Bend me, shape me...

While out on Monday evening with G and M, M shared that he's been doing Pilates recently. I offered up that I'd been doing yoga and we swapped stories of our successes.

Then M dropped the bombshell that his Pilates instructor was none other than MMBF. While I think G and MMBF have met before, we told G that MMBF was an attractive woman.

"She's fond of figure-hugging dresses." I explained. G was still none the wiser.

"You accused me of chatting her up at M's wedding?"

M cut in.

"You chatted her up at my wedding?"

"Well, I made a half-arsed attempt at the end of the night, but I was chatting to her on and off all day long with no real intent."

The subject got back to MMBF and Pilates.

"I bet it's great watch her bend over in front of you in yoga pants."

M laughed and nodded.

"She does it online, I'll send you a link."

I thought nothing more of it until 5 minutes ago when a link popped into my inbox. I have until the weekend to sign up for a free trial. Hmmm...

Blast from the past.

Yesterday, Facebook reminded me of a night I was out with DSC, many years ago, to celebrate her birthday. It wasn't anywhere I was used to going, in fact it was out of town, closer to where DSC lived. It was me and about half a dozen of her (female) friends, though not CF. I think that friendship had already gone by that stage.

But the weird thing that I remembered, and I'm not sure if I ever blogged about it was that I was convinced that DSC wanted to push boundaries that night. I can't remember the details, but there was definitely a tone to some things she said... and her friends were making comments, too.

I was never physically attracted to DSC, though she did ask me out and I told her I just saw her as a friend. And if I recall correctly, she was dating her on-again-off-again boyfriend at this time anyway, so any attraction would have been moot.

And I'm also pretty sure that I'd been very vocal about wanting to bed CF, too.

Yup.

Just back from watching Deadpool and Wolverine with Nerdy Girl who was drooling when Hugh Jackman's shirt came off and he was ripped af. I was, as usual, disappointed in the lack of screen time for Morena Baccarin, though the appearance of Lady Deadpool did cause a stir Ruuude's nether regions somewhat.

The film's excellent. I'd thoroughly recommend it if you've seen, and enjoyed, the first two.

Weather or not.

I've been swapping messages with KfW2 while she's on holiday. She's reported that it's thirty-five degrees Centigrade where she is. I'm useless at twenty-five degrees. Thirty-five would kill me. The most I had to deal with was on holiday with FP a few years ago where it was around thirty degrees and very, very humid.

I'd take that now, you know, just for a chance to see the sun and get a few hours to chill in my garden. It's been unused space so far this year.

Look here.

The weather was nice, the bar was busier than usual for a Sunday night and this tall, thin, attractive woman who looked my age seemed to be looking my way. Was she looking at me, or G? I think it was me, but then again, she seemed happy enough with her drinking buddies who were half her age, so who knows?

I kinda got a Near Miss vibe off her. Near Miss was also tall, thin, attractive and wearing a sun dress. Actually, I dunno how tall the woman from last night was as she was wearing heels. Big heels.

But, in a surprising move, G suggested heading out again tonight as he's in town until tomorrow. That's a decent week for me, socially. G on Sunday and Monday (and potentially M as well). Nerdy Girl for a trip to the cinema tomorrow and out with Quiet Girl to a work event on Friday.

Where did you go?

I've just spent the past half an hour scouring my photos folder on my PC. I, inexplicably, had this desire to see some pictures that I'd scanned of a New Year's Eve party from many, many years ago. It was simultaneously the first night I met QC1 (and kissed her), and one of the last nights I saw SJ (a huge crush of mine from my later school years - I've posted about her before).

I don't know why the desire kicked in, but I can't find any of the photos. I know that I shared them with USHW back in the day, so I will be able to find them in my email, but not having the originals is disappointing.

Early.

G has been in touch to arrange meeting for drinks tonight. It's surprisingly early. He usually only texts late afternoon. But we're running out of time, and tonight's probably the last time we can meet this weekend.

The weather's nice, so it should be a pleasant evening in the pub.

Plans

I have a rough date pencilled in with E to do something (pool, food, drinks, though this can change) in a few weeks. It's further away than I'd like, but she's got family stuff to do and I have work commitments that are eating up my availability. But we're pretty much meeting as soon as we can.

G's home this weekend, though we've not agreed on when we'll meet. I want it to be tomorrow night rather than our usual Sunday, but I'll take anything.

And early next week, I'm meeting Nerdy Girl to go see the new Deadpool film in the cinema. I can't remember the last time I've been to the cinema. Possibly the last John Wick film with FP? That's a while ago.

Chatty.

Thursdays tend to be office days, and that was the case today. Work is super busy at the moment, so I was glued to my keyboard for most of it. However, I did end up talking to SSCW for a bit. We're both a little pessimistic about the ongoing internal restructuring, so the conversation wasn't exactly a barrel of laughs, but it was nice, at least, to catch up with her.

Out of the blue.

I was chatting to Ideas Girl today for the first time in ages. Thankfully, I think her crush has faded. It's been years since I got rude texts about turning down her advances. We got talking about work and work-related socialising through the work social club. There's an event at the end of next week that I'm attending with Quiet Girl, so we chatted about that.

I'm meeting Nerdy Girl later for a walk, so let's see how my foot feels afterwards. it doesn't feel like it's getting any better, but thankfully, it doesn't seem to get getting any worse.

Let's go.

E has already replied to my message. She's tentatively suggested lunch this coming Friday, but I'm not sure that I can. I might be able to swing an early dinner nearby, but I'll have to look at what the rest of the week has planned, both personally and professionally. I should be busy over the next few weeks.

She suggested that lunch was just a small meeting with a view to doing something later, so I offered a full usual day out for us - play pool, have drinks, go for food then hit a bar. I hope she goes for it, but she does have young(ish) kids with her.

One of those reasons is that G's home this weekend, so we'll meet for drinks, but things have changed and where he was only available for one night for a short period of time, his availability should be more. Whether that translates into more time with G remains to be seen though.

tick tock.

It's just short of a week since E supposedly arrived home. I'm not complaining. There'll be jet lag and family and friend reunions. She has friends much closer and older than me. But I'll drop her a message on Facebook, just to nudge her along.

I can be pretty free with my time. If she wants to meet midweek, I can do that, but I'll need a few day's notice, and not until the middle of next week.

I'm hoping it's soon. I could do with something to look forward to.

One step at a time.

Nerdy Girl has just sent a message asking about meeting on Wednesday. But, she stresses, she's also booked a massage, so we need to be done by 8 PM. But that works for me. If we meet at our usual time, we still have plenty of time to do a short 3-mile walk on our backup route.

So I suggested that to her and she's onboard.

Absolutely fantastic.

I was shilling yesterday afternoon, watching the latest Tomb Raider film on Amazon Prime and there was a scene with Alicia Vikander doing some kind of martial arts. She was showing off a really impressive set of abs.

I paused the film and went off to the internet and two [pictures caught my eye. Regular readers of this blog will know that I love a woman with abs. So this bikini picture of her caught my eye... and reminded me of QC3. She had a similar figure, including abs.

And as part of the same search, I saw this:

Again, regular readers know that I love women in backless dresses.

Uuuuurgh.

Another night, and another lack of sleep. this time though, reader, it's self-inflicted. I stayed up watching a charity auction on Twitch before calling it a night somewhere shortly after 3 AM, only to be up and out of bed at 9 AM because Tesco were coming with a delivery an d now I am absolutely hanging.

Urgh.

Incommunicado.

I've been really bad over the past month or so about returning or making phone calls. I've always hated talking on the phone, but it seems to have gotten worse recently. my cousin has called a few times and I've not picked up, nor have I returned his call.

The ongoing family stuff needs me to make a call, and I can't bring myself to do it.

And while not a phone call per se, there are a few people who have texted recently that I really should reply to, and I just can't motivate myself to do so, including FP's widow and CC.

I just don't have the energy for it.

Callback.

I've posted before about a certain smell that instantly sparks memories of a cute girl from school and I've never been able to identify the body spray/perfume. There have been instances when I've smelled something that's similar and it always triggers the same memory. 

And it all happened again on the bus on the way home from work this evening. A young woman sat beside me and as soon as she did, the memory triggered.

Was it exactly the same scent? I don't know. I just know that it was similar to how I remember and it triggered the memory.

Grrrr.

I saw my sister last night for the first time in months. We have been in touch via the odd phone call or WhatsApp message, but no face to face contact.

It's frustrating. It feels like there's an expectation that people have to go to her rather than her making the effort to see other people. I think this is something that's not specific to me, though I have pondered this in the past. I do find it annoying that it's always me who makes the effort.

Good morning.

Quiet Girl messaged me earlier about an upcoming work event in a few weeks' time. Was I going, she asked.

I'd not given it any thought, but QG only usually asks if she's planning on attending. So I quickly signed up and let her know.

If nothing else, it gets me out of the house for an evening with someone who's decent company.

Yippee! Oops!

The thing is, even though there was no real physical effort involved in cutting the grass, my back is as sore as it has been in a long time.

I didn't get a chance to do any yoga earlier... work got in the way... but I'll need to get back on it soon.

Yippee! (cont'd)

There's been no sign of the pesky bird all day long, and I've managed to get out and get the grass cut. I wanted to do more, but my grass bin is full. But I'll take these small wins. It at least looks OK and you can't tell (from a distance) that it's probably 50% weeds at this stage.

But if we do get a spell of good weather (unlikely in the UK, I know), it's usable.

And if the bird does come back, at least this piece of work is done.

Yippee!

Fingers crossed, but I think the bird issue might be gone for the year. I've been in the garden a few times today and there's been no sign of the fucking bird.

If that's still the case at 5 PM when I log off for the day, then I am busting out the lawnmower to do a couple of hours of work that I wanted to do last week.

Ooops.

Maybe KfW2 had a point. I realised this morning that I'd not done any yoga in about a week. This was partly lack of motivation but partly a recurrence of the back pain. Maybe I should have continued the yoga with a view to seeing if it eased, but I am super-paranoid about back pain.

Sigh.

KfW2 called. We chatted. She paused.

"Are you OK?"

I'm feeling a little lonely, taking a week off work hasn't recharged me the way I'd hoped and I've not been as productive as I'd like, especially with the garden. On the plus side, I've gotten some stuff in the house done, the family stuff is moving forwards (though it is taking a lot out of me) and I have recharged a little if not to the extent that I wanted. I said none of this to her though. I don't like having these chats on the phone.

"I'm feeling a little run down, but I don't think it's anything serious"

"You've sounded down the last couple of times I've called"

I'm not sure I agree with this. There have been times when she's called that I've been distracted or whatever, and yes been a bit down, but the last few times, I've been in good form, I thought.

"When I come back from holiday, we're definitely going out," she promised.

Well, yeah, I've been chasing you about your birthday for six months and I told you not two weeks ago that I'd be pestering you about it in August when you come back... was something I thought, but didn't say out loud.

Regardless, there was more chat. She disappeared for a bit into a shop then called me back and we continued the conversation. She reiterated her promise to meet up after her holidays and we ended the call.

The thing is, there's a reason I try to get her out in the first half of the year for her birthday. It's because it's her birthday, for starters. Secondly, my birthday's in the summer months, so once we pass that, then it becomes a joint thing. We lose "our thing" which is taking each other out for lunch or dinner, and KfW2 has, in the past, been vocal about making sure we have our things.

And, yeah, back to work tomorrow after a whole week off. Tomorrow's going to be a long day.

Remember this?

For the first time in a long, long time, KfW2 has posted a memory of us on Facebook. I have to say that it's something that I'd noticed a while back - she would often post memories with other people, but not with the two of us. And I'd be disappointed. It was my assumption that she was concerned about people forming opinions off the back of us having fun in the pub without anyone else, and not sharing memories was a way of not drawing attention to that. I know she's voiced that kind of thing before when I've offered her my spare bed after a night out, for example.

But still, even though I understand where she's coming from, there have been times where I've been disappointed that she didn't share specific memories that I thought were important to her. And that's gotten more pronounced since lockdown and our friendship becoming more distant.

But the night in question was a great night, and seeing as KfW2 mentioned Jessica Alba, here's a picture.

Going back.

I'm really looking forward to E coming home. She lands early next week. Tuesday, I think. I assume it'll taker her a few days to get over jet lag and see her family, so I'm not expecting any movement until near the end of the month.

But what I am hoping for, while she's home, is to see her a few times and at least one of those times to be a complete afternoon and evening. In my head we'd head out for a late lunch, have a few drinks, play some pool, grab a bite somewhere and then then adjourn to a quiet bar and have a proper catch up. It's very similar to days we'd have when I'd go to visit her, way back when.

Fuck off.

On Tuesday night, I got little sleep. I was awake from 5 AM and couldn't get back to sleep again. Part of the problem is a set of nesting gulls who have turned up over the last couple of years and are noisy bastards. 

I need to look at ways to get rid of them because it's fucking up my sleep for months at a time. 

Additionally, I can't put out washing or mow my back garden because groups of the fuckers will dive bomb me to protest "their" nest when I go outside. And that's functional stuff. Things like chilling in my back garden or having a BBQ are off the table from May through to July.

I was hoping to spend a full day of my holidays to really tidy up my back garden, too. It's rapidly being taken over by weeds and needs some TLC.

Crying emoji

When I went to bed last night, I was planning on making a post about KfW2 and specifically the fact that I hadn't heard from her yesterday. However, I woke this morning to a short, but sweet message. I still want to post, but the tone shifts a little.

While I can't remember if I've actually stated this "out loud" but I know that it's been implied in a lot of posts that I've made, so here it is: KfW2 and I becoming more distant is something that saddens and frustrates me, and I don't know if it's something that can be fixed.

I don't know how much more effort I can put in, or proactive I can be without pushing too hard. I know she's got a family, a job and a husband, but at the same time, for the friendship we have (or had), it shouldn't be impossible to get her out for dinner or drinks a couple of times per year. We've not seen each other since December last year.

And yet, it feels like a... I was going to say fight, but fight is the wrong words. But it's an obstacle that shouldn't be as big as it is. And communication is a snatched 10 minute phone call every few weeks when she's on her way to pick up her kids. When I call her, she rarely picks up.

I've replied and told her that once she gets back from her holidays that I'll be pushing to meet up, but we'll likely end up doing the same dance.

So, yeah. I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment.

Sign off.

The family stuff is ongoing, but the good news is that this phase is almost over. A particularly tricky task that I maybe had to do has been completed already without my intervention and I can sign some papers in two weeks time. It could be sooner but other people are off on their holidays, so two weeks is the next time our calendars can align.

I'm not going to lie, it's been tough, mentally. The reasons for me doing this stuff are not great, and every time I need to do a task, it takes something out of me. That's not going to change, but it might be a little less frequent from here on it.

Oh dear.

For the second night in a row, I got terrible sleep. Additionally, for the past few days, my back pain has returned to the levels that I had pre-yoga. Because it's by back, I am super-cautious about it, so I've not done any yoga since before the weekend. But I feel like I should try something.

Bah!

 So much for my gloating about my sleep. I barely slept a wink last night and I feel really drawn out. Ugh.

Yawn.

I got a GREAT night's sleep last night. While I went to bed slightly later than usual, I didn't wake up until near 10 AM, which is really unusual for me. But I feel great. Usually with a good night's sleep, I wake feeling refreshed, then I feel really tired for the rest of the day. It's not like that so far.

Karma.

For the past few years, my street has been a bit of a game of musical chairs with regards to car parking. Some of my neighbours, despite having a drive way, have parked on the street and have been, IMO, somewhat selfish in using  the space in front of other people's houses without so much as a nod. And I say "selfish" because they're using the space in front of their own houses.

For example, one guy bought a second-hand motorhome and spent three years doing it up which meant he and his housemate were using other people's spaces. Or another guy whose car had a puncture and it sat there, unrepaired for six months or another house where they had a long-term guest who owned a motorhome which meant other, permanent residents couldn't always park their car in front of their own houses.

Now I know there's no legal ownership of car parking spaces, but you'd think a bit of manners might be the order of the day. Three years, FFS, to do up a motorhome.

Anyhoo, that's only some background for the post. Someone is parked in front of my house, and the car has been there for a few days. the driver's side window is rolled down and it's been raining pretty consistently. Suffice to say, I'm not particularly inclined to find out who owns the car and let them know their interior is soaking wet.

Pleasant distraction.

CC and I met at my local cafe. I thought she might want something a bit more exotic, but no, she just wanted a fry up. We chatted, I tried to be a distraction for a bit and I think I succeeded. Anyway, there was some music playing in the background and one of the songs was "A thousand miles" by Vanessa Carlton. It triggered memories of when I lived abroad, meeting people for lunch during the week when the majority of people were at work. And that was today's vibe.

And have some bonus Bic Runga while I'm at it. I had both songs on heavy rotation around that same period of my life.

Sad face (Part 3)

CC called and she immediately started talking about the election. However, literally a few minutes into the conversation, then typical CC comes out:

"I'm bored of politics, let's talk something else."

And this is why I have issues with elevating her beyond simply being an acquaintance. She does this kind of thing all too frequently.

Regardless, we're still meeting for lunch, but she seems in OK form given the circumstances.

Sad face (cont'd).

KfW2 messaged early this morning to let me know that she would not be attending the funeral but she might be meeting CC later to go for a walk. I replied and said that I couldn't arrange any transport, so I'd likely not be going either.

I messaged CC and let her know that I was thinking of her and suggested we meet tomorrow for lunch. I have family stuff to do tomorrow that I'm not looking forward to, so doing something out of the ordinary might help.

Hmmm.

I dreamt of E last night. She was visiting, we'd gone drinking and ended up back at mine where I offered her the spare room instead of a taxi. She was grateful and off we both went to our respective beds. In the middle of the night, E arrives in my bedroom, asks if she can sleep in my bed with me and I agree. We fall asleep. In the morning, we're chatting and things turn physical, all driven by E. We chat afterwards for a while, then she leaves to return home.

I surf the internet and come across a video of stunning actress Jaimie Alexander, dancing in this figure-hugging dress that resulted in a wardrobe malfunction as it gradually rode up her body as she gyrated more and more.

And then I woke up. The E thing is interesting. I don't recall ever thinking about E in a physical way. There was a brief time when I had somewhat ambiguous feelings towards her, but I don't think I ever thought about her in a purely sexual way.

But here's a couple of pictures of Jaimie Alexander.

Sad face.

I don't know if I can make CC's mum's funeral on Thursday. I've resigned myself to that, I think. I've heard nothing from KfW2 since yesterday. I might see if the family are doing anything after the burial to go and show my support. Failing that, I'll see if she's about on Thursday evening. I know that when I had to say goodbye to a close family member, coming back to an empty house was incredibly lonely, so she might appreciate that.

Stretch goals.

So, it's about six weeks since I restarted the yoga, and I have to say that, overall, I do feel better. I can't say that I've lost any weight, but that's not a short-term goal. Admittedly, I'm still not doing it daily and June's stats are averaging out at once every three days. I want to be doing it more frequently than that. Even with a couple of periods where discomfort in my back flared up, I should have maybe been looking at 1 workout in 2 days.

But, I can definitely feel the progress, and that's motivating me to keep going.

Oh dear.

CC has shared the date and time for the funeral. KfW2 has already messaged to say she probably can't make it, though her reasons for "probably" read to me as meaning "almost certainly". Which leads to a dilemma... the other person I knew wanted to go has a shoulder injury and can't drive for a few days, which rules him out of attending, too.

So that leaves me to try and find a way there. It's not far - less than 3 miles - but it's inconvenient, and that's where the problems are going to arise.

I know KfW2's gutted that she can't make it. I've said before that she's got a big heart, and I think she'd want to be there, though I don't know how close she is to CC.