Just more random things.

I was going through some messages from a few years ago and they contained a few photos from a school reunion I attended. At the time, USHW had asked me about any crushes I had at a school and I told her a few stories.

There was one girl I remember from school who I'd crushed on. I think I was in 4th year (Year 11), so would have been about 15 or 16 at the time. I saw her in the corridor one day. She was part of my friend's class, so I used him as an "in" to get talking to her. I managed to get her number and call her one night where I made the worst attempt ever in asking someone out. She said "no".

Let's not beat about the bush here, I was fucking appalling with women at school. I'm still appalling with women now, actually. But it was a perfect storm for me with regards making an approach: we had no prior history, she was new to school and the time between first setting eyes on her and getting her number to ask her out was really quick, and no-one else knew I was attracted to her. Additionally, any (negative) side effects of asking her out would be small as we shared no classes etc.

Compare that to the other crushes I had at school that I wanted to act upon but didn't because we had a history and was scared that asking them out would ruin the friendship, or I wasn't part of the crowd to be in a position to date them.

That wasn't really the point of this post. It was the fact that, a few years after we left school and I was out for a few drinks with FP and another school friend (mentioned above) and I was regaling them with the story of me asking out this girl. And it turns out that the girl wasn't new to school at all. She had joined at the same time that I had, and yet, over four years of school, she never once registered with me at all until that one random day in the corridor.

That's what popped into my head earlier when I came across photos of the crush both from school and from the reunion. I'd actually completely forgotten about the phone call as well.

Oh la la.

Continuing with my pandemic TV bingeing, I'm up to the fifth season of Arrow on Amazon Prime. Who should pop up but old "Baby Needs" favourite Lexa Doig.

Just things...

I know I've said it before, but I am binge watching old Community and it's scary how often Alison Brie, as Annie, resembles CH. It's much more obvious than the glimpses of QC2.

Nothing more to say on that, just thought I'd share.

Chilly

I woke this morning with FA2 on my mind. Not, as is usually the case when I wake thinking of someone, due to a dream, but it had something to do with the time of year. The mornings are bright, but it's not yet gotten warm, so there's still a distinct chill in the air.

It reminded me of the period, before we officially started dating, where I'd stay over at FA2's the very odd night at the weekend. I believe it was around this time of year that we first slept together - it was an Easter Saturday.

Waking in FA2's, when it was bright but cold, and FA2 would sleepily cuddle up to me for warmth. That's what was on my mind this morning.

Random musings.

I've no idea what algorithm Tinder uses or how it works behind the scenes, but in the middle of a global pandemic with no real end in sight (we could be self-isolating in May or even June at least) I have to wonder why people still seem to be using Tinder.

Of course, the irony is that I can only comment on it because I have been browsing it as well. That how I know, for example, that Attractive Neighbour is active again. Yes, I swiped right, but if we do match, then what?

Six weeks of chat? A semi-irresponsible date where were 3 feet/1 metre apart at all times?

That would be just my luck - get a match, swap some messages, hit it off, go for a walk where we're three feet apart at all time and find that we're amazingly attracted to each other.

It's unlikely, of course. I've swiped right on AN loads of times with no match ever being made. Why would this time be any different?

Random Thoughts

Every now and again KfW2, somewhat wistfully, comments on a short tartan skirt that she used to own.

This is before my time... possibly even before KfW2 originally crossed my path back in late 2004. I think I'd certainly remember if I saw KfW2 in a short skirt.

I was prompted to remember this due to a picture of Alison Brie in a short tartan skirt from a film called "Sleeping with other People". I've not seen the film, so can't comment on whether it's any good or not.

But, for the record, here's the picture:

Not the greatest quality, but Ms Brie looks as good as ever.

Actually, do I remember the now-homeless pornstar Jenni Lee wearing a short tartan skirt? I think I do, you know.

Taste Test (Part 2)

I made the smoothie this morning with my morning coffee and bunged it in the fridge for a few hours (the smoothie that is, not my coffee). I had a noon meeting, so just before I dialled in, I grabbed the drink from the fridge and drank it during the meeting - about 30 minutes or so.

It's just under two hours after I finished the drink and I feel hungry. Not good.

Taste test.

My food situation is in a state of flux. I have enough food and ingredients to make dinners for at least a week, but breakfast and lunch stuff is now non-existent until I get myself to a shop.

With that in mind, I've mixed my first food shake (mentioned in this post).

It's... interesting. I've gone for chocolate and vanilla, and mixed my first chocolate shake. I wouldn't say that it tastes like chocolate, and it smells like Weetabix or Shredded Wheat or something. Definitely not chocolatey.

The taste itself is not unpleasant, though it is a lot sweeter than I anticipated. Bearing that in mind, I may struggle having this for lunch every day. It will probably work as originally intended, an emergency meal replacement over the next month or so. I will see if there are any suggestions online for improving the taste.

I have enough, apparently, for about 35 meals (400 calories each), so at just over a quid a go, that's not bad, bearing in mind that if I am in the office, I spend upwards of £7 on lunch alone.

Only time will tell if I go back for a repeat purchase.

Just... stuff.

I'm lucky. I work in an industry where I can work from home, where my firm is still busy and we will come out the other side relatively unscathed. I can still work, be productive (I'm probably classified as a key worker within my organisation).

But I have been thinking of my friends who are at risk, who have been impacted by the pandemic - hospitality workers, self-employed, retailers.

I hope that they're all doing well and that, as best it can, life is treating them well.

Here we go again.

KfW2 phoned this morning. She had literally left my house the night before when Boris Johnson, our Prime Minister, effectively locked down the country. We chatted. Eventually the conversation circled round to work and by extension Stalky Guy.

Stalky Guy's continued negativity and fear of change, which seems ingrained into his psyche, is really wearing me down.

Today we were asked to investigate something. It's not easy, but it could be something that works its way up to our CEO. So, it's an opportunity you'd be stupid to ignore for a few days worth of work.

But, no.

Hours of constant negativity, sighing, complaining and I'd have enough. I was going to snap again. Luckily, it was also clocking off time.

However, I get to do it all again tomorrow. Yay!

Ring, ring.

CC called.

Would I like to go for a walk, outdoors?

Even as someone who usually spends a lot of time alone and am somewhat used to isolation, I've got cabin fever, so a trip outside would be brilliant.

It was a nice, sunny though chilly day out, so we went to a local park, grabbed a coffee, had a chat then did a few laps of the park before returning to the coffee shop and sitting for a bit and coming home. I was only out of the house for 90 minutes, but that's all I've been out of the house in the past nine days.

CC is still not well. There are physical problems, stomach-related, as well as her ongoing mental health issues. And KfW2 was right, CC has lost a lot of weight.

The important thing is that at least CC is now leaving the house and talking to people. I've had an open offer out to her for months, but this is the first time she's taken me up on it. Hopefully, she'll call more often and we can do coffee or go for a walk - the only thing s we really can do during the COVID-19 situation.

talky... type-y.

Despite having to work remotely, I've still been in semi-regular contact with Quiet Girl. Most of it is work-related, but we do branch off into some non-work talk.

She has a communication style that I couldn't quite put my finger on, until just there. She reminds me of E, or rather, E's communication. E is very factual and concise, completely unlike her sister or KfW2, for example.

And that applies to QG (CC as well, now that I think about it) - all are succinct and... what's the best way to describe it... dry? Probably how people view my communications, if I am being honest.

Remember?

My phone pinged earlier to let me know it's five years to the day where Sports Girl and I became Facebook friends.

What a roller coaster ride that was.

Ring, ring.

CC called earlier for a chat. This is the first proper chat we've had in months - we've swapped text messages, but nothing more. I've tried to encourage CC to come out, to visit me, but she's been battling her own demons. I think she's turned a corner and we could actually meet next week. I think she's tentatively thinking about a return to work soon. The COVID-19 problem is causing her some anxiety I think. I offered to talk with her, to be with her if she needed it. Only time will tell if she takes me up on that offer.

And so it begins.

KfW2 is reporting cold-like symptoms but importantly, no fever. However, in the interests of safety, I should self-isolate.

I pretty much am already - I live alone and have few visitors barring delivery guys.

Still... when it's forced upon you, it feels more oppressive.

Planning

I've been trying to plan out my grocery shopping a bit more, with the imminent lockdown. My guess is that we'll be asked to stay at home for around six weeks.

Both online and personal shopping at Tesco is proving troublesome. I'm getting bits and pieces but probably not as much as I would like.

I've gone for a backup plan to help that problem: Huel a meal replacement drink, According to the website "Huel Powder is a nutritionally complete meal that contains the right amount of protein, essential fats, carbohydrates, fibre, and all 26 essential vitamins & minerals."

I bought enough to cover 35 meals. Even as a backup option, I hope it tastes nice.

Timing

KfW2 rang.

Was I in the house?

I was.

Did I want some visitors?

I did, as a matter of fact.

She arrived twenty minutes later.

She said "hi" and then...

"We need to have a boozy night out to the pub."

You have to admire the timing of it - practically three years to the day since our last outing and we're within days of the entire country shutting down due to COVID-19, possibly for a few months at least.

Still, I agreed with her that we need a night out. It's not like I was going to disagree, was I? However, that's not going to happen for at least a few months... and who knows what will change in the interim?

And so it begins...

My boss has been in touch to say that we're now in lock down mode. Any employee who can work from home, should WFH for the foreseeable future. The rest will be sorted within the next few days as we complete other preparations and by the end of the week, our entire company will be working from home - that's roughly two and a half thousand people.

Semi-drunken thoughts.

Over the past few weeks, I've been binge watching Arrow on Prime. And one thing I've noticed is that the word "father" is a word that must be almost never used in real life.

The amount of times I've called my male parent "father": 0

The amount of times I've called my male parent "dad": thousands.

The amount of times I recall "dad" being used in 'Arrow': 0

The amount of times I recall "dad" being used in 'Arrow': Every time the male parent is mentioned

Y'know. Just sayin'

Also... I may have had a few beers.

Flip Flop

I was meant to be doing KfW2 a favour tomorrow - babysitting while she goes to a family thing - but it's literally been called off.

As it happens, FP has just been in contact and I've arranged to meet him for drinks tomorrow.

I was looking forward to doing KfW2 that favour, so I am kinda bummed, but I haven't seen FP in what seems like ages, so that's a positive.

I'm looking forward to it already.

Sometimes I wonder.

Last year, when I was talking to one of my managers about a promotion the subject of attitude came up.

My boss suggested that attitude played a big part in getting a promotion.

"Really?" I queried. "You think it's that important?" I was reeling him in.

"Of course! You need a specific mindset do get ahead."

"So, if someone comes in, only does their job and fucks off home at 5 PM, would you say that's a good attitude?"

"I'd prefer if people didn't do that" he said. A politician's answer.

"Well, Brusque Guy does that and he seems to be very well thought of despite his obvious interpersonal skills" I offered.

"He's good at his job, " explained the manager.

"Well, yes, but we're all good at our jobs. You're talking about something that's meant to set a great employee aside from a decent one. Someone who's going to get promoted. By your own admission, Brusque Guy doesn't meet your own expectations."

Manager changed tack.

"You have to be forward thinking, positive, looking for solutions."

"So if someone is inherently negative, unwilling to change, not able to look to the future and overly cautious, then that's bad?" Manager looked uncomfortable. He knew I'd cornered him again.

"If that's the case, and I agree with you that we should be positive, forward thinking and all that, then you need to look at who's been promoted over the past few years versus who hasn't. People have looked elsewhere for opportunities because people who clearly don't fit your criteria are getting the nod."

I was referencing KfW2 (who had actually moved departments) and myself (who had applied for other jobs but not gotten them).

So fast forward to today. I snapped at Stalky Guy for being inflexible, overly cautious and making a big deal out of nothing because it involved change. It wasn't just today though. He's been repeating the same thing for the past five weeks as we've been involved in a highly visible and technical project.

No, I don't want to check this for the FIFTH FUCKING TIME. Yes, I know it has the potential to delete everything, but we've done our checks, let's just get it fucking done. Yes, I know you think this is scary - you've said this a dozen times a day for weeks.

"Do you want to...?" He leads his sentences with this. He means that he wants to do it this way.

"Do YOU want to?"

"I asked you."

"No, let's just get on with it"

"It's scary"

"You're scared of everything FFS, Stalky Guy. Let's just get this done."

And off he went in a sulk. Fucking man child. Two hours later, as I was leaving the office, he was still sulking. This man is meant to be a leader for fuck sake.

Gin O'Clock

There's been a lot of talk about gin on my Facebook feed with KfW2 and others due to a picture I shared... an old picture from my last night out with KfW2 that I posted about a few days ago.

It reminded me of a night out that I had with FBS many years ago. We were due to have a big night out with BW, FBS and a few other people, all arranged last minute. Then BW called to say that he couldn't make it. And when I turned up to the bar, only FBS was there.

She explained that another of our mutual friends had cancelled on her.

I smelt a rat. Regardless, FBS and I had a decent evening and I introduced her to the delights of gin and tonic. We got drunk, danced a bit, watched the band and went back to hers, whereupon she showed me a photo album of her in her younger days and gave me a bit of an insight into her life.

I stayed over, but when I got home the next day, BW was instantly on the phone wondering what happened between us. I gave away little.

Unsurprisingly, BW admitted that he and the others had gone elsewhere and it had been a ploy to get me and FBS out alone. We'd already slept together at that point, so this wasn't anything new to us, though only a couple of people knew or suspected. This was the beginning of the end though, when I started to suspect that FBS was holding out for more than just FwB.

However, I don't think this had been FBS's idea, this was a mis-guided attempt by friends to get us together.

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

KfW2 rocked into work this morning with a new hairdo. It was short... well, just about shoulder length. She usually wears it longer - shoulder blade length.

I asked had she gotten her hair done. I was pretty sure, but my memory isn't what it was.

She said that she had.

"You don't like it" she said, accusingly.

"On the contrary, I think it really suits you. I was surprised you got it done after your hubby complained the last time you got your hair cut short."

"It was his idea actually!" she beamed.

"He needs to make up his mind," I joked "but I like it."

"I'm not sure I do though" she said.

We had a similar conversation years ago, the last time she had short hair (though it was even shorter back then if I recall... almost like a bob).

Memories

So, right about now, three years ago, KfW2 arrived in the restaurant for what was, as of now, our last adult night out. I don't think we'll have another, if I am being honest. I am tired of making the suggestion.

In the interim, she has made new friends due to her kids starting school. She's had nights out with those guys, which is understandable, but still frustrating.

It's kind of ironic that on our last night out, KfW2 made me promise that if I met someone, we'd not stop being friends or lose touch. And yet, in my view, that's what she's done.

*hic*

A quick post. I'm in the pub. Daytime drinking is brilliant, sitting having a few drinks with a couple of co-workers and ex-colleagues watching the world pass by is just so enjoyable.

Sigh.

Despite getting the promotion and as good a pay rise as I could hope for, I'm still not happy in work. Stalky Guy continues to prove to be a frustrating co-worker. He's fastidious, to a fault. He's overly risk averse and even the slightest setback is deemed, loudly and vocally to be "a disaster". Additionally, he's resistant to change, which is a challenge in the ever-changing industry in which we work. This man is still several levels higher than I am, and the manager has already implied that Stalky Guy will be given the opportunity to perform well this year.

The thing is, in order to perform well, Stalky Guy needs to change his entire personality. And as a man in his forties, he's not going to do that.