Ooof.

I've been feeling very overwhelmed today. There's a lot of stuff going on and I'm useless at adulting. I'm semi-regretting agreeing to do KfW2 a favour, though this is about me and other things I have going on, nothing to do with KfW2 herself.

The house stuff is already stressing me out and it's not due to happen until around the start of August. There are a few unknown factors in there, and that stresses me out. The family stuff has been ongoing for a couple of weeks and show no signs of ending in the near future. I've a phone call scheduled for Friday around the family stuff and it's stressing me out. I'm useless at phone calls. I prefer to do things over email or instant chat where I have a record of things or things written down.

But for some reason, it all hit me today and that resulted in me being overwhelmed.

Suits you, sir.

A post made on Reddit asked how old was the oldest piece of clothing that people own. My record is 31 years: a t-shirt that I bought at a gig back in, I think, 1995. It's on its last legs, but there's a bit of sentimental value to it. It was a gig I was at with D and FBS and had a great time (this was long after my dalliance with FBS).

But I also have another t-shirt that's over 18 years old. This one doesn't really have sentimental value - I don't recall where or when I bought it - but I do remember that I wore it on my "proper" date with Recruitment Bird. Does getting handsy and making out with RB mean that I can attach sentimental value to a t-shirt? Maybe it does.

We're a few weeks away from it being the 18th anniversary of the start of the RB thing, but I think it's time that the t-shirt gets retired*

*binned. 

Something to ponder.

I've been thinking about the Male Loneliness Epidemic recently. It's a big thing online. I don't know if it's as pervasive in real life, but I know that it's something I think about quite often. Regular readers will know that I've posted about loneliness before and my issues with my sister/brother-in-law and KfW2 always putting the responsibility for being in contact on me.

Often, from my perspective, the issue is not being alone but the quality of company when I do hunt it out. And "company" is doing a lot of heavy lifting there. I don't think I'm explaining myself too well. It's not the company per se but really how the company comes about and what happens when in company.

Even a nonsense conversation has value if someone seeks me out and makes the effort to get in touch. I was stupidly pleased when KfW2 got in touch at the end of last week, even if it was only because she subsequently wanted a favour.

Having loved ones take some time out of their day to get in touch means an awful lot to me. I get zero from my sister. I can't remember if I've blogged about this before, but I've lived in this house for ten years and my sister has never popped in for an impromptu chat and coffee. She has been here, but there's always a specific reason for her to be here. But she's very much of the mindset that people go to her.

KfW2 has semi-pivoted to that. She used to pop in quite frequently, but since Covid, that's all but gone. She's mentioned more than once that I am always welcome down at hers when I need company, which is great, but sometimes I just wanna get her on her own, no hubby, no kids, and be open with her.

FP has been a big loss and probably a big factor to me feeling lonely more frequently these days as we'd chat a few times a month, in person, in the pub.

Conversations with G scratch that itch, but he's only ever home once every few months and we usually grab an hour or so to chat over coffee or a beer.

And to give an example where it doesn't have to be in-person and more about the kind/quality of communication, USHW and I used to have ongoing rambly email conversations that often got quite deep and often quite personal. And I held those in great regard. Even the quick WhatsApp chats we have these days can sort of get there, just not to the same detail that they would have years ago.

So, yeah, for anyone reading this, people don't necessarily have to be isolated or alone to feel lonely. It's always worth reaching out to your loved ones, and it's even better to make the effort and see them in person. 

Favourtown.

The cynical part of me had this niggling doubt about why KfW2 was so adamant that we met for lunch or something last week. It was too last minute, she seemed far too earnest for it to be nothing. And as I've already said, it really wasn't what I wanted, which was a good few hours in some decent surroundings, being friends. We've not done that since last year.

So I can't say that I was surprised when she sent a text message on Saturday asking for a favour. A pretty big favour. A repeat of the favour she asked of me in February.

I, of course, said "yes". I'm never going to leave a friend in need if I can, and the timing actually works out pretty well.

She's already been gushing with her thanks, and it means a lot to hear that - not everyone is as grateful as she is.

Gasp.

Remember in my last post, I said that the weather was great and that I am always more frisky in good weather?

Well, I should have added that I was out on a walk yesterday morning and as it was heading back home, I called into a local coffee place to treat myself to a latte.

As I collected my drink and turned to leave, I had to stop my jaw from literally dropping. Three women had joined the queue behind me, probably mid to late 20s. But they were, in my mind, dressed for clubbing and they were all stunning. 

But it was the style of clothing they were wearing.

 

This is Hollywood actress Jessica Henwick. I don't know what she's been in, but her dress is almost identical to what one of the women was wearing yesterday. I'm not complaining or being judgemental - she can wear what she wants - but I thought it was unusual to see this kind of glam in my home city, and at 11:30 AM on a Saturday morning in a coffee shop.

Bah!

I was going to make a post about the weather changing seeing as yesterday and today have been glorious, but despite England getting a heatwave, and the temperatures here getting into mid-20s C, we're not actually getting a spell of sunny weather. 

Tomorrow's meant to be rubbish, Tuesday looks OK and then that's it. Hot and wet after that. That's how I like my girlfriends, not the weather.

Maybe that's not a bad thing, though. I've posted before about how the hot weather affects me and I have been extremely frisky over the past 48 hours. 

What?

I had the weirdest dream last night. In it, a close friend was murdered, but before he died, he gave me a piece of technology. And from then on, I was chased around my home city, movie-style, by archetypal bad guys in black Range Rovers. In many of the "scenes" in my dream, I was naked for seemingly no reason.

I woke up before the bad guys caught me but also before any kind of resolution (or I'd forgotten it). 

Urgh.

I don't know what's going on, but I've been in a bit of a funk over the past few days. I could point to some obvious factors: the weather being rubbish, family stuff, not seeing anyone outside of family in weeks. But I can't say that any of them are responsible for the funk. Something feels off/missing, but I don't know what it is.

Oh? Ah.

I still haven't gotten around to doing the exercises for my back that I put together a few weeks back (probably more than that now tbh), but I have been making more of an effort to be on my feet more, doing stuff. And do you know what? That alone is starting to pay dividends.

Don't get me wrong - more, quicker, better recovery will require doing the exercises - but this feels like a good starting point and the slight easing of pain during the day does indicate that my own intuition about the root cause of the pain is actually correct.

LOL.

I was swapping messages with USHW and she said something that provoked a memory of CAB.

I was out at a pub with CAB and BW and a few others including BW's younger brother. We were having a discussion of some kind, a light-hearted "boys vs girls" kind of conversation when BW's little brother proudly pronounced that "blokes invented batteries" and sat there feeling quite smug.

We knew what the undercurrent was of that, but it was kinda surprising to hear that come from BW's little bro.

"Blokes didn't invent fingers though, did they?" retorted CAB.

BW's little bro was flabbergasted. We all laughed at him.

"Looks like you lost, go get some drinks in!" laughed BW.

So... yeah... an enjoyable semi-conversation with USHW today and an enjoyable memory of CAB. 

Sigh.

KfW2 called as I was getting on  the bus earlier. Was I free for lunch on Friday? Or if I wasn't was I free for an hour to go for a walk and some fresh air because she misses me and we've not seen each other since, what, March?

But she'd have to go and collect the kids from school.

So, a rushed affair. Not the lunch "date" I'd have liked - having a leisurely lunch, some drinks and then a couple of hours chilling in a bar, chatting.

It nearly always seems to turn out like this. KfW2 even  managed to mention that she'd just spent a lot of money on clothes for her kids - a school uniform for next year. She didn't say outright that she couldn't afford our usual afternoon out, but it felt like it was being implied.

I always feel bad complaining about this aspect of KfW2 because she did call me, she did offer to do something, and that's more than a lot of friends of mine would have done.

But I have been looking forward to going to a nice restaurant, hitting a nice bar and having some quality time with a friend.