Just random thoughts.

Randomly, it was my phone, not Facebook or anything else that reminded that today is DSC's birthday. It's now just over six years since I last saw her and a good few years since we lasted communicated.

Someone asked me about her recently. Well, recently-ish. I can't remember if it was KfW2 or USHW. I can't even remember the conversation that would have brought her to mind.

Ah well. Just a random thought for a Wednesday afternoon.

Shine

What with the good weather over the past few days, an al fresco lunch with KfW2 yesterday and a lunchtime walk today with Nerdy Girl, it's safe to say that I am very sunburned.

I pretty much never tan... at least not in the UK. The only times I've have a proper tan was prolonged exposure to good weather... that happened three times. Twice when I was travelling and once when I was abroad with work.

In the UK, I go red and blotchy, maybe break out a few more freckles and then rapidly go back to my normal pasty colouring.

I like the good weather, but it doesn't like me.

At first sight

I've often posted about how I've struggled with online dating... how it's difficult to be attracted to a lot of women, that I don't form connections based on some text and a couple of photos. Even out and about, socially, it's rare that a woman will grab my attention.

Of course, there are exceptions. Offhand, I can think of at least five women where I've immediately wanted to get to know them better.

The one recognisable name is CB. As soon as I saw her profile on Match.com, I knew I wanted to meet her. She had a few cute photos and an interesting profile.

The others were people I saw in real life. And while the CB attraction was very much of the girlfriend type, the other four are 100% just sheer lust.

The earliest was a girl I met at a party who was probably about five years younger than I was. It turns out that we knew each other, but I hadn't seen her in ten years. I was in my mid-teens at the time we knew each other initially. I would have been early 20s, and she late teens when we re-connected. And the attraction was immediate and strong and I'm pretty certain not reciprocated. We ended up chatting all night long as I tried to gauge any interest levels, but they were non-existent. We parted company at the end of the night, never to meet again.

The next was in 2006. In fact, I blogged about it at the time. Here's the post.

The next two are weird. They're both barmaids in one of my favourite pubs in the city and they look alike - so much so, I actually thought they were sisters. I may have posted about the younger of the two before - we've actually had a bit of fun at a friend's expense. I still see them both - they still take occasional shifts in the pub and they recognise me as being a semi-regular, but neither of them know my name and we've only ever had very short chats.

Ummm.

KfW2 took me out for lunch today. It's a few weeks later than we had originally planned, but it's our thing to treat each other every now and again. It felt a little flat today though. KfW2 picked up on it, asking me why I was quiet, but I didn't really have any answer for her.

It's been well over two years since we last had an adult day out, and even then we were only out because it was her birthday. So I'm struggling to remember when we last had a night out that wasn't a celebration. She's already voiced guilt about asking me to babysit when she knows I've been trying to get her out, socially. So when she admitted that she's heading out tonight and, in just over a week's time, is heading to a posh hotel for a spa day, it didn't sit well with me.

Additionally, she was telling me about some recent praise she got in work. I'm really pleased for her, but at the same time, and I don't mind admitting this, I was jealous. I work in a team where the standards are exceedingly high, so it's rare that any kind of praise is forthcoming, even with delivering a consistently high standard of work.

However, neither of these are reasons for it feeling flat today. I just can't put my finger on why.

Game over, man.

Years ago, I developed a love affair with a film. It was completely unexpected. My parents were due to go out for the evening, and I rented a couple of films to watch with a friend. He chose one, I chose another.

The film he chose wasn't my cup of tea. In fact, I wasn't even looking forward to watching it.

That film was "Aliens". My friends had long been fans of the original Alien, but I'd not been one for gore or horror/scary films, so it passed me by. The sequel, while being more action-orientated, was avoided due to the original.

Still... Mike didn't show up, my parents went out and I started watching it. Two hours later and I was astounded. Pretty much everything about the film was perfect to me and from that day on, I've consumed as much Alien media as I possibly could - the Dark Horse comics, the films, computer games, novelisations, the Aliens soundtrack by James Horner as well as all the behind the scenes stuff that I could get. I've watched all of the Aliens films, multiple times.

Few things have ever grabbed me in the complete, immediate way Aliens grabbed me - maybe some music, a couple of girls... but I'm struggling to think of much more than that.

As I was surfing YouTube last night, I came across this documentary about the making of Aliens, so rather than watch it online, I went downstairs and watched it on BluRay... all three hours of it.

And later, I think I'll sit down and watch the Director's Cut of Aliens.

It's the only way to be sure.

A nod and a wink.

"How's your online dating going?" asked CC over coffee.

"My... what? How'd you know I was doing that?"

"Saw you on Tinder."

"I hope you swiped right... I'm a prime catch"

She laughed, but never confirmed or denied that she had done any such thing. (She hasn't, by the way. I would have gotten a notification that someone had "liked" me had she done so.) And it's not like anything would happen. Even if she offered herself on a plate when we were both drunk and alone, I'm unlikely to take her up on her offer.

She started talking about how many people from work she had seen on Tinder. "Loads" was her comment, but she refused to name names.

I can only recall seeing three people from work in my entire time of Tinder-ing (so years, on and off): GB, CC and one of CH's friends who was/is married. I had seen another girl on Match.com years ago, but I've not been active on that for years.

I did see one of the semi-celebrities pop up again. USHW had described her as a "blonde Emma Willis" which isn't a bad shout - it's all in the eyes, and she has piercing blue ones. She's always extremely pretty and every time she refreshes her account, there's another set of great photos on display. Of course I swiped right, but I've not matched with her so far, it's unlikely I'm going to do so again unless she's running out of men to date.

That's heavy, man.

It wasn't just KfW2 making comments on my tum. My brother-in-law had also made a few comments at the weekend. Taking this into consideration, I stepped on to the scales.

It wasn't good news.

222 was the not-so-magic number. That's about 6 or 7 lbs over what I'd previously weighted myself as and is pretty much my equilibrium given my calorie intake and low/non-exsistent exercise levels.

That makes me the heaviest I've ever been.

I think I definitely need to get up off my ass. I need a exercise routine that works for me, plus tweaks to my diet - smaller portions and more cooking from scratch.

Salad Dodger.

"It's cold!" said KfW2

"It's bloody not, it's really warm!" I retorted.

"Maybe it's because of this," said KfW2 and patted my tummy.

Eeek. Am I actually noticeably fatter? I didn't think so, but I've done essentially zero exercise this year, so maybe my equilibrium has changed. It used to be about 216 lbs (just short of 100 kg).

I've done some stretching since I last complained about my bad back, but I've not yet delved fully into the yoga again. I need to sort out my eating habits too - I think I've been comfort eating since, well, about a year. Sigh.

Just a little coincidence.

I can't remember what I was doing yesterday, but I'd seen a few photos of someone - I was probably surfing Facebook - when I thought to myself, "She looks like a cross between Billie Piper and SSCW".

Then I thought "I haven't spoken to SSCW in ages, I wonder how she's doing." I went off to send her a message, but she's closed down her Facebook account at the moment.

Today, while out walking with Stalky Guy, he nudges me and whispers "There's your friend who hates everyone."

I turned around, and lo and behold, SSCW was literally metres behind us, so I slowed down and chatted. It was only a brief chat, but she's always been fun to talk to, and all the while, Stalky Guy said nothing, clearly intimidated. I laughed inwardly at his discomfort.

"Tits or abs?"

I met CC for breakfast this morning. Or rather, it was probably brunch seeing as she's incapable of getting out of bed at any point before 11 AM.

As part of the conversation, she was asking for my plans for the rest of the day. I don't really have any beyond doing some housework.

As we parted, CC suggested she was going to change into a bikini and sunbathe this afternoon. CC is a sun worshipper. I've seen CC in a bikini before and she does bikinis well, but I've not seen her in a bikini since she started her gym journey, over 18 months ago.

I don't have to see her in a state of undress to know that she's lost weight and is carrying herself differently/better.

It reminded me of a conversation I had with USHW a few years ago, prompted by a question (I paraphrase):

"Tits or abs?"

I've been appreciative of both - CC and CH, for example, have great racks. QC3 and RB were more athletic.

It's easy to be appreciative of a great chest because they're usually obvious. I don't know if any of my female friends/crushes have abs or not - they don't dress with their tummies on show and I'm not in the habit of seeing them semi-dressed.

But, I argued with USHW, I'd be as appreciative of an athletic girl as I would one with a fuller figure like CH or CC. Or both would be ideal.

But that's what prompted the thought. While I don't think CC has abs (she's not THAT hardcore a gym goer), she would be in much better shape than the last time I saw her sunbathing. That got the imagination going.

More Facebook randomness

And another blast from the past... V has posted on my Facebook timeline, completely out of the blue. And the post that FA2 left has gone... did she delete it?

Plans

There's an outside chance of having a few beers with GM tonight. I won't know until tea-time. It would be good to get him out - I feel like I haven't sen him in ages. Probably at least six weeks when we went to the cinema.

If he does agree, I'm undecided about whether or not to invite anyone else. I kinda feel like I want to go out, but I don't want a mad night. A few drinks, catch up with GM and that should do it.

But who knows how it will turn out?

Oh dear.

There's been more drama from QC3 on Facebook over the past few weeks. It appears that the new boyfriend is off the scene, no information on who did the elbowing, which resulted in QC3 taking a foreign trip away. Presumably to "sort her head".

And who should pop up on Tinder this morning? Yup, QC3.

Swiped left.

Lookalikes

I was watching The Martian tonight (one of my favourite films and books) and it came to me that Quiet Girl resembles Kate Mara. Kinda, sorta.

Not like she's a spitting image, but in this film, some angles and mannerisms remind me of QG, same hairstyle and build as well.

X-rated.

When I awoke this morning, a few minutes before KfW2 called, I had a recollection of a dream about CH. A sexy dream, too.

In it, we started in one of our nights out, with the surreptitious touching, kissing etc. that moved on to talking about sex (she was very forthright in real life as well about her sex life, or rather, I know she got plenty) and finished with us having sex many times. The first time, I chastised her for not living up to her claims of being great at sex, then afterwards she rode me energetically, semi-aggressively and in many positions to prove that she was.

Suffice to say that CH has been on my mind A LOT today, and not in a "I wish we were still in touch" kinda way... in a "last night's dream" kinda way.

Call me.

It wasn't too early when my phone went off this morning, but I was having a sneaky lie-in. I knew it was KfW2 by the ring tone. She quickly apologised for not calling yesterday then proceeded to sing (badly) to me down the phone. This was the KfW2 I expected to hear from yesterday.

Sit down.

For the past week or so, my back has been quite painful when I move. I've also started to feel pain in my hips as well. I believe that this is my lifestyle catching up with me. I sit in a chair in work for 8 hours before coming home and sitting in my home office, surfing the net, gaming, playing around with some programming etc.

Apart from the quick walk at lunchtime, I am pretty sedentary.

I need to get back into my yoga as a matter urgency, not for the weight loss, but for the mobility.

Thought.

Due to a personal matter, I got a lot of messages recently. As one example, IG sent one that was quite funny and suitably ego-massaging. FA2 was in touch as well. The one person I was expecting to hear from, wasn't in contact, and that kinda disappointed me. My friendship with KfW2 is close, so I feel little issues like this more strongly than, say, S and his unreliability. It's surprising that she wasn't in touch, her empathy, thoughtfulness and understanding are part of why we're close friends.

Elementary.

Late last night, I got a text message from S. He was apologetic. He'd gotten the dates of the night out wrong and had subsequently overdone it the night before.

S really suffers from hangovers, much in the way that KfW2 does. It literally takes them out of action for at least 24 hours. If I suffered that badly, I doubt I'd ever drink at all, never mind to excess.

And it just confirmed the theory that I'd put to FC and FP the night before.

Cheers!

On Saturday, The Crowd had one of its annual nights out - a celebration of sorts. Except, half of them were missing. GM was on a lads holiday with a different group of friends and S simply didn't appear. KfW2 wasn't out either, but she had other, family commitments.

About an hour after we'd all met up in the pub, FC asked where he was.

"He was out last night, so I'm guessing he over-indulged and is currently nursing a massive hangover"

FC must have been in contact because not long after he mentioned that S had a headache and wasn't coming out.

"Yeah, that'll be that hangover I mentioned"

Saying that, it was still a good night out. Mrs FC brought out one of her work chums, an attractive blonde girl who seemed really nice. Did I catch her giving me some looks? I can't tell. I was quite drunk. Mrs FC's sister was also out, but she went home quite early. FP and Mrs FC's friend spent the evening chatting. I think their work overlaps, in terms of subject matter, not that they, personally, wold cross paths.

Still... by the end of the night, everyone had a good time and we all trundled off on our separate ways, into the night.

Woooooo

Lunchtime pints with people from work, including Nerdy Girl, equals a non-productive afternoon.

So I fucked off, early, and I'm now on my holidays.

Woohoo!

FFS.

Today, I semi-shouted at Stalky Guy. In a meeting where we review our performance, both good and bad over the past month, he started talking about current work. I cut him short and he immediately hung up on the call, which had ended anyway.

He does this meeting hijacking thing a lot. Unrelated meetings are interrupted or book-ended for his own personal updates on his work, no matter when the last update was. In this case, he'd updated us less than an hour earlier.

I had an old team-mate who did this, forever reporting his updates to my boos at the time. I asked him (the boss) when he wanted the reports so frequently.

"Why do you ask for him to update you six times per day?"

"I don't."

"Do you want me to do that?"

"No. You make this job look easy. I know you're good at what you do and you don't need the reassurances that he does. It's not the updates for me, it's the lack of self confidence for him. That's why he reports so frequently."

And that's what I see in Stalky Guy. He's one of the boss's favourites, but he's been so mollycoddled over the years that he doesn't have the confidence in his own ability that he should have for his grade or salary.

Hah!

In the past, while in a mischievous mood, I've sometimes sent provocative messages just for the reaction. And more often than not, I got exactly the reaction I wanted with replies coming back "You evil bastard", "You're evil" etc.

Bored today in work with a light workload, I was surfing through some old emails specifically ones where I'd been talking about Attractive Neighbour (I'd passed her this morning while I was on the bus and she was looking as good as ever).

It turns out that a specific conversation about AN had evolved into more "aggressive" banter that has left me wholly frustrated.

My comeuppance has arrived and I was its' deliverer.

Sigh, once again.

"How many?"

"Loads. Cashed 'em in for Amazon vouchers"

KfW2 was incredulous. It was another talk about the reward point scheme we have in work. Ever since KfW2 found out how I'd been doing, she'd been constantly asking for updates.

"What are you doing?"

"The usual... just being generally helpful if I think someone needs it. Sharing info, writing training documentation, that kinda thing"

"Wow. And you got points for The Project from your boss?"

"Yeah, but that kinda means I'm not getting one of the big awards. I should be in for one of the big awards."

"You'd be lucky, I did all the work!" she laughed. "He didn't give me points for The Project"

It was one of those laughs where the other person is trying to make you believe that they're joking but they're not really. And listen, she did a lot of work on The Project, but she didn't do it all and not all of it was successful. We wasted an awful lot of time because she wanted to try things that were doomed to failure but, and this is crucial, she would not listen to the others. Part of it all goes back to the favouritism within the team and KfW2's refusal to relinquish ANY control of The Project. She wanted it to succeed with her name all over it. It has succeeded, eventually, but a year after she moved on and with significant input for at least two others, including me.

I smiled at her, but it was disheartening, because I do deserve a big award from my boss. It was also because it, along with the conversation we had just before, highlighted one of KfW2's character flaws. Maybe two. Jealousy and that she's never wrong. My boss doesn't have to nominate me for the big awards, pretty much anyone could do it... including KfW2... but you know she won't. The Project, in her head, is still hers a year later.

Still... if the work HR department pull their finger out, I will soon have a few more Amazon vouchers with which I can treat myself. I fancy a treat.