Free failing.

Another recurring dream of mine last night: that I'd failed my university exams. It's always university exams, never GCSEs or A-Levels. And the dream's always the same: I know I've failed them, I was totally under-prepared and I have to sit there while my peers celebrate their exams.

The relief when I wake and realise that my university years were 30 years ago and I'll likely never have to sit an actual exam ever again is palpable.

When I have recurring dreams like this, I always remember back to FBS's house. She had a book about understanding dreams. On her bedside cabinet? Beside the sofa in the living room? I can't recall the exact details.

Apparently a dream about failing exams usually means you feel anxious, stressed, or underprepared for a challenge in your waking life. 

Plot twist.

Until yesterday, part of me had expected KfW2 to invite CC to our dinner and drinks. It was a gut feeling. I was getting the same vibes as I had done from a few years ago where KfW2 refused to commit to a time for dinner and when I tried to book something, options were limited.

When I offered her the choice of where to go and the times, she threw a huff and shared that she'd also invited CC, and we ultimately met for dinner at a restaurant near her house (20 miles away) and that was it - no drinks after or anything.

So, yeah, given her inability/reluctance to nail down a time for dinner, I was getting those vibes again. 

But then it turns out that I'd forgotten that CC's in Portugal with GB. A fact that I was only reminded about when GB posted on Facebook. Lots of pictures of food, no pictures of CC in a bikini.

So...

The decision was taken out of my hands... ish. KfW2 phoned and we chatted. I shared the news and she immediately offered to rain check. That was never in doubt, really. She might be flaky when it comes to nights out but she's understanding and empathetic, and that's why I value our time together, and alone, because when I do open up, she's always there.

Well, fuck.

The bad news that I was hoping to share with KfW2 at the weekend has gotten worse to the point where I might actually have to rain check the dinner "date" with KfW2 on Saturday.

Part of me thinks I should call her tonight and just do it, but part of me thinks that things could stretch out for a week or so and I really could do with a night out with someone who wasn't family. So that part of me is thinking that I give it 24 hours before I make a decision.

Finally!

It's only taken a week and FOUR requests, but KfW2 has, at last, told me when she's free this weekend. I've managed to book the restaurant and now I pivot to a different kind of stress. Will she be on time? 

Oh, and she's invited someone out to join us after food. They may or may not come out. Sigh. I'm really disappointed that she doesn't get it by now, that getting her out, on her own, is a big deal to me. It was only a few days ago that I told her I was really looking forward to this night out.

I have news to share. It's not good news, though it's not unexpected. But it's the type of news that, once shared, would make anyone feel guilty that meeting up, face to face, is this much work. It's news that she will want to know.

But, y'know, even with it all, I'm looking forward to it, to seeing her and having at least an hour or so to ourselves at the very least. 

What time is it?

One of the last things I wanted to accomplish today was to nail down a time for Saturday for meeting KfW2 for dinner and drinks. Regular readers will know that this is always an issue when do manage top agree on a date. KfW2 has a blind spot for this and I always have to ask several times for her to tell me what time she's free. Like really force it out of her.

I'm single and free all weekend. She's married with kids, so has a husband and the kids to work around. It's not like I can simply book something and she can work round it. For all I know, she wants a mid-afternoon start and a mid-evening finish. And I'd be all for that. But it could be a lunchtime thing (I hope not) or an actual evening thing (very unlikely).

I've already asked her twice and I am just off the phone, having left a voicemail, to make three times in total over the last six days. So that's three times in total I've explicitly asked her for a time. Sigh. 

Great success!

The good news is that I accomplished most of what I wanted to do today. And the stuff that didn't get done was because I can't find the paperwork or I'm waiting for other stuff to be completed before I can move forwards.

I'm glad. I genuinely thought, at lunchtime, that this was going to be a wasted day of annual leave, but three phone calls, two emails, a bank transfer and two-and-a-bit hours later and I'm wrapping up.

I was supposed to be meeting Nerdy Girl this evening for a walk, but she's yet to confirm. It wouldn't bother me if she didn't confirm: I'm exhausted. Doing that stuff today was emotionally taxing. Though the weather's nice, so a walk would be pleasant.

Oh, and as I am typing this out, NG has rain checked this evening.

Shhhhh!

I did end up taking today off work, but I've not yet start the stuff I want to do. A builder has turned up to finish off the work that was started a few weeks back and he's creating a hell of a noise, so me being on the phone trying to sort stuff out isn't happening. 

I'm useless on the phone at the best of times, so having this distraction is something I could do without. Hopefully though the guy will be finished before lunch and I will have the afternoon to get the three or four phone calls (and other things) completed.

Who are you?

I didn't get the stuff done today that I was planning yesterday, but it wasn't due to laziness. Rather, I got sidetracked into doing some house stuff like prepping the garden for winter:, packing up the garden furniture, mowing and trimming the lawn etc.

It actually makes sense that I do the other stuff tomorrow because I might have to make some phone calls. The downside is that I might have to take tomorrow off, if I want to get everything done, because they're not the kind of tasks I can do in 5 mins if I get some quite time while working.

I did sleep well last night and woke refreshed this morning. I do recall a dream, or at least a bit of a dream that featured CAB. In the dream I was at a party, possibly at KfW2's house, and she introduced to me a friend. When I looked up, her friend was standing with his "plus one" who was CAB who, for some reason, didn't recognise me.

I don't remember a lot more about the dream than that, but it provoked a smile when I recalled it when I woke. And a little nostalgia about CAB, of course. 

Urgh.

I was quite drunk last night. I got a decent night's sleep, but struggled to get out of bed this morning. After indulging in some 'me time', I eventually got out of bed just before 11 AM. But I've been feeling muggy all day. I always do after a night out drinking.

I'm already looking forward to my bed tonight and having a clearer head tomorrow. I have stuff I need to do that requires concentration. 

Back chat.

I've posted before about my appreciation for women's backs and, by extension, women in backless dresses. So I was pleasantly surprised to see this picture of Desi Lydic around the recent Emmys. I think I've posted her before because when she does hosting duties on The Daily Show, she wears suits. And i love women in suits.

But this backless dress is doing things for me. I love the backless dresses that go all the way to the base of the spine - I think they're incredibly sexy.