It's E's birthday today, so I've left the obligatory Facebook message. It also prompted fond memories of spending a weekend visiting E, going to the pub, playing pool and general mucking about. Very fond memories, in fact.
I suspect she'll want to revisit those days when she comes home in a few weeks.
I really enjoyed the gig last night with M. A lot of people turned up for doors opening time, so by the time we arrived (only 15 minutes after that) there wasn't a seat to be had. So we spent the night propping up the bar. We managed to have a chat, too. It appears that G has been home as he said he would, but he just wasn't in touch with me. And he mentioned that one of my old school crushes had split with her husband, which piqued my interest until M said that he thought she'd already found herself a new partner.
And I could shake the feeling all day that Chloe was going to be at the gig. I've no idea if the music was her type, but I do get these gut feelings sometimes which almost never happen.
I don't think that standing for 3 plus hours plus doing the odd bit of swaying/dancing has done my back any favours, so yoga might have to be cancelled today. I'll play it by ear this afternoon.
I had a couple of dreams last night, but the details are rapidly fading. The first was FP and I, travelling somewhere. FP was playing wingman for me and essentially producing a series of women all fitting the same physical profile: petite brunettes. I can't remember the end of the dream. I woke up and looked at the clock. It was 3 AM.
The second involved CAB. In it, we had travelled to England for something that CAB had to do, and in between that, we had a lot of sex in the hotel room and specifically the shower. So, yeah, a pleasant dream, but it was frustrating this morning.
And I am already exhausting. I don't think I got good quality sleep last night.
I got a surprise phone call from KfW2 this morning. My immediate thought was that she was going to propose some last-minute socialising tomorrow night that would inevitable clash with the gig with M, but it as not. she had news to share - CC's mum passed away a few days ago. I've just sent her a message, but I've been through this, so I know she'll be busy.
I've already said to KfW2 that I will attend the funeral and she said she wants to go, too.
Shania Twain's in town, and Taylor Swift is just down the road so unsurprisingly every woman in town is wearing a checked shirt, cowboy boots and a short skirt or denim shorts. And it's really not the weather for it.
Many, many years ago, when we were at school, FP and I would put in our evenings by walking. We would go all sorts of places, but we had two favourite routes. The first was one that was roughly five miles long and would take us past SJ's house. The other, was reserved for the summer months as it took us to the edge of town and offer us some stunning views across the city where we'd have teenage boy dreams of opening our own bar with windows and patios that showed off those very views.
So surfing the local property website with dreams of a lottery win (as I did a few weeks back when I saw FA's old house), and lo and behold, one of the very sites that FP and I would daydream over back in the day.
Not the world's greatest thing to find when I'm still coming down off the YouTube video from my last post.
M was quick to reply to my message. Apparently, he's reached out to his contact today but hasn't heard back. Not that it's an issue, I've already bought the tickets and they weren't expensive - the price of a couple of pints each. It was more that I'd not heard from him and that he'd not gotten back to me as he'd promised.
And in other news, I've just finished watching a YouTube video about Twitch streamer Ironmouse. Ironmouse is a streamer I've discovered recently who's incredibly entertaining, if games and sweary Latina women is your bag. But this YouTube video had me in tears. It was effectively a potted history of Ironmouse in her own words. It's not the normal thing that has me in tears, but I think I've bottled up an awful lot over the past few months - family stuff, stress, loneliness and it wasn't going to take a lot to set me off.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, M never got back to me about the free tickets to the gig on Friday night. He's never been the most reliable of people. I've taking some initiative and pre-booked a couple of tickets because the ticket website says there are only a few left. I don't know what "a few" are, but I'm not taking any chances seeing as I've already missed out on another gig that I didn't find out about until too late.
I sent M a message to let him know what I've done.
I'm looking forward to Friday.
I got around to doing the amalgamated workout today. 39 minutes (including cool down) and burning 537 calories. As I said in my last post about the workouts, there are certain exercises where I am not going as intense as I could, so there's a lot more to come from this specific exercise.
I need to decide whether to move the exercise to first thing in the morning or after work in the evening as doing it during lunch can be troublesome if I have an early afternoon meeting.
A random, middle-of-the-day phone call from KfW2 and it felt different. Maybe it was just me, but I felt my own conversations in the past few calls with KfW2 have been stilted. And that was my side of the conversation, not her's. Today's chat was different... back to our usual back and forth. And I've really missed that.
I gave her an update on the family stuff and, in a separate part of the conversation, admitted that I've not seen anyone in a while. And it's true - outside of work events with Stalky Guy, I can't remember the last time anyone visited or I met people.
However, it does look like we'll not get to do dinner until August, which is a little disappointing but she did suggest a quick visit sometime soon with her kids, which would be fun. I've not seen them in ages and they adore me.
I kinda slacked off on the yoga front at the end of last week. For a few days (Thursday to Saturday), I was just drained both mentally and physically and with that, all motivation just evaporated. And I don't use that phrase "drained" lightly.
I got back on it today, though, and gave me cobbled-together dual workout a go. I didn't get all of it done. Part of it was that it was a struggle towards the end with a few minutes to go and secondly, I lost track of time and was going to be late for a work meeting if I saw it through to the end. I did 32 out of 38 minutes.
But it was good to get back on it, and adding the core workout to the beginners stretching workout is a good move and gives me even more to grow into. I'm still tailoring the stretching workout (focusing more on stretching my legs than doing push-ups, for example), so there's plenty of room to make the workouts more challenging before I even need to consider some of the longer/harder workouts.
I guess I wanted to explain a little more why I thought it was interesting that FA2 had invited mutual friends to her parents' holiday home. She'd always been somewhat traditional when it came to relationships. Is traditional the right word? To an extent, yes. But there was something else.
She was always big on being bought flowers (specifically flowers, not any other type of gift), it was the guy's job to celebrate anniversaries, there was an outward and frequent demand for "romance".
So, yes, it was a surprise when she suggested we head to her parents' holiday home that mutual friends were invited. I had originally assumed it was a romantic getaway. She had, prior to making these arrangements, mentioned about having sex in front of the huge open fire. Clearly that wasn't going to happen with two other guys roaming the house.
And we never went back after that one time. She was right, though. Sex in front of the lit fire would have been awesome.
I've got a week's leave booked off from work in a couple of weeks, but I need more, so I've also requested the next two Fridays. There's a work event this Friday, but it clashes with the gig I'm attending with M, so I've sacked it off. Plus, as I've already said, socialising with Stalky Guy is tiresome.
In semi-related news, Quiet Girl was asking about our next work event, which is usually planned for the end of July and is a much bigger affair. I'm not confident that we'll have one this year - the people who are now in charge of arranging these things are awfully young and I question their decision making.
But getting out with Quiet Girl again would be fun.
I guess another part of the reason for surfing Tinder today was a dream from last night. Again a dream version of a memory of something that actually happened.
We had gone to FA2's parents' holiday home out of town for a weekend. She had invited some mutual friends along as well, which I thought was a bit interesting (though not really the topic of this dream or memory). We travelled up on the Friday, unpacked, FA2 and I did a bit of a walk and then me t with the others at a local bar. We were not sober the by the end of the evening.
I fell asleep almost immediately, but the next morning, I tried to initiate sex with FA2, as I tended to do at the weekend. She was having none of it. She never really explained why. Was it having sex in her parents' bed? (We'd already had sex in my parent's bed, so I'm not sure that it bothered her.) But regardless, that was her answer.
At least "no" was her answer until I said that I was going for a shower and she couldn't have been more in a hurry to join me where more than the water got hot and steamy.
I've mentioned before on here (and if not, then I've definitely shared with USHW) that FA2 could be quite vanilla in her sex, but I couldn't fault her for where she'd have sex. I think we'd crossed off every room in both houses she owned, pretty much every room in my parent's house where I was living at the time and multiple rooms in other places we'd visited. It wasn't just the bed/bedroom.
And so, yes, the weather, the loneliness, last night's dream and a brand new batch of women have all made me extremely horny today.
I've been surfing Tinder a bit over the past few days. Usually, I do it out of boredom, but the loneliness thing is kicking in (I've made a few posts about it recently), the weather's turned nice (always gets me a bit more frisky) and Tinder is doing that thing where it thinks I live in London and is giving me all new faces and bios to swipe on.
Did I mention the last time this happened how much better the standard of women is* in London versus what is offered locally? I find myself swiping right a lot more frequently than normal.
*According to Tinder profiles.
Another weekend goes by, and no sign of G. I'm not complaining, but more commenting about how would be great if he was home when M and I go to the gig that I've been looking forward to, which is next Friday.
I never heard back from M on the free tickets topic, so I might follow up today.
I don't tend to use a lot of online dating apps outside of Tinder and Bumble. I've not touched the OG apps/sites like Match, OK Cupid, eHarmony etc. in years.
I did, a few weeks ago, sign up for Plenty of Fish for the first time in maybe ten years, but it took me less time to see that it wasn't for me than it did to create the account and the most basic profile.
I do have another one installed, Hinge, and while I've browsed it a few times, I've never made any moves on it. I don't know why. The quality of women on it seems much higher than those I see on Tinder or Bumble.
I was browsing today, semi-bored, while watching the football. Who should pop up on Hinge, but CC's attractive redhead friend. She's not been on the dating apps in ages as far as I can recall. She's still very cute.
I only got about 2 hours of sleep on Tuesday night and I have to say that Wednesday was a struggle. Luckily, it was an office day, which is light on brain work and heavy on coffee and pool.
The last two nights I've slept like a log though, but even with that, I am exhausted today. I am drained both mentally and physically and can't figure out why.
I was in the office today, but bored. So I did a bit of swiping on the online dating apps. A woman appeared... she wasn't really floating my boat until I saw her last picture and I swiped right immediately. The picture? A backless dress shot with a beautifully slinky, clingy long black dress. Stunning. *chef's kiss*
Kinda like this one, though less strappy.
I got a message from M really early this morning... the night out is ON! And there's an outside chance he could score a few free tickets. He said he'd let me know at some point today.
I don't really care about free tickets. It's a bonus as I was going anyway, and the tickets are only like about £12, but it's the band and M's company I'm looking forward to.
The loneliness has been a big thing over the past few weeks. I don't know if anything specifically has triggered it or if it's a culmination of a lot of things. I suspect the latter.
I've not seen my sister in weeks. That's because I haven't made the effort to go see her. I've been in this house for nine years (roughly) and not once has my sister made a random visit, even with the current family stuff going on. She has been here, but only for pre-planned social events or if I've asked for a favour. But it still feels off that she seemingly makes no effort. Any time I've mentioned my mental health not being great, I'm always told that the door is open, but is it too much to expect my family to care about me? this is something that has bothered me for a while now. I remember chatting to USHW about it back in early 2018.
The KfW2 thing is an issue, too. I've brought up the topic of actually meeting rather than getting 10-minute conversations here and there, but when it comes to actually arranging anything, it just turns into hard work. If I brought it up, KfW2 would point to her family or blame her ADD for not being able to arrange anything. But I miss her and I am a little angry with her that it's this much work, especially with FP's absence.
And FP is never far from my mind. There are still times I pick up the phone to message him about something stupid or football and catch myself on, mid-reach.
And E is coming home, soon. I don't know if we'll get one of our all-day things going, but it would be great if we did. At the very least there'll be a few evenings out, and I can't wait.
G is due home too. He has his own family stuff going on which means he would like to be here. I had thought he would have been over already (he has specifically said he's coming home), but a visit is imminent. Next weekend with the music thing going on would be ideal, but it could be any weekend this month or next.
Well, that didn't take too long. I've managed to merge the two yoga workouts, cut out the intros and one of the cool down sessions. It should get me straight into the workouts and seamlessly move from the first to the second. It's a bit janky, I'm not going to lie, but the important thing is that it lets me do both sessions without getting up from the mat to find my TV remote to go from one to the other and I've stripped out about two and a half minutes of unnecessary time.
It's an office day tomorrow, so no yoga at all, but maybe Thursday, I can try it out. If it's forcing my body to do too much, I'll go back to my usual routine with the odd core workout thrown in. Just trying to build habits and keep it up.
In other news, still nothing from M.
Back on the exercise wagon, yesterday and today. Usual routine yesterday, the shorter, but harder core routine today. I should sit down with a video editor and see if I can't create an all-in-one that cuts out the rubbish so I can fire up the video, do the routine(s) plus the cool down and get out without having to worry about reaching for the remote.
I reckon that's about a 38 minute workout and would keep me going for a bit because there are still elements of both workouts where I'm holding back. Yeah, I like this idea. I might give it a go tonight.
I sent M a message about the music thing next week at CB Pub. Did he still fancy it? I was thinking about pre-booking tickets rather than pay on the door.
"I'll have to check with the wife"
Now, I've spoken to MM about M's socialising. She's desperate that he goes out more often. She's very social. So I don't see any reason why this won't happen, but I still have a pessimistic feeling about this. And it'll be M who scuppers the plan, not MM, if it does fall apart.
it's a waiting game now.
I've had a bit of an issue with my shoulder over the past few days, so I've not done any yoga sessions. I feel better now, so back on it tomorrow. Despite the shoulder being a bit stiff and having a little bit of pain, the hips and back are in good shape. I still feel it a bit in the mornings and the foot's still not really getting any better, but every else is heading in the right direction.
I got a reply from E late last night (not surprising given where she lives). It appears that she's been going through her own issues - illness, redundancy and a few other things. It was a brief message, but it said a lot. Also, I knew she was coming home this summer, but I think I got the dates wrong, or she's changed plans.
She'll be home in around four weeks for six weeks. That's a few weeks earlier than I had thought. Not that it's a big deal to me. Being home a few weeks earlier and staying a few weeks longer should mean I get to see more of her.
I think we might be making progress. KfW2 has suggested a restaurant that looks very nice. Now all we need to do is get a mutually agreeable date. My calendar is currently empty, barring the night I'm hopefully going to the gig with M. So that should give us plenty of scope to arrange something, and soon. I'll follow up with her today and see what shakes out.
KfW2 messaged. Would I like to go to hers? Her husband and son are heading out on the town. The thing is, I have work commitments this weekend. I shared this with KfW2.
"Bring your laptop to my house?" she offered.
There's nothing stopping me from doing that, except I could get called at any time though it's not guaranteed. And I wouldn't like to be sitting with KfW2 sipping gin or beer then have to disappear for an our or a few hours, trying to sort an problem. Or being woken at 3 AM and having to do the same. And I am expecting to be called at some point over the weekend. Also, to be honest, if I am working, I'd far rather do it in my comfort zone rather than at KfW2's dinner table.
It's frustrating. I'd love to see KfW2. And I'd love to see her on her own, without the kids, which would happen once the kids were in bed. But this is last-minute and somewhat inconvenient. I'm going to have to turn her down, which annoys me. But if I recall correctly, a lot of KfW2's offers recently have been last-minute.
I think my concern/pessimism about the core exercise was justified, but I have to say that the expectation that I might suffer some additional pain was unfounded. In fact, totally the opposite. I woke this morning in less pain than I can remember. Not pain free, but it wasn't far from it. I know that one swallow does not make a summer and there's ongoing work to do, but it's little wins like this that help keep me motivated.
And I still have a walk with Nerdy Girl pencilled in for early evening.
So, I'm bored and dreaming of a large Euromillions win. As I tend to do in these moods, I hit up the local property web sites and browse dream homes, outside my budget.
Imagine my surprise when a familiar sounding address pops up. Where do I know that from? Aha! It was one of FA2's old houses. In fact, it was the house mentioned in this post.
I've browsed the photos and, unlike the other house FA2 owned that I've seen up for sale, this one has barely changed bar some decorating. I can still see some handiwork that I did, back in the day.
So plenty of FA2-related memories this morning, both x-rated and work-safe.
You know, there's been so little work done to the house, I'm half-tempted to message FA2 and ask her if she's the one selling the house, even though she left the country 25 years ago.
I was, randomly, thinking of E earlier, so I logged on to Facebook and sent her a message. I really should take our conversation/messaging off Facebook and onto WhatsApp or something. Facebook Messenger is just a PITA.
I did another yoga session at lunchtime and I'm feeling good. The proof will be in the pudding tomorrow to see how my body reacts to another two-days-in-a-row of yoga. I am feeling myself stretch out, though it is a slow process. The foot and back pain is still there in the morning, but the rest of my day is relatively pain free and currently it's only stiffness or soreness from exercise that's bothering me during the day.
In fact, tomorrow could be full-on. If I feel good, I'll do another yoga session. If the weather's good (well, dry), I'm meeting Nerdy Girl, so we could play pool, have a bite to eat or do a walk (or a combination of any of those). I think a 6-mile walk is out, but we could do a shorter walk just to test it out.
I'm slightly surprised, but more pleased than anything. The core session I did yesterday, while troublesome at the time with my back, doesn't appear to be giving me any more discomfort than it has on other mornings. And I can really feel that session this morning in my abs.
That's not to say that I'm going to be doing the core session today given there was definite discomfort and I don't want to rush into things that might end up being a big step backwards. But I might do it later in the week if things continue as they have done.
To be honest, it's designed to be more of a bolt-on session. Something to do after other sessions specifically to target the core, so it's not like I'll be doing it instead of a proper session, but I am enjoying that "pain" in my abs after a proper workout.
Guess who showed up on Bumble (Tinder-like dating app) earlier? Not Wet Leg girl... sadly nothing there from her past few appearances. No, it's my sister's university friend! This is the first I've seen her on the dating apps in ages. Possibly this year.
I have, of course, swiped right. Though this is an exercise in futility, isn't it? I've swiped right on her every time I've seen her with no positive outcome.
A man can hope though, right?
Disclaimer: I've no idea what I would do if we actually matched. I've mentioned before that I am private. The fact that I'd be on a date with someone that I share mutual friends could be weird to me. RB did admit during one of our evenings that she knew MF, though that didn't put me off. MF wasn't a close friend though. Would it be different if it was family? A close friend?
While I wasn't able to shake the hangover-esque lethargy yesterday, I did get most of the gardening chores done. I didn't get any yoga done.
Today, though, was different. The lethargy was gone, but motivation was still low. In order to try and increase the motivation levels, I decided to mix it up with a different workout, but that might have been a mistake. I went with a workout designed to work on my core. Stronger core should equate to fewer back issues, apparently. But during the workout (which was quite short), I really started feeling it in my back. So, I'm kinda wary about how I'm going to feel tomorrow.
Back to the usual workout next time out by the looks of it. I shouldn't crunch before I can walk, lolz, I am hilarious.
However, in other news, Nerdy Girl has been in touch and we're meeting on Tuesday, potentially for a walk. Weather permitting, of course. The plantar fasciitis is still an issue, but a lot of the pain and discomfort can be mitigated with better footwear. I am my own worst enemy and seem to make things worse every week when I go into the office in my fashion trainers. Two steps forward and one step backwards. Man, the puns are flying today.
FFS. A band I like, an American band, are in town in about a month's time. Even though I have no-one to go with, I'd like to go see this band. TicketMaster tell me that there is limited availability, but when I try to buy a ticket, it says there are none. Not one ticket left.
I didn't realise they were that popular. But I also am pissed at TicketMaster. If there are no tickets, then say "sold out" FFS.
Despite not having any alcohol in weeks, I woke this morning feeling like I'd had a LOT to drink last night. I was lethargic, dehydrated, mentally fuzzy. I think there was a dream as well that featured KfW2 being cold to me that might also have had an effect on my mood.
Additionally, the weather is rubbish here, despite forecasts saying it was going to be dry.
I get the feeling that the productivity that I had planned for today might not pan out. The gardening is out unless it gets dryer this afternoon. I was going to do a session of Yoga, but these hangover-like symptoms are having a real issue on my motivation. Maybe that'll disappear this afternoon.
And despite the fact it's only just after Noon, I've been up since 9 AM and it feels like late afternoon. Weird.
I'm expecting G to be home soon. I had a slight gut feeling that it might be this weekend, but I've heard nothing to this point.
If he could leave it for three weeks, then he could come along to the gig with me and M.
I'm second-guessing myself today. I was thinking about doing more yoga, but the last time I did two consecutive days, my back pain flared up. I'm feeling OK today, but my concern is how I am going to feel tomorrow, and I am busy tomorrow with gardening chores and stuff. Maybe it's still a case of taking it slowly and doing every other day for another week or so.
My back was still sore this morning, and I don't think I slept well last night. In fact I don't think I've slet well for about a week. It's weird. It feels like I wake early, but not fully then it's some kind of weird semi-sleep for a few hours until its time to get up.
But, I did a session of yoga at lunchtime, and I feel much better for it now.
I woke this morning and my back was killing me. I don't know if I slept funny or if this is a result of doing two days of Yoga in a row. Regardless, today is an office day, so no yoga for me. The pain has eased throughout the day, but it feels like a setback. Let's see what tomorrow brings.
Guess who popped up on Tinder today? Yup, Wet Leg girl. Swiped right, of course, though with no expectation that it'll turn into anything. This is one of the frustrations of online dating applications.
KfW2 called. It was the same old thing. She had a ten minute walk to pick up her kids, so I got a call. It sounds like I'm bitching, and I am a little. We have these snatched conversations once a month that never get anywhere because they're so brief, but I can't pin her down for something more substantial.
There's an increasing amount of questioning about whether I've spoken to CC or not. As I've said before, CC is a means to an end, but she's not someone I can spend a lot of time with nor am I going to open up to her. But I'm wondering why she's so interested in whether or not I've spoken to CC.
She also asked about the family stuff that I've blogged about. It's taking its toll, I think. I guess I'm slightly disappointed that me sharing how I'm feeling didn't really get any response.
But it was great to hear from her, but disappointing that it was so brief and we still can't see each other, socially, in-person.
The thing with the yoga is that I do feel much better by doing the sessions even if it has been semi-irregular and every two to three days. It doesn't appear to have changed the fact that I still feel a hundred years old first thing in the morning with continued back and foot pain. It does ease considerably quicker though and I am mostly pain free throughout the day.
If the weather wasn't meant to be rubbish this week, I'd be reaching out to Nerdy Girl to see if we could try one of our long walks. I don't know if that's too much too soon though.
The monthly works nights out are less fun than they used to be. The are fewer people who show up (I'm assuming this is a side-effect of Covid and the increase in working from home) and there seems to be less mingling. Friday was no exception. Stalky Guy continues to be weird, though there were other people in attendance that I'm friendly with, so his presence was diluted.
But, it was still fun.
It took me all day yesterday to rehydrate and while I don't get hangovers per se, I still got mad cravings for junk food.
