The trip to the cinema with GM never happened. Nor was there ever any contact after last week's text conversation. I've not really been able to shake the funk despite some social interaction this week, with FP and some work colleagues.
It's not simply romantic loneliness, though that is undoubtedly a fair portion of it.
There are very few people in this world who know me and that is mostly my fault for not opening up to people.
FP, USHW, KfW2 are all people who know me better than anyone else. My family have never been close. My sister has flashes of insight, but we don't really talk about personal things.
From my past, you could add AM, FA2, QC1 and QC2 to that list, though they essentially disappeared from my life.
So, yes, I need to start being more open with people voluntarily. Note the "voluntarily" bit. I'll answer any question asked of me, pretty much, but I don't know how to talk to people about my personal life. Even admitting to KfW2 last week about my current funk was difficult and I know she's not judgemental or anything.
It's more than people knowing me - it's the emotional support from close friends, romantic partners etc. Coming home from work after dealing with my idiot boss, for example, would enable me to rant or share rather than sit on my own, often over-thinking things.
I know I'll feel better in a few days' time. Christmas isn't a good time for me generally - I simply don't like it - and once I get all the family commitments out of the way, the presents are exchanged etc. then I can suit myself and hopefully make some personal arrangements.
I already have a couple of fun things to look forward to, with another to be confirmed.
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