Favourite favour.

For around two and a half hours last night, I entertained KfW2's lot while she attended a family thing. She had tentatively asked me on Thursday night while I was in the pub with a few friends. I think she thought I'd refuse due to hangovers or summat , but I like KfW2's kids (mostly) and there were other reasons that I felt it was a favour I had to do for KfW2.

This time, there was no CC. Just me. At my house.

And it went smoothly. Or as smoothly as you might expect with three infants running around. We played, we watched films on Netflix and had fun. And secret treats.

And I know she really, genuinely, appreciates it... but it seems that it's for an instant and then semi-forgotten.

I know that if I needed something, she'd do her best to help out, but the truth is, I don't really need any favours per se. Just some emotional support and (adult) company sometimes.

And running around after kids REALLY tires you out!

Oh!

It dawned on me today that today, well Easter Saturday, rather than the specific date, was the day that FA2 and I first slept together. As I pointed out in a post in February, it's twenty years since FA2 and I first got together. From a somewhat awkward first kiss (neither of us ever admitted to making the first move, but I'm adamant to this day that it wasn't me), a few social engagements that we both attended (not dates per se) that ended up with me going back to hers for "coffee".

That was the case this day. Myself, FA2, BW, G, BR and a few others were out at the pub. BW had invited FA2 - it wouldn't have crossed my mind to invite an "outsider" to a blokes' night out that consisted entirely of old school friends. At this stage, FA2 and I had a few late nights making out on her sofa with a bit of groping, but I was reluctant to push for more. I think the BW mutual friends thing was stopping me from doing so. In fact, each time we made out, I treated it as the first time, almost doing a reset each time I left her house.

FA2 turned up in a sheer green blouse and nice looking push-up bra, purely for my benefit. We had had a previous conversation (I can't remember how it started) where she reckoned that would be her outfit of choice to make an impression and I'd voiced my approval.

I didn't notice or know at the time, but while I was at the bar or at the toilets, there seemed to be a lot of talk about myself and FA2. Seating arrangements were changed so that we sat beside each other. There were knowing looks from the others when I returned to the table. FA2 became increasingly more tactile as the evening wore on, though in way that was not obvious to anyone.

We left at closing time and went our separate ways. I shared a taxi with BW and FA2. BW was dropped off first and FA2 was quick to offer "coffee", which I accepted.

Within minutes of arriving at FA2's, we were horizontal on the sofa. Again, despite all the signals, I was treating this as our first time making out. FA2 decided that she wasn't having this and started taking things further - grinding and placing my hands on her tits. After a few seconds of this, I suggested that we maybe went upstairs. FA2 wasted no time in grabbing my hand and leading me to her bedroom whereupon I managed an adequate performance that left me satisfied but not FA2 (I should have known at the time, but this broke a dry spell for me, so if I am being honest, I was a little selfish).

It was nearly another two months, some idiocy from me, and only one or two more repeat performances in the bedroom before FA2 and I agreed to become official.

Digest.

Another digest - it seems I don't have any big news to report, interesting things to ponder or general nonsense to spout that's enough for a post on its own.

KfW2 had an interview today for a job. She thinks it went poorly but she's said over many years that she's crap at interviews. She's very good at her job, personable and all kinds of other positives things that a good interviewer should spot. She doesn't think she'll get the job, but she's also quite negative about these things. I want her to get the job, but I don't want her to leave the team. I enjoy working with her and her company. And I hate change. She might only move twenty meters away, but it will feel like twenty miles. Plus it reinforces my own professional unhappiness.

I've had weird dreams as well this week, on top of not sleeping well. KfW2 has featured (non-sexual and weird), RB (sexual and frustrating), MF (non-sexual and uninteresting) plus a host of celebs as well. The KfW2 ones are reminiscent of the dream I described a few weeks ago, only without the sex - but the theme seemed the same - an ending of sorts, a change in dynamic between us.

I've taken a day off at the end of the week, plus it's a long weekend and, for the first time in ages, I'm going to the monthly work thing, so I am looking forward to the weekend. There's also a possibility of a night out with S, GM, SG etc. but that seems to be turning into a night at GM's for poker. I don't mind poker nights, to be honest, but I lose interest really quickly. After an hour, I'll be bored and looking to do something else. Let's see what happens there.

Meh.

I'm tired. I've developed a sore neck and a sore throat and had little sleep, so you get a digest, dear reader.

In a surprise twist, G sent a text on Saturday asking if I was free for coffee. I was, so we took ourselves off for an hour to chat, catch-up and generally just chill while G's kids ran riot at an indoor play park.

I had my meeting with my local people in work and I cannot take my concerns any further. The Head of HR has graciously offered to speak to the local people, but it won't change the low performance score and, more importantly, get me the pay rise I've been working towards all year.

KfW2 has an internal job interview on Thursday. I hope she gets it - she's nearly in as bad a state as me, mentally.

But the talk of pay rises, KfW2 moving to another team etc. has left me deflated.

I just need something good/fun/exciting/lucky to happen.

Posting for posting sake.

So, a brief digest...

I am still to meet some local people regarding the ongoing work stuff. FP, KfW2 and others have all advised on taking it further, which I'd already decided to do. I'm both stubborn and won't be bullied, so letting this go easily is not something that's going to happen. Plus, getting the score I think I deserve would mean a pay rise, albeit a small one.

However, going forward, the wanker boss issue should be less of an issue as he's no longer my boss. Result! Instead, we have  new boss, who's local to us. I believe the phrase is tough but fair, and that works for me. At least in the short term.

I still haven't gotten KfW2 out socially, and it's likely to be a while as well. I have an vague invite out for a night at mine, including KfW2. I say "vague" but really it's a solid invite, but everyone has to decide the date.

Getting KfW2 out socially is a big thing for me and it's really disappointing that it's something I can't make happen.

Sigh, again.

Unsurprisingly, in Ireland, pubs are busy on St. Patrick's Day.

When St. Patrick's Day coincides with the last day of the Six Nations championship, and Ireland are on for the Grand Slam and Triple Crown, then that's just going to add more business to already busy bars.

I'd suggested a day out. It's always me who suggests and arranges these things. We'd agreed, as a group, to head out earlier to catch the rugby match, and the details were finalised at lunchtime.

I arrived at the designated pub first (one of my favourite bars - the one where I've seen CB in years gone by). It was packed and the bouncers were not letting anyone in. I texted the group:

Me: Bar A's full. Not letting anyone in. I'm across the road in Bar B but there's no TV.

Ten minute later (twenty minutes after our arranged meeting time):

FC: We got into the bar. Try again.
Me: I've got a beer. I'll be over once I finish this.

Ten minutes later:

Me: Still no luck in getting in. Still too busy.
FC: My friend's in Bar C.

I walk up the road to this third bar. It's packed. No sign of FC's friend.

FC: My friend's now in Bar B. Can you see him? We're staying here to watch the rugby. England are taking a beating. We will meet you at half time.
Me: I was in Bar C, but now I'm on my way home.

I was the first to arrive, FC and his wife were ten minutes later, but rather than meet me, they went to the original bar. Then they refused to leave. They wanted me to hang around with THEIR friend, unable to watch the rugby, while they sat 50 meters away. GM and SG were still some time away.

I'd had enough, to be honest. Just over an hour after leaving the house, I was back again. It's not the first time that FC has shown this selfish side.

GM and SG arrived a few hours later (I suspect once I'd messaged about the problems getting into Pub A that they watched the match at home).

They tried to persuade me to go out, and for a while I considered it, but I was still a bit annoyed at FC's conduct.

It wasn't the St. Patrick's Day that I'd imagined, but it was still enjoyable. I got to see most of the rugby match. I watched a football match and then a couple of films on Netflix.

But I really could have done with being out socially.

Why do I bother?

So, guess what? My appeal came to nothing. My boss made a token, but ultimately useless gesture. While I successfully argued against the nonsense that he spouted a few months ago, this was magically replaced by other stuff (that I don't have the details on, but may still be nonsense).

I've been off kilter all day. KfW2 was concerned - she saw that my mind was elsewhere. We chatted about it. We had a difference of opinion on some bits - specifically, KfW2 disagrees with my focus on the fact that my manager didn't follow process and says that I'm over playing it. I disagree - the process is important, though it's not my only or major argument.

I potentially have another level of appeal, but I'm wondering if it's worth my while. There are things that were said earlier that don't sit right with me. Like my local boss not being the independant third party I though and that it was my boss who decided which scores would change. That's not how I thought this appeal process would go.

I'm worn down, but the stubborn part of me doesn't take bullying/harassment lying down and refuses to let go. And that's what it is in my opinion - bullying.

Sigh. I'm tired. I'm stressed.

So, so tired.

Back in the office today after a few days off. But I've been exhausted all day long. While I did sleep OK last night, it wasn't perfect sleep and I've felt, all day, that I hadn't actually slept at all.

I also realised that I simply don't want to work for the problematic boss any more. Coming back undid any of the stress relief that I'd gained over the past few days.

I have a meeting set up tomorrow, with local representatives, to talk about these things, so things might change as a result of that, but it's unlikely.

Untitled.

I haven't had enough coffee yet to come up with a title.

Ironically, only a few hours after my last post, I spent an entire evening in the company of KfW2, and only KfW2.

Not in a bar, but at my house.

Not a purely social evening either, we were trying to figure out what was wrong with her Dad's laptop. She left around 11:30 PM, after 6 hours of frustration, trouble-shooting, tea drinking and demolishing my collection of chocolate biscuits.

As she left, she was apologetic about "wasting my evening", but I've done nothing that I wouldn't have done on my own - sit in front of the telly, or the PC. This time, I had company.

We didn't really get into any kind of proper chat - we touched briefly on the work stuff - but it was all small talk in between watching the TV and problem solving. There wasn't any of the deeper stuff that we can get into at other times.

It was nice to have the company and I do enjoy the technical troubleshooting, but bittersweet because, like the kiddie play dates mentioned earlier, I only had the company because I was doing her a favour.

Sad face.

Facebook has reminded me that it's a complete calendar year since KfW2 and I had our last night out, just the two of us. A night where KfW2, completely serious albeit drunk, made me promise that when I do eventually meet someone special that our friendship won't pay the price.

We've been out socially since then, but always in a group. I've blogged about it before, but any time I've raised it, KfW2 states that she hasn't been out to the pub with anyone else.

She's missing the point. She's been to spa days with CC, for example. Or out with dinner with CC and another work friend.

With me, it's always kiddie play dates with her three kids.

I want to take KfW2 out, sit in the corner of one of our favourite pubs, people watch, chat and drink gin. And shots, when KfW2 inevitably gets drunk decides tequila is the way forward.

It was days and nights like these that laid the foundations of our friendship and it would be nice if, every now and again, we could revisit these, for old times... to celebrate one of my dearest ever friendships. But KfW2 is becoming more insistent that she's finished drinking (she hasn't) or that she feels the trip into the city for social events is too much trouble and expense (she has a point here to be fair).

It doesn't stop it from being incredibly disappointing though.

(It's also a calendar year since things started going south in work with my boss, but less of that.)

Weird.

I had the weirdest dream last night.

KfW2 and I were talking. It was a little stilted. We were still dealing with the aftermath of sleeping together* (KfW2's current status as married with kids was not a factor in the dream - she was single).

She had entered a competition of some sort and I had suggested that I could be her moral support. She agreed. It turned out that the competition was in New York.

As the competition progresses, KfW2 gets further with a series of good results. Between rounds of the competition (which turned out to be tennis for unknown reasons), KfW2 and I spent time together. The awkwardness faded and our friendship regained its previous level of closeness.

Eventually, KfW2 won the tennis competition and we celebrated with dinner and drinks.

We returned home and parted ways at the airport. A handshake and a thank you from KfW2. A clear  platonic, professional parting, leaving me wondering how or why the relationship changed.

*I can't remember if this was part of last night's dream or something that has followed on from a previous dream. It's happened before where dreams link back to previously remembered dreams. My memory these days is pretty poor - I presume poor sleep quality and stress over the past few months hasn't helped.

You have to laugh.

Remember last week when I was due to meet CH for coffee?

I got a text message last night, around 10 PM.

"I was working from home last week. Can you make it for coffee at 8 AM tomorrow?"

So, she went from being in London to working from home and still didn't get a chance to text. She did apologise... just about.

I mean, WTAF?

In the middle of January she sent a text while I was in the middle of an important engagement, suggesting that she'd call to my house. After I told her that I'd love to see her and it would mean a great deal to me if she called round, she went quiet. Then popped up ten days ago to suggest a coffee date at lunchtime before going quiet again. And now it's an 8 AM coffee date.

This is the girl who effectively fell out with me because I called her out on this type of behaviour.

What's her next suggestion, that I travel the 30 miles to her house and make my own coffee?

I'm not even angry at this point - it's more disbelief.

Phew

I think we're over the worst of it. By "we", I mean KfW2 and I with regards our work thing. We're still likely to be busy for a bit, but the deadline has been hit and everything we needed to do has been done.

KfW2 has restarted her chat about leaving for another job. We're both stressed, tired and pissed off with how things are. We've both had our issues with the boss, though KfW2 hasn't suffered with the borderline harassment like I have.

The chat about KfW2's job hunt has gotten me down. I don't like change. I mean, I really don't like it unless I have time to process it, or it's of my own doing. The thing is, I don't think she'll get the job. I think there will be behind-the-scenes chats and KfW2 will be overlooked for someone else. I'd still want her to get the job though. I might not like change, but I want the best for my friends and she needs the change of pace and scenery.

Plus, I've requested some time off this weekend. I'm hoping to hear back in the affirmative when I get into the office tomorrow.

And again...

KfW2 is completely stressed. Once again, we're 95% of our target, a no small feat given the extremely aggressive timeline.

But KfW2 is not focusing on the positive, the achievement. Just like she did a few weeks ago, it's the negative. The short comings of others, specifically a co-worker. Admittedly, he can be difficult to work with, but it's not like he hasn't been putting in the work.

KfW2's problem with him is that he hasn't been working himself into the ground as KfW2 and I have been doing. I don't begrudge him that, though.

I think this is another issue of KfW2 expecting too much of people while maybe under-delivering herself in communicating exactly what she needs.

Dozens of emails, all asking us to do things, without clarifying what should be the priority is not great, especially if you're going to lose your temper if we don't do things the way you wanted.

And that's how KfW2 reacted at 7 PM on Friday night when we left the office with her list of things only 50% complete.

I'm not taking the blame here - KfW2's anger is centered on the co-worker.

Thankfully, this phase of the project is over - or will be in a few days. Then I get to take some time off. I've got 3 days of time worked up that I hope to take next weekend.

At the minute, with everything that's going on, I'm limping from one weekend to another, getting increasingly more stressed as the week gets on, then trying to relax at the weekend. But I kinda feel that the stress levels are still rising - the weekends are a minor respite only.

Both KfW2 and USHW have mentioned seeking help - talking to my GP or perhaps some sort of counselling. I don't know that I'm there yet, but if I don' t start getting some resolution to the various work problems that I've been facing over the past two months, then either or both of these options will have to be seriously considered.

Awww.

I don't know if it's the adverse weather or that her long-awaited working from home application has finally been approved, but Quiet Girl hasn't been in the office for a few days.

Shame, because the view when she goes to and from the kitchen to make tea is extremely agreeable.