Sigh.

I've had a few weeks off over the holiday period and I've pretty much done nothing. While I don't mind that during the day, it's a real pain in the arse at night. I'd ideally hoped that I'd have had a few nights down in the pub. That hasn't been the case so far, though I'm just over halfway through the time off. I'd really like to get down to the pub at least twice before I go back to work. It's not just a matter of getting out of the house, but it's more getting out there into social situations with the possibilities of meeting people. I've been forceful enough in asking people to go out, but there seems to be this lethargy with people where they don't pull their own weight and I'm, yet again, sitting waiting for other people. This why I need to meet more people.

Ponderland

I often wonder (when drunk) if anyone else I know has a secret blog that no-one (or very few people) knows about. Certainly as one prime example, from what I've been led to believe from the years after FBS and I didn't become a proper couple, FBS was still extremely interested in me and, from that point of view, I'd be very interested to read her blog over that period of time. Of course, like everything else, be careful what you wish for. It would be like,reading her personal diary.Would I like to read that? Who knows! Would I like another crack at some naked, horizontal dancing? In my current inebriated state, definitely yes!

Woah!

Kate Beckinsale in Underworld! I'd forgotten how incredibly sexy she was in these films. Much better than her usual, big hair and typical Hollywood girl look. The skin tight black latex doesn't do her any harm either!

Yet more ground re-treading,

My cousin was visiting today and while we used to be close, we barely see each other these days. That's mostly his fault, and has recently been made more difficult by a lot of distance. A lot! Anyway, we (well, I) somehow managed to re-tread over over the whole RB incident. One of my cousin's friend's wives (convoluted!) is in the business, so he sent a text message asking her if she knew RB. Why he did this is beyond me... it's not as if this is going to change anything.

So here we are...

It was our work's Xmas bash last night and it was a really good night. I'm left, this morning, with a rather "meh" feeling to the whole thing. I'm off work for over two weeks, which is good, but I know I'm starting to fall in to my usual Xmas feeling, which is the hating of my current relationship status right now i.e. single, despite this year being quite good for me in that I met a couple of girls during my holiday earlier this year in addition to the much reported RB phase over the summer. I guess seeing a lot of the women from our firm get glammed up last night (and a lot of them really do scrub up well) which resulted in a bit of drink-related horn going on (which I'd never act on with a work colleague) which has evolved into my usual Xmas relationship mood.

Yesterday, SSCW told me that she was convinced that I would meet someone over the holiday period, which would be nice, I guess. Not incredibly likely, though!

I'm still waiting to hear from the nice girl about the flat, but I'm really pessimistic now. I'll drop her an email later today just to see what's happening, but my guess is that she's already told the successful new tenant and is ignoring everyone else that went to look at the place over the past three weeks. If that's the case, I won't be terribly amused by that!

Waiting...

Sometime this week, I'm expecting the nice girl from the promising apartment to give me a call with a yes or a no vote. I'm an impatient man and I'd really like this to be a "yes", otherwise my "score" for the year on things that are important to me will be a big fat zero out of two. RB being the other thing. Not that RB herself was the factor there, but certainly it would have been nice to see where things could have taken us.

On the other hand, I had lunch with FA1 today and she's as good looking as ever. We had a great chat over an hour or so which I thoroughly enjoyed. I wish she'd be more available to do it more often, but with a husband and family to consider, that's not going to be very likely.

Girl stuff.

I've managed to arrange a lunch date with FA1 tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm not sure why I arranged it. We haven't seen each other in years, so it'll be interesting to see what we have to say to each other. I did kind of have a crush on her years ago when she was single but she's now married with at least one kid. She's still very attractive though from the recent pictures I've seen.

I also had a bit of chat with SSCW today. She got another few details off of me regarding my personal life... stuff about FA2 mostly, but no great detail, plus she asked a couple of questions about E, specifically whether I we were ever going to hook up. It's all good fun. Like a lot females I know, I think I could open up to her a little more if we ever found ourselves in an environment where I felt comfortable, but that's where she lets herself down by deliberately distancing herself from our co-workers.

Meh...

In the cold light of day, and after a quick email to the current flatmate, my excitement has dulled somewhat. This is not because I have had second thoughts about the flat or the flatmate, but because I am pessimistic about actually getting the nod from the flatmate about moving in because it seems to me that the current flatmate is trying to let me down easily. I already know I don't fit certain criteria that she wanted (specifically age range), but I'm not sure how set she was on these, although we seemed to share an appreciation of other things, such as live music.

We'll see next week though.

Looking up?

I went to look at a place tonight... central, in an apartment block, near work and gym. The girl currently in the place is really nice (as in easy to talk to) and most importantly, the room was a good size. I'd have to be a little creative to get the stuff I want into it, but other than that, this is the best place I've seen so far, all round.

Decent flatmate? On first impressions, yes.
Close to amenities? Close to some amenities like work and gym. Proximity to bus routes to supermarkets etc. makes up for other isolation.
Expensive? Overall, not really. Rent is higher than other places, but living expenses are slightly cheaper and other expenses reduced to near zero because of location.

Would I take it? 99% yes. I think I'd need another look at the room again, just to get my head right, but there's little wrong with it.

Things are looking up!

FFS!

One of my recent goals is to change my living situation, specifically looking for a house or flat share. On and off for the past few months, I've spotted a good place and made enquiries, but my rate for getting a reply is about 1 in 3. It's gotten me really fucking frustrated and angry as I'm answering adverts and people don't have the manners to reply to my emails or text messages. All I'm asking for is that people reply back, even if it's just to tell me that the room is taken or there are better candidates at least I can move on to other adverts. At the moment I have two on the radar. I've chased them both up twice and I've still had no reply, one since Saturday and one since the week before that. I had wanted to be in somewhere before Christmas, but that's looking extremely unlikely now.

Recent thoughts.

I was out for drinks with G and FP at the weekend. Moreso G and FP turned up later simply because FP hates to think he's missing out on anything. Anyway, G was asking me about RB, who he found out about in a roundabout manner from FP. G's questioning is always intelligent and once again, I end up thinking about RB and getting, well, disappointed and while I do still think she is missing out on something that's really good fun, I can't help but get a little annoyed and frustrated about the whole thing, even after all this time.

Loose ends...

The RB thing is still something that I think about every so often. No regrets or anything and I don't see it as a chance missed because (unusually) I did my part... RB made her decision, but I still can't help feel that she has missed a chance at some great fun. A commented on how strange it was that I continued to see her out and about (I reckon I see her once every ten days), but I've never had the chance to stop and chat (assuming that she would).

USHW has been quiet for a long time. I think the last time we had anything resembling a conversation was back in July. If you still pass by here every now and again, USHW, drop me a line.

Progress of sorts.

So, I did call that number about the new living conditions and things are progressing, albeit slowly. I should have a final answer tomorrow and then things should move fairly quickly after that. I don't have much to buy in order to move out of the family home into a shared house - bedding and linen mainly, and that can be done all within a few days. The only negative point is that I'd be the first in the house which means living on my own for a while. I'd not mind that, but I am mindful of the bills that I'd rack up on my own without being able to split them two or even three ways. Still... that's getting ahead of myself. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

So, last night...

FP and I took ourselves off to see the new James Bond film, Quantum of Solace. It's really very good (although probably not as good as Casino Royale). Gemma Arterton is lovely in it as Strawberry Fields.

We nipped out for a couple of pints afterwards and, typical of my luck, a girl that appeared to be RB was in the pub. I say "appeared", because for the entire time myself and FP were in the pub, she was sat talking to a friend with her back to me and not once did she turn her head, get up to go for a smoke or use the ladies facilities. I would say that I was 90% positive it was her, though, given the small amount I know about RB... same hairstyle (I think) and colour, a similar handbag to the one I remember RB carrying and same shoes. This isn't conclusive, of course, but as I said, I'm fairly confident it was her.

We drank up and left, though. I didn't say anything to FP about it until it was too late and he suggested that I'd said something, even if it mean hanging around for another drink to see if it was her. I should have done that, in hindsight.

Anyway, that's done and dusted. I can't do anything about that. I do have a number to call this afternoon about a potential change in linving conditions. That could open up a lot of possibilities as I'd be more likely to be pro-active in the online dating thing, for example, once I get out of here into somewhere else.

So...

So, I'm in a "I don't want to be single" mood. I can identify why I am in this mood for a few reasons:

1. A invited me to her wedding, officially. I want to go, but I only know A and absolutely no one else. It would require some travel and a hotel, so it's a fair commitment. I can't do it on my own and I will probably RSVP and sadly decline. If I had a date (and I have daydreamed about this date being RB), I would in all likelihood, go. But I've not been offered a +1.
2. I was at a comedy thing tonight. Alone. Just me. Watching all these people come in to the theatre with their friends/boyfriends/wives/partners etc. just depressed me. It's not necessarily a relationship thing here, but more a social thing, but that A thing above and not-as-recent-as-it-feels RB thing are leaning me towards wanting a female mate for socialising (and, yes, if I am honest, some sex) and if that is a girlfriend/partner, then so be it.
3. I'd love to go travelling again and my experiences this year in doing a little mini-tour with E lead me to believe I'd not want to do it alone. As with point #2 above, this doesn't necessarily equate to females and relationships, but I've never done any travelling with a girlfriend and I think it would be fun (plus I could get my fill of hotel sex, which I absolutely love)
4. During a recent email conversation, A was asking all about my recent brushes with RB, the ones where we never made eye contact and the ones where we did. She was upbeat about the whole thing, suggesting that things might still change should we get a chance to chat. Well, I know it shouldn't, but it did put me in a good mood and I did kinda start thinking about RB again, a little.

So, there are the reasons, all of which have happened over the past week or so. Hmmm...

Three things of note...

1. I am squiffy
2. I could murder a cigarette
3. I really want a shag
   

A good day...

Today was a good day. I got a lot of the recent frustrating projects in work out the door. They weren't difficult, just disorganised which led to plenty of frustration around the office, not just from me, but from other people involved. They've pretty much been completed, so it's good that they're out the door.

Also, while I was out for a stroll at lunchtime for some fresh air, I half-bumped in to RB who was out with a co-worker. This time, we did make eye contact, swapped a reasonably enthusiastic "hi" and a smile. While I don't think anything will ever develop between RB and myself, at least she didn't blank me and there still is opportunity for a chat should I bump into her by herself in town or at the pub.

I remember her being prettier though... but that might have been because the only two times I've met her, there was a potential for sexytime. (Though that's not to say I wouldn't... because I stil definitely would!)

Status: squiffy

Yup, I've had a few drinks and am in that nice, warm, numb state between complete sobriety and actually being drunk.

Introspective.

In light of the stuff that's gone on recently, I've spent the past few hours taking stock of my life.

Things aren't bad, but they could be better:

Job: it's ok, but I recently missed the opportunity to go on a training course that could potentially lead to me learning some real skills that I can use in my career of choice whereas right now, I'm learning technical stuff that's not used elsewhere. All I needed to do was send an email to my boss a few months ago and I would have had a real shout at getting on this course. All I can do now is send the email and hope the course comes along again early next year.

Relationships: the frustration from RB is still there, but as I've already blogged about, I've signed up to a few different outlets that might provide a step forward. The reason there's been little progress is partly because of laziness, but partly because I haven't got the time to sit down and compose a good opening message to these potential dates. "Poking" them a la Facebook does not seem to have any effect and I would like to sort something else out before I really immerse myself in this project. A mentioned that I was on her wedding invite list and wanted to know if I'd go. I'd love to, but I've only ever met A in the flesh twice and her fiance once. I'd be in the middle of another country, on my own, with my useless social skills. I'd really need a date. Sadly, my daydreams have even gone so far as to imagine RB taking that role, so I'd better knock that on the head sharpish.

Living situation: I've seen a couple of places that I'd be interested in moving in to, but I've yet to make any moves to get in contact (and these places are likely to go fairly quickly). Again, there is a small element of laziness, but also the fact that searching for places to live kinda slips my mind and I forget about it after coming home from work. I need to be less lazy (though that could be said about my life overall) and more organised.

Health: my health's not bad, to be honest. It could be better, but that's because I've been remarkably injury prone over the past two years and that's really cut down the amount of gym time and football I could be doing/playing. I'm hoping to get down to the gym at least twice this week for a light workout to strengthen my groin muscles after a reasonably serious strain that I've found it hard to recover from. That should hopefully lead into more football the week after next and harder, more intense gym workouts.

However, if I could click my fingers and make those adjustments I've mentioned above, I think I'd be in a much happier frame of mind.

Weirdness

My aunt (my dad's brother's wife) died last night. She wasn't ill or anything, she just collapsed late in the evening and never properly recovered. I'm not even sure what happened, just that she collapsed in her home, fell over, hit her head and that was it. The paramedics tried for quite a while to resuscitate her, but to no avail. In fact, my parents had been down visiting her only hours beforehand.

I don't know what I should feel. Death hasn't been a big factor in my life, so this is the first true taste of it with someone relatively close to me. In fact, when we were younger, my cousin and I were extremely close. It's only within the last ten years or so that we've grown distant, more due to his apathy at maintaining a friendship than anything else.

That's weird in itself and I've been in a little daze all day.

What has compounded the weirdness a little was that I got a text message last night with a time stamp that pretty much matches the time that my aunt died from GFW, a co-worker I'm very friendly with, announcing the arrival of his first child, a baby girl.

Weird.

Good times.

I was out with D and the boys last night. As usual, it was a good night, though I wasn't 100% in the mood for a lot of beer. The problem with this group is that it can be very aggressive in the piss taking stakes, when FBS isn't about (and she had to cancel at the last minute due to family illness). Still, while I was outside having a smoke with D, we ended up chatting to a few girls and making a rather good impression on them. This was very late in the evening, so I didn't have time to see if anything was going to happen. One of our crowd was very sceptical when we told him that we'd been talking to real, live girls and was pouring plenty of scorn on us, until...

Then, on the way to get a taxi, I was stopped by this stunning blonde and asked for a cigarette and a light as the others stared and gawped. Good times.

Women and dating... hints and tips (that's a laugh).

Having been semi-active on a couple of sites/tools over the past few weeks in an attempt to increase my social life, it's clear to me that women don't know how to sell themselves to men.

OK, so I'm not great at selling myself to women, but at least I realise that and A kindly did my advertising for me (at least initially... I've added more to it since then). I also have plenty of female friends and I do listen to them... stuff does rub off, so I'd like to think I have an inkling of what to say. (That doesn't stop me from being useless at proper conversation, though).

So, ladies, this is for you. Take a look at your profile...

First of all, think about your target audience.

Yup... you're selling yourself to men. Not literally, of course, but you want to be interesting enough to men that they message you. This is especially true if you have a profile without a picture. Often, a picture will over-ride your profile as men (myself included) will overlook any potential flaws if there's a spark of physical attraction.

If you have a picture, put it up!

It's self explanatory, isn't it? Well, make it a nice one and, to pre-empt a later point, you don't need to be doing anything zany in it. Just a nice, normal photo of you looking good.

You say precious little in your profile.

Say more! How are people meant to be interested enough in you to message you if you only say "I'm useless at talking about myself". If you have trouble, get someone to help you, preferably a male. In fact, this is the best move you can make. We can tell others how we think we are, but it's others who see us for what we are.

You describe yourself as mad, wacky, zany or any other similar adjective.

Do not do this. Plenty of men are already convinced the entire female population is bonkers, myself included (after the recent RB debacle). We don't need reminding that any potential friend or date is mentally unhinged.

Do not include the fact that you like going to nightclubs to dance the night away.

OK, this is a personal one. I don't like dancing. I don't do it very often and even then, I have to be fairly inebriated. FA2 told me she knew I was good in bed by my moves on the dance floor. I've no idea if she was telling the truth, but if so, then it's no surprise that RB ran away because the night I danced with her, I was all left feet. So, if you list it as a hobby, I'll be concerned, but it won't be a deal breaker. If you actually specify in your profile that you just want to dance and dance and dance and dance, then I'm afraid it's unlikely I'll be in contact.

Txt spk.

Do not use this. I want an intelligent, articulate woman that I can talk to, not some vacuous bint.

Last read: Heat magazine.

If I see this mentioned, then you're also off the list. I don't mind people who are light-hearted and have fun, but there are limits to what is acceptable.

Yet more dreams... with a twist.

Another night, another frustrating but enjoyable dream. This time, I was out with friends from work when I bump in to RB at a pub. We get talking, I ditch my friends and head back to hers where we end up shagging all night long.

It was a weird dream for a few reasons. Firstly, I am actually going out with guys from work this weekend on a leaving bash, so it was based on something that could/will happen. Secondly, I saw RB in town today, but apart from a brief flicker of... nervousness, there wasn't a lot to say. Once again, she didn't see me, so there was no conversation. Every time I see her in town, she always looks so serious... she looks loads better when she smiles.

Why nervousness? I guess it's because any conversation we would have would always have her silence, her issues and our mutual keenness to overcome (whether that's still there on both out parts remains to be seen). It'd definitely be easier with alcohol!

I'd still love to get her in to bed, though.

Goals... an update.

OK, so the dating thing has kinda been in operation for a couple of weeks. As blogged before, I have three avenues to explore: a Facebook related application, a free dating site and match.com. Match.com is the one I've yet to focus on, being that it costs money, but A has written me a very good piece of descriptive text that should help a lot if/when I actually subscribe. Over the course of the past few weeks, my match.com profile has had a grand total of three views (though I don't have any pictures uploaded). I've no idea who has looked at my profile on the Facebook application as it's all rather vague and fifteen people have viewed my profile on the free site.

How has that translated to actual contact though?

Good question. Two girls have initiated contact through the Facebook application, but neither of them is sparking any interest and none of them are appearing on my list of potential contacts. Looks are important at least to generate interest... had I not thought RB was cute, I wouldn't have struck up a conversation, for example, so any potential contact has to be physically appealing to me. On the free site, I've had a message off one girl, but it's the same story as the Facebook application.

In terms of my own contact, on the Faceook application, I've "poked" six girls (as I had no witty comments to make) and actually 'spoken' to another, all without reply. I replied to one of the girls that "poked" me, only to be polite, but that's gone quiet too (though nothing was ever going to happen there).

With regards to the free site, there are fourteen potential contacts though really it's about eleven realistically as a few are outside my preferred geographical zone. I've tried to make contact with two of them, but with no reply after a week or so. Only one girl from my potential list has viewed my profile, and I've attempted contact.

Finally, there's match.com. I have a list of fourteen potentials, but without a subscription, I can't get in contact. I am thawing with regards paying for a dating site though and can see me coughing up the cash pretty soon if other avenues don't work out.

I'd not say that match.com has a "better" standard of female... certainly, if the pictures are to be believed, there are some corkers on all three "sites", but having read some third party comments, match.com has, well, I suppose the polite way to put it is more mentally stable females. match.com has potential pitfalls though. The social stigma with internet dating is getting less and less by the day and that's not really a concern of mine, but even with my own narrow search criteria, I've seen a co-worker (well, a girl that works for the same company as I do) and my friend's ex-wife's friend, and that's just from those who have put up a picture. Imagine turning up for a date with someone you know!

I think if my other goal of finding rented accommodation/house share actually comes to fruition soon that I might step up my efforts at the dating lark... it kinds just feels like a fact finding mission right now. I'm poking about but with no real interest.

More dreams... with a twist.

I've had the horn something bad this week. Christ knows why, but I kinda get weeks like this every now and again, especially during "dry" spells, so given the recent frustrations with RB, it's perhaps unsurprising that a period of horniness was always going to appear.

I've had two dreams this week where sex has featured quite heavily and ordinarily, they're probably not worth blogging about in themselves, but rather the subject of the dreams are. The first dream, earlier this week, featured V and myself doing the horizontal foxtrot from the time we met each other a few years ago now.

The most recent dream, last night, featured RB in her house.

Why I think these dreams are worth blogging about is that, with both these girls, when I think about them, sex is not the first thing that comes to mind. It is for other girls I know like QC3, CAB etc. V, as I think I've blogged about before, was an attractive, sexy girl that I got along with and, time permitting, could have been close friends (and maybe something might have developed). There was an element of attraction there, but I never made a move to get into her pants. I simply couldn't figure her out.

With RB, it's similar, although I very definitely was attracted to her in a physical way. I have to say that sex wasn't at the forefront of my mind when I was thinking about RB, although she has had her hands down my pants and I've had my hands inside her underwear. With RB, sex was something I knew would happen, given time and even though she was very hands-y, there was no need to rush things (though I assumed we'd screw sooner rather than later). As a result, I am quite surprised that she figured in my dreams in that way this week (though it was not any less enjoyable for it).

A conversation with F

I was chatting to F online today and her first question was whether or not I'd heard from RB. It's a question that's popped up a lot and I believe I've mentioned it before. I don't know if anyone actually expects RB to suddenly change her mind and get in contact (I don't... at least not without something to make her re-evaluate her views on any possible friendship or relationship), but they do continue to ask.

We then got onto my goals that I've recently formulated because of the RB fallout, which made me realise that I do need to be a little more pro-active in achieving them. There's no reason I shouldn't be apart from laziness, but I've been busy with work and slightly distracted because of it. That should all calm down this week, giving me a little more time to devote to the goals.

A not unpleasant Saturday evening.

In an attempt to increase my social life, I had arranged to head out this weekend with QC1 and her husband. It was my gig... I made the running and offered the suggestions, but when I sent out the 'invite', QC1 replied suggesting a local-ish pub rather than heading into the middle of town which I was unhappy about (and mentioned), but she said that her husband didn't want to go into town. Then, late on, moved the meeting time back half an hour, so all my original plans were scuppered.

Anyway, I had a nice time, though I would have preferred the middle of town. QC1 scoped the bar for potential girls, but there weren't any. QC1 asked for updates on the RB thing, but I had nothing new to say apart from seeing her in town this week and I mentioned that I didn't talk to her because of the lack of eye contact and that the ball is still in RB's court given the finality of her last email.

Then, unexpectedly, SSCW showed up looking rather nice and she was lovely to talk to - not the gruff, unapproachable girl she is to most people in the office. She seems to like me well enough though. She was surprised I was in that bar and suggested that it was the wrong place to pick up women. That's not exactly true, but going to the middle of town would offer more possibilities and SSCW, like most of my female friends, wants me to meet someone.

We left quite early, around midnight, and SSCW offered a point of view that FP had offered the previous evening in the pub, which is that QC1 and her hubby are acting like people much older than they are, what with picking the local-ish pub and leaving early.

Still, it was better than sitting in of a Saturday evening and the half an hour walk home enabled me to sober up a little. On the way back home, I passed by FA2's old house which prompted a little nostalgia mainly of the naked, horizontal kind and I tumbled into bed, falling asleep quickly no doubt due to the combination of alcohol and the walk home.

Fuckfuckfuckfuck...

After Monday's "near miss", I thought that would be it. After all, in the eight weeks since I originally met RB, I'd not seen her once around the town centre where we both work either during our lunchtimes or socially in the pub at the weekend outside of our one and only date.

Now I've seen her twice in one week and today, unlike Monday, I passed right by her. She never once glanced in my direction and I wonder if she was trying not to look. If we'd made eye contract, I would have stopped, but we didn't so I walked on and never looked back. In hindsight, I should have stopped and at least said "hi" though.

I'm still angry at myself for still being kind of interested in her, as well as being angry at the general situation. I still can't believe that something that was going so well has jut fallen apart based on RB's assumptions and seeming inability to deal with things. I should be past this by now.

Oh well, what a day.

First off, my laptop died this morning. No big deal... it's just that I need a new AC adapter, but it'll be a few days until that arrives in the post, having already ordered one. I won't be able to use my laptop until then, but it's hardly an inconvenience with my desktop sitting in the corner.

I was due to meet up with a mate at lunchtime for some junk food lunch... Burger King. On my way over, who did I see in the street? RB, that's who. I passed within 5 meters of her, but didn't stop. I don't think she noticed me, but had we had eye contact, I definitely would have stopped for a chat. After all, that's kind of what I've wanted to happen... but the thing is, it's all still in her court so to speak, which is why there'll be no contact until there's eye contact. Is that making sense? It's sounds right in my head, but not when I read it back.

However, the "near miss" with RB prompted various things this afternoon. First of all, the guy I was meeting for lunch didn't know the RB story. In fact, the last time I was speaking to him, I was on my way home from work to prepare for the date which is five weeks ago now. (Is it really that long?) So, he got the entire story. Like everyone else, he seemed dumbfounded that it has ended the way it has.

Also, there was a fair amount of frustration... mainly that I didn't get the eye contact I wanted, but also other feelings that I am unsure of. She looked as good as I remember (albeit in profile) and while I know she's only 5 foot tall, she looked, well, smaller. I guess I'm also thinking that, the way my luck is going, this was my one chance to actually talk to her and that I'll not get another one. Still... I have those other avenues to pursue... Still, I spoke to RA and A about it this afternoon, but I'm not entirely sure I've gotten my head round it all yet.

Speaking of these other avenues, I have a profile on three sites: one on match.com, one on a Facebook application site and another on a 100% free dating site. My match.com profile was written for me by A and is brilliant... very comprehensive. The Facebook thing isn't really anything other than my age etc. and requires no thought and the last one is still a work in progress. I do have my picture up on the latter two, though, hoping for something to come along.

However, after a few weeks activity on the Facebook thing, I've gotten nothing in return. I've 'prodded' seven women to try and start a conversation but nothing's been said in reply, and most of them have been online since. With the last one, I only joined at the weekend so I'm not expecting much (and I'm not seeing much, if I'm being honest... one brunette girl stands out, but that's it), so there's not a lot of activity. I might have to bite the bullet and become a full (i.e. paid up) member of match.com, but that's a last resort for me as everyone appears to be a member of at least two out of the three sites I've mentioned above.

I need something to happen soon.

Moving forward...

So, I mentioned a few things a while back that I think I needed to address after the RB incident. The major thing is my social life which sucks huge amounts of ass right now. I had been looking forward to heading out last night with FP and his mates (despite the fact I don't particularly like his mates), just to get out of the house and have a laugh for a few hours. Of course, we're dealing with FP here, so there are two things I have to state... he'll quite happily tell me on Tuesday that there are plans for Saturday night, but when I call him to arrange something, everything's left hanging until 30 mins before the taxi's due to arrive. Secondly, because it's FP, the plans he cancels on Friday night are postponed until Saturday, so everything's fucked because he can't reschedule his plans for another night... he has to reschedule for 24 hours later.

That wasn't a huge disaster as there were rumours that our mutual friend, G, was home. Sadly, G never called or texted, but there's a real possibility that I'll see him today if he's about. That'll be someone else I'll have to tell the RB tale to.

I've made this RB thing out to be a big deal, because it is. To me at least. For those that meet girls all the time, this isn't an issue. My friends know that this kind of thing doesn't happen very often so when it does, they do take an interest, because they realise that a girl must have done something right for me to connect with them.

Anyway, the two things I'm considering as a result of the RB fallout is moving out to rented accomodation (something I'd not really considered before as I'd hoped to eventually buy my own place) and some kind of social interaction... using online dating sites to meet new people, not necessarily to form romantic relationships, but just to expand my social circle. It's very early days on these and I might not do any of them, but let's have a look and see what's out there.

Get over it already!

In conversation with RA earlier, he asked the question that all the people in the know about the RB thing have asked at one point or another over the past two weeks...

"Have you heard from RB?"

I don't know if they were expecting RB to get in contact again or if this is just politeness, but it did start me thinking...

RB is keen (or she was). RB was single. RB doesn't like being single.

However, logic dictates that RB has been out of the dating scene in a while. After all, if she'd been dating recently, these issues would already be in her thoughts and I suspect she wouldn't have agreed to a date with me and the date wouldn't have gone so well. Whether this means she's rarely approached or rarely takes people up on dates shouldn't matter and is a good thing (can you hear the capitals?) If I do bump into her soon-ish, then it's entirely possible she will re-evaluate us (either as friends or more), especially if we end up having a conversation rather than, for example, her spotting me in town or at the pub. The liklihood of us meeting is small, but if we do, the possibility of me making another good impression on her is fairly good, I think. She won't suddenly change her mind out of the blue... that kind of stuff only happens in Hollywood movies unfortunately.

I can't and won't sit around waiting for that to happen and given my current mindset, I will be looking elsewhere, but I think there's cause for at least a little optimism should I see her again.

More.

I met QC1 for lunch today. She was very inquisitive regarding the RB incident that I had to tell in full again. Telling the tale leaves me weirded out. Obviously, the usual frustration rises again along with a little disappointment about the entire thing. However, afterwards, I usually end up feeling good about everything and not a little optimistic that RB might get in contact. That last bit is never going to happen, though. QC1 was a good listener and she, like everyone else that's heard the story, is astounded that it's ended this way. Ah well. I've made tentative arrangements to see QC1 and her husband soon for some pints. That'll be a good night.

I also dropped QC2 an email this afternoon seeing if we could meet up. It's not that long since I saw her last, but she does night classes that make her hard to get hold of, so I'd like to meet her for a drink or two before she gets started back into her college work. Hopefully she'll reply before the end of the week.

Words of wisdom

I read a post on a forum recently that immediately brought back memories of RB...

"Don't let the last one ruin you for the next one."

I hope she knows this and learns from it soon.

Actually, I blogged the entire RB thing on a forum, anonymously, just to see what feedback I'd get there. Almost universally, people were amazed things fell apart. It was good to see that most people said the same things that AM, A and QC2 had been saying... right people, right place, wrong time etc.

Grrr...

As if the recent RB incident isn't taking the piss enough, every time I log into Facebook, the fucking adverts it serves up are almost taunting me for being my age and single.

Yes, I fucking know and yes, I am fucking unhappy about it, now piss off and stop taking the piss, you stupid fucking adverts.

Introspective.

A night out last night with a female cousin coupled with a conversation this morning with E has prompted me to evaluate exactly why I've been restless for pretty much all of this year.

My cousin prompted me for details on the RB situation, which caused a certain amount of frustration and disappointment to rise again (though I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been thinking about RB on and off over the past week). She got the entire story, but wasn't able to offer any solutions, though I hadn't asked for any and I don't believe there are any beyond what I've already blogged about in previous posts. It was still nice to talk it through (again).

E was slightly more helpful and I think I've pretty much pinpointed the source of the restlessness. It's something I've often blogged about, but never really given much consideration to it apart from having the odd moan. I believe that the answer is my lack of social life. The RB incident has excacerbated this restlessness which I believe was originally prompted by my travelling earlier this year. RB was a route into being more active, meeting new people and widening my social circle. Irrespective of whether we ended up as friends or something more, then RB was someone/something that could have made my social life better... an opportunity now denied.

So what do I do now? How can I make my social life better so that I'm not relying on FP to head out of an evening? That's something I need to think about. I have some ideas that I need to explore fully...

Game over: the fallout

Sending the email was the best thing that RB could have done for me. I've been in a remarkably good mood ever since in stark contrast to the frustration and impatience from last week. As I've already posted, I've left it open for RB to contact me if she changes her mind, but I really don't think that will happen unless we happen to meet each other and have a conversation which probably means bumping into her in the pub. I have a gut feeling that we might still see each other out and about and if that is the case, I hope she doesn't shy away and we are able to have a chat.

There still is an element of frustration, mind you. When opportunities come along as infrequently as they do regarding me and girls, I'm still frustrated that RB has made a hasty decision based on very little information. I still believe we could have been, at the very worst, good friends.

I told FP the entire tale last night and he was the only person so far to have suggested that I was appearing overly keen. I disagree, of course, but he's right to voice that opinion. Even then, he did agree that it is a hasty decision and large assumption on RB's part.

Definitely game over.

I woke this morning to an email from RB. Once I'd gotten over the surprise that she'd made contact, I read it and, as expected, it was a "thanks but no thanks" email.

She specifically mentioned that she thought I was looking for more than she was and that was her main reason for refusing further contact. Of course, I think she's wrong. Had she said something like "I think you're keener than I am", then I'd agree. I think I am... but then she's been someone I've been thinking about on and off since our original meeting about five weeks ago. RB's perspective is different as I effectively popped out of thin air about two weeks ago, so she might not have had as much time to consider our friendship.

The difference here is interpretation, I think. I've been pro-active in making contact, both in supplying original contact details, then calling her to ask her out on a date and then following up last week when she never made contact as promised. I don't think I've been too intense, especially given her silence but I can understand why or how she might come to her conclusion. I am disappointed that she's made that decision without meeting up at least one more time.

There's also the point that she was scared off because our one and only date went so well. Right at the end of the evening, she mentioned that she couldn't date because of issues/baggage but still wanted to get to know me. The fact that we were lying in her bed involved in some rather splendid kissing (and not for the first time) says to me that she was at least keen to a certain extent.

However, getting back to what RB said in her email, my attitude has always been simply to take each date/meeting as it comes and see how things pan out (with perhaps a vague notion that this might end up being a romantic rather than platonic relationship), or rather that was the plan until RB went AWOL. RB's attitude is almost the opposite... if there's an obstacle, then don't overcome it and if you can run away then do so. At least, that's my analysis based on the two meetings and subsequent events and various things that RB said. It seems that, for her, my assumed targets for our friendship were too large to overcome, despite this being the early stages of our friendship. Personally, I don't think it matters if I want more than her or not, as long as I don't force the issue and try to get RB into bed or any other non-platonic action. She would have to meet me socially to find that out, though.

I sent a final message thanking her for at least telling me (I chose not to mention that she should have done this last fucking week and that she might have acted her age) and that I disagreed with her assumptions, but true to my attitude throughout, I'm not closing any doors and mentioned if she changes her mind, I'd love to meet, as friends.

WTF am I doing?

RB's email address pretty much landed in my lap today. After my "Game over" comment last night, I spent all afternoon trying to decide if I should use it.

I did.

I'm still having trouble believing that she can't send a simple "no thanks" message and is preferring to 'hide' for want of a better word.

One thing that is very definitely true is that I am in another phase where I am unhappy being single. Having a potential relationship dangled in front of me with RB who is still a very good looking woman (and then yanked away for no good reason) has made me want a relationship... at least it does at the moment.

Game over.

No contact.

Game over? (Part two)

It's game over, or rather it will be in about four hours when I consider it too late to call anyone. Generally that's 10 PM... text messages are another matter. Not that I'm actually expecting RB to call or text. I'm not. However, I'm still rather confused as a) I still don't believe she's the type to go silent and b) there's no reason to avoid me as she does obviously like me (and I still think romantically rather than in a platonic way). Even if she doesn't want to socialise or become friends, why avoid sending a text message saying "thanks but no thanks"? Is that too much to ask for? This is the bit that gets me and a little part of me thinks there might be some other reason.

Still, we're in to the final hours now.

I'm hugely disappointed in both RB and the general situation. It's just like me to find a girl that I like, who likes me in return, but who has so much baggage she doesn't actually want to see me or contact me.

I know that, reading back that last sentence, it sounds a little desperate, almost as if I'm talking myself into some idea that she does like me, but she does. I was on the date and the open body language was there, she was vocally appreciative and said nice things about me to her housemate, plus invited me to kiss her quite a lot and enjoyed it, too.

The past few days have been emotionally draining. I did really want her to call over the weekend after my text message and phone call of last week, but the lack of response has been frustrating and disappointing. Today, at work, I was totally distracted all day long. I hope by drawing a line under RB this evening that I become more focussed this week.

All about FA1.

I was in contact with FA2 on Facebook last night. FA2 continues to astound me with her contact. Admittedly, I was the one that initiated contact, but FA2's questions were weird and her own side of the conversation was brief. She, quite predictably, questioned the status of my love life, but even when faced with the story of RB (not all of it, just the important bits), didn't really appear to be interested, instead skipping off on to other subjects while I was still in the process of explaining things. It's almost like she's ticking boxes that need ticked when she asks questions, but with no real interested in the answers. However, she was nosey enough to sift through my Facebook profile and ask questions about some people, such as E and one of E's friends.

She mentioned about me heading out to her neck of the woods for a visit, but I never mentioned that I had been there earlier this year, instead saying that I wouldn't be back for the foreseeable future. When it came to her own life, she was saying very little.

I'm not annoyed as such. I've had eight years or so to get used to FA2's foibles and it was me that initiated contact last night, so it's not as if I can blame her for that. Still, I am reminded that FA2 is a useless friend and that my avoidance of her during me holiday was justified.

Aargh!

So my fluctuating emotions regarding the RB thing continues... After convincing myself this morning that it was all over and I shouldn't bother with her anymore, I gained this new sense of optimism that she will call tomorrow or Monday and even if she doesn't, I should try one more time to get in contact.

I shouldn't contact her again. Logically, I think what I've done this week has been pretty spot on and ordinarily, I would leave it. However, I don't think that RB and myself hooking up has been anything normal in the dating sense. Getting contact details to her via post is one thing that's not 'normal'. Calling her at work nearly three weeks after meeting her is another. So maybe I should chance my arm one last time at contact? Why would I do such a thing? Ignoring the lack of contact, which is one of my biggest annoyances in acquaintances, I do think we could be good friends. I think our date showed that and I hate this idea that we don't work at something. That's partly the reason why I'm annoyed at her 'no dating' decision.

This could all change again tomorrow. I'll have to see how I'm feeling then before making any final decision.

Game over?

On the advice of QC2, I waited another few days then sent another text message yesterday morning, asking to meet up this weekend. There has been no reply, so I am forced to give up hope that anything will develop with RB. Or rather, I will if she hasn't been in contact by tomorrow night as I tend to give people a couple of days to return a call, text or email.

As I've already said, I'm not convinced that RB is the type to ignore the contact, but she's had nearly four full days to reply to my initial phone call and voice mail and hasn't done so. I'm angry and somewhat frustrated about the whole thing. With RB being in her thirties, I had thought that she might be a little more mature in her contact and not rely on silence as an avoidance mechanism, especially when she's already mentioned friendship rather than a relationship.

I'm fighting the urge to give her a third and final chance come the start of next week but I think that might be pushing the issue somewhat and I should just give up. Every now and again I gain this burst of optimism that she might yet get in contact, but I think that's just wishful thinking linked to how much I wanted something to develop with RB.

Did the fact that I cancelled the cinema night to go out with D cost me a friendship?

Impatient (part 2)

As expected (pessimistically) there was no contact from RB tonight. It's been 24 hours since my last contact and I'm at a loss where to go from here. It's entirely possible that she's been busy and that contact may yet still come, but is that logical thinking or just wishful?

The feeling of disappointment has been dogging me for the past couple of days. I've only met RB twice, but first impressions don't lead me to believe she's the kind of girl to simply ignore contact and that she'd instead offer up some kind of excuse not to see if things develop. However, while I can read people quite well, I'm not claiming to be some kind of expert.

I'm still of the opinion that she is keen (or was keen) and that this thing is falling apart because things were going so well between us, even if we've only been in each other's company for less than 12 hours, and that this issue of hers is holding her back. Maybe she's afraid that the spark between us is too strong to ignore and with her issue, she's stuck between a rock and a hard place, emotionally, taking the easy way out by simply backing off completely? Who knows?

I'm also slightly concerned about how much disappointment I'm feeling right now. I know I invested a bit when I first sent her the note and I knew fairly quickly on our date that I wanted things to develop romantically, but hand on heart, I hadn't looked anywhere beyond a couple of dates.

I think I know what it was... that I wanted or needed this to develop in some way. Romance being the preferred option, but friendship was or is still a goal. I've long maintained that I need to meet new people produce new socialising opportunities and this was the best chance I've had in a long time to do that.

I now face a decision. Should I simply give in now, and if any contact comes in the next day or so, then so be it, or do I attempt further communication in a couple of days before giving up?

Impatient.

I cracked and called RB about 24 hours ago. Sadly, I wasn't able to get through and left a voice message instead asking her to call me back. So far, I'm still waiting on that call, but as each minute passes, I must admit that I get more and more pessimistic that anything is going to develop between myself and RB... even a friendship.

I know it's only been 24 hours, but it's been nearly two weeks since our one and only official date and it seems like a lifetime away already. Maybe I am just being impatient and should really give her a day or two to get back to me, but I can't help but shake this feeling that if she's not in contact by bed time tonight (hers or mine... doesn't matter), then she won't be in contact at all. That disappoints me for more than one reason.

The only person to have been in contact with regards to RB since the weekend has been QC2 who sent a brief email this morning, asking for updates.

Still pondering.

So, I think that the people I trust enough to know about the RB thing are fully clued in and most have given their advice on the matter... only AM and USHW have yet to say anything.

Most of the advice has been reasonably consistent - give her some time to get to know me and trust me, but make it clear that while I respect her decision, that I don't agree with it and that I want to be more than friends. [I'm still hoping that RB has had a chance to sit down and think this through and chatted to her mates. If she is romantically keen (and she is), then there is always a possibility that her decision can change.] Obviously, we don't discuss that immediately, but it's something we will have to talk about in a while, assuming that we do continue to see each other. I tend to be pessimistic about these things, but vocalising it has helped. Talking to QC2 in person and E on the phone has really helped, but this will fade in a few days' time if there are no further developments and if I haven't talked it over with anyone.

This is, I think, going to be weird. Effectively, it will be dating without the supposed romantic/sexual conclusion. We're still pretty much strangers and our next group of meetings will continue where the date left off with us learning about each other... less about facts (our histories, likes and dislikes) and more about personalities and with less kissing. No kissing, actually.

Despite the fact that it was left that she wouldn't call until next week, I'm kinda hoping (with an element of a gut feeling) that she'll be in contact today. It would be nice if she were, but we'll see.

Meh.

My own emotions have been all over the place this week. I was angry and frustrated at the start of the week, with an element of confusion. After chatting to QC2 and R, the anger and frustration still remained to a certain extent, but I was more optimistic that things would work out the way I wanted them to. That's lessened somewhat, and doubt and pessimism is starting to creep in.

Things will remain completely confusing until RB gets in contact and we meet. We might talk about this at our next meeting, but I think that's doubtful. I will have to bring this up at some point though.

The good thing is that she is keen on me (or at least I believe that she is based on her actions), so it just remains to see what this mental block is and how we can put that to bed.

I had kinda hoped she'd have been in contact, even if it was just a brief text message, but she hasn't. I didn't take QC2's advice and contact RB as I had nothing to say and while I'm happy to let her know that I am still interested in her beyond friendship, I don't want to appear pushy.

Scooby Doo, where are you?

USHW has been quiet for a while now. We usually swap posts on Facebook, but while she's shown some signs of activity, there's been nothing for a while, since around the time I originally hooked up with RB at the start of July.

Pondering.

Tonight I was meant to meet up with RB, but I somehow managed to cock everything up and lost that opportunity, instead heading out with D and that crowd for a charity event. I had envisaged that D would ask a lot of questions about the "guest" I had originally planned to bring along (RB, if you're not keeping up), but she didn't seem interested. She admitted to being very shy at our date last week plus this other issue might still be playing on her mind and she might not want to meet any of my friends right now during this confusing period.

I think she would have enjoyed the evening, though, and I did miss her company. It would have been nice to have met up with her tonight. We'll have to wait until next week to see if QC2's advice is any good.

More analysis.

One thing that has been playing on my mind with the whole RB thing is why I am so concerned about making this work after only two meetings.

There is the obvious attraction - she is a good looking woman and there is that natural spark.

Is that it or is there more?

I was comfortable in her presence, much more than I usually am with people that I'm attracted to. Chatting to her wasn't an issue and neither was the note I sent. I was more troubled about the method of contact than actual contact. When we shared the bed, again I was comfortable having her wrapped around me. This might not seem like a big thing, but in the two years I was dating FA2 and the number of times I spent over at hers, we never cuddled and that was mostly my decision. There was also the fact that I actually approached her both initially in the pub and with the note. At some level I must have thought she was worth it.

All I can do is wait and see what next week brings.

Yay!

Now someone else is fully clued up on the RB saga as I spent a very enjoyable few hours in the company of QC2.

QC2 laughed, but not maliciously. She knows that my track record, and to a certain extent luck, with women is really poor.

QC2's opinion is similar to the other advice I've taken from A and R: play it cool for now, give RB a chance to get to know me but to make it clear soon-ish that I want things to develop.

The reasons for her behaviour are still completely unclear, and realistically could be anything, but having spoken to QC2, we're in agreement that the most likely scenario is something less serious such as a boyfriend that cheated on her or recently (ish) coming out of a long term relationship or having a boyfriend that was involved with someone else (slightly different to the first reason).

I still can't say for sure and my main hope still lies with RB fuzzing her words at the weekend and rather than stopping dating completely, hopefully she just needs to draw breath, keep things slow for a while and then see what will happen. QC2 seems to agree that this is what's going on, at least to the best of her knowledge as she can only go by my telling of events and the information I've given (which is most of it, to be fair).

D'oh.

I managed to cancel my meeting this week with RB, but I did arrange to meet up with D. I did offer RB a chance to reschedule, but we were unable to come up with a date so we'll leave it until next week.

Maybe this cancellation will give RB space and time to talk to her mates and ponder things over and sort out her own mind.

I think I'm fooling myself though.

The date: the fallout (part 2)

The feeling of disappointment has not gone away and I've been trying to look at it logically. Before I sent the note, I was quite unsure of what I wanted. Either friendship or some other non-platonic relationship would have been fine by me.

When RB appeared in the bar on Friday, things got clear pretty quickly and I knew that I wanted this to develop into something that wasn't platonic. There was no initial hit of lust, so it's not as if I only wanted to get into her pants, though I do admit that if things had developed over the next couple of weeks/dates that that would eventually be the next step. Some strong feelings did manifest though, obviously there is the attraction, but I think the previous three weeks inflated the emotion somewhat.

Now it looks like there's only one way this will end... a platonic friendship. Strangely, this just feels like a consolation prize right now.

The date: the fallout.

So how has this dating thing caused me to feel?

Well, I'm disappointed and frustrated. RB's the most promising girl (in terms of a potential girlfriend) I've met in years and for her to remove any romantic possibility right from the end of the first official date is confusing, especially as she says it's something in her past rather than her own feelings for me. There is also the fact that she was very appreciative of me both in our original meeting and during the date itself right up until the point she made the announcement.

So, I'm also annoyed and increasingly angry. OK, so she has this baggage from before that's still bothering her, but why let this get in the way now? Why not give it a couple of dates and see how things go? If she's still bothered after four or five dates, then perhaps this is a big enough deal for her to deal with and not to get into the serious dating or a relationship. I'm struggling to come up with something that's so big or important that it's stopping her from dating. I'd far rather fall into the friends category because these issues cannot be overcome with our dating and talking rather than be forced into the friends angle because RB won't address the issues she faces.

What is this baggage that's so huge she won't date? From things RB said during our original meeting (and from comments made by A), I'd have to say that perhaps a previous partner cheated on her. But if that was a while ago, why is this still a big thing now? So, if it's not that, then the only things I can think of are more sinister... physical abuse, rape etc. I've only know her for three weeks and only met her twice, so she's not going to open up right now and tell me everything, but if this is a simple trust issue because her previous partner cheated on her, I'll be very disappointed. That's the kind of thing that you work through by getting out there and dating and forming new (romantic) relationships.

I am harbouring a very slim glimmer of hope that between now and our next meeting later this week, that she talks to her friends and/or family and that they encourage her to actually give the dating thing a go, that it might help her overcome whatever this issue is that she still has to deal with.

The date.

The tale is complicated, so I'm going to be very brief about this. The people that I want to know about this already have the full story (USHW - you should have a PM about it) and right now, I've no idea what to think/feel.

The date started well. I recognised her immediately when she arrived and she while she perhaps wasn't as pretty as I had remembered, she was still pretty. The date started slowly, albeit not awkwardly and we both seemed to have a good time.

During the evening, and before I got her into a taxi, I made some moves. Not big ones, but just small little things - things I said and did; the timing of which I seemed to get spot on. From my own perspective and from things that RB had said that evening, things were going amazingly well (and feedback from A on this backs up my own point of view). I was using a couple of things that E had told me about body language etc. and there were definite indicators of interest from her all night long.

Due to RB being quite drunk, the taxi business ended up being confusing and I ended up back at hers, despite this not being a goal of mine for our first proper date. In fact, I had explicitly stated near the end of the night that I would get her a taxi and see my self home as I wanted to see her again. We live in different directions, so the goal was always two taxis, but she was insistent I got into the taxi that was going back to hers so I suggested I'd call a cab from there.

Back at hers, there was a bit of snogging on the sofa, then we ended up in bed again (she asked me to stay, but made it perfectly clear that nothing was going to happen) where some more snogging started when, all of a sudden she stops and claims that she can't do dating, that there is something in her past that she hasn't yet dealt with. RB apologised for this, for "leading me on" and stated a desire to be friends.

Given her nature when she's drunk (being aggressive as a defensive measure), I had thought this was perhaps something like that, but the next day when I mentioned that I'd had a great time and would love to do it again, she reiterated the friendship claim. When I expressed my disappointment and mentioned that I had held some hopes that this would go a different route, she seemed quite dismissive of my point of view.

We left on reasonably good terms with a tentative plan to see each other this week. I'm kinda hoping that she talks to her friends (all girls do, don't they?) and they encourage her to change her mind and to give the dating thing a proper go.

I'm not sure how I feel about all of this. I'll need to sort myself out tomorrow.

WTF?

I'll blog in full later but for now just let me say that I really don't understand women.

D'oh.

Of course, when we'd made the arrangements, we both ended the conversation and that was that.

Except, d'oh, I'd once again forgotten to get her number in case things don't go according to plan tomorrow night. She might still have mine... that's yet to be established, but if something's gone pear-shaped at my end, I can't contact her.

It's like telephone numbers of pretty girls are my kryptonite.

Supposedly the best things in life don't come easily.

Fuck me, that wasn't easy.

I met AM for lunch and she got the full story on the RB thing. Well, maybe not full story... the important bullet points: met RB, like RB, no fucking, no contact since and a certain amount of RB-related distraction. Her advice, straight to the point, was exactly the same as A's - call her.

I was still worried about whether there were two girls with RB's name in her office, but I needn't have worried. Using RB's first name when calling the central line didn't provoke a "which one?" response and after a failed first attempt as she was on another call, the second paid dividends as she agreed to meet for a drink (and hopefully more than one) at the end of the week.

Weirdly, when she came on the phone, I knew it was her from her simple "hello". I might not remember her face in detail, but her voice was instantly familiar. I hope that when she appears in the pub this weekend, I'll recognise her face in exactly the same way.

I feel nauseous. I feel excited. But mostly, I feel nauseous as my nerves nearly got the better of me and that things still aren't plain sailing yet as I still remember how difficult she was the last time we met. For the record, I don't believe she will be like that and will be nice and chatty and forthcoming.

A plan?

Ideally what I need is an opportunity to speak to RB in some kind of one-on-one scenario. That could be at the pub, on the street even over the phone. Just get her on her own and ask her out for a drink.

With those thoughts running through my head earlier, I emailled A with a theory. Over the course of an hour or so and swapping a few thoughts on the matter, I came away with the idea of just calling her at work as that's the only contact details I have for her. I'm still unsure of her surname, but there is someone listed on the internet that could be the person I'm after. So, I spent the rest of the afternoon in a ridiculously good mood.

On the way home, something hit me though. There is a number listed on the internet, but it's a switchboard number by the looks of it. Obviously, if I call this place and ask for RB by her first name and am told there are a couple of them, I'm well and truly borked. If not, I can assume I'll be speaking to RB. It has sown an element of doubt into my plan and I'm not sure how this is now going to turn out. Will I still phone? Ultimately, if it was a direct line and I had her surname, I'd have called already, but the uncertainty of the details is making me a little apprehensive about "cold calling".

Talk is good.

The call came in. AM has a sixth sense. I guess she knows I have something on my mind and has agreed to meeting up without getting in to a huge chat on the phone tonight.

Final details are to be arranged but I'm hoping to see her on Thursday.

Contact and AM and steps foward.

I tried to contact AM today to meet for lunch and to chat about the RB thing. I don't know what I hope to accomplish with this, just that I want to talk to someone and AM is probably my closest friend. She might have some advice and she might not. I hope she does. She will listen though, which I think is what I need most right now.

I texted her and called her, but she was busy. She's promised a call back tonight, so I'm waiting for that while watching Elizabethtown. Let's see what happens.

*sigh*

Last night, just before bed time, the foul mood I'd been in all day just vanished. I don't know why... it just did.

Today, I woke in a great mood, totally the opposite to yesterday. Weirdly, I was extremely upbeat and positive about the situation and totally and utterly convinced that this was all going to work out in my favour and that I would get the date that I so obviously crave with RB. I was distracted all day though... pre-occupied with something... how to get in contact with RB, I think, without being an absolute fucking loser weirdo. If I find out her surname and send a small bouquet of flowers to her work place with a note, does that make me nuts? That's one of the thoughts that's crossed my mind today.

That's not going to work in my favour and I'm going to crash again.

*snarl*

I was in poor form today. I don't need to explain why, do I?

I still feel I should try another attempt at getting RB out, but I don't know how to do this. I do know where she works, but I don't have her full name, so calling the switchboard and asking for her might be troublesome if there is more than one girl with that name, plus I don't want a stalker tag. Being keen is good, being stalker is bad. I could call up to her house, but even my new-found bravery isn't going to stretch that far, especially after nearly three weeks.

It's frustration and anger at myself about not being in control of the situation, I think. I should have gotten her number and called her. At the very least, the rejection would have been a definite end rather than me analysing this thing to the very molecule over the past three weeks. However, you can't overlook how utterly fucking clueless I am with women. When trying to chat women up I am blind to body language and just utterly clumsy all round.

As luck would have it, I might have spotted her in the town at lunchtime, but as I've previously mentioned, I'm useless at faces. I'm maybe 60% certain it was RB, but she was with a friend/colleague and I was with a friend otherwise I think I would have asked if it was her (or I'd like to think she would have stopped me herself). Then I spent the afternoon hoping she had seen me (though I had tried to catch her eye but I don't think she looked in my direction) and would get in contact tonight. She didn't, though.

SSCW figured out I wasn't in a great mood and tried to talk to me about. I let slip some details... SSCW knows it's women-related, that I was waiting for someone to get in contact and that I don't think she will. I let slip a few other details, but not a lot. I did want to talk to SSCW... I've been trying to get QC1 and QC2 out for a while now exactly for this reason, but SSCW has a habit of bringing these things up again at a later date to other people. In a separate conversation later, I explained to SSCW that I was extremely private.

Before I clammed up, she seemed quite positive that I should get in contact though. Her suggestion was to go back to the same bar on a Thursday night and see what happens. I didn't tell her I'd already done that, albeit not deliberately.

I don't know what to do, really. I thought I'd put this one to bed at the end of last week, but my frustration at how this has turned out is worse than it was last week and my optimism/wishful thinking that she might get in contact is back with a vengeance. I'm also very angry at myself for not getting her contact details originally.

The end? (Part Two)

So, despite being convinced that RB's not going to phone, I have toyed with the idea that I might make another attempt at getting in contact. I have no idea what this might be, but I was kind of encouraged to consider it when I was reading a few posts on a forum I frequent where I am fairly anonymous member. These posts weren't replies to my own circumstances, but rather general dating and relationship issues that can apply to me.

Essentially, a few female members had posted that being keen early on is not a bad thing (which I guess I am), that another attempt at contact should be seen as “what have I got to lose?” which is also a valid point to make. The final reason was a old quote or saying “a faint heart never won fair lady”, which is also true.

Into this, I have to factor various facts and assumptions that would support further effort:

1. I'm not 100% sure she got my first note. Reasonably sure, yes. Perhaps to about 80%, but not certain.
2. She was keen during the night and a little affectionate in the morning. The early evening stuff was based on drunken lust, of that I'm reasonably sure, but there was enough there in the morning to suggest it wasn't all alcohol based.
3. There was a fair amount of embarrassment the next morning. My guess is that taking a guy back to hers and jumping on him is not something she does very often, if at all. We didn't fuck, but it appears that we did enough to make her self-conscious. Enough not to call? I think so.
4. I think some things she said during the night didn't add up. Not vitally important things, but there were half a dozen things said that might not be true and if she remembers the early part of the evening, might not want to revisit that and have to admit to the fibs.
5. She admitted that she was single and that she was unhappy being single.

And these factors that support no further effort:

1. She might well have gotten the phone number and just isn't interested enough to want to see me again.
2. It's been two weeks and really, things are now cold. Had I wanted to follow up on this, I should have done it early last week. Even now, by the time I figure something out and act on it, it could be another week passed.

Ideally, I'd bump into her in the street or in the pub and this would be moot as I could ask her straight out for a lunch date or her number, but with that being reasonably unlikely, forcing the issue with more contact is something I have to consider if I do want to see her again. How to go about this is the kicker, though.

Ruuude talks films.

Go see The Dark Knight right now.

It's absolutely fantastic.

The end?

As it's now two complete weekends since RB's had my number (or rather since she should have had my number... I'm still not 100% certain she did receive it obviously), I have to assume she's not going to use it.

Thursday and Friday were weird days for me. I was in a terrible mood. Not bad tempered, but rather, I don't know, disappointed? A general feeling of anti-climax, perhaps? The realisation, sub-consciously that she wasn't going to phone even though I knew that from the start of the week. There was also a false alarm on Thursday evening as I received an SMS message from an unknown number, but it turned out to be one of E's friends who had a new number. I was also contemplating other ways of getting in contact having seen quotes elsewhere that implied that taking risks was a good idea. It's an idea I've yet to reject, but I'd need someone I know and trust to confirm that it was a good idea before I'd continue down that route. I might post on this another time as I still have these thoughts running around my head that I need to straighten out.

Anyway, I spoke to A about it and she empathised with me as she's been in a similar position. I also managed to talk to FP about it in the early hours of this morning, at least to tell him I'm disappointed that RB didn't call and that I was (or still am) reasonably keen in seeing her again (mainly because she was a lot more personable in the morning than she had been the previous evening). His theory was that RB was embarrassed about the night because his assumption was that we had fucked. I put him right on that score (we didn't), but I do think his theory is partly right and that we were a lot more intimate that night than she would have liked (despite her being the more aggressive one). So, even though I sent the note (assuming, again, that she got it), she's still embarrassed by the evening. She admitted as much herself on the Friday morning, but I didn't believe that would be enough to stop her from getting in contact.

Fair play to FP though, he did listen and there was no piss taking, only some theories on why she didn't call (as he saw how keen she was) and declarations that women were mad (and he's right ladies, you are). He should be like that more often.

I've been busy since Thursday which has helped a lot. I still wouldn't mind seeing her again, but at least I'm not focussed on a potential phone call.

Sigh.

The RB thing has been annoying me. While I wouldn't say I've been obsessive about it, I have found it hard to put it out of my mind and just deal with it if/when she calls (as you can tell from the amount of posts on the subject over the past two weeks). I've been keeping a careful eye on the phone since the earliest point when she could have received the note (last Wednesday night) at times where I think she might call - lunchtimes, during the evening after tea-time etc. even though I don't get a lot of calls on my mobile and don't usually pay it a lot of attention unless I'm actually using it myself.

Is it a big thing? For most people, probably not. For me? Possibly. As I am quite picky when it comes to those I take on as friends, girlfriends etc. getting in contact with RB was a big step for me. The decision to make contact and the actual act of getting the note out are minor compared to the fact she is someone I'd like to see again and that I've been pro-active in trying to do so. The ambiguity over what this might turn in to if she does call is still there. RB is a very attractive, sexy girl (or rather, I remember her being a very attractive and very sexy girl... I have a terrible memory for faces) and there's no doubt that I am attracted to her romantically/sexually a little (though not to the same extent as I was with Kiwi Girl, for example) but not enough (in my own opinion) that I should be this focussed on waiting for her call, especially when it could as easily go down the platonic route as the romantic one.

Logically, I think I know the time has passed for her to call. However, that doesn't stop me clutching at straws and thinking that, for example, the rules of the game mean she might not be in contact until up to a week after she got my details (from a conversation with R) which gives her until Wednesday or Thursday or that there's no hard and fast rule about contact and she might be considering her options (from seperate conversations with A and USHW) or that she might be waiting to make arrangements for the weekend which gives her until Thursday to actually call. Who knows where that last one came from?

I guess I invested more in this than I originally thought.

Contact

Nothing from QC2 today, which is confusing. QC1 did get in contact however, but she's not available until next week.

I was chatting to FP on MSN last night and he was questioning whether RB had my phone number. He was more interested in questioning whether my story about this girl having my number had changed from the last time we spoke about it than he was about finding out if I wanted the girl to call... which I obviously do. This is why we don't have more serious conversations, because he's more interested in making jokes or pointing out inaccuracies than actually listening.

Ruuude talks films.

Clerks 2 is a great film!

Grrrr...

The weather has improved here as the day has gone on. The (warm) wind has dropped to almost no air movement at all, a lot of the cloud cover has gone and it's pretty much constantly sunny. I've made another request to FP for a trip to the pub, but he has now got things to do... things that I would guess he knew about earlier and could have cried off then.

Now the thing is, despite us knowing each other for about twenty years, FP and I don't swap a lot of personal information. I know why I don't do it... it's because FP is one of those people that always has a witty retort about him. It's hard to get him into a so-called serious conversation. I was kinda hoping that tonight, in the pub, we could at least chat about RB (he was there that night). It wouldn't be that heavy... all he would need to know is that she has my number and that I want her to use it. From my initial ambivalence last week, I am now at a point where I do want her to call/text. I did quickly get to that point, though. If FP then asked questions to find out more, I'd be more than happy to answer them (as I do with any one else). But not tonight...

Malaise.

What has happened over the past week or so is that I've entered another 'unhappy' phase. I don't know if this is a direct response to hooking up with RB and subsequent impatient/hanging around waiting for a call or if this is just the normal cycle that I fall in to every now and again. However, I'd say that I am currently unhappy being single, that I am unhappy living at home and that my social life could be better (it's a nice day outside and I wish people were available to go out and do stuff rather than me sitting on my bed typing this up). I think the social and relationship issues might be inter-related actually. I think what it might be is simply a desire to be more social. Today, for example, I could be out at a cafe with friends or a girlfriend, chatting and generally chilling. This is what frustrates me most, I think. I like meeting up with people to chat, but that's been difficult over the past few years as more and more people settle down to start families and stuff.

There are fewer people around on MSN/Facebook too, so it's not as if there's a ready-made solution on the internet. People just move on and that's understandable. I snatch the odd conversation with R or A or USHW from time to time, but they're rarely online for various reasons.

The living situation is an ongoing thing... it's always there at the back of my mind, but when small apartments in reasonable areas of the city are going for at least £175,000, I'm never going to be able to afford that. That's a mortgage of about £1000 per month, which is way beyond my means. As I've said before, I don't want to rent, at least not in this city. Renting is dead money, unless there are extenuating circumstances. The only way I'd rent is if I knew the people I were renting with... a group of friends or (going back to the above point), a girlfriend.

Ho hum. I've texted FP to ask if he fancies a drink tonight. Typical form - he's being non-committal. "Maybe" is his reply. Thanks for making a decision, FP.

Talk is cheap

I still haven't had a reply from QC2 regarding meeting up, so I fired off a quick text to her on Friday. I still haven't had a reply, which is quite weird. QC2 is usually better/quicker at getting in contact than this. She was quite mysterious about her private life when I last emailed - she says things were "busy at home" and left it at that. I hope she's in contact soon... preferably this week. I want to get out of the house this week and do more stuff.

I also chatted to E earlier. As per usual, I never mentioned the ongoing situation with RB because I've no idea how to raise these issues in a conversation. It seems to happen naturally enough with A and USHW, but with people like QC2 or E, unless specifically asked, I don't know how to raise the subject in a normal conversation. It was nice to chat to her, though.

I also fired off an email to QC1 to see if she fancies some lunch this week. I should be able to talk to her about this... she ALWAYS asks about my love life!

Boys and Girls

I was at my sister's house today and my brother-in-law was asking if I'd heard from RB. I replied in the negative and said that if I hadn't heard by tomorrow night, that I'd have to assume she's simply not interested.

However, when telling the tale to R over MSN earlier today, she was of the opinion that it was futile waiting for contact over the past three days and it's only now that the window period is open for contact. She reckons that women will wait between three days and a week before contact. A week? Bloody hell!

The blokes seemed to agree with me... after all she's had my phone number for three days. The girls, however, are the opposite. Only now can I realistically expect a call/text.

I don't understand women.

Patience... or the lack thereof.

The pre-interview nervousness that I have been feeling for the past two days has faded... eventually. It has been replaced by a gnawing impatience and a desire that a line is drawn under this episode, but sadly, that line cannot be drawn by me, at least in the short term.

Somewhere in my head, I've made the decision that if I don't hear from RB by a certain point then it's safe to assume she won't be in contact at all. So far, I've had three "certain points": this evening, tomorrow evening and some time on Saturday.

Based on my assumptions that a) she did get the note I sent and that b) she got it last evening when she arrived home from work, these are the three time scales that make sense to me (although, admittedly, I am not a girl and so this logic is MAN LOGIC). I wasn't expecting anything sooner because there's a game to play... she can't appear too keen, so wouldn't have contacted me immediately. Plus, as A advised, she has friends to confide in, to ask advice from and to receive advice from. That, to me, gives her at least 24 hours to start the decision making process. However, I think the traditional game ploy is to wait at least three days before making contact which means, if this is the case, it'll be Saturday evening at the earliest and really, she's not going to call/text on Saturday evening, so then it's in to Sunday.

I had a strong gut feeling that tonight would be likely if she was interested and if she was keen on meeting up this weekend. Tonight is the latest she could be in contact before the weekend that would realistically enable me to make arrangements and not book myself out. (She doesn't know my social life is crap, obviously, but I do have plans this weekend). My gut feeling went so far as predicting that she would call or text between 9PM and 10PM because these are my rules for contacting people and the last cutoff is 10PM. This didn't happen, obviously. My gut feelings are reasonably accurate (6/10 is probably a good approximation), but not this time.

It's been a week since we initially hooked up, but as USHW pointed out, it took a few days for me to get a note together and another few days for it to be delivered. In terms of "time scales", it's only a day for her, but it's longer for me. Now I'm falling back to the other two time scales of tomorrow or some time on Saturday, but why I've got these days in my head isn't really based on logic at all, perhaps with the exception that these things do need sorted fairly quickly. The note implied that we go on a date, not necessarily a romantic date, but a date nonetheless. Even with the game to be played (not appearing too keen etc.), it's my opinion that her first contact needs to be made reasonably quickly, even if she replies positively and we don't actually meet up until next week.

If she's not interested and if that decision has been made, there's no harm in getting in contact now. I think the same can be said if she's only interested in a platonic friendship. Taking her time to make the right decision for her is a good thing and no news is probably good news with regards any romantic angle (as USHW wisely said), but there's a fine line between playing this game and hanging around for too long.

So now my patience (or lack thereof) is wearing thin. I do want to hear from her, though my note was left open and didn't explicitly ask for contact even if she wasn't interested. I'd hope that she'd consider last week's antics as an indication that I am interested in seeing her again and that the note does require a response in some shape or form and not to be ignored if she's not interested in meeting up again.

With regard to my opening paragraph, she can draw a line under this by contacting me... if she doesn't then I have to play the guessing game as to when "not in contact yet" turns into "not getting in contact at all".

Ho hum.

Bloody hell.

I'm not great at meeting new people. I never have been and I think it's been a real monkey on my back over the years. It really used to annoy FA2 who could never understand it, but she never saw me vomit because I was so nervous. Things like job interviews etc. are difficult, but there's nothing more difficult than meeting family and friends of people I'm close to. Fuck knows why.

E's birthday celebrations were a prime example. While I wasn't physically ill, I still had that nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach even though there was nothing to be nervous about. Meeting FA2's family and friends was exactly the same. I think the issue is that I have no confidence in my ability to start conversations and everything stems from that.

Things were different with USHW and A (to name but two examples) as I had "met" them over the internet where things were slightly different to actually standing in front of someone and having to be involved in a conversation. I've always been a much better listener than a talker.

Anyway, I've been a little nervous all day long because of the last week. It's not because RB's a potential girlfriend or a potential fuck or a potential friend... it's because she's someone new and I'll have to sit down with her and chat for a couple of hours and hopefully be funny or interesting enough that she'll want to do it again . Erk... no pressure, eh?

Dedicated to...

No matter what actually happens in the remainder of this week with RB, my thanks have to go to USHW and A, both of whom have offered advice and opinion on the situation.

USHW has been instrumental in me actually getting in contact and that, for me, has been a fairly big hurdle to overcome. Her feedback on my note as well as encouragement has been invaluable. So, USHW, thanks for that. I know you'll drop by here at some point and I wanted you to know that. Thank you.

A's contribution has been slightly different in that she's made me more positive about the fact that this girl might actually get in contact and that this might actually turn in to something interesting. I wobbled between abject negativity and illogical optimism during the course of the weekend, but A managed to ground me with some good observations based on her own experiences/mentality (it's not unfair to say that A can be quite negative herself about her own similar situations), but now I'm thinking that I will see this girl again under favourable circumstances. I have to thank A for that, but she doesn't know about the existence of this blog and I will tell her personally, but for the sake of this blog, thank you A.

The clock is ticking.

The note went in the post last night, which means it's now running around the system. Based on postal times, her work start times etc. I don't expect RB to actually get the note (assuming I've gotten all the details correct) until after work on Wednesday at the very earliest (and it's quite possible, with the public holiday delay in the mail, that it could be Thursday night), so any contact (if there is any) will unlikely to happen until nearer the end of the week.

Just get on with it already!

I'm probably making this a bigger deal than is necessary, but with my track record with women, these things ARE a big deal to me. I'm about to nip round to the shop for some envelopes and then I'll be double-checking the note, ready for posting. I'm happy with the wording, I already have a version on paper, but my pedantic nature wants me to re-write it to make it more legible, though I don't consider my handwriting to be that bad.

I'm also swaying between wild optimism and wild pessimism over the entire thing. I don't think there are any real reasons why I should feel either way, especially when I'm being fairly ambivalent about RB anyway.

I was at my sister's yesterday and they got some details of Thursday night's action. When asked if there would be a follow up, I let slip that RB had my number and it was in her hands. Of course, that's not strictly true right now, but will be if/when I post this note.

In the cold light of day...

I realise that the last post is a little bit of a mess in places. There was a lot I wanted to say and I couldn't get it all to flow, but I think I managed to say everything that I needed to say, if only to get things sorted in my own mind. That's mainly why I blog because, as I mentioned in my previous post, I don't socialise enough and so I can't talk these things through with QC1, QC2 or AM for example. USHW is a great help but sometimes I want more points of view, plus there's an element of me wanting my friends to know what's going on in my life. Sometimes I think they don't realise half of what goes on in between these infrequent meetings we have.

E was online earlier, but chatting to family again, then she suddenly disappeared and never returned. I dunno if I'd have talked this through with her. She seems little interested in my love/sex life, never really asking any questions and I tend not to bring stuff up unless directly asked about it. She doesn't know, for example, of my dalliances on holiday. Ah well... maybe QC2 will get in contact this week!

Re: Murphy's Law

From my previous post, I mentioned a girl, Recruitment Bird (or RB for brevity). Yes, that's right a real, live attractive girl. She made initial contact and we had a bit of banter for a while, until the barman had served her. As she left, she made a comment about asking her out. I dismissed this as just fooling around, but more on this later.

FP and myself chatted with a few other blokes we had met (FP's friends, naturally) and it looked like this girl was actually seriously interested. Regular readers will know by now that I'm fairly clueless with women, often only realising there's potential when it's far too late. Coming back from the bathroom, I noticed that this RB's table was empty. It seemed that she, and her friend, had gone. I nipped outside, away from the other blokes, to send USHW a text message as I'd been texting her that night, only to find this girl outside on her own, having a cigarette. So, I sent my message to USHW and got talking to RB.

I think RB was about to get a taxi home, but when I started talking to her, this seemed to change and she dragged me back inside to listen to the band. This is where things got weird. I bought her a drink and we settled into a couple of vacant chairs for a chat. I'm not sure how long we chatted... it was probably no longer than an hour or so. However, when I asked her about herself, she got very agitated and defensive, wanting to know why I was asking about her. RB had made various statements/questions about why I should get her phone number (despite having not asked for it) and also about how I wasn't getting “any” that night either. At points during the conversation, she accused me of hiding something (including continually checking to see if I were married), when I'd been nothing but honest with her until that point. There was at least one point, maybe two, where I got up to head back to FP and his friends because she was making life difficult. Attractive she might be, but at this stage, she was being very unpleasant. I don't think it was deliberate and she was incredibly drunk, but it wasn't nice.

As I stood up to leave, RB grabbed my hand and pulled me back down again, somewhat placated. Weird, huh? She even initiated some kissing shortly afterwards. We managed to continue the chat without further drama until closing when the bouncers kicked us out. We remained outside the pub as everyone else got taxis and went home or to other pubs. In fact, we were still there almost an hour later, snogging away like teenagers.

I suggested more than a few times that we should call a couple of cabs and get her home. I lived in the opposite direction and would require my own cab. Each time I did, she... ahem... attacked me with renewed vigour. Eventually though, RB caved in and agreed she should head home. She asked me if I would go home with her and I said that I would.

Back at hers, in the comfort of her living room and sofa, we engaged further kissing. Before too long though, she was started to fall asleep. Similarly to the pub, when I woke her to suggest she went to bed (and I got a cab), the snogging would start in earnest again. This time, the snogging did evolve into heavy petting and while I was enjoying this a lot, it was getting very late (or very early, depending on your viewpoint). After making the same suggestion a few times, RB eventually agreed to bed, asking me to stay over. Again, I said that I would.

She led me upstairs to a rather bare looking room where we got into bed (fully clothed) and resumed our heavy petting. When she started to doze, I let her and she fell asleep while we were wrapped around each other. I'm terrible for not sleeping in my own bed and especially after something like this, so I think I got about 30 mins of sleep in total. True to her word, there was no sex. I never pushed for any, either, if I'm being perfectly honest, though I did enjoy myself a lot and the cuddling was very pleasant indeed. I'm a man of simple pleasures. Oh, and there was the added point in that I might have wanted to see her again. While fucking on the first meeting isn't necessarily going to stop that from happening again, you can't tell with some women and I played it safe. Despite the fact she clearly was extremely horny, I never pushed any boundaries and let her dictate what was "allowed", which is why it remained heavy petting rather than full on sex. All clothes remained on at all times, although hands did wander under the clothes from both parties.

The next morning, RB had to get up for work, so when the alarm went the first time she snoozed it for a while and we cuddled and dozed until she could postpone it no further and had to get ready for work. When she was ready, I got up and she gave me a lift into the town centre where I could get a taxi or a bus home. I must admit, she looked rather fine in her work clothes... possibly better than she had the night before. I must have been a mess though. Urgh.

So, that all seems straightforward. Obviously, it's not because yours truly can be a Muppet with women. Unlike many instances before (Kiwi Girl, for example), I remembered about contact details, but I was in two minds about whether it would be worth it, given our initial hour or so of conversation. Things went a lot smoother after that obviously because there was only snogging/petting rather than conversation, but still there were some small things that really didn't fit that, while unimportant on their own, all added up to something that simply didn't sit right – pieces of conversation, things I noticed about her house etc. That was offset by the fact that she's extremely attractive and, from the twenty minutes or so of conversation the next morning, seems quite interesting.

So, as I said, I was in two minds. When we went our separate ways, I didn't ask for a number. Having pondered this for a day or so, I realise this was a mistake, so I'm planning on getting in contact during the next week to give her my number and see if she's interested in, well, something. I'm not even sure she's relationship material, but I'd like to see what she's like sober. With any luck, she's not like that person I met the other night for the first hour and we can see what develops... friendship, romance, whatever. To be perfectly honest, anything. It's a no lose situation. I can gain a friend (see my New Year's post) or a girlfriend (ditto) or she doesn't use my number (nothing changes). And you know, I think I'm being quite upbeat about this. There are still one or two grey areas that concern me... she seemed, I dunno, embarrassed the next morning on the way into the town centre. I'm not sure if that's because she doesn't normally pick up men in pubs and take them home or if she knew that she had been harsh the previous night. She said that she was single and I've no reason to doubt her. During the evening, she seemed quite keen that this wouldn't be a one off (she never said as much, but she did mention me getting her number quite a bit), but in the morning, further contact wasn't mentioned. I'm in two minds here. She was very vocal the previous evening about how sexy I was etc. so I'm kind of concerned that it was simply a case of alcohol-induced horniness, just as I've posted about before here. I'll have to see what happens next week and hope that, like myself, even if she isn't looking for anything in particular, that she's at least inquisitive enough to meet again.