Urgh.

I was invited to a family thing last evening, and I'd been looking forward to it for a while. But after the meal, we adjourned to a bar and I felt really off. Not ill or anything, but just something. I wasn't drunk - I only had like four drinks. But while I enjoyed myself, I was very antsy. I just don't know why.

I left, came home (quite early) and went straight to bed. I've been awake since just after 3 AM, and it's killing me. And I do feel a little off today, ina physical way. I don't know if there's something else going on or if it's the lack of sleep.

I also remember a very small portion of a dream where actress Kaley Cuoco was comforting me for some reason. She pulled me into her chest, then started kissing me. And that's all I can remember.

Let's dance!

I think yesterday's gig could be regarded as being A Great Success. For starters, Quiet Girl loved the band. She's not someone who's usually outwardly enthusiastic, but she was very positive about the band. On the other hand, I have mixed feelings about Mr Quiet Girl - he was very drunk. He didn't get very drunk but rather he seemed to be very drunk from his arrival, which wasn't a great look if you ask me. Additionally, he disappeared randomly and probably missed half the gig, though QG said he would likely do that.

Additionally, and as a complete surprise, AM and her family turned up.

Once I'd arrived and secured seats, I took a quick snapshot of the band finishing off their soundcheck. I posted it in the silent WhatsApp chat (remember that?) and captioned it with "I'm here, are you close?"

It was a sarcastic post as no-one had arranged anything except Mr AM posting about the gig.

Mr AM replied a few minutes later:

"We're on our way!"

I assumed the message was, like mine, sarcasm. So imagine my surprise when, 20 minutes later, AM and her family walked in through the door. I introduced AM to QG and we settled in for the gig.

We also put tentative plans in place for food and drinks towards the end of next month and bemoaned the fact that no-one else ever did any organising.

All-in-all, a great Sunday. 

Vibing.

So the long-term weather forecast has indicated there might be another spell of good weather in about a week's time. I don't have the skin type for these heat waves, but the dunny weather does great things for my mood and mental health. It'd be better if the good weather held off for two weeks, because I am taking some time off work that week, and a week sat in the back garden with cold drinks and books and music would be fantastic. Just pure vibes.

Let's dance!

Quiet Girl IMed me earlier to say they'd decided that they were going to go to the gig at CB Pub. I've offered her M's ticket, which she's accepted. She wants to give me money, but I've shot that down. It's not a huge amount of money, but she won't take 'no' for an answer. We've agreed that she'll buy me a drink and that'll be payment.

Hmmm.

In the space of a few hours, both M an Quiet Girl have suggested they might not go to the Sunday afternoon gig in CB Pub with my favourite local band. Well, to be perfectly accurate, M has directly said that he won't be going due to his MM double-booking him for a birthday BBQ.

Quiet Girl has suggested that, because it's a tickets (i.e. paid) event and because she has guests over, they might not make it either due to price and potentially the guests wanting to sightsee rather than go to a gig.

I said that I'd be there regardless and if she does decide to go, I have a spare ticket courtesy of M's unavailability. 

Weather or not.

Despite feeling overwhelmed with adulting stuff, I was returning from some family stuff earlier and part of that was getting the bus home. I have a choice on the bus journey, I can get off close to where I think Chloe lives (where she told me she lived) or I can get off the bus close to my office.

If I took the latter option, I'd be roughly just under 2 miles from my house and there's a bus that would drop me pretty much outside my front door. If I got off near Chloe, it's roughly two and a half miles home.

However, due to the weather, I decided on the former. I had my earphone with me, I put on a Spotify playlist and walked home. The bright sunshine and scorching temperatures, even with the exercise, really put me in a better mood.

We have one more day of really great weather left (according to the current weather forecast) before it turns cooler and less sunny. It would have been great had it lasted into the weekend. If I hadn't been on a training course this week, I'd have definitely taken a last-minute day off.

Ooof.

I've been feeling very overwhelmed today. There's a lot of stuff going on and I'm useless at adulting. I'm semi-regretting agreeing to do KfW2 a favour, though this is about me and other things I have going on, nothing to do with KfW2 herself.

The house stuff is already stressing me out and it's not due to happen until around the start of August. There are a few unknown factors in there, and that stresses me out. The family stuff has been ongoing for a couple of weeks and show no signs of ending in the near future. I've a phone call scheduled for Friday around the family stuff and it's stressing me out. I'm useless at phone calls. I prefer to do things over email or instant chat where I have a record of things or things written down.

But for some reason, it all hit me today and that resulted in me being overwhelmed.

Suits you, sir.

A post made on Reddit asked how old was the oldest piece of clothing that people own. My record is 31 years: a t-shirt that I bought at a gig back in, I think, 1995. It's on its last legs, but there's a bit of sentimental value to it. It was a gig I was at with D and FBS and had a great time (this was long after my dalliance with FBS).

But I also have another t-shirt that's over 18 years old. This one doesn't really have sentimental value - I don't recall where or when I bought it - but I do remember that I wore it on my "proper" date with Recruitment Bird. Does getting handsy and making out with RB mean that I can attach sentimental value to a t-shirt? Maybe it does.

We're a few weeks away from it being the 18th anniversary of the start of the RB thing, but I think it's time that the t-shirt gets retired*

*binned. 

Something to ponder.

I've been thinking about the Male Loneliness Epidemic recently. It's a big thing online. I don't know if it's as pervasive in real life, but I know that it's something I think about quite often. Regular readers will know that I've posted about loneliness before and my issues with my sister/brother-in-law and KfW2 always putting the responsibility for being in contact on me.

Often, from my perspective, the issue is not being alone but the quality of company when I do hunt it out. And "company" is doing a lot of heavy lifting there. I don't think I'm explaining myself too well. It's not the company per se but really how the company comes about and what happens when in company.

Even a nonsense conversation has value if someone seeks me out and makes the effort to get in touch. I was stupidly pleased when KfW2 got in touch at the end of last week, even if it was only because she subsequently wanted a favour.

Having loved ones take some time out of their day to get in touch means an awful lot to me. I get zero from my sister. I can't remember if I've blogged about this before, but I've lived in this house for ten years and my sister has never popped in for an impromptu chat and coffee. She has been here, but there's always a specific reason for her to be here. But she's very much of the mindset that people go to her.

KfW2 has semi-pivoted to that. She used to pop in quite frequently, but since Covid, that's all but gone. She's mentioned more than once that I am always welcome down at hers when I need company, which is great, but sometimes I just wanna get her on her own, no hubby, no kids, and be open with her.

FP has been a big loss and probably a big factor to me feeling lonely more frequently these days as we'd chat a few times a month, in person, in the pub.

Conversations with G scratch that itch, but he's only ever home once every few months and we usually grab an hour or so to chat over coffee or a beer.

And to give an example where it doesn't have to be in-person and more about the kind/quality of communication, USHW and I used to have ongoing rambly email conversations that often got quite deep and often quite personal. And I held those in great regard. Even the quick WhatsApp chats we have these days can sort of get there, just not to the same detail that they would have years ago.

So, yeah, for anyone reading this, people don't necessarily have to be isolated or alone to feel lonely. It's always worth reaching out to your loved ones, and it's even better to make the effort and see them in person. 

Favourtown.

The cynical part of me had this niggling doubt about why KfW2 was so adamant that we met for lunch or something last week. It was too last minute, she seemed far too earnest for it to be nothing. And as I've already said, it really wasn't what I wanted, which was a good few hours in some decent surroundings, being friends. We've not done that since last year.

So I can't say that I was surprised when she sent a text message on Saturday asking for a favour. A pretty big favour. A repeat of the favour she asked of me in February.

I, of course, said "yes". I'm never going to leave a friend in need if I can, and the timing actually works out pretty well.

She's already been gushing with her thanks, and it means a lot to hear that - not everyone is as grateful as she is.

Gasp.

Remember in my last post, I said that the weather was great and that I am always more frisky in good weather?

Well, I should have added that I was out on a walk yesterday morning and as it was heading back home, I called into a local coffee place to treat myself to a latte.

As I collected my drink and turned to leave, I had to stop my jaw from literally dropping. Three women had joined the queue behind me, probably mid to late 20s. But they were, in my mind, dressed for clubbing and they were all stunning. 

But it was the style of clothing they were wearing.

 

This is Hollywood actress Jessica Henwick. I don't know what she's been in, but her dress is almost identical to what one of the women was wearing yesterday. I'm not complaining or being judgemental - she can wear what she wants - but I thought it was unusual to see this kind of glam in my home city, and at 11:30 AM on a Saturday morning in a coffee shop.