A Hands-On Connection

I think I've figured out why I've been so damned horny all week and it's probably not surprising. It's not simply being horny. I think it tied into general loneliness which was exaggerated with last week's family stuff and currently being single. I've also posted, in the past, about being touch starved, and that's still a thing, too.

So it all kinda rolled up into one big "loneliness" ball last week that partly, though strongly, manifested itself as me being really horny and desiring intimate physical contact that means not just sex but cuddling too. 

It's still a bit of an issue, but I've not been thinking about K on waking for the past few mornings. 

Hello, goodbye.

I got through a lot of socialising yesterday. I'd list the names of those in attendance, a lot of which would be familiar to readers of this blog, but the ones I wanted to call out were KfW2 and G. I also didn't do as much mingling as I perhaps should have. I pretty much neglected some family, though not on purpose.

When KfW2 was leaving, she promised to call today, so I'm hoping to hear from her. I might also be meeting G again this evening for a few quiet drinks. That'd also be welcome.

Too long.

GM called round last night. That's the first I've seen him in, I dunno, maybe 18 months. And it kinda made me a bit sad. GM needs a friend, but by his own admission, is useless at staying in contact. He's still getting over his last breakup which has cost him a friend group, he's facing his own issues with mental health and family. More socialising would help him a lot, I think, and I think he realises that too.

We settled in for a chat, and were still going after two and a half hours. And it wasn't small talk, it was a proper chat. That's why I liked spending time with GM. It's the kind of chat I don't get from many other people. Offhand, I can only think of G and KfW2 where we actually get into the meat and drink of the things we talk about, and I don't have that enough in my life, I think.

Having recognised his inability to be in contact more, will that change? I'm pessimistic. GM has admitted his uselessness before while at the same time desiring more in-person time with his friends. Is this a genuine turning point or just the same thing again?

Talk back.

I did send out the messages to The Crowd and D, FBS etc. and got the messages back that I'd expected. I think GM said that he'd call round to see me. On a side note, while I've spoken to KfW2 a couple of times, I'm a little sad she hasn't actually visited.

I will see her tomorrow, albeit only for a few minutes, but it'll be great to see her.  

D'oh!

I was chatting to KfW2 earlier and I realised that I needed to share some news with The Crowd and D, FBS etc. So I've fired off a quick WhatsApp message to all of them, to keep them updated.

What?

Every morning for the past few days, I've woken up thinking about K. I don't recall any dreams, though my sleep has been excellent, mainly due to spending all day being busy with the fallout from the family stuff.

And not thinking about K in any other way other than sexual, recalling the night we had sex and the weekend in Scotland where she allegedly tried for a repeat. 

I would have gladly slept with her again if she hadn't been carrying round that determination that we'd eventually be a couple, and I do sometimes wonder what she would have been like in bed, with time, comfort and privacy; three things we didn't really have when we fucked. I think we could have had a really good time.

I'm a little confused why I'm thinking about K and why it's purely sexual and why I have been uncontrollably horny this week. That's the last thing I expected after the family stuff.

Onto the next phase.

The current phase of the family stuff has finally been resolved. It's a bit of an emotional roller-coaster, but still not half as bad as I was expecting it to be. There's still a final phase to go through, but that'll mostly be handled by other people and will likely take about a year.

But the important bit is done and, despite what's happened (I realise that I am being deliberately vague here), the results are as good as we could have expected, with the timing being equally as good.

Que sera sera

Right about now, I should be leaving the house to meet KfW2 for dinner and drinks. A "date" that I've been trying to arrange for ages and something I've been looking forward to for a long time. However, family stuff has gotten in the way and it hasn't yet resolved itself.

The expectation was that it could have been finished, or this stage finished, a few days ago, but it's just taking a long time to get to the point that my sister and I want to be.

KfW2 has been in touch daily since we decided to rain check. As much as her flakiness can frustrate me, when she needs to step up, when things get serious, she can be relied on.

Free failing.

Another recurring dream of mine last night: that I'd failed my university exams. It's always university exams, never GCSEs or A-Levels. And the dream's always the same: I know I've failed them, I was totally under-prepared and I have to sit there while my peers celebrate their exams.

The relief when I wake and realise that my university years were 30 years ago and I'll likely never have to sit an actual exam ever again is palpable.

When I have recurring dreams like this, I always remember back to FBS's house. She had a book about understanding dreams. On her bedside cabinet? Beside the sofa in the living room? I can't recall the exact details.

Apparently a dream about failing exams usually means you feel anxious, stressed, or underprepared for a challenge in your waking life. 

Plot twist.

Until yesterday, part of me had expected KfW2 to invite CC to our dinner and drinks. It was a gut feeling. I was getting the same vibes as I had done from a few years ago where KfW2 refused to commit to a time for dinner and when I tried to book something, options were limited.

When I offered her the choice of where to go and the times, she threw a huff and shared that she'd also invited CC, and we ultimately met for dinner at a restaurant near her house (20 miles away) and that was it - no drinks after or anything.

So, yeah, given her inability/reluctance to nail down a time for dinner, I was getting those vibes again. 

But then it turns out that I'd forgotten that CC's in Portugal with GB. A fact that I was only reminded about when GB posted on Facebook. Lots of pictures of food, no pictures of CC in a bikini.

So...

The decision was taken out of my hands... ish. KfW2 phoned and we chatted. I shared the news and she immediately offered to rain check. That was never in doubt, really. She might be flaky when it comes to nights out but she's understanding and empathetic, and that's why I value our time together, and alone, because when I do open up, she's always there.