After all the hard work...

...this is the period of the holiday season that I like best. Xmas Day and Boxing Day are over, I still have a week off work and the only things to do are spend time with friends and family , more often than not down in the pub. I ghave plans for tonight, tomorrow night and Tuesday night with another potential plan for New Year's Eve. That, plus a few day's recuperation time should see me right until it's time to return to work and I'll have to start putting together my plans and goals for 2010.

The post regarding my single status still remains and stupidly watching such films on the TV as "Love Actually" and "Notting Hill" really don't help matters, and yet I still sit down knowing I'll feel crap at the end of them. If only life were that simple, eh?

Pondering time.

I have two pet hates about this time of the year... the first is being single. I think it's a horrendous time of the year to be single - even more so than St. Valentines Day. If there's ever a time of the year to be sharing things with someone else, it's now I think - pressies, meeting friends, finding some alone time

The second is that you should never spend New Year's Eve alone. This is different to the above in that you don't need to be dating/in a relationship, just that you're with friends or family (or, yes, loved ones). I've always preferred NYE as a holiday to Xmas, mostly because I'm not religious and I like the practical side of the whole New Year thing with resolutions, new goals, putting the bad parts of life behind you etc. Plus, if you're lucky, a nice mem ber of the opposite sex will give you a bit of a snog.

I thought this year was going to be a wash out in terms of New Year's Eve, but already there is a small chance that the crowd from work is having a party, which is just around the corner and would be great. I doubt there'll be too many more offers, but I hope this one bears fruit.

Xmas party season

It's the day after the work's Xmas party and I'm feeling a little deflated. I don't know why. It was a good night, but not as good as last year's. Some of the ladies scrub up extremely well! One girl, I think I've spoken about her before - tall, leggy, brunette - arguably looks better on a day-to-day basis than she did scrubbed up last night. That's not to say that I wouldn't, given the chance!

Tonight, I'm going out with D and other ex-work colleagues and they're usually good nights out. I don't know if FBS will be tagging along... sometimes she does and sometimes she doesn't. It'd be nice to see her though.

I can see tomorrow being spent in bed (although not the good type of spending all day in bed)!

Yay!

I can't remember if I've mentioned this before, but F has promised to come over and visit next year once her exams are over. Yay! I can't wait. I love her to bits and she's really good fun and we'll spend lots of time in the pub.

I think I might introduce her to the crowd from work that I'm spending a lot of time with. I think she'd enjoy their company and have some fun.

Oops!

Was out for lunch with QC1 this week which was great. Rather worryingly though, I managed to forget about it and it was only a well-timed phone call from QC1 as I was out on my lunch break saved me from an embarrassing apology to her. As it happens, I was only round the corner from the cafe where we were meant to meet, so I was able to tell a small fib about running late.

We had a great chat and it's always nice to see her. We should be seeing a bit of each other over the Xmas period too, so that's something to look forward to over the weekend.

Updates of a sort.

The work thing is over. I've been screwed somewhat by my boss and the entire management chain who are pretty much refusing to acknowledge that my boss's unreasonable criticism is borderline harassment... that has been exacerbated by the fact I've been robbed in my end of year appraisal. I don't know if I will be appealing (although the process is there should I choose) but I know that I will be making my feelings clear on the official record. I'm being marked down for keeping my team-mates at arm's length when I know they're reporting my activities to my boss behind my back and have been wrong before (and it's arguable as to whether they deliberately got things wrong). I'm absolutely fuming.

The somewhat hoped-for meeting with RB, giving my friendship with the mutual friend hasn't panned out as yet. Even with the ongoing dating site membership, I haven't had a sniff of anything in ages. I am in email conversation with a girl on the site, but she's not really my type. I'm enjoying the conversation, but this is not going to lead anywhere romantic (or physical). I realise that hoping for the mutual friend to bring RB out or set up a meeting between us is stretching the imagination a little, but it's not impossible and I still wonder why the mutual friend lets slip RB's progress every now and again if there's nothing there.

sadface

I've made arrangements to see QC1 next week for lunch which is good because I'm not a particularly happy bunny right now - all work-related. QC2 is going through another period where's she's not replying to messages - an email and a text message have so far gone unanswered over a period of about four weeks. It's be nice to catch up before or during the holiday season, but if she doesn't answer, then there's not a lot I can do.

The work thing is still ongoing. It's a fortnight since I spoke to my boss's boss and I'm still waiting resolution. Things will have to be sorted soon because I really don't want to go into my end of year review with all this stuff unresolved... mainly because I think my end of year review will provoke another complaint about my boss.

And in completely unrelated news... I still haven't done any Xmas shopping.

I have been in the pub...

... and I am more than a little tipsy.

Hot girls in crap movies.

Unlike, say, a Jessica Alba movie that I would watch simply because she is in it (and I love her... *swoon*), it's really not worth the viewing time just to see these lovely ladies in action. It is a horrible, horrible film.

Sienna Miller and Rachel Nichols.

I don't usually rate Sienna Miller as a looker, but she's cracking looking as a brunette in the appalling "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra" which also has the lovely-looking Rachel Nichols as a redhead.

The work issue... a step forward?

I had my meeting with my boss’s boss last week, almost six weeks after I really wanted it to happen. There were matters beyond my control though, plus I wanted to get everything sorted in my mind – timelines, what I wanted from the meeting etc.

The meeting lasted just over 30 mins and, typically of me, I only said about 80% of what I wanted. However, I was successful in getting across the general gist of my current problems, namely my unhappiness in my current role, my problems with my manager, my concerns about the lack of support from management and my desire to move onto something I think I am suited to.

I came out of the meeting with conflicting feelings. It was nice to get this stuff off my chest with someone “official” i.e. someone in my direct management chain, but on the other hand, some things that my boss’s boss said in the meeting made me believe that he would probably side with her. I was kind of expecting it, to be honest, but from a strictly logical point of view, I am in the right. He’ll have to go off and investigate, of course, but he said I can expect an answer sometime this week.

I don’t think this is going to end this week though and will play out until the beginning of next year as I think there will be further issues with my year end score (that I don’t trust my boss to score objectively, of course) and will have to contest. Sigh.

Mysterious blogger outed!

For years, I've been singing the praises of Belle de Jour, an anonymous blogger who had briefly been a sex worker, for being an entertaining read. There had always been speculation as to whether the Belle de Jour blog was actually real or something else - a writing exercise for a professional writer, for example. It didn't stop me from recommending her blog and lending her books to various (and mostly female if that makes any difference) friends, all of whom seemed to really get into the books. In fact, if you look to your right, you'll see a link to BdJ's blog. Go read it... it's very entertaining.

At one point, BdJ was even a "friend" of mine on Facebook, USHW having asked her to add me as a chum (because I wouldn't do it myself).

Yesterday, though, she outed herself to the Sunday Times as a research scientisty person in Bristol. What this means for the blog or further books remains to be seen, but I wish her all the best in her decision to go public.

The same old introspective

Confession time: Despite my anger at doing so, I've found myself thinking a lot about RB this past week. Any time I have some free time to myself, I find myself wishing things had turned out differently. Obviously, this is partly because of the minor revelation from our mutual friend, reported here and again, partly because I don't really want to be single. It might be that I'm simply using RB as a placeholder in my daydreams because she's the last person I felt I connected with or maybe she's the most likely future source of a date (sad as that may sound). Nevertheless, there have been daydreams of just doing things... comedy nights, sporting events... someone to get me up off my ass and out there doing fun stuff which then leads me on to wonder if it really is a dating thing or if it's just getting back to a socialising thing?

Personally, I think it's a dating thing. The social thing is not too bad at the moment - I'm heading out most weekends with the work crowd and that's bolstered the odd time with FP. I also have infrequent lunch dates with QC1 and AM and the very odd quiet catchup with QC2 that should stop any cravings of more socialising.

I'm hoping to pin QC2 down for something quite soon (no, not that kind of "pinning down", sadly) but she's going through one of her hard-to-find periods. Hopefully she'll be in contact shortly.

Small world

Sometimes, Facebook has a lot to answer for. Leaving a comment on the mutual friend that RB and I share, I noticed that she's "friends" with a girl I used to know, well, years and years ago. Back when I was much, much younger... back in the days when I first met D. It's always a bit of a risk visiting this girl's profile because RB sometimes posts and sometimes she appears in the little sub-section of her friends and the picture does provoke pangs of something. This is not about RB though... this is about how I live in such a small world, which I find comforting but at the same time, as someone that values their privacy, I find disconcerting.

You only have to look at the QC1 blind date situation where the girl, if I have identified her properly, is a friend of one of my cousins.

Or an old school acquaintance who's "friends" with another girl I knew from years ago, from the same time and place as D and this other girl.

I do live in a small world!

A blast from the semi-past

OK, so it's hardly years and years ago, but the RB thing was just over a year ago. Why bring this up now? Well, sitting in the pub on Friday night, this girl from this post, all of a sudden turns to me and tels me that RB is home. RB had taken herself off on a round the world trip earlier this year and, due to circumstances beyond her control, has been forced to come home early. It's still very early days. RB may yet leave again to complete the trip, according to this mutual acquaintance, but it hasn't stopped me having the odd little daydream about it.. about, well hooking up with her again.

Saying that, another work colleague who was out with us on Friday made a mention of RB being a bit odd. I wanted to know more, but didn't want to ask any questions that might indicate that I am interested.

I don't know if I am interested or not, obviously. I'd have to actually meet RB and see what happened, but I certainly wouldn't rule out meeting her. Right now, I wouldn't rule out the possibility. I seem to be friendly enough with the mutual acquaintance, so seeing RB in the pub is fairly likely, should she remain at home for any reasonable length of time.

I don't know if I'm angry at myself or not for even considering it. After all, RB was a bit nuts and her behaviour after our date left a lot to be desired, but she was interesting and cute and it's not as if I've been inundated with decent offers from that bloody dating website.

Gah

After a few weeks of to-ing and fro-ing, QC1 and I managed to sort out a time to meet for a few drinks. It was last night, which boded well for a good few hours of chat and a few drinks, and things were going very well. I explained my employment woes, she told me how she and her husband were getting on and we had a good laugh (nothing about this proposed blind date though). It was really going quite swimmingly... until her husband showed up. Now, this isn't what you think, because me and QC1's husband get along extremely well. The reason that was a bad thing was because a) he wasn't drinking and had the car and b) he had showed up to give QC1 a lift home.

That meant that our entire night out lasted 2 hours. If that's all the time she could spare, we could have done this during the week, as 2 hours is nothing, even on a "school night" and we could have done this weeks or months ago. Don't get me wrong, it was great to see her, but I can't help feeling that she didn't make the most of the situation. Even when I meet up with QC3, which is usually during the week, we spend more than a couple of hours catching up.

FFS

This online dating thing is really fucking me off.

I don't mind that some girls are hard to talk to. I don't mind that some have unrealistic ideals or goals.

I do mind that girls don't even have the common decency to say "thanks but no thanks", even those that have me in their list of favourites. Why bother?

The afternoon after the night before.

I was out at the pub last night with, amongst others, FBS and D. As always, it was a good night. It's rarely exciting per se, but you're always guaranteed a good few hours of chat and banter and last night was no exception.

The one interesting incident was that I thought I spotted a girl from the dating site I've been using - one of the girls that really took my fancy, but has never replied to my contact attempts. If it was the same girl, then the pictures that she's used on the site really do not do her justice. It reminded me how annoyed I am at the two girls I really want to meet but who have simply not replied in any shape or form (even if it was just pressing the "no thanks" button that the site appears to offer). I'd like to think that I'm not wasting anyone's time and effort and it's annoying that these people are wasting mine, especially when I'm going to the trouble of creating personal messages to send them.

In other dating news, the blind date has still not happened. I'm going to talk to QC1 first before agreeing to anything and the email conversation with the girl on the dating site has fizzled out - it's now just under two weeks since I last sent an email. A few other feelers I have out there are returning nothing.

USHW

One thing that's been in short supply recently are chats with USHW. USHW and I used to chat all the time, sometimes for hours and hours of an evening and eventually, I trusted her enough to even talk about issues that were normally taboo for most people and even to talk about issues that I considered private. This eventually escalated into some fairly explicit conversations, some flirting and a not inconsiderable spark of lust (and I think I speak for both of us when I say that it was very much definitely lust rather than anything else).

We did eventually meet in person and everything we shared in our online chats – sense of humour, ease/comfort with each other etc. all translated to the real world and we shared a hotel room and a bed for two nights while meeting mutual acquaintances. It's no word of a lie to say that we were this close (he says, holding his finger and thumb really close together) to spending a lot of time fucking in a hotel… only our respective morals stopped us from taking the step beyond having a bit of a cuddle in the bed to full on fucking, even with my hands going places they shouldn't have been. I've already said in other posts that our comfort levels with each other were very high and that we would have made full use of the hotel room and its' furniture had we taken that last step. I suspect that USHW, like me, wanted the other person to initiate sex, and had the wandering hands happened on the first evening rather than the last morning, then who knows what might have happened?

However, USHW was married... is married, even. And the events of that weekend (us sharing a room in a hotel, online conversations we'd had, blog posts USHW had made) caused trouble for USHW. My remoteness to USHW’s home town meant that any trouble was never likely to land at my door, but it still had an effect as my sense of security was shattered. However, despite these problems, we did start chatting again, on and off, and even the levels of smut rose (or should that be dropped) to the levels we used to achieve, but perhaps inevitably, it was bound to burn out at some point and it did, even though we had more secure tools than ever to chat – amongst them MSN and Facebook.

Messages that we’ve swapped over the past year or so have been brief. USHW says she keeps up to date by reading the blog, but that’s not a substitute for a proper conversation or even some of USHW’s famous questions here she used to cut right to the chase and my own questions are dismissed because she doesn’t want to chat.

I miss chatting with USHW for all of the above reasons, but she simply doesn't seem to be online any more… or at least with any kind of regularity and when she is she seems… distant or tired or distracted. So, USHW, if you do still pop by, it’d be nice to hear from you again in the way we used to chat.

Hmmm...

I'm currently swapping emails with a girl from the dating website and things are going slowly, but the important thing is they are, at least, going.

However, I can't help but be critical of this girl's spelling.

I do a lot of written work... my last job involved a lot of written correspondence, plus I write emails all the time and have also delved into writing as a hobby, so my spelling is pretty damned god and my grammar isn't bad either.

Reading the emails from this girl is making my eyes bleed though.

She'd better not turn out to be ugly and/or uninteresting.

Girls! Girls! Girls?

Over the past few weeks, while pretty much everything has been falling to pieces, one thing hasn’t. The dating/girls thing has been almost the complete opposite. I got an email from a girl on the online dating site that I’ve replied to after a semi-strange incident (more on this later). QC1, as mentioned before, has offered a blind date with a girl she knows that I’m still considering and last night, a co-worker that I barely know, offered to set me up with one of her friends... although got side-tracked and that never panned out. So, the girl/dating thing seems to be getting quite interesting.

Oh, and that semi-strange incident I was telling you about, well, I was walking home from work the other day and I saw a girl that resembled this girl’s description of herself – average build, brunette etc. Obviously, this doesn’t narrow things down a lot, but she did mention that she lives in the same vague area of the city that I do and that she has a pet... and this brunette girl (quite nice looking too) had the same pet. It’s nothing conclusive, but would narrow things down an awful lot. While the odds are still stacked against this cute girl in the park being the same girl, it did at least prompt me to reply and there are the beginnings of an email conversation there. Who knows where this will lead?

Sadly, the two outstanding girls that I've messaged on the site have made no effort to reply or at least turn me down. That kind of behaviour really annoys me.

The work saga continues...

The work situation has started getting serious. My boss is starting to get at me for really minor things that aren’t, in my opinion, issues at all. She still refuses to accept that my current unhappiness is at least partially her concern and I’m being left to try and sort it out myself. That won’t happen because, without the backing of my management hierarchy, HR won’t listen to me. There are other issues at stake too, but from what’s been happening over the past few weeks, it could easily be implied that there is bullying or harassment going on. I think I’m going to escalate this next week after I do some research into whether HR have a responsibility to look after their employees welfare. Common sense dictates that they should, but it’ll be interesting to see what the legal standpoint is on this.

Contact!

I’ve heard back from both K and R2. I’ve sent replies, but there’s no sign of conversations developing.

Wow!

I had lunch today with QC1, which was great as I don't see her as often as I should, but today's meeting had something different in it... QC1 asked if I'd be interested in a blind date! Apparently, she knows a friend of a friend who's blonde, slender, active, single and looking.

I don't like being put on the spot, so I told QC1 I'd consider it. The thing is, it took me about 30 secs to find this girl on Facebook once I came home from work and, if I'm being brutally honest, looks-wise, she's not doing anything for me.

Secondly, I've never been on a blind date, so I'm not entirely sure of the etiquette involved, but I'd far rather these things were done under different circumstances e.g. QC1 arranges to meet me in the pub while this other girl is in attendance, making everything much more relaxed.

Thirdly, this girl on Facebook, is a friend of one of my cousins. I'm incredibly private and really quite anal about it, so this would play on my mind that I couldn't see how things went without the family knowing about it.

Both JB and one of E's friends have already told me I should go for it and I probably will, but not with any ideas about dating... but rather just to get out of the house and meet someone new. Christ knows that I've complained about that often enough.

Being pro-active.

So, in an attempt to be pro-active (I believe that you make your own luck, so by being pro-active, can affect good things... a karma kind of thing), I've sent R2 a message on Facebook. I don't know if she'll remember me, but if she does, it'll be nice to catch up. We might even get out for a drink or a coffee. Who knows?

Reflection

I'm in one of those phases where everything appears to be going against me in various degrees. The job situation is still very poor and the one glimmer of hope that I did have has now been well and truly extinguished, even though I don't believe my employers didn't act within the law. So I'm now undecided about what to do... I can remain where I am and hope something comes up internally, or look elsewhere which I'm reluctant to do in the current economic climate. There's also the fact that the new job might have also required a bit of travel to the States and that would have afforded a chance to catch up with V too. The travel itself would have been nice and a good change of scenery, so that entire package was very enticing.

I treated myself to a new graphics card for my PC in the hope it would help me run a few games better and cheer me up, but it looks like either something's failed internally or I need a new power unit to give my PC a kick which is more money (that I can afford, but this is still an inconvenience and an extra expense that I didn't need).

The online dating thing is something that annoys me. The two outstanding women I've seen haven't made any attempt at reply, not even a rejection, which is extremely annoying. There haven't been too many other people that even come close, so I'm reconsidering my membership (again). I think things might be different if I post a photo, but I am quite private, don't like my photo being taken and I'm kinda embarassed that I can't meet people offline and I come from a place where everyone knows everyone else, so I'm trying to find a few photos that are of me, but not close up face shots... or I would if my PC weren't in about ten pieces.

Socially, things have been slow, but the job situation is a real downer on everything at the moment really and I'm in such a bad mood that I'm not in the mood for the gym or anything else, really. I really should make the effort though.

Downer.

Suddenly, out of the blue this evening, I had this huge pang of something... regret? Desire? Something else? I can't quite put my finger on it, but it involved RB and for the life of me, I can't think why. There was this wish that things had turned out differently and we'd actually made a stab at dating each other, rather than her getting scared about some kind of baggage she was carrying. I don't know what brought it on but even now a few hours later the feeling is still lingering a little, if not as intense as it was earlier.

Weird.

A nice surprise.

Somewhat out of the blue, I've just received a friend request from QC3 on Facebook. I've not spoken to her in, I dunno, probably about 5 years, but I'm glad she's sent the request. I hope it turns into some kind of meaningful contact.

The work thing.

So, I got a bit of unofficial bad news last night, just before leaving work. That position that I was after has been apparently filled externally, leaving me stuck in my present role and angry, frustrated and well, angry at lots of things, not least the management hierarchy in work that I think has continually failed me over the last six or seven weeks.

I'll need to see what the actual situation is, come Monday, but I'm really not that confident in my superiors right now and if I can't even get a role that I'm 90% or better suited for, how am I ever going to get out nof this current role?

I fear that next week could see me brush up my C.V. and start looking externally for jobs - something I don't want to do because I do like working for my current employers with the benefits they offer... but if I stay and continue doing this role, then one day in the near future, I'm going to go into work and go postal on someone.

The online dating thing.

I finally got around to sending an email to the second girl that's taken my fancy on Match.com. I think I did a good job on it too – a bit witty, lots of references to her profile and a few questions in order to prompt her to reply. That was a week ago and I've not heard anything from her. Mind you, she wasn't even online for over a week, only re-appearing yesterday. I'll give her another few days to reply and then I'm going to re-consider my online dating experiment. I've messaged two girls so far and heard not one thing in return… not even one of the automatic rebuttal messages that the site offers. Pretty damned shocking if you ask me.

Fat Bastard

Over the course of this summer, I've been out at the pub quite a lot and, coupled with two injuries – back and Achilles tendon – I've not been exercising. As a result I've put on around a stone (14 lbs/6.35kg). That's shockingly over-weight… a stone and a half heavier than I'd like to be and I'd imagine much more than is really healthy. I think that's probably a case of "be careful what you wish for" as I was moaning about not being as social as I'd like before the summer.

So, with that in mind, I'm really cutting down on the booze this month. The only night I have penciled in is this Friday for the usual work's bash. I have four cans of beer in the fridge and that's going to do me until October. On top of that, I'm cutting down heavily on the amount of Coke/Pepsi that I drink. By my reckoning (based on rough figures), that would cut around 4700 calories a week.

I'll try and tinker with my diet too which could be a lot better if I'm being honest, but I think the alcohol and soft drinks are a bigger factor than what I'm eating.

If I get back into the gym and football again, I'm still aiming to exercise at least three times per week which should go a fair way to actually dropping some weight.

It's not just a vanity thing with this online dating experiment I'm running… there are days when I feel uncomfortable and bloated, so my goal is to drop at least a stone and a half.

Work problems.

In terms of the work thing, things are still very much up in the air. The one shot that I have of getting out of my present role has disappeared off the radar, though is definitely not dead in the water. I'm still following up on leads where I can get them, but this is a painfully slow process when more concrete details should have been made available long before now.

Wow!

I just spotted this girl on an episode of Stargate: Atlantis and she is gorgeous! I want to meet girls like this! Her name is Laura Harris...

My 600th post!

Pity there's nothing exciting to post.

The job situation is still ongoing. I'm rapidly running out of options and HR are playing hardball. My last one big chance is a meeting with an old boss tomorrow morning. I'm not sure what's going to come out of this, but I'm this close (he says, holding two fingers really close together) to jacking it all in. I don't think I'm being unreasonable in what I'm asking for, but you'd think I was asking for the bosses' kids to be sacrificed at some pagan ceremony. Bastards.

The online dating thing continues to be dead in the water... ish. After hearing nothing from the one standout candidate

However, out of nowhere, another girl has appeared and I'll be sending her an email soon, once I figured out the wording. She's almost completely different to the previous girl (if the descriptions are anything to go by) and kind of reminds me of a girl I went to primary school with... pixie-like features, small, brunette and, if I'm reading between the lines correctly, lives very local to me. There are pictures with this one and she is very cute.

Yay!

Spent a few hours in the pub last night with QC2, which was good. Our conversations can be quite weird at times... almost impersonal, but last night was not one of those nights. We talked through a wide range of subjects and included my current work situation (I hate it), my love life (not really enjoying being single at the moment), FA2 (she's an arse) and various other topics.

It's nice to hear someone who's opinion you respect telling you that you should have no trouble finding someone, but in reality that's not the case as you well know from this blog, dear reader.

Somehow, the subject of RB came up (it's hard to believe that's a year ago now). QC2 asked me if I would have another bash at RB and I think the answer is "yes". I know she's bonkers with baggage, but it's baggage that she's now had a year to get over, and she is cute and interesting and likes me, so why not? The fact she's halfway across the planet not withstanding, of course.

The only downside of being out with QC2 is that the night is over all too early... after three hours in last night's case.

Roundup

Work's pissing me off. I've been moved into a new team where the work is something I hate and I'm not cut out for - customer support/desktop support. I hate it. I'm not going into too much detail here, but I'm in talks with HR about getting moved elsewhere.

QC2 finally got in contact. To be perfectly honest, I was slightly concerned that I'd done something wrong as I don't think I've seen QC2 this year and that she was avoiding me. However, I got an email off her earlier suggesting we head out next week for drinks, which was a relief. I've replied in the affirmative, so that gives me something to look forward to next week at least.

Finally, I appear to have become something of an advisor to JB who IMs me in work a lot asking for advice regarding her love life. I guess that role means I'm not getting into her pants, but to be perfectly honest, there's absolutely no spark there at all, not even one of lust, so that's not a huge deal to me and it's still nice to be able to talk to someone new.

Still nothing from K on Facebook, so I guess our past is still, well, our past and she's no interest in engaging in contact again. As above, that's no big loss, it was just a bit of fun.

OMG

I've spent a very drunken weekend with BR. I needed to blow off steam and he, completely randomly, suggested I went to his for, well, no real reason.

So, even in my hungover state, I think I can safely say that Natalie Portman is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my entire life.

I was on the rain back to my hometown this evening, and I was walking through the carriages, trying to find a seat where I could sit, plug myself into some music and chill for three hours.

I did find the seat, but the aforementioned Ms. Portman was in the same carriage, minding her own business and... well... I'm not one for over-reaction or gushing, but my jaw literally dropped.

Stunning.

Injecting danger into Facebook

In this post, I explained what happened between K and myself. I'm starting to see her pop up on my "suggestions" section of Facebook because of F, a friend of mine. I'd argue semantics, but I'm the mutual friend in the trio of people, if that makes sense. 

Anyway, I'm considering adding her as a friend to see what happens. She is bonkers though. Maybe she'll come over and fuck me and I can get my head well and truly melted again. I know F and USHW would laugh their pants off if that ever happened. 

I wouldn't be laughing.

:(

Still nothing from the girl I attempted to email last week. I think she's been online twice since I sent an email, but I've been told that match.com plays sneaky in letting you know when someone's been online (i.e. if you open their email with members profile pictures in it, because you've access the server, they count this as being 'online'). It's been seven days, so it look like I give this one a miss and look at other options. The problem is, this girl was head and shoulders above anyone else that I've seen so far. Balls.

Step 1b

The email has been sent and the girl in question has, I think, been online since. It's a waiting game and, if you remember back to the RB thing last year, you'll remember that I am not a patient man under these circumstances.

If she doesn't reply, then I'll over-analyse why she wasn't in contact.

If she does reply, well, that's a whole different set of "problems"!

Step 1...

Well, I've put together an email and sent it to the only girl (so far) on Match that's taken my interest. I'll have to see what happens now. I'm really not up to speed on what's considered good etiquette on these sites. Do I message loads of people at once and go on a dating spree, going on dates with several people at the same time (well, not at the same time, but you know what I mean)?

I don't know. I'll have to see how this goes and how many people actually interest me. I'm notoriously picky.

Pondering with bits and pieces.

I bit the bullet yesterday and signed up to a dating website with a month's subscription. I'd had an account there for a while that was a limited version and didn't allow me to do much. So, I've taken the plunge. One good thing I've already discovered is that one of the few women on the site that I am interested in has marked me as a "favourite", which means, should I get in contact, there's no reason not to be positive about some contact.

I'm also thinking (still) about contacting R2.

The only thing holding me back on both counts is the wording of the initial message. I can carry on a conversation, but starting one is something I always have trouble with.

On another note, that girl I know who's RB's friend has added me as a friend on Facebook. I've no idea if that means anything, but watch this space.

A personal gripe

There was a night out planned on Friday... a social celebration of a personal thing. I had invited lots of people out to the pub.. .around 25. I wasn't expecting everyone to show up, but there were a core group of people that I wanted to come along including QC1, QC2 and AM.

All three of them let me down. Both QC1 and QC2 had promised to show up then cancelled last minute... QC1's husband was drunk and they were going home instead of meeting up with me and QC2 never offered a reason, just sent a last minute text saying she couldn't make it. AM was silent for a week after I'd emailed the invitation and then cropped up at the last minute citing babysitter problems.

I was more interested in QC1 and QC2 to be perfectly honest from a showing off perspective. Both QC1 and QC2 are, in my opinion, very easy of the eye and having either or both of them show up would be rather cool. Not that I have a chance with either of them as QC1 is married and QC2 has been in a relationship for the best part of 15 years. It just would have been nice to have had some "friends" show up... as it was, it was some family and co-workers (the co-workers being that group I've been socialising with recently, albit without JB).

They've all (QC1, QC2 and AM) all promised to meet up soon for a coffee/drink/lunch and it'll be great seeing them, but I'm still a bit annoyed about Friday night.

In a semi-related thing that I completely forgot about, that same Friday night was exactly a year to the day that I met RB.

Life goes on...

Well, I think I've solved the "Is JB interested?" quandry and my opinion is now that JB is probably 95% uninterested. She keeps PMing me in work and having conversations about a bloke she met last year that she's keen on, but he's not interested in her. Girls don't have those conversations with guys they're interested in, do they? I think not. Anyway, there's that, but there's this little unercurrent of something else and I'm not sure exactly what it is. There's a little bit of flirting going on, but not a lot.

Anyway, my own feelings are pretty clear... I'd shag her, definitely, but I'm not sure there's anything more than that between us. She's not, I don't think, the casual sex type. She does snog plenty of people and she does go to clubs looking for men, but she seems very retiring (there's a better word, but it's escaped me right now) when talking about sex and stuff of that ilk. I've never heard her swear in the (short) time I've known her.

So, all-in-all, I think this is not going anywhere further than just being friends.

I'm in a "not wanting to be single" mood right now, so I might have to look at other options.

In other news, RB's friend has been more open where she used to be really hard work to talk to. It was suggested that I might consider RB's friend as a potential date, but she really does nothing for me. I'm trying to keep on this girl's good side in case there's a possibility of RB and I meeting again (it's always good to get the friends onside, I've been told), though given that RB's currently travelling the world, this is extremely unlikely.

More non-dating news.

I've spoken about this blonde girl enough times now that I really should give her an easier name to type, so from now on (and I'll have to go back and re-tag old posts too). I think I'll call her JB.

I've been having this dilemma about whether or not I'm interested in JB. I was taking to E and E's friend about it a few days ago. E's friend didn't understand that even though JB is not really my type per se, that I could still find her attractive.

Anyway,  we were out last night and I'm still not sure. I'm also still not sure about JB's potential interest in me. I'm falling on the side of the fact she's not interested, but every now and again she does or says something that makes me re-think that. Like last night we were out separately but bumped into each other at a pub. The two groups were people from work, so there was a slight overlap, but she made an effort to find me and let me know they were moving on to another pub, a favourite of mine. I can't remember if I've blogged this before, but there was a point where I thought she was interested until I let slip my age (I'm 9 years older than she is) and I think that might well have ended any hope I had of us hooking up in any form.

Last night, though, I was definitely finding her attractive. She wears jeans well (i.e. she has a great arse) and the whole package last night just looked good. However, later on that night, she took herself off with a little posse to her favourite nightclub haunt and I never followed her... it was simply far too hot and muggy yesterday to be in an underground nightclub. That's also part of the problem... the two females as part of that group have these little groups of blokes that simply follow the two girls around like lapdogs and I'm really not into following girls around like that, even those I'd like to date or shag.

E's friend has suggested that if I'm finding it hard to figure out if I'm interested or not, then I'm probably not. It's logical, but I remember a huge email conversation that USHW and I had last year about my relationship with E when I was having similar concerns.

Speaking of USHW, she's been in contact over on Facebook which is good. I hope it continues because it's fun talking to USHW.

Oh, and as a postscript, RB's friend last night mentioned RB again. I don't know if there's anything worth reading into here or if she's just being mentioned as a mutual acquaintance, but I'm still finding it a little frustrating.

A rather good night out.

Well, I think I managed to figure out last night if the blonde girl I've been posting about is interested or not and the answer is... not! Probably.

We were out with a group of friends last night and she spent an awful lot of time trying to get me to dance. I danced... I don't normally, but I was reasonably drunk, in a good mood and the music was mostly great. There was also a bit of chat in the house pre-pub where she said she's been messaging me last week in work, but I hadn't replied. All in all, it's little signs like this that led me to believe she was interested.

After the pub, we were standing in the street, waiting for a few mutual friends when she simply opened up to me regarding this bloke she met on holiday,was quite keen on, but who ultimately wasn't interested. We went for something to eat, with a few others who, inexplicably, all drifted off before we got to the restaurant. So, it was only me and the blonde girl. We had a long chat about relationships. She was telling me more about this bloke and we discussed how men and women deal with relationships before getting a taxi home. It turns out that she only lives about fifteen minutes walk from my house, so we shared a taxi. I dropped her off at hers and came home. Unusually for a girl, there was no contact... no hug, no kiss on the cheek so that's primarily where my assumption is coming from. On the flip side, she didn't wonder (out loud) why she was opening up to me. I don't know why she did or if it means anything in terms of non-platonic interest, but seeing as I still really don't know what I want from this girl, there's probably not too much point in over-analysing it.

Weird

Out of the blue, last night in the pub, a girl from work turned to me and asked "Was I talking to you last week about RB?"

Gobsmacked.

I knew this girl was a friend of RB's but I never expected her to actually talk to me about it.

Suffice to say that RB is travelling the world and is not as happy doing so as she had expected. This is not unexpected. I had suspected that she wasn't about any longer... I don't see her name mentioned in any of the recruitment websites, so assumed she had at least moved jobs. I had suggested as much to her last year when we were chatting on our date. That's about the extent of the RB-related conversation though.

Still, for some reason, this has completely side-swiped me, so much so that I ended up telling a mate's girlfriend about RB and my frustration. I barely know this girl, so for me to open up on such a personal matter is quite weird for me. I guess I needed to talk to someone about it and she was there and asking questions, so I opened up.

I'm feeling a little bit "meh" right now and I'm annoyed at myself for it.

Things to consider

I bumped into the blonde girl today, during work. Remembering USHW's oft quoted advice of actually talking to females, I stopped her for a chat, specifically about her weekend and birthday. She mentioned that she'd had a good night with a few "emotional" bumps along the way (alcohol induced by the sounds of it). She asked how old I was. I didn't answer but asked her how old she thought I was. Her reply was that she thought I was about the same age as myself. I was going to asnwer truthfully, but I made a vague comment about something or other and left it at that.

On the way back to my desk, I saw her in the lift. We caught each other's eye and I shouted my true age to her, with sounds of disbelief coming just as the door closed.

I still think there's a spark of interest there, but I'm as unsure of my own feelings as I am about hers. Then there's the age thing. She's nine years younger than me. Personally, I don't find that an issue, at least not right now, but it could have a huge influence on her.

Saturday morning feeling

I had a good night last night. I was out with a group of people from work, including that social group with the blonde girl. I didn't get to chat to her much last night as she was being a social butterfly, but I am now reasonably confident she is interested, if only a little bit. I just have to figure out if I am!

Saying that, upon waking this morning, with it being cold, windy and wet outside, I had a strong desire to have someone beside me. Saturday morning lie-ins with a lot of sex and cuddling are fantastic when it's miserable outside.

Busy weekend

A few nights ago I was out with that crowd from work that I've recently been socialising with. The cute blonde girl wasn't out, but others were. It was a good night and one of the girls, that everyone seems to follow, dragged everyone to a pub I like based on the fact I'd taken her there a few weeks ago. I think I'm now in a position where I can count on these guys as a proper source of potential socialising.

Tonight, on the other hand, was spent in the pub with my housemates. This is the first time I've done this since I moved in and it was OK. I met a few people, but it was hard to get into conversations... I felt that I was being excluded, not deliberately, but excluded nonetheless. Conversations were closed off to me and people stood or sat with their backs to me. I had a bit of acid reflux tonight, so I ended up using that as an excuse to go home earlier than I would have liked. There was a girl that caught my eye... she knows my housemates in some shape or form, but I'm not entirely sure how well. If you think of a brunette Cameron Diaz, then you're on the right lines. Nothing will come of it, I'm sure, but she was nice eye candy for an hour or so. However, I should make the effort to get the guys out to the pub for a night out, just to get to know each other a little better.

Tomorrow, I have a family BBQ to attend. That should be fun, plus I can pick up some stuff from my parents' place too.

Upcoming stuff

The start of next week sees me being busier. I start in a new job, which looks very promising. At the same time, I should be starting my new gym membership. The new gym is a lot handier to work and my new place, so I should be able to attend much more often than I did at my last gym/house.

Tomorrow, I think I'm heading out with FP and seeing as the weather is nice, it should be good for plenty of, erm... appreciation.

Next week, I'm out with my sister and a few other family member for a meal and some drinks. I'm really looking forward to that. I found out today that the same day is the blonde girl's birthday. I may or may not get an invite to it (after all, I barely know the girl), and if I did, I think that would be a clear indication that something might be on the cards. If not, there's a work night out the night before that loads of us are going to, so there might be a good night out there, too. In fact, thinking about it, she might have a work-specific night out that Friday and keep her professional and personal life separate.

*not pleased*

F was due to come over for a visit this summer, but due to a recent house move and her hubby spending all her saved cash, that's just been blown out of the water. I'm disappointed because F and I get along really, really well. It would have been nice to see her again and spend the weekend in the pub talking rubbish and getting drunk.

*pleased*

With a few work-related engagements coming up within the next few weeks, I have reflected on how things have turned out with the group that includes the blonde girl. As I mentioned in a previous post, I kind of wormed my way in during a birthday celebration and then engineered a couple of moves afterwards for further socialising with the same people.

The last time I was out, I had some slight suspicions that something more was going on. Not anything hugely obvious, but I thought there were some very subtle signs that contact with the blonde girl was being engineered and I know that, in the past, some of the females have tried a bit of match-making. As luck would have it, we did spend a lot of time together that night, but it didn't seem to me that anything would come of it.

While I am on the outside of that social circle, it does appear that I may get further invites to tag along (if not actually become part of the group itself) and there have been subsequent incidents that may increase my chances of that happening. I'm not expecting anything to happen with regards the blonde girl (though that might be a bonus if it did), but at the very least, it's another few people to head out with and that's definitely something I want.

More random thoughts.

Yesterday, as I was returning from a social engagement with some co-workers, I suddenly found myself thinking about CAB. I've no idea why... it's not as if we were talking about anything that might have prompted those thoughts. Yet again, my thoughts turned to wondering what kind of fun we could have had if things had turned out slightly differently and there was the tiniest pang of regret that I called the whole thing off (or at least called it off far too early).

Random thoughts.

Before FA2 and I actually made our relationship official, there were a few months of on/off casual sex. I thought, perhaps naively at the time, that this was what FA2 wanted, having separated from her husband and was at the beginning of her divorce proceedings. 

Of course, it wasn't, and FA2 tried several times to force my hand into cementing our relationship. FA2 had actually been out on a few dates with another bloke, a friend of FP's. I'd been on the phone to AM moaning about my lost chance and admitting that things weren't looking positive. However, I managed to talk to FA2 over a quiet drink in the pub one Sunday evening. 

I'd gotten her out with the intention of telling her how I felt and that I actually did want a relationship.

Before I got to talk, FA2 told me that there was no chemistry with the bloke in question and that she was going to call him in the week and turn him down. A day later, sitting in the back garden, we spoke about what would happen after she'd made that call. 

I made a comment about doing something on that Friday night. I can't remember exactly what we did that night (I think it was dinner and drinks), but I know we definitely ended up back at hers, screwing. 

The next morning, FA2 said something along the lines of "you know that this means we're going to make a go of this, don't you?" to which I replied in the positive before going down on her for another session. 

With that in mind, we always had a playful disagreement about when our anniversary actually was. She reckoned it was the Friday night date, I reckoned it was when we actually vocally recognised the relationship. 

If it had been the first night we hooked up, then that would have been probably three months earlier. Why this story now? Well, this was the date we would have had that conversation, lying naked in bed together. It was probably around this exact time, too, eleven years ago.

More goal setting... part 2.

Along with the fitness thing below, the social thing has improved recently. I need to keep this up. There have been the unexpected nights out with a few people from work (including the blonde girl) that I hope will translate into more nights out with that same crowd.

Additionally, over the next four or five weeks, there are at least another four nights already planned with people from work. I have a night planned with my sister and cousin and respective spouses/partners plus a few nights out with FP.

With the summer rapidly approaching (though the weather would suggest otherwise), I hope this is going to continue into the better weather when things can get really fun.

In other news, SSCW has taken a HUGE huff with me over something that I really don't understand. She's let me know she's annoyed but hasn't actually explained WHY this is. From what I can gather I've done nothing wrong, so it's just going to be a matter of waiting and seeing what happens. To be honest, if this is the kind of game she plays, then not talking to her any more isn't going to be a huge problem. We only see each other in work, we (or rather she) doesn't socialise, so it's not like we'l be sitting in the pub ignoring each other. She might calm down and let me know, but she might not. That's her decision, but I really can't be arsed with the dicking about.

More goal setting

From the first of June, I should be in a better place to further another of my goals, that of getting fitter (and dropping a bit of weight). I'm in a position now where I could be playing football up to three times per week, but from the start of June, I begin a new gym membership at a gym that's much handier to where I live in terms of being closer to work AND on the bus route to and from work. That should enable me to go a lot more frequently than I did to the last one (no more secret perving at GC though).

Still... by June, my new fitness programme should be in full flow!

Rambling on further.

I'm now settled in to my new place, but I think I need to work on a couple of things. First of all, I do need to spend more time with my new housemates. I'm still stuck in a routine online that takes me away from the guys, spending time alone in my room doing some of the online things I used to do in my old place. Seeing as part of my goal in getting a new place was to open up and become more social (with a better social life the ultimate goal), sitting in my room on a forum and on Facebook is kinda defeating the purpose a bit, though I am readjusting slowly.

Secondly, there are potential meetings with QC2 and FA1 in the pipeline. FA1 should crop up next week at the earliest, but not too long after that, if things go according to plan. QC2 is different. The ball is in her court, but she's yet to pop up and arrange something (although she has been in email contact). It'd be great to see her again (but then I am a sucker for spending time in the company of attractive girls, even just for a chat and a drink.

Ramble on.

Sometimes, when I am unsure of myself, I read through some of USHW's really old blog posts, the ones from before The Big Incident (there are capital letters there for a reason). Now, before I go any further, when I say "unsure of myself", I don't mean I'm hugely depressed or anything, just that I might be under-estimating how great I am. USHW used to tell me I had a huge ego, half-jokingly (I think), but sometimes it was true because there are some things I do know I'm simply fucking great at.

There are some things I'm not so great at. Selling myself is one. That could be to a team leader in trying to get recognition for a job well done, trying to make myself heard in a group or trying to make a good impression on a girl (for romantic or sexual reasons).

Reading through USHW's old blog posts is an ego massage, but it has a purpose over and above some psycho-wankery... it does help me realise that I can be good at these things should I put my mind to it.

On a good day, I can be really good at selling myself to girls, at making a good impression, but I really have to be in a particular mood or have a good foil for some banter. Sadly, I can't really turn it on or off by myself. Apart from the recent blonde girl thing (which is still being pondered and nothing is decided or deduced), the last time I made a big impression on a girl was RB last summer and that was more a mutual attraction thing going on, right from the start. By that I mean we both knew we were attracted to each other, so it was a matter of not putting the other person off rather than trying to sell yourself to the other person. Even then, things fell apart, despite the fact RB was interested.

I guess this confidence dip is as a result of this blonde girl. I still don't know if she's interested or even if I am (for reasons explained in previous posts), but I'd like to be in a position to at least make a good impression and that's where things start going awry. There might be other forces at hand, too, but that's to be pondered.

The other thing that I realised when I was reading USHW's blog was that we don't really communicate any more. USHW doesn't say much on her blog any more... hasn't done for a while, and our communication via Facebook (or only other channel of communication) is very sporadic. I miss chatting to a few people on MSN as I used to do, and USHW is right up there.

Is there a reason for this post? Not really... I was thinking some things and needed to see them in the written word. Now I think I can deal with them better.

A dilemma, of sorts.

I am still considering contacting R2, a girl I met way back in '93 or '94 who went to live in America. We kinda lost contact down the years, but I saw her in the town recently-ish and I had previously found her on Facebook. The only thing that's holding me back is the wording of the message I send to her. What do I say to someone I haven't contacted in thirteen or fourteen years?

Results?

Well, I had a great time at the pub last night. I did get to spend a lot of time chatting to the blonde girl that I mentioned a month or so ago and I think my stock might well be rising with her.

However, she seems a little... I dunno... prudish? I don't know if that's the right word to use, but she mentioned that she'd snogged plenty of guys but when it came to talking about sex, she seemed embarrassed.

She is attractive, but I don't think she's dating material, but she might be worth pursuing for a shag. She seems a little high maintenance for me, hence the non-dating thing, but she is a really nice girl. I don't know if she'd be the type of girl that has sex just for the sake of a fuck though, given her "prudishness" and vocabulary last night.

I guess things are still ongoing, and the group of people out last night do seem to spend a bit of time match-making (though none of them are dating material in my opinion, there are a few I'd happily snog/shag). From what was said last night, I think this blonde girl is quite pro-active (strangely while appearing quite timid), so if she is interested (and I do actually make up mind if this is what I want), then I shouldn't have to wait too long.

Yay

A mate from work has just been in contact about heading out tonight. There will be a few people out, including that blonde girl I mentioned a few weeks ago, which might make things interesting (and at least make things nice to look at).

I've got a few things to do, but will head into town in a few hours.

Is there anything wrong with this picture?

It was a good weekend. On Friday, I made a successful comeback to the work's footy after a recent hamstring tear, though my legs have been aching all weekend. I was out with FP on Friday night where we trundled around a few bars before I called it quits reasonably early at midnight. Yesterday, after enjoying a (very rare) lie-in, I caught the new Star Trek flick at the cinema, follwed by a bite to eat and a few pints watching the footy on the telly before returning home and chilling out for an hour or so and then calling it a day. Today has been spent chilling out (it's a glorious day here - bright and sunny if a little on the cool side) and I'll probably watch a DVD this evening before trying to get a good night's sleep.

On reflection though, yesterday wasn't as enjoyable as it could have been for one reason: I did it all on my own. It would be nice to have someone that I can call up and do stuff like this without the weeks of planning that's required for other people (i.e. those in relationships, with mortgages, with kids). It doesn't have to be female (though there can be obvious benefits there if it were), but it would be nice just to be able to know that I can meet people socially and have a pool of people from which to choose rather than be reliant on FP all the time.

Yes, there are people like QC2, but she's more of a mid-week coffee/drink friend than heading to the pub for pints and football. People like AM are just too unreliable. FP is busy with his own life and everyone else (including QC2) are the kind of people that can get out every few months.

I suppose, if I did a bit of work figuring things out, I could schedule my life months in advance, see all these people and be out every week or two out opf three weeks instead of one out of three weeks.

We'll see... I'm still eyeing up the dating sites (though even the free ones haven't offered too much since I first launched my profile there months ago), so I might tweak my profile seeing as I'm really considering using these "properly".

An interesting weekend!

Friday started off well. It was our regular work-related piss up as I've no doubt mentioned before. I had a few beers with the boys, then me and a few others took ourselves off while a female colleague played silly buggers. She seems to crave male attention though I wouldn't necessarily call her a tease or a flirt. The amount of guys that run around after her is unreal though. I was kinda hoping that the girl I mentioned from a few weeks back would be out, and she was for the early part of the evening, but when we all met up later for some pool and beers, she was nowhere to be seen, sadly. We nodded at each other earlier, but that good impression I thought I made wasn't as good as I'd originally thought, I think.

Saturday proved to be interesting in that I had a conversation with a friend of E on a social site. We talked about online dating and E. I mentioned that I was probably going to try online dating soon once I settle in, more to expand my social life than for dating per se, but obviously I'd only be selecting women where there was a possibility of things evolving. I might settle down this weekend or the weekend after and start updating my profiles that I've had on a few sites now but that were never used.

E's friend also mentioned that she'd hoped that E and I would hook up, not that she thought there was anything going on (she says), just that she knew we were close and wanted the best for E. That sparked a further conversation about the amount of times E and I were out and people DID think we were dating. E's friend was fairly interested in that, but the conversation moved on to other things and E's friend doesn't know me well enough to prod further (or just ask questions) that perhaps QC2 or USHW might have asked.

Goals... one to tick off... more to follow.

I finally managed to move into the new place, only three weeks after signing the lease. Three weeks. *sigh*

The good first impression I had of the place have quickly worn off.

There's nothing immediately wrong with the flatmates... they seem sound enough and I'm only starting to get to know them and another couple of weeks will soon sort the men from the boys. The room itself is great and I've got mostly everything unpacked (except for the library that is my book collection) and my room already feels like home.

The issue is the house in general... none of the lights in the public areas work - hall, landing, living room, kitchen, which is going to play havoc at late-night wandering (luckily I'm right beside the bathroom and am unlikely to be playing sexy Hide and Seek with a female any time soon). There doesn't seem to be a vacuum cleaner, so carpetted areas are a tad dusty and the two guys behave like two guys... vast areas of the house do need a cloth run over them, just to give the place an instant facelift. Also, there's precious little in the way of cooking equipment. One saucepan that I've found so far. That's not going to help my side-goal of expanding my cooking range.

I might leave it a bit before I talk to the land lady, but we'll see what the next few weeks brings.

The morning after...

I managed to find myself out at the pub last night. It was a move that I'd kinda engineered myself, by talking to a few people, and managed, without them realising, to get myself invited to a birthday party of sorts. I semi-know the people involved - they're work colleagues and I'd even classify a few of them as friends, even though we don't do a lot of socialising.

It was a good night for all manner of reasons. I think I made a really good impression on a rather attractive young lady, but we'll have to see if anything evolves from that. I don't even know if it's anything I'd like to pursue, but she was nice and has a cracking arse.

I can't remember if I blogged about it, but there was an incident that happened last year when I was out on the town with E. I bumped into a mate of mine who had returned from travelling the world and we were having a drunken conversation while meandering around the bar. He spotted E sitting on her own and went over for a chat without realising she was my friend. We all got talking and during this conversation, this mate of mine mentioned a girl... a girl that he seemed to be quite taken with. He assured us that nothing was farther from the truth, but I've done that myself enough times to know there was probably more involved. Anyway, this girl was visiting last week and he brought her to the bar. I can see why he might be attracted to her - sexy, very good looking, intelligent. I'll have to have to have a quiet word when she leaves after the weekend.

The only other thing of note to say about the night was that one of the girls that was out is a very close friend of RB. I knew RB has a close friend that worked in the same place as me, but I never knew who it was until recently. I never got talking to her, in fact, I never got talking to a few people, but it was still a good night.

Today is fucking awful though.

*sigh*

After sending G RB's details earlier this week, I've been struck down again with an attack of a "meh" mood, tinged with a little bit of... something. Frustration? Regret? Wishful thinking? I don't know exactly what it is, but I've been thinking about RB this week both in terms of what might have been (and her personal baggage aside, she really was a good looking, sexy girl and there was plenty of potential for all sorts of stuff), but also in terms of it being last July since I last had a sniff of any action.

Last week, with FP, we did meet a few girls, but it was all friendly banter. There was no spark of anything other than just having a bit of a laugh, but these nights are few and far between.

Still, USHW's off-line for a bit, but hopefully when she returns, she'll have a tonne of questions to ask based on quite a lot of things, not least this blog.

And in other news...

Two weeks after signing my lease agreement with my landlord and I still haven't moved. That's not really as bad as it looks though as I was really only planning on moving on Good Friday and giving myself a long weekend to settle in to the new house. However, work-related stuff, along with a surprised visit from friends left me with little time to get packed up and prepare to move. So the goal now stands that I'll pack this week and gradually move my stuff across this week and make the final move on Friday for the weekend.

The friend in question, G, was home for a break to consider his future, professionally. With the worldwide recession the way it is, he's got a bit of pondering to do. I might actually pass on RB's details as she might be able to offer some advice... I'll shoot an email off in the morning.

Last night I was out with FP and I had a really good night. The pub was rammed, in a bad way, though there was plenty of female totty to admire. We were a mixed group and we hooked up with this group of three girls and went back to an apartment for further drinks. It got a little bit complicated with the three girls (or rather, with two of them) as a few blokes had their eye(s) on them, but it wasn't nasty or anything and everything worked out the way it should have done (in my own opinion). I'm really not cut out for 5AM finishes though.

With my imminent move taking place this weekend, it's time to start considering the goals again. The gym is on hold until June as I'm in the middle of changing membership from one gym to another, based partly on my house move and partly because it's in a better location overall, so I would have changed even if I hadn't moved house. That leaves the dating angle, though one of E's friends messaged me on one of the dating sites I have a dormant account on. She knew who I was and was dropping a line rather than seeing an anonymous profile and fishing for a date. I tend to back off when I recognise people I know on these sites though.

Still... the interesting summer that I was expecting is still on the cards. We'll have to see where these things are going to take me.

At last!

My potential new landlady FINALLY got in touch this evening, so we've made tentative plans to meet up at the house on Wednesday to discuss a few things and for me to sign the lease. I've no idea when I can move in... things are a little up in the air right now with this training course, so I'd imagine it'll be at least a week after that.

Packing isn't an issue... I really don't have a lot to my name and most of it is regular shaped stuff... books, DVDs etc. plus a wardrobe full of clothes and approximately six drawers full of stuff (of which about a third could be junked).

I'll have to make a decision before Wednesday night though, but then once I move in, things can start to move forward!

Weird!

A few weeks ago, I noticed that a "friend" on Facebook, a bloke that was in my year at school, was friends with FA2. Funny, because I really can't imagine how they could know each other. Certainly, I never introduced the two of them and as far as I know, they were never met or even became friendly enough where they'd look each other up after ten years on a social network site.

They don't seem to be linked in any way via Facebook right now, so maybe it was simply a mistake.

However, one of E's friends, who's added me as a friend on Facebook also has a mutual acquaintance with me. I live in a very small community of people, so coincidences like this aren't out of the ordinary. However, our mutual acquaintance lives 6,000 miles away and I've only ever "met" him online. I've no idea how E's friend know this guy... for all I know it's another Facebook anomaly that will fix itself within a few weeks.

Steps forward.

Over the past two nights I've had some really weird dreams. The first was a dream where I'd managed to steal £15 million and has it sitting in my bank account, but couldn't do anything with it or else I'd get found out. I woke up yesterday with a huge dose of fear! When I realised it was all a dream, I was so relieved. Last night's dream was a lot more pleasant, but not any less frustrating. GC was the main character in it and we spent the entire time flirting, but never actually doing anything about it. I woke up this morning incredibly frustrated... I still am to a certain extent!

In other news, I think I've found somewhere to live. It's been a long hunt, on and off for the last six or seven months, but I went to view a few places last week, found one that's decent with a couple of decent flatmates, and left a message last night asking the landlord to get in contact so I can sort out leases/contracts etc. I want to get in ASAP, so I'm hoping to hear from the landlord today or tomorrow.

This is exciting because I had some stuff on hold, just waiting for me to find a new place to live including dating, sorting out my lack of social life and changing gym. As I promised myself ages ago, once I'm settled in this new place, I might actually give the online dating thing a go to offset this on/off frustration I have with being single (and the somewhat ongoing frustration of last summer's RB incident). In a conversation with A yesterday, I said that if things go well in this new place, this summer could be a very exciting and busy time in the life of Ruuude!

*perv*

There's a girl who lives opposite me... she's a few years my junior, but she's the spitting image of Jill Halfpenny. Lots of great perving opportunities (but she sadly has a boyfriend).

Good news?

It looks as if I have finally found somewhere to live. It's only taken the best part of about 6 months, on and off. It's a nice house, bigger inside than it looks outside, reasonable modern, good area and a decent sized room. Big enough to retreat to when the outside world sucks ass and I don't want to socialise with my potential new house mates.

It's not perfect, but there are so few places that are. The only big concern is that the two blokes appear to be quite messy... the kitchen and bathroom were not brilliantly clean. While I am not the world's tidiest or most anal man when it comes to house cleanliness, I would demand a higher standard than was on show last night.

Still, I have until after the weekend to make a decision and I should be able to talk it through with FP and my brother-in-law as we have tentative plans for a night on the town tomorrow evening.

If I do accept, things will move fairly quickly and then everything else I had planned can kick off, too. This summer could be quite exciting and/or busy!

FFS.

I've found myself, recently, thinking a lot about RB. I don't know why she came in to my head... she just did, last week. Strangely, and in a co-incidence that makes the mind boggle, someone at work yesterday emailed me a picture of RB (we used to work at the same company, albeit in different departments) and today I noticed, through a friend of a work colleague, that's she's now on Facebook, with private profile.

I'm angry at myself for still thinking about her in the way that I am (a bit wistful, a little bit of regret that things never went further) as that should be a closed door and I should be looking forwards. However, with promising women appearing in my life far too infrequently, I guess a certain amount of looking into the past is inevitable.

Still, I've got a few nights out looming (FP, guys from work), coupled with the new job/training course and the potential change in living conditions means that, while the RB thing is annoying, I do have quite a bit to look forward to that will keep me busy for a while.

Moving forward...

Last week, I got the email I've been waiting for regarding my job application. The good news is that I have the job, but there's no immediate travel (so that's seeing V postponed for a while), the bad news is that there's no extra money (but that's not why I applied).

Now that I have this information, I can start moving forward again. Flat/apartment/house hunting can start again and once that has been achieved, then I'll look at my fitness and relationship status.

Tonight, I get back into the house hunting with a vengeance!

Yes, I'm still here... if you're interested.

I've not posted anything in a while... and nothing really important since the turn of the year, I think. There is a reason. I'm kinda stuck in a rut, but not in a bad way. I have a few things on the back boiler that require resolution before I can move forward. The main one is that job I applied for last month. I'm still waiting to hear about it, but that alone is holding me back in terms of finding somewhere to live etc.

It's not that I've forgotten the blog, but rather that I don't have anything to say right now until decisions are made and other things can resume. Once that happens, I'll continue to blog, even if it does seem that only USHW is the only person to read the blog and I'm not even sure she pops round that often any more.

Slow news day

Things have been very quiet recently. I have been extremely busy at work, so my social life has pretty much been fucked... though I don't really need work as an excuse these days. It really is shit.

I don't really have any further news from last reports, save my asking USHW for random sex (nothing unusual there.. it's a monthly occurrence for a bit of a laugh, it's not like anything's ever happened) and vague thoughts about getting in contact with FA1 again.

I've seen GFW a few times. We've had chats and stuff, but it's been purely business (as much as a friendship can be), trying to sort out each other's professional lives.

Well...

I handed in my CV last week regarding a new position I was very interested in applying for. So far, I've seen nothing that suggests I would be ruled out and even better, today I got an email asking if I would mind travelling for up to six weeks? The answer is "of course not!" as I'd love to head back to where our clients are. It's a great part of the world with good opportunities for sight-seeing, shopping, meeting new people etc. plus I'd get an opportunity to see if I could meet up with V again.

I'm trying not to get too excited about it all, but there is a part of me that is getting a little optimisitc about the whole thing.

Bah.

Well, perhaps unsurprisingly, my work colleague has not decided to go apartment hunting with me and has instead found a few friends of his own who are looking for a place to live. Back to the house/flat sharing websites for me, then.

The work thing is still on the card, though I require permission from my boss to apply for it and then I have to go for it... fill in my CV etc.

Socially, I've not done much apart from see my cousin this week for the first time in ages. I am hoping that things might get better socially within the next few weeks though.

Dating is still a washout... not surprisingly really as my social life is so poor. I'm still expecting things to take an upturn when I find a place to live.

Woo! (Woo?)

I'm trying not to get too excited, but things might just be looking up after the somewhat disappointing second half of 2008 (and you only know the half of it, dear reader).

An ex-colleague/friend recently announced he was house hunting, albeit with a friend, but has been receptive to the two of us hunting out a place together as his mate is starting to consider other options. Starting tomorrow probably, I will be investigating seriously the possibility that we hunt out a place... possibly something rather groovy and preferably very soon.

In addition to that, there is the possibility that life might become more interesting professionally (and that's a good thing in general if RB was correct all those months ago when we talked about my industry), but that's all going to rely on a chat with my boss about promotion opportunities.

There's also a couple of offers on the table regarding travel and stuff that will make the first quarter of 2009 quite exciting, if a little expensive! Nothing really on the dating front either... as mentioned in previous posts, the social life has been extremely quiet over the past month or so (even over Christmas, sadly). Still, I'm meeting up with a cousin at the weekend for many, many drinks, which might be the start of more socialising.

A thought regarding girls who take their own photo using a mirror

I mean, for fuck sake, can you not read the instruction manual? Use the self timer, it's not fucking rocket science! Yes, you look nice... yes, your pants are very nice and you are using an inventive way to cover your tits. You look like a fucktard for carrying the camera while trying to strike a sexy pose though, just like these girls.

Well, OK then, I will sleep with you, but only because you asked nicely.