Things that make you go "hmmm"...

Hot on the heels of my sex dream featuring CC a few days back, I had another one last night. This time it featured KfW2. Maybe calling it a sex dream is a bit much, but it did involve KfW2 and I being in a relationship. Sex wasn't the focus of the dream, though there were scenes where we were in bed, naked, and sex was implied. The focus was KfW2 trying to get me to open up, to communicate and to vocalise my feelings for her.

However, no matter how many times I told her that I loved her, she couldn't hear it or refused to acknowledge that I'd said the words. 

While CC's appearance in a sex dream was bemusing, KfW2's appearance is causing a little more confusion. I know that sex dreams aren't literal, but that still doesn't stop me from being concerned about KfW2's appearance in last night's dream.

In real life, KfW2 has made a couple of comments about the fact I've not told her that I love her as much as she thinks I should. Maybe it's just me, but while I have said it to her and meant it, telling someone else's wife that I love them on a regular basis, even platonically, doesn't sit right with me.

My friendship with KfW2 is very special to me, it's extremely important to me and I know that it's not something that's common: a single guy being close to a married woman. I know people have raised eyebrows that we've gone to the pub and gotten drunk together or that I've stayed overnight at her house while her husband was away. I'm not even talking about strangers who barely know us but people who've met us both, like CH, for example. 

I know CH was always intrigued by my friendship with KfW2, specifically that it was very much a two-way friendship and that KfW2 was as much a driver for us doing dinner and drinks as I was. This was obviously in stark contrast to my friendship with CH. My brother-in-law was surprised when I'd said that I'd been at KfW2's one evening for drinks while her husband was out with his friends, and he didn't return home until lunchtime the next day. 

So, yeah, I love that KfW2 wants me to tell her that I love her even if it doesn't always sit right with me, because it reminds me that she cares.

But really, the events in the dream better mirror my relationship with FA2. We weren't great communicators, though FA2 might argue that she was (she wasn't). I didn't vocalise my feelings towards her as often as she wanted, though from my perspective, I always thought my actions should have said enough. She needed to hear the words though. And one aspect of the dream rang true: I did say the words. She claims I never did.

It's safe to say that I'm a little confused this morning, the dream has thrown me a little, and I miss KfW2. 

WTF?

I had a dream last night where CC and I went on a city break somewhere. Nothing out of the ordinary in that. CC features in dreams occasionally, travel features in dreams quite often. What doesn't feature in dreams or thoughts in general is me and CC having sex.

But that was a large part of last night's dream.

CC is attractive. Physically, she ticks boxes: brunette, tall, great figure. But I don't think I've ever thought about her from a sexual perspective. Her personality always deflects from her obvious physical characteristics. Maybe a dream before? But never an actual conscious thought. Not that it concerns me... I'm a little bemused by it.

But last night's dream has given me though about travelling. 

Not quite right...

I can't remember if I've posted about this before, but I had a random memory earlier today about a Saturday afternoon spent with FBS and a few others in the pub. The night before, I had been at D's house, having beers and playing video games.

I seem to recall D making a point about FBS being out with BW and a few others and why I wasn't with them. D was one of the few people who knew that FBS and I had been fucking. I knew he knew. He knew that I knew he knew, but still, I never really admitted it to anyone.

So, the next day, I arrived at FBS's house, which we'd preplanned. We were meeting D and others in town. Why I was at FBS's and not D's, who only lived two streets over, and closer to my house is lost in the mists of time.

I knocked on the door and BW answered. I can't say I was surprised. I would say that 90% of the time BW went to a bar, he went with a plan to meet a girl. He didn't know about FBS and I, so to the best of his knowledge, FBS was available. I'm willing to bet that he'd tried it on. 

He had kipped on the sofa. FBS was nowhere to be seen. It was silent. I couldn't even tell if she was still asleep. But it was rapidly approaching lunchtime and I wanted to get into town, grab a bite somewhere and hit the pub.

While BW made himself presentable and tidied the sofa, I went upstairs and knocked on FBS's bedroom door.

"Are you awake?"

"Yes. C'mon in."

FBS was lying in bed.

"Get your arse out of bed. It's time to meet the rest."

It wasn't really. We had about an hour or so, but that allowed time for FBS to get ready, perhaps shower and get a bus into town.

"Yes, well, not with you watching. Turn around."

I'd forgotten that FBS had made two surprising claims about her sleeping habits. The first was that she didn't have a "side" of the bed. She just went to bed on whatever side was closest when she was ready. The other was that she slept naked. 

I'd already seen her naked at this point, but this was months after we'd last spent the night together. She wrapped herself in a dressing gown and opened her wardrobe.

"Is BW still downstairs?"

"Yeah."

"OK, I'll get ready. Go downstairs, I'll be 20 minutes."

The thing is, while I am 100% that this happened, some of the details of my memory feel off... not quite right. Like the night with D, playing video games, feels like it was the middle of winter, while the next day arriving at FBS's house feels like today: not quite spring, but dry, bright and just a little cold. Given our recent history and how it ended - I wouldn't say I ghosted FBS, but we didn't spend a lot of time alone once she admitted she wanted more than just casual sex - so me turning up at her house months after we last fucked and being cheeky enough to walk into her bedroom and demand she got out of bed also feels off.

Ah well, it's a pleasant memory nonetheless. 

Cuddle up

While the Easter weekend is memorable for a lot of reasons - mainly afternoons spent in bars, trying to get around the archaic local licensing laws, probably the most prominent memory is sleeping with FA2 for the first time.

I don't know if that played into my waking memory this morning, but I woke thinking about FA2, about waking beside FA2. But not for sex, just to cuddle and chat. I've undoubtedly posted before about missing that kind of physical contact and how much I am touch starved, but there's something to be said about waking beside someone, cuddling and chatting.

What if...

I'm blaming the booze for a weird dream I had last night. It was a scenario that I've dreamed and blogged about before: the weekend I originally met USHW. I think I blogged about a recent version of the dream that involved both USHW and K. Last night's dream just involved K.

It was a bit of a "What if?" scenario. I've already blogged many times about how K and I had hooked up, how she wanted to properly date whereas I just wanted something casual and how that effectively ended our friendship.

Well, in the dream last night, we had gone down the casual route, meeting every few months in cities across the UK for fun. As a result of that, in this alternative universe, USHW was never offered the opportunity to share the hotel room. And so when the weekend rolled round, it was K who shared the hotel room even if she wasn't attending the social event that required the hotel room.

It was kinda weird. Despite over analysing things at times (you should see some of the conversations between USHW and me when I was trying to bed Sports Girl), what might have happened with K is something I've never really revisited. I've no idea what "something casual" might have looked like with her.

So, it was a bit of a frustrating morning, but I do like the reminiscing sometimes. 

HB FBS

It's FBS's birthday today. She's three years younger than I am. Back when we briefly fucked, she was a lot more wordly wise than I was. She'd moved out of her parent's house quite young. She had, by her own admission, gone through a rebellious streak. She didn't have a great relationship with her Dad. She'd taken a lot more drugs than I had. Her body count was much higher than mine. And she'd already been engaged.

But she was always positive and optimistic. It's the one thing I would say was her defining characteristic.

Anyway, I sent her a message earlier, wishing her a Happy Birthday. 

Romance is in the air...

I woke this morning thinking about K. Or rather an old MSN conversation with F about K. F was congratulating me on keeping my distance from K one weekend we were all in Glasgow. This would have been roughly six months after I had sex with K and she a) demanded a relationship and b) refused to accept that my reasons for not wanting to go down that route were genuine, despite being told by friends (specifically F) that they were completely valid.

K was adamant that she was going to bed me. She never said that to me directly - that was a conversation she had with F. And if memory serves, I don't actually recall her making any obvious move that weekend. If it weren't for her behaviour as described above, I'd have gladly gone to bed with her again. She had talked a good game any time we'd discussed sex. But I wasn't doing it when she was pushing for something that I couldn't, and wouldn't, give her.

So errr... Happy Valentine's Day, yeah?

80085

I've always claimed that I'm not a boobs guy or an ass guy or a specific body part guy, and that's true. But I have to say that boobs have been on my mind a lot over the past few days. That picture of Anna Kendrick that I posted yesterday is really doing it for me. When considering my past, FBS and CAB have been on my mind a lot, too, and they were blessed in the chest department.

Let's go round again.

I slept really well last night. Weirdly, I woke this morning thinking about CAB. I don't know if there was a dream involved or not - I don't recall a dream. But the memory involved me talking to CAB. This would have been after I broke things off with her.

I was at a bar. The bar where I met R2. Actually, the same bar where I met CAB. I spent a lot of time there in my early 20s with AM, QC1 etc. Anyway, at the end of the evening as we were leaving to get a taxi home, I bumped into CAB. She started talking so I waved the others on. She wanted to get back together.

I can't remember the details of the conversation. I can't remember her argument for getting back together nor can I recall if I vocalised my reasons for not getting back together. My reasons for not getting back together were the same as my reasons for breaking up: she was due to move away to go to university, I wasn't interested in/considering long-distance, so I didn't see the point in continuing to date.

And I know that I definitely didn't share my ongoing frustrations about us not having sex. It was part of the reason I called things off, but not the main reason, which I explained above. I doubt it would have been a surprise to her, though.

But, yeah, that was the memory I woke to this morning. 

Hmmm...

A sex dream last night. The details are vague. I recall nothing about the overall dream apart from the fact I was having sex with an attractive but slightly chubby Asian woman. This was then replaced with another Asian woman, though more athletic with a bigger chest. And then I woke up.

Dream a trois.

I didn't sleep well last night. It was after 4 AM before I finally dropped off to sleep, but I woke this morning to the end of a dream that I think I've had before in various flavours. It's actually based off a real life incident from back in 2005.

In real life, the people from the online hobby met up in London one weekend. During that weekend, USHW and I shared a room and a bed. Originally it was meant to be F, but she had to pull out for reasons I can't remember. Anyway, on the Saturday night, after we'd parted with everyone else at the pub, we got back to the hotel and were chatting in our room.

Someone started knocking on the door - it was a woman from the online hobby. I'd never met her before this day nor had I communicated with her, but she was friends with a guy that I sorta knew.

Anyway, we invited her in, we chatted and drank for a bit before I went to sleep. The next day, when USHW and I were talking, we decided that she'd come looking for a hookup with me and got blind-sided by us sharing a room. 

That's what happened in real life. In the dream, it wasn't the blonde woman who knocked on the door, but K. I ended up having a threesome with USHW and K and we all fell asleep contented. K woke me early the next morning, dragged me to the shower and fucked me. I dried off, leaving K to her shower and returned to bed where USHW was stirring.

When K left the bathroom to get dressed, I was going down on USHW. K got angry/jealous, hurriedly dressed herself and left and that's where the dream ended.

In real life, USHW and I never had sex. I had fucked K on another occasion that I think is pretty well documented on this blog. However, I have had variations of that dream before with different women. So I was in a combo mood this morning of being super-tired and super-horny and that's made me super-grumpy.

Ring, ring.

Following on from yesterday's early morning memory of FBS, I had a similar memory this morning of FA2. I slept well last night, but I dreamed of FA2 in some capacity, though I can't remember what. However, the memory in question was a Saturday afternoon. FA2 had gone out shopping. For reasons that I can't remember, I wasn't with her. I might have been playing football.

Anyway, I remember FA2 arriving home and me helping her into the house with the shopping. As I closed the front door with the last of the shopping, FA2 kissed me.

"I got myself a present, but I think you'll like it," she grinned.

"Show me, show me!"

She pulled up her jumper to reveal a newly-pierced belly button, a ring. I've always been a fan, and FA2 knew this. I wasted no time in taking FA2 upstairs for some adult time fun where I spent a lot of time looking and playing with her new piercing. 

She'd never voiced any interest in getting her navel pierced, so I was always dubious about whether it was done for her or me. I had, however, expressed an appreciation of it (that might have been kickstarted by QC3). However, I never asked her about it and I enjoyed it while it lasted. She had it removed about a month later because she was allergic to the metal in the ring and never got it replaced. 

Top of the morning.

I didn't sleep last night. I had to be up early to prep for the work guys who arrived at 8 AM, but a recurring thought/memory I had last night as I was trying to get to sleep was a night at FBS's back in the day. At this stage, we'd fooled around a bit - kissing, but no sex. However, each time, I made sure FBS was on top so I could stroke her back.

On this particular evening, as we settled into this pattern, she made a decision. I was going to be on top, this time. And that's how it panned out. But it was different, and not just with me being on top. She was a little more aggressive, grinding against me, hooking her legs around me. It was a definite prelude to sex, though it would be another few weeks before we took that step.

So... yeah. A pleasant if somewhat frustrating thought that popped into my head several times in the early hours of this morning. 

Laughing it off.

Years ago, CH asked me if I'd "give her one". "Her" being KfW2. It's not a conversation that I've thought about in a long time, but it was the basis of a dream last night.

In it, KfW2 had asked me what CH had said and I told her and KfW2, rather than take it badly, she laughed it off. I doubt few women would take it in good grace. Would she have been amused by CH's own admission (that she would, too, if she were that way inclined)?

Would CH like to hear that I'd admitted to someone else that I'd "give her one"? I think she might, actually.  Or rather, she'd have liked it ten years ago. 

I can't think of too many other women who would.

Whaaaaat?

I think I might have had an interesting dream last night. FA2 featured. I think sex with FA2 featured. But CH also featured. A heavily pregnant CH. I don't know what the context is around CH's presence in this dream. But the FA2 aspect was, if my memory isn't playing tricks on me, a semi-memory kinda thing. A recollection of some of the lusty afternoon sex we would typically have at the weekends.

Well, I say "lusty" but that wasn't FA2's thing. "Lustier" is probably more accurate. I'd be a little more energetic in these sessions than I would be first thing in the morning or at night.

but still... pregnant CH? 

Out of the blue. Well, green.

In a meeting earlier, while bored, I randomly thought of the night I first slept with FA2. I can't remember if I blogged about it before, but I'd be surprised if I hadn't.

I was out with school friends. BW, for some reason, invited out FA2. FA2 turned up wearing her "I'm going to get it" outfit. All that really meant was jeans, a see-through green blouse and a green Wonderbra. We'd had a previous conversation where she explained that's what she would wear to make an impression on a guy.

We'd already spent many hours on her sofa making out at this stage, but I still didn't grasp that the person she wanted to make an impression on was me. At least not until that night where she dragged me upstairs back at her place.

Anyway, I genuinely don't know why that random thought popped into my head at 2:30 PM  this afternoon... but it did.

I'm...

I can't remember the dream from last night, but I am convinced it involved me having sex with FBS. Or maybe I didn't have a dream at all and I just woke this morning, horny as hell, with FBS on my mind for some reason?

Regardless, I woke this morning, horny as hell, with FBS on my mind.

Doing the do.

I dreamed of K last night. I don't know what prompted it, but in the dream, we never drifted apart after sleeping together and instead formed a great FwB thing. We'd visit each other every few months and do what FwBs do, and it was all very chill and fun.

There didn't seem to be a point or a conclusion to the dream. I woke before anything like that happened, if it was even going to, but my sleep quality last night was awful.

Break up.

I'm slowly starting to adapt to the mattress. I'm falling asleep quicker (though the past few days have seen me out and about, working in the office which has really taken it out of me). But I'm waking around 530 AM and not really falling asleep again.

Anyway, I had a dream last night that featured FA2. In it, we were dating, but I was trying to break it off with her as gently as I could, but every time I tried to have that conversation, she would seduce me. I woke before any kind of resolution but I've not thought about FA2 in ages.

However, as I was typing the above, it came to me that this Friday is the anniversary of our becoming an item. We went to a bar, had a few drinks, ended up back at hers, I stayed over and we had "the chat" the next morning before going for another round or two.

We always disagreed on the date. She said it was the Friday, when we went back to her place and had sex. It had been building up to it all week, mind you. In my head, it was the Saturday, once we had "the chat".

Did I know that subconsciously? Is that why I had that particular dream?

Satisfaction.

I didn't sleep particularly well last night. I don't know if it was the heat, the back pain or the new bed. Or all three?

I did wake with this phrase going through my head: "Cuddling, kissing, touching. Fucking. Lusty sex... Sleepy sex... Morning sex... Shower sex..."

I don't know if it's word perfect, but I think it's part of a conversation I'd had with someone ages ago. It's probably USHW as I can't think of anyone else I would have that conversation with, unless it was something posted on Reddit, but it feels more personal than that. A conversation with a specific person rather than a post for many people to consume.

But it got me thinking about sex, and in this weather where I'm always more frisky than usual, that's only going to end one way.