stuff never fazes me and unlike UHSW who was testing boundaries when we first started talking, I think A just liked that she could talk about whatever she wanted without pushing me away simply because she was talking about, for example, her period.

Woah!

This happens quite often: I posted yesterday about not having spoken to KfW2 in ages and how I'd planned to call her today. Well, guess who called me this morning? Yup. That seems to happen quite a lot, both ways.

We spoke for quite a while, covering topics such as our families, CC, work. KfW2 again suggested that we should meet soon, but she seemed adamant that it would be lunch, not dinner.

Part of me wanted it to be dinner. An evening out with kfW2 would be fun. An afternoon out with KfW2 would be fun, too, but I think I'd prefer an evening. I don't know why. She also suggested a Friday. She's off work on a Friday. I am not. I could take time off, quite easily. I have taken time off for social things in the past.

So, anyway, mild disappointment aside, we could be out before the end of the month. I'd like that. 

Long time, no speak.

It's been ages since i last spoke to KfW2. I know she's off tomorrow, so I might give her a call and catch up on life and see if there's any movement on us getting dinner and drinks.

Guess what?

WhatsApp group update: still no further messages apart from one from AM's husband that mentioned my favourite local band.

I can't say I'm surprised. I'm documenting this more to share with you, dear Reader, about how bad they've been.

More Memories

Facebook reminds me that it was a long time ago where I returned from Chicago on a last-minute work trip. It was where, arguably, my friendship with KfW2 began. We'd met before but never really talked. On this trip, though, we'd spent some time together and actually had conversations.

Our friendship didn't actually take off for at least another six months and it wasn't as smooth sailing as I had thought. Something that KfW2 didn't admit for a couple of years.

But there are photos posted on Facebook from the trip that have appeared on my timeline today. Good memories.

Eureka!

I can't remember the exact details around it, but a memory popped into my head earlier. My sister and mum were in town and I had taken them out to lunch. I think it was at the bar where R2 worked, but I'm not 100% sure on that.

What I am sure about is that they left and I had an afternoon off, and I did find myself in the bar where R2 worked, chatting to R2. It was midweek so the bar was quiet and she had plenty of spare time to chat.

I'm also pretty sure that's the afternoon where I decided to go to university, or it was the catalyst for my decision. R2 was easy to talk to, so an afternoon of chatting about my career plans (or lack thereof) was an easy way to pass the time.

So by the time I'd finished a few pints, a number of hours later, not only was I feeling fairly optimistic about things, but I had a rough idea of what to do, who to talk to and what I'd need.

I'm pretty sure I got a hug, too. 

The day after the day after.

I think spending some time with Quiet Girl on Friday night has sparked a feeling of loneliness. I was off-kilter for a lot of yesterday afternoon which I initially just put down to being drunk the night before and not getting enough sleep.

But as the afternoon wore on, it started feeling like something rather than just a vague apathy/melancholy that I sometimes get after a good night out with people.

And it's not Quiet Girl herself, but rather wanting to meet someone. She was talking about going to gigs with her husband and how the music festival I mentioned in a previous post was her favourite weekend of the year. And I think it was that conversation that kicked off the funk: I want to meet someone where I can do stuff like that. And if that's a romantic partner, then all the better.

The day after.

The work event was good fun. Unsurprisingly, I spent most of my time chatting with Quiet Girl. We also had some chat with a woman who I was convinced was about 25 but she claimed to be "nearly 40". I was also very drunk. To the point where I didn't enjoy it. I like being tipsy. The weight loss over the past year plus not really drinking that often any more has really damaged my tolerance.

Anyway, QG and I made some tentative arrangements for the end of June when there's a music festival across the city. I doubt they'll come to fruition, but they're out there. 

So, a quiet day planned. I see the sofa and football in my future this afternoon.

Saturday Night... what?

A bit of a weird dream last night. Most of the details are gone, but it featured FA2, KfW2 and random stuff like being backstage at Saturday Night Live, with the cast and guest stars. FA2 and KfW2 seemed to know each other and be friendly and that sparked some jealousy on my part, but most of the other details are gone.

Eeeeeek!

So I got the guy out to finalise the plans for the house work and I've paid a deposit and I'm scared. It's a lot of money. But it's work that needs done and it'll add value to the house (not that I am looking to sell) and it'll make a world of difference when the dark and cold nights come this winter.

And once that's done, I'll need to turn my attention to the kitchen, which is another expensive job. Sigh. but, again, having a new, bigger kitchen will make life an awful lot better. 

Let's not go :(

D's just messaged to say that he can't make it for Saturday night's planned event. He has a family thing out of town which means he won't be in town for the thing he was originally planning on attending which then means he won't be out for drinks afterwards.

I'm pretty sure that also means that Friction Guy won't be out.

The plus side is that if Friday night gets messy (work thing with Quiet Girl and others) then I have all day to recover without worrying about meeting D in the pub at 5 PM.

Let's go!

The guy got back to me with an all-in-one quote for the work I wanted to get done and it's right on the limit of my completely arbitrary price point. I said I'd call him back in 24 hours, which has already passed but I have been super busy with work. I am going to call him and tell him to progress with my order when I get ten minutes to myself.

The work won't get done until next the end of the summer, but I'm OK with that - as long as it's done before the nights draw in and it gets colder. And that shouldn't be a problem as long as I do call the guy before the end of the week.

Good and bad.

I went out for a walk with Nerdy Girl last evening. It was a slightly extended walk - about 4.5 miles, instead of the usual 3-ish, partly due to the weather, partly due to me wanting to push the limits a little with building up the strength in my back and leg muscles (which is a contributing factor in my ongoing back pain). 

She was great company as usual, we adjourned to a juice bar afterward and talked for an hour or so. But I am feeling it this morning, and not in that good "exercise pain" way, but in a "my back is killing me" way.

Sun's out.

Bit of a last-minute invite to my sister's for a BBQ yesterday. The weather here for the past few days has been great.

BBQs mean beer and I'm afraid to say that I might have over-indulged. And even though it's a Bank Holiday here in the UK, I'm working.

I'll log off early though and go and read a book in the back garden. It'd be a shame to waste this good weather, right? 

FFS

I bought some stuff during the week to make cocktails. Espresso Martinis to be more accurate. But can I find my cocktail making kit? I know I had one. I ordered one off Amazon years back when I had my cocktail night. It's unlikely I would have thrown it out. While I am not a hoarder, I also don't throw stuff out unless it's broken or it's been replaced with something else.

Man, this is frustrating. 

EDIT: I found it. I looked up the order on Amazon, recognised the box that triggered a memory and I had it in my hands within 30 secs.

Oooft.

We had a team-building event yesterday that involved an escape room then a trip to the pub. I was drunk, dear Reader. The first time in a long time. I can't remember the last time I was properly drunk. Maybe the last time I was out with FBS and that crowd?

Anyway, it was a good night. I spent a while chatting to the tall woman that I've posted about a few times before. The one who might have made a drunken approach at a previous work event. I don't think she really remembers that.

I met a few other work people from other teams and offices and they were all really nice.

I could do with going back to bed, though. Drunk sleep + waking early means a very tired Ruuude.

Cheers!

Last week, I questioned Ideas Girl about the lack of work events over the past few months. She promised to see if she could arrange one for this month, but i held out little hope. However, on Monday, IG pinged me and said that she'd gotten permission. Could I suggest anywhere? I gave off a couple of suggestions and left it at that.

24 hours later, I was chatting to Stalky Guy "complaining" about IG going quiet when an email from our organising committee landed in my inbox.

Next Friday then.

I quickly messaged the usual group of people about going out. IG was saying that the funding was our social events was being slashed, so it makes sense (to me) that we get numbers out to show that we still want these events.

Quiet Girl is on holiday, but I sent her a text message. She was quick to reply. She wants to come out, too.

Hopefully next Friday will be fun. 

Cautiously optimistic.

So the guy came out yesterday and took some measurements for the work I want done. I'm clueless when it comes to even guessing what this type of thing costs, but I had a random number in my head. I was chatting to G about it on Saturday. The number is my "I can definitely afford this" number. Any more than that and I would have to put some thought into maybe tailoring the work - getting less done or something. However, randomly, in a general conversation, the guy mentioned my number when chatting about something else.

"Oh, your work will be less than that," he was quick to clarify.

But he couldn't give me the quote there and then. He had a couple of things to do first, but he'd call me back.

Well... he did this morning. However I don't have the final price. He's given me the quote for the things I want done, but I also require some building work that he can't give me a figure for. If this extra work adds another 20%, then I'll be more than happy. That'll still be under my number and affordable.

I've got an email out there for another quote, but the base price from yesterday's guy seems fine to me, the materials are good quality (I did some online research) and both CC and S have used this company before, so I have confidence in the quality. 

The work won't be done until the end of the summer, which is disappointing, but the important bit is that it's done before the winter sets in. 

By the power...

I've said before that I'm not a He-Man fan in any shape or form. It was a cartoon from my childhood that I never got that excited by.

 

But, you know,  I might be tempted to go to the cinema to watch this for obvious reasons.

Checking in?

Remember the WhatsApp chat I mentioned a few weeks back? There's still no activity in it. The people who have started it have taken no responsibility at all for trying to arrange something. Why even bother?

Family ties.

I went to my sister's with a view to chat about some family stuff and ended up at my Dad's doing a clear out of the roof space.

We've thrown out a lot of stuff over the past few weeks. My Dad is a hoarder - though not one of those hardline ones that you see on TV. However, we did still throw out several TVs that were at least 30 years old.

I also found (and kept)  a few things from my school days. Specifically, FP and I arranged our end-of-school social - a party at a local nightclub with a live band and a DJ. As part of the clearout, I found some posters we'd created. We had grander schemes than just inviting our school which didn't really work out. But FP and I still ended up selling hundreds of tickets. Not bad for a Tuesday night.

I should photograph them and put them on social media. 

Happy talk?

We were only out for a few hours, but G is always good company. Our family situations, with respect to some family members, is almost identical, so we were swapping news and information based on that.

Additionally, he was telling me stories of his recent family holiday, which involved New York. I've posted before about NY being somewhere I'd like to visit, so I told him I was jealous and got some suggestions from him about things to do etc.

As I said above, we were only out for a few hours - a couple of drinks in total - but it was tough leaving the bar. I could easily have sat there for another few hours, putting the world to rights. 

Woah.

Another out of the blue text! This time from G.

We're going to meet for a coffee or a drink later this afternoon.

Very unexpected (I wasn't expecting him home again until next month) but very welcome.

Oddly optimistic.

Out of the blue, I got a text message from KfW2 last night.

"I still haven't forgotten. I think I'm free soon."

It's related to me "demanding" to take her out for food and drinks for her birthday. I'm delighted. For the past few years, this is something that drags on for months. And she insists that it's a joint day out to celebrate her birthday and mine. I don't really like this aspect of it. I want to treat her. We don't buy each other gifts, but pre-Covid, we would buy each other dinner.

But it's entirely possible that we could be doing something within a few weeks. Yay! 

WTAF?

Remember a while back I said I'd like to go to more gigs? Well, I've not done too badly, since I made that a goal. I could do more, and I will, but I've been to more gigs in the past 12 months than probably the previous decade.

Anyway, a band I like will be in town in September. I've just found this out. Tickets are already limited availability. I checked anyway.

£236 

Two hundred and thirty six pounds. 

What the actual fuck? 

Dream Girl.

Last night was a bit of a strange mish-mash of dreams. Plenty of people featured, but the context around most of them has already faded. The one aspect of the dream that I do still, sort of, remember featured CH.

We were at a bar, chatting. I think I mentioned something about the number of people who had been convinced that KfW2 and I were dating over the years. Not people who knew us directly, but those who kinda, sorta knew us and saw us out and about together.

In the dream, CH said something like:

"Yeah, I get that. I often have to correct people about my relationship with a close friend." 

I looked at her.

"You, dummy." She punched my arm.

Then she pulled me in and gave me a long, lingering hug.

I think there was more to it, but that's the bit I remember.

I do miss CH sometimes, but I think that's more the ambiguous touching/flirting and my attraction to her that went on rather than who she was as a person or a friend. Or the fact that it was clear that she had feelings for me. I can't remember the last time I had that, and it would be nice if I had that again. As a friend, I don't think she brought that much to the table.

But here are a few photos of Alison Brie in her "squint and she kinda gives off CH vibes" era. (I think it's definitely the smile.)

 I think my head might have exploded had CH worn a dress like that second picture.

Let's go!

Yesterday I sent off my first request for a quote for a big piece of work for the house. It's something I've tried, on and off, to get done for about 5 years. I've pivoted slightly this time. Instead of repairs, I'm just going for full replacement.

I got an email back, quite quickly, saying they'd call to arrange a date and time. Just waiting for that call to come in. 

Once I get that sorted, I'll see if I can get a second or third quote. But, much like the heating upgrade I got done before Xmas, if the first quote comes in around a figure I have in my head, I'm likely to just go ahead with it. 

Back at it.

While I've yet to do any of the exercises that I extracted from Chat GPT a few days ago, I have been putting other aspects of its advice into play: being more active, getting up out of my chair more, going for short, leisurely walks.

Walking to the post office yesterday to post a letter helps. Doing the favour for CC last night helped. They're not big things, but they help. I'd love to be out, doing some gardening this week, but the weather's rubbish. But that'd help, too. 

It advised taking things easy. My weight loss has also had an impact that I didn't get from Chat GPT but it was something that came up when I was cross-referencing its findings: I've lost muscle mass, too. And that could also be contributing to my back pain.

So I need to build up the muscle mass, which the exercises would help with, but general movement would also help.

It'll be weeks or months before I see some actual proper improvement, so this isn't something that'll be fixed within a few days, but it'll be a habit I have to re-form.

Plot points.

CC called me out of the blue. Well, not exactly out of the blue, because I tried to get her out for brunch a few weeks back, but that's the first contact we've had since... January?

Unsurprisingly, she wanted a favour. 

"I'll buy you dinner for it."

So I was sold.

It wasn't even that difficult a job: build some furniture. It took about 45 minutes. I think CC thought it would take longer. We adjourned to the nearest bar, which happened to be CC's local.

We chatted about various things: work, our families and TV. I don't watch a lot of (current) TV. I'm watching Daredevil at the moment and have just completed my annual rewatch of Community.

"I've started watching Euphoria" said CC.

"I've heard it's very good"

"Sydney Sweeney is in it. She gets her tits out a lot. It's a bonkers show."

"I can't say that Sydney Sweeney floats my boat, but I might give it a watch anyway."

"She what?"

"She's attractive. She has a GREAT figure. But she doesn't do it for me."

"Are you mad?"

"Not when I last checked."

And we moved on to other topics. 

Back to fitness.

I know that a lot of people look unfavourably at AI (or what's currently being described as AI: large language models, or LLMs). I admit that there are issues that I have with it, too. My job is increasingly at risk due to AI and I think it's entirely likely that I will be made redundant within the next five years as a direct result.

And don't get me started on AI-produced "art".

But it can have its uses if you know how to utilise it. That's half the battle. Creating a good prompt can yield incredible results, but writing a good prompt is a skill in itself.

For example, I could ask Google about chronic back pain.  Which would give me thousands of results.

Or I could write a comprehensive prompt, which is what I did. I described my pain, how long I've had it, the fact that I've not yet had a GP diagnosis, my own suspicions about my sedentary lifestyle being a factor and it give me a result.

To be fair, it did advise going to see a GP as one of its first comments, but it also suggested that my theory about my inactivity could be a factor. I then asked if there were exercises that I could do to help ease or remove the pain and it updated its response with a 6 - 8 week plan. I then added that I had some basic exercise equipment and listed it to see if that would change things, and the LLM made slight adjustments to add the equipment after a few weeks.

And finally, I asked it to create a collated collection of its responses with detail descriptions of the exercises in a printable format for offline reference. And it did that, too.

I still have to contact my GP, and it's still hugely advisable to double-check what an LLM tells you (as should be the case for any internet search, especially medical) but a lot of the basic exercises are the same as those in my Yoga programme. A cursory search looks like there's nothing massively incorrect in what the LLM has given me, so that's something to get on with, I think.

FFS.

Remember a few weeks back I complained about my sister's communication? Well, last night, around 11 PM, I got a text message.

Was I available to paint a fence? My Dad's fence, specifically.

As you may know if you read my last post, I had plans to today: carpet shopping. I also had plans to do some gardening and some cleaning.

I could  have said "no", but the work needs done for reasons I don't really want to get into on this blog. But 24 hours notice is awful.

I didn't reply until this morning. Not that my sister would have noticed as she barely carries her phone with her and even then she's awful at keeping it charged.

Anyway, I hurriedly did the cleaning this morning, or some of it at least, and will head over to my Dad's after lunch to paint the fence. It at least looks like a nice day outside.

Oh dear.

I have a confession, dear Reader. I didn't go carpet shopping per my plan that I shared yesterday. My plan was originally to walk to the carpet shop (probably about 2 miles from my house), grab a coffee on the way and just take it easy. However, the weather wasn't as reported, with frequent heavy showers. I could have gotten the bus most of the way there, but I really had my heart set on the stroll.

I contented myself with some further research about pricing, I did some basic measurements about how much carpet I'd need etc. and what I am prepared to budget. I am arguably better prepared to go to the shop than I was at this time yesterday. If the weather improves, I'll go tomorrow.

I also need to pull up the old carpet. I want to do that ASAP so I can prepare the floors - fix some creaky floorboards etc. That might be a job for an evening next week, 

Magic carpet ride.

I ended up taking tomorrow off work. I say "taking it off work", but the reality is that I've done my hours by 4 PM this afternoon, padded out with some time accrued from a few weekends ago. I'm looking forward to it.

The plan is to get a lie-in, a quick shower and then off to the local carpet shop to see about (finally) replacing the awful-looking 1970s carpet on my hall and landing.

I've already narrowed it down to a few, from online browsing, so it's just a matter of seeing them in person, arranging measurement and then fitting. I'm hoping that won't take any more than a few hours. I could be back in the house by lunchtime. 

Nooooo!

We haven't had a work event in over two months. I messaged Ideas Girl who's part of the organising committee and she shared that their budget had been slashed. That's disappointing. They've really cut our social budget over the past few years, but yet almost demand we go into the office "to chat and network with our colleagues".

We just can't do it on a Friday evening with a couple of drinks.

She also admitted that the annual summer party is likely to be a victim of the budget cut. I don't really blame them - it was expensive and, in my opinion, there was a lot of waste. However, a trimmed down summer party could be doable. I suggested this to IG, though I know she single-handedly arranges the summer party, so I was light on the observation about the waste. She liked the idea and said she's see what she could do. It'd be less like a summer party of old and more like a more posh version of our monthly event, and I'm all for that. 

All I really did at the summer parties was drink and chat to the likes of Quiet Girl. And that's what I do at the monthly events.

Urgh.

Remember that 4 AM start from this morning? Well, I have another one tomorrow. FFS.

The good news is that I should be able to take Friday off. 

Urgh.

Did I say that I had a 4 AM start this morning? On a Bank Holiday? It sucks, right? Well, if that's not bad enough, then I have another early start tomorrow. At this rate, I'll be finished by Thursday. I bet the weather's rubbish at the weekend.

Missed opportunity.

I forgot to mention that KfW2 left a voicenote yesterday after I'd told her that I wanted to take her out for food and drinks to celebrate her birthday (which was months ago). She said that yesterday would have been perfect as her kids had gone away for the day for a football competition.

But then she also admitted that she didn't get out of bed until near 1 PM. If we had arranged to meet, out time would have been really short - a couple of hours, max. But at least she was entertaining the idea, and she didn't mention making it a shared celebration, which is what she's done for the past few times we've done this.

She doesn't get that I want to treat her, because it is her birthday. It used to be our thing - we'd not buy each other presents or anything, but we'd treat each other to lunch or dinner. It also meant, that if we did separate events, I'd get to see her twice. In recent years, that's become much more difficult. This year has been different. We've seen each other about four times already, and I'd like that to continue even if I've not seen her since the end of February.

Chat Watch (con't)

After last night's post, I woke this morning to see a few notification in the chat. Apparently the chat creator forgot all about it. AM's husband and QC1 have both posted, but no-one's actually suggested anything.

And also, after last night's post, I think I will have to call the dentist. There's no pain, but there is a noticeable hot/cold reaction when drinking. So I think I'd like to see the dentist quicker than my scheduled appointment. 

Chat Watch

So, it's been like 36 hours since I was added to a chat with AM, QC1 etc. and still no-one's said anything. This is weird, right? This isn't just me?

And in other news, not chat-related, I might have to visit the dentist. I think a bit of tooth or a bit of filling has fallen off. There's no pain, but it will need looked at. I do have a scheduled appointment at the end of the month, so if there are no issues, I can hold off until then. if not, then I'll have to see if I can see my dentist before then. 

Let's see...

Digging deeper into the AM group chat has revealed that it wasn't created by AM or her husband but by a mutual friend. Still, no-one's said anything in the chat since I was added. It's all the usual ones: AM, her hubby, QC1, her hubby, a friend of AM's from university and an unknown number.

I'm not going to say anything. I'll just let it play out. AM's only really arranged one thing that I can remember and even then she got all angry and petty because she went to a restaurant where I didn't like the food.

That annoyed me, because I'd spent years making arrangements only for her to cry off at the last minute or demand adjustments to pre-arranged plans.

So, yeah, I'm being passive on this one. Again.

Long time...

No-one's said anything in the group chat yet, though people are still being added. Due to a busy work week, I'm logging off for the week in about 20 mins and I'll treat myself to breakfast at the cafe just round the corner. I realised, when I made that decision, that I've not seen CC in ages. Months, in fact. And while I do complain about her being self-centred at times, recently she's been a lot better. So I fired her a quick message to see if she'd like to join me. She replied quite quickly. She's not available. Just me, then. I'm getting quite peckish.

Ooooooh.

I'm in the middle of a work call, so I can't really check my phone, but I've just had a notification from WhatsApp that I've been added to a group by AM's husband. It's only taken, what, two years since AM promised to "do something soon".

A two-fer.

For the past two nights, FA2 has featured in dreams. In Sunday night's dream, I was in the city where she lives and I was looking for her, but I never found her. In last night's dream, I was working in her city, but with my current workmates. On a work night out, she comes into the bar where we're drinking and I explain our history to my colleagues.

I've not thought about FA2 in a while, so featuring in two dreams in a row is interesting.

Working the core.

D prompted FBS for some dates where we could go out, but it transpires that she's not available until the start of July, with travel plans and family commitments.

I messaged D separately and suggested if he wanted to meet for drinks, seeing as he's in town, I'd be more than happy to meet up. He said that Friction Guy was going to the same day time thing that D was, so there's a real possibility that he could also tag along.

Out of all of us who worked in the same place all those years ago: me, D, FBS, Friction Guy, QC2 and Opinionated Guy, I'd say that me, D and Friction Guy would be the core group (from my perspective). It'd be nice to head out, just the three of us. It must be 20 years since that happened.

Back to back.

I did another few hours at my Dad's house today. It's good to see the work having a real impact and the back garden looks presentable again after years of neglect. However, the fact of the matter is that my back is in worse shape than I realised.

While I woke this morning in better shape than I had anticipated, it didn't take too long for the discomfort to kick in. Specifically, the walk to my Dad's house. It's not that far: just under a mile and a half and it's pretty level. So, not that taxing a walk. But my back was already starting to give me grief.

So three hours later with some mild physical labour and the return journey and I can barely move. I definitely need to call my GP and see about getting this fixed.