Sigh.

So the night didn't quite go as planned. I always look forward to our Christmas party. Part of that is that I don't mind getting dressed up these days. My most recent suit was bought with KfW2 in tow for a female perspective and I feel comfortable in it. It also helped that the first time I wore it, I got several compliments from the likes of CH to bolster my confidence. Another part of it is enjoying the women getting dressed up. Sue me, but I enjoy a bit of a perv. Quiet Girl scrubbed up well, as did a few of the other attractive girls I see around the office.

Anyway, we met for pre-drinks and had fun. A few of the people were ex-team members, so it was nice to catch up. We adjourned to the main venue to join everyone else. KfW2 eventually turned up with CC - they'd had their own party getting ready at CC's house. She'd forgotten her phone in her rush to get a taxi - left it in CC's house.

As mass produced dinners go, it wasn't bad. It was about this time that things changed. I'd already, at this stage, babysat KfW2's dinner while she went off to chat with her friend. I'd also let her borrow my phone to call her husband to check in. I had assumed that once dinner was over we'd grab a drink and chat. A few co-workers had left for the last bus or train, Stalky Guy went to the bar and KfW2 disappeared into the crowd. All of a sudden, I seemed to be on my own.

I sat there with a sense of something... a mood that I'd not been in for years. A sense of melancholy combined with loneliness. It's always brought on by alcohol but there's always an underlying mood for it to build on. I think KfW2 disappearing fed into it and my own current relationship issue was the foundation. I had hoped that, in the absence of having our own night out, we could make some time and chat.

I've been able to shake it before by talking to someone. In the past it would have been AM or QC2. These days it would be KfW2, but she was nowhere to be found. So, in the absence of forcing myself out of the mood, I went home. As I left, I did a double-take. Was that CH? It was.

I woke this morning to a text message from KfW2, sent at around 4 AM.

"Where did you go?" was all it said.

I have to say that I was disappointed that it took her so long to text, especially when she was reunited with her phone at 1 AM.

The mood from last night has gone. I knew it would - once the alcohol goes, the melancholy goes, or has done in the past. But I think I'm still disappointed in not getting more time with KfW2 last night, and maybe a little jealous that CC managed to get KfW2 alone until 4 AM last night.