Sad Face

I was in the middle of making dinner last night when my phone pinged several times. It was KfW2. It was a pattern that long-term readers will find familiar coming from KfW2:

"I've missed you! We've not spoken in ages!"

"When we come back from holidays, you have to come and visit cos I won't be able to afford to go out!"

And then a gif and a voice note, all interspersed with a few "lol"s for good measure.

But this is a pattern. We don't see each other for ages, I suggest going out, KfW2 is unavailable then claims she can't afford to go out, and we end up having drinks at hers.

I'm partly to blame. I've not been in touch with her for months and the last time we spoke a few weeks back, she beat me to the call by about 10 mins: I was going to call her after seeing my Dad, but she called as I was leaving.

There are a number of reasons why I'm a little disappointed in the messages. I'm glad she was in touch. Having my friends get in contact proactively or even visit is hugely important to me. But if she'd done it tomorrow? That would have been so much better, for personal reasons (and she did cover that in her voice note). I'm also meant to be doing her a favour, and I was expecting to see her in person on Friday. But there's been no mention of that.

Here's looking at you.

I think my brother in law made a bit of a faux pas last night. I got a WhatsApp message from him, and I only saw it briefly. It mentioned my weight loss, fairly accurately too, so I think he used AI to determine how much weight I've lost because I've not told anyone exactly how much I've lost.

But the message was quickly deleted and he shared a photo from last Monday's family event: a picture of me, him and my nephew. And I have to say, it's a great picture of us.

But it's the first time I've seen "me" since I started the weight loss journey over 18 months ago. I mean, I've looked in the mirror but I've not seen a photo and it was difficult to recognise the person looking back at me. There's the weight loss, of course, but due to hair loss, I've also started keeping my hair really short.

So the face looking back at me from the photo was familiar,  but it wasn't me. In a good way, I think.

Bittersweet memories.

Facebook has shown me a picture of a pint of beer from three years ago today. I recall the day well: I met with FP and BR, we went to a restaurant, chatted then ended up in a pub that's close by.

It's memorable for all the wrong reasons. FP shared news about his illness with BR. BR shared news with FP about his addiction problems. And while the news sharing wasn't fun or great, it was great catching up with the guys, and the conversation quickly turned more positive and happy, even though strictly speaking, we shouldn't have been in the pub, but BR insisted it was OK and we did want to continue our conversation.

And a final, less positive note on this memory, it was the last day I saw FP in person. A very bittersweet memory. 

I'll have a beer later, I think. 

Looking good.

For the first time in a long time, V's posted on Facebook. A selfie of her and someone else going to a World Cup match. V has Italian and Argentinian heritage, and is very proud of both. And I have to say, she's looking very well in the selfie.

Sun's out!

I'm due to take some time off, ten days, in fact, and I'm looking forward to the break. I have some stuff to do about the house to prepare for the big work that's happening at the start of next month, and there's some stuff in the garden that I'd like to do. And that's handy because the weather for the next week is meant to be very good.

That means pleasant time in the garden, beers, books and music. And a very pleasant way to spend my time off instead of sat in front of a computer, like I normally do.

Hello?

I sent E a WhatsApp message a few days ago as it was her birthday. According to WhatsApp, she's not even read it, never mind acknowledged it. I hope things are OK. I don't think we've swapped messages since the start of the year.

Let's go!

G sent a text message to say that he'd be home in two weeks time. From the way he was talking, there could be a good chance we have a proper night out. I'd like that. I feel the need for spending some time with a close friend. Recent socialising with family and work colleagues has been fun, but it's not scratched that itch that a night out with friends would satisfy.

Starry eyed.

A bit of a weird dream last night: I was working in an old people's home that I think was owned and operated by my parents. For some inexplicable reason, several times a year, we needed to do some big work to a deadline - lots of admin and paperwork, some handiwork and decorating and things like that, but my Dad would always wait until the last minute and I'd get roped into helping him even though I disagreed with how he did things.

So far, not so weird and it did kind of mirror something that happened in real life. Where it gets weird is that the people who would drop in to help out would be A-list celebrities: Jennifer Lawrence, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake all featured. There were more, but I don't remember who else was there.

And it seemed that I was really friendly with both Jennifer Lawrence and Scarlett Johansson, generally chatting about all sorts including our respective careers and private lives. 

And... well, that's about it. 

Urgh.

Despite my social life being very quiet these days, I've now been in the pub three times since Sunday: the gig with Quiet Girl, a family thing on Monday evening and a work thing last night.

I wasn't expecting a lot from last night, to be honest, but it was surprisingly good fun.

Feeling it a little today. not a hangover per se, but a lack of sleep. Roll on 5 PM. 

You know, who?

Morena Baccarin's Instagram posts from today are giving me off some serious KfW2 vibes. It's the glasses, I think.

Urgh.

I was invited to a family thing last evening, and I'd been looking forward to it for a while. But after the meal, we adjourned to a bar and I felt really off. Not ill or anything, but just something. I wasn't drunk - I only had like four drinks. But while I enjoyed myself, I was very antsy. I just don't know why.

I left, came home (quite early) and went straight to bed. I've been awake since just after 3 AM, and it's killing me. And I do feel a little off today, ina physical way. I don't know if there's something else going on or if it's the lack of sleep.

I also remember a very small portion of a dream where actress Kaley Cuoco was comforting me for some reason. She pulled me into her chest, then started kissing me. And that's all I can remember.