Hmmm.

In the space of a few hours, both M an Quiet Girl have suggested they might not go to the Sunday afternoon gig in CB Pub with my favourite local band. Well, to be perfectly accurate, M has directly said that he won't be going due to his MM double-booking him for a birthday BBQ.

Quiet Girl has suggested that, because it's a tickets (i.e. paid) event and because she has guests over, they might not make it either due to price and potentially the guests wanting to sightsee rather than go to a gig.

I said that I'd be there regardless and if she does decide to go, I have a spare ticket courtesy of M's unavailability. 

Dream a little dream.

I woken this morning to a semi-remembered dream. It was something that actually happened: a night out with MM and MMBF. They were out celebrating their birthdays (they were born only a few days apart), and MM messaged me and asked me to join them.

What happened in real life was that we chatted, MMBF added me on Facebook (or was it the other way around?), we moved to a different bar after the girls insisted I do many shots, MMBF went missing for about half an hour before reappearing, then MM and I got a taxi and went home.

In the dream, MMBF got very tactile and when MM suggested getting a taxi home, MMBF made it perfectly clear she wanted me to hang around.

I kinda woke up at that point.

I'd always wondered if MM had any ideas about that evening. M was nowhere to be seen, so it was puzzling why I got an invite out. I'd never been shy with M or MM about saying that I thought MMBF was attractive, though I think we all agreed she was too high maintenance for me. And at least one conversation from that evening was MM trying to talk MMBF into not talking to a guy that MMBF admitted was no good for her. So had she any plans for me and MMBF? She never admitted to anything and I never saw anything from MMBF to think that anything non-platonic was on the cards.

A pleasant start to Monday if nothing else, though. 

Provocation?

I was reading Reddit earlier and a post in a Men's sub asked the question about turning down an attractive friend.

I instantly thought of the evening that E3 kissed me, at the end of M's birthday party. What I didn't put together until today were the parallels between that evening and the first night I kissed FA2.

On the evening I first kissed FA2, I was out with another group of people that included FA1. FA1 and I had a bit of chemistry, but I could never tell if that was translated into actual romantic interest. BW was meant to be out, but there was no sign of him when we all met in the early evening. Eventually BW turned up, with FA2, nearly three hours after the rest of us had met. By that time, I'd been chatting to FA1 for a while. I'd ruled out any interest on her part due to the fact she'd recently started dating a new guy. But as I said, we'd always had chemistry, so the conversation flowed easily, and that was how BW and FA2 found me, deep in conversation to the point of being oblivious to anyone else around us.

At M's birthday party, while there was a group of old school friends in attendance: G,BR,E3 and others, I was being more of a social butterfly. I was chatting to some of MM's friends, including MMBF who was looking mighty fine in one of her figure hugging dresses. There was a bit of low-key flirting going on. Both M and MM knew that I had a bit of interest in her, but I think we all agreed that we probably weren't suited from a personality perspective. On more than one occasion, MM's friends had me on the dance floor.

There are strong similarities in both nights - me being fully engaged with other, attractive, women. So, it struck me earlier. Was it my behaviour with MMBF and FA1 that prompted E3 and FA2 to make their moves? Another similarity was that I didn't see a lot of E3 or FA2 at that point (that changed with FA2 after this night though).

Birthday Season

My Facebook feed is full of upcoming birthdays. I blogged about MMBF (and MM) having recent birthdays. It's my sister's birthday today and it's CH's birthday tomorrow.

I'm always reminded of the evening CH sat on my knee at a work event, was surreptitiously tactile before leaving for her bus home and sending a series of sweet text messages telling me how awesome she thought I was.

And for a brief moment, when I remember that evening, I miss CH. Until I remember how our friendship ended, how she played the victim when I called her out on her flakiness and her general inability to take any kind of criticism.

Great rack, though. 

Also... MMBF posted pics of her birthday weekend, and there's now actual evidence that M's assertion that MMBF is really high maintenance is true.

Time flies.

It was MMBF's birthday yesterday. I have memories of a night when MM invited me out for drinks with her and MMBF and it being a really good night, but that must easily be over ten years ago. I sometimes wonder if MM had ulterior motives, but I never saw any evidence that MMBF was romantically interested in me. I do semi-recall her being quite tactile that night, though. I also recall MM chatting about some guy that was showing interest in MMBF - an ex of some description - and her disapproving of it. But they both asked my advice, which I gave (and MM approved of). 

I had already made some effort at trying to bed MMBF at M and MM's wedding, but again, saw nothing to indicate she was interested in anything, and she left the wedding at the end of the evening despite my invitation to the resident's bar to carry on celebrating.

So, Happy Birthday MMBF. 

 

Missed opportunities.

It was M's wedding anniversary yesterday or Monday. He did mention it on Sunday evening, but I forgot all about it until wedding photos turned up in my Facebook memories today.

I took my own photos but I am disappointed by the lack of photos of MMBF and SBF who were both stunning that day to the point I even made some effort to take things to some level, at least with MMBF. I do have a few of E3, and sometimes I still wonder what might have happened had things turned out differently there instead of her trying to kiss me in full view of all our friends.

Yes, I'm stubborn... and private.

Happy birthday x2

Facebook tells me that it's MMBF's birthday today. And if that's the case, then it was MM's birthday yesterday. That provoked a memory of a night when MM invited me to join her and MMBF in the pub for a drink as they were out celebrating. That must easily be ten years ago now.

MMBF was, as usual, looking great and wearing her typical figure-hugging dress. She always wore those very well. Obviously, months later, I wondered if MM had an ulterior motive for inviting me out. After all, it was just me, MM and MMBF. If I remember correctly, MMBF was very tactile that night. Nothing ever happened and I always assumed it was because she was drunk - MM and MMBF had been taking shots before I arrived down.

But it was a great night.

And here's an MMBF-type dress because I'm feeling visual today.

Tick tock.

I sent M a message about the music thing next week at CB Pub. Did he still fancy it? I was thinking about pre-booking tickets rather than pay on the door.

"I'll have to check with the wife"

Now, I've spoken to MM about M's socialising. She's desperate that he goes out more often. She's very social. So I don't see any reason why this won't happen, but I still have a pessimistic feeling about this. And it'll be M who scuppers the plan, not MM, if it does fall apart.

it's a waiting game now.

While I remember.

I sent M a quick message at lunchtime about meeting for coffee or a drink. I meant to reach out to him after the weekend where G was home recently. He made excuses for not coming out, but I bet the reality was that he was hungover after his Eurovision party. He and MM host them annually and they seem to be drunken, fancy dress affairs.

Actually, now that I think of it, he might be an outside bet for going to see that band I posted about recently at CB Pub.

Let's go!

While my sleep wasn't any better last night than it had been over the past week, I do feel much better, physically. My back's still sore, but not as much as it has been recently. My foot's still sore, but not as much as it had been recently. I wonder if that's directly related to the 3 mile cycle and 2.5 mile walk I did yesterday?

I hope so, because that can be replicated.

Or maybe it was the good weather?

The 2.5 mile walk was me heading to the pub to meet G. The weather was nice here, so we sat outside for a few hours and had a few beers. it's always great catching up with G. He made his usual offer of staying at his if I am ever in London, and I might take him up on that this summer. M didn't make it out. I think he was hungover from a Eurovision party that he and his wife host annually.

Ho hum.

BR's mother passed away at the start of last week and it was her funeral today. It was good to see that BR was in decent form, despite the unfortunate circumstances. I was a little worried about him. He's been a bit fragile, mentally, recently.

It was good seeing old school friends, including G and AM and a few others.

AM, once again, promised to arrange a night out. I'm still waiting for her to do it after FP's funeral. Ho hum. MM asked me, again, to get M out for a drink.

All I can do is ask, I said. If he's no interest, I can do nothing.

But I'll give him a shout after the weekend and see if he's interested in meeting next week or next weekend.

Sleepless nights.

Rather than go for a walk, Nerdy Girl and I went to a local bar and played pool. She's good company, and while I would have preferred a walk, it's at least getting me out of the house.  I've been more social this month than in any other since before the first Covid lockdown. And it turned out to be an eventful few hours where we couldn't decide if the two girls at the table next to us were on a date or not (we eventually decided that they were but there was no chemistry), Nerdy Girl's extremely well-paid new job and other, general, work-related stuff.

What was probably most surprising was that, during the chat about work, I realised that I am extremely unhappy in my current job. I'm not 100% sure about one of my co-workers. He's terse to the point of being rude, and I can't shake the feeling he doesn't like me. That could be true, it could be paranoia. There's also now an on-call requirement for the job that didn't exist last year, and the compensation for that is laughably insulting. There's also the fact that I've been feeling, for the past few years, that it's time to move into something new, rather than the same thing I've been doing for the past 13 years. And potentially some imposter syndrome, as well.

That's carried into today rather than being a fleeting feeling. It might also be a symptom of having really poor sleep this week. Four nights in a row, I've not had a decent night's sleep. It's all dozing, followed by tossing and turning for a while then more dozing. When I'm tired, I am a lot more emotional, so it could be that. Regardless, professionally speaking, I'm not in a good place right now.

Oh, and Nerdy Girl asked me to take one of her friends out on a pity date. We talked through it. I didn't say "yes", but I also didn't say "no" either. I've mentioned before that I don't do blind dates, even though this wasn't a proper date per se but more a practice date like the one MM asked me to do ages ago. From my perspective, it's left up ion the air. I dunno if Nerdy Girl assumes it's a hard "no", but I'll address it if it comes up again.

Back in Time.

So, for the first time in a long time, I can genuinely say that I've done something interesting recently. At the weekend, I was out with KfW2 and we did something interesting and fun. Then we had dinner and drinks.

Last night, I was out at an event with BR, M, MM and others. It was great to see BR and his wife because I've not seen them since pre-Covid times.

Also in attendance were two of BR's friends. One of them, a brunette woman, was someone I had a crush on back in the day. It used to be that when I was working with D, FBS, Friction Guy etc. we would regularly drink in the same bar. I think I've posted before about how we used to bump into QC1 and her friends when we were out.

In fact, it got to the point where if I was passing by and nipped in for a quick pint on my way somewhere else, I'd likely bump into someone I knew. BR's two friends were two such people - they were inseparable. The brunette was quiet, so I found it hard to get a read on her. In fact, it was a random night out with Friction Guy, when we ended up back at their house, drunk, waiting for a taxi, that it transpired that Friction Guy had dated the brunette. And just like that... the crush was gone because I try not to knowingly date someone's, a friend's, ex, even if it wasn't that serious.

But the two girls were out last night, and the brunette is still attractive, many years later.

Oh. Monday Blues.

I don't know if it was the huge amount of gin that I drank on Saturday evening or finally getting the night out with KfW2, some other factor or a combination of everything, but I felt really lonely all day yesterday. I think it's been building for a while, to be honest, but I think getting out with KfW2 was a trigger. A reminder of pre-Covid times, a friend who genuinely cares and a desire to meet someone new.

It was a busy week as well. I was on-call with work, so strictly speaking I had to be within 30 mins of my laptop at any time. That restricted me to an extent, and I had to get a timeout from work specifically for going out with KfW2. That stressed me out somewhat.  The last time something like that happened, it ended up going really badly. The leak in my roof, which I thought had been fixed, came back on Thursday evening. Despite calling the roofer who did the work (it has a 6-month guarantee), I've yet to hear back from him. That's going to fuck with my social anxiety for a while.

However, on the plus side, I'm meeting BR and his wife tomorrow (other people like M and MM could be there, too). I have Friday off work, and I might be out for a few beers on Thursday evening.

I'm still feeling it a bit now, but I don't know how much of that is just Monday Blues.

Argh.

I had a really weird dream last night. It involved M and MM getting married in a seaside town where I used to spend my summers as a kid. All my school friends were there - FP, G, BW, BR etc. But with hours to go, I realised that I left my suit back home. There was then a frantic struggle to find a replacement suit, which was initially successful, but then I couldn't find a shirt and tie to go along with it. Panic ensued.

Along the way, during the suit hunt, I managed to meet three attractive women, all of whom seemed interested in me romantically. Inexplicably, I never managed to find a suitable shirt/tie combo despite an extensive search with the three attractive women. Eventually, I turned up to the church bare-chested and red-faced. I was also too late - M and MM were already leaving the church.

MM was laughing. Then one of the attractive women showed up - she kinda resembled Chloe from before Xmas from what I remember of the dream - with a shirt and tie. I dressed and we all went off to party at the CB Bar which wasn't in my hometown in the dream but had been transported to the seaside town.

Suffice it to say, I woke up this morning somewhat stressed about the suit hunt aspect and not feeling positive but frustrated about meeting an attractive woman part.

Small World (Part whatever)

When MM had a "big" birthday maybe about seven years ago now, I seem to recall that I spent a semi-drunken night chatting to an attractive, interesting blonde woman. It eventually transpired that she was married, so I never made a move, but she's always come over for a chat when we've bumped into each other, socially.

It may come as no surprise when I say that she popped up in someone else's Facebook photos today. Neither woman has a blog name, but they are real-life friends with MM and KfW2 respectively.

No other reason for the post other than to call out how often this kind of coincidence happens to me.

Pondering.

Today MMBF gets married. I did wonder, this morning, if MM or M himself ever tried to set us up. If they did, they've never admitted to it, though there were a few occasions where I did get the feeling that they were sounding me out.

Physically, I think she's attractive, and I never made any secret of that to M. However, from a non-physical perspective, she's high maintenance (according to M) which would put me off, and I think I said as much to M as well.

MM never said anything that I can remember, but she did make a point of inviting me out when it was just her and MMBF.

While nothing ever came of it, if I do assume that they were trying something, then this is exactly the way I'd like it to be. No pressure, just get two people together and see what happens.

I did, though, make a bit of an effort at M and MM's wedding, but saw no sign that she was interested back.

MMBF has posted a picture on Facebook. She's blonde these days, which is not a good look for her, in my opinion. She's naturally a brunette, at least I think she is. The B in MMBF is 'brunette' and which suits her much better.

Here's hoping MM or QC2 post pictures later.

Woah!

MMBF is getting married on Friday! I found this out from M, who came out with myself and G for drinks tonight.

I had a great night out with G and M. I don't see them as often as I should, but we always click. The chat is good but the banter is better, even after all these years. It's always been the case.

I mentioned to M that he might seek out QC2. She might be at the wedding and she's good fun. M didn't sound as if he was a big fan of MMBF's fiancé. I don't think M knows him, but whatever information he's getting back from MM isn't great.

More semi-random pondering.

Facebook reminded me today that it's M and MM's 9th wedding anniversary. Which means it's roughly a week away from the anniversary one of my much-missed catch-ups with QC2, and her excitedly telling me that we had a mutual friend: MMBF.

I'd also tested the waters with both SBF and MMBF that day, seeing if there was anything there that might prompt a more serious attempt at nailing down a date, but I saw nothing to indicate that that was an option... at least with MMBF. SBF left for too early to have gotten her alone to investigate properly, but maybe that was a sign in itself?

It didn't go unnoticed by G that I had spent some time dancing with SBF and MMBF, both of whom were unknown to him, so when we met for drinks a few nights later, before he returned home, he was very inquisitive. He never questioned me also dancing a lot with E3, which got interesting a few months later at M's birthday. 

I also woke this morning with FA2 on my mind, specifically the "night" we became an item. Night is in quotes because we always disagreed on when we actually became an item. We had circled around each other for months, and we'd slept together a couple of times but I'd kept her at arm's length partly because she was a friend of a friend (BW), partly because she was recently separated and partly because I was unsure what I wanted.

It took AM to chat to me and make me realise that this was more than something physical, and that FA2 wanted more than something physical too. However, she had grown tired of waiting for me to make a move/make up my mind and had been on a few dates with a friend of FP's.

"You have to tell her" advised AM.

I called her one Friday night, just after she had returned from a date with FP's friend and invited her out for a drink. We needed to chat, I offered.  Strangely, she agreed.

The next night, we met in a bar and before I had a chance to speak, she said:

"I can't date FP's friend any more!"

We talked through it. She wasn't 100% comfortable with him. Not that she felt unsafe or anything, but more that he was a bit of a wheeler dealer and that didn't sit well with her though to the best of my knowledge, he wasn't into anything illegal. She was going to break it off with him, she decided.

I offered to take her out for a drink once she had. She decided she would do it on the Thursday night, so I offered drinks and maybe dinner the next night. I think even at that point, we both knew that we'd end up in bed together and that this wasn't a friend offering support but an actual date, even if it was unsaid.

FA2 did break up with FP's friend on the Thursday and called round afterwards. She was devastated. I don't think it was the first time she'd dumped someone and this was only after about four dates, but it hit her hard.

Just over twenty four hours later though, we were back at FA2's after dinner and drinks, and she was leading me up the stairs to her room. We had sex that night and first thing in the morning. That's when FA2 declared us to be an item and I agreed, and we had more sex to "celebrate" that decision/realisation between us.

And weirdly, for seemingly no reason, that's what was on my mind this morning when I woke up.

Rewind (Part 2)

I've continued to go through some of the old chat logs that I've found again, this time a little more recent than 2004... 2010! Specifically, 2010 and chatting to DSC. While I knew that I had said to her about finding her friend attractive, I couldn't recall any details... but I've been quite direct in the chats - appreciating DSC's friend's rack, suggesting we (myself and DSC's friend) hook up the next time we arrange a night out etc. When our conversations had substance and she wasn't just bitching about her useless boyfriend, DSC and I had some decent chat and covered some decent topics.

She was very supportive in my online dating journey, but couldn't understand how she was getting dozens of messages every day and I was getting, if I was lucky, one a month. Like KfW2, she just didn't really understand how my experiences were different and how, if I did online dating for any length of time, it really got me down.

Hooking up with DSC's friend never happened, though I do know of at least one time that DSC suggested to her friend that we get horizontal. There was a reference to a photo of DSC's friend, so I went off to Facebook to refresh my memory and got sidetracked down another rabbit hole, this time photos and a realisation (as I'd completely forgotten) of the year that MM and MMBF came out for my birthday.

I've only scratched the surface of the chat logs. I bet there are loads of memories buried in there.