(Dream a little dream) x 3

I had three separate, weird dreams last night that are rapidly fading away. My sleep pattern is all over the place these days. I can get to sleep no problems, but I will wake up three or four times during the night, usually around the same time. So I'll wake somewhere around 4 AM, get back to sleep. 5:30 AM, get back to sleep, 6:30 AM and get back to sleep before waking a final time around 8 AM.

From last night, I can remember two dreams, one featuring KfW2 and one featuring E. E popping into my head is a no-brainer. I sent her a message yesterday via Facebook as I've not spoken to her in months, and I realised just after I sent it that it was her birthday today, so I followed that up with some birthday greetings.

Both dreams were fairly similar. I was spending a lot of time with E/KfW2, we were doing something, I can't remember what, but the end of the dreams were us drifting apart for reasons unknown. I think the other dream followed a similar patter, though I can't remember who featured in it, if anyone.

Weekly weigh-in.

Not so much good news this week - a weight gain. The number is 234.0 lbs, an increase of 2.8 lbs. That's quite substantial bearing in mind how the rest of my weekly check ins have gone. I'm attributing most of that to a Chinese takeaway that I had on Friday night. When I was previously calorie counting, there were a few weeks where I'd gain a substantial amount (in a few cases, it was 5lbs). I can't remember if I made the connection at the time, but a takeaway from my favourite Chinese restaurant figured in those weeks, so even though I was probably in a deficit for that week, 5lbs was an awful lot. 

So it looks like my Friday treat is off the cards... at least from that particular restaurant. 

We're getting close to the start of July. By this stage I had hoped to be around the mid-220s mark, but that's not going to be achievable.

Fireside frolics.

I think I've posted before about how, when I was dating FA2, most of our sex would happen at the weekend and that, during the week, it was very much off the table regardless of how many times I tried to initiate it.

However, I do recall one time, in the middle of winter when she disappeared after we'd been watching TV for a little while. We'd been cuddled up in front of an open fire, watching a couple of documentaries on something that I can't recall. This was a weeknight. A Tuesday or a Wednesday, around 10PM.

I went to the kitchen for a snack and when I returned, FA2 was lying on a rug in some really nice lingerie in front of the fire.

"Make love to me," she asked.

And I did. Multiple times. It was well after 1 AM when we finished. We cuddled and FA2 pulled a hitherto unseen blanket over us and we slept in the living room, in front of the fire.

That was my dream last night, though it is based on reality. The thing is, I can't remember which bits were real and which were the dream. Maybe only the last bit of sleeping in the living room?

Just stuff.

One of my Facebook memories today is a picture of me and GWTNA. She has this really interesting, sexy, dishevelled look going on in it. It reminds me of Nerdy Girl's Whatsapp profile picture that has the same kind of vibe to it for the same reasons. It also reminds me, for some reason, of Jenni Lee, ex porn star and, the last I heard, homeless person.

Woohoo!

Just a quick one cos I really need to log on and do some work (there are legitimate reasons why I haven't done anything today, but that's not the point).

I did weight myself this morning, but didn't have the time to blog. 231.2 lbs, that's down 1.6 lbs from the plateau of the last few weeks. I will be honest, I was fearing the worst this week, but with the calorie counting mostly in place, two walks and plenty of gardening over the weekend, there should have been enough to see some weight loss. And there was.

Let's see if we can keep that going.

Walky talky.

I did a 5 mile walk with Nerdy Girl last night. It was fairly intensive, too. I think the increase in altitude was about 130 metres/430ft over 1.5 miles. It near killed me. I was very out of breath, but my back was killing me, too. Yet another reminder that I need to get back into yoga before drastically upping any kind of exercise. But it was still fun chatting to Nerdy Girl, catching up on all sorts of stuff.

I'm heading to CC's tonight, to see her new place. She volunteered to come and collect me, but I said I'd walk. She no longer lives just round the corner, but about 2 miles away. Apparently KfW2 is meant to be visiting CC as well.

And in other, semi-random news, I bumped into QC1's husband while out with Nerdy Girl. I've not seen him since the awful big night out with AM etc. a few years ago. As it happens, QC1, CC and FC/Mrs FC all live within a few hundred metres of each other.

Consistency.

Would you believe it if I told you that, for the third week running, I clocked in this morning at 232.8 lbs? No? Well, it's the truth. This is mildly disappointing as I had hoped to be near the mid 220s by this stage. However, unlike the last time I was doing this, there are no random 5lb increases week on week. So, yeah, mildly disappointing, but I was at a couple of BBQs where calorie counting went out the window and my exercise dropped to near zero levels due to those leg pains I blogged about last week. Onwards and upwards... again!

Me Time

I've really been enjoying the recent good weather. It generally just puts me in a better mood. It also has another side-effect. I get ridiculously horny. In the past, when I'd been on foreign holidays with the good weather, I'd always attributed it to seeing attractive and/or foreign women in fewer clothes - bikinis, sundresses etc. And that might actually be a factor, but good weather in general just makes me more frisky. As a result, I've been enjoying a lot more "me time" over the past few weeks. A lot more. Sigh.

Oh la la!

Now that the lockdown is seemingly coming to an end (fingers crossed), and public, social gatherings are starting up again (pubs etc.) then I've been taking a little more time looking at Tinder (I dunno why, mind you, seeing as I've never had any success).

Even after not looking at it for months, it's pretty much the same old faces, including the blonde Emma Willis lookalike that I might have mentioned before. Well, I'm pretty sure that I have mentioned her before, but I don't know if I called her a "blonde Emma Willis" on the blog or just in conversation with USHW.

Even if she weren't ridiculously photogenic, I'd still enjoy her profile as, each time she pops up in my list, she has a new look and a completely new set of photos, unlike pretty much everyone else (bar two people - my sister's university friend, and Attractive Neighbour, who do the same).

I keep swiping right, but we've never matched. Same with Sister's University Friend.

Oof.

Over the past week or so, I've been slowly increasing the amount that I walk during my lunchtime. The goal was to hit 2 miles in 30 mins and be able to do that comfortably. It was looking promising. The last proper walk I did was 1.71 miles with an average pace of 16:43 per mile.

However, today, before too long, I had leg pains running down the outside of my lower legs. I've suffered from this on and off for the past dozen or so years. I've no idea what it is, what causes it or how to get rid of it permanently.

That reflected in the stats: only 1.32 miles done at a pace of 17:12 per mile. At least it's something though.

Check-in time.

I'm thinking that I need to maybe take a look at my scales. For the second week in a row, I am exactly the same weight - 232.8 lbs. Not a bad thing, but a minor setback.

Mind you, there has been two days of boozing in there, which has obviously undone the exercise and careful eating that I did last week.

If nothing else the calorie counting is also having an effect on my portion management, which is a good thing, and my exercise levels are slowly increasing, which is another positive.

We go again this week.

Ah well.

I don't know why but CH popped into my head this afternoon. Specifically, a time a few years ago where I was dealing with a personal tragedy. What happened pretty much summed CH up in a nutshell. She texted to let me know she was thinking of me, which was nice.

"I'll call in to see you soon," she promised.

"Please do. It'd mean a lot to me if you did, actually."

It went quiet for a month, then out of the blue another text:

"Been thinking about you. I'm crazy busy, but let's do coffee at some point?"

Two weeks went by...

"Sorry, I was WFH. Can you do coffee tomorrow at 8AM?"

"I'm not about at that time. Lunchtimes or after work suit best."

And... nothing.

As I said, it pretty much summed CH up in a nutshell. Make promises, then back off, making further, watered down suggestions that were more and more on her terms until you just stop expecting anything. This was exactly why I'd been critical of her and I'd been proven right, despite her massive over-reaction. I'd always been right - USHW and KfW2 had known for ages that I was unimpressed with our "friendship" as it was very much all one-way.

It brought me down a little. It was a friendship that had a lot of promise and I still remember fondly some nights out - one with CH, KfW2 and S and one with OK and CH spring to mind.

Ah well.

Dream on.

The past few mornings I've woken to semi-forgotten dreams. They seem to be broadly the same: I'm due to emigrate for work, but the paperwork is not in order and I need to travel back and forth trying to get it sorted. In between that, there are personal issues with people, including FA2 and KfW2 that I'm also trying to solve, though I don't know if I do. I wake up before anything is resolved.

I don't know what any of it means, I just wake up confused.

Just things.

A chance comment in a meeting earlier provoked a conversation about travel and working abroad. That brought back some memories of my own time abroad and so I spent some time this afternoon, surfing Google Maps and street view around my old haunts, just reminiscing.

Months of pretty much great weather, lots of outdoor activities, a confidence that I didn't have at home and things just clicked for me. FA2 was nearby if things had gone wrong, but they hadn't. 

While I got along with a load of people, I only really made one friend, and we lost touch when I left. We picked up a few years later on Facebook, but haven't really spoken in years.

Still, it was nice to reminisce and distract me from work this afternoon. I can't really have the distraction though. I need to get my head back in the game, from that perspective.