Look here.

The weather was nice, the bar was busier than usual for a Sunday night and this tall, thin, attractive woman who looked my age seemed to be looking my way. Was she looking at me, or G? I think it was me, but then again, she seemed happy enough with her drinking buddies who were half her age, so who knows?

I kinda got a Near Miss vibe off her. Near Miss was also tall, thin, attractive and wearing a sun dress. Actually, I dunno how tall the woman from last night was as she was wearing heels. Big heels.

But, in a surprising move, G suggested heading out again tonight as he's in town until tomorrow. That's a decent week for me, socially. G on Sunday and Monday (and potentially M as well). Nerdy Girl for a trip to the cinema tomorrow and out with Quiet Girl to a work event on Friday.

Ooops.

While twenty years is a long time, the recent trawl through some old MSN logs continues to bemuse me with the revelations that I was more confident in my feelings towards E than I can remember. It wasn't just F. I've mentioned QC2, but I've also uncovered logs from other online friends where I admit both feelings for E and optimism that it might actually work out.

While I don't expect to remember everything from back in the day, the fact that I completely forgot about this is... concerning? I don't know if that's the correct word. This isn't some random girl that I met in the pub one night and never saw again, like Chloe or Near Miss. It's someone important to me, so being unable to remember feelings so unambiguous that I was telling QC2, F and others about it feels at least a little weird.

I am massively enjoying reading the logs again though, including F's updates about how much K really didn't know me as a person.

Out of the blue

A somewhat confusing dream last night, not due to the subject, but more about who was featured. I don't remember many of the details. I semi-recall running around either naked or only in my underwear for reasons that are unclear. I might have been with KfW2, searching for something. And then it turned sexual with first E3, then Near Miss and finally FBS.

E3 is the confusing one here. I've not thought about her in years, and I've never thought about her sexually, even though she did come on to me at M's birthday party one night. Similarly, Near Miss is someone I've not thought about in years, though I did try to bed her, only to be denied at the last minute by MfW.

FBS is not surprising, given that until recently, I've wondered about how tactile she's been when we've been on our nights out (and her lack of touching any of the other guys) and she's featured on other sexually-driven dreams before.

But, yeah, E3 is a confusing one.

Reminiscing.

Sometimes, when I'm bored, I trawl through old emails, reminiscing on conversations etc. with various people. I was bored tonight so, you know, off I went.

Deep in the darkest recesses of an old Gmail account, I found a transcript of a text conversation I had with Date No. 1 on the same evening after our one and only date back in... 2010!

Again, as I've stated previously, I'd forgotten the whole timeline of things. I was desperately unhappy, professionally speaking, and I met Date No. 1 only a month or so before meeting KfW2 properly, and around the time of Near Miss. But I'd never put the two of those things together, and even knowing how things panned out with Date No. 1. Even reading back now, the whole tone of the conversation still suggested the possibility of a second date, which didn't pan out sadly.

Just pondering.

For some reason, I got to pondering reliability this morning. I don't know why it popped into my head, but it kinda went from AM to CH to MfW and then Near Miss.

Near Miss has nothing to do with reliability, but the train of thought had evolved at that point and included KfW2.

Mainly it was considering how some people can be unreliable in their private lives but then supposedly take on important management roles where the very things that were IMO lacking in their private lives become important professionally.

AM and KfW2 are (or were) rubbish at time-keeping. While it's no longer an issue with AM (due to lack of contact rather than a change in her behaviour), she was habitually late when we socialised together and it was always passed off as a joke. It's similar to KfW2 who, according to people who have known her longer than I have, used to be hours late. She even admitted to being hours late to a date who hadn't fucked off home. Though, to be honest, if I were on a date with KfW2, I'd hang around too.

While there has been the odd time where KfW2 has been late to something we've arranged, she has managed to be mostly on-time, even in comparison to her time-keeping with other friends.

My issues with CH's reliability are well documented on this blog and really I suspect they had little to do with time-keeping and planning and more to do with trying to deal with feelings she had (i.e. non-platonic towards me).

Eventually, MfW came into the picture. MfW is also now management, but rather than time-keeping, MfW's issue is a lack of empathy and selfishness. Having lived with the guy, I'd hate to have him as a boss.

It was only once MfW popped into my head that Near Miss popped into my head, for the reasons stated above: selfishness. The night I met Near Miss, once it became apparent that her friend was not interested in MfW, his attitude changed to the point where I believe he cock-blocked me. He became very cold and dismissive towards Near Miss and her friend to the point where they ordered a taxi and left abruptly when I was trying to get Near Miss to come back to my house.

History.

I've taken another dive into the old MSN logs, this time with a friend of mine from England and DSC. I don't know why I was reading the logs of the conversation with the English guy, but it reminded me that the whole Date No. 1 thing was only a few months before Near Miss. I'd completely lost track of when these things happened. I'd forgotten that I'd had a quick burst of "success" in meeting people.

Also... looking back, I'm wondering why I was ever a friend with DSC. 90% of the MSN conversations were her complaining about something or generally trying to make herself the centre of attention with a lot of "I can't be bothered" thrown in for good measure. I'm actually tired just reading this... how did I not see this at the time?

"Hi again"

Despite not having any real luck with online dating, I keep my Plenty of Fish profile open though not active (all others are usually shut down after I have my semi-regular dabble). After a comment left by my sister on Facebook recently, I logged on again to see if there were any new faces.

And I spotted one immediately! Admittedly, she wasn't exactly a new face. At least not to me. It was Attractive Neighbour from this post. The temptation to send a message was there, for no other reason that I always felt that I didn't make more of our limited interaction previously. Obviously, she is cute and she is interesting (though her PoF profile doesn't give any of the latter away), but her profile blurb suggests that I'm not exactly what she's looking for.

Regardless, I had an "in" with the neighbours angle, so I sent a message. Over the next couple of days, we swapped a few messages - she was friendly in her replies, but I didn't sense an awful lot more. The conversation wound down with an open offer to meet (not really in a date scnario) if she wanted.

The thing is, even though I can see that she's attractive and sexy (having met her in real life already), I wasn't that excited by her. I pondered about sending the initial message for a bit until I finally bit the bullet.

However, as soon as I sent the first message, then things changed - it was important to me that she replied. I was pessimistic though. I'd assumed she had replied due to our real world connection, not because she was interested in meeting for a date. Though that worked in my favour. I was also a little intimidated - she has a wealth of really interesting life experiences and is well travelled (something I would love a partner to have), even though I have a good few myself. Despite my initial reticence, I was actually disappointed that the conversation never led to a date.

On the plus side, it was still a positive online dating experience and I don't have many of those. Attractive Neighbour was polite and while I'm not expecting her to use my phone number, it's out there at least for something non-romantic.

It's also re-raised the loneliness thing, so I might consider messaging a few more people on PoF while the recent AN experience is fresh in my mind.

Something about deleting.

The attractive, single woman I matched with on Tinder has updated her profile. She's added a couple of extra photos and updated her blurb. Self-employed, separated and has three kids of unknown age.

She still hasn't been in touch and I'm going to delete her presence - after all it's been three weeks. If she is interested in meeting new people as she says, she would have messaged by now.

Plus, while I have made serious efforts in chatting up women with children before (Near Miss, for example), in general it's not something I would consider and definitely not in the "sterile" environment of swiping or  ticking boxes on online dating sites.

Standing in a bar, chatting and having some chemistry though? That's completely different.

The further adventures of Ruuude in online dating.

My match.com subscription runs out in just over a month at the start of May. So far, my results are pretty much as expected. This time though, I have radically reduced my expectations, so it's not as depressing as it has been the past two times. It's not what I would call "fun" either, though.

Over on PoF, after being a "new" member for a week now, I still only have one visitor. As mentioned previously, she's cute and I will message her, but I'm really lacking in energy recently - work stuff and family stuff has really taken it out of me this week.

There was one girl on Match who I've messaged who, physically, really reminded me of Near Miss. I've popped a message off to her, but as she's already visited my profile on Match, I'm not really expecting a message.

Another girl who I think I've mentioned before who asked me to tell her about myself has repeatedly been back to view my profile, but has not offered up any information or photos of herself as I requested. I really don't know how anyone expected to meet anyone on an online dating site if they're not prepared to upload a picture, never mind talk about themselves.

It might not be getting me down as much this time around, but I still really don't understand the mentality of women on online dating sites. It just seems to be more work than it should on sites supposedly designed to get people to meet.

Surprise!

Yesterday saw a somewhat spontaneous, drunken afternoon out at the pub with KfW2. From the texts that were swapped, it looked like she would be on her own, but she turned up with her husband. It's not a huge disappointment - we get along well and I really like him, but I was hoping that I could start the ball rolling on the online dating thing.

We did have a brief chat about women - specifically, she had said that I don't talk a lot about women and she'd never heard me say anything about pulling people. I don't - often because there's nothing to say... but since I've known her, I guess there have been about half a dozen female-related "stories" - Near Miss, the 26 year old one night stand, the South African girl I had sitting on my lap within seconds, E3, CB and one or two others. She knows bits and pieces of some stories (CB, E3), but nothing at all of others.

I'd said to USHW a few days ago that the frustration from this year had, as she had predicted, gotten the better of me. I'm not expecting big things from it, but I guess a few months with an account on Match.com and PoF will either get me a few dates or it will be a monumental disaster. Either way, I'll be being pro-active and that's a start.

Online dating isn't the only thing to pursue, but it's the only thing I really want to do on my own (can do on my own). Other things, like singles nights or speed dating, would be more fun with someone else coming along - GM or S, for example.

Getting circular.

I've been talking to DSC a bit over the past few days, by text. We're meant to be seeing each other in a few week's time, on a day that I've planned to spend in the pub with KfW2, CC amongst others. We usually have lunch then potter about the town, chatting, having a coffee etc. This time, though, DSC said she might get the bus and have a couple of drinks. I told her about my plans later in the afternoon and invited her to join us which, surprisingly, she agreed to. She's met KfW2, GB, S etc. before so there won't be too many people here that she's  not met before.

I'm also hoping that my sister and brother-in-law will be down at some point too, if only for a little while. I'd like them to meet KfW2 (and vice versa).

Once again, DSC asked me if I had returned to online dating. It's a question she often asks, even though she knows how much I hate it. The answer, again, was emphatically negative. I don't have the mentality for it. By all accounts, you have to send out many dozens of messages for a return rate of replies of around 10% if you're lucky and obviously not all of those are going to result in conversations, never mind dates. You kinda have to leave your ego at the doorstep which I was unable to do. I think that not replying to messages is incredibly rude if you're on a website to meet people, though I do appreciate that there are a lot of men who seem to be spoiling it for the more genuine bloke. DSC mentioned getting upwards of thirty messages per day, some of which were pictures of guys showing their junk. But I refused to play by the rules - I didn't blanket message hundreds of women with a standard message, I selected those I was genuinely interested in knowing more about/meeting and tried to tailor a message for them. I think it's the same kind of stubbornness that's angry at GB and still would like to meet CB.

Still, the times that I was on it and taking it seriously (I've had a few accounts set up but never actually used them ), I tried to reply to everyone, even those women who made no effort in their initial contact. Sadly, the online dating karma never paid dividends.

But there's also the matter of the box ticking. Dating websites encourage you to finely tune your dating preferences with all kinds of tickable criteria. If I'd applied that mentality to real life, I'd never have pulled RB or gotten anywhere near Near Miss because, strictly speaking they're not really my type.

There's also the matter that, despite the fact that my relationship status is usually not an issue for me (and hence I don't often make the effort that I should when I meet people), my "hit rate" (for want of a better phrase) is much more impressive from talking to random women in the pub than going on to websites that are dedicated to introducing people who want to meet new people.

Sometimes, I'm tempted to return, to create another account to maximise my chances of meeting someone, but I know that ultimately, I'll end up depressed and question myself, just like I've done during my previous accounts with Match.con and PlentyOfFish.com

Planning

After the fun at the pub last week and recent conversations elsewhere, I find myself quite highly strung (if you want to put it politely) or horny as fuck (if you don't). Based on advice from QC1 a few years ago after the Near Miss incident, and with this weekend meant to be warm and sunny again, I think I might try and get a few people together to head back to my favourite bar (scene of last week's brunette) and see if she's about.

I still think that she was interested, but it was her friends that caused her to suddenly appear to change her mind, so it'd be fun if we could pick up where we left off. And it would be more fun if I could get her back to mine... or go back to hers.

The green-eyed monster.

MfW is away on a date tonight. I had to say that I'm more than a little jealous. Over the past few months he's met a fair few people for ummm... romantic liaisons. I don't know how he does it... he appears to be appalling at approaching people, with no sense of humour (well, to be honest, he has a bit, but he appears to be incapable of laughing at himself). Any time we're out, it's me that has to approach others. he tends to stand around necking Dutch courage and saying "right, we need to start talking to people" and ultimately not doing anything. It's a bit rich coming from him as he's the one who will wake up the next morning and proclaim the night out to be a disaster because he never got talking to someone. The last time I went out on the pull with with MfW successfully, he did a spectacular job of cock blocking me (Near Miss) simply because the other girl wasn't interested in him and coupled with his drunkenness, he managed to scare them both off.

Of course, there's more to it than just meeting women. Given that Recruitment Bird was the last girl I actually found myself really attracted to and that was 3 years ago, I am somewhat concerned about my ability to meet people. I know I've spoken of others recently - M's fiancé's friend, for example, but that's more of a case of I know that they're cute and single and kind of feel obliged to be interested in them.

Mysterious girl...

Work is deteriorating rapidly and gaining momentum and next week will be a pivotal week, I feel. However, I am in an amazing mood. The weather is fantastic and a trip around the shops earlier found me walking behind a rather slim, girl in a summer dress that was rather clingy around the ass, showing off a great set of legs in knee-high boots and vague hint of a g-string (which probably explains why it was a little clingy around the posterior). I've no idea what she looked like - she could have been the least attractive woman in the world or a supermodel. Sadly, I'll never know, but the sight of her slinking along the High Street has definitely given my libido a kick up the arse. A summertime kick-start, if you will.

So have a picture where I pretend this is the girl who was in front of me today.

The model above, while obviously a model and therefore very attractive, reminds me of Near Miss and Pretty Blonde - slim, nice figure, pretty. Near Miss was wearing something similar the night we hooked up, including the g-string, but strappy shoes instead of boots.

2011 goals.

With 2011 now underway, I guess it’s time to look forward and plan what I want to do this year. 2010 was generally positive – moving job was a main goal and that was achieved, albeit with a bit of help from others. There were a few dalliances with some females including Date No.1 and Near Miss, but I want something more.

The main goal is to get back to fitness. A serious leg injury, while healed, is still causing some pain and I need to get this sorted before I can get back to playing football and keeping fit. As an aside, I want to lose weight, so this new fitness along with a new diet plan (eating more healthily and more intelligently as opposed to a “proper” diet per se) should help this goal, which is not intended to be a quick fix.

There’s also the issue of the house and moving out and preferably ASAP. When the house mate returns from his trip home, I’ll be suggesting we start looking to move immediately... however with a month’s notice to be given, realistically we won’t be moving before the end of February.

Those are my only real goals for this year. There are other little ideas floating around in my head that I’d like to achieve, but nothing serious enough where I want to sit down and plan or indeed anything that I can plan for and achieve – some travelling, finding more fun stuff to do, finish my professional exams, doing some dating with a view to meeting someone. Some of these I can actually do and tick off a list, but something like dating is something that is out of my control.

Re-evaluation.

Over the past few months, MfW has been my pub partner, often just the two of us heading out. MfW split up with his last girlfriend in July and since then I think it’s pretty safe to say that he’s had the horn something shocking. Nearly every weekend has seen him get in contact to go to the pub primarily to go on the pull and primarily looking for a shag, not specifically looking to meet someone new.

Ordinarily, things can go smoothly, but MfW has an Achilles heel – whiskey. When he drinks whiskey, he gets stupid. Whiskey seems to be a weakness for a lot of people. A friend’s friend got very violent on whiskey and stopped drinking it. MfW doesn’t get violent, but he can get selfish and he can be a liability in terms of trying to stay in the pub. MfW's problem is bad/stupid behaviour, not violence. Let’s not forget, it was MfW that ruined the night with NM by scaring her and her friend away

A group of us were out on recently for an occasion and MfW started on the whiskey early. Within 90 minutes of us arriving in the pub, he had deliberately nudged a friend into a group of strangers, made one of our female friends cry because of some kind of paranoia, threw his drink over a chair for no reason and ten minutes later, the straw that broke the camel’s back, tried to mop up the spilled drink with my brand new winter coat. Only my return from the toilets, catching him on, stopped him from doing it.

Suffice to say, I finished my drink and left. He sent a few text messages apologising and stuff and tried to call, but I didn’t pick up. I sent a message telling him I’d speak to him later, but there was no point in talking to him at that time. I tried calling yesterday, but he didn’t pick up and hasn’t tried to call back. We’ll have to see what this week brings.

MfW needs to be told that his behaviour was beyond unacceptable and that he needs to stop drinking whiskey. It'll be interesting to see if he pays attention to me and the rest of his friends.

Questions, questions.

I had an interesting conversation with DSC tonight about my online dating experience. She made an observation that, in her opinion, I was targeting women that she thought were all stunning and out of my league. I disagreed. There were some stunningly attractive women in my list, but I also sent messages to "less attractive" women who had more interesting profiles too. All the women messaged had a combination of interesting profile and a good picture. Some profiles were poor, but the pictures were great and vice versa. Very few, in my own opinion, were out of my league.

I pointed out Date No. 1 to DSC a few nights ago, as an example, and DSC thought she was out of my league, but Date No. 1 made the contact there. At the same time, DSC pointed out a woman she thought looked perfect for me. A woman that I thought was very reminiscent of NM from a month or so ago. My argument was that I considered Date No. 1 and NM to be of comparable prettiness on my own personal scale, so how one was out of my league and the other was "perfect" was a mystery to me.

DSC then switched tack and said that Date No. 1 was too young for me while the NM-like person was around my own age. Date No. 1 was/is five years my junior, but that put her at the lower end of the age range that I would find acceptable in dating. I had messaged younger while on PoF, but really I was just expanding my target group to maximise potential replies. The amount of women in my target age group that matched my criteria was very few.

While I like DSC to be forthright, I don't think her criticism in this case is valid. I don't know if she will have changed her mind with the extra information I gave her, but it has caused me to think about who I might have missed with my targeting of women that I though were attractive. It's important to me to have that spark of attraction, so why would I message women that weren't giving me that vibe? Was I sabotaging myself by picking women that are construed to be out of my league? Admittedly, I wouldn't have chatted up some of the PoF girls in the bar if I were out, but there have been a few that I consider to be as pretty as Date No. 1/NM with decent results.

I don't know. I'll have to give this a ponder.

The QCs

I met up with QC1 for lunch yesterday. I always enjoy meeting up with QC1, but I really don’t see her enough. She was asking after NM, if I’d seen her again, and gave me an update on the blind date thing she’s trying to arrange (it’s still happening, but things have been made more complicated by the blind date’s sister, so the arrangements are taking more time than anticipated).

Semi-related to QC1, following on from this post, I’ve yet to hear back from QC2 or QC3. The QC2 thing is starting to get slightly annoying as emails are disappearing into the ether. I want to meet up with her, but the thing that’s annoying me is the lack of replies, not the lack of going out for a drink with her.

I’ve also decided that I’m going to get into the online dating thing again. DSC has been trying to talk me into it for the past month or so and I’ve resisted, but the being single thing is slowly creeping up to annoying levels again. I’ve said it before that most of the time, it’s not an issue, but it does pop up every now and again. The recent Near Miss thing has kicked it all off again, I think. DSC has offered to come and help me build a profile for a site… probably PoF or Match as she seems to have had lots of joy in getting messages if not dates. That was my issue last time… the lack of contact either by way of replies to my own initial contact or people getting in contact with me.

A long, but enjoyable weekend, finishes.

A few days ago, I went to FBS's unofficial wedding reception along with a few other friends, such as D and D's wife. It was good fun even though I still feel somewhat self-conscious around FBS, given our past. One thing I did notice, especially given my recent thoughts about meeting people is that there were no single women there. I did see a few that were interesting. I can remember one girl who was wearing this slinky blue dress who was cute and reminded me of a cross between Date No. 1 and Vicki Butler Henderson (and the two of them are similar looking too). Sadly, she's married with kids as were the other interesting women. It was just a reminder about how old I'm getting when a wedding reception has no available women.

MfW turned up later and we eventually crashed back at mine for a few beers and some late night chat. I found out some interesting things about co-workers which was entertaining, but nothing that will ever be made public. It was interesting having a chat with MfW though. He's recently broken up with his girlfriend of about two years, but is looking for someone already rather than something physical. I did joke with him about him spoiling my chances a few weeks ago with NM, but that wouldn't stop me from heading out with him again.

Moving on.

I'm in the middle of a busy weekend. I was out at a gig on Thursday, a few quiet drinks on Friday, a stag night last night and a pseudo-wedding reception tonight with FBS and D amongst othes. Mostly, these have all been fun.

The gig was amazing. I'd spent all day not really feeling the excitement, but once there, it all kicked in. A few quiet drinks with a couple of mates was food fun, but low key. The supposed big night of the weekend turned out to be the most disappointing. It was disorganised and the people involved were, well dicks. The stag suggested a pub (the one where I met NM), there were a few dissenting voices, but no real reason why we shouldn't go. Fourteen of us managed to get in, except for the best man who wasn't allowed in as he'd worked there before... a fact he'd neglected to tell us. The party went across to that trendy bar I was in last week while me and a mate stayed behind "accidentally".

I did keep an eye out for NM or her friend, but I saw neither. I had hoped, a little, that she would be there last night. After all her friend has been there a few weeks running, so I'd hoped she would pass on the message that she'd seen me and NM would turn up herself. That was clutching at straws a little, I think, and as she wasn't there last night, I'm going to have to give up on NM and look elsewhere. Time to have another conversation with DSC, I think.