We had made arrangements to go out to the cinema tonight for the first time in ages with S, GM and FC (a guy who's often mentioned in passing on these pages but never named specifically) and his wife. In addition, GM asked if it was OK if Sports Girl came along.
It seems that whatever friction was between them as a result of the stuff posted here, it was all in the past.
Strangely though, GM had to cancel at the last minute. Sports Girl was still coming, but that wasn't particularly weird because she knows FC.
And when she turned up, the same feelings arose from the last time I saw her - lust mainly. She looked sexy enough in a tight t-shirt and jeans. However, I know she's not into one night stands (see: friction with GM) and she's not girlfriend material (at least not for me), so I laid no groundwork beyond being friendly.
S definitely is interested though and arranged to sit next to her for the film and I didn't think he was too subtle about it.
Nothing happened though and we all parted ways.
There's only a few days left for my Match.com subscription and there are going to be no success stories this time around. There are one or two women on Plenty of Fish that are causing a bit of a stir in my loins and have semi-interesting profiles which is at least a start, but I'll close that account as well once I message those women and run out of further options.
Disappointing this time around but not the crushing blow to my confidence that I've had on previous occasions.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Surprise!
BR sent a text yesterday letting me know that he was in town. Did I fancy meeting for a few drinks? You bet I did! I already had tentative plans to go out with FP anyway. We headed out slightly earlier than usual and had a few drinks. While browsing Facebook, we found out that MM and MMBF were out and about as well, so we arranged to meet.
MM called me to say that MMBF had gone home, but we persuaded MM to stay out a little longer. In the bar, before FP showed up, BR got talking to a couple of tourists leaving me chatting to MM. She was asking about my relationship status and I was pretty upfront about it - unhappy for a few years, no-one on the horizon, not meeting new people, tried online dating etc.
We mulled over possibilities including night classes (something that KfW2 and USHW have both suggested in the past). I said that it had been suggested before. She admitted that she had done something similar when she was single, but ended up in a class populated by elderly men. Then, somewhat out of the blue, she asked me about KfW2. Specifically, she asked if I were interested in her. I denied it, then immediately confessed to a little crush. That's not the strict truth, but good enough for the conversation. I admitted that there are a lot of KfW2's physical and non-physical characteristics that I would look for in a partner.
As if that line of questioning wasn't surprising enough, a few minutes later, once KfW2 chat was finished and we were back onto dating, her next question was definitely jaw-dropping:
"Are you any good in bed?"
I laughed. MM looked shocked at herself.
"I've never had any complaints and I assume if they don't say anything that I've done OK" was my reply.
I enjoyed the chat - bar KfW2 and USHW, none of my female friends tend to talk to me in-depth about my relationships or lack thereof. Certainly, no-one's ever asked the direct question regarding my happiness, not even AM or QC1 who I long regarded as being my closest female friends. They all say the same thing - "We think you're great and you should definitely meet someone" but it's rare that anyone actually wants to talk to me about it or actually do something to help. So, while MM was slightly embarrassed at some of the questions she was asking, I really enjoyed the convo and the chance to be upfront about the whole thing.
She left soon after and I enjoyed the rest of the night with FP and BR.
Also, as an aside, USHW and I were having a chat about what's happened in our lives over the past ten years and RB's name came up. Freaky coincidence then, when MF posted pictures on Facebook yesterday afternoon of RB's wedding. She's still cute.
MM called me to say that MMBF had gone home, but we persuaded MM to stay out a little longer. In the bar, before FP showed up, BR got talking to a couple of tourists leaving me chatting to MM. She was asking about my relationship status and I was pretty upfront about it - unhappy for a few years, no-one on the horizon, not meeting new people, tried online dating etc.
We mulled over possibilities including night classes (something that KfW2 and USHW have both suggested in the past). I said that it had been suggested before. She admitted that she had done something similar when she was single, but ended up in a class populated by elderly men. Then, somewhat out of the blue, she asked me about KfW2. Specifically, she asked if I were interested in her. I denied it, then immediately confessed to a little crush. That's not the strict truth, but good enough for the conversation. I admitted that there are a lot of KfW2's physical and non-physical characteristics that I would look for in a partner.
As if that line of questioning wasn't surprising enough, a few minutes later, once KfW2 chat was finished and we were back onto dating, her next question was definitely jaw-dropping:
"Are you any good in bed?"
I laughed. MM looked shocked at herself.
"I've never had any complaints and I assume if they don't say anything that I've done OK" was my reply.
I enjoyed the chat - bar KfW2 and USHW, none of my female friends tend to talk to me in-depth about my relationships or lack thereof. Certainly, no-one's ever asked the direct question regarding my happiness, not even AM or QC1 who I long regarded as being my closest female friends. They all say the same thing - "We think you're great and you should definitely meet someone" but it's rare that anyone actually wants to talk to me about it or actually do something to help. So, while MM was slightly embarrassed at some of the questions she was asking, I really enjoyed the convo and the chance to be upfront about the whole thing.
She left soon after and I enjoyed the rest of the night with FP and BR.
Also, as an aside, USHW and I were having a chat about what's happened in our lives over the past ten years and RB's name came up. Freaky coincidence then, when MF posted pictures on Facebook yesterday afternoon of RB's wedding. She's still cute.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
One week to go.
In little over a week, my Match.com subscription runs out. This time, emotionally, I think I will be reasonably unscathed. At the same time, in three months, I will probably have messaged about six women, all with the same result. They were all cute and promising, but I've only been messaging those that I would definitely chat to and meet. Only one, as far as I can tell, actually visited my profile, so I guess the others weren't paid up members (despite logging in daily).
In roughly the same time period, on Plenty of Fish, I have messaged no-one as yet (though one girl has stood out) and have only had two visitors to my profile. Two. That's a kick in the balls. Two visitors in a few months on a free website, though I think you do haver the option of effectively hiding your visits to other people's profiles. I don't know why you'd want to do that, but hey ho.
But, with a week to go and a couple of promising looking women on Match, I simply can't summon the energy to drop them a line. I think part of the problem is that there's no spark of real attraction there. They're cute, yes, but they're not exciting me.
In roughly the same time period, on Plenty of Fish, I have messaged no-one as yet (though one girl has stood out) and have only had two visitors to my profile. Two. That's a kick in the balls. Two visitors in a few months on a free website, though I think you do haver the option of effectively hiding your visits to other people's profiles. I don't know why you'd want to do that, but hey ho.
But, with a week to go and a couple of promising looking women on Match, I simply can't summon the energy to drop them a line. I think part of the problem is that there's no spark of real attraction there. They're cute, yes, but they're not exciting me.
Monday, April 20, 2015
(Belated) Happy birthday!
As USHW reminded me only a few days ago, this blog reached its tenth anniversary on April 7th. A milestone that really passed me by completely. Surprisingly, I have confessed a lot more than I thought I would have both directly and indirectly.
To clarify, I have stated some things outright, but more can probably be gleaned if you read between the lines as well.
I told USHW that I'd do a bit of a retrospective, but I feel that there's a little more negative than positive posted here and don't really want to get too much into it. That's not to say that that's an actual reflection of my life over the last ten years - I don't think that it is. It's just that I've only really posted the stuff that has caused the biggest reaction and that tends to be the more negative or confusing stuff. Recently, that seems to have been CH stuff, or CB stuff or general funk stuff.
There have been other things though - my introduction to, and fast growing friendship with, KfW2. My friendship with USHW, though this is more a read-between-the-lines kinda thing than specifically called out. It's USHW you should blame for my constant drivel over the past ten years. Even some of the stuff that never panned out - the initial stuff with CB, the month of angst regarding RB - I still look back on reasonably fondly more due to how I felt at the time rather than how things actually turned out.
Another one - years before we became friends, KfW2 was mentioned in a couple of posts though she is untagged in them. E's emigration is detailed and tracked and that provokes a combination of sadness (I miss her) and happiness (she's very happy).
Overall, I wonder how my life has changed since BN first kicked off, but I don't think it has moved on that drastically. I'm still single and injury-prone which is where I was in 2005. Only one of those was a problem at the time though. My housing and professional circumstances have moved on, and continue to do so even now.
I don't know how much longer the blog will continue... I'm not planning on stopping, but something in my head always made me assume that if I ever got into a serious relationship with someone that my posting here would be less frequent. Bearing in mind that the majority of my posts now are regarding online dating or my funk, that's not really a stretch. There's no-one obvious (the lack of social options or online dating is bearing fruit) on the horizon to fill that gap, so there's no end in sight.
I've had over 21000 page views (not counting me),but precious little in the way of commenters. I wasn't holding out to be the next Big Blogger a la Belle De Jour, but it would have been nicer to have received a few more comments and, perhaps, struck up actual conversations with people who had visited and taken the time to read.
To clarify, I have stated some things outright, but more can probably be gleaned if you read between the lines as well.
I told USHW that I'd do a bit of a retrospective, but I feel that there's a little more negative than positive posted here and don't really want to get too much into it. That's not to say that that's an actual reflection of my life over the last ten years - I don't think that it is. It's just that I've only really posted the stuff that has caused the biggest reaction and that tends to be the more negative or confusing stuff. Recently, that seems to have been CH stuff, or CB stuff or general funk stuff.
There have been other things though - my introduction to, and fast growing friendship with, KfW2. My friendship with USHW, though this is more a read-between-the-lines kinda thing than specifically called out. It's USHW you should blame for my constant drivel over the past ten years. Even some of the stuff that never panned out - the initial stuff with CB, the month of angst regarding RB - I still look back on reasonably fondly more due to how I felt at the time rather than how things actually turned out.
Another one - years before we became friends, KfW2 was mentioned in a couple of posts though she is untagged in them. E's emigration is detailed and tracked and that provokes a combination of sadness (I miss her) and happiness (she's very happy).
Overall, I wonder how my life has changed since BN first kicked off, but I don't think it has moved on that drastically. I'm still single and injury-prone which is where I was in 2005. Only one of those was a problem at the time though. My housing and professional circumstances have moved on, and continue to do so even now.
I don't know how much longer the blog will continue... I'm not planning on stopping, but something in my head always made me assume that if I ever got into a serious relationship with someone that my posting here would be less frequent. Bearing in mind that the majority of my posts now are regarding online dating or my funk, that's not really a stretch. There's no-one obvious (the lack of social options or online dating is bearing fruit) on the horizon to fill that gap, so there's no end in sight.
I've had over 21000 page views (not counting me),but precious little in the way of commenters. I wasn't holding out to be the next Big Blogger a la Belle De Jour, but it would have been nicer to have received a few more comments and, perhaps, struck up actual conversations with people who had visited and taken the time to read.
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Are you 'avin' a laff?
KfW2 sent a text message earlier.
"Have you been speaking to CH recently? Can she do me a favour?"
I laughed. It was only Saturday just gone where we'd last spoken about CH. I'd admitted even then that I hadn't made any effort with CH since Xmas beyond trying to get her alone for a chat. That CH herself hasn't suggested coffee, initiated any conversations or done any other activity that you'd associate with a friend who supposedly valued your opinion a great deal was telling in itself, long before she made herself unavailable for a serious, one to one chat. We spoke about it at length over lunch - easily a good thirty minutes of our time was devoted to that one topic.
But that's an aside. KfW2 had clearly forgotten that we'd had the chat recently which was the cause of my amusement.
"Have you been speaking to CH recently? Can she do me a favour?"
I laughed. It was only Saturday just gone where we'd last spoken about CH. I'd admitted even then that I hadn't made any effort with CH since Xmas beyond trying to get her alone for a chat. That CH herself hasn't suggested coffee, initiated any conversations or done any other activity that you'd associate with a friend who supposedly valued your opinion a great deal was telling in itself, long before she made herself unavailable for a serious, one to one chat. We spoke about it at length over lunch - easily a good thirty minutes of our time was devoted to that one topic.
But that's an aside. KfW2 had clearly forgotten that we'd had the chat recently which was the cause of my amusement.
Monday, April 13, 2015
Moving on.
So, after Heating Guy's spectacular meltdown last week, I guess you could say that the big goal that I have for this year is now underway - find somewhere to live on my own. That means I'm looking to buy my own place. Initial conversations with my family have taken place - I need help with the deposit - so hopefully we can thrash that out within a few days.
While I was at my sister's over the weekend, she took the initiative and started looking at property websites and within minutes I saw a couple that really piqued my interest, falling into my price range (just about) and ticking the boxes I want ticked.
But I don't want to get too invested in anything I spot though. I don't want to see a great house, but lose out on it because I'm not ready. So, I have started looking a bit today, but not too much... not for a week or so until I can get what I need sorted - mortgage in principle, deposit etc.
While I was at my sister's over the weekend, she took the initiative and started looking at property websites and within minutes I saw a couple that really piqued my interest, falling into my price range (just about) and ticking the boxes I want ticked.
But I don't want to get too invested in anything I spot though. I don't want to see a great house, but lose out on it because I'm not ready. So, I have started looking a bit today, but not too much... not for a week or so until I can get what I need sorted - mortgage in principle, deposit etc.
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Cheers. (Note, no exclamation mark.)
Sometimes, the problem with doing something really nice means that afterwards, things aren't great. I met with KfW2 today and we spent the afternoon having lunch, chatting and mooching about. We talked loads. While I didn't have a specific agenda for chatting, I feel like I didn't cover all that I wanted to, or even arguably the most important bit - my extreme unhappiness. That was partly because I was enjoying myself, so I lost track of time until she had to leave. From her perspective, she shared some not unexpected good news and I had a really pleasant afternoon. We also covered the recent house thing, some family stuff of mine, CH. I was toying with the idea of telling her that I was trying online dating again, but the complete lack of success has held me back.
I've always enjoyed KfW2's company, so it's no real surprise when we have a good time.
Afterwards, though, I felt drained. It didn't help that I woke this morning after a good night's sleep still extremely tired or that I was coming back to a house where one of my flatmates recently outed himself as immature/psychotic or simply that the afternoon was over with no further plans for today.
But I feel drained. And deflated a little.
Fuck it. I'm going to get drunk.
After dinner.
I've always enjoyed KfW2's company, so it's no real surprise when we have a good time.
Afterwards, though, I felt drained. It didn't help that I woke this morning after a good night's sleep still extremely tired or that I was coming back to a house where one of my flatmates recently outed himself as immature/psychotic or simply that the afternoon was over with no further plans for today.
But I feel drained. And deflated a little.
Fuck it. I'm going to get drunk.
After dinner.
Thursday, April 09, 2015
Ooookay.
I was going through a thread on the forum of which I'm a member and there was an "appreciation" thread about Alison Brie. Something niggled at me for a good while and I couldn't figure it out until it hit me... Alison Brie reminded me of CH.
CH is not, I want to add, an Alison Brie lookalike. Far from it, in fact. But there are one or two features that just remind me - her smile/mouth for example and just an overall vibe in mannerisms etc.
And for no other reason, here's a picture and animated GIF of the delightful Ms. Brie reminding me of CH.
CH is not, I want to add, an Alison Brie lookalike. Far from it, in fact. But there are one or two features that just remind me - her smile/mouth for example and just an overall vibe in mannerisms etc.
And for no other reason, here's a picture and animated GIF of the delightful Ms. Brie reminding me of CH.
There's also an element of QC2 in there as well, but it's not as noticeable or as frequent as those flashes of CH.
Wednesday, April 08, 2015
Oh dear (sigh 3).
Things have escalated quickly at Chez Ruuude. I'm not going to into the detailed ins and outs of lengthy "conversation" that I've had with Heating Guy today, but the upshot of it all is that he refused to take any responsibility for getting the washing machine repaired or replaced. When I asked him to do so, he threw a massive strop and said that, despite being the person who found the problem, he was the last to know about the washing machine being broke.
So, I contacted the landlord to arrange a solution but I indicated that if the landlord had any questions to contact Heating Guy directly as he knew the details.
Heating Guy was livid. I was passing the buck, apparently. The landlord said that I'd passed the buck. He sent me screen shots of the chat. The landlord did say that. Heating Guy denied all knowledge of the incident and said that the washing machine "was not a priority for me right now". All he had to say was that it had leaked all over the utility room.
The landlord was in touch with me and within a few messages had arranged a replacement. I'm just waiting on the details for delivery etc.
That wasn't the end of it though. I sent Heating Guy the screenshot of my message to the landlord to show that, at no point, was I passing the buck. More ranting. No matter what I said, the ranting continued until he outright accused me of lying about the washing machine, saying I'd broken it, tried to clean up after me and not told anyone. Pretty much he had done.
I've been open and honest about all manner of house stuff since the guys have moved in, communicating everything to them in a timely fashion and taking responsibility when something needs done (cleaning, getting decorators in etc.) and that he's done nothing but suit himself and avoid communication or responsibility, the evidence really does look bad for him. That didn't put him off.
"How can I believe you when you never told me about your argument with the neighbours about the noise?" was his logic. Well, I explained to him that last August was all very much last minute with MfW leaving with five days' notice, that he wasn't originally meant to take the room he finally got and while there was an oversight (I didn't tell him about the noise), it wasn't deliberate or malicious. I had other priorities.
It looks like his entire attitude about everything goes back to some kind of assumption that I lied to him about the room. He still doesn't believe me. According to him, I should stop trying to make things right and we should avoid each other, apparently.
Heating Guy is a basket case. I'm going to have to have a chat with TV Guy so that he knows the score. and I will be avoiding him. Crazy bastard.
So, I contacted the landlord to arrange a solution but I indicated that if the landlord had any questions to contact Heating Guy directly as he knew the details.
Heating Guy was livid. I was passing the buck, apparently. The landlord said that I'd passed the buck. He sent me screen shots of the chat. The landlord did say that. Heating Guy denied all knowledge of the incident and said that the washing machine "was not a priority for me right now". All he had to say was that it had leaked all over the utility room.
The landlord was in touch with me and within a few messages had arranged a replacement. I'm just waiting on the details for delivery etc.
That wasn't the end of it though. I sent Heating Guy the screenshot of my message to the landlord to show that, at no point, was I passing the buck. More ranting. No matter what I said, the ranting continued until he outright accused me of lying about the washing machine, saying I'd broken it, tried to clean up after me and not told anyone. Pretty much he had done.
I've been open and honest about all manner of house stuff since the guys have moved in, communicating everything to them in a timely fashion and taking responsibility when something needs done (cleaning, getting decorators in etc.) and that he's done nothing but suit himself and avoid communication or responsibility, the evidence really does look bad for him. That didn't put him off.
"How can I believe you when you never told me about your argument with the neighbours about the noise?" was his logic. Well, I explained to him that last August was all very much last minute with MfW leaving with five days' notice, that he wasn't originally meant to take the room he finally got and while there was an oversight (I didn't tell him about the noise), it wasn't deliberate or malicious. I had other priorities.
It looks like his entire attitude about everything goes back to some kind of assumption that I lied to him about the room. He still doesn't believe me. According to him, I should stop trying to make things right and we should avoid each other, apparently.
Heating Guy is a basket case. I'm going to have to have a chat with TV Guy so that he knows the score. and I will be avoiding him. Crazy bastard.
Tuesday, April 07, 2015
Sigh 2.
Everyone except me was away home over Easter. Heating Guy came back yesterday, around tea time and put a wash on. Twenty minutes later, all I could hear was frantic coming and going from the utility room to, well, somewhere else. I've suspected for a long time that the washing machine is on its last legs and it certainly sounded like it yesterday.
Except, Heating Guy never said anything about it. He made his racket then left the house. I checked the utlity room. The floor was sopping wet, the washing machine was full but not running and everything was rearranged.
I said nothing. Heating Guy doesn't take any responsibility beyond his own comfort, so he'll leave empty packets lying at his arse. For example, at one point, he had four tea bag boxes, each with two tea bags in it on the kitchen worktop. Or the six empty packets of washing up powder lying in the utility room for months until our recent decorating.
He's not dirty per se, but he seems weird in that he will ensure that the cutting board, dish mop and dish cloth are all lined up around the sink exactly the way he wants, but he'll freely leave the ironing board up in the middle of the living room once he's finished with it. Don't get me started on the fact that his cutting board placement means it's difficult to turn on the taps without moving the bloody thing anyway or that the dishcloth is left sopping wet and gets mildewy smelling because it never dries out, but at least they're placed to his wishes. And more than once I've heard him set everything up, turn on the iron and then forget about it, including leaving the apartment.
His obsession with order might make you think he's a clean freak, but he's far from that. The communal bathroom, that I no longer use because I have an en-suite, is stinking. He hasn't (and neither has TV Guy to be fair) mopped or brushed or cleaned any of the communal areas since he moved in.
While I have been frustrated with TV Guy and his complaining about our internet, he's a reasonably decent bloke to talk to and if he did at least a bit of housework, he'd be a decent housemate. Heating Guy is just annoying me more and more with each passing day. The passive aggressive heating control, the lack of responsibility taken for anything and the compulsion to have things a certain way (see chopping board and ironing board), even if they make no sense is all starting to build up to some real frustration.
It's already started to leak out of me.
I sent en email when I got home today. It had been twenty-four hours since the washing machine flooded the utility room and Heating Guy had said nothing. Just like the last time when he blew the lighting fuses in the house, he sorted himself out and left the rest of us to fix the problem. I was adamant this wasn't going to happen.
So I asked both guys what had happened.
TV Guy arrived a few minutes after I sent the email and we talked it through. He was none the wiser about anything so we needed Heating Guy to confirm it was the washing machine and not something stupid that he'd done. Four hours after I sent the email, there was a reply...
"Looks like the washing machine is broke"
I replied immediately.
"Presumably you've contacted the landlord and he's arranging a repair/replacement?"
No reply as yet, but he has come back to the house and turned the heating on and full blast. On the warmest day of the year so far. No-one can be THAT cold, surely?
Except, Heating Guy never said anything about it. He made his racket then left the house. I checked the utlity room. The floor was sopping wet, the washing machine was full but not running and everything was rearranged.
I said nothing. Heating Guy doesn't take any responsibility beyond his own comfort, so he'll leave empty packets lying at his arse. For example, at one point, he had four tea bag boxes, each with two tea bags in it on the kitchen worktop. Or the six empty packets of washing up powder lying in the utility room for months until our recent decorating.
He's not dirty per se, but he seems weird in that he will ensure that the cutting board, dish mop and dish cloth are all lined up around the sink exactly the way he wants, but he'll freely leave the ironing board up in the middle of the living room once he's finished with it. Don't get me started on the fact that his cutting board placement means it's difficult to turn on the taps without moving the bloody thing anyway or that the dishcloth is left sopping wet and gets mildewy smelling because it never dries out, but at least they're placed to his wishes. And more than once I've heard him set everything up, turn on the iron and then forget about it, including leaving the apartment.
His obsession with order might make you think he's a clean freak, but he's far from that. The communal bathroom, that I no longer use because I have an en-suite, is stinking. He hasn't (and neither has TV Guy to be fair) mopped or brushed or cleaned any of the communal areas since he moved in.
While I have been frustrated with TV Guy and his complaining about our internet, he's a reasonably decent bloke to talk to and if he did at least a bit of housework, he'd be a decent housemate. Heating Guy is just annoying me more and more with each passing day. The passive aggressive heating control, the lack of responsibility taken for anything and the compulsion to have things a certain way (see chopping board and ironing board), even if they make no sense is all starting to build up to some real frustration.
It's already started to leak out of me.
I sent en email when I got home today. It had been twenty-four hours since the washing machine flooded the utility room and Heating Guy had said nothing. Just like the last time when he blew the lighting fuses in the house, he sorted himself out and left the rest of us to fix the problem. I was adamant this wasn't going to happen.
So I asked both guys what had happened.
TV Guy arrived a few minutes after I sent the email and we talked it through. He was none the wiser about anything so we needed Heating Guy to confirm it was the washing machine and not something stupid that he'd done. Four hours after I sent the email, there was a reply...
"Looks like the washing machine is broke"
I replied immediately.
"Presumably you've contacted the landlord and he's arranging a repair/replacement?"
No reply as yet, but he has come back to the house and turned the heating on and full blast. On the warmest day of the year so far. No-one can be THAT cold, surely?
Sigh.
The funk manifested itself quite obviously yesterday. It was a glorious day, I was off work and after KfW2 cancelled on me, I had nothing to do. I tried to fill the time by doing some tidying up, I went out for a walk for an hour with some music, sorted some stuff out for work and that was it. I still had hours to kill and no-one to do anything with.
Stuff like missing dating and sex and stuff is all part of it, but most of it is the above stuff... that's when the loneliness really kicks in.
Stuff like missing dating and sex and stuff is all part of it, but most of it is the above stuff... that's when the loneliness really kicks in.
Monday, April 06, 2015
Rainchecks.
Hmmm... I was meant to be meeting KfW2 for lunch today, and I don't know about you, but it's is a glorious day here. So, when I sent a text earlier asking to confirm the time, her reply annoyed me a little (all quotes are paraphrased).
"I can do between 12 and 2 - have stuff to do before going away at tea time. Let's do fast food."
"Sure" I replied, but I wasn't happy at all about it. I'd actually messaged MM and MMBF on Facebook to see if they could recommend any nice cafés or restaurants. KfW2 had suggested we went somewhere new, so I had a couple of ideas.
She wasn't best pleased with my reply.
"Don't give that attitude! I am doing my best to meet you. If you wait til the weekend, we can have all day but I thought you'd be annoyed if we didn't meet today"
Now, she's right. I am annoyed that we're not meeting today, but given the option of doing a rushed lunch today or waiting a few days and not being against the clock, well, there's only one option. She should have suggested it outright instead of waiting until she realised I was annoyed. It doesn't have to be an all-day affair as she implied - I just want to be able to chat and enjoy the company without keeping an eye on the clock. Plus, KfW2's time management is appalling. She thinks she has two hours free, but she'd be twenty minutes late and then remember something else she has to do which means she'd have to leave fifteen minutes early etc.
She also sent another text:
"I didn't want you to think that I was doing a CH on you."
"You didn't. You offered to meet today even though it's inconvenient and suggested a better alternative. CH would have cancelled then never mentioned it ever again."
The upshot is that we're not meeting today, but we're meeting at the weekend. It's annoying that she left it this late to let me know about the tight timelines, but we already have another, arguably better plan in place. I just hope the weather at the weekend is as good as it is today.
"I can do between 12 and 2 - have stuff to do before going away at tea time. Let's do fast food."
"Sure" I replied, but I wasn't happy at all about it. I'd actually messaged MM and MMBF on Facebook to see if they could recommend any nice cafés or restaurants. KfW2 had suggested we went somewhere new, so I had a couple of ideas.
She wasn't best pleased with my reply.
"Don't give that attitude! I am doing my best to meet you. If you wait til the weekend, we can have all day but I thought you'd be annoyed if we didn't meet today"
Now, she's right. I am annoyed that we're not meeting today, but given the option of doing a rushed lunch today or waiting a few days and not being against the clock, well, there's only one option. She should have suggested it outright instead of waiting until she realised I was annoyed. It doesn't have to be an all-day affair as she implied - I just want to be able to chat and enjoy the company without keeping an eye on the clock. Plus, KfW2's time management is appalling. She thinks she has two hours free, but she'd be twenty minutes late and then remember something else she has to do which means she'd have to leave fifteen minutes early etc.
She also sent another text:
"I didn't want you to think that I was doing a CH on you."
"You didn't. You offered to meet today even though it's inconvenient and suggested a better alternative. CH would have cancelled then never mentioned it ever again."
The upshot is that we're not meeting today, but we're meeting at the weekend. It's annoying that she left it this late to let me know about the tight timelines, but we already have another, arguably better plan in place. I just hope the weather at the weekend is as good as it is today.
Saturday, April 04, 2015
Something about deleting.
The attractive, single woman I matched with on Tinder has updated her profile. She's added a couple of extra photos and updated her blurb. Self-employed, separated and has three kids of unknown age.
She still hasn't been in touch and I'm going to delete her presence - after all it's been three weeks. If she is interested in meeting new people as she says, she would have messaged by now.
Plus, while I have made serious efforts in chatting up women with children before (Near Miss, for example), in general it's not something I would consider and definitely not in the "sterile" environment of swiping or ticking boxes on online dating sites.
Standing in a bar, chatting and having some chemistry though? That's completely different.
She still hasn't been in touch and I'm going to delete her presence - after all it's been three weeks. If she is interested in meeting new people as she says, she would have messaged by now.
Plus, while I have made serious efforts in chatting up women with children before (Near Miss, for example), in general it's not something I would consider and definitely not in the "sterile" environment of swiping or ticking boxes on online dating sites.
Standing in a bar, chatting and having some chemistry though? That's completely different.
Differences.
KfW2 was meant to call on Tuesday night off the back of a text conversation about CH. And to give her credit, she did call, at 10:30PM, though my phone was elsewhere and I only got the voicemail an hour later.
I sent a text - "Are you still about?"
"Nope. I'm in bed. I'll give you a call tomorrow"
"I'll keep my phone with me at all times", I promised.
Wednesday came and went. No phone call. I sent a text on Thursday. "Oi. Where was my phone call, eh?"
"You had your chance. I'm a busy girl. Bad Ruuude! Are you free tomorrow? I'm by myself in the evening. Will buzz you then."
So Friday evening rolled round... and it got later... and later...
And at 10 PM: "I haven't forgotten about you! Will give you a call shortly when everything calms down here"
And she did, approximately half an hour later. We chatted for about an hour covering a few different things - CH, work, life in general.
KfW2 is sympathetic regarding the CH thing. I introduced the two of them and they get along great. CH offers KfW2 something that she doesn't get from her other friends - female-centric conversations specifically around sex. I remember KfW2 complaining (to CH I think) that she was frustrated that I didn't treat her as a girl. I don't know what she meant by that, but I don't think it was an insult and if she wanted to talk about something like that, she could have driven the conversation that way.
I know that I don't talk about stuff like that with many people, but if people want to raise the subject, they can. I have had very female-specific conversations with USHW, CH and A amongst others and at all times, they made the first move, conversationally. KfW2 can be like myself though - too subtle in conversation - and I miss the signals. She assumes I have no desire to talk about whatever and I'm left clueless until she accuses me (jokingly) of being useless.
KfW2 suggested last night that perhaps CH is scared that I am about to declare undying love based on whatever phrasing I was using last night. Obviously that's not the case and KfW2 knows that (though she doesn't know how much I'd love to have sex with CH), but I had had a few beers. I had covered this "assumption" before with USHW. I am aware that the complaints I am making about CH's role in this "friendship" are similar to complaints that people have in romantic relationships and that my own feelings aren't 100% platonic, but the two people I have spoken to (KfW2 and USHW) have both said that my complaints/concerns are valid. I just need to articulate them better, I think.
I think I've already said, but I am being a little stubborn about this. Considering that I've effectively jettisoned DSC, GB and a couple of other people for similar reasons over the past few years, CH is getting a chance that none of these others were given. I don't want to keep dropping friends and the ongoing singledom funk is coming into play here as well. Two years ago and this might not have even been an issue. I had thought that there was a seed of a good friendship there, and one that would have been similar to what I have with KfW2 though not as close, but it's not just grown and all the effort thus far has been mine.
I'm due to be meeting KfW2 for lunch on Monday. so no doubt CH will be mentioned again, but I think that I'm now done unless CH makes some effort and soon.
I kinda got side-tracked there a little. My original intention with the post was to point out the difference between KfW2 and CH. KfW2 and I missed each other's phone calls, but were in regular contact arranging things. CH cancels things at the last minute, never offers alternatives then goes quiet until I say something.
I sent a text - "Are you still about?"
"Nope. I'm in bed. I'll give you a call tomorrow"
"I'll keep my phone with me at all times", I promised.
Wednesday came and went. No phone call. I sent a text on Thursday. "Oi. Where was my phone call, eh?"
"You had your chance. I'm a busy girl. Bad Ruuude! Are you free tomorrow? I'm by myself in the evening. Will buzz you then."
So Friday evening rolled round... and it got later... and later...
And at 10 PM: "I haven't forgotten about you! Will give you a call shortly when everything calms down here"
And she did, approximately half an hour later. We chatted for about an hour covering a few different things - CH, work, life in general.
KfW2 is sympathetic regarding the CH thing. I introduced the two of them and they get along great. CH offers KfW2 something that she doesn't get from her other friends - female-centric conversations specifically around sex. I remember KfW2 complaining (to CH I think) that she was frustrated that I didn't treat her as a girl. I don't know what she meant by that, but I don't think it was an insult and if she wanted to talk about something like that, she could have driven the conversation that way.
I know that I don't talk about stuff like that with many people, but if people want to raise the subject, they can. I have had very female-specific conversations with USHW, CH and A amongst others and at all times, they made the first move, conversationally. KfW2 can be like myself though - too subtle in conversation - and I miss the signals. She assumes I have no desire to talk about whatever and I'm left clueless until she accuses me (jokingly) of being useless.
KfW2 suggested last night that perhaps CH is scared that I am about to declare undying love based on whatever phrasing I was using last night. Obviously that's not the case and KfW2 knows that (though she doesn't know how much I'd love to have sex with CH), but I had had a few beers. I had covered this "assumption" before with USHW. I am aware that the complaints I am making about CH's role in this "friendship" are similar to complaints that people have in romantic relationships and that my own feelings aren't 100% platonic, but the two people I have spoken to (KfW2 and USHW) have both said that my complaints/concerns are valid. I just need to articulate them better, I think.
I think I've already said, but I am being a little stubborn about this. Considering that I've effectively jettisoned DSC, GB and a couple of other people for similar reasons over the past few years, CH is getting a chance that none of these others were given. I don't want to keep dropping friends and the ongoing singledom funk is coming into play here as well. Two years ago and this might not have even been an issue. I had thought that there was a seed of a good friendship there, and one that would have been similar to what I have with KfW2 though not as close, but it's not just grown and all the effort thus far has been mine.
I'm due to be meeting KfW2 for lunch on Monday. so no doubt CH will be mentioned again, but I think that I'm now done unless CH makes some effort and soon.
I kinda got side-tracked there a little. My original intention with the post was to point out the difference between KfW2 and CH. KfW2 and I missed each other's phone calls, but were in regular contact arranging things. CH cancels things at the last minute, never offers alternatives then goes quiet until I say something.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)