Looky here.

Off the back of a conversation with KfW2 a few days ago, I was digging through some archives of mine - backups really - when I came across a massive folder of old MSN conversations I'd had with everyone. Looking through the folders, there are names I can barely even remember having conversations with - people from my old online hobby. There are some very familiar names though - K, USHW, F amongst others.

I took a quick look through some of the unfamiliar names and it didn't take too long to be reminded about how poisonous the community around the online hobby was, but at the same time, I managed to meet some really good people - USHW and F are the two who come to mind first. It was also hugely entertaining if you could take a step back and watch people interact.

The problem was that it wasn't like that all the time.

*sigh*

For the past few days, I've been somewhat pre-occupied with the first time I slept with FA2. It was around this time of year - as the clocks change and the nights get longer and lighter. I guess I remember the whole thing - the excitement of meeting someone new, the apprehension of it being a mutual friend (with BW) and general optimism. I think an element of me is starting to feel a little lonely again and really wanting to meet someone new.

I also think there might be an element that has to do with the online dating thing that has pretty much never taken off. I've messaged over thirty women and had zero replies from any of them. I've had about half a dozen women randomly message me, but no-one I am interested in meeting. Over the past few weeks, I've simply lost all interest... while one or two new cute/interesting people have popped up, I just can't summon the energy to get in touch with them.

Despite my assertion that I wasn't going to let it get me down, I think it's safe to say that it has gotten to me a little bit. I said as much to KfW2 earlier today when she asked for an update on the whole online dating thing. I don't know what I am going to do this time around though.

Let's draw a line here.

I stepped on the scales today for the first time in just under a year. The good news, if you want to call it that, is that I have "only" put on 7lbs in the past year. It feels a lot more - especially recently. I'm also not in as bad shape as I had thought and am around 10lbs better off than I thought.

I'm using My Fitness Pal to track weight and other related items on top of my fitness regime. The fitness regime will start in earnest next week (the plan itself starts on, and runs from a Monday and the OCD part of me wants to keep that consistent), but I plan on giving it a couple of trial goes before then to get into the swing of things. My Fitness Pal has already given me a goal which seems to tie into my own, but I can't seem to find out where to change these goals.

I've already made a bit of a start on the eating plan and early signs are good - once I get the pre-planning done, it shouldn't be difficult to follow it, unlike other diets and it doesn't really count calories. The difficulty will be cutting out the alcohol and starting to eat breakfast (which I haven't done in years).

I don't know that I'm going to keep track of my progress both here and on MFP, so you may only get sporadic progress here, but I will keep you informed from time to time.

I want a new drug.

The illness is easing, but a lot more slowly than I would like. I got no sleep last night due to a headache that I've not been able to shift in almost 24 hours despite taking several different remedies. Right now, I don't know if the headache is related to the illness or the lack of sleep - probably the latter at this stage. If it hasn't eased by tomorrow, I'll go and see my GP.

I had a bit of a chat with CH last night - just our usual typical thing - which was we get onto a topic and then it stops. Usually, it's because I think that she thinks that the conversation is getting close to the knuckle (which it doesn't really - our communication is usually well above board), but last night we were (unfortunately) talking about GB's health issues.

My attempts to bring the topic onto my own concerns (the health/fitness thing that I'm hoping to address as soon as I shake this illness and the online dating stuff that's been stagnant for the past few weeks and is starting to get me down a bit) didn't happen and we stayed on the subject of GB til the conversation simply stopped.

CH and I don't talk enough in my opinion - mostly, I think, because we simply don't get the chance. I (or we) just need to figure out how to have more, proper conversations rather than simply fall into our usual routine of banter. The last proper conversation we had was, in my opinion, very productive.

Groo.

The illness that I described yesterday still hasn't gone away, in fact it's gotten worse and I still didn't get any sleep last night. I've taken the decision to take a few days off work. This is the first time in probably fifteen years where I've actually been ill enough to not go into work. I have taken the odd sick day with various employers, but more as an opportunistic thing rather than actual illness.

I've barely left bed - ten minutes to grab something quick for lunch and that's it. I've never been bed-ridden for this long as far as I can remember - even with illnesses as a kid. I've never been one for lying around in bed for no reason either and can only remember three times where I've been in bed beyond 1PM - once with FBS where we lay until around this time, and twice with FA2 where we lasted until 5PM once and all day the other time.

Obviously, sex was a factor in all three occurrences - trying to get it from FBS (she was putting up a fight despite practically jumping me the night before) and definitely getting it from FA2 (one of which ended up being a bit of a marathon).

I'd far rather I was repeating any of those right now rather than lie here, aching, sweating with an unshiftable headache.

Oh FFS.

Three hours sleep last night, cold shivers, sweats, neck/shoulder pain and a splitting headache - all of which won't go away despite my fluid and painkiller intake.

I don't think my exercise regime will be starting today.

I don't like feeling ill/under the weather at the best of times, but the timing today really sucks.

Homework done.

My preparation for the new fitness/weight loss routine took a big step forward today. I had thought that the so-called nutrition plan that came with the fitness package was a bit light on proper information, but having had a look round , it just seems to be a slightly different take on a standard high protein, low carb diet, and it appears that it's sometimes called the Paleo diet that's mostly common sense: lean meat, lots of fresh veg (avoid starchy ones) and avoid bread, rice, potatoes and as much processed food as you can - including anything marketed as 'diet'.

Chocolate, crisps and fruit juice will be the hardest to give up.

There are plenty of easy to follow low carb, high protein recipes on the internet and there are things on it that might surprise you - bacon, for example.

I also found this page to be helpful - something I wish I could have found a long time ago and, if it is in any way accurate, is something that should be included in my fitness package.

With that in mind, putting together my own eating plan and sticking to it shouldn't be too difficult. That and a bit of portion management and I should be good to go once I go to the supermarket and start shopping.

Oh dear.

It was our annual big day/night out yesterday, but it didn't get off to a good start and was in danger of falling apart rapidly. S cried off with the flu, but that wasn't a huge surprise because he'd had the decency to let me know a few days ago. CH made an about turn on Friday and said that she'd love to come out and would try her best, though it would be unlikely. GB and MF were doing their own thing, though had told KfW2 that they'd make an appearance at some point. Others, like CC were only going to be dropping in.

From a guaranteed dozen or so people, it looked as if it could come down to me and KfW2.

It didn't work out that bad though - KfW2 was in contact with a few people who turned up to see her. It was a couple who were really nice. I hit it off with the female and we spent hours chatting away. She even said that she thought I was fabulous and that she had a girl who I really should meet. Whether anything comes of it remains to be seen... I doubt it though.

Contrast this with GB who, once she came out of her bad mood over KfW2's early departure, asked a patronising sounding question about whether CB was in the pub. The fact that she was able to remember minor details that I'd reported about CB indicates that her uselessness in the whole failed attempt at an introduction last year was her decision rather than just, well, uselessness.

As an aside, I was actually looking for CB as we were in the bar where I first saw her, but if she was there, then she didn't arrive until after I had left.

I think KfW2 was a little shocked at my indifference to GB prior to her arrival, but I really have simply given up where she's concerned. GB and MF kept themselves to themselves yesterday and even though KfW2's friends and I tried to engage them in conversation they were downright ignorant in my opinion.

Regardless of GB's attitudes, I still had a great time - KfW2 is always good company and her friends were really nice as well.

Smiles, frowns and preparation.

All the stuff I need for my new fitness plan has arrived. The final piece of the puzzle is to sit down and plan my trip to Tesco so that I can prepare the necessary healthy meals without too much fuss... and if I can create some in advance, then all the better.

I have a few things on over the weekend, but come Tuesday, I should be in a place to actually start.

There is a slight dent in my plan though - I've just discovered that my bike has been stolen. MfW's was stolen a few weeks ago and it looks like whoever did it has come back. I can sort out a replacement easily enough (I was going to do some cycling on top of my regime if the weather was good), but it's annoying that it was stolen in the first place given that you need a keycode, a key and/or a remote control to get in and out of where the bikes are stored. I will not be happy when I report this to the complex manager - security should have been tightened after MfW's bike went missing, but it hasn't.

As an aside, KfW2 told me something yesterday that made me happy - effectively the medical condition she suffered last year appears to have cleared up with no side effects and she's fully healthy. I'm really, really pleased for her - her year last year was even worse than mine, so it's good that she's gotten some good news.

Well, hello!

These two ladies have something in common:

Well, more than one thing. They're both extremely attractive in their own way for starters and one of them looks like a barmaid at one of my favourite bars in the city. But the point I wanted to make is that these are supposedly local women who are members of Plenty of Fish, but the wonders of Google Chrome plugins such as "Search by Image" mean that I know that the first woman is probably a native of Arizona and the latter appears to be some sort of "internet celebrity" called Bailey Margaret.

The lesson here is: if it looks too good to be true, then it usually is, especially if the (outstandingly attractive) woman only has one profile picture.

PMA

I'm feeling very body conscious today. I know that I've been steadily putting on weight since last summer - plenty of comfort eating and drinking during what was a stressful enough time. My work clothes have felt just a little tighter than they should over the past few weeks and I really need to do something about it.

The good thing is that I do have a plan in place, and I should be able to start it this week as a warm up, then properly in about ten days time after our big night out. In fact, once I get the big night out over, I'm planning on cutting out as much alcohol as possible on top of the exercise and dietary stuff I have planned.

I'm feeling very positive about it as well - motivation shouldn't be an issue and if I can get a handle on the food/dietary aspect of it (which is where I always fail), then I'm looking forward to getting fitter and dropping a lot of weight for the summer.

In addition, I'm hoping that this plan will also help sort out a lot of niggling injuries I've had over the past few years that have really stopped me doing any sport or serious exercise like the gym.

Hmmm...

One of our annual big days out is almost upon us and I sent out an email today to the usual suspects just to remind them, in case they'd forgotten and still needed to make any arrangements - baby-sitting or whatever.

Due to a few people previously crying off, I didn't include them this time around - GB being the prime example. Nearly immediately though, GB was messaging KfW2, telling her that she was going to come along after all. The timing is strange and I suspect CH's influence here. Apparently GB was "in a bad place" when I sent out my original email, but given that I predicted that she wouldn't turn up, I don't really believe her.

I was less than enthusiastic when KfW2 gave me that news earlier. She asked why. I simply said that I was fed up making all the effort when I didn't think it was appreciated and hasn't been for ages now and that when that happens, anyone sensible would stop. I was at that point, I said. It was more important to me that KfW2 turned up, that my friends turned up, perhaps even my sister as well. GB's presence was, I said, unimportant.

Sadly, I don't think CH will be turning up, though I did try to persuade her to attend.

On the up.

We had some good news recently which, if I am being honest, I completely wasn't expecting at all. When my sister told me about it a few days ago, we were pretty damned happy and I've carried that forwards - I've been in a much better mood over the past few days - something I've needed since the discovery of a few weeks ago to kinda jump-start my year (and good mood/optimism) again.

This weekend, I could potentially be out with M and FP and follow that up a few days later with BR and E3 (and I did wonder about K for the latter night out as well). These are both nights that I am looking forward to for different reasons.

Weekend digest.

A recent night out with AM, QC1 and others was enjoyable but tough. Tough because I had been out on Friday night with work that got a little boisterous, more so than I had planned and involved a little more than alcohol.

I called it quits early enough and got home before midnight, but I spent all day yesterday really spaced out - extremely tired and in badly need of more sleep that I didn't get.

So when it was time to meet everyone, I wasn't really in the mood for it, but it turned out to be a really good evening. AM and QC1 queried me about my dating status (as usual), so I mentioned a girl I'd been trying to meet all last year. The first thing QC1 said was...

"Is there anything we can help with?"

AM chipped in in agreement. Another nail in the coffin of my friendship with GB. We had a discussion about the blind date that QC1 wanted to arrange and I'd refused. Funnily enough, AM's suggestion was exactly what I'd said to QC1 and KfW2 - I don't do blind dates, but make it a more casual affair and just see what happens.

I didn't get into any kind of detail regarding anything but we covered topics that will be familiar to BN readers - CB, KfW2, QC2, online dating etc. as there were simply too many people to talk to to sit down and conversations were very fluid, moving from people to people.

I'm going to try and get in touch with AM this week - even if it's just via email - to expand on a lot of stuff and fill her in on the past year or so.

But I still need some more sleep.