Bleh.

While chatting with USHW, she mentioned that I'd been quiet recently and I admitted to being somewhat in a bit of a funk. USHW enquired if it was related to the whole CB thing. I guess that's part of it... possibly the main part of it, but there are other things going on at the moment too and it's all just kinda happened at once. She asked if I wanted to talk about it, but there's nothing that's inherently solvable per se... just a lot of stuff that needs time to sort itself out.

First of all, I have a discussion lined up in work about a pay rise, though the logic in my "argument" for the pay raise is sound, I'm not that confident of getting it, even though I'm only asking for the current market rate based on my own recent research. I'm expecting that to be sorted within ten days at most.

There's a managerial change in work that's not looking too promising so far - while the new guy has not done anything "managerial" so far, he's yet to engage with the team... and we're all raising concerns with each other about it. The managerial situation before was brilliant - lots of flexibility and trust and we were able to deliver high quality work, but be confident that he would look after us if things got political (which they did from time to time).

The CB stuff is annoying and disappointing in equal measures - as I've previously said, I wasn't expecting a positive outcome - it was an outside chance at best (though not improbable), but I had expected a definitive answer either way... and I hadn't expected a non-answer to take this long. I'd expected too much from GB in being pro-active from my point of view. I dunno... I just expected friends in general to be more excited about potentially getting two people together - that's not just GB, but CB's friends/sister(s) too.

The neck injury is also a factor - it's kept me from the gym just as I was starting to get into the rhythm and enjoy it, purely from a safety concern. Now that my GP has given me the all clear, I'll start back up at the weekend again, but it's yet another physical setback that I didn't want/need, especially with the 10k run being 6 weeks away.

At least two of things should be sorted by next week, the managerial thing will be ongoing, probably for a couple of months and I think the CB thing is pretty done and dusted from my perspective (though USHW thinks I should go direct to MFF and get an update from her directly). I dunno about that and will ponder it over the next day or so.

Time to look forward again.

I didn't get to meet up with MM and her stunning blonde friend, SBF (she's also an ex-colleague of mine), on Friday before GB's party. I did try, but the timing of it wasn't helpful. MM was meeting the blonde girl in a restaurant  around the same time as I was planning on going to GB's.

MM suggested I turn up later to GB's and go and join her and the blonde girl for a drink, but I was hoping that I could talk to MFF about CB. I was expecting MFF to turn up early and leave early (possibly with CH as she was doing the same and they live in the same direction). Bearing in mind that, while ordinarily, I would have gone to GB's an hour later to meet SBF, I really had the CB thing on my mind. Plus, I don't like tagging along and I felt I might have been imposing on MM and the blonde girl.

Plus, MM would have wanted to know about the plastic date that I'd been on the night before with her friend (I was doing a favour for MM) and I'd already been quizzed on it by KfW2, GB and CH, all independently the morning after. I didn't have a lot to say to them - it was a really spectacular non-event. The conversation flowed well enough (something that always concerns me when meeting strangers as I don't think my small talk skills are that good) and the three hours went quickly enough, but there was no attraction, no spark and no real desire to see her ever again, even socially.

I think the girls all thought I was hiding something, but there really was nothing newsworthy to report. I don't know if that means the night was disappointing given that everything turned out the way I expected (and wanted) it to, but I know that GB's declaration ealier this week that MFF had heard nothing from CB's sister and MFF's subsequent non-appearance at GB's was disappointing, so I am putting that down to a generally disappointing few days. I guess, unless something really happens out of the blue, that the CB thing is dead in the water as well as I simply don't have the energy to go back chasing GB for any further information (plus there's the creep factor to consider). So, while the date panned out as expected, it's the CB stuff that I'm really gutted about.

...

Perhaps inevitably, given how much I was counting on it, MFF didn't turn up to GB's party last night. I didn't get anything from GB about why, but I think I overheard someone say to CH that MFF's husband didn't get home from work until late, meaning that she was unable to attend.

I had hoped to have a chat with her about CB (and maybe by having a conversation directly with her, it might give her some impetus  in being more pro-active).

That's not to say that I didn't have a good time - I had a great time and it was really good fun, but today I've been feeling slightly deflated at not being able to move the CB thing along. Now I have to go back and start pestering GB again... I've no idea when I'm next going to be speaking to MFF in a social setting.

(Back to) Square One?

CB and MFF came up in conversation today with GB so I asked if there had been any movement with any enquiries. The last I'd heard (about four weeks ago) was that MFF was going to contact CB's sister to see what the best approach would be. Now that alone is vague in my opinion, especially given that I was initially only looking for information, but if MFF was going to take things further, I definitely wasn't going to argue. However, GB hadn't heard anything and contacted MFF who herself hadn't heard anything from CB's sister.

There's a certain amount of frustration there - I had fully expected that, by now, I'd have a definitive answer one way or another. Either she was interested in meeting or she wasn't. I wasn't expecting yet more limbo. I guess that maybe speaks for itself. I've gone from being cautiously optimistic to being pretty disappointed. USHW has suggested not ruling anything out just yet. GB's party is in 48 hours time and I'll get a chance to talk to MFF directly and see if there are any developments.

Ironically, if I'd not mentioned CB to GB and had decided to contact MFF directly, then GB's party is probably the first opportunity I would have had to do it face to face (and I much prefer doing these things that way than by email or instant messaging). Despite not knowing MFF that well, I would have had no qualms about going to her directly regarding CB, but GB seemed so excited and I had thought, at the time, that things might have moved quicker with GB asking the questions. That, in hindsight, was probably the wrong choice.

Bored.

For some reason that I cannot fathom (semi-random link surfing), I've found myself looking at Jenni Lee's Twitter pictures. I'm not a huge fan of Twitter (I have an account, but I never post and rarely read the subscriptions I have), but I am a big fan of Jenni's erm... work. She's an adult actress.

Already looking forward to the weekend.

The countdown is on... this week I have two nights out planned. The plastic date is supposedly still on (well, I've not heard anything to the contrary and will text and confirm tomorrow) and GB's party is at the weekend. GB today mentioned that MFF was in attendance, but there's still no information on CB at all.

I have "decided" (i.e. assumed) that CB is going but for reasons that I do not understand, this is being kept secret from me. Whether she does or not turn up is ultimately not that important in the grand scheme of things, but if she's not there and GB still hasn't coughed up some information (even if the information is that there's nothing happening), then I'm not going to be impressed by GB.

Regardless, on Friday night I should be in the company of KfW2, CH, MM and MM's stunningly attractive and really nice blonde friend who's in town - not all at the same time, mind you. That alone should make it a fun night and for that reason, I'm looking forward to it.

*yawn*

I didn't sleep very well last night. I kept having the same dream about not revising for my university exams which were the next day, then waking up in a panic before realising that I graduated well over ten years ago and returning to sleep, only to repeat the cycle all night. I think I woke about five or six times because of this dream.

Suffice to say, I'm not in the best of moods today. I'm due to head to the gym early this afternoon, so maybe a spot of exercise will do me good.

Things that make you go "hmmm".

I'm half-expecting a phone call or text message within the next hour from KfW2 to invite me to the pub - she's out with CC and a couple of her mates for a meal, so meeting up afterwards is very do-able. But who knows?It's not something we've discussed, it's just a gut feeling. While she's very fond of inviting people out to other people's engagements, I don't know if she's likely to make last minute changes to her own plans. It's probably not at the forefront of her mind as she will be inevitably late to the restaurant.

If there is no phone call, then it's a quiet night in, which isn't a bad thing as I am meant to be at the gym tomorrow to continue the start of my fitness regime. Though I am in the mood for a few drinks. I might get in touch with S.

As a side-note, there's still nothing from GB regarding CB. I'm now torn between waiting until next Friday (I have my suspicions about who is going to turn up to GB's party) and just going to MFF directly to see what's happening. We're only a few days off it being 6 weeks since GB first volunteered to go off and get CB info and I've had to ask/remind her at least twice (possibly three times) since then and I am actually starting to get annoyed by it all.

Oh, and another thing...

There's not a lot you can do with no information, and GB still hasn't come up with any information regarding MFF's investigation into CB (I reminded her again yesterday). I've been fluctuating between pessimism (it's an outside bet at best that anything come from it) to optimism (why wouldn't she want to meet - I'm sure I can get good references from GB and MFF).

GB is hosting a party at her new gaff in just over a week and MFF is invited. As far as I can see, MFF hasn't  ruled out her attendance, so if GB hasn't managed to get any information my way, I might try the direct approach. Of course, if anyone had any sense, MFF would bring along CB and we'd all have an answer one way or the other by the end of that evening. Maybe this is the plan and GB's trying to keep it secret by "forgetting" to talk to MFF?

As an aside, that night I'm hopefully meeting MM and her stunning blonde friend. I've mentioned the stunning blonde before, but am unsure if I've given her a name. Either way, I'm hoping that I'll be able to meet MM and the blonde stunner for a few drinks before heading up to GB's.

Blast from the past.

I had a conversation recently with a friend about the perfect hotel for the archetypal "dirty weekend" - where you could check in and not see daylight for three days. Somehow, this reminded me of a hotel I once stayed in in London when I was meeting people from my online hobby back then.

I remember checking into the hotel and finding my room, which was HUGE! Two double beds, massive amounts of space and a massive bathroom, spotlessly clean and new.  I think that was back when I first considered sleeping with K (what a mistake that turned out to be) and nearly, I think (alcohol induced memory loss), ended up sleeping with someone else.

When we had a return trip a year or so later, I thought that I'd booked into the same place, only to find that I had stupidly booked into this tiny hotel next door that wasn't really up to scratch. Off the back of the recent conversation, I found the original hotel on the internet and it appears that I must have gotten the only decent room in the entire hotel - reviews and photos suggest that it's grubby, poorly maintained and small.

Ah well.

Role reversal.

I don't think I've made any comments here about a specific aspect of the CB journey thus far, mainly what I perceive (sometimes) to be... I don't know if I have the words. I was originally going to say a "lack of effort" but I am not sure that's exactly I'm thinking of though - apathy maybe? I've mentioned it to USHW the odd time, but I'm not sure I'm making myself clear.

I asked GB about whether or not she had spoken to my mutual Facebook friend regarding any movement on the CB thing. It's been over two weeks since Mutual Facebook Friend said that she would make her own enquiries, it's been four weeks since GB first volunteered to go off and do some fact finding for me.

The answer to my question to GB was that she hadn't, nor had she heard from MFF. That's the second time I've felt that I had to remind GB about CB. Personally, I think this is weird - GB volunteered to get the info and seemed excited to get involved. I could have spoken to MFF myself, even though I don't know her that well, and probably had some resolution by now, but I don't want to suddenly start talking to MFF and cut GB out of the loop at this stage.

I'm not complaining about the time this is taking per se, but it's more that I don't understand why GB isn't being more pro-active for someone who was so excited that I saw CB on Facebook in the first place. The same kinda applies to CH - she's definitely someone who was interested in the CB situation (and given pre-Xmas convos, she is interested in me finding a girl in general, so why the lack of interest when there is someone I'm interested in)

Neither of these people have been that pro-active in helping things along, even though both of them are direct friends with MFF and supposedly care that I find someone. If the situation had been reversed, I believe that I would have been a lot more pro-active in getting information from whatever source needs to be contacted, and I might even go as a far as saying that matters would be resolved by now - there would be an introduction of the two people or the object of affection would decided that it wasn't to be.

I'm sure I can explain this all better, but I am physically exhausted and just about keeping my eyes open. I might comer back and re-word it appropriately, but it's getting posted for now.

So...

...not twenty minutes ago, UF puts a wash on. It's fucking quarter past midnight FFS! I'm not starting anything now, but I have gone into the utility room and turned the washing machine off. The fucking useless twat can restart it in the morning as he leaves for work... which is what he should have fucking done in the first place.

Also, the bin in the kitchen has been full since probably Monday (I've not been in the house much) and I'll probably have to empty it when I return from work tomorrow because no-one else will.

This is really starting to take the piss now.

Figure this out...

7:00PM
UF puts clothes in washing machine then proceeds to sit in his room for a couple of hours

9:15PM
UF actually turns washing machine on which will take approximately 2.5 hours

My mind cannot grasp the logic that this guy uses.

Bleurgh.

I dunno if it's nerves (KfW2's suggestion), the ambiguity of the whole thing (every female I know) or if I simply can't be arsed with the hassle (me), but I'm really not feeling the whole date thing for Thursday night. Do I play it straight (i.e. pretend that it is a real date) or is it safe to come out and talk about why we're meeting? The girl's text messages haven't given anything away (in fact, they sound more like proper date texts), although MM is fully aware that I have other things on my plate.

That also might be playing on my mind a little - it's nearly two weeks since GB spoke to mutual Facebook friend who was going to do her own investigating and, IMO, I should have heard something by now. Bad news especially. If CB's aware of me and has done her own Facebook investigation, I'm sure she's already made her mind up about whether she wants to meet me. A negative reply should already be in my inbox, no?

In talking to USHW about it as well, I have a firm goal in mind: an introduction. It's not enough, I think, to get us into the same room - we've already been there - but I need someone to actually introduce us and I can take it from there.

Grumpy drawers.

The night out with GM and the rest went ahead as planned. CH wasn't able to make it, but that was expected. My gut feeling about something being set up behind the scenes with regards to CB was unsurprisingly well off the mark, but I'd kinda figured that out when I saw that our mutual Facebook friend wasn't on the list for the work thing. The only other noteworthy incident was spotting a girl I chatted up during the summer - she kept looking over at me as if she recognised me but couldn't place my face - but as I was starting to get really drunk and not in a great mood, I went home around midnight.

While the night was fun at times, I wasn't in brilliant form and got a bit tetchy with GB and one of S's friends. I think that might have been partly because CH wasn't able to show up - she was missed.

It also seems like ages since GB and the Mutual Facebook Friend had their chat about CB, but it's only been a week. However, I'd like to think that some information is going to come my way really soon. If not, I'll maybe have to have another word with GB probably before the end of the week.

Oh dear.

Final details have been made for the plastic date next week and, unusually for me, I've been spreading the news to my female friends - USHW, CH, GB, KfW2 and DSC.

Rather worryingly, all of them are pretty puzzled over the concept of a practice date and have suggested that there may be shenanigans afoot. DSC said out right that she thought that MM had pulled the wool over my eyes and that this was all a set up because she knows my take on set ups like that. If she did, then it's bad form because I'm going into this with the intention of it being a social thing, not a date plus I am still waiting for an outcome on the CB thing, and I've explained the CB thing to MM, so she knows it's something I am interested in pursuing.

Still... DSC's comments have me slightly more concerned now than I was a few days ago.