Things that make you go "hmmm"...

Hot on the heels of my sex dream featuring CC a few days back, I had another one last night. This time it featured KfW2. Maybe calling it a sex dream is a bit much, but it did involve KfW2 and I being in a relationship. Sex wasn't the focus of the dream, though there were scenes where we were in bed, naked, and sex was implied. The focus was KfW2 trying to get me to open up, to communicate and to vocalise my feelings for her.

However, no matter how many times I told her that I loved her, she couldn't hear it or refused to acknowledge that I'd said the words. 

While CC's appearance in a sex dream was bemusing, KfW2's appearance is causing a little more confusion. I know that sex dreams aren't literal, but that still doesn't stop me from being concerned about KfW2's appearance in last night's dream.

In real life, KfW2 has made a couple of comments about the fact I've not told her that I love her as much as she thinks I should. Maybe it's just me, but while I have said it to her and meant it, telling someone else's wife that I love them on a regular basis, even platonically, doesn't sit right with me.

My friendship with KfW2 is very special to me, it's extremely important to me and I know that it's not something that's common: a single guy being close to a married woman. I know people have raised eyebrows that we've gone to the pub and gotten drunk together or that I've stayed overnight at her house while her husband was away. I'm not even talking about strangers who barely know us but people who've met us both, like CH, for example. 

I know CH was always intrigued by my friendship with KfW2, specifically that it was very much a two-way friendship and that KfW2 was as much a driver for us doing dinner and drinks as I was. This was obviously in stark contrast to my friendship with CH. My brother-in-law was surprised when I'd said that I'd been at KfW2's one evening for drinks while her husband was out with his friends, and he didn't return home until lunchtime the next day. 

So, yeah, I love that KfW2 wants me to tell her that I love her even if it doesn't always sit right with me, because it reminds me that she cares.

But really, the events in the dream better mirror my relationship with FA2. We weren't great communicators, though FA2 might argue that she was (she wasn't). I didn't vocalise my feelings towards her as often as she wanted, though from my perspective, I always thought my actions should have said enough. She needed to hear the words though. And one aspect of the dream rang true: I did say the words. She claims I never did.

It's safe to say that I'm a little confused this morning, the dream has thrown me a little, and I miss KfW2. 

Cooking up a storm.

Years ago, in the early stages of dating FA2, she decided to move house. That prompted two things: firstly, an unspoken agreement that we had to "christen" every room in her house and secondly, and most obvious, that she needed to do a clear out and pack.

As part of the clear out piece, we were doing her kitchen and I marvelled at how much foodstuff in her cupboards was out of date - mainly cooking ingredients like spices etc. I'm pretty sure I scoffed at her for having things that were ten years old in her cupboard.

Well, luckily no-one was around when I binned off a lot of stuff earlier today. Like FA2, a lot of spices etc. but also a lot of dried foods: rice, lentils etc. and cooking kits.

Hopefully, though, once the next few phases of house upgrades are complete, I'll have a better kitchen that will allow me to do more cooking. I do enjoy cooking, I just don't have the space currently to get into it properly.

And, yes, we did christen every single room in her house... many times over as it turned out. 

Saturday Night... what?

A bit of a weird dream last night. Most of the details are gone, but it featured FA2, KfW2 and random stuff like being backstage at Saturday Night Live, with the cast and guest stars. FA2 and KfW2 seemed to know each other and be friendly and that sparked some jealousy on my part, but most of the other details are gone.

A two-fer.

For the past two nights, FA2 has featured in dreams. In Sunday night's dream, I was in the city where she lives and I was looking for her, but I never found her. In last night's dream, I was working in her city, but with my current workmates. On a work night out, she comes into the bar where we're drinking and I explain our history to my colleagues.

I've not thought about FA2 in a while, so featuring in two dreams in a row is interesting.

Cuddle up

While the Easter weekend is memorable for a lot of reasons - mainly afternoons spent in bars, trying to get around the archaic local licensing laws, probably the most prominent memory is sleeping with FA2 for the first time.

I don't know if that played into my waking memory this morning, but I woke thinking about FA2, about waking beside FA2. But not for sex, just to cuddle and chat. I've undoubtedly posted before about missing that kind of physical contact and how much I am touch starved, but there's something to be said about waking beside someone, cuddling and chatting.

Provocation?

I was reading Reddit earlier and a post in a Men's sub asked the question about turning down an attractive friend.

I instantly thought of the evening that E3 kissed me, at the end of M's birthday party. What I didn't put together until today were the parallels between that evening and the first night I kissed FA2.

On the evening I first kissed FA2, I was out with another group of people that included FA1. FA1 and I had a bit of chemistry, but I could never tell if that was translated into actual romantic interest. BW was meant to be out, but there was no sign of him when we all met in the early evening. Eventually BW turned up, with FA2, nearly three hours after the rest of us had met. By that time, I'd been chatting to FA1 for a while. I'd ruled out any interest on her part due to the fact she'd recently started dating a new guy. But as I said, we'd always had chemistry, so the conversation flowed easily, and that was how BW and FA2 found me, deep in conversation to the point of being oblivious to anyone else around us.

At M's birthday party, while there was a group of old school friends in attendance: G,BR,E3 and others, I was being more of a social butterfly. I was chatting to some of MM's friends, including MMBF who was looking mighty fine in one of her figure hugging dresses. There was a bit of low-key flirting going on. Both M and MM knew that I had a bit of interest in her, but I think we all agreed that we probably weren't suited from a personality perspective. On more than one occasion, MM's friends had me on the dance floor.

There are strong similarities in both nights - me being fully engaged with other, attractive, women. So, it struck me earlier. Was it my behaviour with MMBF and FA1 that prompted E3 and FA2 to make their moves? Another similarity was that I didn't see a lot of E3 or FA2 at that point (that changed with FA2 after this night though).

Itchy feet again.

Off the back of the memory that I blogged about a few days ago about a past tryst, I found myself looking at the photos I took of my second trip to New Zealand, back in 2008. E lived there at the time, and she was the primary reason for going back out. I deliberately didn't contact FA2 when I went out. E still lives there, actually, and I'm always tempted to go back out. But part of me wants to try somewhere new.  I'm still tempted by New York, but there are obvious reasons I don't really want to go there at this moment in time.

Circling.

It seems to be that a memory or a blog post prompts other memories, these days. This time, it's FA2 and QC3. I think I've mentioned before that QC3 and I were attracted to each other. We both knew it, but we never acted upon it. I don't know that I ever regarded her as girlfriend material, but I did want to have sex with her. However, the timing was bad.

Around the time that our mutual attraction became apparent, QC3 was ready to move away, to Glasgow. One night, after a night out where I bumped into QC3 and her friend, I slept at QC1's, in her bed. Nothing happened between us that night, but shortly afterwards I think QC1 admitted to D that she wanted something to happen.

In the remaining time, maybe three or four weeks, while we saw plenty of each other, it was always in group company. We never thought of going on a date or going out without anyone else, I think we were each expecting the other to make the first move. On the eve of QC3 actually moving, we managed the grand total of one kiss, while we were out with D and he was at the bar or in the toilet.

I did visit her a few months later, we did share a bed, we were both naked and cuddling when I woke but I don't think we slept together. I returned home and we never spoke of it again.

About a month later, the thing with FA2 started and that was it.

QC3 lasted about a year in Glasgow, possibly slightly less, before she returned home by which time I was dating FA2. I'll be honest, I never really stopped wanting to fuck QC3 even when I was dating FA2, but I was dating FA2, so I never made any moves. 

FA2 and QC3 saw each other a bit - I was still going for drinks with D etc. and QC3 was our friend. I think FA2 suspected something, she seemed more keen to get to know QC3 than anyone else. But I don't think she heard about our orbiting from anyone else. I had been upfront about fucking FBS, the night FA2 and FBS met each other.

But that's a long-winded story about QC3 who kick started my thing with pierced belly buttons. I'd seen it loads of times. She also had a ring of tattoos around her navel and a super flat stomach. She wore plenty of crop tops to show off her midriff long before any attraction between us. It wasn't just about that one time seeing her naked.

But I'd never admitted to FA2 that it was QC3 who started that appreciation, but I do wonder if FA2 got her belly button pierced because she thought (correctly) I wanted to fuck QC3, and QC3 had piercings and tattoos.

(I think I also was influential in FA2 getting a tattoo a few years later - I had always said that I wanted to get one done, but could never find a design that I liked. We had split up by that stage, though.)

Ring, ring.

Following on from yesterday's early morning memory of FBS, I had a similar memory this morning of FA2. I slept well last night, but I dreamed of FA2 in some capacity, though I can't remember what. However, the memory in question was a Saturday afternoon. FA2 had gone out shopping. For reasons that I can't remember, I wasn't with her. I might have been playing football.

Anyway, I remember FA2 arriving home and me helping her into the house with the shopping. As I closed the front door with the last of the shopping, FA2 kissed me.

"I got myself a present, but I think you'll like it," she grinned.

"Show me, show me!"

She pulled up her jumper to reveal a newly-pierced belly button, a ring. I've always been a fan, and FA2 knew this. I wasted no time in taking FA2 upstairs for some adult time fun where I spent a lot of time looking and playing with her new piercing. 

She'd never voiced any interest in getting her navel pierced, so I was always dubious about whether it was done for her or me. I had, however, expressed an appreciation of it (that might have been kickstarted by QC3). However, I never asked her about it and I enjoyed it while it lasted. She had it removed about a month later because she was allergic to the metal in the ring and never got it replaced. 

Whaaaaat?

I think I might have had an interesting dream last night. FA2 featured. I think sex with FA2 featured. But CH also featured. A heavily pregnant CH. I don't know what the context is around CH's presence in this dream. But the FA2 aspect was, if my memory isn't playing tricks on me, a semi-memory kinda thing. A recollection of some of the lusty afternoon sex we would typically have at the weekends.

Well, I say "lusty" but that wasn't FA2's thing. "Lustier" is probably more accurate. I'd be a little more energetic in these sessions than I would be first thing in the morning or at night.

but still... pregnant CH? 

Cuddle up.

Semi-broken sleep last night, but I woke with a sense of something... not intangible, but vague. I know how I felt this morning, so while there was a vague thought (I don't think it was dream-related) of FA2, FBS and a couple of others not named on this blog, it wasn't about them specifically.

The thought I woke to was being under the covers, in bed, cuddling with a woman while the room was cold. Fairly specific, don't you think? Well, that's kinda where I was this morning, sans naked woman for cuddling. The bed was warm, the room was cold. But it was the missing part that provoked the reaction. I miss that. I wanted that this morning.

Zzzz

Another semi-remembered dream from last night, but the details are long gone. FA2 might have featured, but in what capacity, I really couldn't tell you. I don't think it was sexual.

This isn't a post about the dream itself but more that I've more dreams, or I've remembered more dreams, over the past few days than in the past six months combined.

Is it related to quality of sleep? I've slept really well since buying the new mattress, despite the back pain. But it's not been great over the past week. A change in the weather and the change in clocks maybe?

First time.

I saw this picture of Emma Bunton on Instagram earlier. I'm digging it for a number of reasons - she's an attractive woman, she's in a trouser suit and that mesh top/bra combo is also a winner.

It's the mesh top/bra combo that's prompted this post, though. This was the type of top that FA2 wore the first night we slept together - a green sheer top with green Wonderbra. It wasn't the type of thing that FA2 usually wore.

Out of the blue. Well, green.

In a meeting earlier, while bored, I randomly thought of the night I first slept with FA2. I can't remember if I blogged about it before, but I'd be surprised if I hadn't.

I was out with school friends. BW, for some reason, invited out FA2. FA2 turned up wearing her "I'm going to get it" outfit. All that really meant was jeans, a see-through green blouse and a green Wonderbra. We'd had a previous conversation where she explained that's what she would wear to make an impression on a guy.

We'd already spent many hours on her sofa making out at this stage, but I still didn't grasp that the person she wanted to make an impression on was me. At least not until that night where she dragged me upstairs back at her place.

Anyway, I genuinely don't know why that random thought popped into my head at 2:30 PM  this afternoon... but it did.

Just stuff.

FA2 featured in a dream last night. I don't recall exact details, but I was travelling. I was in New Zealand, I think, and generally pottering about. FA2 was with me but I don't really recall why.

And maybe K featured too. I don't remember any details of the dreamt hat featured K, but for some reason she was on my mind when the alarm went off this morning.

Heh.

I was trawling through some old emails earlier. I was looking for something related to FA2, though I can't actually remember what it was now. But I came across an email conversation with USHW that involved me making animal noises, which brought a smile. I'll not share the context.

Break up.

I'm slowly starting to adapt to the mattress. I'm falling asleep quicker (though the past few days have seen me out and about, working in the office which has really taken it out of me). But I'm waking around 530 AM and not really falling asleep again.

Anyway, I had a dream last night that featured FA2. In it, we were dating, but I was trying to break it off with her as gently as I could, but every time I tried to have that conversation, she would seduce me. I woke before any kind of resolution but I've not thought about FA2 in ages.

However, as I was typing the above, it came to me that this Friday is the anniversary of our becoming an item. We went to a bar, had a few drinks, ended up back at hers, I stayed over and we had "the chat" the next morning before going for another round or two.

We always disagreed on the date. She said it was the Friday, when we went back to her place and had sex. It had been building up to it all week, mind you. In my head, it was the Saturday, once we had "the chat".

Did I know that subconsciously? Is that why I had that particular dream?

Let's fricking go!

I had a dream about FA2 last night. It took place over a long time - a few years - and it seemed that FA2 and I circled around each other, occasionally having sex then ghosting each other, only to repeat this every few months. We were both seriously into each other. We'd meet up because we had stuff to talk about and were each other's emotional support, but we'd never fully commit to each other.

Weird.

In other news, I've had a few nights of really good sleep and for the first time this year, I've woken up feeling fully refreshed and ready to go.

Weird.

My sleep was awful last night, I was tossing and turning all night and there were dreams. I can't remember if it was a single dream or a few that I've merged into one. One part of it was that my dad and I survived a bus crash into the ocean and we were doing the rounds on American talk shows for some reason. 

The other two were sex-related and both featured FA2. One was a semi-memory of FA2 collecting me after work one Friday afternoon, getting back to her place then me marching her upstairs to her bedroom because I had been thinking about her all day long and was incredibly horny. The other was not related to anything I've done in real life and involved group sex. Well, maybe not group sex, but FA2 and I having sex on a huge bed while two other couples fucked alongside us. That's not something that I am interested in, in real life.

I've no idea how the dream ended due to waking up every hour or so because of the back and muscle pain.

What?

While I definitely had a dream last night, the actual details had already faded by the time I woke up earlier. My parents featured in it, as did FA2 and, I think, KfW2, though how or why escapes me. I did wake feeling in a really good mood though. Was it because I got a good nights sleep? Was it the content of the dream? Both? Does it matter?