And finally...

Another funk this week and a lot of annoyance at myself. Around this time last year, it came to my attention that it looked like CB was no longer living in this city. Sad to say that I was still hoping that I'd get a proper introduction to her or at least bump into her when out and about (I knew we shared the same favourite bars and cafes). However, a bit of Facebook stalking indicated that she might have been living just outside of London.

I projected a little and part of me assumed/hoped that whatever it was, it was only temporary - a secondment or placement for work - after all she's close to her family (her three sisters at least) and had recently become an auntie again. I'd made a similar decision myself about living abroad some years ago. Also, whilst doing my online dating thing last year, CB's profile on Match.com was still active (she had logged on several times while I was a member, though she never read the message I'd sent) and she was still listed as living here.

I'd still hoped that she lived locally and that I'd get that introduction that I'd always wanted and was even looking out for her a bit on New Year's Eve. However, some Facebook stalking again has confirmed that she's still in London and looks as if she'll be there for the foreseeable future. It was semi-accidental. I did a search for R2 to leave her a message, clicked on CB's sister by accident (they share the same first name) and then clicked on CB's name as she'd left a comment on her sister's page.

One of the most recent comments was a friend arranging a lunch date with CB in the middle of London and was dated only a few weeks ago. My heart sank at the confirmation. Her Facebook account had been updated as well. While it still says that she lives here, it's also been added that she has moved away.

Obviously, I'm disappointed. The confirmation means more than just disappointment, though. I am angry at myself for still feeling the attraction with CB, even after all this time. I'm angry at myself for not taking the chance to talk when I saw her in the pub. The anger directed at GB and MFF for not a) getting in touch with CB's sister quicker and b) not getting a definite answer is raised again. That leads on to the reminder that my friends in general haven't been that helpful (refer back to this post from April 2013) in getting me to meet new people and then, in turn, that reminds me of the ongoing issues with CH and this post I made from around the same time. And to top it all off, the ongoing woes about not meeting anyone who is interesting me from an attraction point of view.

And, ultimately, I think that's the problem. I was still hoping for a lucky break with CB because no-one else has taken my fancy and now, with that effectively ruled out once and for all, I'm left in the situation where I am still extremely unhappy at my single status and have nothing on the horizon. I think if I'd done any dating at all over the past couple of years, CB wouldn't have been an issue. I've never been this, well, infatuated with anyone else.

However, as USHW reminded me, I always wanted some definite closure on this and that's what I have. I'd rather the closure was a definite introduction, but that's neither here nor there now.

Passive aggressive nonsense.

Heating Guy was the last person to top up our gas... but that ran out about ten days ago. Rather than send an email out suggesting the next person top up, which would be the normal thing to do - shows a bit of common sense and maturity - he's been sneakily topping up the gas a few pounds at a time, then burning through it as per his usual habit.

(As a throwback to my previous post on the topic, yesterday was the coldest day of the year so I actually put the heating on for the first time in weeks, at my usual 60% level and left it on for a good few hours. As soon as HG came into the house, despite the obvious heat, he turns the thermostat on the boiler up to 90%)

Then, about a week ago, one of the fuses in the house blew. The lighting circuit that services the utility room, main sitting room and kitchen was out of action. Everything was fine when I was making my dinner, but whatever happened, happened when either TVG or HG used the kitchen. I suspect HG.

I heard HG flicking the lights on and off in the kitchen. Then, footsteps as he moved to the sitting room. More switch flicking before he seemed to assume all the bulbs had blown and went to his room.

Suffice to say, HG took zero initiative and it was me who replaced some of the blown bulbs and the fuses. It wasn't a lot of money - about £12 - but I'm starting to get fed up of both these guys' lack of initiative. The communal bathroom, for example that they share is appalling. It hasn't been cleaned since they moved in - pretty much five full months.

Anything that you might considered a shared duty (e.g. cleaning) hasn't been done.

I'm no DIY expert, but my time in this house has given me experience. I know roughly how long the gas will last given the its use, to within a day or so. I know that the circuits can be temperamental and blow sometimes. My "experience" means nothing though. I've spoken to TVG and HG about all the house issues before, but they never listen and both of them think they know better.

HG is arguably the worst of the two. He's been rearranging the kitchen, despite his changes making life more awkward (e.g. putting the bread board behind the taps so you have to move the bread board to turn on the water). And the incident that sparked off this complaint/rant? I went into the kitchen to make my food earlier and he's moved the one of the bulbs that I had replaced which were pointing at the cooker and fridge from the fridge to the dishwasher.

This is all very passive aggressive of me, but if he wants the bulbs to point at certain appliances he should have fucking replaced them himself. I moved it back, of course. But I'll be interested to see if he moves it again...

EDIT: And just after I posted this, TVG has just cornered HG in the kitchen and is talking about slashing the TV package AGAIN, despite saying that he'd go with the consensus in the house... which was to leave things as they were.

Swipey righty.

Recently, I had a conversation with USHW about the girl mentioned in this post. There's nothing newsworthy about that conversation in general except that when I was doing some Tinder-ing this evening, her photo appeared (along with her proper name), so it looks like she is single.

She is cute, definitely and I did swipe right, but I think it's more for the novelty because of the double actress-neighbour whammy rather than out and out physical attraction.

Saying that, I'd still make contact should we actually match up. Nothing ventured, right?

Socially speaking.

Recent events, discoveries and realisations have added to my usual funk and I need to get out of the house, to be social. Luckily, this weekend is our monthly work thing which may be good fun. CH won't be there (CH is part of the current problems), but the two cute girls I "pestered" at our work Christmas party in December might be there and it'll be fun to see if they say anything.

I'm also meant to be meeting up with D and Opinionated Guy for our annual Superbowl party which will also be a welcome distraction.

Add to that a big night out imminently with KfW2 and a less-imminent but no less drunken night out with M and MM (though not E3 or MMBF sadly) at the end of February and socially it's looking good for February. I just have to avoid Valentine's Day... though maybe getting GM and S out on Valentine's Day might be good fun.

Let's go round again.

Not that long ago, I confessed to USHW that I was considering online dating again, even though the last two times really beat my confidence down.

However, despite chatting to GM and KfW2 about my ongoing funk, I've not really made any progress in meeting new people. The chat I've wanted to have with CH still hasn't happened, so I'm going to have to be proactive about that has also added to the funk.

While I haven't started online dating again per se, I have opened a couple of accounts to see if there are any cute, interesting people about - Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid and eHarmony. The eHarmony account is already closed. You have to pay to see members' pictures. I can't judge whether or not it's worth my while if I can't see the pictures and eHarmony is far more expensive than other sites.

There's not a lot on Plenty of Fish or OK Cupid that's jumping out at me (and an alarming number of familiar faces from last year), so it could be that my decision to get back into online dating is made for me. The only other site I haven't looked at is Match.com. That's the site where I saw CB last year. Part of me doesn't want to open a new account there in case she is still listed as a member. I'm fed up of CB being within touching distance, but just out of reach. It's so, so frustrating.

What I've been toying with this time around is keeping the accounts open - creating a proper profile, uploading pictures but just let them sit there and check them infrequently. What I*'ve done before is jump in, message all the women who interest me and then get disillusioned when it all falls apart after three months and close down all my accounts.

CH

I've just written a post and future-dated it for the end of February for reasons that will become apparent on that day.

Hmmm...

Well, fuck me ragged. This is going to take some processing and no mistake.

Talking.

I had a surprise night with KfW2 recently. We'd met that afternoon for coffee as she was local and went our separate ways. Then I got a text asking if I'd go to hers for a few drinks. Her husband was out for the evening and I guess she just wanted some company.

The big talking point of the night came later on... somehow we'd gotten onto the subject of me meeting CAB and asking her out, but that swiftly moved on to FA2 and from there to the subject of how we broke up.

I explained to KfW2 about FA2's issues - her breakdowns every six weeks and her depression due to her divorce - and the solution that we came to. KfW2 was, not incredulous, but I don't think she understood how we came to that solution. To be honest, looking back, I have a hard time remembering the logic that both FA2 and I used, but ultimately, she needed a change of scenery for a bit. Not a quick two week vacation either... something where she could get away from it and take the time necessary to relax.

I explained all this to KfW2 who just looked confused. I've never thought anything of the decision we made at the time. Logically, it made perfect sense to me, especially given FA2's stubbornness regarding medication and therapy. Arguably, looking back, I could have made more of an effort to address the issues at home without FA2 leaving the country for months. After all, we'd been dating for over a year at that point and I was in love with her.

The conversation moved on, but KfW2 remained confused. I left an hour or so later after more chatting and a few more drinks, but I have found myself pondering FA2 over the past couple of days.

We've been talking about a night out soon, sometimes in February. I'm already looking forward to that.

Communication breakdown (revisited).

Since my coming back to work after Christmas, I've had one face to face chat with CH, but I wasn't able to talk about her unreliability and communication concerns because other people joined us. I was chatting to her today via IM and she dropped the bombshell that she was actually in the office yesterday (she works from home three or four days per week). None of her usual friends were about, so that would have been a prime time to have the chat.

I can't help but shake the feeling that she knows there's a chat coming and is avoiding it. I've no evidence that she's feels like that, it's simply a gut feeling.

There's the regular work night out thing in a few weeks that I hope she'll come out to, but that's a matter of waiting and seeing. (Yes, I could ask tomorrow, but then she'll change her mind etc. before it's time to go out).

No pain, no gain.

Tomorrow, the fitness thing is going to kick in. As mentioned in my annual goals post, I have a rough plan: the bodyweight/resistance programme that I did last year, plus I have a set of dumbbells for some weight training too. In addition, I shall be making tweaks to my diet - reduce carbs, especially later in the day, give up crisps and cut down on the amount of sweets and chocolate and reintroduce fruit and nuts as my snacks of choice. I will go further, but these are my initial steps back into the regime. I don't want to go to extremes though as that's a sure fire way of falling off the wagon.

I have some injury issues that might need addressed by physiotherapy, so the plan is to start upper body and core only until I have some guidance on what I can and cannot do with my legs.

Like last year, I'm not going to really document that here and I'll go back to MyFitnessPal which has loads of great tools that I use to track my progress, but that's not to say I won't make the odd related post here.

Step on.

KfW2 thinks I have an issue talking to people. Sometimes, I do if confronted by groups of strangers, other times I can take it in my stride. What I do have is an issue in chatting up people. Talking to people in general isn't a problem. Today, for example, while getting coffee the girl behind me in the queue asked "what's in the bag?".

The answer was sausage rolls from a local bakery. We chatted and bantered for the next few minutes about healthy eating, new year's resolutions etc. while my coffee was being prepped.

"Thanks for the nutritional advice", I said. "Have a good one!"

At lunchtime, something similar happened while I was queuing for lunch.

To ward off the obvious questions, there was no actual physical attraction, but this kind of spontaneous chatting rarely happens to me, so I always come away with a bit of a spring in my step.

2015 Goals.

While a lot of the goals I have this year are remarkably similar to those of old, there are a few twists involved.

The big one is my housing situation. Having to deal with Heating Guy and TV Guy is tiresome, even after four months, so I think I'll start looking for somewhere to live on my own. Possibly permanently as well i.e. buying instead of renting. My finances are in decent shape at the moment, so now is a good time to think about buying. I need to do a lot of homework on that front though.

Another goal is one that's often been seen: get fitter and lose some weight. I did do it to a certain extent last year. I lost almost 12 lbs/5 kg until I suffered a severe muscle injury playing football. I've put roughly just over half of that back on again. I'll use the same technique that I used last year (a body-weight yoga/resistance workout), plus add something extra (maybe a bit of weights). I need to see some decent results quickly to maintain morale and interest, but that'll be less about the exercise which I enjoyed a lot and more about making the changes to my diet. There's also a possibility of doing a 10 km run around the end of April after a suggestion by G last night.

Career-wise, I'm more than happy currently. I don't foresee any movement there, unless something radical happens. I have things to learn, to progress, to become better at my job, but I have no current desire to start looking for moves elsewhere.

The only other thing I want to address this year is the relationship status. Once again, I'm not marking it down as a goal per se, as these things are often luck and out of my control. I'll do my utmost to get into more social settings where I can meet people (I also still have a standing agreement with GM about speed dating), I doubt I'll try online dating again though I might actually try and use Tinder to meet someone rather than let it sit unused on my phone.

There are some other things to look forward to - a weekend away with G, FP, M etc. I've a few other plans with FP - gigs and sporting events and a big social gathering in London to celebrate a thing with G.

I'm tentatively heading into 2015 feeling quite positive.

Fun, fun, fun.

I'm going to leave my annual looking forward post until the weekend. In my mind, the year doesn't start properly until the Monday/my holidays are over, but I still have New Year's Eve to report on...

Despite all the stress and worrying in the run up, last night turned out to be tremendous fun. I met with JB at my preferred venue and sat with her and her friends for a couple of hours until I heard from GM. I finished my drink and left to join GM and S, which was round 11:15 PM. S's preferred venue was much better than last year - more people, better atmosphere, less dicking about by his mates etc. I still, I think, prefer my venue - the atmosphere is better, the vibe is more relaxed, the standard of attractive women was roughly similar and the music was better. It wasn't as clear cut as last year though.

There was some fun with S's friend, a couple of girls from out of town, a stunning blonde statuesque German girl, but little in the way of scandal.

I finally got my ass into bed around 4 AM and slept until about 10 AM. GM and I have been swapping text messages all day, reliving some of the antics last night.

Oh, and as an aside, and as you probably already guess by now given the lack of reference, there was no sign of CB last night.