First time.

I was going to make a post about how Facebook had reminded me that today is the 13th anniversary of meeting DSC for the first time. There are pictures of us out at one of my favourite bars with her then-closest friend and other people. But I'm actually doubting myself. I can remember another day when I met DSC alone, we met for lunch and drinks, had fun, chatted, and parted ways at tea time. It was definitely one of those times that was our first meeting.

I'm actually leaning towards the alone one rather than the group one, now that I think about it. I definitely wouldn't have met her in a group for our first meeting.

Unlike other people who I've grown apart from over the course of this blog (CH being the obvious candidate here), I do not miss DSC at all.

Just random stuff.

I was browsing Reddit this morning when I saw a screenshot of a local property website. The post itself was complaining about the number of long-term letting options versus short-term (i.e. Air BnB).

What stood out, though, was that Attractive Neighbour's place is up for grabs. Now, the last time I was communicating with AN was when I messaged her on Plenty of Fish all those years ago. She admitted, at that time, that she would be moving on soon. I've no idea if she did, or if this listing is her only now moving on.

Still a pleasing distraction seeing as I am still bothered by the KfW2 thing.

Tired.

It's been an eventful 24 hours. I got to indulge in my "women in scrubs" perving for reasons that I'll not go into at this point in time. Specifically, a stunning brunette doctor who I was talking to.

I was out with KfW2 and her workmates last night. It was a fun night. Some of her team can be a bit weird, but I was a big hit with the team's female members. I was in one of those moods where I was flirty, cheeky and confident, and I've no idea where that came from. No single women, though.

It was, perhaps unsurprisingly, KfW2 and I as the last people standing, and instantly the dynamic between us changed once the co-workers left for busses, trains and taxis. Where before, we were friendly, it became more tactile, close, and intimate, but in a completely platonic way. Not like it would have been with CH.

We found a quiet spot and chatted. KfW2 voiced concern that she was calling in too many favours. I repeatedly told her that we were friends, and not a series of transactions (which is true, even if I do sometimes complain about the books not balancing) and I would always help out where I can. And I pointed out a few times recently that she's done me a favour/given me advice. She really wasn't convinced though.

Then she asked me about being alone. And did I want to meet someone? A woman? And did I not want kids? And we talked about that for a bit as well, though I did have to remind KfW2 that we've had these conversations before. Sadly, she only had one suggestion: Plenty of Fish, which we've done before with no success, and she was that toasted, I bet she doesn't remember anyway.

It's a little disappointing that she hasn't remembered this from the times we've covered all this before, though she was drunk.

And I told her, with zero ambiguity, that I loved her and that her friendship was extremely valuable to me. A sentiment that she returned. We've said this to each other before, too.

It might only have been 45 minutes, but this is exactly the kind of thing that we haven't had in years. It only seems to happen in pubs, it doesn't happen when we're alone under other circumstances.

I also found a selfie that I took of us. It's out of focus (as was I, last night), but had it been in focus, it would have been a really nice photo of us both. However, I think it gives off the wrong vibe. It has a very couple-y feel to it.

On my way back home from the perving at cute doctors thing, I passed Attractive Neighbour in the street. A nod, a glimmer of recognition on her part and that was it. On any other day, I might have slowed to see if she'd stop for a chat, but I'm operating on three hours of sleep, a hangover that's threatening to kick in, being awake from 5 AM and wanted to get home.

I can barely keep my eyes open, but I fear that the happenings will not end soon and it will be a long day.

Here we go again.

I don't know why, but I've decided to re-open my OK Cupid account. It's been years since I had an account on a "proper" online dating site rather than one of the apps, but I've done most of the mainstream ones in the past (Match, Plenty of Fish, OKC, eHarmony) and only Match paid dividends (DSC, Date No. 1).

Even though Match owns pretty much everything these days, I've decided that OKC is the one. I don't know why. I have misgivings about the main Match.com site, about bots and fake accounts to bolster the numbers and fake traffic. Plus with it being limited free (with features locked in subscription), you can never tell if someone has read your email but not replied, or simply not read your email because they're not a subscriber (I seem to recall this was an question with CB).

But I guess I have nothing to lose at this stage, right?

Random thoughts.

When I was younger, I had a crush on Louise Nurding (Redknapp). Most of my male friends did, to be fair.

Imagine my surprise when I was told that she may have had an account on Plenty of Fish since her breakup with her husband. It's not that she would be online dating, but I would have thought she might have used something a little more up-market and exclusive.

"How's the love life?"

This blog post caught my eye earlier while I was bored: Things you need to stop saying to single people on "No bad dates, just good stories". 

To be honest, I've been critical of dating blogs in the past, not specifically on here, but in conversations with others - specifically KfW2 and USHW. I've often found that dating blogs tend to be a bit Cosmo-esque with their advice pieces. This struck a chord though - a lot of them were extremely accurate. Go off and have a look at the blogger's post to see what she has to say. I've "borrowed" the ones that I hear most often with my own comments (I've left the original blogger's order in for reference).

1. "So… are you seeing anyone? How’s the love life?"

G is probably the biggest culprit here and he mainly asks on behalf of his wife. Years ago, the answer was "Same old. Not really looking, not not looking". That was my mantra since my early twenties. Now the answer is "Same old..." then let it trail off. Why trail off? Because if I don't, I end up in a conversation where a lot of the following questions and comments come up.

Of course, it's partly my fault. I could take a simple step and use this as an opportunity to voice my unhappiness, but it's only really G and KfW2 who ask... and KfW2 knows my relationship status, she simply doesn't like me being in a funk. G, living in London, is not really in a position to offer any real help, so I don't bother opening up.

3. “Have you tried online dating?”

Unless someone specifically asks, I don't tend to admit to it. It's not the stigma that was once attached to it, it's my success rate that stops me from admitting anything...

"Have you tried online dating?"
"Yes. Yes I have."

"What happened? Any luck?"

"Well, long story short... over half a dozen different memberships across three or four sites where I've messaged well in excess of three hundred women, I managed to get a handful of replies that led to exactly one date."

"You must be doing something wrong!"

"I've explored as many possibilities as I can. I've tried all the advice I can find online. I've had serious profiles, flippant ones, silly ones, long ones, short ones, blank ones. I've tried as many different combinations in opening messages, all included a question, where possible, directly related to their own profiles to show I was paying attention and not spamming people. All my memberships had photos as well."

"..."

"And despite living in modern times, online dating is simply an extension of the real world. Women tend not to make the first move."

4. “The right person will come along when you least expect it.”

"Do you remember what I used to say when you asked about my dating? 'Not really looking, not not looking'? I've tried the 'laissez faire' attitude. It's not exactly paying dividends."

KfW2 has, unfortunately, used this as recently as a few weeks ago.

6. “I think you’re just not putting yourself out there enough.”

Of all the things to say, this is probably the one that's most accurate. When out socially, with GM or S, for example, we tend to be very insular. Chat and banter amongst ourselves. I rarely notice people who're not in our group. Add to the fact that while I'm a lot more confident in myself than I was in my late 20s, I'm still incredibly shy and speaking to new people can be very stressful for me (never mind actually trying to approach someone 'cold' with a view to chatting them up).

7. “Perhaps you’re being too picky.”

Am I? Perhaps I am, perhaps I'm not. Personally, my opinion has always been that I am attracted to whomever I'm attracted to. It's easy to be dismissive online, looking at a profile picture and a couple of lines of standard text ("I like going out but sometimes curling up on the sofa with a glass of red wine"). I also know that seeing the same people in real life can often have a different outcome - I've seen and spoken to a couple of women that I'd not really been that interested in when I saw their profiles on Tinder or PoF. Even DSC, while not being romantically interesting, was interesting enough to get to know socially.

8. “I don’t even know why you’re single, you’re such a catch.”

OK, that's nice of you to say, but if I were such a catch, why don't you invite your available, cute friends out so we can see if we hit it off? I don't do blind dates, but I'll meet the people you bring out.

You can look back at the posts I've made over the years about the perceived lack of effort my friends have put in from AM twenty years ago to both CH and KfW2 more recently. They've talked the talk, but no-one has ever come up with the goods.

To be honest, having trawled through my female friends Facebook pages, there aren't an awful lot of friends of friends that would immediately stand out - MMBF and CB being the exceptions... and possibly an old university friends of my sister's.

10. “I really miss being single.”

"I really miss being with someone. Are we even now?"

"Hi"

Off the back of this post, I got speaking to the Attractive Neighbour earlier this evening. I'd just arrived home from London (more on this at a later date) and the cupboards are bare, so I phoned in a takeaway. As I collected it, Attractive Neighbour arrived and made her way into the building.

I've always said that online dating isn't for me partly because a picture and some writing doesn't impart the chemistry and I have to admit that this was the case with the actress neighbour.

We only spoke for a few minutes (we've only really said "hi" until now), but she's a lot cuter in real life than her (professionally done) online dating photos had suggested to me. But then I've always been a casual jeans and t-shirt man than a poshed-up glam frock kinda guy.

And she seemed really nice, though her profiles usually made her sound a lot more approachable and positive than the vast majority of profiles on PoF or Tinder.

It also confirmed what I've been trying to tell KfW2 (and others) for ages - if there's a natural opening to the conversation, I can talk to anyone. It's the cold openers that I have issues with (see: CB).