Women and dating... hints and tips (that's a laugh).

Having been semi-active on a couple of sites/tools over the past few weeks in an attempt to increase my social life, it's clear to me that women don't know how to sell themselves to men.

OK, so I'm not great at selling myself to women, but at least I realise that and A kindly did my advertising for me (at least initially... I've added more to it since then). I also have plenty of female friends and I do listen to them... stuff does rub off, so I'd like to think I have an inkling of what to say. (That doesn't stop me from being useless at proper conversation, though).

So, ladies, this is for you. Take a look at your profile...

First of all, think about your target audience.

Yup... you're selling yourself to men. Not literally, of course, but you want to be interesting enough to men that they message you. This is especially true if you have a profile without a picture. Often, a picture will over-ride your profile as men (myself included) will overlook any potential flaws if there's a spark of physical attraction.

If you have a picture, put it up!

It's self explanatory, isn't it? Well, make it a nice one and, to pre-empt a later point, you don't need to be doing anything zany in it. Just a nice, normal photo of you looking good.

You say precious little in your profile.

Say more! How are people meant to be interested enough in you to message you if you only say "I'm useless at talking about myself". If you have trouble, get someone to help you, preferably a male. In fact, this is the best move you can make. We can tell others how we think we are, but it's others who see us for what we are.

You describe yourself as mad, wacky, zany or any other similar adjective.

Do not do this. Plenty of men are already convinced the entire female population is bonkers, myself included (after the recent RB debacle). We don't need reminding that any potential friend or date is mentally unhinged.

Do not include the fact that you like going to nightclubs to dance the night away.

OK, this is a personal one. I don't like dancing. I don't do it very often and even then, I have to be fairly inebriated. FA2 told me she knew I was good in bed by my moves on the dance floor. I've no idea if she was telling the truth, but if so, then it's no surprise that RB ran away because the night I danced with her, I was all left feet. So, if you list it as a hobby, I'll be concerned, but it won't be a deal breaker. If you actually specify in your profile that you just want to dance and dance and dance and dance, then I'm afraid it's unlikely I'll be in contact.

Txt spk.

Do not use this. I want an intelligent, articulate woman that I can talk to, not some vacuous bint.

Last read: Heat magazine.

If I see this mentioned, then you're also off the list. I don't mind people who are light-hearted and have fun, but there are limits to what is acceptable.

Yet more dreams... with a twist.

Another night, another frustrating but enjoyable dream. This time, I was out with friends from work when I bump in to RB at a pub. We get talking, I ditch my friends and head back to hers where we end up shagging all night long.

It was a weird dream for a few reasons. Firstly, I am actually going out with guys from work this weekend on a leaving bash, so it was based on something that could/will happen. Secondly, I saw RB in town today, but apart from a brief flicker of... nervousness, there wasn't a lot to say. Once again, she didn't see me, so there was no conversation. Every time I see her in town, she always looks so serious... she looks loads better when she smiles.

Why nervousness? I guess it's because any conversation we would have would always have her silence, her issues and our mutual keenness to overcome (whether that's still there on both out parts remains to be seen). It'd definitely be easier with alcohol!

I'd still love to get her in to bed, though.

Goals... an update.

OK, so the dating thing has kinda been in operation for a couple of weeks. As blogged before, I have three avenues to explore: a Facebook related application, a free dating site and match.com. Match.com is the one I've yet to focus on, being that it costs money, but A has written me a very good piece of descriptive text that should help a lot if/when I actually subscribe. Over the course of the past few weeks, my match.com profile has had a grand total of three views (though I don't have any pictures uploaded). I've no idea who has looked at my profile on the Facebook application as it's all rather vague and fifteen people have viewed my profile on the free site.

How has that translated to actual contact though?

Good question. Two girls have initiated contact through the Facebook application, but neither of them is sparking any interest and none of them are appearing on my list of potential contacts. Looks are important at least to generate interest... had I not thought RB was cute, I wouldn't have struck up a conversation, for example, so any potential contact has to be physically appealing to me. On the free site, I've had a message off one girl, but it's the same story as the Facebook application.

In terms of my own contact, on the Faceook application, I've "poked" six girls (as I had no witty comments to make) and actually 'spoken' to another, all without reply. I replied to one of the girls that "poked" me, only to be polite, but that's gone quiet too (though nothing was ever going to happen there).

With regards to the free site, there are fourteen potential contacts though really it's about eleven realistically as a few are outside my preferred geographical zone. I've tried to make contact with two of them, but with no reply after a week or so. Only one girl from my potential list has viewed my profile, and I've attempted contact.

Finally, there's match.com. I have a list of fourteen potentials, but without a subscription, I can't get in contact. I am thawing with regards paying for a dating site though and can see me coughing up the cash pretty soon if other avenues don't work out.

I'd not say that match.com has a "better" standard of female... certainly, if the pictures are to be believed, there are some corkers on all three "sites", but having read some third party comments, match.com has, well, I suppose the polite way to put it is more mentally stable females. match.com has potential pitfalls though. The social stigma with internet dating is getting less and less by the day and that's not really a concern of mine, but even with my own narrow search criteria, I've seen a co-worker (well, a girl that works for the same company as I do) and my friend's ex-wife's friend, and that's just from those who have put up a picture. Imagine turning up for a date with someone you know!

I think if my other goal of finding rented accommodation/house share actually comes to fruition soon that I might step up my efforts at the dating lark... it kinds just feels like a fact finding mission right now. I'm poking about but with no real interest.

More dreams... with a twist.

I've had the horn something bad this week. Christ knows why, but I kinda get weeks like this every now and again, especially during "dry" spells, so given the recent frustrations with RB, it's perhaps unsurprising that a period of horniness was always going to appear.

I've had two dreams this week where sex has featured quite heavily and ordinarily, they're probably not worth blogging about in themselves, but rather the subject of the dreams are. The first dream, earlier this week, featured V and myself doing the horizontal foxtrot from the time we met each other a few years ago now.

The most recent dream, last night, featured RB in her house.

Why I think these dreams are worth blogging about is that, with both these girls, when I think about them, sex is not the first thing that comes to mind. It is for other girls I know like QC3, CAB etc. V, as I think I've blogged about before, was an attractive, sexy girl that I got along with and, time permitting, could have been close friends (and maybe something might have developed). There was an element of attraction there, but I never made a move to get into her pants. I simply couldn't figure her out.

With RB, it's similar, although I very definitely was attracted to her in a physical way. I have to say that sex wasn't at the forefront of my mind when I was thinking about RB, although she has had her hands down my pants and I've had my hands inside her underwear. With RB, sex was something I knew would happen, given time and even though she was very hands-y, there was no need to rush things (though I assumed we'd screw sooner rather than later). As a result, I am quite surprised that she figured in my dreams in that way this week (though it was not any less enjoyable for it).

A conversation with F

I was chatting to F online today and her first question was whether or not I'd heard from RB. It's a question that's popped up a lot and I believe I've mentioned it before. I don't know if anyone actually expects RB to suddenly change her mind and get in contact (I don't... at least not without something to make her re-evaluate her views on any possible friendship or relationship), but they do continue to ask.

We then got onto my goals that I've recently formulated because of the RB fallout, which made me realise that I do need to be a little more pro-active in achieving them. There's no reason I shouldn't be apart from laziness, but I've been busy with work and slightly distracted because of it. That should all calm down this week, giving me a little more time to devote to the goals.

A not unpleasant Saturday evening.

In an attempt to increase my social life, I had arranged to head out this weekend with QC1 and her husband. It was my gig... I made the running and offered the suggestions, but when I sent out the 'invite', QC1 replied suggesting a local-ish pub rather than heading into the middle of town which I was unhappy about (and mentioned), but she said that her husband didn't want to go into town. Then, late on, moved the meeting time back half an hour, so all my original plans were scuppered.

Anyway, I had a nice time, though I would have preferred the middle of town. QC1 scoped the bar for potential girls, but there weren't any. QC1 asked for updates on the RB thing, but I had nothing new to say apart from seeing her in town this week and I mentioned that I didn't talk to her because of the lack of eye contact and that the ball is still in RB's court given the finality of her last email.

Then, unexpectedly, SSCW showed up looking rather nice and she was lovely to talk to - not the gruff, unapproachable girl she is to most people in the office. She seems to like me well enough though. She was surprised I was in that bar and suggested that it was the wrong place to pick up women. That's not exactly true, but going to the middle of town would offer more possibilities and SSCW, like most of my female friends, wants me to meet someone.

We left quite early, around midnight, and SSCW offered a point of view that FP had offered the previous evening in the pub, which is that QC1 and her hubby are acting like people much older than they are, what with picking the local-ish pub and leaving early.

Still, it was better than sitting in of a Saturday evening and the half an hour walk home enabled me to sober up a little. On the way back home, I passed by FA2's old house which prompted a little nostalgia mainly of the naked, horizontal kind and I tumbled into bed, falling asleep quickly no doubt due to the combination of alcohol and the walk home.

Fuckfuckfuckfuck...

After Monday's "near miss", I thought that would be it. After all, in the eight weeks since I originally met RB, I'd not seen her once around the town centre where we both work either during our lunchtimes or socially in the pub at the weekend outside of our one and only date.

Now I've seen her twice in one week and today, unlike Monday, I passed right by her. She never once glanced in my direction and I wonder if she was trying not to look. If we'd made eye contract, I would have stopped, but we didn't so I walked on and never looked back. In hindsight, I should have stopped and at least said "hi" though.

I'm still angry at myself for still being kind of interested in her, as well as being angry at the general situation. I still can't believe that something that was going so well has jut fallen apart based on RB's assumptions and seeming inability to deal with things. I should be past this by now.

Oh well, what a day.

First off, my laptop died this morning. No big deal... it's just that I need a new AC adapter, but it'll be a few days until that arrives in the post, having already ordered one. I won't be able to use my laptop until then, but it's hardly an inconvenience with my desktop sitting in the corner.

I was due to meet up with a mate at lunchtime for some junk food lunch... Burger King. On my way over, who did I see in the street? RB, that's who. I passed within 5 meters of her, but didn't stop. I don't think she noticed me, but had we had eye contact, I definitely would have stopped for a chat. After all, that's kind of what I've wanted to happen... but the thing is, it's all still in her court so to speak, which is why there'll be no contact until there's eye contact. Is that making sense? It's sounds right in my head, but not when I read it back.

However, the "near miss" with RB prompted various things this afternoon. First of all, the guy I was meeting for lunch didn't know the RB story. In fact, the last time I was speaking to him, I was on my way home from work to prepare for the date which is five weeks ago now. (Is it really that long?) So, he got the entire story. Like everyone else, he seemed dumbfounded that it has ended the way it has.

Also, there was a fair amount of frustration... mainly that I didn't get the eye contact I wanted, but also other feelings that I am unsure of. She looked as good as I remember (albeit in profile) and while I know she's only 5 foot tall, she looked, well, smaller. I guess I'm also thinking that, the way my luck is going, this was my one chance to actually talk to her and that I'll not get another one. Still... I have those other avenues to pursue... Still, I spoke to RA and A about it this afternoon, but I'm not entirely sure I've gotten my head round it all yet.

Speaking of these other avenues, I have a profile on three sites: one on match.com, one on a Facebook application site and another on a 100% free dating site. My match.com profile was written for me by A and is brilliant... very comprehensive. The Facebook thing isn't really anything other than my age etc. and requires no thought and the last one is still a work in progress. I do have my picture up on the latter two, though, hoping for something to come along.

However, after a few weeks activity on the Facebook thing, I've gotten nothing in return. I've 'prodded' seven women to try and start a conversation but nothing's been said in reply, and most of them have been online since. With the last one, I only joined at the weekend so I'm not expecting much (and I'm not seeing much, if I'm being honest... one brunette girl stands out, but that's it), so there's not a lot of activity. I might have to bite the bullet and become a full (i.e. paid up) member of match.com, but that's a last resort for me as everyone appears to be a member of at least two out of the three sites I've mentioned above.

I need something to happen soon.

Moving forward...

So, I mentioned a few things a while back that I think I needed to address after the RB incident. The major thing is my social life which sucks huge amounts of ass right now. I had been looking forward to heading out last night with FP and his mates (despite the fact I don't particularly like his mates), just to get out of the house and have a laugh for a few hours. Of course, we're dealing with FP here, so there are two things I have to state... he'll quite happily tell me on Tuesday that there are plans for Saturday night, but when I call him to arrange something, everything's left hanging until 30 mins before the taxi's due to arrive. Secondly, because it's FP, the plans he cancels on Friday night are postponed until Saturday, so everything's fucked because he can't reschedule his plans for another night... he has to reschedule for 24 hours later.

That wasn't a huge disaster as there were rumours that our mutual friend, G, was home. Sadly, G never called or texted, but there's a real possibility that I'll see him today if he's about. That'll be someone else I'll have to tell the RB tale to.

I've made this RB thing out to be a big deal, because it is. To me at least. For those that meet girls all the time, this isn't an issue. My friends know that this kind of thing doesn't happen very often so when it does, they do take an interest, because they realise that a girl must have done something right for me to connect with them.

Anyway, the two things I'm considering as a result of the RB fallout is moving out to rented accomodation (something I'd not really considered before as I'd hoped to eventually buy my own place) and some kind of social interaction... using online dating sites to meet new people, not necessarily to form romantic relationships, but just to expand my social circle. It's very early days on these and I might not do any of them, but let's have a look and see what's out there.

Get over it already!

In conversation with RA earlier, he asked the question that all the people in the know about the RB thing have asked at one point or another over the past two weeks...

"Have you heard from RB?"

I don't know if they were expecting RB to get in contact again or if this is just politeness, but it did start me thinking...

RB is keen (or she was). RB was single. RB doesn't like being single.

However, logic dictates that RB has been out of the dating scene in a while. After all, if she'd been dating recently, these issues would already be in her thoughts and I suspect she wouldn't have agreed to a date with me and the date wouldn't have gone so well. Whether this means she's rarely approached or rarely takes people up on dates shouldn't matter and is a good thing (can you hear the capitals?) If I do bump into her soon-ish, then it's entirely possible she will re-evaluate us (either as friends or more), especially if we end up having a conversation rather than, for example, her spotting me in town or at the pub. The liklihood of us meeting is small, but if we do, the possibility of me making another good impression on her is fairly good, I think. She won't suddenly change her mind out of the blue... that kind of stuff only happens in Hollywood movies unfortunately.

I can't and won't sit around waiting for that to happen and given my current mindset, I will be looking elsewhere, but I think there's cause for at least a little optimism should I see her again.

More.

I met QC1 for lunch today. She was very inquisitive regarding the RB incident that I had to tell in full again. Telling the tale leaves me weirded out. Obviously, the usual frustration rises again along with a little disappointment about the entire thing. However, afterwards, I usually end up feeling good about everything and not a little optimistic that RB might get in contact. That last bit is never going to happen, though. QC1 was a good listener and she, like everyone else that's heard the story, is astounded that it's ended this way. Ah well. I've made tentative arrangements to see QC1 and her husband soon for some pints. That'll be a good night.

I also dropped QC2 an email this afternoon seeing if we could meet up. It's not that long since I saw her last, but she does night classes that make her hard to get hold of, so I'd like to meet her for a drink or two before she gets started back into her college work. Hopefully she'll reply before the end of the week.