Things that make you go "hmmmm".

I mean to post this yesterday, but I was having a lazy day and watching Star Wars, so wasn't thinking about blogging. The night out on Friday was OK. I wasn't as social as I would have liked, but I was, at least, out of the house for a few hours. Stalky Guy is not great company, either.

One point of interest was that there was a girl from work in the bar. That in itself is not unusual, it was a work event after all. But our paths have crossed before. I can't recall if I blogged about it, but she came on to me at one of our Christmas parties, years ago. She's an attractive, tall women, and I did actually pick up on her interest, but let her down gently partly because she was drunk and partly because I was surrounded by work people.

It was years ago, so I doubt she remembers. But the rumours in work are that our teams will soon merge, so I could be working alongside her more regularly.

Happy Star Wars Day!

I love Star Wars. I watch the films frequently and some of the TV shows are great, too. I've still got a Star Wars Lego set from years ago that FA2 bought me for my birthday. And I have great memories of going to watch The Phantom Menace in the cinema when it was first released back in '99. I don't think she "got" it though.

So, yeah, it's Star Wars Day (May the Fourth by with you, in case you were wondering what the connection was), so have a couple of picture of attractive Cosplayer LeeAnna Vamp making some Star Wars characters look sexy. It's all about the midriff.

Wanderlust.

I've been watching a Twitch streamer do a bike trip through Albania and it's not done anything to get rid of the feeling of wanting to travel, to go somewhere hot and sunny that I had a few days ago and listed in this post.

So, yeah, that. CC is a potential travel companion, but we have different ideas about what travel mean. For me, it's exploring. for her, it's lying on a beach.

Hmmm.

Out with Stalky Guy later today. I can't say that I'm looking forward to it given his last outing, but he's a means to an end. Company for a trip into the real world for a work event. Chances are, it'll be wrapped up early... probably no later than 9 PM, but it'll be nice to get out.

Lookalike, again.

Back in the day when I was in regular contact/conversation with USHW, I would share any potential women of interest that I saw on the online dating apps, like Tinder, for example. I might even grab a picture and send them to USHW too.

One of the women, that captured my interest and would pop into my feed every now and again was an attractive and interesting looking blonde woman. I swipe right every time I see her, though we've never matched, sadly.

I was browsing the web last night and came across an article on the band Wet Leg. They're excellent, by the way. But the thing that stood out for me was the resemblance between Wet Leg member Hester Chambers and the girl from the online dating apps.

I've not seen the blonde woman on the online dating apps in ages... probably well over a year, sadly.

Arrangement.

Well, KfW2 finally got back to me late last night, after some prodding. Of course, there's the obvious frustration... if I hadn't prodded, would she have told me? Or at least told me in a timely manner so that I could make my own arrangements for the weekend?

It's a moot point, and I'm glad she did, when she did. So I can make those arrangements with Stalky Guy for our monthly work thing. I don't particularly want to socialise with SG, but he is a means to an end for getting out of the house for a few hours to see some fresh faces.

Cheers.

In the middle of the afternoon, earlier today, and I was struck by a, well, I dunno what I would call it. It felt like a combination of memory, a daydream and a craving. And it was over a warm summer's evening, it's around 8 or 9 PM and I'm at a bar with friends, sitting outside, just having a chill beer and enjoying good company. It's a foreign vibe, though not necessarily requiring travel.

I want one of those now, so, so badly.

*yawn*

Gawd. I've had no sleep. Well, maybe about three hours, but I am already running on empty and I am literally just out of bed. My eyes are sore, I can't think and I just want to go to bed.

Thinking back.

I saw a couple of pictures on Reddit of Anna Kendrick and I got real CAB vibes off them. I know I've mentioned a certain resemblance before between CAB and AK, and that's true. AK is much thinner, but the vague shape of the face, the nose and the smile plus being a brunette all bring back strong CAB memories.

And while I am getting the vibes from these pictures CAB never, in the time I dated her, wore a skirt nor did she ever show off any cleavage. She was a  501s and t-shirt girl. She would have totally rocked showing off some cleavage though. She definitely had the assets for it.

Ponder.

KfW2 still hasn't confirmed next weekend yet, and typically, I now have a potential clash with a work event. I'm undecided. I want to be more social, but it would mean going out with Stalky Guy, and I'm still more than a little angry at him for his behaviour last time out.

I did ask Quiet Girl if she was free to attend, but she's got prior plans. I do think I need a third to come out to buffer myself and Stalky.

Heart Eyes.

 IMDB informs me that it's Jessica Alba's birthday today. So, have some pics.

Sigh.

Last night's night out with D, FBS etc. was very enjoyable. Opinionated Guy only showed briefly and I think the night was more enjoyable for it. I can take or leave him, but I think both D and Friction Guy actively dislike him. He's not part of our WhatsApp group, but that's his choice. FBS keeps him informed when we're arranging a night out.

I got a couple of great hugs off FBS, the first when we met and the second when the conversation turned to me and I shared the stuff that's been going on since last August. FBS was straight in for a hug.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, I woke this morning with FBS on my mind. Specifically the period when we were hooking up. We did a lot of hugging and cuddling in the  lead up to us fucking for the first time, but it was the hugging and cuddling that was on my mind when I woke.

I really am touch starved.

Yes!

Optimistically, I might have something arranged with KfW2. We've just had a quick phone call and she suggested this weekend, and her kids were immediately "yeah, get Ruuude down!" However, I'm out with D, FBS etc. and they tend to be very drunken affairs and I'm beyond doing two late nights in a row these days.

But she quickly suggested the following week, and I was straight on for that immediately. She has to confirm that she has nothing planned, but if not, I'll head to her house one evening. I might even stay over, who knows?

But the important thing is that we have something tentatively arranged, the conversation has been started.

Scrub up.

Visits to the dentist are not the greatest way to start your week, but I took advantage of the decent-ish weather and walked there. It's just short of a mile and a half. And, y'know, women in scrubs.

My recent plan has been to try and get a short walk in before work in the morning. Nothing huge - whatever distance I can cover in about 15 - 20 minutes. From what I recall from my challenge with Random Internet Woman in November, and my own time this morning, that's roughly a mile.

The idea is to leave the house for a bit plus get some exercise in.

The suspected plantar fasciitis has eased a lot recently but, as I discovered as I reached the dentist, not totally gone. But the fact that it is easing is a huge positive.

Dance to the music.

Back in the day, I spent a lot of time in what would become known as CB Pub. FP, G and a lot of others from school would regularly have nights out there, especially if there were bands playing. One of our favourite bands played Blues Brothers type music and they were very good.

In my late teens and early 20s, I saw them a lot. Then they disappeared and I saw them infrequently. They were the band that BW and I went to see when I met CAB. They were the band I was watching when I met R2. They played at AM's wedding. I took FA2 to see them a few times and she was both impressed and annoyed that she got me to dance. Impressed that she liked me dancing, annoyed in that I didn't do it often.

Anyhoo, this is all preamble. Guess who's playing CB Pub in two months time? Yup. Now, who can I go with?

Coincidence.

Every now and again, the company I work for puts on a bit of an event to encourage people to come into the office. There's usually a free, themed, lunch. And to be fair, it works reasonably well. Today was one of those days.

I managed to chat with a couple of ex-colleagues. "Ex" from the perspective that we've both moved on to different teams and no longer directly work together. One of those was SSCW. We must have spent 20 minutes, just chatting and catching up, interspersed with some banter. There's always banter with SSCW, it's just how we spark with each other.

Back home, I sat on the sofa with my dinner just a few minutes ago to continue on my semi-frequent rewatch of How I Met Your Mother. Season 5, Episode 10: "The Window". I'm pretty sure I've blogged about it before. Ted's date this episode is JoAnna Garcia Swisher, and I've definitely pointed out the similarity between her and SSCW. So this post isn't really to draw attention to that, but more to comment on the coincidence of seeing SSCW today with this episode being the next one I was due to watch.

Hah!

Years ago, when I was doing the online hobby, I had a reputation of being... a dick. Obviously, that's not my take on it. I'd be analytical, probably to a fault. Some people appreciated it, a lot of people didn't. Egos were bruised when given the slightest criticism.

I'm not going to lie, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the indignation when I got private messages from them, demanding to know how to increase my rating of their work. I did not, however, do it deliberately. The work was rated according to my own rules within the guidelines of the sites I visited.

And so to today. I'm semi-active on Reddit. A few months ago, someone posted a short story that I described as being off-topic. I rated appropriately and moved on. The author commented a little while later, disagreeing with me.

And today, they posted another link. this time, it wasn't a short story. It was a blog post. And the blog post was 1000 words trying to justify their original posting. The author didn't try to engage with me directly, nor did they try to engage with the community. Nope, they wrote a blog post on their own website that was littered with links to their other work and dressed it up as a muse on creative writing.

And that immediately took me back 20 years to the online hobby days.

If you don't have skin thick enough to take the criticism, don't post your work online. And that'#s an issue I see regularly with content creators these days just spamming Reddit with links to their websites or YouTube.

Lookalikes

I've settled down for an afternoon of football on the telly, and it strikes me that the presenter, Kelly Cates, gives me serious QC1 vibes.

Ah FFS.

Grrr. I sat indoors yesterday, bemoaning my inability to get out and exercise when the weather was lovely, and today I'm sat indoors and bemoaning that I can't go out and mow my back garden because the weather is rubbish.

I will, though, spend the time trying to source someone to come and do some work. I have a fence that I want built, that would instantly improve the look of my garden that I've been meaning to do for years.

Heel and oh!

It's a nice day here, weather-wise. I'd love to be out for a walk. I want to get into a routine of going out before and after work and doing a short 20-minute or so walk. It's not just the exercise (though when I was doing Random Internet Woman's challenge back in November, I really did feel better once I'd gotten a few lunchtime walks under my belt), but just the act of getting outdoors.

So, yeah, I want to get into that routine.

But I can't shift this plantar fasciitis. I've had it about a month now and it's showing no signs of going away. I did do a 2-mile walk on it with Nerdy Girl, but I'm reluctant to do something more regular. I have, over the past few days, started massaging it (I had completely forgotten I'd ordered a massage gun from Amazon in October). hopefully that speeds up my recovery.

I've got my eye on a new fitness tracker too, once this PF goes away.

Going out out.

Today was a day in the office. Nothing to report apart from bumping into D on my way home. We were going in different directions so we only got a few seconds to talk. Our night out is arranged with Friction Guy, D, FBS and presumably Opinionated Guy. It's two weeks tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it.

I've not heard back from M. I'll probably have to take the lead on that one as well. A job for tomorrow, I think.

And getting a conversation with KfW2 is becoming increasingly more frustrating. I have, at least, spoken to her more recently than CC has.

Yummy.

CC sent a message.

"Dinner?"

"Yup"

And off we went. Now I'm full of sushi and hot and sour soup. Yum. And while dinner is itself not a reason to post, it was more that CC was surprisingly good company. Ordinarily, I would get angry as she would go into lecture mode, but not today. And she was all the more pleasant for it.

And another thing...

I'm still livid at the Stalky Guy situation from last night. I don't know if he has social anxiety issues, but if he has, the way he behaved last night is still wrong. Join the group and just settle in, and chat if you want to.

He's just so closed-minded about... everything really.

But I meant to post last night that I think QG admitted her age, which is something that I've wondered about a few times. It seems that she's closer to my age than I had thought. I'd assumed she was mid-to-late 30s, but she's older than that.

Nothing really other than an interesting titbit of information.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fucking hell. I've never been more embarrassed in my life. Work night out. Stalky Guy turns up, and we walk to the venue. We meet Quiet Girl. We meet other people from work. Stalky Guy takes three steps back from the group and talks at me. Not with me, at me.

"FFS. Get in here." I point at the circle of people.

He refuses.

I won't go into details, but this lasts three hours. I'm trying to talk to QG and the others. But SG pipes in with fucking insular nonsense that no one else will get and pertains only to us.

QG wants to talk to me but SG won't let up. It's like he won't engage with anyone but me. He hogs my attention.

I am really fucking angry at how immature and puerile SG is. I've never seen a person so socially clueless as he is.

On the plus side, QG and I did get a chance to talk and we had a great time. SG can fuck off, though.

Don't touch.

Despite suffering what I think is Plantar Fasciitis, Nerdy Girl and I still managed to walk nearly 3 miles. Then we capped it by nipping into CB Pub for food and a chat. And chat we did... until nearly 10 PM. it was great seeing her. I don't think we've seen each other since January. We covered a load of topics, but the one that's worth commenting on was NG's theory that there are new generations of older stars that look alike.

The only example she was able to give was Kiera Knightley being an older version of Daisy Ridley. I seem to recall suggesting something similar in an old blog post where I also suggested that E's Sister vaguely resembled one (or both) of these women. If memory serves, it was one of the rare occasions when USHW agreed with my lookalikes.

So I regaled NG with stories of how E used to threaten violence against anyone hitting on her sister when she came out to the pub with us.

What to say.

Two semi-random thoughts popped into my head today. The first is that I still haven't messaged Random Internet Woman since she shared that email wasn't a good medium for her. I have been meaning to reply, but a combination of illness that hung around too long (Covid, I think) and family stuff meant that I have been super-distracted.

While I have no real plans, at the moment, to continue conversing with her, I don't want to ghost her in this way. I should, at least, just drop her a message and explain.

The other was a memory of F from, I think, around 2004. She was ill, though she never shared what that illness was. Serious enough that it would involve a hospital visit and, I think, surgery. She had gone to a lot of trouble to write a load of letters to various friends and family, and that included me. She never shared what was in the letters though suggested that she might eventually, one day, share it, just to amuse herself. She never did, but every now and again, when the memory pops into my head, I wonder what was in it.

Plans.

So, with April being less than a few days away, it's already looking like my most social month in a long, long time. I've agreed to meet with Nerdy Girl on Tuesday for something. That'll be a walk or pool depending on the weather. Next weekend is the work night out with Stalky Guy and Quiet Girl.

I'm expecting to hear back from M about meeting for drinks soon and FBS has to confirm some dates for that group to meet this month.

And then, still, there's an outside chance that I can get KfW2 out. As I have suggested before, at this stage, I'll suggest meeting in May rather than April if that conversation does happen. But I'm hoping to see her soon. I want to see her soon.

What to do?

One of my favourite local bands has announced a gig at my local bar (CB Pub) at the end of June. Ordinarily, I'd have attended with FP. Maybe AM or QC1 would have attended, too. But these days it's a different matter. AM's long-promised night out still hasn't happened (first suggested back in September last year). And given that she's seemingly holding on until a friend of hers visits home, I could be waiting some time.

I want to go to the gig, but I know it will be bittersweet given they were a favourite of FP and his passing last year.

WTF?

A rather eclectic dream last night that featured, amongst others, BR, USHW, my brother-in-law and people from work.

It started off at a sporting event. Maybe football? It was Ireland versus England. We then transitioned to a party, hosted at BR's house. USHW was my guest, and she was staying at my house. Then lots of work colleagues turned up, for some reason, and at some point, USHW and I had a falling out, causing her to leave the party.

Then my brother-in-law turned up to give me a lift home, and that was the end of it, I think. That's when I woke up.

Skirting the issue.

When KfW2 talks about her old tartan skirt (and it happens a lot more than you'd think), this kind of image pops into my head.

In my head, the skirt is red tartan and the woman wearing it is KfW2, not Hilarie Burton, an actress. And she's wearing tights and knee-high boots or DMs. But ultimately, it's a very short tartan skirt. In real life, I doubt that KfW2's skirt was that short, but I didn't know her back then, so I could be wrong.

Chat.

And it happened pretty much how I expected. I met G at 7:30 PM, we had several pints and were back home around 10:30 PM. It was a very pleasant few hours and the chat was easy. In the middle of it, while G was at the bar, I texted KfW2. She happened to be on my mind due to the pub I was in and where I was sitting.

She messaged back. She was in bed. She'd call tomorrow, she promised.

And she did. However, it was the same old story. She was in the car when she first called at lunch, only for that call to be cut short as someone from work was phoning her. And then she called later in the afternoon. Again, she was in the car. Unlike with G, this chat was more stilted, from my end. I don't know why. And, unsurprisingly, this chat was also cut short because KfW2 needed to call her husband.

I still haven't managed to get her out, socially, though that never came up in conversation yesterday. I'll shelve it until after the Easter weekend and then get back on it.

April will be busy - a work night with Stalky Guy and Quiet Girl, a potential night out with M plus a night out with  FBS, D etc. If a night out with KfW2 happens, it might be better to hold off until. May. These things aren't cheap any more.

Is it?

I needed to go to the local shopping centre and I've pretty much not left the house in three weeks because of the illness. It's a lovely day here, so the thought of wandering around for an hour, listening to music and getting in some provisions and clothes was very appealing.

I showered, dressed and left the house. As I approached the bus stop, this very attractive redhead turned the corner. She was dressed in green - a green hoodie, green yoga pants and running shoes. But she looked familiar. I was convinced it was Attractive Neighbour, but as she got closer, doubt began to creep in. I didn't want to stare, so just continued walking.

She got into a car with a guy and they drove off. There are no open shops or restaurants near me, so I am convinced they were walking a local trail that's a few hundred metres away and were just returning to where they'd parked their car.

So, it's a couple of hours later, and I still can't say for certain that it was Attractive Neighbour. But if it wasn't, then AN has a doppelganger.

Last minute.

Out of the blue, a text from G. Was I free tomorrow to meet for a few drinks? I was. And so it was arranged. Details are still to be ironed out, but I reckon we'll meet around 7 PM for a few quiet ones and back home around 10 PM.

Recollection.

I was browsing some old photos from the online hobby last evening, specifically one of the weekends when people from across the UK got together, drank heavily and chatted. It was the weekend where I met USHW in person for the first time.

It prompted some fond memories, not just of meeting USHW, but meeting a few other people too. That included R. I'd met R before at another of these events and we hit it off, but she showed up specifically to meet me and it was fun seeing her again.

So, yeah, fond memories.

Cutting contact.

Random Internet Woman's latest email (from a week ago) has upped the ante in trying to move to phone calls. While I don't think it's a threat per se, it has brought to a head a few things. I don't do phone calls. Pretty much the only person that I do have phone calls with is KfW2. RIW has said that if we continue via email, she feels she won't be able to provide the same quality of "conversation" that we've had so far.

But if we move to phone calls, I see this fizzing out almost immediately. And I don't want to force her to continue communicating via email.

I'm also really low energy at the moment. A combination of the past four months of family stuff plus a recent illness that has still not fully gone after three weeks has floored me, mentally. The family stuff is ongoing, too.

I'm really tempted to cut contact. It already kinda felt like work, like I was, or am, obliged to reply, and I'm just not in the headspace for that. I probably should have replied before now, but as I said, illness and headspace have had a huge impact recently. But I think it's for the best.

Swing thing.

For some reason, a young lady demonstrating electro swing dancing has started appearing on my YouTube feed, despite having zero previous interest in dancing or the music genre. She is, however, very attractive and reminds me of a woman I had a crush on back in my early 20s. I can't remember if I've blogged about her before, but there's not really much more to it than that.

Anyhoo, electro swing, eh? Have a look/listen for yourself: em.delacrem - YouTube.

But, you know, the music is kinda growing on me.

Reconnect.

I've been preoccupied with QC2 all day. It's due to a dream I had last night. I don't remember many of the details, but I recall that I met her randomly, and then tried to reconnect with her. Or I tried to hook up with her. Or both, on separate occasions? The latter, I think. As I said, I don't remember a lot of the dream, though there was more to it, but I definitely tried to reconnect with her and she was having none of it. And I felt sad when I woke up. While we only really saw each other a few times a year, I enjoyed meeting her for drinks, catching up, and even getting some advice from time to time. I do miss her.

Plans

In addition to the night with D, FBS etc. and the work thing with Stalky Guy and Quiet Girl and, fingers crossed, KfW2 (though still no reply to my suggestion that we do something soon), I've been meaning to reach out to M, and I still want to chat to Nerdy Girl.

Let's see.

So after putting out the feelers to FBS, D etc. I've another few irons out there. There's a work thing at the start of April with Stalky Guy and Quiet Girl that's pretty much nailed on. Additionally, KfW2 shared a memory via DM on Facebook (is it weird that she doesn't do stuff like publicly any more?), so I took that opportunity to ask if she was free soon for some socialising. Let's see how that all turns out.

Sigh.

I'm in a real funk at the moment. I think a good portion of that is coming from the illness. I'm really low-energy. The illness has sapped me of energy for the past two weeks, I've been in a permanent state of either pain or discomfort and I think that has had an effect on my mental health as well. The illness, fatigue and the resulting loneliness are all coming to a head, I think.

I've already put out feelers to FBS, D etc. for a night out, which will probably happen in April. I'm still keen to get KfW2 out, too, but it's still proving difficult just getting her to talk, never mind arrange something.

Urgh... again.

Finally, what I would call a good night's sleep. I think I've shifted most of the illness, though a cough and a sore throat remain. And the cough gives me a headache and shooting pain across my left shoulder.

I also recall pieces of a dream from last night. I was dating actress Anne Hathaway. We were doing that thing where we were having an awful lot of sex in the early days of a relationship and hadn't announced anything publicly. After a rather extensive session (though this wasn't a sex dream per se), we left my house to go to the shop to pick up groceries and snacks.

On the way back, we bumped into Friction Guy and his girlfriend. FG's girlfriend and AH knew each other in the dream, so we chatted for a bit and went our separate ways. Soon after, paparazzi descended on my house. We managed to sneak out and head to my parents' house where my Mum was ill, so AH was looking after her in between us cuddling on the sofa and just chatting. It was around this time that I woke up.

Nothing really to say. As you might expect, it's brought back some loneliness (being ill and single/living alone is not great even if it's not a serious illness), and the lack of sex is an ongoing frustration. And I hate being ill.

But here's a picture of Anne Hathaway as Catwoman. Catsuit. Boots. Mmmm...

Urgh.

Plague Tales, Day 3. I managed a whole 5 hours of sleep last night. It might not seem like much, but I reckon that put my total sleep over the past three nights at around 10 hours. I've not had any caffeine since Saturday, so that's not to blame either. I am, however, getting better. At this rate, I might return to feeling human again by the weekend.

Achoo.

Day 2 of the Plague or whatever it is that I have. I got about 2 hours of sleep last night. I sent KfW2 a text message, essentially just begging for sympathy, but she was having none of it, also being ill. As you might have guessed, work was a struggle, but I managed to be a little productive today.

My eyes still hurt, I ache all over and I've developed a cough. And my ribs also hurt presumably due to the amount of coughing and sneezing I've been doing for the past 36 hours. I really don't do illnesses well... or any kind of mild pain/discomfort.

Here we go again

Yup, I definitely have something. I'm aching all over, my eyes hurt when looking at screens and I got pretty much no sleep last night. I'm in work today but I just can't get motivated. All I want to do is go back to bed and get some sleep.

All weekend long.

I didn't sleep well last night. I think I'm coming down with something, which is unfortunate because I took some time off work last week because I was feeling really run down. I can't have this tickle in my throat develop into something full-blown.

Anyway, it was well after 3 AM by the time I fell asleep last night. And I dreamt of FA2. Specifically, I dreamt of a weekend, that actually happened, where we had no social commitments. We just spent the weekend in FA2's house and we couldn't keep our hands off each other.

It started when I arrived at hers from work, I'd been thinking of her all day, and marched her up the stairs and screwed her. And that set the tone for the rest of the weekend. We got to about dinner time on Sunday,  depleted and exhausted, but physically satisfied.

So, yeah, that was my dream and, as you may guess, led to a very frustrating morning.

Looking forward.

I always thought Quiet Girl was really hard to read and my attempts to get her to socialise, while generally successful, felt forced. But it was she who reached out to see if I was going to our monthly work outing, implying that her presence depended on mine.

Stalky Guy also showed up. I was pondering whether or not to attend, due to the ongoing family stuff, but I needed a drink, I wanted the company and, as USHW is fond of reminding me, I'm a sucker for a pretty face. And I do think QG is pretty.

There is not much to report - it was a fun night, I got tipsy, QG gave out hugs at the end of the evening (a first - I didn't think she was the tactile type) and we tentatively agreed to attend another thing that the company is putting on - a sporting event that might lead to drinks afterwards.

Wowzer.

Nothing to say today apart from looking at this stunning picture of Alison Brie that she's posted on Instagram.

Scrub up well.

The family stuff has taken another turn. As a result, I've been stressed, my sleep has been poor and the loneliness is forefront. However, the benefit of that is that I've spent the past few days admiring some attractive women in scrubs. One, in particular, has a look/vibe of someone I can't put my finger on. A celebrity? Someone off the lone dating apps, maybe? I can't put my finger on it, but she's been super helpful and all-round lovely.

I do love a woman in scrubs.

Top that.

I don't know who this is, but seeing these pictures reminded me of QC3 and I think, though I can't be sure, a post I've made on this blog. I've definitely mentioned my fondness for women's backs and backless dresses. I think I've posted before about a stringy top thing that I can recall QC3 wearing, to D's wedding. 

Well, while not 100% the same, this outfit is very reminiscent of what I recall QC3 wearing that day.

Hmmm. Random.

For some reason, a thought popped into my head at lunchtime. A completely random thought. A memory, in fact. It was the night that both QC3 and I realised there was potential for something to happen. QC3 was never relationship material. She was far too flaky for that. She, in my opinion, oozed sex appeal though.

On the evening in question, I was out with AM and QC1. QC3 was out with a friend of hers. Towards the end of the night, QC3's friend came over, plonked herself on my lap, and made obvious signals that she was interested in making something happen. I, though, was not. QC3's friend was even flakier than QC3, and that's a feat. I managed to persuade her that nothing was happening and off she went, back to QC3.

Not long after, QC3's friend left and QC3 came over for a chat. She, too, sat on my lap. This wasn't a big thing because she'd done that before, though there was always a lust thing going on with QC3 so I was all for it. At the end of the evening, QC3 suggested going back to hers for more drinks.

I was up for that. We head back to hers. Getting close to QC3's and her lights were on. QC3 was adamant that she didn't leave the lights on. I wasn't surprised. It was early September, so lights being on would have been weird for someone who was out all day.

It was QC3's friend. She'd returned to QC3's, climbed in through a window and watched TV. QC3 got rid of her (she only lived up the street), and we had a drink, then QC3 suggested we retire for the evening.

I slept in my underwear, as did QC3. In the same bed. Nothing happened intentionally. I woke the next morning and we were wrapped around each other, though that's not how we had fallen asleep. One of my hands was partly on one of her breasts and it was swiftly withdrawn. The next morning, we chatted, I hung around for coffee and we chatted further and I left around lunchtime. I think we both wanted something more to happen but neither of us made that first move.

It was a week later, when I arrived at our usual bar that D started implying that QC3 was thinking about something non-platonic. I admitted that I wasn't against the idea, but that wasn't enough. We circled around each other for about three weeks until she moved away, and never sealed the deal.

What just happened?

So Random Internet Woman threw out a comment about coming over to visit (the country, not me), and I appear to have agreed to meet her. Hmmm.

Let's go!

Remember my monthly work nights out? Well, they're back! Quiet Girl messaged me to ask if I was attending the next one, which is next week. I am. Both Stalky Guy and I are attending. I encouraged QG to put her name forward, which she did. So, I now have a better reason to look forward to next week's outing than Stalky Guy.

Look and feel.

I don't know if I've stated this on the blog, but I am a gamer. A PC gamer, specifically, so I get to nerd it up both from a hardware and software perspective.

Games translations into TV series or films tend to be poor, often losing the whole vibe that made the game special in the first place. See Halo, for example.

There are two releases this year that I am looking forward to, though. Fallout is coming next month, I think, on one of the streaming platforms. Borderlands is another, though I have yet to determine the exact release date.

Both are very interesting visually as well as story-wise. Fallout has this whole futuristic but retro vibe going on. And while you can't see it from the picture below, the Borderlands game has cel-shading animation. It looks like a cartoon. I am a little surprised to see that they've gone full live-action on this one. I thought they might have stylised it like A Scanner Darkly or even the Sin City films to semi-mirror the game's look and feel.

But still, Cate Blanchett looking fine and badass? Go on then. 

And the game, for reference?

Shazam!

I watched "Shazam! Fury of the Gods" at the weekend. It was OK.

However, do you know what floats Ruuude's boat? Attractive brunette women in short-skirted superhero outfits with boots. Well, that's one of them.

Grace Caroline Currey

Chatty.

Out of the blue, KfW2 sent a message earlier. Was I free in the afternoon for an hour? She was dropping her husband off in the town and would call in for a bit.

Well... I was available and would love to see her, I replied.

About an hour later, my brother-in-law called. Did I want to do some Family Stuff (related to the stuff going on for the past 3 months)? I wanted to, but I was expecting KfW2 to call in.

So, a tidy-up, a quick mopping and vacuuming later and I was all set.

And then the inevitable happened.

KfW2 called to say she couldn't make it. One of her kids had left a coat behind at football and she had to go to try and find it. If it hadn't been a brand-new, expensive coat, she'd have just left it, she explained.

We chatted for a bit, her kids interjected with questions and it was a nice 30-minute chat. At the end, I promised to talk to her soon and we'd arrange something. She seemed happy with that and that was it.

I am more than a little frustrated though. I'm off to watch a move.

Ooooh.

I can't remember if I knew this before, but I have mutual friends with the blonde Emma Willis woman who pops up infrequently in my online dating applications. I got a weird sense of deja vu when I found that out last night. I can't remember if I ever posted about it.

Actually, I should expand on that. I have two mutual friends with blonde Emma Willis, both school friends. One is a woman that I know I've posted about before. The other is a guy that I've only ever seen infrequently since we left school. 

Not an "in" or anything. More a comment on the coincidence.

Reach out.

As an aside, when I was out last week with The Crowd, GM dropped into the conversation that he's bumped into CH at Starbucks. 

"She was asking after you all," was the only thing of note that she said, apparently.

I dunno. I always feel a little disappointed that a random meeting like that doesn't prompt her to reach out to people. Not just me, though I was, apparently, someone she felt close to and had trust with. She was also close enough, I think, to FC.

Maybe it's just nostalgia or the memory of her absolutely fantastic rack that makes me feel like that, though.

Back to back

Remember my fondness for backless dresses? Are you aware of Scottish actress Karen Gillan? Well... here's a picture of her from a few days ago. An outstanding example of a backless dress.

To me, to you.

I was in one of my favourite bars last Friday evening with The Crowd. It was packed. It always is these days. Sadly the really cute barmaid wasn't working. GM actually mentioned her.

In the throng, a small group of really cute women squeezed past us. I think GM and I saw the same girl at the same time - a tall attractive brunette woman. We laughed. After a few seconds, she turned around and moved back the way she came. She and I did that dance where I tried to let her pass, but she stepped in the same direction, then we repeated that a few times before we both laughed and I stepped backwards and let her pass. As she squeezed past me, we clinked glasses, I wished her an enjoyable evening and returned to GM.

"How do you always talk to the cute ones?" asked GM incredulously.

This was news to me. GM is a babe magnet. Genuinely. Women approach him all the time. I don't recall that this is something that people would think of me - that I can strike up a conversation with anyone at any time.

I am a good double-act, though. I've chatted to my own fair share of women just by bouncing off people like M, FP and GM. Recruitment Bird is probably the best known on this blog, but there have been others that never led anywhere beyond a fun few hours chatting.

Just... erm... stuff.

For no reason... ahem... I was thinking of Jenni Lee earlier.

Count 'em.

Unsurprisingly, the number of Valentine's cards received this year is 0, dear reader. I can't remember if I've posted about this before, but I only ever recall getting two cards in my entire life. One was a joke from a godparent and the other was from QC2. I had the hugest crush on her at the time, too. I had kissed her at a party only a few weeks earlier, asked her out and was turned down, so this card coming through the post really threw me. It took a chat with AM to clarify that there was no intent behind it other than a bit of light-hearted fun.

The only person I've actively been dating at this time of year was FA2. She was giving off these "I don't buy into V-Day", though I still bought her flowers and took her to dinner. I don't recall getting a card from her, either. In fact, beyond birthday cards, she never really came up with the goods, though I've probably covered that before.

But even though I wasn't actively dating anyone on V-Day, the memory made me realise that this time of year is probably my most active or successful in terms of meeting women. And by this time of year, I mean roughly mid-December through to mid-March.

Of the women frequently mentioned on this blog, QC1, FA2, FBS, and CAB all happened/started within this period. The E3 incident happened. While nothing progressed, the Chloe night fell into this window too. There are a few others who have not been mentioned on the blog when the initial meeting happened at this time.

While regular readers of this blog might assume that, due to my perennial single status, I don't like V-day, I do have very fond memories of this time of year because of the women mentioned above.

Pancakes, you say?

Yeah, I've been greedy and made, then eaten, a load of pancakes. Sue me.

*burps*

What the?

I would write about the quite weird dream I had last night, but the details are rapidly disappearing. Travel was involved. Broken aeroplanes were involved. I think FP was in there somewhere. And house renovations. and aimless wandering around an airport.

But I'm sleep-deprived. I stupidly stayed up late to watch the Superbowl and I am paying for it this morning.

Sigh.

I think it's safe to say that the quality of my sleep has not been great over the past week or so. I've blogged about a few already. I've also had a dream that involved FA2 and a load of sex, which may have been prompted by reading an old email conversation with USHW. Last night's featured an alien takeover of our planet with the use of mind-controlling, addictive secretions. Yeah, I have no clue either.

You again?

Yeah, another KfW2 dream. This time we were actually out and about, doing something socially. I don't know what it was, but there were crowds of people. We got split up. I spent hours trying to find her, with no luck. She messaged me despite not picking up any calls I'd made, only to chastise me for leaving her alone. She was angry and accused me of a lack of effort before telling me to never talk to her again.

I shared this with KfW2 and we laughed about it. I offered to take her out for drinks, dinner, or whatever she wanted, but she didn't commit to anything. Well, she kept going back to the dream. 

"Why go out? You'll just leave me lol" That kind of thing, without addressing an actual, genuine, invitation. Attempts to get the conversation back on track proved useless. Sigh.

D'oh.

I had another couple of weird dreams last night. The first I can barely remember, but I do recall waking in the early hours of the morning and thinking that the dream, and how I was visualising that in my head, would make a great video game.

The second involved USHW and I travelling or trying to, in the middle of a transport strike. Where we were going and why we were travelling was not apparent, or I can't remember.

And in the middle of that, when I was trying to get back to sleep after the first dream was the memory of Chloe asking me to make sure I saved her number. I think I've commented on that before.

But now I'm thinking that she really did want me to call her, didn't she?

Sigh.

London Girl is documenting her trip to New Zealand on Facebook. I've been to NZ before and I adore it. I'm staring wistfully at her pictures and the desire to travel is really strong.

The hunt.

I had an interesting dream last night that had two parts, though in the same setting. The setting was a workplace. Not anything that I can remember from the real world, but something technical, computer, nerdy...

In one track of the dream, I'd left an anonymous comment being critical of someone's work. I don't think it was rude or out of line, but it generated a massive manhunt to find the author of the criticism.

The other track involved KfW2 and my inability to pin her down for lunch and paranoia that we'd had a falling out. We still worked together, but she'd done AWOL from her desk. With lunchtime rapidly approaching, I was trying to find her, to find out if we were still going to go for lunch together. All the while, I was trying to dodge the manhunt.

Both tracks eventually ended, in my favour. I found KfW2 and we went for lunch and my paranoia was for nothing. I also dodged the manhunt, who eventually realised that the criticism was constructive and that there was no need to find the author.

So, yeah, that. The work/manhunt thing is a mystery, but the KfW2 thing is probably just a reflection of my constant semi-frustration at trying to get a hold of her for socialising.

Up here.

I was browsing Tinder. I don't know why, I don't think I'm in the right frame of mind to be dating. I had planned on posting about the fact that I'd not seen any of the usual attractive women on there - the local celebs or my sister's university friend - in a long time. You're probably talking last summer, if not before that.

So, it was surprising to see the blonde Emma Willis pop up. I've swiped right, of course, though I've swiped right on her numerous times with no result. But that's not what made me want to blog about it.

In one of her photos, she's wearing a sheer black top with a nice black bra. It reminded me of the outfit that FA2 was wearing the first night that we slept together - she wore a sheer green top with a green Wonderbra.

I'm not going to lie, I am lonely, but I'm definitely in no place to date. Something casual though? Yeah, I could do that.

Secret smile.

While working today, the Semisonic song "Secret Smile" played. I can't remember when the song was released. It must be easily the early 2000s. Regardless, it reminded me of a comment that FA2 said to me one day.

I paraphrase:

"Sometimes you give me this look when we're out, no one else notices, and I know that you're going to give me a good seeing to when we get home."

While I never doubted her, it was also true that I always wanted to give FA2 a good seeing to when we returned to her house from where we were. It didn't matter if it was the shop, the pub with friends, dinners with families...

I also knew when my advances were likely to succeed and when she would likely rebuff them. If I made an advance any time I was horny or she was turning me on, I think even she would have been shocked.

She did, on more than one occasion call me "a horny little devil", but I doubt she even knew how high my sex drive was.

Lots of talking.

KfW2 did eventually call... this morning while I was at work, and busy. I've no qualms about taking calls during work, but only if I am not immediately busy. I called her back about thirty minutes later, but she didn't pick up. KfW2 does not take personal calls during work, unless it's family.

And then, just to complete the collection, CC called. She'd been speaking to KfW2 because she knew of the family stuff that's been happening over the past few months. There were a couple of times when I thought I'd have to hang up. CC can't help herself and conversations often turn into lectures. But she reigned herself in before they became too bad. We've tentatively arranged to meet for dinner next week.

Chat, no talk.

KfW2 has sent further WhatsApp messages, but I'm still waiting for the phone call. But in other communication-related news, I've reached out to Random Internet Woman again. I'm not going to be messaging at the same frequency that we did late last year, but I just wanted to check in with her and see how she was doing.

OK?

I called KfW2 on Friday night, but she didn't pick up. I got a message from her yesterday evening advising that she'd give me a call today. And then, after 1 AM, another message.

"Are you OK?"

I love that she cares. But I don't love that I'm still waiting for the phone call.

And I am mainly OK. The stuff I blogged about on Friday is all still valid. Things are happening, work's good and if I am being honest, I do feel a little overwhelmed. But the reason for calling KfW2 was to do with her and a few things that have happened to her over the past fortnight.

Grin.

So, work has been pleasant today - extremely productive and that's gotten me in a good mood. I also got a good night's sleep last night, which has helped. The family stuff is ongoing and will continue to be stressful for a few months. I also got some good feedback from my annual review, so I have a bit of a strut on today.

The proposed meeting with a cousin has been cancelled. He's not said anything, but I've heard through the grapevine that he's already been in town, and gone again.

However, G is still due home in a week, so I'll see him (and presumably M, too). And the night out with The Crowd is still pencilled in for two weeks today. There is an outside chance of doing something with the work guys in a week, but that's going to be dependent on what G's plans are.

The KfW2 thing is up in the air. I reached out directly a few days ago and asked her when she was free so I could take her out. However, something cropped up yesterday that might jeopardise that for a week or so. I'll have to give her a call though, just to see how she is.

Tripping

I was browsing IMDB earlier and I came across a reference to an animated sci-fi TV show called "Tripping the Rift". Noteworthy only because F once sent me the entire box set (copied, of course) as she thought I'd like it. And I did! But I'd not heard of it before F told me about it nor can I find it again.

I mean in the sense of being able to watch it. There are actually a load of references online, just nothing on the likes of Netflix etc..

Ssshhh!

Years ago, after I left school and most of my friends had gone to university, I worked an office job, where I met QC2, FBS, Friction Guy and that lot.

BW went to university in our home town so we often socialised together. During this time, he had an on-again-off-again girlfriend. I don't think they were particularly good for each other, but they found themselves getting together briefly before drifting apart again for a few months, then repeating.

I think I've blogged about my first date with CAB. Well, this girl was the reason CAB's friend lucked out that evening.

Regardless, this was before CAB or FBS. One night, BW launched himself at the girl and within seconds they were full-on snogging. Her friend was shocked.

"What are you DOING?"

"They're kissing, Rhonda," was my smart-arse reply.

I'd met Rhonda before and we got along well. We were often left talking to each other when BW and the girl inevitably hooked up at the end of the night.

Rhonda laughed.

"I know, silly. But are they going to go through this again?"

I shrugged.

"We don't have to hang around here while they fumble away."

"Where do we go?"

"Home? I'm fucked if I'm waiting around for them to finish"

"I don't want to walk home on my own."

I knew roughly where Rhonda lived and knew that BW's girl lived on the next street, which is why they'd go home together. It was in the opposite direction to where I needed to go, but I could order a taxi from hers. I shared that thought with Rhonda who pondered it briefly and then nodded. It was about 25 minutes walk.

We chatted on the way up the road. Rhonda had explained that she'd had a conversation with BW's girl who was adamant they wouldn't hook up again, hence her somewhat vocal disapproval of their actions. I laughed.

When we arrived at Rhonda's, she invited me in but before I could order a cab, we were kissing. I admit, I'd never given Rhonda any thought toward anything like this, but this first night, I just kind of went along with it. I left a few hours later when I ordered a cab and we eventually stopped snogging.

The thing is, it seemed that we were both on the same page. We both enjoyed ourselves, but there was no desire to take it any further... nor was there any real compulsion to admit what we'd done. Until we had a repeat performance about a month later after BW pulled the same stunt. After that, we both went out of our way to get the two of them together so we could have our own secret fun.

Rhonda and I eventually slept together a couple of times. One morning, as I left Rhonda's and was waiting for the bus, who should amble up but BW. As he saw me, the penny dropped, both in figuring out why I was there and the subtle way Rhonda and I had been putting BW and Rhonda's friend together were suddenly not so subtle.

I don't know what changed. BW and Rhonda's friend stopped hooking up each time they bumped into each other at the pub. Had it run its course? Had Rhonda and I just extended their usual cycle by a few months so we could have our own fun? I never found out. It happened a few times, but the regularity of it ceased.

Rhonda and I slept together once more after that. We bumped into each other at a club, she was headed in a different direction to her friends. I offered, with no assumptions, to walk her home, and she asked me to stay over.

A mostly forgotten memory of my early 20s, until I bumped into Rhonda's friend yesterday while I was at my parents' house. She'd been living just around the corner for years.

Sharing.

While the circumstances around seeing G this week were less than ideal, it did at least allow me to update him on the family stuff I've been dealing with over the past six weeks. He'd heard stuff through the grapevine - family friends of ours are friends with his mum, for example. I was able to give him the details in person and in a timely fashion, which was a lot more therapeutic than I imagined. I think that's partly because I haven't been able to do that with other bad news over the past year e.g. letting KfW2 or The Crowd know about FP at the time. I told KFW2 only a few days before FP passed and The Crowd didn't find out until Xmas.

Hmmm.

I don't know if it's the weather or what, but I'm still getting mad cravings. Mostly chocolate, so the tobacco craving has gone, at least. But still, this feels weird.

If I wasn't sitting here in a pair of joggers and slippers, I might venture out to the shop. But I am, so I won't.

Ho hum.

BR's mother passed away at the start of last week and it was her funeral today. It was good to see that BR was in decent form, despite the unfortunate circumstances. I was a little worried about him. He's been a bit fragile, mentally, recently.

It was good seeing old school friends, including G and AM and a few others.

AM, once again, promised to arrange a night out. I'm still waiting for her to do it after FP's funeral. Ho hum. MM asked me, again, to get M out for a drink.

All I can do is ask, I said. If he's no interest, I can do nothing.

But I'll give him a shout after the weekend and see if he's interested in meeting next week or next weekend.

Way back when.

I met Nerdy Girl tonight, though instead of going for a walk, we went for coffee, and then played pool because it was freezing and neither of us were really dressed for sub-zero temperatures. 

We played pool at the pub where I first met R2. And if that wasn't enough, the music that was playing would have been exactly the music R2 and I would have listened to back in the day - Guns 'n' Roses, Aerosmith, Red Hot Chili Peppers and that type of stuff.

So, yeah, I had a great time with Nerdy Girl, but I also got real nostalgia kicks too. I wonder if I should reach out to her, to see how she's doing?

Oh la la!

I was going through some old email conversations with USHW when I happened upon a link that she'd sent which pointed me towards Attractive Neighbour modelling wedding lingerie from many years ago.

Attractive Neighbour is probably too high maintenance for my tastes, but as slim redheads go, she's up there with the best of them, in my opinion.

What?

I had the weirdest thing happen last night. I had mad cravings for all sorts - ice cream, beer, chocolate and cigarettes. I've had cravings for all of those things in the past. But all at once?

Promises

I'm going to be honest, before KfW2 phoned me earlier, I was composing a blog post in my head that was quite negative and I was definitely feeling a bit sorry for myself.

It went back to something that KfW2 had said to me last year at FP's funeral about how people were concerned about me, and they loved me.

While I'm not even going to suggest that she's wrong (she's not), I perhaps expected people to be in contact a little more frequently than usual after FP's funeral. That wasn't the case. Even KfW2 herself wasn't really in contact any more than usual.

Then when G came home a month or so later, he assured me that M had promised to reach out, to arrange a drink or a coffee.

And it's that point that I think provoked the desire to make a post. BR was in touch earlier this week to tell me his mother had passed away. I'd swapped a few messages with G, but M also sent a message, sharing the funeral details.

But if you add my difficulty in getting The Crowd out, pinning KfW2 down for doing something, M's promise plus the lack of any real contact post-funeral, and it really has gotten me down.

I had work stuff going on in the second half of last year, plus this more recent family stuff too, and it just all added up to needing an outlet. An outlet I couldn't get because it was impossible to get to talk to people. I'm not gonna lie, it was a really tough, mentally taxing six months at the end of last year.

So while things are looking up - I'm definitely seeing G and The Crowd soon, I also have tentatively gotten agreement from M and KfW2 to meet for coffee/drinks/dinner, but it'll be me that has to put in the effort.

Reading back on this, it does still feel quite negative/sad, but I don't think it's as bad as it could have been as I was feeling VERY sorry for myself earlier. It does raise the point I always make about actions speaking louder than words.

Times like these.

KfW2 called from her car. She was, unsurprisingly, late for something. She was meeting a friend for brunch. I laughed. She sounded, not upset but frustrated.

"It's not like I try to be late!"

I've said before that when we first met, her friends would tell me all sorts of stories about KfW2's tardiness. She shared a story herself of a date where she was like well over an hour late. I think this was pre-mobile phone days. He was still there. In all honesty, I would have been too.

But tellingly, she was never like that with me, barring one episode that I can recall offhand. Things have changed since she's had kids. It takes a lot more organising, for starters, plus KfW2's kids can be a handful. Not disobedient or anything like that, but it just takes them so much time to do the simplest of things due to getting distracted.

I sympathised with her but said that I'd never stop taking the piss about her timekeeping.

Regardless, she thanked me for the post that she had received. We talked for a while swapping updates on our respective lives. She talked a little about CC who's embarked on a side hustle. And just like that, half an hour had passed.

She had to finish the call to get ready to meet her friend. She was already late. Probably an hour by my estimation. I'd have been stressed out if it had been me as it was something that needed to be booked rather than just meeting in a pub or coffee place.

But I ended my part in the conversation by promising that I'd be in touch over the next few days to arrange something with her, whether that be dinner, lunch, drinks or whatever she fancies.

Thinking back.

I'm having a side conversation with a guy I know from my online gaming circle. He's just shared some information about some recruiters calling him with jobs they think he might be interested in. One is in Bristol.

I voiced my appreciation of Bristol and explained that I had some really good memories of being in Bristol. Specifically, I'm thinking of E, and the times I'd fly over to visit her. We'd get drunk, play pool, and I'd spend some time trying to figure out if I just really enjoyed her company or if I had romantic feelings for her. I'm still not sure that I've ever come to a definitive decision on that, by the way.

But the damage was done. I went off into a little daydream of memories of visiting E, and I miss her. I can't wait til the summer when she'll be home. Hopefully, I'll get her out at least once for drinks.

The Bristol connection also has me thinking about K, who made a rare appearance on my Facebook timeline a day or two ago.

Oops.

I'm not meeting Nerdy Girl tonight. It seems she's double-booked herself. I'm disappointed. I had hoped that we could get a walk done, then maybe go somewhere for drinks. But then it's been a busy week, so I kinda just want to chill. I might get a few beers in later and keep it low-key.

I had hoped to hear from KfW2, after I posted something to her on Wednesday. She should have received it yesterday. She has, in the past, sent me a message thanking me for anything I've posted, so I'm kinda second-guessing myself here. Did it arrive?

Looking back.

This is Jolene Blalock in an old Stargate SG1 episode that's currently on TV.

For some reason, I'm getting a real Sports Girl vibe from her, though I can't explain why. Usually, there's something that kicks off that tickle of recognition - the shape of the nose or the mouth that translates to an if-you-squint-there-could-be-a-resemblance kind of thing, but that's not the case here. However, she had a blonde phase after one of her breakups with GM. Could that be it?

Is it because I was going through some old blog posts and email conversations with USHW specifically related to SG earlier? I dunno. But there you go.

Walk it off.

Maybe just a little bit later than planned, but I did get a walk done at lunchtime, and at just under 1.7 miles, it's not a bad start. Bear in mind that my typical daily walk when doing the challenge from Random Internet Woman was about 1.2 miles.

Hopefully, I can keep this up for a couple of weeks, and then see where we are about moving on to Yoga or the CG workouts I've mentioned previously.

And the point of the walk was to post something for KfW2. It made me realise that I don't get enough personal stuff through the mail any more. It's all bills and junk mail. I did get the odd bit of mail from USHW and I got a postcard from Foreign Girl, which were greatly appreciated. It genuinely meant a lot that someone took the time to scribble some words and post them to me.

And here we go...

It seems that life is going to continue to throw stuff at me this year. BR was in touch this morning to share the news that his mother had passed away. BR is going through his own stuff at the moment, so this is going to be tougher than normal for him. However, it means he's going to be in town soon. We might be able to catch up, if he's in the mood. I should probably attend the funeral.

G was also in contact. he is coming home, though at the start of next month, rather than the end of this month. So that, at least, is something positive to look forward to.

In a rather surprising move, GM also sent a message this morning. Would anyone be free in the middle of next month for a night out? I had semi-jokingly suggested last week that he take the initiative in arranging something seeing as he was so apologetic about being useless at maintaining contact these days. Everyone has tentatively agreed to meet, so that's also something to look forward to.

Let's not get going.

OK, so the walk didn't happen. The life stuff that's been ongoing since the end of November kicked in again. We have, though, tentatively rearranged for Friday evening. I might even talk her into staying out after a walk for a few drinks in CB Pub. That's roughly where we start and finish our walks.

Let's get going.

Right, that false first week of January is over, so I need to get started on whatever goals I have for this year. I've asked Nerdy Girl for a walk this evening, but not heard anything back. I think I'll try and do something similar to the challenge set down by Random Internet Woman, but maybe for like 2 weeks, just to start building an exercise habit. Then move on to yoga for a few weeks, to stretch out muscles that haven't really been tested in years. And then I might stick with the yoga 100%, or move to some of Caroline Girvan's workouts or combine them both.

Social-wise, I think G's coming home before the end of the month. I also think a cousin is coming home this month and he suggested at our last family gathering that we might hit the pub. And I want to try an arrange something with KfW2, too.

That's a start, right?

She's got the look.

While browsing the internet earlier, I came across this picture of Jessicas Alba.

It provoked a memory of QC2. When we were friends, we would often meet, by accident, in the pub. Our taste in bars was similar, so we often went to the same places. But I remember one night when she turned up in a tight, black, polo-neck jumper, wearing her usual black 501s with boots of some description.

It was a look she pulled off really well. I remember that she was getting a lot of admiring glances that evening, though to be fair, QC2 usually got a lot of admiring glances when she was in the pub.

Thinking back.

I've thought about FA2 a lot this week. It started on Tuesday morning when I woke with her on my mind, and that train of thought continued throughout the day. That pattern has repeated ever since. It's not that I'm reminiscing over specific memories, just general mulling and there's maybe a tinge of what she was to me, especially now when I am feeling lonely and emotional support and physical intimacy would be so welcome.

Longest week ever!

The work week is only 4 days long, but it feels much longer. As I explained on another forum, it actually doesn't feel like I've had any time off, and I think that's part of the issue with this week feeling like it's not going to end.

My sleep patterns are still all over the place. Thankfully, I've not had one of the insomnia nights this week, but I am either taking longer to fall asleep or waking earlier and can't get back to sleep, so I am tired.

It's the weekend, and I have no plans. And I kinda don't want to be sitting in on my own, but I've no idea who to reach out to.

And off the back of a conversation with FC earlier this week, I probably should get in touch with S and GM and let them know about FP.

2024

Despite the trials and tribulations of the past year and my current fatigue, I have some goals for this year, something to perhaps look forward to. I've tended not to set any goals over the past few years, but this year is different, and I have some things I'd like to work on and achieve.

1. Get some work done to the house.
   
   There's building work, upgrades (heating and kitchen) and decorating that I want to get done. The kitchen work will be extremely expensive, but I have no idea how much. So while the ultimate goal is to have a new kitchen by the end of the year, the first step is to get a quote for the building work that I need done first. Then I can think about the finer details of the kitchen itself. CC also suggested that she'd help out/project manage the work. While I don't expect her to fully take charge, I'd really appreciate her help.
   
   
2. Be more social.
   
   As recently as this morning, I bemoaned not seeing KfW2 as often as I'd like. That goes for The Crowd, too. So, I'd like to see more of my friends this year. Sadly, I'm already the one making all of the effort, but I'll have to be more insistent and persuasive. Making some new friends might also be called for.
   
   
3. Exercise more.
   
   I really enjoyed the challenge that Random Internet Woman set down in November, and I was going to build upon that in December until the family stuff happened. So, I think I'll try a minor reset. I'm thinking about a two-week walking challenge, then move on to stretching and ultimately back into Yoga or maybe those Caroline Girvan workouts on YouTube.
   
   
4. Travel.
   
   This one's not likely to happen seeing as I'm likely to be spending a lot on some home improvements this year, but I'd like to travel again. I've blogged before about some of the places on my list, and New York is still really at the top of the list.

Additionally, E is coming home over the summer, and I'm really looking forward to seeing her again. I've not swapped any messages with RIW since the end of November. I did tell her I needed space to deal with stuff and I do mean to restart our conversation, but not for a little bit.

Another lap around the sun completed.

I'm sure that I've shared before that while I don't particularly like Christmas, I do like NYE and rolling into the new year. It's a chance for reflection, a chance to plan, make goals etc.

This year, though, I've just been lonely. I woke this morning to a grand total of zero messages from friends and family wishing me a happy new year. I did swap a few messages in group chats, but I initiated all of them.

KfW2 was silent, and that's the one, I think, that I've felt the most. Since the end of the summer, she's the one person I've wanted to talk to more than anyone else, but it's been nearly impossible to catch her. Admittedly, we've had two afternoons out where we briefly covered some things that have bothered me, and that's our biggest total since before COVID-19, but it still feels that we're drifting more apart.

FP's passing has created a big hole. He was the person I'd reach out to most to bounce ideas off, to vent with, and for advice. I don't have anyone like that in my life any more. Years ago, that would have been KfW2, easily, but not now. That's due to her unavailability, rather than me not being able to open up to her.

Even the recent family stuff that I've alluded to, I've shared with my sister how tough I'm finding it, but it's falling on deaf ears.

Usually, I go back to work after the holiday period refreshed and ready to go, but I don't feel that way this year. I feel exhausted.