Number of people I might have met for coffee today: 1
Number of people I actually met for coffee today: 0
Number of people I asked to keep me up to date with coffee status: 1
Number of people that didn't keep me up to date with coffee status: 1
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
Tuesday, February 27, 2018
Same old, same old.
So, it's the evening of the day before I might meet CH for coffee. There's no snow where I am... yet. You'd think that CH should know by now if she's going to London, but I've not heard anything.
Like always, I can't help but feel like I am an afterthought or filling in a gap because something else has fallen through for CH. And just after she'd made me feel like she actually cared.
Like always, I can't help but feel like I am an afterthought or filling in a gap because something else has fallen through for CH. And just after she'd made me feel like she actually cared.
Sunday, February 25, 2018
Sigh.
A few weeks ago, before KfW2 and I had a slight issue, I had volunteered to do her a favour. Babysit her kids when she went out with her husband for dinner.
That was yesterday. CC picked me up (KfW2 actually asked CC first, but CC won't do it on her own and I have to accompany her) and off we went, picking up KfW2's parents on the way.
On the way down, when KfW2's parents weren't in the car, CC moaned incessantly about KfW2's kids.
"They're too young"
"They're a handful"
"I'm putting them to bed immediately"
I mean, FFS, if you don't want to babysit, then fucking don't.
She's done this before. KfW2's kids aren't bad kids. They are young, which can make them irritable when tired, but in general, it's just bags of energy that need to be controlled.
I barely said two words to KfW2 when I got into the house as she was running late (though not to the extent of her reputation). She shouted a quick 'goodbye' as she left, looking stunning as ever.
We put the kids to bed at their bedtimes and settled in in front of Netflix.
"I'm cold"
"Where's the live TV?"
"There's nothing to watch"
"Why is Aliens on Netflix? Netflix is shit."
Then later, after we'd watched a few movies and it had gone past midnight.
"I didn't sign on to be here after twelve."
"Text KfW2 and tell her to come home."
"It's late why aren't they home?"
It was incessant all night long. Like last time, she barely lifted a finger as I entertained the kids while they were awake. That's partly because KfW2's kids love me and CC is a relative stranger to them, but partly because CC doesn't want anything to do with them. I wonder why she offers to do the favours then bitch about it all the time while doing it.
That was yesterday. CC picked me up (KfW2 actually asked CC first, but CC won't do it on her own and I have to accompany her) and off we went, picking up KfW2's parents on the way.
On the way down, when KfW2's parents weren't in the car, CC moaned incessantly about KfW2's kids.
"They're too young"
"They're a handful"
"I'm putting them to bed immediately"
I mean, FFS, if you don't want to babysit, then fucking don't.
She's done this before. KfW2's kids aren't bad kids. They are young, which can make them irritable when tired, but in general, it's just bags of energy that need to be controlled.
I barely said two words to KfW2 when I got into the house as she was running late (though not to the extent of her reputation). She shouted a quick 'goodbye' as she left, looking stunning as ever.
We put the kids to bed at their bedtimes and settled in in front of Netflix.
"I'm cold"
"Where's the live TV?"
"There's nothing to watch"
"Why is Aliens on Netflix? Netflix is shit."
Then later, after we'd watched a few movies and it had gone past midnight.
"I didn't sign on to be here after twelve."
"Text KfW2 and tell her to come home."
"It's late why aren't they home?"
It was incessant all night long. Like last time, she barely lifted a finger as I entertained the kids while they were awake. That's partly because KfW2's kids love me and CC is a relative stranger to them, but partly because CC doesn't want anything to do with them. I wonder why she offers to do the favours then bitch about it all the time while doing it.
Saturday, February 24, 2018
Same old.
I got a text late last night from CH. She's been thinking about me recently and wants to meet for a coffee... if she's not in London.
This is in slight contrast to her previous promise, five weeks ago, that she'd call to see me (I assumed at my house). But it's completely in character for her. Over promise, under deliver on her terms. Given the circumstances surrounding our last communication, it's disappointing that she reverted back to type.
Still, I grumble, but it would be nice to see her.
This is in slight contrast to her previous promise, five weeks ago, that she'd call to see me (I assumed at my house). But it's completely in character for her. Over promise, under deliver on her terms. Given the circumstances surrounding our last communication, it's disappointing that she reverted back to type.
Still, I grumble, but it would be nice to see her.
Thursday, February 22, 2018
Pondering. And more pondering. And some more for good measure.
Over the past few years, with various pieces of information coming my way, I've often wondered if I should be tested for autism. I've not read up on the subject as much as I perhaps should have, but there are different things that people have said, regarding their own experiences with autism, that definitely resonate.
A few years ago, Channel 4 did a night dedicated to autism and as part of that, there was a quiz. Answer questions - around 50 if I recall correctly - and it would give you a vague understanding of your own mind. As it happens, I scored enough to suggest that I was further into the autism spectrum than most, without actually scoring highly enough to recommend a proper test.
I've found it difficult pinning down actual characteristics, but I do, for example, tend to take a lot of things literally which can be a characteristic.
If things don't make sense, or I think they're wrong, then my brain hurts. Like trying to thread a needle with unsteady hands.
The recent performance review thing is a prime example. It's taken most of my focus over the past year, ensuring I'm ticking the right boxes to get a good score. My bosses say that our goals are SMART. If our goals are SMART then I have to score well, because I've ticked the boxes and other haven't. If I score well, then I get a good pay rise and a better bonus.
But my boss didn't score me based on SMART goals. He picked favourites and used gut feelings and that hurts my brain on top of making me frustrated and angry.
I don't know what a diagnosis would accomplish - it's not that I've been held back by who I am, if there is anything to diagnose, but it might explain a few things.
A few years ago, Channel 4 did a night dedicated to autism and as part of that, there was a quiz. Answer questions - around 50 if I recall correctly - and it would give you a vague understanding of your own mind. As it happens, I scored enough to suggest that I was further into the autism spectrum than most, without actually scoring highly enough to recommend a proper test.
I've found it difficult pinning down actual characteristics, but I do, for example, tend to take a lot of things literally which can be a characteristic.
If things don't make sense, or I think they're wrong, then my brain hurts. Like trying to thread a needle with unsteady hands.
The recent performance review thing is a prime example. It's taken most of my focus over the past year, ensuring I'm ticking the right boxes to get a good score. My bosses say that our goals are SMART. If our goals are SMART then I have to score well, because I've ticked the boxes and other haven't. If I score well, then I get a good pay rise and a better bonus.
But my boss didn't score me based on SMART goals. He picked favourites and used gut feelings and that hurts my brain on top of making me frustrated and angry.
I don't know what a diagnosis would accomplish - it's not that I've been held back by who I am, if there is anything to diagnose, but it might explain a few things.
Wednesday, February 21, 2018
And it goes on...
I've posted recently that I'm working side-by-side with KfW2 on a big project. We're right in the middle of a time-critical period where we have to get a lot of work done, quickly.
As a result, I've effectively cancelled all my meetings this week. Nothing is more important, work-wise, than this project.
One such meeting was with someone in another department. I wasn't a required attendee, just optional, but I cancelled anyway.
"Sorry, I can't make this meeting. I have important things to do that must take priority."
My boss was not impressed.
"If you cancel a meeting, you must let me know."
FFS. He didn't arrange the meeting, so this request that I tell him if I cancel a meeting with someone else is fucking appalling. He also knows how important this work is.
Then, the meeting request came through for tomorrow. I was now a required attendee.
It's this kind of micromanagement that causes stress. I can't manage my own work and my boss is making stupid decisions because I cancelled today. Is this meeting time critical? No. Is this work important? No. Is this petulant? It feels like it.
As a result, I've effectively cancelled all my meetings this week. Nothing is more important, work-wise, than this project.
One such meeting was with someone in another department. I wasn't a required attendee, just optional, but I cancelled anyway.
"Sorry, I can't make this meeting. I have important things to do that must take priority."
My boss was not impressed.
"If you cancel a meeting, you must let me know."
FFS. He didn't arrange the meeting, so this request that I tell him if I cancel a meeting with someone else is fucking appalling. He also knows how important this work is.
Then, the meeting request came through for tomorrow. I was now a required attendee.
It's this kind of micromanagement that causes stress. I can't manage my own work and my boss is making stupid decisions because I cancelled today. Is this meeting time critical? No. Is this work important? No. Is this petulant? It feels like it.
Tuesday, February 20, 2018
Unanswered Questions
After a long period, I finally have the answer to something that's confused me. During a conversation about dating with IG:
IG: Not sure if he was considering a no strings situation, but I shut that down instantly.
Ruuude: Not your thing or not with him?
IG: Not my thing at all. Surprised you’d even have to ask that.
Ruuude: I'd assumed that was the case, but I can't claim to know you well enough to be able to say with absolute certainty.
And there we go. Reading back on IG's original message and it still gives off the impression of wanting to come to mine for sex. But it wouldn't have been no-strings and I could have found myself in another K situation.
IG: Not sure if he was considering a no strings situation, but I shut that down instantly.
Ruuude: Not your thing or not with him?
IG: Not my thing at all. Surprised you’d even have to ask that.
Ruuude: I'd assumed that was the case, but I can't claim to know you well enough to be able to say with absolute certainty.
And there we go. Reading back on IG's original message and it still gives off the impression of wanting to come to mine for sex. But it wouldn't have been no-strings and I could have found myself in another K situation.
Monday, February 19, 2018
Where does the time go?
I can't remember the exact date, but it was around this time of year, that I realised that FA2 was interested in me from a non-platonic perspective. There had been other fleeting thoughts maybe a year earlier, but I'd not really given them any thought and we hadn't really seen each other regularly enough to see if my hunch was right.
As I've no doubt explained before, I was out with BW and FA2, but I was trying to figure out what FA1's romantic status was. FA1 was someone I'd been trying to figure out for a while - at least a year. She obviously liked me at least platonically - she'd invited me to loads of parties at her student house. Though during the early days, she was involved with a bloke. But we did seem to have at least a little chemistry.
The boyfriend was soon kicked to touch for effectively being useless - spending too much time with his mates instead of FA1, arriving into social events completely wankered etc. Nice bloke, just too much of a student to be a serious boyfriend.
That evening, I was putting in some serious groundwork with FA1 when she let slip that she'd met a bloke. It was early days, but had potential. So, I gave up on the groundwork and just had some fun with her. Eventually, FA1 and her friends all left, leaving me, FA2 and BW.
We ended up going back to FA2's. I was quite drunk. When BW excused himself to use the toilet, FA2 suggested I sit beside her. Before I knew it, we were kissing. To say that BW was surprised on his return was an understatement. I was surprised!
It was nearly three months after this first time that we eventually became an item after quite a few mistakes from me.
Months again, after FA2 and I became official that I learned from a mutual friend that BW had the biggest crush on FA2.
That was twenty years ago, this year. Twenty years.
As I've no doubt explained before, I was out with BW and FA2, but I was trying to figure out what FA1's romantic status was. FA1 was someone I'd been trying to figure out for a while - at least a year. She obviously liked me at least platonically - she'd invited me to loads of parties at her student house. Though during the early days, she was involved with a bloke. But we did seem to have at least a little chemistry.
The boyfriend was soon kicked to touch for effectively being useless - spending too much time with his mates instead of FA1, arriving into social events completely wankered etc. Nice bloke, just too much of a student to be a serious boyfriend.
That evening, I was putting in some serious groundwork with FA1 when she let slip that she'd met a bloke. It was early days, but had potential. So, I gave up on the groundwork and just had some fun with her. Eventually, FA1 and her friends all left, leaving me, FA2 and BW.
We ended up going back to FA2's. I was quite drunk. When BW excused himself to use the toilet, FA2 suggested I sit beside her. Before I knew it, we were kissing. To say that BW was surprised on his return was an understatement. I was surprised!
It was nearly three months after this first time that we eventually became an item after quite a few mistakes from me.
Months again, after FA2 and I became official that I learned from a mutual friend that BW had the biggest crush on FA2.
That was twenty years ago, this year. Twenty years.
Reasons to be cheerful...
It should have been a good day. The thing with KfW2 looks resolved. We chatted a bit and nothing seemed out of the ordinary, so my gut feeling over the weekend was simply me assuming the worst and over-analysing stuff. I tend to do that with nothing else to occupy my mind.
One of the work things is on its way to being resolved and first impressions are that I'm going to be successful... to a certain extent. I'm not going to get the recognition that I feel I deserve, nor will that result in a pay re-alignment that I was aiming for.
Chatting with KfW2 on the way home, we were both pessimistic about what's going to happen this year. We can't see it being a good year for anyone on our team with the current management and excessive workload. We've both decided, separately, that trying to be good, to forge a career, isn't worth the effort. KfW2 is looking to move on. She's talked about it, on and off, since I've known her, but this time feels different.
So, while there were definite reasons to be positive, the end of the day has left me feeling somewhat empty.
One of the work things is on its way to being resolved and first impressions are that I'm going to be successful... to a certain extent. I'm not going to get the recognition that I feel I deserve, nor will that result in a pay re-alignment that I was aiming for.
Chatting with KfW2 on the way home, we were both pessimistic about what's going to happen this year. We can't see it being a good year for anyone on our team with the current management and excessive workload. We've both decided, separately, that trying to be good, to forge a career, isn't worth the effort. KfW2 is looking to move on. She's talked about it, on and off, since I've known her, but this time feels different.
So, while there were definite reasons to be positive, the end of the day has left me feeling somewhat empty.
Sunday, February 18, 2018
State of mind.
It's been a tough start to the year, for reasons that I don't particularly want to get in to right now, but they're both personal and professional.
I can't remember the last time I had any kind of prolonged decent sleep.
KfW2 and I had a chat a few days ago that wasn't a fight per se, but wasn't a kick in the ass off it IMO. She came out of it feeling better or so she claims, but I didn't. The reasons for the chat were professional rather than personal and haven't been addressed just yet.
I'm a little disappointed that KfW2 hasn't reached out over the weekend after a long week. Since the chat, we've only really spoken about work.
Things should resolve themselves over the next few weeks, but the one thing that's bothering me most is this disagreement with KfW2. We've never had one before that was in any way serious.
Right now, I'm stressed, tired, mentally fatigued, lonely and generally unhappy. A state of mind that's been all too familiar recently.
Still, £141 million to be won on Tuesday. That'll make things better, right?
I can't remember the last time I had any kind of prolonged decent sleep.
KfW2 and I had a chat a few days ago that wasn't a fight per se, but wasn't a kick in the ass off it IMO. She came out of it feeling better or so she claims, but I didn't. The reasons for the chat were professional rather than personal and haven't been addressed just yet.
I'm a little disappointed that KfW2 hasn't reached out over the weekend after a long week. Since the chat, we've only really spoken about work.
Things should resolve themselves over the next few weeks, but the one thing that's bothering me most is this disagreement with KfW2. We've never had one before that was in any way serious.
Right now, I'm stressed, tired, mentally fatigued, lonely and generally unhappy. A state of mind that's been all too familiar recently.
Still, £141 million to be won on Tuesday. That'll make things better, right?
Thursday, February 15, 2018
BIG SIGH (What?)
I was right - kinda. We didn't fight, but we chatted this morning. She's angry. I'm angry. She's frustrated. I'm frustrated. She's not right. I'm not right. I understand where she's coming from, but I think she's wrong to direct her anger at me. Most of the problems we're facing are due to other influences and that's where she should be directing her frustration and anger.
Oh, and letting me get on with my job instead of continually telling me what to do would also help.
Oh, and letting me get on with my job instead of continually telling me what to do would also help.
Wednesday, February 14, 2018
BIG SIGH
There's something in the air. That something, dear reader, is a storm cloud. I feel that, any day now, KfW2 and I are going to have a fight.
We're working on a project together. I say "together", but really it's mostly her (excellent) work and I'm just doing some technical donkey work to help out.
Except communication, at least on a project basis, is not KfW2's strong point.
She's stressed about an upcoming deadline. I'm stressed about an upcoming deadline. She's frustrated that I'm not getting stuff done as quickly as she (or I) would like. I'm frustrated because she only drip feeds information or changes her mind without telling anyone.
A few weeks ago:
KfW2: Can you do X for me?
Me: Yup.
*Ruuude goes off to research X*
KfW2 (a few hours later): Can you do Y for me?
Me: I'm trying to get X done for you.
KfW2: Oh, I did that already.
Me: *silently* FFS.
Today:
KfW2: Can you do Z for me?
Me: Yup.
*Ruuude goes off and starts on Z, which will take all day*
KfW2 (a few hours later): Can you do A for me?
Me: I was doing Z.
KfW2: Forget that, do A instead.
Me: OK.
KfW2: (20 minutes later) Have you done A yet?
Me: No, nothing's working, I'm trying to figure it out.
KfW2: *list a couple of things to try*
KfW2 (5 mins later): Have you done those things I suggested yet?
Me: No, I was trying some other stuff
I know she's frustrated. If she pulls this off she gets massive amounts of kudos. But she's all over the place, doing ten things at once with most of the knowledge in her head. I like getting one or two things done and moving on. But having her chop and change and breathing down my neck is making me frustrated and often giving me little information to start. She doesn't have to tell me for the tenth time when the deadline is... I know!
Sigh.
Also: what a great Valentine's Day post.
We're working on a project together. I say "together", but really it's mostly her (excellent) work and I'm just doing some technical donkey work to help out.
Except communication, at least on a project basis, is not KfW2's strong point.
She's stressed about an upcoming deadline. I'm stressed about an upcoming deadline. She's frustrated that I'm not getting stuff done as quickly as she (or I) would like. I'm frustrated because she only drip feeds information or changes her mind without telling anyone.
A few weeks ago:
KfW2: Can you do X for me?
Me: Yup.
*Ruuude goes off to research X*
KfW2 (a few hours later): Can you do Y for me?
Me: I'm trying to get X done for you.
KfW2: Oh, I did that already.
Me: *silently* FFS.
Today:
KfW2: Can you do Z for me?
Me: Yup.
*Ruuude goes off and starts on Z, which will take all day*
KfW2 (a few hours later): Can you do A for me?
Me: I was doing Z.
KfW2: Forget that, do A instead.
Me: OK.
KfW2: (20 minutes later) Have you done A yet?
Me: No, nothing's working, I'm trying to figure it out.
KfW2: *list a couple of things to try*
KfW2 (5 mins later): Have you done those things I suggested yet?
Me: No, I was trying some other stuff
I know she's frustrated. If she pulls this off she gets massive amounts of kudos. But she's all over the place, doing ten things at once with most of the knowledge in her head. I like getting one or two things done and moving on. But having her chop and change and breathing down my neck is making me frustrated and often giving me little information to start. She doesn't have to tell me for the tenth time when the deadline is... I know!
Sigh.
Also: what a great Valentine's Day post.
Monday, February 12, 2018
Valentine's Day etiquette?
"Is it this Wednesday that you're out with CC?" I asked. KfW2 looked insulted.
"Nooooo! It's Valentine's Day!" she declared.
"But you think it's nonsense. Hubby thinks it's nonsense. So why treat it differently?"
"It's no wonder you're single" she teased.
"But if your marriage has proper romance in it, then you shouldn't need to worry about this one day. You two do loads for each other!"
"Yes, but you still can't do that on V-Day. I can't say to hubby that I'm off to the pub*"
"I don't see why not, if both of you feel the same way," I mused.
"And again, you're the single one," KfW2 laughed.
*Cocktails followed by the latest 50 Shades of Grey movie. KfW2's hubby won't know what hit him at 11 PM on Thursday night.
"Nooooo! It's Valentine's Day!" she declared.
"But you think it's nonsense. Hubby thinks it's nonsense. So why treat it differently?"
"It's no wonder you're single" she teased.
"But if your marriage has proper romance in it, then you shouldn't need to worry about this one day. You two do loads for each other!"
"Yes, but you still can't do that on V-Day. I can't say to hubby that I'm off to the pub*"
"I don't see why not, if both of you feel the same way," I mused.
"And again, you're the single one," KfW2 laughed.
*Cocktails followed by the latest 50 Shades of Grey movie. KfW2's hubby won't know what hit him at 11 PM on Thursday night.
Sunday, February 11, 2018
Pondering.
Unlike Christmas and especially the New Year period, as a long-term singleton, Valentine's Day isn't a big deal for me. I don't get more lonely in the same way that I do at Christmas, for example.
But that hasn't stopped me looking through Tinder and the other online dating sites/apps. Someone has popped up a few times - stunningly attractive with piercing blue eyes. She was described to me as a blonde Emma Willis, which is a great description of her. I've not yet matched with her on Tinder, but she is very much someone that I would like to meet, ignoring a couple of things (namely religion and kids).
It turns out that she used to be married to a high profile (where I'm from) sportsman. I found this out by accident when looking through the website of my local newspaper and saw an article about her.
Add to that the recent spotting of Orlaith McAllister as well as a nationally renowned clothing designer, then it seems to me that there seems to be fair amount of high profile/successful women on Tinder locally.
This is just an observation. I'm not suggesting anything.
Does this translate across the rest of the UK, I wonder?
But that hasn't stopped me looking through Tinder and the other online dating sites/apps. Someone has popped up a few times - stunningly attractive with piercing blue eyes. She was described to me as a blonde Emma Willis, which is a great description of her. I've not yet matched with her on Tinder, but she is very much someone that I would like to meet, ignoring a couple of things (namely religion and kids).
It turns out that she used to be married to a high profile (where I'm from) sportsman. I found this out by accident when looking through the website of my local newspaper and saw an article about her.
Add to that the recent spotting of Orlaith McAllister as well as a nationally renowned clothing designer, then it seems to me that there seems to be fair amount of high profile/successful women on Tinder locally.
This is just an observation. I'm not suggesting anything.
Does this translate across the rest of the UK, I wonder?
Saturday, February 10, 2018
Guess what?
I had unexpected visitors yesterday - KfW2 and her troop.
Don't get me wrong, I love having guests (I don't have enough IMO) and KfW2's family are no exception, but it's not sitting in a cosy pub with KfW2, having adult conversations that are personal rather than work related.
I could talk to her about it - I already have to a certain extent, but as USHW suggested a while ago, she might not realise how important those times are to me. As I may have pondered in another post recently, I think she doesn't differentiate between visits like yesterday and a night at the pub. After all, I probably see more of KfW2 than any of her other friends.
And we've had a conversation before where we agreed that time was the most precious thing you can give. This was after her unreliable friend was very generous with a Christmas or birthday present. The gift, whilst lovely, did not make up for the fact that she was forever cancelling on KfW2.
I kinda don't want to talk to her about it though. I don't want to guilt her into something that she doesn't have the time to do. I'd far rather she did it because she wants to.
Don't get me wrong, I love having guests (I don't have enough IMO) and KfW2's family are no exception, but it's not sitting in a cosy pub with KfW2, having adult conversations that are personal rather than work related.
I could talk to her about it - I already have to a certain extent, but as USHW suggested a while ago, she might not realise how important those times are to me. As I may have pondered in another post recently, I think she doesn't differentiate between visits like yesterday and a night at the pub. After all, I probably see more of KfW2 than any of her other friends.
And we've had a conversation before where we agreed that time was the most precious thing you can give. This was after her unreliable friend was very generous with a Christmas or birthday present. The gift, whilst lovely, did not make up for the fact that she was forever cancelling on KfW2.
I kinda don't want to talk to her about it though. I don't want to guilt her into something that she doesn't have the time to do. I'd far rather she did it because she wants to.
Thursday, February 08, 2018
Sigh (Part 3)
It was well past 7 PM when I left work with KfW2 this evening. We were standing at the bus stop chatting and eventually...
"So...." she began. "When's your cocktail party?"
I'd pondered out loud about hosting something like that a week or so ago.
"Well, FP isn't about until mid-March. You're out of action* until the start of April. You're looking at mid-April before a window opens up, assuming everyone's available"
"Get it sorted!" she laughed.
It's frustrating. I can spend time with KfW2 and her family, but getting her alone is much harder than it should be. USHW suggested there was something else going on that was deliberately making alone adult time (not a euphemism) with KfW2 an impossibility. I don't agree, but it doesn't stop me being annoyed.
*About ten minutes prior to this bit of the conversation, KfW2 had laid out in detail, her social engagements over the next four weeks, including a night out with CC and a re-arranged night out with her friend.
"So...." she began. "When's your cocktail party?"
I'd pondered out loud about hosting something like that a week or so ago.
"Well, FP isn't about until mid-March. You're out of action* until the start of April. You're looking at mid-April before a window opens up, assuming everyone's available"
"Get it sorted!" she laughed.
It's frustrating. I can spend time with KfW2 and her family, but getting her alone is much harder than it should be. USHW suggested there was something else going on that was deliberately making alone adult time (not a euphemism) with KfW2 an impossibility. I don't agree, but it doesn't stop me being annoyed.
*About ten minutes prior to this bit of the conversation, KfW2 had laid out in detail, her social engagements over the next four weeks, including a night out with CC and a re-arranged night out with her friend.
Wednesday, February 07, 2018
Sigh (con't)
Don't get me wrong, she has that annoying CH-like tendency to always get her own way, regardless of how small the "victory" is.
But, much like CH, she is excellent company. We were only out for two hours, but the time flew by, reminiscing, talking about old flames, old friends and how we met and when... and us both steadfastly not mentioning that I had my tongue in her mouth the same evening.
I wish the evening could have lasted just a little longer, but I'm back home now.
But, much like CH, she is excellent company. We were only out for two hours, but the time flew by, reminiscing, talking about old flames, old friends and how we met and when... and us both steadfastly not mentioning that I had my tongue in her mouth the same evening.
I wish the evening could have lasted just a little longer, but I'm back home now.
Sigh.
"All set for tonight?" I asked.
"Actually, I had to bring my car to work and it's parked nearby. Can we meet near me instead?"
It's not massive inconvenience - a 15 minute walk instead of 5 minutes - but this is always the case. Much like CH, QC1 will make whatever arrangements you like, but if they're not convenient to her then a last minute "emergency" will mean that these arrangements need to be changed to something to suit her.
It's one of the reasons I stopped making the effort with her a while back. Once I left the arrangements to her or AM, I stopped seeing them. It was two years almost to the day since I last saw QC1. Same for AM. And at the time they both wanted to see more of me. I did what I always do; tell them to arrange something and I'll be there.
If it weren't for exceptional circumstances, tonight wouldn't be happening.
I asked KfW2 where she was going with her friend. Tonight's cancelled. This is not a big surprised. KfW2's friend is even less reliable than CH.
"You should come to Nando's with me and QC1" I jokingly offered. "I know how to treat a woman."
"I'd actually love that," she said "but I'm out next week with CC, then there's the husband's birthday stuff to sort"
So... she was due to be out tonight, she's out next week with CC for drinks, I did some babysitting before Xmas when she was out with her best friend, plus numerous spa days with the same three girls over the past year. I can't get her out for a drink. Sigh. I'd say something, but it seems petty and childish to raise it. I am disappointed though.
"Actually, I had to bring my car to work and it's parked nearby. Can we meet near me instead?"
It's not massive inconvenience - a 15 minute walk instead of 5 minutes - but this is always the case. Much like CH, QC1 will make whatever arrangements you like, but if they're not convenient to her then a last minute "emergency" will mean that these arrangements need to be changed to something to suit her.
It's one of the reasons I stopped making the effort with her a while back. Once I left the arrangements to her or AM, I stopped seeing them. It was two years almost to the day since I last saw QC1. Same for AM. And at the time they both wanted to see more of me. I did what I always do; tell them to arrange something and I'll be there.
If it weren't for exceptional circumstances, tonight wouldn't be happening.
I asked KfW2 where she was going with her friend. Tonight's cancelled. This is not a big surprised. KfW2's friend is even less reliable than CH.
"You should come to Nando's with me and QC1" I jokingly offered. "I know how to treat a woman."
"I'd actually love that," she said "but I'm out next week with CC, then there's the husband's birthday stuff to sort"
So... she was due to be out tonight, she's out next week with CC for drinks, I did some babysitting before Xmas when she was out with her best friend, plus numerous spa days with the same three girls over the past year. I can't get her out for a drink. Sigh. I'd say something, but it seems petty and childish to raise it. I am disappointed though.
Break.
Due to circumstances beyond my control, the whole New Year, new fitness plan never kicked off in January.
Anyone who's read the blog by now knows my goals - change eating habits (well, tweak, really) and take on more exercise (do DDP Yoga and potentially add Freeletics later) for weight loss.
Obstacles should be behind me now, so I can actually get started... if I can get the motivation. Work is exhausting me at the moment and I'm coming home from work mentally drained. Not physically, which I could battle through. Mentally though, once I get into the house, I find myself in front of the telly or the PC, vegging out.
I know that the exercise will help with the mental exhaustion, but it's a chicken and egg thing. I know I enjoy DDP, so it shouldn't be this difficult.
I need to break this habit. DDP and Freeletics should take less than an hour each (and it'll be a while before I am fit enough to consider doing both in one day).
I will do this.
Anyone who's read the blog by now knows my goals - change eating habits (well, tweak, really) and take on more exercise (do DDP Yoga and potentially add Freeletics later) for weight loss.
Obstacles should be behind me now, so I can actually get started... if I can get the motivation. Work is exhausting me at the moment and I'm coming home from work mentally drained. Not physically, which I could battle through. Mentally though, once I get into the house, I find myself in front of the telly or the PC, vegging out.
I know that the exercise will help with the mental exhaustion, but it's a chicken and egg thing. I know I enjoy DDP, so it shouldn't be this difficult.
I need to break this habit. DDP and Freeletics should take less than an hour each (and it'll be a while before I am fit enough to consider doing both in one day).
I will do this.
Tuesday, February 06, 2018
Hello!
It's been quiet recently, social-wise, but things are picking up. I'm out tomorrow for dinner and drinks with QC1, who I've not seen in a couple of years.
I told this to KfW2. She raised any eyebrow.
"I'm out on Wednesday too. Out for dinner and drinks with *friend*"
"Well, if you see me out with an attractive blonde girl, don't get any ideas, she's just a friend," I joked.
A friend who I've kissed and asked out on a date (unsuccessfully) and was attracted to for a long time, but KfW2 doesn't know that... yet.
FBS has suggested drinks "soon". It's KfW2's hubby's birthday soon and she invited me out to that (though I'm still waiting for our own night out and the fact that she's out at the same time as I'm out with QC1 is disappointing). S, FC, GM etc. have spoken about a night out.
And... *dramatic noise* CH promised that she'd call round (I presume to my house) off the back of some bad news she knew I'd recently received. It's not a night out, but it would be alone time with CH and a chance to chat. Now, that was three weeks ago and I've not heard from her since, but under the circumstances, it'd be really disappointing if she wasn't at least in contact soon.
And there are other things going on, a little further away, but the immediate future looks social.
I told this to KfW2. She raised any eyebrow.
"I'm out on Wednesday too. Out for dinner and drinks with *friend*"
"Well, if you see me out with an attractive blonde girl, don't get any ideas, she's just a friend," I joked.
A friend who I've kissed and asked out on a date (unsuccessfully) and was attracted to for a long time, but KfW2 doesn't know that... yet.
FBS has suggested drinks "soon". It's KfW2's hubby's birthday soon and she invited me out to that (though I'm still waiting for our own night out and the fact that she's out at the same time as I'm out with QC1 is disappointing). S, FC, GM etc. have spoken about a night out.
And... *dramatic noise* CH promised that she'd call round (I presume to my house) off the back of some bad news she knew I'd recently received. It's not a night out, but it would be alone time with CH and a chance to chat. Now, that was three weeks ago and I've not heard from her since, but under the circumstances, it'd be really disappointing if she wasn't at least in contact soon.
And there are other things going on, a little further away, but the immediate future looks social.
Sunday, February 04, 2018
First down.
Usually, at this time of year, there's a gathering at D's house. Myself, D, Opinionated Guy and one or two others all gather to watch the Superbowl.
That's not the case this year as D is in the middle of a training course for a new job, so staying up until 4 AM, drinking and snacking, is not an option.
I could host at mine, but D is the real driving factor behind the Superbowl parties. In fact, this is the first time in a long time - well over twenty years - that I won't watch all of the Superbowl. I'll catch the first half maybe, but go to bed. I've not taken my now-traditional day off work, so it's an early rise to ensure I'm ready to go when KfW2 knocks on the door.
That's not the case this year as D is in the middle of a training course for a new job, so staying up until 4 AM, drinking and snacking, is not an option.
I could host at mine, but D is the real driving factor behind the Superbowl parties. In fact, this is the first time in a long time - well over twenty years - that I won't watch all of the Superbowl. I'll catch the first half maybe, but go to bed. I've not taken my now-traditional day off work, so it's an early rise to ensure I'm ready to go when KfW2 knocks on the door.
Saturday, February 03, 2018
Deja vu.
About nine months ago, I matched with three attractive women on Tinder. The one I thought was the cutest of the three disappeared before I could message her and I couldn't summon the motivation to message the other two. That's not a sleight on those two remaining women, by the way, just that I won't message women unless I'm really interested in meeting.
As luck would have it, these other two have remained in my "match" list since last April, whereas anyone I actually want to message, disappears after a day or so e.g. CC's cute friend, the girl from last April etc.
But this week's been tough on me, so I was looking through my Tinder companion app. Lo and behold, the cute girl from last April has apparently swiped right on me again. I say "apparently" because the companion app has been giving me some strange results recently - girls who show as swiping right on me one day, disappear the next.
A cute friend of my sister's is one example. I don't know if I would ever message her - I'm stupidly private and wouldn't want details of my private life getting back to people I know. But she is really cute.
If I do match with the cute girl, I won't be hanging around this time around.
As luck would have it, these other two have remained in my "match" list since last April, whereas anyone I actually want to message, disappears after a day or so e.g. CC's cute friend, the girl from last April etc.
But this week's been tough on me, so I was looking through my Tinder companion app. Lo and behold, the cute girl from last April has apparently swiped right on me again. I say "apparently" because the companion app has been giving me some strange results recently - girls who show as swiping right on me one day, disappear the next.
A cute friend of my sister's is one example. I don't know if I would ever message her - I'm stupidly private and wouldn't want details of my private life getting back to people I know. But she is really cute.
If I do match with the cute girl, I won't be hanging around this time around.
Friday, February 02, 2018
Bad idea.
I've thought about IG's offer again over the past few days. I know that I shouldn't, but I really need the release.
I don't even know if it's still on the table. We'll find out next time she's out and drunk, I guess. Though after this conversation recently, I don't know. People who are "old fashioned" do not make booty calls, hoping to get fucked.
Ideas Girl:
That’s men’s work and I’m gonna be single forever *laughing emoji*
Ruuude:
Men's work? Pfffft!
Ideas Girl:
Men, yes. Sweaty men.
Ruuude:
Calm yourself ffs
Ideas Girl:
While I bring them lemonade. I’m a terrible advocate for women
Ruuude:
And lemonade? What is it, the 1950s?
Ideas Girl:
If you listen to me, you’d believe it.
Ruuude:
I would?
Ideas Girl:
People in general. I’m fairly old fashioned
Ruuude:
In what way? Do you say "I do declare!" and think 20 cigarettes a day is exercise?
Ideas Girl:
A lot of ways, but I’ve never smoked in my life. It’s horrible.
Ruuude:
I wasn't being serious about the smokes, IG!
I don't even know if it's still on the table. We'll find out next time she's out and drunk, I guess. Though after this conversation recently, I don't know. People who are "old fashioned" do not make booty calls, hoping to get fucked.
Ideas Girl:
That’s men’s work and I’m gonna be single forever *laughing emoji*
Ruuude:
Men's work? Pfffft!
Ideas Girl:
Men, yes. Sweaty men.
Ruuude:
Calm yourself ffs
Ideas Girl:
While I bring them lemonade. I’m a terrible advocate for women
Ruuude:
And lemonade? What is it, the 1950s?
Ideas Girl:
If you listen to me, you’d believe it.
Ruuude:
I would?
Ideas Girl:
People in general. I’m fairly old fashioned
Ruuude:
In what way? Do you say "I do declare!" and think 20 cigarettes a day is exercise?
Ideas Girl:
A lot of ways, but I’ve never smoked in my life. It’s horrible.
Ruuude:
I wasn't being serious about the smokes, IG!
Thursday, February 01, 2018
What the?
It's been an interesting week to say the least. It's been very stressful as well.
I don't have the time or, quite frankly, the energy, to get into it in detail right now, but while the stress may be gone, the fallout of the past few days will take a while to settle.
I don't have the time or, quite frankly, the energy, to get into it in detail right now, but while the stress may be gone, the fallout of the past few days will take a while to settle.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)