Blast from the past.

Yesterday, Facebook reminded me of a night I was out with DSC, many years ago, to celebrate her birthday. It wasn't anywhere I was used to going, in fact it was out of town, closer to where DSC lived. It was me and about half a dozen of her (female) friends, though not CF. I think that friendship had already gone by that stage.

But the weird thing that I remembered, and I'm not sure if I ever blogged about it was that I was convinced that DSC wanted to push boundaries that night. I can't remember the details, but there was definitely a tone to some things she said... and her friends were making comments, too.

I was never physically attracted to DSC, though she did ask me out and I told her I just saw her as a friend. And if I recall correctly, she was dating her on-again-off-again boyfriend at this time anyway, so any attraction would have been moot.

And I'm also pretty sure that I'd been very vocal about wanting to bed CF, too.

First time.

I was going to make a post about how Facebook had reminded me that today is the 13th anniversary of meeting DSC for the first time. There are pictures of us out at one of my favourite bars with her then-closest friend and other people. But I'm actually doubting myself. I can remember another day when I met DSC alone, we met for lunch and drinks, had fun, chatted, and parted ways at tea time. It was definitely one of those times that was our first meeting.

I'm actually leaning towards the alone one rather than the group one, now that I think about it. I definitely wouldn't have met her in a group for our first meeting.

Unlike other people who I've grown apart from over the course of this blog (CH being the obvious candidate here), I do not miss DSC at all.

Blast from the past.

So, rather randomly, I received a message from DSC late last night on Facebook. She's messaged before and I've just ignored the messages. I don't harbour any ill-feeling towards her, but I don't particularly want her back in my life in any manner.

However, the message was interesting.

She referenced me getting depressed and being messed up, which is really not how I remember things, though this is nine years ago. Certainly, there have been periods when I've not been happy. And I have possibly been depressed, but certainly not to the point where things were messed up or impacting anything like friendships. 

I cut ties with DSC because I didn't want to deal with her drama. She was hard work (something I only realised later when reading back on our MSN conversations), so yeah, I don't particularly want to deal with her again, and if that's her recollection of the summer of 2013, I'm better off out of it.

Here we go again.

I don't know why, but I've decided to re-open my OK Cupid account. It's been years since I had an account on a "proper" online dating site rather than one of the apps, but I've done most of the mainstream ones in the past (Match, Plenty of Fish, OKC, eHarmony) and only Match paid dividends (DSC, Date No. 1).

Even though Match owns pretty much everything these days, I've decided that OKC is the one. I don't know why. I have misgivings about the main Match.com site, about bots and fake accounts to bolster the numbers and fake traffic. Plus with it being limited free (with features locked in subscription), you can never tell if someone has read your email but not replied, or simply not read your email because they're not a subscriber (I seem to recall this was an question with CB).

But I guess I have nothing to lose at this stage, right?

Looky here!

According to Facebook, today is the anniversary of one of our more memorable big days out. KfW2 and her hubby had a fight (over nothing - they were both drunk, and we all laugh about it to this day) and it was an overall fun time.

Of course, that's not the real reason for this post, though I am frustrated that I can't "share" the memory to my timeline for some reason. The real reason is that, on one of my other "memories" for today, there's a post from DSC.

DSC has a new name.

DSC has remarried.

Oooooh.

History.

I've taken another dive into the old MSN logs, this time with a friend of mine from England and DSC. I don't know why I was reading the logs of the conversation with the English guy, but it reminded me that the whole Date No. 1 thing was only a few months before Near Miss. I'd completely lost track of when these things happened. I'd forgotten that I'd had a quick burst of "success" in meeting people.

Also... looking back, I'm wondering why I was ever a friend with DSC. 90% of the MSN conversations were her complaining about something or generally trying to make herself the centre of attention with a lot of "I can't be bothered" thrown in for good measure. I'm actually tired just reading this... how did I not see this at the time?

Rewind (Part 2)

I've continued to go through some of the old chat logs that I've found again, this time a little more recent than 2004... 2010! Specifically, 2010 and chatting to DSC. While I knew that I had said to her about finding her friend attractive, I couldn't recall any details... but I've been quite direct in the chats - appreciating DSC's friend's rack, suggesting we (myself and DSC's friend) hook up the next time we arrange a night out etc. When our conversations had substance and she wasn't just bitching about her useless boyfriend, DSC and I had some decent chat and covered some decent topics.

She was very supportive in my online dating journey, but couldn't understand how she was getting dozens of messages every day and I was getting, if I was lucky, one a month. Like KfW2, she just didn't really understand how my experiences were different and how, if I did online dating for any length of time, it really got me down.

Hooking up with DSC's friend never happened, though I do know of at least one time that DSC suggested to her friend that we get horizontal. There was a reference to a photo of DSC's friend, so I went off to Facebook to refresh my memory and got sidetracked down another rabbit hole, this time photos and a realisation (as I'd completely forgotten) of the year that MM and MMBF came out for my birthday.

I've only scratched the surface of the chat logs. I bet there are loads of memories buried in there.

Just random thoughts.

Randomly, it was my phone, not Facebook or anything else that reminded that today is DSC's birthday. It's now just over six years since I last saw her and a good few years since we lasted communicated.

Someone asked me about her recently. Well, recently-ish. I can't remember if it was KfW2 or USHW. I can't even remember the conversation that would have brought her to mind.

Ah well. Just a random thought for a Wednesday afternoon.

Pondering

According to one of those flashback things on Facebook, posted by KfW2, it made me realise that it was recently four years to the day when my friendship with DSC effectively ended. I didn't realise that at the time, mind you. It only became apparent later that I had no interest in continuing making the effort.

I'm slightly bemused by her infrequent attempts to make contact, especially the right swipes on Tinder. Not enough to actually do anything about it, mind you!

Small digest.

Another month, another "match" from DSC appearing in my Tinder companion app. I am slightly intrigued by why she keeps swiping on me on Tinder - is it simply to make contact or is/has she always been romantically interested? It's not going to make me get in touch with her though.

In other news, the long-discussed travel plans with FP have actually been finalised! We've managed to get all the ducks lined up in a row in terms of our respective time off and decent flight prices. It's all booked, paperwork is done and we'll be jetting off mid-September.

There's also a planned night out in about three weeks. So far, KfW2, FP, CC and S have all said they're going. FC, Sports Girl and GM have yet to reply. Even with those who have replied, it should be a good night.

Hmmm.

Another day, another match on Tinder by DSC (seen via a third party app) and a new message, this time by Whatsapp. She's persistent, I'll give her that.

Hello again.

I've not yet made up my mind about contacting any of the women who've magically appeared on Tinder as having matched with me, though I am toying with the idea of messaging one of them who's quite cute.

I was having another look today and who should appear on my list than DSC. That's about the third or fourth time in the past few months that she's appeared. I've swiped left every time, so she must be resetting her account.

Again?

As part of my ongoing adventures in online dating, I installed a companion app for Tinder called Flame. What this does is quickly enable you to see who's swiped right on your profile and also lets you browse potential matches instead of being drip fed them one at a time, only being given the next when you've swiped on the current.

I completely reset my account a few weeks ago after yet another match resulted in being blocked/someone deleting their account.

I've currently got five people who have swiped right on me. There were a few others but they were waaay outside my own criteria (age and distance). Out of the five, one's a cute, athletic woman who's not really evoking any strong reactions, but I am intrigued because she is athletic (some nice midriff shots). Secondly, an American who's still on the list simply because she's American but has crap photos. The third is a cute blonde near the bottom of my age range who's the most likely to get a message off me (though at this stage it's probably too late).

That leaves two people.

The fourth is a girl with whom we share a mutual friend. It's also a girl who had added me as a 'favourite' on PoF then proceeded to delete her account after I'd sent a message (and rejoined a few days later). So, that's not going to happen. She's not evoking enough of a reaction for me to overlook that.

The last one, who only swiped within the past few days, is DSC! Is she genuinely interested in me, non-platonically, or is this just another (handy, effort-free) means to try and re-instate contact seeing as we're both on Tinder? I know she asked me out years ago when we first met on Match, which I politely turned her down and we became friends. This is all just general pondering. I'm not going to match her swipe, so the contact will never be made. Even without Flame, if she popped up on my Tinder feed, I'd swipe left and be none the wiser.

I'm probably due another punch on the arm when I tell KfW2 though.

Punchy

Out of the blue, KfW2 asked if I'd ever replied to the text message that DSC had sent me months ago. I replied that I hadn't, so she punched me in the arm. Ow.

I had no interest in starting something again with DSC. She showed me how unreliable or flaky she could be and I really don't need that. It's a trait I actively avoid in people, hence frustrations with SG or CH and many undocumented frustrations with BW back in the day.

"But she might have changed!" said KfW2.

She has a point, but it's not something I'm willing to put work in to. I did it before with little reward, I'm not doing it again.

Close...

USHW and KfW2 both, seperately, keep asking me about DSC and whether or not I'm going to reply to her. I've no strong feelings either way and the reason I haven't done so already is simply because I have other things to worry about. Even if I do message her again, there's no real desire to actually meet up and socialise.

Last night, after watching Jessica Alba and getting a stirring in the loins, I actually pondered writing a message. I didn't know what to say and five minutes later, was side-tracked by something else.

Ho hum.

Maybe another time.

Blast from the past.

Spotted on Tinder this morning: DSC. Swiped left, obviously.

Also spotted - extremely cute girl. Super-liked her.

Interesting.

While searching for a friend on Facebook earlier, DSC's name popped up. Bored, I clicked on her name. It appears that she's single again. I don't know any further details, but it doesn't kinda explain the out of the blue texts from a while ago.

Part of me is glad for her. The guy she was with at the time we stopped talking was an idiot. Seriously. He was a Grade-A Man Child. Plus he had other character traits that weren't particularly nice - like overt bigotry, for example.

I'm still not tempted to get in touch though. I still don't do flaky.

Dilemma (cont'd 2)

I've made a decision on CH. Today was going to be the day I decide to pull the plug on our friendship, stop making the effort etc. but I've been mulling it over this past week. USHW helped by talking it through with me and I'm going to text her this weekend to try and get her out for lunch or a coffee ASAP.

I still might have to walk away, but I don't want to. I've left GB and DSC by the wayside with pretty much no guilt or worry over the past two years for being shit friends, but I don't want to be jettisoning friends willy-nilly. For starters, my social life is bad enough and the number of people I feel I can talk to is limited. CH can be one of those people if she'd just take some time out for me rather than try and shoehorn everyone into her own plans.

I'm possibly giving CH more leeway because I'm lonely and because there is an element of attraction there (though I know nothing will ever happen). This week especially has been tough - E has been at the forefront of my mind after she posted some good news on Facebook recently. And for some reason yesterday, I spent a lot of time thinking about CAB.

It's kinda weird though - I opened up to her and complained about feeling like an afterthought, about how conversations never seem to happen... and despite a promise that we'd meet for lunch after her holiday (after she'd been super-defensive), the conversation hasn't happened.

Still, I don't want to just walk away, but I'm not that hopeful. Let's see what the weekend brings though.

Woah.

A few years ago, when I was doing online dating for the first time and around the time I first "met" DSC and Date No. 1, I remember seeing a profile of a girl that may have been cute. The trouble was, it was a professional looking photograph and a weird pose, though the photo itself was striking and memorable. Couple that with a lack of info on her profile and what was there was really bland, I didn't follow up. So, she's not one of the hundreds of women I've contacted over the years.

Today, I discovered something: the photo (and presumably the profile) belongs to an actress which I discovered while browsing IMDB... and as luck would have it, I know something else about this actress... she lives next door to me.

Random post of nothing in particular.

While going through a couple of pictures on Facebook earlier, I noticed that DSC had reactivated her account.

I deleted her account from my friends list ages ago when we were still seeing each other because she was adamant that she would never rejoin, but I saw some picture where she was tagged or had commented in the past with a new profile picture etc.

I haven't heard from her again since the start of July and I was never in touch by myself... more to apathy than actual dislike. I just couldn't be bothered with all the drama any more.