Advice taken...

My recent conversations with DSC have made me think about the amount of times I used to chat with USHW and F on MSN. Well, not just USHW and F, but loads of others... K too actually.

But conversations with F and USHW actually went places because they figured out The Secret... asking questions yields answers and so they got to know me a lot better than others. Partly they don't ask questions and I don't talk about myself because it seems selfish to me, though I know that it's irrational and a bit silly.

DSC said today that she thinks I should open up more, and I agree to a certain extent, but it's a lot easier to say than actually do, but watch this space...

A chat.

I got called into the office today for a chat. I looked suitably worried, even though I really knew what it was about, and sure enough, I was told that I was being moved to a new position within the company. I tried not to look too happy, even though I do think my boss pretty much borderline harassed me at the end of last year.

Still, things should kick into place in a few weeks. I'm apprehensive as it's a completely new role for me doing something I've only ever done in the classroom, but it's potentially a huge step forward in my career with a bunch of people I know I will get along with.

A weekly digest of all sorts.

Sometimes I try to post more, but other times I simply forget and things end up as a weekly digest of stuff wot has happened instead of more in-depth posts about individual occurrences.

So, I guess in some kind of order (dating from oldest to most recent), here's what's been happening:

F has suggested that she's going to come over for a visit, but probably not until June or July. I am excited. F and I get along famously well, and things are always interesting when we're together.

My boss has been stuck in a foreign land all of last week due to the Icelandic volcano, which means work has been less stressful. In related volcano news, Date No. 1 was due to go away on holiday last week... on Wednesday... just after the airports opened. I shouldn't be thinking of her, obviously, but she popped into my head. She blocked me on MSN, so it's not like I can ask her if she got away OK should I see her online.

The gym isn't paying as many dividends as I might have thought. The weight is coming off, just a lot slower than I'd like. I guess if I give up booze, I can shed loads, more quickly. I don't want to give up booze though.

Friday night was spent in the pub with friends for a birthday party that all managed to go tits up when the birthday celebrator threw an almighty huff and went home. However, I managed to entertain myself by having a perv at JB, who wanted a chat, and a conversation about relationships with another female friend of mine. I also got a hint from a manager in my work, who was in the pub the same night, that the proposed move for me is pretty much all wrapped up and ready to go... all we're waiting for is for my boss to have a meeting with me, which should be some time this week.

I met DSC on Sunday for a trip to the cinema, then I went my own way to see the family and catch up with a few mates in the pub. It was quite weird because later that night, on MSN, DSC asked me out on a date. I turned her down. She's not really my type and there's zero spark there in terms of anything romantic, but the conversation is good.

Back in work this morning, and my conversation about relationships from Friday night started almost where it left off with the same girl. RB was mentioned as the girl from work has met her before and our brief encounters kinda mirror what this girl was going through, so I mentioned that. On the advice of DSC months ago, I attempted to get the girl to focus more on RB as she reckons I still like her. I don't know if that's true or not, but I'd certainly not turn down the chance to see her again. I'm a sucker for girls with a cute smile.

Another weekend passes.

It's been an overall good weekend. Despite my original plans being thwarted somewhat by the Icelandic volcano's eruption, I still managed to make some last minute arrangements that started by with meeting an old school friend, M, for drinks on Friday. It was a good night, as it usually is with M, and I have to say that I was much the worse for wear at the end of proceedings. On Saturday, I met a girl that I've been chatting to online over the past few months. 

We actually met on one of the dating sites I used, albeit in my previous guise months ago when I wasn't taking things too seriously. There's no dating involved, we just chat and have a bit of banter. With my weekend-long plans falling through, I brought forward our plans to meet. That's how I spent Saturday afternoon in the pub with DSC, having a great laugh and a few drinks. 

On Saturday evening, trying to sober up after my alcoholic excesses, I tried the online dating site again. There are a few women on there that have really interesting profiles, that look nice in their pictures and one-by-one, I've been ticking them off my list as I'm having zero luck, with Date No. 1 being the notable exception. So, I attempted to get one of the girls to chat using the on-site IM system, but disappointingly and rather annoyingly, I was completely ignored. As only paying members can chat online, I'm still unsure if this girl (or any of the others) are subscribers or if these people are just extremely rude, without good manners. 

Pessimistically, I think I have to assume that they're just plain rude. I don't mind rejection, so if they want to tell me I'm not their type, I'm all for it, but being ignored completely is just not on. My subscription runs out in about three weeks and that's going to be it for this one site. I'll make a decision afterwards regarding any further online dating. DSC is insisting I join the one she uses, but I don't know. My experiences with the current site are proving too frustrating and disheartening for me to consider jumping in to another one right now.

Work goals in progress.

I had a private chat with an old boss of mine in work. He hinted that there were possible vacancies in his team (not the same team I left... we've both moved on since then) and that, if I were to agree, then he'd put me forward as a suggestion to fill one of the positions.

This isn't just a mate looking out for me, though I do believe there is an element of that, but on top of that, I am trained for that role, I know the people in the team and I get along with most of them and I've worked in the department before and have a lot of the background knowledge needed.

So, I agreed, with the understanding that my decision was made from a personal point of view (he knows the troubles I've had with my current team leader) and that if he thought I could handle the professional side of it, then to go ahead.

Now it's a waiting game and over the next two weeks, we'll see what happens.

A quick roundup.

Following last week's unfortunate decision by Date No. 1 to pull the plug on any further dating, A and I have been having a discussion, via email, regarding online dating and some people's attitudes. It essentially was prompted by A's opinion that Date No. 1 had made a decision too soon. Other tales of online dating haven't started off with fireworks. In addition, I've been really pro-active in looking on the online dating site and have made various types of approach to at least 15 women. The problem is that out of these 15, maybe 5 are women I'd actually like to get to know better, and the rest are me just sending cheeky messages and 'poking' cute women whose profiles are not really that appealing. Out of the 5 women that are potential dates, not one has even re-visited my own profile. That's confusing me. I can accept that they might get my message, visit my own profile and decide I'm not for them. That's what I would expect to happen. What I don't expect is that these women completely ignore me. That's weird. Or rude. Mostly weird though.

In addition, I started what is hopefully going to be a gym regime today. The plan is to go at least three times per week, plus play sport one other day and the final day of the working week put aside for any sundry messages/meetings etc. I might have lined up. Just as well, too. Standing on the scales at the end of my first session today showed that I was about a stone and a half heavier than I thought I was, which means that, to get to my target weight, I'm going to have to lose three stone. Three. Fucking. Stone. I've already made small dietary changes over the past few weeks with respect to cutting out fizzy drinks and snacks, once I get into the swing of this gym thing, I'll start looking at my proper diet and see if I can't make some changes there. Three stone... Christ.

Blogging.

I guess The Date needs her own tag and a better name. After all, if I want to be optimistic, there'll be more dates, not just one. So, with that in mind, The Date is now officially tagged as Date No. 1 but I'm not going to go back through old posts and rename her. I can't be arsed.

In other news, and in no way surprising, AM let me down spectacularly today. Originally, I was hoping to get some advice about Date No. 1, but that's a moot point now after last night's events, it just would have been nice to catch up and let her know about my online dating experiences so far. However, an email in my inbox this morning at half-nine soon put that to bed.

Moving on.

Last night I sent The Date a text, asking for another date this weekend and leaving all the details up to her. I got a reply a few hours later with the expected reply… no further dates. She was very nice about it, but really, it was the message she should have sent last week in all honesty, especially given the somewhat mixed signals that preceded it.

I had thought things had gone well. The date was 'solid' (for want of a better word) and she is attractive, intelligent and good company. From my perspective, there's definitely enough to warrant at least another date, but sadly not to be, even though I appear to pretty much match her idea of her perfect man (according to her profile, not me, before you think I'm being full of myself).

She does spend an awful lot of time on the dating website and has done for months. I already know she dated a friend of mine, M, and he got no further than I did and The Date approached me when I had my previous account last year, looking for photos. Even yesterday, after a 200 mile journey home from her trip away, she then spent a good few hours on the dating site. It appears that she is putting in a lot of time and effort on the site and doesn't want to be single.

The conclusion I have come to, with the help of A and JB, is that she's hunting for that perfect person and the perfect date and the lack of further dating for me is a lack of immediate chemistry. A "thunderbolt" moment, if you will. Unfortunately, I don't believe she'll find it online as online dating, in my opinion, is less about the thunderbolt moments and more about forming bonds... a more cerebral way of doing things. Thunderbolt moments do happen, but more when you meet a person (specifically a stranger) for the first time, not when you've carefully perused a person's profile for an hour before carefully crafting an email and then spending a week swapping emails before meeting in person. I'm not saying it can't or won't happen; just that it's unlikely when you're online dating.

A weird night...

I come from a place where people know people. You know that six degree of separation/Kevin Bacon thing? Well, where I'm from, that's about 4 degrees and covers a large area.

When my friend (who I think I have neglected to say has been on a date with The Date) introduced his current girlfriend this evening, my first thought was one of deja vu. I'm convinced that I know her from somewhere (and that she's very, very cute). During the course of our wander around the city, we bumped into friends of hers, one of which was brunette, cute, petite and also vaguely familiar.

I tried fishing for information from my friend about The Date, specifically if she was hard to get answers from, but despite trying about four times, he never said a lot. He might not have a lot to say, or he might be drunk (like me), but I'm still as devoid for answers as I was last Wednesday night.

Why is this such a big deal?

This thing with The Date is still weighing on my mind. I’ve already spoken to a few people about it… JB, RA and another acquaintance, but I’m still pre-occupied. There are two people I’d like to discuss this with – AM and A. I’ve sent A a few emails, but she’s very slow at responding this week, and I’m not due to see AM until next Wednesday. The AM timing is ideal, providing she doesn’t cry off again (she has a habit of cancelling at the last minute) as The Date returns on Tuesday from her travels and I was considering getting in contact, possibly one last time, on Wednesday evening.

A’s theory so far is that she’s buying herself some time so as not to appear too keen and I’d really like to believe that this is the case. On the other hand, my other acquaintance suggests that The Date is simply waiting for me to lose interest as she can’t tell me outright that she’s not interested in dating. I think she has a point, but at the same time, contact from The Date is always positive in tone and open, asking questions etc. I don’t believe that’s the action of someone who doesn’t want to be in contact with me.

Of course, all this angst is for nothing if The Date initiates contact herself between now and Wednesday evening, but I’m not expecting that to be honest.

Advice from friends

I was a bit mopey in work today. Part of it was due to The Date and her reply last night. I think the rest of it was just the past few months catching up with me in terms of job happiness etc. The declined date was just the trigger point to me hitting a low point, emotionally, having been in a decent mood since the turn of the year, despite things not really going my way.

It was picked up on by a few friends, including JB and RA, and both have suggested the same thing... put this behind me for the weekend, wait until The Date comes back from her travels, then try one more time for a more definitive answer to one last, final date request. I also sent an email to A, giving her an update, but she never replied. I reckon I'll hear from her tomorrow.

That makes sense, but I'm a little apprehensive about seeming creepy, stalkerish if she really doesn't want further contact/dates.