No title.

KfW2 asked me what was wrong today. Apparently I didn't look great and had been doing a lot of sighing.

I replied honestly. I didn't know.

I am out of sorts - I've been tired, both physically and mentally for a while now and I seem run down but without any one, obvious reason.

If I had to guess, I'd suggest that the whole flat thing - TV Guy, Heating Guy and my plans to move house are all affecting me and it's more stressful than I realise. The CH thing has probably played into that as well as well as the usual funk. Work's been a bit of a chore recently, trying to get recognition for the work that I do. It's a pent up thing - being unable to properly relax, I think.

I need something - a holiday, to meet someone or even just to get this whole house thing sorted - to be able to relax, and that will probably make things better quite quickly.

In apropos of nothing...

Facebook reminded me today that it was FA2's birthday. If it is FA2's birthday today, then three days ago, it would have been our anniversary, though the was some debate about the exact timing. I'm not going to go into it again - I think I've posted about it before.

No real reason for mentioning it other than it was something I thought about today.

Must be funny...

Following on from this post, I'm still waiting for TV Guy to give me the money he owes. In fact, I'd almost say that he's been keeping a really low profile. Sigh. I think he'll eventually hand over the money, but he will immediately complain about the TV package that we have.

Personally, I don't care. I've recently had a chat with AM about taking the TV package with me when I move (and off the back of the post linked above, the house-hunting is in full swing) and that's not an issue. If TV Guy wants a new TV package i.e. a cheaper one, then he can get it himself when he renews the lease at the end of the summer.

Still, I need to actually get TV Guy and ask him outright for the cash. It's taking the piss that this is the sixth or seventh time he's been asked to set up a recurring bank transfer for a paltry sum each month.

It's amazing that grown men are this petty or tight.

Last minute meet up.

It wasn't exactly last-minute, but there was only a few days notice between the latest text message and a big night out with Friction Guy, Opinionated Guy and D. FBS was unable to attend because it was so short notice. But, it was a good night regardless. Rarely does anything major happen, but it's still nice to meet up and see how we're all doing.

There have been some worthy things of note since we all last met up - deaths, illnesses, marriages and some big personal projects as well, and these were all covered over the course of the night.

KfW2 was mentioned because Friction Guy spotted us out a few weeks ago, but hadn't come over to say "hello", so there was lots of questions about whether or not I was on a date. I mentioned the "friends" angle, but I had said the same thing about FBS and QC3 (we were all part of the same circle at one point), even though, without my knowledge, FBS had admitted to sleeping with me and QC3 had admitted a huge crush that she didn't act upon.

Still, later a young woman came over and asked to blag a cigarette. I gave her one of D's and we (myself and Opinionated Guy) chatted to her for a bit. Later, as D and Friction Guy were at the bar, she came back and I gave her one of mine. Again, we chatted for a bit, then it was time to leave.

Opinionated Guy was adamant that we should stay.

"Ruuude's practically pulled there!" he declared.

I'm not entirely sure I agree. She was cute, I'll give her that, but in her mid-twenties, I'm not sure what would have happened (my age never came up) and I was in that drunk state where I really couldn't be bothered putting in any effort and the notion of going home had embedded itself into my head.

"Nah, it's OK. Time to call it quits" I said. I had work the next day and it was already late.

Still... it'll give them something to talk about the next time we meet up.

Things that make you go "WTF?"

I asked KfW2 about her questions that were prompted in this post. Surprisingly, it looks as if CH was quite forthright to KfW2 and the outcome is this, broken into points as I understand it from CH's perspective:

• CH has a bad start to the year, work-wise, resulting in lots of stress, breaking down in work etc.
• I don't understand her commitments
• She can't make time for one to one chats with people, she's got too many people to see
• She got scared/concerned about how full-on I was

I can't accurately describe how I felt about it. Angry, a little. Annoyed, definitely a bit. Something else? Definitely, but I can't put my finger on it.

The first point, I know nothing about, and arguably, that's part of the problem. I deliberately took a step back at the start of the year to see if CH would step up. A test, of sorts. She didn't pass. Attempts, by me, to get her alone for a chat were constantly ignored (though, I never actually said "alone", I thought it was implied enough). I was going through a rough enough time of my own at the start of the year and desperately wanted to talk to someone in person (both USHW and KfW2 were sounding boards, but I needed that face time).

Eventually, around St. Valentine's Day, I sent a text - I had concerns, were we, as friends, OK? From here on in, the problems started. CH simply wasn't getting it. This wasn't a knee jerk reaction from me, it was going on longer than that. The conversation went something like:   

I don't understand her family commitments that may cause her to cancel sometimes (even though I have plenty of family and friends who I socialise with with families). 

I don't understand her geographical issues about her living out of town  (I do completely - I send invites to include her with no expectations until she says she's going to attend). 

I've tried getting her out alone cos there are times I want to chat about something specific and don't want to do it in the work's canteen or with others, but I'd never forced the issue.

I've tried chatting over electronic methods, but there are always other things distracting her.
I'm full on (sometimes I am, but this time, the subtle approach wasn't working).

That conversation finished with her seemingly taking the points on board (especially about wanting to see her alone) and agreeing to meet after her half-term holiday.

Three weeks after that, I sent a message asking how her holiday was and if we were still going to meet. She set a date for a week later.

The day we were due to meet, I got an email. She was at a funeral and had to cancel.

At the end of March, I got a message from her with a video clip that I would enjoy. In fact, "if anyone appreciates this, it's you!". We swapped a few more messages, then I again asked about lunch.

She made a date of the next Monday at lunchtime for coffee. On that day, when I quizzed her about what time we were meeting for the coffee, she said "oh, not lunchtime, the afternoon!". We laughed at the confusion. When it was time to meet, she said she had been called into a meeting. That was the last time, until Monday, that I had seen or spoken to her. I'd finally given up, but there was nothing in any of the communications since the first bombshell that suggested concern at how full-on I had been or that this was serious.

KfW2 asked me later how I was feeling. We'd already covered some of the stuff above, but I'd said that I wasn't in a good mood because of it.

"You shouldn't let it get you down, I told you that!" she said
"I know, but it's hard not to, isn't it?"
"You could apologise for being heavy handed, if you wanted and move on."
"What's the point? It wouldn't fix anything."
"You shoulda known that pushing this hard would have had this result"
"To be honest, no. Texting was the only way to do it by that stage."

And I guess that's the crux of it. Despite me having the issues with our friendship,  CH is piling all of the blame at my door. I'm full-on, I don't understand her commitments, she can't make time for one friend when she has loads to see. She's been ultra-defensive right from the start, refusing to accept "blame" and refusing to do anything to put things right. This whole issue could have been solved by a twenty minute coffee, four months ago. Now I feel annoyed because this is a proper falling out and she's blaming me for it.

Things that make you go "Hmmm..." Part 2

I was a member of Match.com for three months, fully paid up. The second that my account defaults to the basic where I have no elevated privileges, its popularity sky-rockets.

In my three months as a member:
Favourited by women: 5
Views: Unsure - probably less than 100
Messaged by women: 6
Winks (i.e. Facebook "pokes"): 0


In the week since my account lapsed:
Favourited by women: 2
Views: 30
Messaged by women: 1
Winks (i.e. Facebook "pokes"): 1

This isn't a one-off. I've noticed this kind of spike in activity after my two previous paid subscriptions had expired as well.

Sigh.

Things that make you go "Hmmm..."

KfW2 and I left the office for lunch. It was a bright, sunny day and I was looking forward to getting some fresh air. As we left the building, we bumped into CH. CH has not seen KfW2 for a few months now, but KfW2 is fully aware of my confusion regarding CH. Confusion in that I don't know why she's avoiding me, not any other kind of confusion.

KfW2 stopped for a chat. They spoke for a few minutes and then we walked on, parting ways. During that time, CH hadn't looked at me, spoke to me and had been standing almost with her back to me.

"That was weird!", proclaimed KfW2.

"What was? Or rather, did you see what I saw?" I asked.

KfW2 repeated the stuff I'd noticed by myself and added that she didn't even think that CH was going to stop to talk.

We nearly bumped into CH again on our way to meet CC for coffee. Once again, KfW2 spotted something that she thought was weird - a supposed look that CH gave KfW2.

"I'm going to ask her about that", decided KfW2.

They swapped more chat over instant messenger after coffee, but at leaving time, KfW2 wasn't saying anything. I wasn't asking either, and I don't know if KfW2 asked the question.

While I've stopped thinking about CH altogether, it was hugely deflating to see her behave this way. This is more than just a drifting apart or CH not being as good a friend as I would like. There's very obviously more to it than she's admitted or going to admit, but I am left in the dark. KfW2 knows that I am really clueless over this and that it's hugely annoying (especially if it transpires that it's something I have said/done and could have fixed).

To add insult to injury, CH has spoken more to KfW2 today than I have since Xmas.

About the only other thing she could possibly do now to ram her point home (whatever her point is) is to delete me from Facebook.

Resolution.

Well, the match.com thing has supposedly already been resolved and the refund should show up in my account within the next few days. I had thought I'd be required to fight a lot more for it - my experiences with Match are not great (that's my experiences with the company rather than the people on the website, but that's not a massively positive thing either).

I also had a night out with KfW2 - we ended up at a restaurant recommended by MM and MMBF, followed that with a few cocktails in the restaurant's own cocktail bar. We left there when a group of about dozen drunk women arrived. They were very shrill. Handily enough, there was a bar next door - the one I used to meet QC2 in when we arranged to meet up.

Despite having ten times the amount of people in it, KfW2 suggested it was actually quieter. We laughed, because it was true.

We settled into our seats and chatted about all sorts of stuff - work, dating, family, housing - all parts of our lives that are in flux at the moment. KfW2 admitted that she had wanted to set me up with a friend of hers (I'm nearly sure she's admitted this before), but her friends had talked her out of it. That's probably a good thing. I've seen pictures of this girl and there is zero physical attraction there - she might well be lovely (KfW2's not a bad judge of character), but without the spark, nothing will ever progress.

I also told KfW2 about a conversation I had recently with MM and specifically the bit where she asked how good I was in bed (I obviously neglected to mention the bit about admitting non-platonic feelings), and we had a laugh about that as well.

I need more nights out like that, I think, but the people I need to have them with (GM, KfW2 etc.) are the hardest people to pin down.

Digest this.

I've not been about here recently - busy enough socially and family-wise, so here's a quick digest.

My match.com subscription was due to expire a few days ago. I've not really logged on recently, but I did today in order to completely delete my profile, only to find I've been billed for another three months at a cost of nearly sixty pounds. For the past hour I've tried to find a contact email address for them, but to say that it's impossible to find contact details on the site would be an understatement. I've found a form on the site that looks as if it only deals with technical issues (there's no direct way to complain). I've asked for my money back immediately as I consider the way this has been done to be fraudulent. It's upset my good mood for the day.

I'm due in London in a few weeks for a concert. I'm spending two nights in London, meeting with FP, his wife and maybe a couple of other people if they're available. All the flights and hotels are booked and paid for, so I'm looking forward to that.

I had a last-minute night out with S last Friday night. He called and asked if I fancied a few drinks. I did, so we met up. Once his work mates left, the night became a lot more fun. We were chatting to an American girl and her husband, but my eye was drawn, all night, to a tall, thin brunette girl who looked very like Linda Fiorentino. I pointed her out to S, but she was married, so there were no chances of actually talking to her with a view of anything.

And that's been about it really since my last post. The Match.com thing is really annoying - I have a very low opinion of them anyway. I think their site is often misleading, hard to use, feeds useless results and a lot more. Now it's fraud.

Money, money, money.

While I've been getting along well with TV Guy recently, I've realised today, whilst doing an audit on my finances, that he hasn't paid me since December for his share of our TV and internet. I've no idea if this is going to be a big deal. The last time I asked him for money, he made a huge song and dance about getting value for money and complaining about the internet speeds (which were more to do with our hardware than our service provider).

It works out at slightly over £100, which is no small amount.

I'm also in the final stages of consolidating my finances so that within a matter of weeks (possibly sooner), I should be hitting the house market with a vengeance.

With my lease here running out in September, if I am lucky, I should be able to find a house and arrange to move in with no real impact to my current lease or having to intrude on family.