Happy New Year

I had hoped that 2021 would be a much better year than 2020, what with Covid, lockdowns, working from home etc.

And I have to say that it wasn't. Ongoing Covid restrictions, along with some personal and professional matters have actually made 2021 much worse than 2020.

So this time, fingers crossed, that 2022 will be better. It's going to get off to a good start, professionally speaking, but we'll have to see how the other things are going to pan out - personal, home, fitness, health, mental health... it's all up for grabs. I don't really have the energy to make resolutions/plans at the moment, but let's see how the next few weeks unfold.

But saying that, Happy New Year. I hope your 2022 is successful, fruitful and happy.

Pondering

I watched the Jason Statham action film earlier, The Wrath of Man, and saw Niamh Algar. She reminds me of someone. Another celebrity? Someone I know? I can't remember.

Happy Briethday (not a typo).

It's the lovely Alison Brie's birthday today. So, yeah, have some nice pictures.

Party time.

I often think of FBS at this time of year. Usually we've had one of our (semi) annual nights out, which is a Christmas affair, so she's on my mind. And, of course, there was my last post with the craving of some companionship.

But it was around this time of year, many years ago, where things between FBS and I got physical. While it started a month or so earlier with a mis-step on my part around sharing a sofa with FBS, it really got moving after a Christmas party hosted by D. I wasn't even meant to attend. My favourite local band were playing at the same pub where R2 worked, with FP and BW and I was planning on that. 

Except I got drunk during the afternoon, fell asleep at home and woke at 11 PM, It was too late to hit the bar, so I went to D's party instead. (As an aside, when I showed up to the party, FP and BW were there. They had arrived late to the gig, couldn't get in, tried to leverage my friendship with R2 and she refused, so they bailed out to D's party).

While nothing happened at the party, I did get a notion that she was considering something (and I learned after the fact that D was talking her into it). 

FBS called me a few days after Christmas. She had an emergency and, for some reason, thought I'd be able to help. While I wasn't able to fix the problem, I was able to help a little and point her in the right direction. We then sat and had a few drinks, smoked some cigarettes and chatted. This was the first night that I remember we kissed, on her sofa.

AM suggested I invite FBS along to our NYE celebrations. I can't remember why. I don't remember sharing with AM that anything was going on with FBS. But for some reason, I did invite FBS along, to a party, that was out of town and 75 miles away. What could go wrong? What was I thinking? 

She did seem to have a good time, though. Once the party started to die down and people started leaving or disappearing off to the room that had been set aside for people to crash. FBS and I ended up making out on AM's sofa (I was due to sleep there), once everyone had gone, and this time, it got a lot more handsy.

It was a few days later again, into the New Year, when we first slept together, but when the loneliness sets in around this time of year, I remember back on this series of events quite fondly.

I think I've posted before about this, but by my reckoning, I've had more success over the Christmas and New Year period with meeting new people than at any other time of the year.

Holding me, holding you... AHA!

For the past while, I've woken up thinking about FA2 or FBS. There's a craving there, a desire to have someone beside me when I wake up. I think it ties into the loneliness - it's been a tough year, and it would have been helpful to have had someone to go through it with me. 

There's another element, which I think is what I'm currently feeling each morning, to just have a warm body beside me, to cuddle and chat, especially now that I am on holiday for the Xmas period. A lie-in, but with more. 

It's not about sex, though that's undoubtedly something else that I'm missing, but I have had days in the past with both FA2 and FBS where we lay in bed until nearly lunchtime (or longer), just chatting and cuddling. That's why they've been in my thoughts when I wake up this past while, I think. 

And here we go.

Our Sunday afternoon dinner and drinks has been postponed. It was a group decision driven by the most recent variant of Covid rather than anything else (KfW2 popped into the group chat and said she couldn't attend).

I was hoping that I'd get out for a few drinks with The Crowd before Xmas, but again, it's looking more like the sensible thing to do will be to keep myself to myself as much as possible so that I can do my usual family thing on Christmas and Boxing Day.

It's a little disappointing. I'm off work for nearly three whole weeks - my longest single break since about 2008, but I'll likely not be able to see anyone.

Post Xmas plans haven't really been made barring a tentative family thing with some cousins, but Omicron will likely scupper a lot of socialising until the end of January, I think.

Quick update.

I've been in touch with KfW2 almost constantly since Friday evening. She's been in hospital multiple times. At the moment, the best theory seems to be that it's a mental health issue (grief, anxiety, exhaustion amongst others) though the symptoms are something that no-one's ever seen before. They've done several tests and at least seem to have ruled out anything physical/serious.

There's still a lot she can't remember, though it's difficult to say if that's alcohol related or due to the breakdown itself.

She even called round a few days ago to pick up some things that were left behind on Friday. Her physical tics are gone, but the verbal one remains. She is a lot calmer though, which is good to see, and even laughing about it, though that seems a bit early in my opinion given there's still no real, clear diagnosis.

She was due to be coming out with us for dinner and drinks on Sunday, but I'm sure that'll be cancelled, for the best probably.

Got back?

So, regular readers of this blog will know that I like a woman in boots. I also like Anna Kendrick, so this picture from Pitch Perfect is right up my street. Thigh-high boots? Short skirt? Attractive woman?

And that picture led me to a promo pic for the same film with the same actress. Thigh-high boots? Short dress? Backless? Hubba, hubba!

Shattered.

KfW2 phoned and asked me to book a taxi. I was happy enough doing that. I told her to keep her phone close and I'd keep her informed. And a few minutes later the taxi was on its way. I sent KfW2 an ETA and the car details, and that was it, or so I thought.

About five minutes later the taxi driver calls me.

"Where are you?"

"It's not me you're picking up, it's my friend." I described her outfit.

Another call came through. KfW2.

"The taxi's not here. Where is it?"

I explained where the taxi was.

"What are the details?"

"I texted them to you five minutes ago - it's a white car..."

What seemed like an eternity later, she had spotted the cab and got in. I hung up and went back to entertaining the kids. This is when KfW2 can be frustrating, it was as if she expected me to "fix" the missing taxi issue despite being miles away and on the end of a phone.

Fifteen minutes later and there was no sign of her. It's roughly ten minutes from the pub to my house via car. The phone went. It was KfW2 again.

"I've lost my purse, can you do me a favour and pay for the taxi?" She was in tears and sounded quite distressed, which is unlike her.

"Yeah, that's not a problem."

"Thank you so much!"

Another ten minute later, the taxi pulled up. As KfW2 got out of the back of it, I chatted to the taxi driver.

"What's the fare?"

"£16, but I'll take £15." He explained about the purse, that KfW2 was not in great shape and that she had asked to go back to see if they could find it. It later transpired that one of her co-workers had it, so all good there. 

I handed a twenty over.

"Keep the change."

As the taxi drove off, KfW2 walked towards me and then, with no warning whatsoever, had a full-on mental breakdown right in front of me. I want to clarify here that this wasn't KfW2 shedding some drunk tears or a drunken rant about something illogical, this was immediately, and obviously, something a lot more serious than that.

She calmed down a little and I ushered her inside, into the kitchen. Over the next hour or so, she careered from lucid to panic attacks to having weird verbal/vocal tics. There was literally nothing I could do apart from try to calm her down, which I did by giving hugs and just talking quietly to her when she was manic. Her husband turned up around this time (I had called him and given him a head's up) and we tried to get KfW2 through another few episodes, though the panic attacks diminished, the verbal and physical tics remained.

KfW2 and her family left my house at 11PM to go to A&E. The out-of-hours doctor had suggested maybe a drink had been spiked, but I didn't feel this was the case.

I texted KfW2 earlier. They couldn't find anything wrong in her blood tests, she explained and they did no other testing, and sent her home at 3AM. When I texted earlier, she was back in A&E having had further panic attacks and a recurrence of the tics.

I'm presuming that this is a mental health issue. That was my assumption last night, and I maintain that theory now. She's had a bad time of it recently. I know work has been bothering her and there have been family issues too, to deal with. The purse thing was just the straw that broke the camel's back, I think.

I don't really want to go into further details and I feel I've already said too much. I'm not actually even sure that I'll hit the publish button on this one, but let's see how the next day or so pans out.

*This was originally written on Saturday evening, but I decided not to publish it at the time. I might still revert it to a draft as it's not sitting right with me that this information is out there, even if it is somewhat anonymous.

Just random nothingness

Nothing really to say... the delectable Alison Brie, but wearing some kind of backless outfit. Mmmmm...

In and out.

The nights out with S, GM etc. never happened. S had made alternative plans for the Friday, and GM messaged me, last minute, to say that last night's plans were cancelled due to S's "platonic" friend feeling ill.

I was glad. I was exhausted, but had planned to go out for an hour, but no more. Covid, in my hometown, has decimated the taxi companies, plus it's the Xmas season, so getting a taxi at kicking out time is a complete lottery, even if you have booked hours in advance. Plus, I don't know if it's extended Covid isolation, but it's becoming increasingly more difficult to motivate myself to leave the house these days.

GM and I swapped a few more messages. We've both got extended time off over Xmas, so we'll definitely get to see each other for a social drink, if nothing else.

Dreams.

Another dream last night, I was on a school trip somewhere nice and sunny and warm with unidentified friends. It was somewhere like Hawaii. We were off out on a day trip and a car pulled up with one of my friends driving. A vintage convertible of some kind.

Who was sitting in the back? CAB, covered in a blanket. My friend who was driving was oblivious to her presence. She asked me to sit in the back with her where she revealed that she was naked under the blanket and asked me to have sex with her.

The rest of the dream followed that pattern - we'd be travelling somewhere, CAB would be present and ask me to have sex with her.

Suffice to say, there was a lot of frustration this morning.

Hello again.

I had a dream last night that featured KfW2. I don't remember the wider details, but in it, KfW2 and I were close, but in a series of steps over a short period of time, she became more and more distant both emotionally and geographically.

So we started the morning sharing breakfast and confiding in each other and by the end of the day, she had emigrated to the other side of the planet and wasn't answering my messages.

Weird, but also semi-reflective of real life. I have, on this blog, often posted about how I don't see KfW2 any more. Since she changed jobs a few years ago, our interaction has grown increasingly less frequent. She'll contact me in work about work-related things. Outside of work, we'll swap texts, but we've seen each other face-to-face this year probably about three times. It's been years since we went out for a few drinks.

And I miss her. I've told her so directly.

And in a case of coincidence and/or timing, guess who WhatsApped me earlier and asked me to babysit for her this week?

Musings

A familiar face on Tinder today - S's girlfriend. Or, rather, what is now I presume, S's ex-girlfriend. It seems to be that time of year. They got together initially at this time of year and I think they've had breaks/short breakups as well around the holiday period.

We're due out next week, with S's platonic friend who he's secretly in love with. Always a good night out, that.

Good news!

Following on from yesterday's chat with Nerdy Girl, it looks like I won't need the backup option and I may have something sorted in my current workplace.

So, the current stress I feel will go away to be replaced by a different stress, but hopefully more manageable. It means that at least the start of 2022 will be very busy, as I adapt to new things and people.

There is an element of luck to getting this new role, but that was offset by the bad luck of needing a new job in the first place, when I'd spent probably two years creating a new role for myself and others.

However, that's for the New Year. Now, I can relax, take the last of my annual leave (I only have six working days left this year once I hit the end of this week) and chill out.

Oh, and CC didn't show up last night. I'm unavailable tonight, so I'm pretty sure she'll show up around 6 PM.